It's kind of hard to outlive your past

the confession

when you say "i love you," it carries the whole weight of your heart. it feels like closing your eyes and stepping off a cliff. maybe you've been planning to tell them for days now, or maybe it's just slipped out without you realizing, either way, it was inevitable. it's relief and dread all at once, it's mortifying yet hopeful. the words hang heavy and suspended in the air, thick enough to choke on, a brief and perilous moment against the mortal pull of gravity.

yeah lmao. i don’t think he’d do anything like what you think when you think of breaking the law, but he has little regard for trespassing and even breaking and entering. it’s kinda like... if he sees a way to find justice even if through means that are not legal, he’s gonna do it? he also literally harbors his fugitive aunt & helps break his best friend out of jail. the law need not apply when it comes to helping his loved ones. it does also apply to people outside of those he loves; fighting for justice rarely means following the rules and laws. 

you won’t see him just steal something for personal gain or pleasure though. 

[ 🧸 ] does your muse have any guilty pleasures or hobbies that make them embarrassed?

playing the piano does embarrass him. it’s just very connected to their wealth, and he really only enjoys it because of the music connection to tasha and being able to read sheet music with her. i think the one thing he actually does feel kind of embarrassed about is his own attempts at writing?? i don’t know if that’s something he’d ever share. as a kid he did keep a diary and it was just all these feelings that were trapped inside every time he lost another friend or someone made a comment about him or his parents or tasha. as he got older it turned more into writing short stories and channeling those emotions into characters. i think it’s also part of how he learned to communicate even though tasha was big on healthy communication to begin with. but being able to write these stories where people worked out their problems and grew helped him in his own relationships. 

[ 🩹 ] what does your muse do to de-stress?

when isn’t he stressed. actually christian is very good at realizing when he’s overwhelmed or when things are too much and he needs to take a step back. in terms of like...activities that he does to de-stress, he reads. but what he really does ... is hide. christian loved hide and seek as a kid and actually takes comfort from small spaces. remember...he’s 6′3 so a lot of spaces are small to him. but he feels comfortable in a tight ball and it helps him center himself and focus on the present instead of letting his thoughts spiral out of control. he needs the confinement to work through his emotions. the silence helps him. when things are very stressful in his life, don’t be surprised if he is nowhere to be seen. he was very good at hide and seek.  

not well. christian is really big on honesty, and he can forgive almost anything if the person is upfront with him. he doesn’t do well when people lie, and he doesn’t do well with people thinking they’re telling the truth but can’t follow through with it either. that’s more of a blindspot, really, where he convinces himself it was a lie from the jump instead of what it was: someone overestimating their ability. 

he’s also just... brutally honest. but not even in a malicious way !! he isn’t trying to hurt anyone, he just doesn’t have a filter and lacks the social skills to realize he’s talking without thinking. he has a good read of people, and he tends to.. exploit isn’t the word i’m looking for but basically he isn’t afraid to just say whatever he thinks of the other person and what they’re thinking / feeling if he believes that he’s right. LIKE rose when she finally broke off her engagement struggled getting rid of the ring, and christian was like well you never liked the thing anyway. without even thinking about it, even if that wasn’t something they had discussed before and without realizing that it goes much deeper than it just being a ring. 

he thinks lies of omission are just as bad, and he isn’t one to sugarcoat, even when comforting someone. he’s more likely to lean into the situation to address whatever the problem is and focus on the facts when making an assessment. 

he has a very bad history of people keeping things from him, and he doesn’t want to perpetuate that. he needs to get better and understanding circumstances, but for now... yeah not well. 

yes. he likes it when other people feel good. he’s not really big on like...appearance compliments unless they’re very casual? like he very casually says rose has nice hair. it’s not like he’s trying to give a compliment but it is one, you know? he tends to compliment people based of their personality traits, and he likes to !! 

how easy is it for your muse to say ‘ i love you’?

asked and answered by mace xo

what is one compliment your muse is dying to hear?

asked and answered by liz <3

what is something your muse loves being praised for?

this goes hand and hand with the compliment part i think. he likes being praised for things he does instead of who he is ( being royal is supposed to come with praise; being king too. he hates that ). so being praised for his cooking..he loves that. it’s a skill he sought out and honed. he prickles when people comment on his ability to play the piano because that was forced on him, but he chose to start cooking and really enjoys it. his fire magic is who he is, but he does appreciate it when people recognize how powerful he really is at it. it could be seen as something negative, but he’s really powerful and really good and that’s an ego boost too. he has more control than most adults; he thinks he gets to be obnoxious about it. 

not really. he does a lot of mental work to handle having guardians, especially since his parents killed theirs. which i know is a very literal take of work, since it’s literally their job to look after him. but laurel, his guardian, is more like his friend than an employee. she lives in his house and has free time whenever christian can give it to her. he doesn’t let her stand in the background in his home he’s like tf are u doing get over here. he also fights rose when she tries to do work around the house bc he’s like ?? you don’t ?? need to do that ?? 

part of this is that he’s very self-sufficient. he had to grow up fast, and he learned how to take care of a home at a very young age. tasha helped make sure he was independent, and so he sees other people doing things and he’s very wtf. he also grew up with people who would clean and cook for him, and he doesn’t want the people he lives with to think they have to do that, too. which is dumb bc it’s their space, too, but he’s working on that. 

does your muse enjoy giving people a hand with work?

yeah ! he doesn’t always think to though. he’ll make sarcastic comments the entire time, but he does like feeling useful and keeping busy. he wants to help out where he can, and honestly would make a good househusband. the problem is he’s not really big on physical labor and much prefers activities and work that require mental labor. he would rather help solve a puzzle than garden. 

what acts of service would your muse appreciate the most?

vacuuming the house... i know this contradicts everything that i said up there but.. he really doesn’t like vacuuming. or taking out the trash. he eventually becomes okay with rose buying groceries, and if laurel wanted to do the dishes after a meal he cooked, he wouldn’t complain. 

what is one chore your muse would prefer someone else do for them?

see above. i looked up examples of acts of service and went from there, but these are chores so yeah. 

honestly, no. he feels weird giving gifts. it was always something that was seen as this act of polite exchange, and he has too many memories of being asked to pick out something for complete strangers. he’s bigger on like...Big Gestures? small gifts aren’t his thing, but he’ll pay to put his friends through college lmao. he needs to learn money boundaries, but he also doesn’t like the money that he has because of the attachments it comes with. he’s simple; he just wants to make sure the people he loves are eating and have somewhere to sleep. he can gift his home. 

what is a gift your muse is hoping to receive?

love lmao. i’m sad. it’s really...the only thing. and at this point he kinda views it as a gift because it’s been so long that he’s like oh someone is kind to me and gifted me with love. in terms of like tangible things... i don’t think he really has anything. he stopped wishing for things a long, long time ago. he would probably geek out over a fancy kitchen kit, so i guess that. he kinda just gets whatever he needs when he needs it. which makes giving him practical gifts very difficult. he also has some major jess mariano energy in that he wants book recs and wants people to gift him their favorite books. 

does your muse prefer receiving more practical or fun gifts?

asked and answered thanks liz <3 

does your muse like it when someone spends a lot of money on them?

no. not at all. which is ironic when he’s the type to do exactly that without thinking about it. his parents just kinda spent a ton of money to uphold appearances, and he rejects that so supremely. he enjoyed his life so much more in his small apartment with tasha that they got to decorate themselves than he ever did with any gift his parents spent money on him with. it just makes him uncomfortable. he also just wouldn’t like any lavish gifts that would be expensive to begin with. 

INSIDE. like whew he does not want a night out. he’d feel weird and awkward because it’s just not his scene?? he gets used to large crowds, but it’s never where he’s gonna feel comfortable. it’s too reminiscent of dinners he was forced to go through as a child where it feels like appearances are all that matter. he’s rather just stay home, cook a meal, and watch some movie cuddled on the couch. WITH THAT SAID. he’s absolutely that guy who would love a library date tbqh. it’s a quiet place but like sharing your fave books and just reading next to each other...he’d feel so close to the other person. 

how comfortable is your muse with prolonged eye contact?

not very. even with people he loves, he finds that very odd. if there’s some sort of purpose to the eye contact, like trying to calm down or comfort the other person, then he will be okay. but overall he’s very...please stop looking at me. if he feels like he needs to protect someone he loves, however, he’ll stare down anyone. 

does your muse prefer conversation or just sitting quietly with their s/o?

sitting quietly!! conversation is nice and all but he’s not exactly known for his conversational skills. he doesn’t like mindless conversation very much, and would much prefer to sit in comfortable silence with the person he loves. it’s another reason why he doesn’t like going out on dates; he feels more pressure to hold a conversation and have small talk. it feels more like a business arrangement than a date. 

is it easy for your muse to devote their full attention to one person at a time?

yes. once you have his attention, you have all of him. he gets annoyed at other people interrupting his time with his s/o because he’s trying to spend time with them and wants to be with them completely, only them. he’s very quick to kick people out of the room if they try and interrupt ( this does usually apply to adrian ). 

it’s complicated. the short answer is yes. he just hasn’t been hugged by anyone other than his aunt in years, so he might take a long time to respond and be incredibly awkward about it. once he’s comfortable, though, he loves it!! it’s not really relevant he’s just such a little spoon !! he loves being held. 

where could someone touch your muse to calm them down?

asked and answered by liz <3 

is there anywhere on your muse’s body they want to be touched most?

this is such a weird question tbh. i don’t think it’s all that different from where he is touched to calm down?? aka hair, back, arms. i think shoulders are a big thing but that’s a bellamy thing. yes this is a va verse thing where i self inserted bellamy. but bellamy is big on shoulder touches and he got torn away from chrsitian when he was younger and he just misses that small, encouraging touch. 

does your muse find themselves subconsciously seeking out physical contact? ( ie. reaching for s/o’s hand without realizing it )

not really tbh. it’s not subconscious !! he doesn’t tend to reach out when he needs support so he kinda needs someone who can see when he needs that contact in his life, but he’s really good at that for other people! if he sees that someone else needs that, then he’ll reach out. it tends to be more of a conscious trying to comfort other people ( usually an s/o ) with physical touch. he’s big on resting his head on people’s shoulders / in their lap when he feels comfy ( again usually with an s/o ). anyway basically it’s usually deliberate.