RAMBLES

What i’ve really been thinking about is how disappointed you would be in me. How your moral high ground kept me in check all those years. But softly, with acceptance. I was always so focused on what I wasn’t getting from where we were. How quickly I always wanted to change everything. Its wasn’t until you were gone that I remembered how safe it felt to have a home with you that wasn’t a place, just a heart. That the simpler things were, and the more chaotic that made me, you never wavered in the slightest. I look for you in everyone I know. I look for that feeling of being known so deeply in everyone i’ve met. My heart hurts often, having to have locked it so tight. Its easier to keep it closed knowing there’s no possibility with them. Knowing I am just a thing that people have constructed me as. I am tired. So fucking tired not knowing how to be anymore.