“The hedgehog's dilemma, or sometimes the porcupine dilemma, is a metaphor about the challenges of human intimacy. It describes a situation in which a group of hedgehogs seek to move close to one another to share heat during cold weather. They must remain apart, however, as they cannot avoid hurting one another with their sharp spines. Though they all share the intention of a close reciprocal relationship, this cannot occur, for reasons they cannot avoid. Arthur Schopenhauer conceived this metaphor for the state of the individual in society. Despite goodwill, humans cannot be intimate without the risk of mutual harm, leading to cautious and tentative relationships. It could be seen as wise to be guarded with others for fear of getting hurt and also fear of causing hurt; however, this may lead to unsatisfying relationships. The dilemma may encourage self-imposed isolation.” (Wikipedia)
“A push-pull relationship is a dynamic characterized by alternating patterns of drawing a partner close (pulling) and then pushing them away (pushing). People may engage in push-pull dynamics for various reasons, including:
a fear of intimacy
unresolved attachment issues
a desire for control
In a push-pull relationship, one partner may oscillate, move back and forth between two points, between moments of pulling, like:
intense closeness
affection
attention
Followed by periods of pushing, such as:
distancing
aloofness
hostility
This cycle repeats, creating a pattern of instability and emotional highs and lows within the relationship.
This type of relationship is often considered toxic because it can perpetuate cycles of emotional manipulation, insecurity, and dependency. The push-pull dynamic can erode trust, intimacy, and communication within the relationship, making it challenging to maintain a healthy and fulfilling connection.
The push-pull dynamic can be particularly damaging to relationships. Research from 2017 suggests that individuals who withdraw after a conflict have a harder time emotionally recovering, and this withdrawal behavior also negatively affects their partner’s recovery.
Additionally, when withdrawal is used as a form of punishment, it worsens the emotional recovery process for both partners, leading to prolonged negative feelings and a refusal to forgive.” (PsychCentral)
“Parasomnias are disruptive behaviors or events that affect your sleep. You might walk, talk or make physical movements to act out a dream. You might wake up in fear or be unable to move… These can happen as you’re falling asleep, during sleep or right before you wake up. If you have a parasomnia, you might:
Talk in your sleep
Sleepwalk
Have nightmares
Wake up confused
Not remember what you did during the night
When these events occur, others may think you’re awake, but you’re actually asleep. In the morning, you might not remember what you did while you were sleeping.” (ClevelandClinic)
“A trauma bond is a powerful emotional attachment that a person develops for their abuser. The concept explains why a victim of abuse may return to their abuser, despite the physical and emotional consequences. For instance, children can maintain strong attachments to abusive parents, and domestic partners may stay together despite violence being part of the relationship. It can also occur in many other circumstances, such as person remaining loyal to a manipulative friend or a toxic boss.
Unlike healthy emotional connections, which involve consistency, trust, and mutual respect, trauma bonds are built on power imbalances and turbulent cycles of abuse and affection.
It’s not always easy to recognize an unhealthy dynamic, especially if you’re the one in it. Here are a few signs of a trauma bond:
Emotional attachment despite the harm it’s causing.
Difficulty leaving or staying separated.
High empathy towards the abuser.
Defending the abuser.
Low self-esteem and identity issues.
Self blame.
Social isolation.” (HelpGuide)
