The pain will ease if I can learn, there is no future. There is no past. I live this moment as my last.
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@ouctcnight
The pain will ease if I can learn, there is no future. There is no past. I live this moment as my last.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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if you Lͮͮ̈Ȏ̏̏͐VÈͣ͂ ̑͛͑̓̊̽ me D̹̻͎O̤̤̼̣͈Ṋ͈̞̖͔̠'̺̩͔̪͓Ț͇̖̣̺ let go
I keep c̅ă̩͖̯͙̜ͮ̑̆l̙͈̜̳ͨͫ͐ͧ̊͗l̘ͥͩ̂̚in͊̒̓͌͐g͍ͯ out your name, so you know I’m still HERE to wipe away your T E A R S
ofgloryisms:
his fingers twitch && his chest raises, his breathing is uneven. his lips tingle, as his tongue caresses his lower lip. his mouth is dry && lips are cracked. he is running out of time. the days that go by, seemed so muddled together, because they are. he doesn’t go by time, or look at the watch he has long ago abandoned. the drugs && drink consume him, like they had some years ago. he’d rather forget those moments. where he would fight to scrounge up what little money he could. in order to feed, not only his habit, but april’s, as well. he thought, he had finally let that part of himself behind, when he had gotten clean, but the truth is. addiction doesn’t just go away. once addicted. ALWAYS addicted && he knew that. oh, boy, did he fucking know that, he fucking wished that he could have found the strength to fight. the strength had long since faded. how many months ago, had that been ?? years, even ?? when had roger lost the will to live ?? had it been the moment he had discovered april’s body ?? it felt like it. you can’t move on from that. no one can. no matter how fucking strong one thought they were. you simply can’t.
the words he had sang several minutes ago, lingered heavily along his tongue. he’d repeat them again, but this time. in a whisper. the wind would caress the skin of his face && brush along his hair. the gentle brush of her hand along his shoulder, would cause him to jump. her voice, would send shivers down his spine. ❝mimi ??❞ tired feet would parry a top the ground, as he turned himself around. his exhausted gaze would fall upon her beautiful && angelic features. how the fucking tables had turned. where she would be in his spot, && he, hers, but here he was. battling an addiction && her living her life. doing what ?? she hadn’t looked like she had been using, but than again. he was far too tired; exhausted to even take notice in what was going on around him.
words. he can’t seem to find. no. they’ve escaped him now. what should he say ?? he must say something. instead, of just standing there. gawking at her, like some mad-man. his tongue would brush along his lips. then he would turn his gaze from her. fingers tingling, as he pulls them through his hair. sniffing. ( he has been doing that a lot lately ), pulling his fingers along his face. he is rocking along the balls of his feet now. stomach churning. flipping. somersaults. he wants to leave; to run, but he doesn’t. he stays rooted to the spot. his cheeks glistening with fresh tears. ❝your eyes. as we said our goodbyes. can’t get them out of my mind, && i find, i can’t hide from your eyes.❞ his voice is weak. barely a whisper. could she hear his words ?? did he want her to hear him ?? he finds himself fighting the urge to grab her up && take her in his arms. ❝the ones that took me by surprise. the night you came into my life. where there’s moonlight. i see your eyes.❞
part of her had been wanting this. to be able to see him again. but she wasn't ready for what her eyes fell upon. she knew he was using again but this bad, she would have never guessed. her irises soften as she studied his face, the tiredness clear as day not only written on his face but in his pupils. a sharp intake of breathe was all it took for her to realize how dry her throat was. how the nervous seem to slowly seep their way into her body. her brows creased in concern as her long, cold fingers reached up & lightly brushed against his cheek. if only she had known how bad he was, she would have never waited around for him to find her. she would have never left. why did she leave him when she knew for a fact that he was using again??
this inner fight she was having with herself could be saved for another time but her gaze from his exhausted irises couldn't alter. she couldn't pull herself to look away from him, to check the rest of his body. to find the recent track marks, the ones she knew would cause a sharp pain in her chest the moment she saw them. did she even know what to say to him?? no, not even close. but she knew that she had to say something ( ANYTHING instead of just starring at him ) but nothing would push their way out of the back of her throat. so she was left there, starring at him as her fingers gentle ran across his cheek.
as a soft sigh fell from her lips as the strength to pull her hand away from him came to her & as her hand finally fell back to her side, her heart kept a steady beat. she knew the words ( how could she EVER forget them?? )) they were embedded into her memory. soon her pupils fell shut as hher fingers shakingly ran through her dark hair with a quite hum. ❝ roger... ❞ she found something to say but it wasn't anything that she wanted to say. how many times could she possibly repeat his name?? in that moment she realized that any sort of buzz that she had from the intake of alcohol before she left work was completely knocked out of her the SECOND she heard his voice. heard the WORDS he spoke. ❝ i'm so sorry. i shouldn't have LEFT. i should have NEVER gotten upset & held it over you. not after what i did with benny. you were right all along. ❞ her pupils finally looked up at him & the sudden feeling of relief & saddness washed over her.
without a single moment of hesitation, she reached up & lightly brushed his thin blonde hair away from his face, allowing a hardly noticable smile to tug at her lips as her gaze remained locked on him. ❝ i should tell you... ❞ her voice came out as a whisper, one only she could hear, one that she HOPED that he could hear.
RENT - Mimi Marquez (1)

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upon watching the woman, kira couldn’t quiet herself but inch closer. she was unsure if it was creepier if she watched to see if anything happened to her or just randomly talking to her. yet the girl pushed herself to clear her throat, cocking her head to the other side before speaking up. “hey – are you alright? sorry for disturbing but – i just wanted to check.” she explained with a soft smile.
her attention quickly turned to the girl once her voice echoed in her ears. she wasn't going to be rude & ignore her. as much as she wanted to be alone to deal with her issues. she didn't like to talk about her problems unless that person was roger or ANGEL. but angel was no longer here. she couldn't go running to angel when things got HARD again. & she hadn't talked to roger in weeks so she wasn't sure if the option to go to him was still even there. ❝ it's alright & i'm fine, thanks for asking. ❞
going to new york seemed like a good idea at first, any sort of escape away from the hell that was murderville lakewood; but all the walking and tourist crap was tiring, so she needed a break. the bench seemed like a good spot, even if it was preoccupied by someone just staring at the clouds ( she’d been trying not to judge people, but at the moment she couldn’t help it ). slowly she lowered herself down to sit, with a small sigh, before pulling out her phone and going on instagram. she’d already posted enough about new york, but she wanted to do MORE, rub it in everyone’s face back at home.
she had heard someone sit down next to her but she didn't say anything. her irisies had wondered over to the person, just to get a QUICK glance at who was now on the bench with her. but as she took in the blonde girl, she noticed the phone so she quickly adverted her gaze back up to the sky, as she tried to relax her body. trying to ease away the temptation to ask to borrow the girl's phone for something that she KNEW she would never be able to tell the reason why. if she couldn't say why she needed to it, then she knew that she didn't need to use it. it'd only lead to trouble & more trouble fighting off the withdrawals if she tried to get clean again once she shot up again.
his body is 𝓻𝓲𝓭𝓭𝓵𝒆𝓭 with bruises, his arms ᵗʳᵃᶜᵏ ᵐᵃʳᵏˢ && there are black smudges along his fingertips && the edges of his lips, but he doesn’t care. he has stopped carrying a long time ago && he i just going through the motions now. he gets up. takes something for the hangover. eat’s if he can. takes his AZT; but really, how helpful is that. then he finds what little bit of his stash he can && shoots up, smokes it, or inhales it. whatever. as long as he get’s high. that’s all that matters && money is getting tight && roger’s running out of time && he hasn’t seen mimi in days. WEEKS.
probably for the best. just friends && nothing more && yet, he longed for her. 𝕥𝕠 𝕥𝕒𝕤𝕥𝕖 𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕝𝕚𝕡𝕤. 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕞𝕖𝕝𝕝 𝕙𝕖𝕣 𝕤𝕔𝕖𝕟𝕥 && yet, he had been the one that pushed her away. for what reason ?? because he had fallen for someone else ?? but, it had been ℓυѕт. in end. NOT ˡᵒᵛᵉ. as he knew it would be. it was mimi. it was always going to be mimi. his body aches. it aches for her. for something more. for something tangible. for something that he has lost. where’s mark when he needs him ?? where’s his fucking jiminy cricket, to set things right. to put roger in his place ?? he is no where to be found. has he managed to push all of his friends; his family away?? god, what a tragic thing to do. he needed them most now. needed their strength && guidance, now more than ever.
his feet would carry him along the pavement. the cigarette would dangle between his lips && his arms would wrap around his fragile frame. he looked as if he was going to fall apart at any moment now && though week as he was, he would manage to push aside his weakness && his voice would stretch outward && fill the air. it was fragile && meek, but the melody he carried had been the same one it had been the first time he had sung it && tears had somehow managed to fill his eyes. ❝who do you think you are, leaving me alone with my guitar ??❞ he had pushed her away. he had wanted this && yet, now all he wanted was to find himself back in her arms; back in her good graces, but nothing would ever be the same again.
she had just gotten off of work, she didn't know how she had been managed to stay longer than her normal shift. but there she was finally able to put back on the dress she wore into the club before having to change into one of her many outfits. as she wondered out of the dressing room, she found herself stopping at the bar. she knew that she probably should have just walked past it but if she wasn't going to be SHOOTING UP tonight, she at least to find something else to take the edge off. & that is exactly what she did for twenty minutes, drink & sit back, watching the other girls dance. she loved being on stage, having eyes stuck on her the entire time. it was a EXHILERATING feeling. a feeling that she didn't want to pass up anytime soon.
she managed to push herself away from the bar & out the door of the club, a bit too F A S T than she should have. because not long after the cold wind hit her face, the dizziness sensation followed & it took several seconds for the world around her to stop vibrating in front of her eyes. she took her normal route which caused her runs with her past dealers ( current dealers ) only to have to tell them that she wasn't interested. it was a LIE. she was interested but she had been trying so hard these past couple weeks to stay clean. it was definitely the hardest thing she had to do aside from staying away from roger. she didn't want to. she wanted to be around him. she ALWAYS wanted to be around him. she was endlessly in love with him & having to deny it was the hardest thing for her. bt she figured that he needed the space even though she was the one that told him to leave her alone. she never really intend for it to ACTUALLY happen. but it did. she just kept the underlining hope that he would come back to her. but until that happened, she forced herself to merely stay on the same route --- work, forcing herself to avoid powder & staying in her apartment.
as she cut through the park, her dark irises stayed focused on the ground below her, her fingers toyed with the hem of her dress, the fabric of the dress was soft. it was a comforting feeling against her fingertips. a sharp intake of breathe got stuck in her throat as her ears caught the sound of a melody she hadn't heard in quite sometime. her widen pupils looked up & noticed the back of the man, the eerily similar locks of blonde hair caused her heart to drop to her stomach. before she could even process what her body was doing, she found herself moving faster towards him until she was right behind him. her hands were shaking uncontrolably as she reached out until she felt her fingers brush against the fabric over his shoulder. ❝ ...roger. ❞ she could barely hear her own voice, it was too choked up to even remotely sound like hers. she knew BETTER. she knew that she shouldn't let her emotions control her as much as they did. but when it came to roger she felt like she had no control.
it was easy when she was by herself, she could do what she wanted WITHOUT the thought of what others would say. but lately, she found herself actually TRYING. it was a lot harder than she remembered but this was one thing that she needed for herself. her hands were shaking & no matter how much she focused on stopping herself from the obvious signs of withdrawal. nothing worked. she was still shaking & she felt the never ending coldness throughout her entire body. she was sure that she looked just as bad as she felt but at least she attempted to put some effort in her appearence today. she didn't step foot into the club, she was off & she didn't really feel like dancing today. if anything, all she wanted was to be able to sleep. at least when she was sleeping she didn't noticing the obvious signs of the days without powder in her life. as she sat down on an empty bench, her head leaned back & dark irises looked up at the sky, the cool new york breeze actually felt nice against her skin, causing a small smile to graze her lips.
RENT + favorite character: mimi marquez & angel dumott schunard (requested by anonymous)

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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“Maybe there are no good guys.” (Chanel / chanelonc)
MEME. / ACCEPTING. ( @chanelonc )
❝ then don’t go looking for them, cause all you’re going to do is find the shitty ones. ❞
“you mind sharing? I can get you seem later, whatever you want. I just sold the rest of what I had”
❝ if you're an ADDICT, you should know BETTER than to steal it all. ❞
i can lose EVERYTHING. but god, oh GOD. i CAN’T lose YOU.
“ i’ll never be enough, will i? ” [ Lily | wiitchisms. ]
MEME. / ACCEPTING. ( @wiitchisms )
❝ good enough for who?? & why would you think you’re not good enough?? ❞

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
“You ugh, you don’t happen to have any do you?”
❝ i’m a JUNKIE. of course i have some. i always have some. ❞
“ they were flirting with you ” [ Lily | wiitchisms. ]
MEME. / ACCEPTING. ( @wiitchisms )
❝ it doesn’t really MATTER. none of them do. there is only one guy that matters & he isn’t one of them. so let them flirt, it’s not like they stand a CHANCE. ❞