⌛ is running out.

his fingers twitch && his chest raises, his breathing is uneven. his lips tingle, as his tongue caresses his lower lip. his mouth is dry && lips are cracked. he is running out of time. the days that go by, seemed so muddled together, because they are. he doesn’t go by time, or look at the watch he has long ago abandoned. the drugs && drink consume him, like they had some years ago. he’d rather forget those moments. where he would fight to scrounge up what little money he could. in order to feed, not only his habit, but april’s, as well. he thought, he had finally let that part of himself behind, when he had gotten clean, but the truth is. addiction doesn’t just go away. once addicted. ＡＬＷＡＹＳ addicted && he knew that. oh, boy, did he fucking know that, he fucking wished that he could have found the strength to fight. the strength had long since faded. how many months ago, had that been ?? years, even ?? when had roger lost the will to live ?? had it been the moment he had discovered april’s body ?? it felt like it. you can’t move on from that. no one can. no matter how fucking strong one thought they were. you simply can’t.

the words he had sang several minutes ago, lingered heavily along his tongue. he’d repeat them again, but this time. in a whisper. the wind would caress the skin of his face && brush along his hair. the gentle brush of her hand along his shoulder, would cause him to jump. her voice, would send shivers down his spine.  ❝mimi ??❞ tired feet would parry a top the ground, as he turned himself around. his exhausted gaze would fall upon her beautiful && angelic features. how the fucking tables had turned. where she would be in his spot, && he, hers, but here he was. battling an addiction && her living her life. doing what ?? she hadn’t looked like she had been using, but than again. he was far too tired; exhausted to even take notice in what was going on around him.

words. he can’t seem to find. no. they’ve escaped him now. what should he say ?? he must say something. instead, of just standing there. gawking at her, like some mad-man. his tongue would brush along his lips. then he would turn his gaze from her. fingers tingling, as he pulls them through his hair. sniffing. ( he has been doing that a lot lately ), pulling his fingers along his face. he is rocking along the balls of his feet now. stomach churning. flipping. somersaults. he wants to leave; to run, but he doesn’t. he stays rooted to the spot. his cheeks glistening with fresh tears. ❝your eyes. as we said our goodbyes. can’t get them out of my mind, && i find, i can’t hide from your eyes.❞ his voice is weak. barely a whisper. could she hear his words ?? did he want her to hear him ?? he finds himself fighting the urge to grab her up && take her in his arms. ❝the ones that took me by surprise. the night you came into my life. where there’s moonlight. i see your eyes.❞

part of her had been wanting this. to be able to see him again. but she wasn't ready for what her eyes fell upon. she knew he was using again but this bad, she would have never guessed. her irises soften as she studied his face, the tiredness clear as day not only written on his face but in his pupils. a sharp intake of breathe was all it took for her to realize how dry her throat was. how the nervous seem to slowly seep their way into her body. her brows creased in concern as her long, cold fingers reached up & lightly brushed against his cheek. if only she had known how bad he was, she would have never waited around for him to find her. she would have never left. why did she leave him when she knew for a fact that he was using again??

this inner fight she was having with herself could be saved for another time but her gaze from his exhausted irises couldn't alter. she couldn't pull herself to look away from him, to check the rest of his body. to find the recent track marks, the ones she knew would cause a sharp pain in her chest the moment she saw them. did she even know what to say to him?? no, not even close. but she knew that she had to say something ( ANYTHING instead of just starring at him ) but nothing would push their way out of the back of her throat. so she was left there, starring at him as her fingers gentle ran across his cheek.

as a soft sigh fell from her lips as the strength to pull her hand away from him came to her & as her hand finally fell back to her side, her heart kept a steady beat. she knew the words ( how could she EVER forget them?? )) they were embedded into her memory. soon her pupils fell shut as hher fingers shakingly ran through her dark hair with a quite hum. ❝ roger... ❞ she found something to say but it wasn't anything that she wanted to say. how many times could she possibly repeat his name?? in that moment she realized that any sort of buzz that she had from the intake of alcohol before she left work was completely knocked out of her the SECOND she heard his voice. heard the WORDS he spoke. ❝ i'm so sorry. i shouldn't have LEFT. i should have NEVER gotten upset & held it over you. not after what i did with benny. you were right all along. ❞ her pupils finally looked up at him & the sudden feeling of relief & saddness washed over her.

MEME. / ACCEPTING. ( @chanelonc )

MEME. / ACCEPTING. ( @wiitchisms )

MEME. / ACCEPTING. ( @wiitchisms )