Elden Ring Movie Cast Revealed!
FIJMU News 8-12-26 by Jess Gitgud
Alex Garland has finally announced the cast of his upcoming Elden Ring film! The director of Annihilation, Civil War, Warfare, and also some decent movies, Garland scored the director job of a lifetime with this upcoming game adaptation which boasts a budget of over 120 million dollars, five of which won't just go into the producer's pockets.
Here are the final confirmed roles for the actors announced:
Melina - Cailee Spaeny, perfectly cast, rumor has it she already got the claw symbol tattooed permanently!
General Radahn - Nick Offerman, perfect for this tough role, Offerman has already learned to ride a horse, removed his feet, and eaten the flesh of veterans to become the character!
Godrick the Grafted - Jonathan Pryce, known mostly for regal British roles, now he can go wild with this wicked role! His natural extra limbs will also prove a benefit!
Hoarah Loux, Warrior - Dolph Lundgren, he won't need to act much to become this beefy beast of a man, "Probably a good thing," according to his many time co-star Sylvester Stallone.
Alexander, Warrior Jar - Danny DeVito, iconic in too many roles to mention, DeVito has already recorded his lines, and spent over 70 hours inside a jar of guts on set despite not being asked to for the entirely CGI role. Where he got the jar of guts is under investigation.
Gurranq, Beast Clergyman - Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, the famous wrestler gained 7,000 pounds to play this beast and its spoilery alternate form! Whether he will grow head and body hair is unknown.
Astel, Naturalborn of the Void - Scarlett Johannson, she's not actually a malformed stellar entity, but she's also not Japanese or Trans so this role poaching is nothing new to her.
Godskin Duo - Bud Abbott and Lou Costello, both dead, this unconventional casting is made to ensure extreme accuracy to the roles, which are also both deceased zombies. True-to-theme casting!
The Loathsome Dung Eater - Jared Leto, more true-to-theme casting!
The Elden Ring movie is planned for a 2028 release before it's cancelled and written off as a tax benefit to a few CEOs.
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