Okie Dokie Artichokie

When I totaled my car last spring, it was by plowing straight thru a fence into a cow pasture on my way to a job interview, and the one thing that saved me from being utterly consumed by despair was the fact that the cows were utterly bonkers with curiosity about the weird object that was suddenly in their field, and they completely SWARMED me and my car with good-natured excitement. They ate my lunch (and my cars bill of sale documents), they used the wrecked husk of my car as a rubbing post, they tried to lick my face, and most importantly because of them I was not just crying alone in the rain, and for these things I'm literally forever in their debt.

Jesus fucking christ

Glen and Friends Start a Drug Ring

1 am. im throwing rocks against gods window. she opens. I tell her “you fucked up with vampires. they should be real.” she politely reinverts every atom in my body, thusly undefining me and beginning anew with a fresh physical form. im a hamster now. my opinion does not change.

I just now noticed thar your icon isn’t a parakette. I am upset.

how? how does it look like a parakeet?

that makes sense. im so mad that im gonna flap my little wings and go commit war crimes

Shut the fuck up olivia

Given that username structure, there could be as many as 78.4 billion Olivias. They are the true tumblr users. All other accounts are merely noise to the great Olivia hive-mind

LMAO "the great Olivia hive-mind"

If mads mikkelsen was my friend this is exactly how i would treat him…

What other website am i going to see posts where the op talks about “bam! Free bees!”

game night with the bros

edward gamer hands

okay, jeff, you KNOW at this point you gotta change your url

they let him have a solo this is so wholesome!