all the things we said

The fact of the matter is that people in Shane's life would generally assume he's incredibly awkward about sex. Honestly, it's hard to imagine him ever even having it.

If Shane and Ilya’s relationship was ‘low stakes’, it wouldn’t have taken them ten years to finally admit to themselves they loved each other. They would have done it after the third hookup because those bitches are insane about each other and even despite personal hang ups they wanted to live in each other’s armpits from day one.

How much do you think it fucked Ilya's brain to be the only human being who gets to witness Shane *standing man emoji* Hollander show up to every hook up walking awkwardly and standing in a manner that makes his huge athletic body look 2 apples tall and not knowing what to do with his hands and the spongebob brain fire meme is happening inside his head trying to start a conversation and looking around nervously up until the second Ilya's lips touch his and this bitch turns into a full fucking sex machine tank full of horny fuel rubbing himself on Ilya's dick like he's trying to light a match on a brick wall climbing him like a spider monkey scratching his back and peeling off enough skin to put him behind bars for attempted murder dropping to his knees nuzzling his face on Ilya's crotch and swallowing his dick like it's the only meal he can eat call that a macrobiodick diet and he's ripping Ilya's clothes off and bending over the first piece of furniture in sight and as soon as he's done getting his ass ate he's throwing Ilya on the bed and riding him like a cowboy from the Academy Award winning cowboy movie of his namesake (I just found out about Shane 1953 like 2 seconds ago) and reducing Ilya to a babbling pathetic Russian mess begging to come.

@gorgeousundertow ...oh