▸ route selection, ◂

it finally got remade

i am back

xoxo

you can currently find me on these blogs:

@wonderloste , @otomates 

i’ll make my official post when things are more established but... gently lays hands on this blog. i lov u. i’ll see u all on the flip side.

soooo ... hi there KJNMEKRJHNM

i don’t really owe the internet anything but i do have friends here so i feel like updating what exactly has. happened. 🥺 nothing bad, i haven’t been awol bc of some tragic circumstances this time around lol.

actually my life has kinda entirely changed. i, uh, drove to my partner’s house a bit back and more or less helped them run away from their abusive household and now we’re living together, figuring stuff out, having to work through Life tm and stuff like that. honestly it’s just a huge change and i was already so airheaded about roleplaying before that even happened and then that became a thing and `everything changed` KJNERHM also i graduated college and i have a job and we’re talking about marriage and it’s jUST A LOT happened at one time

tbh i’ve lost muse for most of my characters here, i think that was p obvious before all of this happened... i’ve been floundering with threads for a while now. i still want to roleplay, but as much as i love characters from otome and having a multimuse and being able to focus on w/e muse has my interest in that moment... tbh i really miss having a single character blog where i can just pour ALL of my heart into one character and have everyone interact with them. it is a little disheartening being so split up on a multimuse sometimes bc i have so much passion for certain characters that just aren’t that popular to interact with, or ppl have more passion for interacting with characters who i have sorta fallen out of love with? and it’s really hard to keep up motivation for writing like that, esp when i’m juggling life things in between. i don’t have the time i used to and i don’t have as much of myself to split up between 9347937497 different characters AND fully flesh them out.

writing juliet and kuma where i met a lot of you, i had enough passion for them that i stuck with that one singular muse for YEARS before i lost interest and had to find love elsewhere. i’m... currently in a place where i’d like to try to find that love again. not necessarily with those muses, as much as i loved juliet and mono/kuma, their times have passed.

i want to pick up a singular muse. one single blog. pour all of my devotion into that character. not make the same mistake i did ages ago where i’d make 500 blogs. not make the mistake i did this time adding 100 muses.

i want to come back to roleplaying and rediscover all the passion i had for it  bc it’s always made me happy, i don’t really want to leave when i still do have free time i can devote to writing... 🥺

i’m going to spend some time thinking over characters that i actually feel attached to beyond just a passing interest. sdv alex and foodfan sweet tofu are the biggest contenders. louis from code vein too, just having the one blog maybe i could actually focus on DEVELOPING him and being happy w my portrayal. maybe i’ll do something brand new and whip out a random muse even i don’t see coming idk KJNEKRJHNM i need to consider.

whatever i decide to do, i hope i’ll still see some of you around when i figure out what muse/blog setup and all of that. in the meantime, i’m sorry for all the threads that have dragged/dropped while i’ve been trying to figure things out. and i’m sorry to my ship partners, i’ve kinda let y’all down big time kejnrhm. i’m going to take time to consider things.

i didn’t say it yesterday but happy pride month !! all of my muses are on the lgbt+ spectrum in various ways depending on the character n this is my first pride month being completely comfy with my identity have a chill june ride those rainbow vibes

side note can we acknowledge how big it is that mainline (western) story of seasons (prev harvest moon) games allow same sex marriage now ... it’s a big deal, i tbqh didn’t think that would happen in my lifetime lmao

Haley over here making me think about Alex’s actual feelings towards his mother because it’s never quite as simple as “I wanted to protect her” even though that’s overall what’s presented and genuinely how Alex DID feel ultimately. Under a cut for v blunt abuse talk.

▌𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐋 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 :  Gale Dumitru. ??? ▌𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐑 𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄𝐍 : Single - by default, verse / interaction dependent. Has never been in a relationship with anyone or caught feelings thus far, at all, ever.

can i ask which mods you use? it all looks so nice. *u*//

aaa sorry i’m late to seeing this, i’ve been distracted playing games & writing but!!

i used this list to build the majority of my aesthetic modlist. i think all the visual mods i have are on there. except for my portrait mod, which is this one.

Funny how Sebastian was so used to aggressive tones that he didn’t flinch when Alex’s came out (uncharacteristic as it was), but it was the softening after that made him uncomfortable.

He never knew what to do with glowing compliments and praise. Let alone a seemingly sincere desire for him to stay and be okay. Being sad if he was gone. Easier to just dismiss it as bullshit.

Though, he supposed that wasn’t helped by the topic of conversation bringing his addiction to the forefront of his mind and vehemently reminding him that he hadn’t satiated his craving in a while. A finger began idly tapping against his jeans, a physical manifestation of the oncoming struggle of resisting its call while standing there with the jock. He was responsible enough to avoid secondhand exposure as much as he could, but if their little scene at the dock was any indication—

Well, he couldn’t be certain how easily he’d let him leave and fill his lungs with smoke. No matter how worse and worse that need became.

He turned away from the taller boy, licking his lips and hiding his face behind the curtain of black hair. He’d heard it all before, from Sam and Abigail and his mother and Demetrius and Maru and Harvey (every fucking visit)—and for that reason, he was right. He hated preaching, hated being told what to do, hated the guilt trips and sad looks, and Alex’s demeanor was so close to that edge that of course he’d assume he was taking the same route and fall back on practiced resentment in response. The expected defensiveness from a perceived confrontation and cornering. Making him feel bad for his own coping mechanisms. Because no matter what decision he made for himself, someone had something to say about it.

Alex had no fucking idea what he put up with at home. Sebastian wasn’t about to sacrifice the crutch that kept him sane just to make him feel better. 

“… You’re a goddamn sap, you know that?” Sebastian scoffed, fingers sliding more directly over the pack, dying to pluck one out and light up. Licking his lips with a steadying breath; these conditions were dangerously prime for his temper to escape his control. “It’s not like I’m gonna die overnight. Tone it down.” This was a guilt trip, no matter what he said. “I’ve heard all this shit before, and it’s not gonna change anything. So, stop looking at me like that. Like the sad puppy dog routine’s gonna turn me around when it’s NOT.”

Feeling his resolve beginning to crack, the beginnings of frustration in his system, he submitted enough to deftly pluck a cigarette out just to, at least, appease himself with the sensation of it between his fingers. “… You care. Great. Fantastic. Appreciate it. You can discuss it with Sam and Abby about it, if you want, but you’re getting the same answer. I’m NOT quitting. I need this. More than you know. Leave it alone.”

Stubborn to a fault, always.

               In retrospect, perhaps their strange friendship starting the way it did that night on the pier was a blessing. Alex wouldn’t be able to say he’s surprised by the reaction he gets from Sebastian, because he’d already expected it, in a way. It’s not so much a case of just knowing him better now, though. He’s not stupid. He understands the frustrations that go into these things -- it’s the same for Pam and Shane, for his father way back in the day, for his mother becoming too reliant on medications... All different from each other, some more extreme, some outright violent, but all difficult in their own way. A vice is a vice is a vice.

               He’s not angry. Sebastian isn’t his father. Isn’t Shane or Pam. But for a moment, he’s sure he can recall having a similar argument with his mother back in the day, young as he’d been. He was less level headed, back then.

               “Does my honesty scare you?”  It’s a pretty blunt question and probably not the response the other man was expecting. He assumes that’s what it is, current context of the conversation aside. Maybe he is just frustrated and angry, but he’s not sure that’s the case, at least not entirely. He’s seen what anger looks like. The more upset he sees him act, the less he’s sure it’s straight anger he’s witnessing.  “It’s not a ‘sad puppy dog’ routine. It’s just honesty. It’s caring about friends and family, people you love. I would say the same to Sam. And frankly, I think he should wear a helmet on his skateboard, even if he looks like a doofus.”  It’s a bit of a lighthearted quip. He always does that, because it suits him.  “But I don’t want to talk about it with other people behind your back. I want to tell you that I care, not them.”

               Maybe he can’t understand everything about him beyond his assumptions, but one thing he knows for sure is what it looks like to crack under the pull of an addiction. So when he plucks a cigarette to hold, Alex doesn’t hesitate to walk forward. However, rather than reach for the object itself, knowing it’d just make things more heated, he wraps his arms around Sebastian’s waist and rests his chin on his shoulder from behind. Unlike his grip on him at the dock, this time it’s loose.

               “Don’t smoke around the times we’re together. I’ll carry candy for you.”

               It’s a quiet request, half mumbled. It’s not like they spend every day together or they don’t have their own schedules most of the week. He doesn’t find it particularly invasive and -- in all honesty -- he’s just asking for something Sebastian had been doing anyways. But, judging by the lopsided smile he has when he shifts to look at him from the corner of his eye, he’s precisely aware of just that. One would probably think, what’s the point, then? And yet... His smile only holds for a moment before his expression turns sincere.