i think i'll start gauging how to answer "how are you" questions by how many times that day ive listened to against the kitchen floor

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i think i'll start gauging how to answer "how are you" questions by how many times that day ive listened to against the kitchen floor

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i think i'll start gaging
late night sleepover party attendee voice: you guys think the love interest in jackie and wilson is a manic pixie dream girl?
"nothing lasts forever," he said, believing there was still time to be proven wrong
"thats not what this is about anymore," he said, realizing there wasn't
god the absurdity of it all
after six thousand years of repressing his own desires aziraphales been asked by god herself what he wants and he still doesnt get to have it. after crowley asked him to run away together while the world burned three separate times here crowley is at the end of it all telling him he wants them to sacrifice themselves for the world. after spending thousands of years fearing that his love for crowley would threaten his angelic status god tells him she found it cute and all his restraint was entirely self-imposed. after trying so hard to use his position as an angel to protect the world hes being told the only way he can truly protect it is to give up his position and his existence. there is no armageddon to stop, there is no heaven to answer to, there is no world to protect, there is no reason to fear gods disapproval, and they still cant communicate and its still too late for them. they spend the entire runtime trying to stop the end of the world and when given the chance to do anything at all they decide to end the world and themselves
its utterly absurd. if we take the finale to be canon theres no way around just how absurd it is. thats why aziraphale laughed when crowley asked "did i say the wrong thing?" it wasnt an expression of love for crowley or joy that hes finally made the Right Choice, it was laughter at the sheer absurdity of the situation

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finale aziraphale who simply decides he will not get what he wants. finale aziraphale who, after six thousand years of struggling and longing and disappointment and loneliness, decides he'll just let go. finale aziraphale who smiles through it all, who does not let himself cry, who puts on a brave face. the most human experience. the bravest and most tragic choice he could have made. he did not deserve this
ok you know what? sure, lets pretend aziraphale and crowleys actions at the end of the finale - to erase the universe and everything in it and to sacrifice his own wants and needs for "the greater good", respectively - are in character. for the sake of conversation lets say thats the case. that only works if you highlight the worst parts of them over every other bit of characterization
because like yeah! crowley did show signs of apathy and nihilism in the face of a rigged system, at his worst he might have suggested to destroy everything in favor of something more fair for humanity. and yeah aziraphale did show signs of sacrificing his desires, his morals, and his safety for the sake of others in the face of that rigged system, at his worst he might have given up every piece of himself and literally died for the sake of something more fair for humanity. but thats just it. those are the choices these characters would make at their worst. those are the worst sides of these two incredibly intelligent, empathetic, determined, wonderful beings
and if you roll with that for a second, if you take the finale to be canon and assume that those are the choices aziraphale and crowley would make, then it just becomes all that more devastating when you consider that it didnt even fucking work. the world they died for isnt suddenly fair and wonderful just because god isnt there to silently watch over it (a conclusion which is dubious at best), because heaven and hell are not the only ways in which the world is rigged. they are not the only sources of oppression and dictatorship. so now youve got a universe thats just as fucked, just as devastating, just as unfair if not more so, and aziraphale and crowley arent even there in the midst of it finding joy anyway because they are dead. they died. they chose to die and it was for nothing. thats the ending we got
every time someone asks for my discord i have to fight the internal war between
"actually no, you cant. i dont wanna exchange pronouns, have one surface level conversation, and then never talk to you again. i wish youd only ask me these things if you actually wanted to get to know me and be apart of my life long-term, and since thats not the case whats even the point"
and
"every human connection starts at the surface level and requires a somewhat awkward potentially meaningless get to know you phase. if you get through that bit this person could prove to be the most impactful and amazing relationship you ever have. this could be your soulmate"
at which point i remind myself this isnt how most people approach social interaction and spontaneously combust
i got so wrapped up in how beautiful and fitting jack wolfe's performance of epic iii is that i was completely blinded to just how astonishing reeve carney's performance in the original cast recording is. because good lord. where wolfe's performance of the official number is timid and earnest in a personal way carney's performance of the original number is sure of itself and story-like. obviously theres a difference in lyricism here, the original song is more poetry focused in an abstract way, making it feel more in line with the myth it retells, and the official song is more in line with the play itself, calling back to orpheus' words in all ive ever known. but also just . the flow of it. i mean the flow and the sound and the performance and the emotion in reeve carney's performance of the original cast recording is something else entirely. dont get me wrong the official song is great, and im as in love (platonically) with wolpheus as the next guy, but like good lord. im so extremely grateful we have the original version as well
for a happy ending thats one goddamn tragedy

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okay its been four hours since i saw it and im not upset as a fan anymore. im upset for aziraphale and crowley. because like good lord. definition of deserved better
absolutely hilarious that i spent all this time dying to know what happens and now all i want is to go back to when i didnt know
okay but why would hozier say "so much of the living is the being unknown"?? why would he say that?? as if its a simple truth of the universe to get used to. as if its acceptable. gutting me with a spoon would have hurt less, mr hozier, how about you try that next time
not that i even go here, but the thing about my moon my man by feist is that while the chorus alludes to a plea for something calm and quiet its underscored by that low bassline pushing forward so mixed together "take it slow take it easy on me" paints the perfect picture of something not without drive but something intentional in its calmness. the potential is there, its all right on the nerve
what in the absolute FUCK do you mean ao3 has dark mode. what do you mean this took me six years to realize. what do you mean you werent gonna tell me. jesus christ.

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doing school online at home is a super fun and flexible alternative to brick and mortar learning! until youre eating lunch in your house one afternoon and realize the only thing keeping you company is the mounting horror that you dont exist in the world and maybe you never will
sure yeah im as disappointed as the next guy that hadestown as a show chose to give the physical representation of capitalism and authoritarianism a redemption arc but you do gotta appreciate how blatantly it said that radical honesty is the only way to heal from greed and bitterness because first you have to recognize those feelings as grief