I ALWAYS LOSE THE THINGS I DON'T WANT TO LOSE THE MOST. THAT'S WHY I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING ANYMORE 「 . . . 」 THE MOMENT YOU GET YOUR HANDS ON SOMETHING WORTH GOING AFTER, YOU LOSE IT 「 . . . 」 THERE IS NOTHING WORTH PURSUING AT THE COST OF PROLONGING A LIFE OF SUFFERING.
LOW ACTIVITY WRITING BLOG FEATURING ⁽ ⋆ ⁾ THE DEMON PRODIGY, OSAMU DAZAI ⁽ 太宰 治 ⁾, PORT MAFIA EXECUTIVE TURNED GOOD DETECTIVE, HOLDER OF THE SPECIAL ABILITY NO LONGER HUMAN ⁽ 人間失格 ⁾ . FATE HEAVILY INTERTWINED WITH @CHUYUA .
⁽ ⋆ ⁾ AFFILIATED WITH @leventar, @houndlit ⅋ @ephamerel .
SAGE, THEY/THEM. 26 + UK.
⁽ ³ ⁾ REGARDING EXPLICIT CONTENT. triggering content will be featured on this blog but won't always be tagged as per the nature of the story this character originates from. please be warned for death, crimes including murder, suicide and suicidal ideation, gore. i will trigger warn whatever i think goes over the line of basic exploration. if you're uncomfortable with my choice not to always tag this content, you're welcome to unfollow. i do not write explicit sexual content, but things may be alluded to.
⁽ ⁴ ⁾ A NOTE REGARDING SHIPPING. shipping is not my main priority on this blog, especially not where dazai is concerned. i much prefer to explore other relationships and dynamics that exist for him. that being said, romantic dynamics can and will be explored, but are subject to plotting. while this blog is multi-ship, this blog is ship exclusive with @CHUYUA'S chuuya.
as a note, i do not ship dazai with atsushi, akutagawa, mori, oda, ango, or fyodor (whatever those 2 freaks got going on is NOT romantic but they can flirt like insane whores i don't care) .
OTHER PLACES YOU CAN FIND ME : @QISMET, canon and original multimuse.
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we're over on @ninkaku now! i'll circulate this but i went through my following and followed everyone i could see in my list so!! if i missed you it was probably a typo :)
we're over on @ninkaku now! i'll circulate this but i went through my following and followed everyone i could see in my list so!! if i missed you it was probably a typo :)
also this will be made a general note on my new blog for dazai BUUUUTTT shipping him with people is hard work … so it’s so likely to just Not happen. dazai is so complex where things like romantic love are concerned … canonically he sleeps around and experiences sexual attraction but i find it extremely hard to romantically pair him with people based on his nuances and complexities. BUT that being said, he can be your absolute worst nightmare of a friend / somewhat familial figure because he DOES form close bonds with people (despite saying that he doesn’t 🧍🏻♀️)
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warnings for topics of depression, death, apathy, antisocial personality disorder, suicide, abuse + psychopathy.
so i'm going to preface this by saying i am not a doctor and so this analysis is purely based off what is available in the source material and personal interpretations made from research. this is in no way a solid analysis, but i think when writing a character with the complexities dazai has, it's important to give a brief overview of what they are and how it will reflect in writing/interactions with other characters.
there are so many available analysis' on dazai having borderline personality disorder - i do not adhere to this. it is important to note that while dazai is based on a real person, the real dazai osamu lived in such a time where many diagnoses were either unavailable or not wholly trusted. please note that my analysis on osamu dazai, a character from bungo stray dogs, is not a reflection on his real life counterpart and is not meant to be interpreted as such.
firstly, i categorise dazai is living with clinical depression ( major depressive disorder ), which can manifest in many different ways but most notable to his character:
persistently low or depressed mood
anhedonia ( decreased interest in pleasurable activities )
sleep disturbances
suicidal thoughts and/or tendencies
some newer studies attribute mdd to sometimes, in certain individuals, exist alongside the learned helplessness theory which is the behaviour exhibited by a subject after enduring repeated aversive stimuli that which is beyond their control. the learned helplessness theory is a view that clinical depression may result from a real or perceived absence of control over the outcome of a situation.
i would go as far to attribute this theory to dazai, as though he repeatedly shows control over his own choices, his view on the absence of control he has on the outcome of life is shown multiple times, seen especially when he poses the question to mori, is there really any point to this thing we call living? from the age of fourteen, we see that under mori's guidance dazai is left absent of choices. he watches him kill someone and is told he will bear witness, and is kept under mori's wing and given tasks and goals to work towards to keep dazai occupied and under his control. further to this, in expanded studies individuals living with the learned helplessness theory may have a pessimistic explanatory style and tend to see negative events as permanent i.e. "this will never change", "there's nothing more we can do" i would say at a stretch that dazai's view on life and the way he experiences it fall under this category, and this is something he has tried to force on others, notably kunikida + atsushi.
it's important when dealing with analysis on mental illness to remember that comorbidity exists and that one or more disorders/illnesses can be present in any one person. so in the next instance, we'll talk about my view on dazai and apathy, antisocial personality disorder and the scale of psychopathy.
apathy is described as a symptom indicating loss of interest of emotions. apathy is not its own separate disorder/syndrome, and more commonly walks had in hand with those of depression and personality disorders ( not all, and this varies from person to person ). apathy is a recognised state of indifference, an absence of interest/concern for emotional, social, philosophical questioning and the world beyond it. people with severe apathy may experience a lesser quality of life as they have no interest processing emotion and/or experiencing life, and are higher risk for mortality or institutionalisation. where dazai is concerned i believe him to be on the severe scale of apathy, which can manifest in tandem in a severe lack of empathy and extreme difficulty in processing emotion, where the lack of concern for it is present. ( you see a dead bird on the side of the road and someone else finds it unbearably sad, but you think, why should i feel anything for it? it's dead. i have no connection to it, i didn't see it die. if i saw it die, would i feel differently? apathetics experience this kind of questioning as emotional responses do not come naturally do them. ) it is important to note that apathy and depression, while commonly present together in individuals suffering from either, are not shown as being linked.
antisocial personality disorder ( aspd as i will refer to it ) is something i find highly present for dazai, and it commonly links with the scale of psychopathy, despite psychopathy being something that is not able to be diagnosed. aspd is an adult diagnosis that is characterised by a persistent disregard and violation of other's rights (see: his treatment of kyusaku and akutagawa - kyusaku he locked away in the port mafia's basement, concluding that he could not "fix" them and make them less volatile. with akutagawa this is listed further below, but referencing his treatment of akutagawa and how he abused his power over him. ) beginning in childhood/early adolescence. those with aspd will often show a lack of empathy, manipulate others for personal gain and do not often feel remorse for their actions. they will struggle to form interpersonal relationships and experience significant impairments in social situations. further to this is irresponsible behaviour and a disregard for normal social structure, blaming others for problems within their lives, repeated law breaking and lack of clear moral judgement ( important to note that dazai would have killed kyusaku, as he already notes that he cannot change them, and it might be more beneficial than simply locking them away again, if not for the moral judgement that chuuya provided in that moment ). those with aspd are at greater risk of dying prematurely due to reckless behaviour and attempts on their own lives via suicide. noting dazai as having aspd with regards to criminal activity aligns on a natural course - dazai joined the port mafia's ranks in the hopes that exposing himself to violence and impropriety would allow him to form some kind of emotional reaction, whether positive or negative, he wanted to feel something - this does not work, as he is commonly shown to ponder the fact that still, he feels nothing, and trying to has become a useless activity. this is just one of many factors leading to dazai being a dangerous individual, and this lack of an emotional response to averse situations does not change in adulthood and with the new addition of positive choices, dazai is still indifferent.
on the diagnosis of aspd, people are commonly labelled as sociopaths, however i disregard this as i would link dazai heavily with being on the scale of psychopathy.
now, psychopathy cannot be diagnosed, and a key difference between sociopathy and psychopathy is that sociopaths are made, psychopaths are born with this predisposition. psychopathy can present in a severe lack of emotional regulation and ability to feel and process emotion, individuals on this scale are commonly noted to have "dead eyes". a common reference to this would be that as "average" people experience emotions like anger, sadness, fear, anxiety, happiness, for someone on the scale of psychopathy this manifests as experiencing these emotions completely dialled down. what this means for dazai is that there is an understanding of emotion, but no present ability to feel and comprehend it within himself without bringing it forth manually and picking apart with his logical mind.
labelling a character and/or person as a psychopath can be dangerous, and to put it plainly this because of the idiotic ideation that psychopaths are all insane. i know for a fact that many people would label dazai a psychopath and then that manifest in character traits that mirror that of the joker which is a good fictional portrayal of certain levels of psychopathy, but the way this is often interpreted in the rpc is usually harmful and combined with a severe lack of research into the things i have referenced above. ( further to this, i have seen people reference the scene in 15 where dazai shoots someone, and has them ask him for death. in my view, this is the beginning of his journey in his understanding that he cannot feel the way an "average" person would, and it is his first time killing someone with his own hands. the first gunshot fires and he shoots the man, killing him, and the cogs in his brain ask why didn't i feel anything? why didn't it shock me? shouldn't i be repulsed? if not, why aren't i happy about it? this indifference causes dazai to shoot several more times, a certain dissociation that is him chasing a reaction he believes should be there, whether positive or negative, but that simply does not exist. )
as a tldr; dazai is a psychopath and his mental state dances that scale alongside clinical depression, apathy and antisocial personality disorder, which under the scale of psychopathy, all of these play a role. in his younger years he explored death and violence to a frightening degree and used others as test subjects on his journey to make himself feel something, a feared member of the port mafia dazai was proficient in ways of torturing individuals to make them talk, referencing "is there anyone who didn't talk after i started interrogating them?" and this is because dazai sees people as things to play with both physically and mentally. he manipulated chuuya's friends into thinking the worst and set in motion the plan to force chuuya into the port mafia, despite already having decided he wouldn't kill the sheep. he abused his power over akutagawa to force him into a state of dependency on dazai's approval, physically and emotionally wounded him to a point beyond recognition and that forced him to do well on the reliance of dazai's good mood.
his actions are inexcusable, and the traits of all listed above manifest in his "new life" within the ada, in different ways. psychopaths do not need to be inherently evil, and this is a common misconception. psychopathy is referenced to be a driving force for serial killers, murderers, criminals as they lack emotional comprehension and moral guidance that "average" people do not need to think about. dazai makes conscious efforts to perform the role of an "average" person, brings emotion forth manually and acts it out as he has seen others do. he can empathise, he can feel, but it takes a great deal of effort, as if he didn't force this, he simply wouldn't feel, wouldn't comprehend emotional responses. for the most part, this has become second - nature to him now, and can do so easily. but there are times where the mask he wears slips ( see: dark era dazai, age eighteen, walking towards a volatile gunman who had his weapon pointed directly at his head, asking him to kill him - knowing he would miss as he had calculated the man was fatally injured and couldn't make the shot, but it is referenced that he was begging to be let go from the hold the world had on him, going as far as to almost cry ).
dazai's performance of emotion within the ada is important because it is at least 80% MORE than what it was when he was with the port mafia, and this is because as a tactic of manipulation, it does not serve him to be feared within the ada, or by the people he's supposed to help. the whimsical nature that you see, dazai is comfortable feeling and performing, but it is that. a performance of a capability he doesn't have naturally.
i hope this makes sense. again in no way is this a solid analysis, just my thoughts and feelings on how dazai presents as a character with a lot of nuance, and i feel its important that when i'm talking about him, or characters are interacting with him, people understand what i mean when i may reference certain things.
violent asphodels, are drenched with cathedrals of slaughter: altars of blood, in an abattoir of your ribs, a novelty on display ( raised in darkness shrouds - of his, your coat ) your throat is raw, it's red. bleeding, it feels warm & like static, where when limbs fall asleep - there is blood on your teeth, it almost blisters & itches ( he brought it up from your chest, from your lungs ) it fills, spills out into the cement below your hands. vision blurs on the edge, he still remains the one you look up to. ( even when @osaumu hurts you? especially when he hurts me. )
❛ dazai-san ... ❜ cough, cough. the cement painted crimson, from the beast - feral, cruel: with pointed fangs & long claws, only satiated by the poison of its owner ( that i would gladly drink, even if you didn't allow me to ) your body aches. it curls in on itself, there's a threat of tears - you refuse to let them fall, he'll see you as weak if you do ( i am not weak, i refuse to be weak in your eyes. ) ❛ i won't– [cough] won't ... make the same mistake. ❜
a certain anger befalls upon him in the face of weakness, sits atop his chest and boils his blood, lets it flicker through his marrow and settle in the tips his fingers to curl to fists, that which dazai uses to strike. seeks to maim, to hurt, to destroy the very heart of it. blackened gaze, deadened to life's fragile light rest upon the form of the boy he thinks has further to break. within the cycle, it's all the same. in the years before, fledgling drawn into a nest of empty promises of merciful slaughter, mori did not release dazai into the world until he was sure he could tighten the leash just so, until he was certain that he had given him something worth clutching control for. now, dazai refuses to let akutagawa and his beast outside of its cage until it learns to defend itself ⸺ you won't let anyone else hurt you, because i made pain feel like something to be earned.
blood that stains the space between them is a common picture of the lesson yet to be learned, the air and its silence bites and stings as footsteps approach and dazai crouches to level with him, lowering himself to a height unbecoming of them both, and concludes that bleeding is a disgusting display of loyalty. elbows resting atop his knees, head tipped in a display of mock understanding, pity, questioning. time ticks forward and optic narrows, deep sigh forged from the depths of dazai's lungs that forces itself into the open air before he speaks, and the first words are light, as though all can be forgotten. “ i know you won't. ” and perhaps another would leave it there, hang silent forgiveness and set to move on. not dazai, where his tone then dances the edges of dark cruelty and unrelenting irritation. “ you shouldn't have made it in the first place. get up. ”
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once the generators had been switched off from outside the quarantine zone, the last thing to seep out of the apartment was the heat. it didn't help that since the broadcast, dazai had sat on their balcony and spent the evening peeling pistachios out of their shells, throwing them over the side of the building and watching as the wind managed to pick up the lightest of them and carry them away, the ones with more mass falling onto some poor senior's space below, the absent tutting filtering back up to where he sat rooted to the spot, thinking and freezing. the charade stopped once he heard the front door open again, the velcro of a gun holster ripping and a thud from the weapon being placed down. shuffling footsteps sounding behind him into the kitchen and when he gave a small glance over his shoulder to confirm the familiar presence, dazai relaxed and turned his gaze back to the setting sun, the cascade of orange hues cast upon the clouds, lighting up the sky like a flare. against the partial white of remaining clouds, when he raised his hand to inspect the wound that had not healed nor worsened, he sighed. quite the predicament.
he wondered, absently running his thumb over the cut and feeling it warm under the touch, whether he would know if the insanity gripped him the way it did others. he felt no less sane than the average day, and if being kept like livestock for slaughter didn't do anything to worsen his mood, would he be able to tell if he started to truly lose his mind, or would he have to rely on the unseeing eyes of others to stop him biting out a throat or two, before it was too late? it might not even happen, dazai had to remind himself, because if the rate of infection is anything to go by, i have well and truly surpassed the timeframe allotted for the parasite to take hold, but i could be a late bloomer ... ⸺ a slap to the back of his hand ripped dazai from his thoughts, a breeze of flamed hair passing his peripherals as chuuya took up the space next to him as he hissed, warm touch pressed against him from their knees to their thighs. only when he saw the blanket covering chuuya's shoulders did he start to feel the early night's chill, shiver running through his spine and settling at the base of it before the other half draped around his own frame, enveloping him in warmth and the smell of their shared laundry detergent ⸺ chuuya's pick, much like the majority of the furnishings because he had wanted the place in the first instance, proclaimed he had the right eye for interior design, and dazai had been inclined to agree.
⅋ @chuyua . . . “ this is a one time thing. ”
words spoken and cracking the silence as dazai felt his marred hand picked up and placed between two warm palms. ah, so he notices. though he knew that, had always known that chuuya could read his mind if he looked closely enough. maybe that simple thought would be enough to warm him further, gaze coloured crimson in the setting sun boring holes into the contact before his head dropped to chuuya's shoulder with a drawn out sigh, bone deep and tired from the day spent chasing the apartment building's inhabitants around, trying to maintain a civil order and all but failing in every aspect, but the corners of it lifting just so with the contact alone. “ sure it is. i won't say a word when i feel those ice picks you have for toes pressing against my leg later. ” the gentle quiet that lay between them, the searing touch of chuuya's hands enveloping his own, it begged to be ruined, scarred, torn apart and broken as though undeserving of it. a puff of air from between his lips. “ we should make a pact, like they do in movies. ” too dangerous to seal it in blood, and dazai didn't feel much like mingling spit between their palms, so words of promise would have to suffice. “ whatever happens, if i start going mad, i'll tell you. i'm already half - way there, so take that as your pre - warning, mon petite officer. ” the gentle rub of their shoulders, dazai's free hand catching the blanket as it threatened to fall. chuuya his village, he would have to work to keep the blockade from failing. “ and you tell me. not like i wouldn't notice, but it's the thought that counts. mm ... agreed? ”
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i hate seeing bad dazai takes it's like they're discussing his will to die and they go "he doesn't want to die because canonically he said [something performative and only said to divert attention from himself]" and canonically i'm in your walls ?? so ??
knowing your partner well can potentially make writing together a lot easier. repost, do not reblog.
name. sage
pronouns. they/them
preference of communication. discord! always available for mutuals!
name of muse(s). most prominent at the moment are dazai + geto!
best experience. hmm, i've made a lot of friends through writing! starting off on twitter in like, 2012 i met my best friend of 8 years, moving onto this hellscape (affectionate) i've met similarly lifelong friends and my partner ♡ ! writing has always been something i enjoy and i majored (that's not really a thing in the uk but it was a focus of the degree i never finished lmao, but i did get a diploma!) in screenwriting, so the aspects of rp are similar to that in a way, i think of it less like writing a novel and more like writing a screenplay. in my writing i'm huuuge on scene-setting and meanings behind things and always have a huge focus on what characters are doing that i often forget they need to speak and not gaze at each other ...
rp community pet peeves/dealbreakers. someone said negative comparisons where duplicate muses are concerned and i agree, as someone who has always been duplicate friendly it's so sad when people pit themselves against others for the sake of a few harsh words. this has become slightly less common though! and as such i'm glad my little community that i've built here doesn't have anyone like that hanging around! i also don't like pressure, drama ... the usual stuff that tends to be annoying where any rpc community is concerned.
muse preferences. yikes uhhh ... the ones that are typically seen as one - sided? morally ambiguous or grey? typically seen to have that "all for one" attitude but really it's "one for all"? i tend to take on characters that represent melancholy more often than not and i'm not sure what that says about me as a person but ... mhhhm. biggest muse focuses for me are when i can really dig emotional wells within them and pick them and their stories apart. i like nuance, but i don't tend to write many villainous characters, at least not those that are evil to their cores. i commonly write those that have something to fight for i guess?
plots or prompts. both! i utilise prompts to turn them into threads unless i just want the opportunity to go offfff on some character introspection using the prompt as the basis.
long or short replies. i tend to match whatever anyone throws at me, but i also don't know when to stfu. sorry for who i am as a person.
best time to write. uhhhh ... all the time? that's maybe a lie considering i'm always posting about not writing but honestly whenever the inspiration hits BUUUUUTTT i'm always always always available to talk people's ears off.
are you like your muses? considering i pick the melancholy boy/girl failures, yeah?? but my moral compass points towards good so :p