Thicker than a Snickers

I’d like to introduce my first “segment” here on Original Wolf Fest- you guessed it: 

Party Wizard!

Every Tuesday night, I’ll post a story of some of the craziest partiers I’ve known. 

Tonight, we’re gonna talk about a kid we’ll call Tyler. 

I’ve only met Tyler once, but I can say honestly that I’ll always remember that night.

I had one roommate in college that I really stayed friends with. She lived a few hours from where I lived after we moved out, so we didn’t see each other a whole lot. We’ll call her Molly.

Molly is good people. One of the first times we hung out together after moving out was meeting up at this concert in my town. She went with a bunch of her friends and I went with a bunch of mine.

Molly got kicked out of the concert for sneaking backstage and trying to steal the setlist like a true hero. After the show, we all met back up at my place to smoke and hang out for a bit. 

(Small side note--I was still living with my parents, and I didn’t realize that my mom was home from work that night.)

I paraded about 15 people straight into my house through the front door and ushered everyone to the backyard to smoke, given that new development.

I rolled a blunt in the dark, which was a source of pride for many months to come. We were all smoking and having a nice time. The blunt was towards it’s bitter end, and someone told Tyler to eat the blunt.

Tyler asked no questions.

Tyler didn’t hesitate a bit.

Tyler just supermanned the blunt right then and there.

I was amazed at how easy it was. At some point later on in time, I asked Lucy about Tyler. I was fascinated by the fact that he was so willing to EAT A BLUNT (granted, it was 3/4 gone), and NEEDED to know more about him. 

I asked Molly a question somewhere along the lines of, “What is he like as a person?”

Tyler’s superhuman abilities don’t stop there. He went to a party with Molly once where he took not one, not two, but FIVE shots of Everclear (Google it. Five shots of Everclear is a HORRIBLE fucking idea), proceeded to vomit for about 20 minutes straight, and was totally fine. He continued to party and lived to see another day. He once was seen eating a pizza crust that had been SOAKED in blue curacao, which, although not crazy high in alcohol content, shows an intense determination.

Or maybe someone just said, “Hey Tyler, eat this.”

Here’s to our Party Wizard of the week--Tyler!

First off, I’d like to start by thanking tumblr for whatever algorithm they use to suggest usernames. Original wolf fest is way better than anything I could have come up with on my own, honestly. 

Second, hello! I’m a young comedy enthusiast who just needed another medium through which to express the funnies. Here, you will find the things I make. I make jokes, stories, commentaries, and so on. Anything I post here, unless otherwise stated, is my own.