#comedy blog

illustrated what i’ve been doing to people all day in the form of some of my favorite gay objects

photo under cut so you can terrorize your friends too

***Ahoy-hoy! Mi llamo Andy & je suis comedian. Sometimes I will blog a lil comedy thingy like this and some people, likely comedians, tell me they find it helpful. That’s great, but a mere coincidence as I blog these blogs for me. As a reminder of my own principles/opinions/hard earned wisdom by way of experience (I’m old). I’m just putting this little caveat here to let the readers know that you may disagree with me, or think I’m super duper double bubble bug ass wrong…but idgaf, and I don’t wanna hear what you have to say about me bein so wrong. Also, you’re wrong, not me. I’m right about this stuff and little else. That said, here are some “rules” no one has to follow because there are no rules really. You can be as bad at comedy as you want.***

Rule 1: ask yourself, “am I *really* grinding?” Did you answer “yes?” Well, knock it off.

Who are you? This isn’t 8 Mile. No shadowboxing! No grinding! Nnno! a grind is a grind. It sucks. I do comedy all the time because it’s what I want to be doing. This getting a boner over how many sets you got in this week won’t make you a better comedian. It’ll make you think other people must think you’re working hard…does that do something for you? Well, it’s stupid and not anything to work towards. I guess the rule here is never forget that comedy is fun. No one asked you to do this. You don’t ever have to do comedy against your will. If it’s grueling, quit. For real, if what keeps you going is career accomplishments, or how cool you think you’ll look to Jimmy and Janey Applesauce: quit now. The Applesauces are worried about their own Applesauce bullshit. Also, one sure fire way to not do well is to not have fun. So have fun. It’s fun.

2.) Keep it simple. A common mistake many comics make is to try and weave some complicated tapestry that ventures way out the margins and “all comes together” at the end. I put quotes around “all comes together” because it doesn’t. And if it did, there’s no benefit to that. No audience will appreciate how aimlessly yonder bound your bit got in the middle. People, en mass, are kinda dumb (sorry people). It is true though that when people become part of a crowd, they are less discerning in their listening and more so become part of a single organism: the crowd. Do one joke, then the next joke, then the next joke. Keep doing this and don’t complicate it. It is simple (not easy). The more clearly and concisely you get your premise across, the better. Don’t add filler, identify it and cut it. Make yourself easy to listen to, and make sure everything you say is crucial to the joke. The effect of super concise jokes over time equals more than the sum of their parts. Trust me, or don’t. Moving on.

3.) Don’t be a dick to other comics. These are your peers, asshole. You don’t have to respect everybody, but treat everyone with respect. Only talk shit in a very tight circle of homies really late at night. Do not try to big dawg people and act like you having put more time into comedy buys you bully points. That’s gonna backfire real fast when the inevitably funnier comic who started way more recent than you bullies back and you can’t say a damn thing. Don’t be a dick. Don’t do it. Why ya wanna be a dick anyway? Be as cool as possible; especially to newer comics that are openly excited about things you forgot meant something to you once upon a time. Catch some of their comedy placenta goo and rub it in. That’s that pure shit. Being jaded is for fucking losers.

4. Don’t run the light. People often go way over time trying to get one decent laugh to dismount from a laughless set. Why?! Get outta there! It’s a wash. A gymnast doesn’t stumble around on the balance beam, arms flailing, racking their nuts, and then nail a dismount to save the routine. No, they blew it already, and imagining that is way funnier than your dismount joke taking you way into overtime. Also, the light is a light so that no one has to hear about it. Do not announce that you’re getting the light. It’s not clever or subversive in some way. It’s just unprofessional.

5. It is always a good time to be professional. I understand the temptation at an all comic open mic to be the kid at the back of the class giving the least fucks. I laugh at that person too and appreciate them, but I don’t ever wanna be them. It takes no balls to not give a shit. No skill. There is a different sort of satisfaction to go up 10th at a shitty open mic where everyone is throwing it and tryin to cool guy riff, and you just work out material like you give a shit and make the whole room feel dumb. That feeling is palpable, and it’s a different kind of killing. It’s what ya want, trust me. Or don’t trust me AGAIN. My point is, why do this thing just to not really be doing it in the face of it being hard? If it were easy, everyone would be great, but everyone isn’t. Very few are great, and when you see them you know. It takes time and serious effort and tinkering to get really good, but it’s the best tbh. Comedy is only more fun to me with almost 16 years under my belt. I don’t get that excited when I do well enough to find no fuck ups; I feel content. It’s better than feeling stoked because I know it’s not outside the norm. That’s that shit IMO.

Anyway, that’s all. Just bloggin around. Toodles.

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