𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐁𝐀𝐒𝐄𝐃 𝐎𝐍: 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑺𝑬𝑬𝑴 𝑷𝑹𝑬𝑻𝑻𝒀 𝑺𝑨𝑫 𝑭𝑶𝑹 𝑨 𝑮𝑰𝑹𝑳 𝑺𝑶 𝑰𝑵 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 !
( part 1 / part 2 )
all i want is to know undoubtedly, that you only have eyes for me.
you know i could never leave.
all that i want is to sit here silently and watch movies on tv.
what a shame you're not here to witness my devotion.
so i'm patient, you're learning, pretend it's not hurting.
so, i'm cool and forgiving, i'll take what you're giving.
i'm a penny in a fountation just waiting for my luck to change.
they say it’s a virtue to not let good love slip away.
nothing’s quite enough when i know that to get it, i begged.
i have this thought when i lay in bed at night that i feel trapped inside my life.
is that a normal thing to fight back? the ways of a static lover’s dread?
i cling, cling to hope like snow on mountains.
it's a little hard to stomach all your amateur moves.
you know he's with me, like obviously.
you linger in the air like bad perfume.
it's getting to me, embarrassingly.
here's the part where the girl gets pissed.
don't go where you don't belong.
you keep calling, but you never get the message.
man, i wonder what you think is gonna go down.
you send him another poem and think that he'll let me go.
or maybe you're just trying to get me riled up now.
you're posting another pic in clothes that i know are his.
think i can't make out how hard you hang on?
well, here's a map of the lines i drew. and some girl steps over and the girl is you.
so, where'd you get that confidence from?
last that i checked, i won.
let me be direct: just stop.
you're being fucking weird.
maybe i'm a petty bitch, but you made me resort to this.
it's funny when your mom shows pictures of you in your school clothes.
it's crazy how i used to visit your town like a tourist.
i melt with you, your red and my blue.
we fight over who i'm hanging out with like a real couple.
i had big dreams 'til i tied myself to you.
it's a small world when it can only revolve around us two.
are we so in love? are we too attached?
melt with you 'till it just feels sad.
i thought i'd done enough, but they keep moving the line.
but my head is full of poison and my heart is full of doubt.
all the nights i spent fighting bad thoughts in my room.
feeling so alone, might as well be on the moon.
i thought i found the antidote with you.
it feels like medication, and it's good for me, i'm sure.
but it don't matter how your love feels anymore.
tally up the girls that he fucked 'til i start to cry.
why can't you come stitch me up?
why can't it ever be enough?
can't describe this feeling i've got in my head.
i'm just searching up my symptoms desperate to fix 'em.
'cause lately i've been spiraling.
i'm not feeling like myself and nothing ever seems to help.
went to the doctor and she said i was fine.
but every movie that i see makes me cry.
i should talk to a friend, but i can't get out of bed.
my head is spinning and my stomach is sick.
say i'm in love, so it's hard to admit i can't eat, i can't sleep.
i think you're what's wrong with me.
i keep looking for distractions.
hope this feeling passes.
i've got to say it's getting harder every day.
head just keeps pounding with the simple thought; what if this isn't what i want?
let's just go to bed or something.
maybe it'll fix itself tomorrow, but i've been saying that like every night.
you say you can't stand to watch me cry a minute more.
so you do the noble thing and open up the door.
if loving me means letting go and wishing me the best, then i guess i wish you loved me less.
our trip up to big sur only confirmed this isn't what it should feel like.
maybe i'm a stubborn overthinker, but i've been thinking over this a lot.
i could try convincing you they're just intrusive thoughts.
but you've seen me truly happy, so you know right now i'm not.
if loving me means saying, "babe, i think this is the end", i guess i wish you loved me less.
i met him at a party, i think he was on drugs.
he wasn't smart or funny, i convinced myself he was.
i thought that he was perfect, and now his number's blocked.
took a couple months, but now i'm secure.
now i ask for more and more.
i won't settle for a guy with a fake job.
he seems so desperate for loving, but, baby, i'm not.
gave my heart with zero stipulations, now i take careful consideration.
i'm not kissing any boy that is passive.
their indecision is painfully unattractive.
past mistakes are just new information.
these days, i've got expectations.
i hit the new year like a single girl at a vegas bar.
rocking my mini dress with a vodka cran' and an open heart.
i've got hope, i've got drive, i will not lose my faith.
don't think my future husband's at this bar in silver lake.
but in a couple months, a man will be procured.
the cigarette smoke is a smell that i know.
i regret you and how long i stayed.
i resent you for not being brave.
tell me something honest so the memories turn dark.
you said that i made loving look easy 'till i made it hard.
give me back my time and i will give you back your heart.
i thought that we played the perfect couple 'til you didn't want the part.
some nights can be so fucking lonely.
but it's better than begging for you to stand up for me, honeybee.
i resent you for taking her side.
you'll be miles away tomorrow.
you will never know my sorrow.