어둠을 밝힌 촛불 @orchidsstudies - Tumblr Blog

thank you & bye!🔆

My dear followers,

Thank you for following me for more than 2 years! However, I’ve decided to delete this blog. Unfortunately, I’ve got plenty of reasons to do so.

I’m very very sad to say so but the studyblr community turned out to be very toxic to me:

I couldn’t solve a dilemma between studying hard and studying aesthetically. The blogs I’ve been following always posted a lot of(!) esthetical(!!) notes. Well, I’ve been studying very hard but not aesthetically so I had nothing to post.

I didn’t find what I was looking for - a feedback. “Motivational” and “supportive” posts made everything worse because they didn’t work AT ALL. I felt very lonely. I tried to solve this problem with following this scheme: to post some nice stuff cuz it gets more notes than not pretty one -> to get more followers -> to get a feedback. The only reason why I wanted to have followers (around 1,000-2,000) was a chance to get the feedback -> to communicate -> to find new friends around the world. Beautiful blogs are popular -> usually too overwhelmed with messages and asks so it’s more difficult to be friends with them. Unfortunately, I’m a human being who also pays attention mostly on smth nice.

Why didn’t I just do my best to promote myself in order to attract others? Well, you need a lot to make lovely photos. My whole life I’ve been sharing my room with my mom, we don’t have a lot of money. As a result, I can’t take nice photos in my room cuz everything is ugly and old. Cafes? I live in a small town near Moscow, we don’t have such places. Take photos in Moscow cafes? Can you imagine how much does it cost to go there?.. Not once but regularly.

Stationery is so expensive. Thanks God, I was in Korea and bought many cheap things which in my country are extremely expensive. But I was shocked how much MUJI costs even in Korea which is not far away from Japan. When I returned home and tried to find smth minimalistic & aesthetic and not become a bankrupt, I failed. I have to admit that ZEBRA Mildliner was the best thing I’ve bought so far but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to buy it in Moscow and not become poor.

I’ve read so many posts here that my self-esteem has dropped dramatically. There was no single advice which actually helped me. People reblog these posts with advice and add, how it helped them. I was surrounded by students who always get A/A+, have nice stationery, go to cafe every day and have some private life outside of tumblr. Moreover, they have access to materials which are provided by professors, have an opportunity to do stuff in advance. At my uni every day was a surprise. There was nothing provided in order to do stuff in advance. Professors gave us 3 pages to translate + to learn one of them by heart and you had only one day to that. Even less than one day cuz you also had classes. Maybe a few hours before going to sleep at 12. And it was only one discipline. Every day.

I’ll delete this blog later because I wanna download some useful things. But it will be deleted. This is my last post here. Bye!

If someone is interested, I’ve made a new multifandom blog -> @onlynorthernlights. I’ll be glad to see you there!

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