Oratorasaurus

Dr. Elizabeth Bates from the University of Cumbria and colleagues from the University of Central Lancashire, conducted a survey collecting data from a large cohort of students. More than 1,000 students — 706 women and 398 men with an average age of 24 — responded to the questionnaires. The students were asked about their physical aggression and controlling behavior to partners, and to same-sex others, including friends.

The findings revealed just as many women as men could also be classed as abusive, coupled with controlling behavior with serious levels of threats, intimidation, and physical violence. Women were more likely to verbally and physically aggressive to their partners than men.

 “This study found that women demonstrated a desire to control their partners and were more likely to use physical aggression than men.” 

“It wasn’t just pushing and shoving,” said Bates, Medical Xpress reported. 

Back when I was in college, I was out at a bar I was a regular at. An acquaintance from work happened to be there as well, I had a few drinks before she had shown up and was a little tipsy to begin with. She and I started chatting and she ended up buying drinks. After the first round, she kept buying me more and more alcohol. I barely noticed the fact that she was nursing the same drink for a while. Since I was having such a good time chatting with everyone at the bar, I had got WAY drunker than was safe and did my best to say my goodbyes to everyone with the intent of going home. After this is when things start blacking out and getting choppy. I remember her saying she would drive me home and other people saying it was a good idea. I remember being confused why it was taking so long to get to my house. I remember being REALLY confused why my room looked totally different and why my work acquaintance was taking off her clothes. I don’t remember a condom and I don’t remember her stopping when I told her ‘no, stop’. When I woke up, and pieced together what happened, I didn’t know what the fuck at all to do. But, after a long walk from her dorm room back to my house, I was pretty sure it was rape. I was a feminist at the time, and was told over and over how a drunk person can’t consent, and how no means no. I was told the EXACT SAME scenario was rape if the genders were flipped. But everyone I went to didn’t feel the same. I didn’t go to the police, it was hard enough having to go through it with everyone else, only to be accused of 'being gay. Get that? Feminists told me 'you must be gay’ when I told them I was pretty sure I was raped the night before.

[name omitted]

A few times I’ve actually been confonted because I was acting like a big brother to kids in the or family gatherings I’ve gone to. The churches are, like most churches, majority women. Many of them choice mommies with sons. It’s often that a mother will try to get me involved with her daughter of marrying age somehow, or with her young children that need a father figure. After all, I’m totally awesome. I’m, handsome for my weight (and looking better as I drop it), physical but not so rough as to injure, and I help out any time I see a need. But then I and annother parent or so are taking the kids hiking, because all the other adults are busy or to tired in the heat. Or one of the kids needs help with something… and if I’m out of view with the kids too long, even if I made extra sure that the parents knew what was going on, and they were down with it… Some of the women start getting… uncomfortable. And talk happens. And then the pastor or an older male relative talks to me about how, despite all the precautions I’m taking, that I shouldn’t have to take in the first place, people are getting uncomfortable. And “can you see why they would be?” Of course the fact that I’m openly declared to be celibate has no impact on that at all. x.x After all, if you have enough physical self control not to need sex, you MUST be a paedofile. Or it’s phrased as a concern for my own safety due to accusations… which I get. But by bowing to that pressure, and making it seem even remotely acceptable… that’s just feeding into it more. Ug.

[name omitted]

When I was 7, my grandfather started talking me to Canada every year for fishing trips. Every summer, we’d go and it was never a problem. We stayed for a week and came home. We were pulling a boat, van loaded with fishing gear. When I was 14 or 15, we got held up at customs for 6 hours. This lady had just taken over the head of the customs office if that’s what you call it. I could tell that the guys working under her just cringed at everything she said. She stopped us because she thought my grandfather was a pedophile. I didn’t realize this back then, but this story brought back memories and now I understand what was happening. She wanted a note from my mother, something I didn’t need to have in order to go to Canada. She wanted to talk to my mom, who was working and this was before cellphones. We had to stay there for 6 hours til my mom got out of work. She didn’t want to talk to my dad, even tho my parents were married (wasn’t like only 1 had custody.) At one point she asked my grandfather if he had a history of mental problems. He of course replies no. She said, “do you have any proof of that?” My grandfather was always pretty sarcastic and he said something back to her like, “What? Are you serious? Yeah, sure, I have papers in my car from the insane asylum saying I’m just perfectly fine now.” I mean how stupid of a question is that?

[name omitted]

had an abusive girlfriend when I was in college, and she didn’t really care if other people saw her do it. Then, a while after we broke up, I suddenly realized that for the first time in months I didn’t have a single bruise on me, and said so out loud. I was with some friends, and one of them, a girl, acted out of character for her and punched me on the arm to give me a bruise.

[name omitted]

had a girlfriend threaten to call my probation officer and tell them I hit her because she didnt like that I spoke up about her buying the minors she worked with alcohol.

[name omitted]

I had a girl bully me when I was a kid. Not a single adult believed me.

[name omitted]

Throughout high school I played rugby, some tackles look A LOT worse than they are. I happened to make one and I found out afterwards that the opponent (who shook hands with me after the game and told me “excellent tackle”) had a girlfriend who was horrified I might have killed her boyfriend. Long story short, I leave to go to my car, get hit from behind, turn around to see a banshee. Tried to report her but no witnesses and basically got told nothing could be done.

[name omitted]

I started weight training seriously last year, and due to muscular gains some people think that they are allowed to touch any part of my body they deem appropriate. I was at a party my house was throwing that night I was felt up by various women. Talked to feminist friend of mine about the experience, and when I mentioned one of friends had touched me this way and she simply laughed it off.

[name omitted]

I was out with a bunch of coworkers at a bar, and one of the girls was a very bad drunk. She’d get trashed, embarrass herself, and then get upset about it for days. So, I noticed that she was drinking pretty quick, and told her she should pace herself. She then went around and told everyone I called her fat and got the white knight brigade together.

[name omitted]

well first off ages may be a bit off since i was going through some really rough time back then but ill try to be as accurate as possible. so first time around 7-8 i think, two older girls who hung out in the same group of friends took me to their room tied me to a four post bed and started me on the path to never trusting women again. i told them to stop and to let me go and the more i begged the more they got into it, gentle was not something they were familiar with. finally at the end they told me to keep this a secret because if i told anyone they would never believe me pointing to a bunch of trophies and photos from their catholic schools for girls. they were right, i told my mom and she laughed and when i persisted she told me to tell my teacher, my teacher didn’t believe me and told me to tell the nurse. the nurse in turn told me to tell my mom because well girls wouldn’t do that. went back to mom finally she goes to their house and comes back doesn’t tell me anything but she must have went there because i run in to those two girls again and they say i told you no one would believe you. next up a few years later my mom decides that being a mom is too much trouble after my dad died so she walks out, just gets the monthly checks from welfare and social security and walk away from her kids (3 kids 10,12,14) now here is what makes me mad, my siblings leave to live with friends and i am alone at 10. i go to school and the teacher sees me dressed like a hobo and sends me to the nurse so they can contact someone to get me. all the phone numbers are disconnected but they refuse to call the police or child services because and i quote the the nurse and teacher here we don’t know what his mom is going through so don’t get call anyone and get her in trouble, they wait till the end of the day and toss my ass on the street so they don’t get my mom in any trouble. so same deal for years teachers and nurses see me go from school to school and no one will say shit even when i’m asking for help because they never want to get my mom in trouble. shit even social services wouldn’t do anything to help me if it meant my mom would lose money they would just ignore how my mom was in jail and the only time social services would see me was when mom wanted to get welfare again. its like hmm you seem to only have custody of your kid when you want money but at all other times he’s missing from school and no one can explain it. well better give you more money! many times in schools i would go to girls would kick me in the nuts or punch me in the face in fucking class and the teacher wouldn’t do a goddamn thing, they would just tell the girl to sit down. i mean you could hear some girls daring one girl to punch someone in class and they would all laugh when the girl would do it. when i complained i was told to sit down wtf i know i’m new here but wow girls got away with things right in front of teachers and would never be punished. i can take a punch but why should i have to. now at this point i just turned 13 and my sister is pregnant, she decides to have the baby but she cant deal with taking care of a baby. now it’s just the two of us with our mom walking in and out of our lives just to collect checks, i wake up one day shortly after the baby is born and my sister is screaming at the top of her lungs at the baby to shut the fuck up. so i walk in take the baby from her and feed him, he falls to sleep and he stays with me for the night. unfortunately for me my sister noticed how easy i can deal with the baby so she pretty much keeps me at home for the next two fucking years, she talks about how we are a team and we need to stay together then leaves to party with her friends after work the first chance she gets. i go from taking care of my nephew for a few hours a day to weeks then months. my sister changed me from school to school to keep me on vacation the when she cant she just ignores the calls. i slip out every week to go to school and barter some sandwiches from other kids so i can stuff to eat. my sister at the time bought food for herself and baby formula but hated that i was eating her food. with no clocks on the walls and only a couch in that empty 2 bedroom apartment i stayed alone night after night losing my mind slowly. when i begged my sister for help she would scream at me for a few minutes, when i asked for help at school i was ignored because women wouldn’t do something like that so i must be lying. so i just kept taking care of my new born nephew and just passing out from hunger or sleep deprivation day after day then i would eat some of her food and get yelled at. yup then i came up with this ingenious plan sneak away to school eat breakfast and at lunch trade my dessert for a pack of starburst then break that in half and trade those half for sandwiches. leave school at lunch get home sleep for a few hours till my sister got home, get yelled at for going to school and making her take my nephew to a baby sitter. rinse and repeat next week. ok finally hit 18 get a job and the first fucking job i have every leadership position with the exception of the warehouse manger is filled with women. i’ve had female managers rub their breast and body on me then threatened me if i reciprocated in any way so i just had to take it without doing anything. when i complained i was laughed at by the female HR then warned about sexual harassment like i was the one who initiated it. female sales reps would talk about what i would do to them while fondling me, they would talk about how i would rape them if i could or do other things, i was slapped by one rep who went on about rape and how dirty i was for thinking about those things… i was 18 just starting at this job, all i wanted to do is my work and with my past i wanted nothing to do with the female gender but fucking hell women wouldn’t leave me alone. the more i ignored and got away from them the more they would harass me. i had the purchasing manager make me sit down then she sat on my lap, she then talked about what she thought i wanted to do to her. she then grabbed my head and shoved it in her cleavage. after a few seconds she got up slapped me and walked away….god i hated that job. i just don’t understand why so many women got off on slapping me, i’m a big guy and can take punches but slapping me just heart since i couldn’t do a damn thing about it. lucky for me the next two long term jobs i had would place me in a different warehouse from where the women worked, working in a warehouse with no air conditioning is a small price to pay for peace and quiet. so in closing women can do no wrong and their word is the gold standard of truth justice and the female way BECAUSE WOMEN NEVER LIE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES IN ANY WAY THEIR VAGAINAS PREVENT THEM FROM LYING….or at least thats the way if feels like in life and people wonder why i’ve never had a girlfriend…

[name omitted]

A few years ago I knew this girl from work and we used to platonically go to parties together with a few other friends. She was ok but when she got drunk she would become insane. One night she asked me to hold her keys for her so she couldn’t drive after getting drunk, she then proceeded to get smashed. A couple of hours later I was trying to get lucky and she barged in wanting her keys back, I refused. She kept asking, getting more and more aggressive, and I kept refusing, telling her that she was in no condition to drive and she had asked me to hold her keys for exactly this reason. Her aggression became physical and she started smacking me around the head and yelling that I’d stolen her keys and that I was an asshole. I didn’t want to be responsible for her killing someone so I threw her keys off the balcony and told her to go get them if she wanted them so badly. She tried to kick me in the balls and she ended up planting a haymaker on my face which gave me a split lip. That pissed me off and I shoved her backwards, she screamed “what the fuck” upon which 3 guys came and pulled me away and told me to cool down. During her 5 minute long escalating tirade nobody helped me and it was only when I became physical with her that people intervened. It was almost like they were waiting for me to do something upon which it would be acceptable to shut the situation down. The next day she apologized and I showed her my lip and told her I wasn’t going to any more parties with her. I’ve been in fights with other guys before and the dynamic is totally different. Men don’t have this arrogance that they can do anything to you and not get hit, their posture is more defensive. When a woman harasses a guy she’s clumsy, she flails her arms around and leaves herself open because she’s not expecting retaliation.

[name omitted]

My first girlfriend (we were both sixteen) used to kick me in the balls whenever I least expected it. I’m talking at least a couple of times a day. It didn’t matter where we were or what we were doing, but every time I keeled over in agony, the stupid bitch laughed. All of her (female) friends thought it was fucking hilarious. I don’t know why, but I stayed with that whore for over a year. I guess I thought I could get her to change her behaviour and stop doing it. Which I did, after having a huge argument with her. Unfortunately, it was only temporary. In the end, I just left without saying goodbye. I did not give a fuck. I moved states a few days later (my mother got remarried) and cut all contact with her. Sure, it was a dick move on my part, but she fucking deserved it. For the next two weeks, I was flooded with hundreds of texts and missed calls all saying that she wanted me back and that she’ll never do it again etc. The range of emotions she would go through each day was insane. First she would be all apologetic, only to turn around and instantly blame me for everything. I never once made contact with her. It was hilarious.

[name omitted]

The mother of my son got really drunk one night, came to my mothers, smashed my surround sound system in the driveway, and punched me in the eye amongst other blows. I called the cops, and they took a complaint. The officer was actually pretty nice and told me how to file for a restraining order and potentially press charges. However, once I went to see a magistrate about both of those, I was basically told to leave.

[name omitted]

I have lost a whole circle of friends, because my ex-fiancee sexually assaulted me. When I told my friends, most of them shrugged it off, a few teased me for being upset. A few months later, a girl in the group drunkenly came onto me at a party. After refusing her a few times, I finally yelled at her to leave me alone and to get off of me. Apparently people did not take well to this sort of behavior. I was informed I was no longer welcome at social events, because I had made a few of the women uncomfortable. TL:DR: Got sexually assaulted, nobody understood and simply removed me from the group.

[name omitted]

I was about 14 at a concert with my friend when two women showed up ( 30-40 years), they started talking us up how they can buy us anything we wanted including alcohol and cigarettes as long as we go with them, we just laughed and said no. So one of them just grabs me by the arm and starts dragging me, the other one is moving in to help her out, this happened in a crowded place with hundreds of people seeing us, eventually my friend moves in kicks her in the knee, she lets go and we run to backstage past security(my dads a cable technician working there so he hooked us up with tickets and passes), we spent the rest of the time backstage we never talked about it pretending it never happened.

[name omitted]

A false rape accusation is absolute hell. I went through one as a result of her needing to justify cheating with one of my then best friends. Although it eventually emerged that she was both a cheat and an outright liar, the looks I got from some people in the meantime are what I will never forget. It takes an especially shitty kind of person to sink that low just to save face.

[name omitted]

I was involved in a custody battle where my ex tried to say rough sex was rape and there is nothing scarier than having an old southern judge look at you like the bad guy and shes the innocent girl. Luckily the D.A. knew she was bat shit insane but it was heart dropping sitting in court and hearing that.

[name omitted]

I was in a relationship. An older female “friend” found me drunk in the city. Both her and her (also female) designated driver accomplice offered to take me straight home to sober up. Before I knew it, they had taken me instead to their apartment to “give me a drink of coke to help sober up.” Coke they laughed about later had been added with vodka, because they “wanted to keep the party going”. The other friend then construed an excuse to leave me alone in their apartment with her for a few hours. (They had actually planned all this when they found me) This “friend” said that I should leave my current girlfriend, I said I was flattered but really no thankyou I am just happy being friends. She then tried to show me “what I was missing” by groping me and trying to take my clothes off, grabbing my dick etc. I was only about 20 at the time (she was 31, her friend 34), and not the large, confident and strapping man I am today and she managed to do some things to me that I was pretty horrified about at the time. She was really forceful with what she did, and being the otherwise gentle person I am, I didn’t have the temperament or manner in which to slap, strike, hit or get physically aggressive with a woman. (fuck, you know it has been over ten years and I still get choked up and feel humiliated just trying to explain this. Will I ever be able to explain it? What do you do in a situation so far out of your familiar comfort zone? Goddamit, woman, what did you do to me?) I begged to be taken home like they promised, she said “no” I should just “stay the night to see what happens,” and flat out refused to ask her friend back to give me a lift. I had to basically escape the apartment building (one of those locked places with goddamned keypads everywhere) and try calling a taxi to take me home (I literally had no idea where they had taken me; I had to walk to the nearest intersection to give the taxi directions.) It wasn’t until a couple of very confusing and distressing days later that I came to the realisation that I had literally been preyed upon in a manner that, if it had been a gender-reversal, they would probably have been facing charges. The deception of offering me a lift, planning to leave me alone with a person keen on sexually assaulting me, plying me with more alcohol by deception, the premeditated decision, the groping after being asked not to be touched etc etc… aargh. I have never spoken to anyone about it, or how it has affected me. Never spoke to either of those people again either, despite their attempts to apologise in person (and later to “just forget it and be a man”), and justify their actions. I just couldn’t talk to them without feeling like my shame would bring me to unmanly tears, and that it would be a further humiliation in an already foreign situation. At that age/time, my friends would have told me to just go for it, that it should be an honour for a chick to want to have sex with me that badly, etc etc. In retrospect, keeping quiet was the worst thing I could have done. Sometimes when I find myself thinking about it, I just want to be sick. I had a hard time dealing with it, I even ended up sabotaging my relationship with the girl I was with at the time, because I felt I had cheated despite the facts of the situation, that I felt/still feel like a helpless stupid unmanly schmuck for being in that situation in the first place. Even writing this now is awkward, messy and embarrassing.

[name omitted]

Both of my uncles were sexually assaulted by my mom’s best friend in high school. Here’s what I know of the story (all names changed): Mom’s friend, Peggy (age 18), was staying the night at my mom’s family’s house. After my mom went to sleep, Peggy stayed up and wandered into my mom’s younger brother Kurtis’s room. Kurtis was still awake, doing whatever. Peggy began to make moves on him, rubbing him all over and trying to climb on top of him. He was only 15. He said no, and she told him that if he didn’t do what she wanted him to do, he would accuse him of raping her. He tried to protest and she hit him. She undressed him and he kept trying to talk her out of it. She kept telling him to shut up, that she would cry rape. She raped him. She kept threatening him not to tell anyone. She eventually did this to my mom’s 13-year-old brother, too. They both realized that she did that to both of them a few weeks later. When they told my mom, she was livid and immediately cut off all contact with Peggy and the rest of her old group of friends for thinking what Peggy did was okay. Peggy’s excuse was, “Well, they would be deflowered soon anyways, they’re attractive guys.” Both sons ended up in counseling, and my grandmother was too poor to afford the legal services to take it to court (the police officers basically laughed at the guys and told them that they were lucky). I know one of them had a really hard time being intimate with women for a really long time. They both ended up getting into hard drugs, but whether that was a product of the era/culture of the city they lived in or as a result is not known to me. Basically, Peggy was a despicable person and I really hope that she’s changed. My mom still refuses to talk to her, over 30 years later. Both of my uncles are doing pretty great now, the older one is married and has a 17-year-old daughter, the younger is married with three kids under 12. Both have jobs that they love (“Kurtis” is a carpenter, the younger one is in corporate management). They still live near the area they grew up in, as do my mom and their not-mentioned sister, so I see them a few times a year when I visit home. They both were in counseling for years, and were both at various points in AA and/or Al-Anon. I cannot imagine doing what she did to a child, it sickens me. I mean, all sexual assault and rape sickens me, rightly so. But when it’s towards a child, that’s even worse.

[name omitted]

My ex was raped and would talk to me often about the aftermath. He said the hardest part was that almost all of the support groups, literature, and movies about rape are directed towards male on female rape. This made him feel even more emasculated. He never told any of his male friends because of the attitude some people hold that men cannot be overpowered, and that if you refuse sex you are “gay”. When male friends of his found out, they thought the situation was funny and my ex had zero support or sympathy from them. And these guys are considered decent people by regular standards. And i wont even begin to talk about the treatment he received from police when he came forward. He was not taken seriously at all.

[name omitted]

I was in university, in a co-ed dorm. I spent a lot of time with this girl who lived on my floor, we were great friends. Lets call her “peach One day this random girl (lets call her "wario”) started hanging out with us all the time. Wherever we’d go, she was there. She befriended peach so that any time i wanted to hang out with peach, wario would be there. She lived on the all-girls floor right above ours so it wasnt alll too perculiar at the time. She’d flirt with me here or there, try to hang out more and more but I was ambivalent. Anyhow I come home quite drunk late one night. on my way to my room I notice a party going on in a friend’s and as I walk past, Wario pulls me in all excitedly. I sit down and she hands me a drink. Keeps telling em to drink up. I’m quite drunk and tired and I just want to go sleep so I have a sip or two and politely duck out, proceeding back to my room. Back in my room I just sit down at my PC to check my email and unwind a little before bed. still pretty drunk. I guess I didn’t lock my door behind me. I see a hand reach from behidn me and put a cup down on my desk. Its wario saying “You forgot this” (or something to that effect) and she sits down on the chair beside me with her own drink. I’m just making polite conversation at this point. not into her but its not like i hate her so whats a little conversation, right? over the course of this talk I guess I finish my drink. I’m really tired now though, I can feel that I’m about to fall right asleep so I tell her its late and I’m going to bed. She says ok and just sits there. (things get hazy here … ) From here on I jut remember moments. I remember being at my door trying to get her to leave but I’m really tired and weak, passing out I guess so not really effectual. I remember being down on the bed with her taking off my clothes. I remember her being on top of me and holding me down - I’m trying to push her away but its like I’m a baby swatting at a mobile …. not exactly forceful. I clearly remember slurring out “No [Wario]”, “Whats going on?”, and “I dont want this” I remember she was rough. Next thing I know I’m waking up alone, in my room, and its late the next afternoon, and I’m VERY disoriented. After some time trying to come to terms with it I tried telling a couple of people close to me. This wasn’t received very well. Basically I wasn’t believed at all. One issue was that this girl was very very physically attractive - the girl that all the guys wanted. So the response was basically “You wish, you should be so lucky” sort of thing. i wasn’t able to confront the girl either. She just kept acting he same after a she did before. Tried to make a move on me a couple of times since then too. I couldn’t stop her. She made an comment threatening ME with rape allegations too. So I was scared. All I could do was avoid her as much as possible (living in the same building with overlapping friends!)

[name omitted]

I am a male, and I was sexually assaulted by a woman. This is very difficult for me to write and I’ve never told this story to anyone so I hope I keep it together long enough to get it out. I’m a big, fit guy which makes what happend even more humiliating for me. I was in my late twenties at the time and had been out on a couple of dates with a woman. She was a probation officer for a local police department working specifically with sexual offenders which is why I never reported what happened. I have a history of very bad relationships and I made it clear to her that I wanted things to move slowly. I didn’t want to jump into bed and she was aware of that. That night we had gone to a play and afterward went back to her place. It was our third date. We started kissing a bit, which we had done before, but we had never moved beyond that. As we were kissing, she pushed me back against a wall, knelt in front of me and undid my pants. I wasn’t sure that I wanted her to do what she clearly intended to do but I didn’t stop her. At this point I didn’t say anything. She started performing oral sex on me and I immediately knew that I wanted her to stop. I told her to stop and she pretended not to hear me. I said it again, more forcefully and she looked up at me and said “Shut the fuck up, I’m getting what I want tonight.”. I’ll never forget that part. Ever. She started the oral again and I told her to stop again, but I didn’t want to get violent with her. She was a probation officer and I wasn’t sure what would happen. When I told her to stop a fourth time, she decided that that would be right time to shove two of her fingers into my anus. I froze and she continued raping me anally with her fingers. After a few seconds, the initial shock wore off and I regained some of my composure. I grabbed her head and pulled her back, then pushed her hard away from me. I pulled up my pants and ran out of her house. I got home and cried. I cried for days. I was, and still am ashamed of what had happened to me. I’m a man. I should have been able to stop her. I shouldn’t have her take down my pants. I know it was my fault on some level. She emailed me a few days later from her official work email address (which she had never done before) with a description of what a nice night we had spent together. My guess is that she wanted some kind of evidence that I was making it up if I reported anything. I never did. I just tried to forget about how she had completely and totally violated me. It took a very long time, but I’m finally in a happy, committed relationship with a wonderful woman. We’ve been together for two years. I’ll never tell her what happened to me and she’ll never know how she helped me start get over it. She’s kind, gentle and patient and I love her more than she will ever know.

[name omitted]

Mine happened when I was 14 years old and taking salsa lessons with people of all ages. There were a lot of older women who were in the class and I thought it would be a good experience to take part in dancing with the more experienced ones too. I was an extremely shy kid but I loved dancing so whenever they would flirt with me, I’d just blush, say thanks and keep dancing. One day, a 37 year old married woman in the class asked me if I wanted to help her with the steps that we had learned that day. She said she’d make me dinner and drop me home later so my parents wouldn’t have to worry. After class, we drove back to her place and she asked me if I wanted to try some alcohol. I was a 14 year old and stoked off of this so I said sure and got shitfaced. She told me that I could go sleep it off in her bed because I did not want to go home and face my parents in that state. A few hours later (around 3 pm), I woke up and I was being groped and being given oral by her. I told her to stop but she just bit my neck and told me that “this is going to feel great, just relax”. when i told her that I wasn’t sure about this and that I wanted to go home, she didn’t stop and just pinned my hands (She was very very strong due to dancing for more than 3 decades). I was then raped with my hands held over my head and her bouncing up and down on my penis. Afterwards, I just cried while she dropped me home. Went home, took a shower and have never told anyone about this till now. Not to make light of the situation but involuntarily, I am now attracted to much older women. I have a healthy sexual life and great people all around me. The immediate aftermath happened with me not having sex or shuddering even by thinking about it until I was 16, when I had my first girlfriend who ended up cheating on me (another story). Ultimately, I have now given up on trusting women even though I know that most of you are beautiful, amazing people but I just can’t bring myself to do that ever again.

[name omitted]

I was almost date-raped by my roommate when I was unconscious after drinking too much one night. She forced herself into my bedroom. My other roommate stopped her. I’m very glad it didn’t happen. Honestly, if I were sober enough to make the decision? I’d probably have sex with her. I don’t know what it would have done to my psyche if she managed to do it, but the fact that I had no control of the situation would NOT have been okay.

[name omitted]

My boyfriend was raised ultra conservative. He was 100% never planning on having sex until marriage, but when he was 17 his first girlfriend forced herself onto him. He still has nightmares and flashbacks about it. There have been multiple times that he’s told people about it and they’ve either said “Seriously bro? When I was 17 I would’ve killed for a girl to take charge.”, “Admit it, you wanted it” or “Guys can’t get raped”. As a rape victim myself I try to help, but there is only so much you can do. It kills me to see how some people react to this sort of thing

[name omitted]

I don’t like thinking of it as rape because I have always defined rape as a violent offense in my mind, but when discussed on these terms (alcohol, not knowing what to do or how to escape), you could say that that is what happened to me.

[name omitted]

I was a frequent weight lifter in high school and very vividly remember our schools star female basketball player. She would hang around the gym after school and do lots of squats and general “gluteus maximus” workouts. She was infamous for her great ass and my best friend/spotter would ask me every single day if I would 'hit it’? Her body was great but her face was less than average and I would always respond that I would only let her give me oral. I was a very popular guy in my high school and fairly good looking (forgive me if that comes across as cocky, I also strongly disapprove of conceited individuals). One day she invited me to play basketball in our schools second gym which was normally locked after hours but she had access to because of het athletic status. Not wanting to seem like a homosexual or 'queer’ I accepted because she asked in front of my friend. We played a game of one on one and she made a wager that if she won I’d have to do what she wanted and if I won she’d do what ever I wanted. I wasn’t much of a basketball guy but beat her fairly easily despite her very aggressive attempt to beat me for her own nefarious reasons. After winning fairly quickly I told her I didn’t want anything sexual from her and thanked her for the exercise (her aggressiveness during the game was a turnoff and I instantly knew I wasn’t attracted). As I turned to leave she blocked off the door and told me to kiss her under the bleachers. There was nobody else in the gym. I kept saying no but I didn’t retaliate aggressively because it was completely against my nature to get physical with women. She kissed me but I didn’t kiss back then she went down on me. I was physically tired and didn’t have an erection. I tried pushing her off but she wouldnt let go and asked me if I was gay. I felt embarrassed and let her finish. I eventually got hard and came. She got up and tried kissing me but I turned away and immediately tried to leave. Then she black mailed me. She said she did all of this as part of her scheme to make my football teams captain jealous so he would ask her to prom. If I didn’t succeed in making him jealous she said she would tell our school staff I sexually threatened her. I felt violated, angry and sick. I left and finished my workout with my best friend and walked home. I trusted him and immediately told him everything. He was a good friend with our captain and told him everything. He was a good guy and confronted me and told me that she was a lunatic ( they had dated several years ) and that if she tried anything he would stick by my side and tell the truth. Nothing ever happened. I didn’t go to prom and my captain ended up going with the prom queen. (he was the king). I live in a small town and still constantly see her around. We don’t make eye contact and simply ignore each other. I suffered very little emotionally partly because I had great friends but I know that if I didn’t have that support this situation could have had devastating consequences. It wasn’t my first time being sexually molested by a female either so it wasnt as traumatizing. I’ve mostly convinced myself that I enjoyed the oral so it wasn’t rape and my best friend convinced me I was lucky and he wished he was in my shoes.

[name omitted]

When I was 4-6, I was molested by my baby sitter. It was a pretty regular occurrence, and it probably messed me up pretty good. I know a lot of guys always talking about “Where was she when I was growing up?”, but being that young and having a 15 year old girl sexually molest you every night, it’s not the same as being a horny teenager and hooking up with your teacher or something. I’ve never told anyone about it, even with all the therapy I’ve gone through, I’ve never once brought it up. I don’t even know how. I’m afraid that they would look down on me. Even when it was happening, it never felt right. I mean, it felt pleasurable physically, but it felt incredibly wrong. It was confusing, and it wasn’t something I wanted or ever asked for. As I’ve gotten older, it’s affected my ability to trust people, or to have relationships. I tend to avoid sex at all costs, which obviously does not make dating easy. A couple of years ago, I was at a party with some workmates, and got absolutely demolished. I’m talking three sheets to the wind. An older woman that I work with offered to let me crash on her couch, since I was in no condition to drive, so I said “ok”. Once we got to her place though, she pushed me down on the couch and got on top of me, and started kissing me. I kept saying “No, I really don’t want to do this”, but she kept shushing me. I was far too drunk, and she was much taller than me, which made it hard to fight her off. I don’t know if in her mind, she thought I was being coy, or just into rough sex or something, but she just would not stop. I kept saying “No, stop it. Let me up”, but she just kept going further. She ended up pinning me down while she raped me. When she fell asleep, I collected my clothes, and wandered out into the city and slept on a park bench after crying for 2 hours. I quit my job a week later. I couldn’t work there any more. She had told people that we had hooked up, and I just couldn’t be in an environment where someone who did that to me would act like it was consensual. I’ve talked to one person about it, not even giving all the details, and apparently she has done this kind of thing to other guys too. I know that as a guy, I’m expected to get over it. But it’s hard. It’s hard wanting to be with people, but not wanting to have sex with them, because you have a trauma attached to it. It’s hard knowing that people view me as weak because of what happened. It’s hard when I feel like damaged goods. What makes it worse, is that if I told someone that I had been raped or molested, is that they would automatically think it was by a man. Because the only person powerful enough in most people’s eyes to rape a man, is another man. I want so much for my life to be normal like other people. To be able to not feel dead inside when I am intimate with someone.

[name omitted]

In the beginning, I didn’t think much of it. We’d maybe compare penis sizes or “sword fight”. I was 6, cousin was 8. Didn’t seem all that abnormal, wasn’t sexual (at least I didn’t think of it that way), and considering that until a couple years earlier our parents would often bathe us together, it wasn’t that weird for us to see each other naked. As I got older though, and I guess his molester got a little more hands on, things progressed. I remember I became very uncomfortable when he’d always be trying to touch me, and thinking “We’ll get in trouble if anybody comes around, we shouldn’t be doing this”. My protests were never met with threats or violence, just coercion or begging until I was too irritated to continue protesting. I was uncomfortable with fondling, didn’t like it when he talked me into letting him try to give me oral (nothing happened cause I was like 8), didn’t want to reciprocate, and didn’t really want to watch him jerk off either, but on holidays if we were alone, he’d just sit there and beg me to do all this stuff that even then I knew wasn’t quite right. After he tried to sodomize me, and then when I said “no way”, had me try it on him (again to no avail, which I thank god now as it probably saved me a lot of extra therapy), I told my parents. That was only because a few days later in school we learned about AIDS and I thought I had gotten it and was going to die. Well then of course here I am in fourth grade, and suddenly I learn the meaning of the term “gay” basically defining sexual activity between two men.

[name omitted]

I came home from the bar one night during my senior year of college, bars are a very rare experience for me, and stumbled into my apartment hammered. I made my way to my room where I found a freshman girl standing naked in my room. The vibe was really wrong. I’d made out with this girl before but never had sex. She walked up to me, grabbed my neck with her nails and said “fuck me like im your little slut.” It wasn’t hot. It was terrifying. I told her that she had to leave, and that I wasn’t into this, but she only became more aggressive. I’ve never hit a woman. I would NEVER hit a woman. All I could think was, “I need to hit her, the pushing isn’t working.” I couldn’t hit her. I could. not. hit. her. she said to me “If you don’t fuck me right now, I’ll call the police and report you for raping me. They will believe me, why do you think I scratched you?” She had torn up my neck and hands with her nails. I wanted to cry. I lost my stomach, I lost all the strength I had, and I lost contact with myself completely. I started shaking. I already had an erection, you don’t have control over this. She was on top the whole time, and I just laid there. I was on top of the world at the time and she took that all away from me. I lost all self-confidence and stopped trusting people completely. I didn’t go to bars anymore and as a result I find them to be highly anxious places. The pain is mental and psychological. I didn’t do much of anything for 3 months. My grades dropped, I felt sad all the time, and I wasn’t eating. I hated myself for letting it happen, I was pissed off that someone would violate me. I reported the incident and was basically told “men can’t get raped, don’t let her back in your house.” She did not get in trouble, she did not have to have a disciplinary review by the school, it wasn’t taken seriously. This whole thing happened about in oct of 2010 and I’m just now getting my confidence back.

[name omitted]

My best friend and one of my other friends had a threesome with this girl and about 3 months later I guess word got back to her and her friends and she was embarrassed so she charged them with rape. Them and their lawyers are strongly expecting that they will come out innocent as there are a lot of obvious holes in her story and they have a very strong witness for their defense, but just the social stigma of being charged with rape is IMMENSE

[name omitted]

In middle school English class for some reason we were talking about sexual relationships between teachers and students and our teacher told us a story about a teacher she used to work with. He had given a couple of girls some bad grades, possibly failing. They got really upset and decided to tell everyone that he had sexually harassed them. It was totally false and after months of investigation and fall out for this man, they finally admitted that they had just made it all up. His life was ruined though he’d lost his job, his wife had left him and taken his daughter, and the stigma would always follow him. All because of a couple of stupid girls. She drilled it into our heads that you never even joke about someone raping/assaulting you, because it’s serious stuff and has some serious repercussions. I cannot imagine being so angry that you think it’s okay lie about something like that, it just creates the idea that women who are really being raped are just making it up for attention or whatever.

[name omitted]

My first serious girlfriend was a controlling and emptopnally abusive woman who eventually forced me to have sex with her. I was very unpopular throughout childhood, growing up in the ghetto and being nerdy and well-spoken. The other children would alwaus tease me by calling me “white-boy” and “uncle tom”. Me tolerating this abuse led to me expecting the same treatment from potential partners. When I go to highschool something changed. I began to find groups of people who would allow me to hang out with them, and evebtually I met her. Tisha was her name and she was the most lovely, most intelligent girl in my drama class. I spent months trying to woo her, spending my every dime on gifts for her. Eventually I got her attention, the first attention anyone of the opposite sex had ever given me, and I was smitten. We dated for about two years, and things were wonderful at first. We did everything together, and she would call me in the middle of the night just to say she loved me. Over time though things started to take a turn down a dark path. Nothing I did was good enough for her any longer. She would yell and curse for me eating with my mouth full. She would throw a tantrum if I got out to meet her late on lunch. She would demean me and call me names for speaking to other people in her presence. At the time I thought it was her love trying to keep me from embarrasing myself. I thought she wantesd to protect me. I thought that I actually was worthless and that she was the only person who would ever care for me. It was nighttime and I wanted to tell her. I wanted to scream and rant, and call her all the things that I had 'practiced. I wanted her to feel the pain she had caused me when I said “I don’t love you and don’t want to ever see you again.” I could not find the words though. I was so terrified of this girl that I was trembling. When the words found my lips there was silence in the room. “No.” That was all she had for me. No query for an explanation, no emotional breakdown, no plea for us to be together. She had again made the decision for me. I explained that she couldn’t bully me, which brought upon her rage. She yelled and cursed and called me names. that I am hesitant to repeat. When things calmed (and I had given up on the breakup) she brought us tea. I refused to drink. I had heard rumors of her drugging a boy and performing fellatio on him (she habitually cheated on me), but figured it was hearsay. I have no proof to this day, but I swear that my beverage was too cloudy to be normal. Then she told me. She told me that we were going to have sex right that instant in her parents’ living room so I could “prove that I still love her.” I declined, not wanting the disgusting warmth of her body near me. What I got was covered in her beverage and the cup thrown at me. I don’t like going into detail of the actual event, but she straddled me, and in my mind her legs were like chains keeping me on the couch. Her stare like a dagger at my throat daring me to resist with a taunting smile. It was the single most horrifying experience I’ve ever had, and I wish I could convey the pain the anguish to my friends who would find the story funny. I still haven’t gotten over it entirely. I still fear that I’ll fall into the dependency, and that some other person will cause me the same pain Tisha did.

[name omitted]

When I was 7 I was raped by my one of my neighbors. She was 11 or 12 at the time. We had been friends for a while and she invited me to a sprinkler party. It was just me, her, and her younger brother who left at some point, I don’t remember why. It was in the summer but the wind picked up and the water started to feel really cold and she said she knew a way to make it feel warm. She told me lay on the ground and then pulled down my shorts. Since I was so young, I couldn’t really get an erection, but I remember feeling it get stiffer when she touched it. She took off her bottoms and started riding me. The worst part about it to me at the time was that this happened on the front lawn. I knew implicitly somehow that what was going on was wrong, and I was afraid my dad would come out and see us. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more shame. I told her I didn’t want to do it anymore, but she said it felt really good, and kept going. When I remember it, that’s always the part that I think hurt me the most, because it didn’t feel good to me. I didn’t feel anything. I remember I stopped it finally when I saw a car coming down the road, and I pushed her off me. But after that, and this is where I don’t think people will think very highly of me, I thought I had to continue what we were doing, because she was my friend, and even though I knew it was wrong, I still didn’t know what sex was, and so I thought I was just being shy. So I asked her if she wanted to keep doing it. She did. After that, I’m not sure what else happened, but I do know it screwed me up for life. I’m 23, I’ve never had a girlfriend, not sure if I ever will. I’m addicted to porn, that’s something I just admitted to myself not too long ago. I don’t have any major social issues, but I go through cycles of suicidal thoughts and depressive states. I feel a lot of guilt. For a few years after the fact, I felt like I was a liar when I said I was a virgin at church. On top of that, when I was in middle school, I had a chip on my shoulder because, internally, I would congratulate myself for having lost my innocence so young, but part of me always knew that what had happened wasn’t cool, or mature, or made me more adult. I still have lots of anger, and I have to control it, or else I try to hurt myself. I’ve read about this and I know now that, being as young as she was, my neighbor was probably a victim of abuse herself. Some days I’ve forgiven her, some days I haven’t. Today I still consider myself a virgin, in the sense that I’ve never had meaningful sex with someone I love. Not sure if that’ll ever happen. Anyway, that’s my story.

[name omitted]

When I was 17 or so I went over to party a bit with a few of my good friends. The plan was that after everyone had left I’d spend the night and crash in the guest room. The girls who lived there and our mutual friend (a girl) would also be there. In the morning one of our male friends was going to come over and we were all going to go to 6 flags. I was on some meds at the time, so I was only going to drink a small amount. One of the girls mixed me a drink and before you know I’m crazy pants drunk. The world is spinning so I go into the guest room to lay down and a while later they come in and start fooling around with me. I had a gf (they were even friends with my gf) but were just in the mood to mess around I guess. I told them I didn’t want to so they started making out. Now normally as a teen male this is awesome sauce.. But when everything is spinning and you feel sick, 2 girls making out isn’t that entertaining. Eventually they turned their attention back to me. The three of us have know each other for years upon years and always been flirty, but nothing ever came of any of that until this night. Even though I kept saying no my dick was hard as a rock. It’s hard to explain … I’ve been really drunk were my dick hasn’t wanted to salute. But in this situation it was like I was mentally drunk, but physically ok. At one point I even fell off the bed (basically rolled off the bed) to get away and ended up hit my head.. They got me a bandaid and went right back into fooling around. Anyways, even though I kept saying no they took my pants off and each of them took a turn riding on top while the other giggled and kissed us. No condom… No consent… Hell I was just mumbling at that point telling them I had a gf and I wasn’t feeling well. It was aweful.. It just felt confusing. Part of me physically enjoyed it even though I was feeling sick to my stomach and the other part of me felt such a loss of control it was scary. In the morning I didn’t know what to do. My memory was pretty hazy, but I remembered enough. They told me I totally was into it and wanted it and when I told my friends they all said, “dude you can’t get hard if you’re not into it”. Or “dude you had a 3some fuck ya!” Eventually one of the girls gave me a really heartfelt apology. The other (the ring leader) has never apologise and still maintained I wanted it.

[name omitted]

I know two men who were raped by then-girlfriends, one of whom joked about it in an uncomfortable way, the other of whom disclosed the whole story to me. He’d never had sex before. It happened quite simply: they’d slept in the same bed the night before. In the morning, she woke to discover he had “morning wood,” as they say. He woke up to her mounting him. Voila, rape: sex without consent. He didn’t know what to do – it felt good but it also felt wrong and like a shocking betrayal, because he had told her he wanted to wait. After a minute, he pushed her off him. His own extreme distress confused and baffled him; he tried to express to her how wrong her actions were, and she laughed at him and then basically mocked him for being so upset.

[name omitted]

I was 16 at the time and a dumbass kid. I had dated a girl for several years who was both physically and emotionally abusive. I broke things off with her, but things were not good in my life. I came home one night while my parents were out of town. She was sitting in my basement with a handgun. She told me that I was going 'Make love to her’ or I was going to never make love to anyone else ever again. To this day I have no idea what she meant by that specifically, but I did as I was told. I was still a virgin at the time (the two of us had never done it) and I just wept the entire time. She left and was engaged a year later. I was way too embarrassed to tell the police, although in hindsight I wish I would have, although I don’t really have any proof. I enrolled in Krav Maga a week later determined not to let anything like this happen again. I am currently happily engaged to a non-psychotic woman, but I can’t get over this odd crippling fear that someone will rape her. I know how disgusting I felt after the fact and I would literally murder any man that would think of putting her through that.

[name omitted]

I had just graduated, was 18 years old, and went to a friends party. We proceeded to get very drunk, and very high, and this girl (who was 15), started making out with me in the hot tub. I pushed her off of me because I wasn’t into her (and statutory rape freaked me out). But as the night went on I proceeded to get even more fucked up. At the end of the night, everybody went to crash with their respective hookups and she somehow swung it (while i was sitting passing out on the couch) that there was one bed available for the two of us. I offer to sleep on the floor but she insists and I was tired enough not to care. I lie down and begin to fall asleep to find her on top of me making out and then proceeding to give me head. I was kind of paralyzed, didn’t really know what to do. I was kinda just laying there freaking out about the legal consequences of this encounter, but unsure how to make her stop…after a while I just closed my eyes and pretended it was my ex so I could finish, then rolled over and went to sleep. Still not sure to this day who raped who, but I’m prolly the one that would have ended up in jail as a pedo. Freaks me out just thinking about it.

[name omitted]

When I was around five I was left at some persons house to be baby sat for the night. In the middle of the night the baby sitters daughter (also around 5) jumped into my bed. The mother (baby sitter) was also in the room. The mother basically instructed us to do things. Very little of it was penetration but it was all very sexual. I remember enjoying it quite a lot but being totally clueless. In fact I remember wanting to go back there so I could do it again. I never told anyone and still haven’t. This is the first time I’ve typed this. As I got older I realised that this wasn’t right. I never wanted to do anything about it. I’m nearly 30 now.

[name omitted]

About 15 years ago I was at house party with a lot of people, among them was women who been shown her interest in me for a while that I had repeatedly told that I wasn’t interested in anything more than being friends. Later that night she started bringing me beer from the kitchen. After I had consumed the first she had given me, which at first I thought was hitting me so hard because I hadn’t eaten, and was moving on to the next a friend of mine ran over and took it from me. He pulled me aside to tell me that the girl had been seen by several of the women in the kitchen putting “something” into my drinks and giggling that tonight was “my lucky night”. My friend moved me into one of the bedrooms and locked the door to keep her away from me. From what I was told later she was asked to leave once more people found out what she had done. And now on to the “good” part……. I don’t know how long I was passed out but I had flashes of movement and noise and someone being on top of me. As I started to come to I realized my pants were off and a women was on me, someone I had seen at the party but who I didn’t know. I kept saying “stop. get off” but she kept saying things like “It’s alright baby, you’ll enjoy this” . When she was finished she just up and left me there with my pants down. To this day I have no idea who she was. To be honest it took me a couple of days to realize I was raped … after all … men don’t get raped right? At least not by women. Or so I had always been told. As the days went on I cycled from anger to embarrassment and back. I’ve not once accepted a drink I didn’t personally get since. It’s been a long time, and I’ve long since come to terms with it, but if anything I’d have to say the hardest part was the fact that there was no support for men in this situation. I called rape help lines and basically got told to stop making prank phone calls and hung up on. I tried speaking to a counselor who got angry and kept asking “why are you saying this? Are you just looking for sympathy? What kind of man lies about something like this??” and asked me to leave her office. And I lost the one female friend who I thought I could trust to talk about it with.

[name omitted]

Had a fuckbuddy for a while, I was 22, her 21 and it was fun and games for a while, but whenever she would drink, she would get mean. Like spiteful angry mean, it was kind of disturbing. This occurred about six months after starting hooking up. Anyways, we’re at my house and I am in no mood to have sex with her. She was drunk after leaving a party earlier in the night and I was just having her sit it off so she could sober up enough to drive home. Her car was in my drive, so she would have had to come back to get it if I drove her home. I’m laying down, she’s on top of me and literally shoving her pelvis in my face. It’s amusing when I think of it now, but then I was just wtf. She ripped my pants off, threatened all this horrible stuff on me, the twisted part being that she would call police on me that I abused and raped her if I were not to let this continue. I was just done with her, but this was another level of her attitude. I was probably only partially erect, but enough to enter her. It wasn’t very long and wasn’t enjoyable. I didn’t ejaculate, she came and climbed off. I was fed up obviously at that point and we went outside. She was angry that I was not reciprocating like she wanted me to and just wanted her keys to go home. Despite her shitty behavior, I’m still a good enough guy to not let her drive her car home. I tossed them in the yard next to me and she went ballistic, threatening the same thing. “I could ruin your life with a single call, now give my fucking keys.” Stuff like that. I was left with no other option. I gave her keys and followed her home by tailgating her. It was late at night, no one on the road, and she lived no farther than a mile away (another frightening thought). As soon as she parked in her drive, I bolted, having never seen her again. Years later, she went to some of my friend’s workplaces (mutual friends) and was asking about me, wanting to meet up. I told them to lead her astray. I tell the story leaving out no details to others to kind of show how manipulation can be like rape, not simply physical overpowering. I could have tossed her across the room like a doll, but I didn’t want her bruising herself up or something and then calling the police saying I abused her (and they would have taken her side). I didn’t feel emasculated as much as I was angry that I allowed it to get to that moment. I suppose I just dealt with that kind of activity like it was a natural occurrence [shrug]

[name omitted]

I was raped when I was little. I was maybe four or five and she was an older cousin. I think she must have been 13 or 14. I never actually thought of it as fucking me up but I have some issues with trusting women and more debilitating, how I view women. Im pretty positive that my two sisters were raped by the same older cousin but I dont even wanna think about that shit. Actually this shit is so fucked up and Ive never thought of seeing anybody about it until right now. Its so hard to even type it. So we basically simulated sex because I dont think i could even get hard. Like I said, I was 4 or 5. There was a lot of of nakedness and we were under the sheets. Then when I was about the age of 6 until I was 8, another female cousin (who I found out later was raped by an older half-brother) and I dry-humped like every time we saw each other. Our parents were either working or drinking at family party. She actually performed oral on me and I would just feel around. Then another cousin would join and it was just a bunch of fucked up shit that no child should ever be doing. My mind is fucked right now. I dont want to go on but yeah.

[name omitted]

An ex-boyfriend of mine was raped - the way I understood it, he was at school late one night and the girl came up behind him, tasered him, handcuffed him to a tree, rode him until she came, tasered him again, and then undid the handcuffs and ran off. He, to this day, couldn’t tell you what she looked like.

[name omitted]

I must’ve been 21-22, something like that. I was out drinking in the company of a mix of long-time friends and acquaintances. At some point during the evening, my friend’s “yeah she was a bit crazy I’ll admit but we’re cool now” ex-girlfriend joins us. Drinking continues. The bar we’re at closes shortly after friend’s ex shows up and our group of 9-10 people split up and I find myself (quite inebriated) in some shithole bar together with friend’s ex and another girl. More drinking, accompanied by noticing that friend’s ex (let’s call her FEX from now on) is standing way closer to me than strictly necessary, like pressing up against me in the manner I’ve noticed some young ladies tend to do when expressing sexual interest in myself. When it came time for bar number 2 to close, describing my state of inebriation as shitfaced would be an understatement. Somewhere around here, my evening ceases to be one continuous narrative and becomes just a series of brief flashes. One way or another it becomes clear to me that FEX has every intention of having sex with me tonight and that we’re taking a cab back to her place. Her place being located at least a half-hour cab ride away. My place being located five minutes away by foot. No matter. I cannot walk un-assisted. I’m in a cab leaning against the window half-passed out doing my absolute best to not throw up. We pull over to the side of the road at least once so I can be polite enough to not throw up over some cab, but I manage to keep it down. I’m naked in a bed and FEX is sucking my dick. I have no idea what, if anything, else further happens until I wake up the next morning. Wake up with a hangover from fuckthatsucksistan. Manage to get dressed. I ask FEX how the fuck I get home without having to call a cab, and she in the process says “maybe we shouldn’t tell Friend about this”. I just agreed because at that moment I could not possibly have cared any less about how my actions or myself looked. Manage to get home without incident. Later that evening I get a text from Friend basically giggling about it. Turns out once I was out the door, FEX had called up Friend to confess what she and I had done in a less-than-awe-inspiring attempt to make Friend jealous or some shit. Friend just laughs at her and asks if she wants my number. FEX, realizing her plan failed spectacularly, sheepishly asks if I’ve “got anything [ie HIV, etc]”, so I can only assume the sex was unprotected. Friend and I go out and drink again a few days later and I’ve steered clear of running into FEX again. What else came after it? Not much. I’m not traumatized. I haven’t avoided or changed my interactions with the opposite sex in any significant way. I feel violated, but it was a long time ago and I’d rather not dwell on it. Now, was that rape? That depends on if you subscribe to the idea that there is a point of intoxication where consent cannot be meaningfully given. If you do, then yes, that was rape.

[name omitted]

When I was 16, I was very shy, very skinny (borderline underweight), and unsure of myself… and in a relationship with an older girl who was also taller and stronger than me (sadly.) I had never gotten into any fights before, so couldn’t really defend myself from anyone very well. I think you know where this is going. It’s one of those “flashbulb” memories to me now. We had been dating for a few months, and it was very physical. Sex whenever we would hang out, but we weren’t right for eachother, and she was an extremely manic and unstable girl, so I was going to dump her. Anyway, she drove to my house. No parents were home and we were watching television upstairs in the TV room. She seemed annoyed with me and it made it hard to dump her (at 16 it is a huge deal). I ended up going through with it, and she started yelling at me…poor soft-spoken Lanik. Saying things about how she was going to kill herself if I left her and all of these other horrible things. Then, (it’s tough to type this) she got this funny look on her face and just grabs me, starts trying to kiss me. I couldn’t push her off of me, and she ended up ripping my shorts off and mounting me using no protection what-so-ever. I just laid there afterward, because I was so confused about what had happened, and she just left and started texting me. I’ll keep this short but she later said that she was pregnant with my child, which turned out to be a lie, and my parents got involved and supported me through everything. My parents know, no legal action was taken, very few friends know, I’m OKAY now.

[name omitted]

My husband was raped by his “friend.” He never sought therapy for it and it surprised me how he was able to overcome his discomfort and “bad” feelings surrounding sex on his own. She was never prosecuted and was a rape victim herself, but it is not excusable nor acceptable what she did to my husband.

[name omitted]

A girl at a party wouldn’t leave me alone. She kept telling everybody we were going to have sex that night. I didn’t realize she really meant it; I just laughed it off at first. However, it started getting weirder and weirder, and I started making it clearer and clearer that I didn’t want anything to happen. She (let’s call her Carly) had a male friend that was in on it, and kept trying to get me to drink. I don’t drink alcohol, and that combined with my small size makes me pretty sensitive to it’s effects. At a point late in the night, he literally shoved the bottle in my face and made me drink. I started making a point of moving further away from him, which just ended up forcing me to sit near Carly and a female friend of hers. They started touching me, and although I pushed them away at first, as the effects of alcohol and marijuana made me more and more passive, they started groping me more and more. They weren’t subtle about it at all; one of them literally had her hand down the front of my pants. At another point, she grabbed my hand and put it down her bra, in hopes of turning me on; I immediately pulled away, but they wouldn’t leave me alone. The situation was in no way a turn-on to me, and honestly, fairly scary, so I stayed limp through the entire thing, which caused them to get more and more aggressive with their attempts. Eventually, Carly slipped a condom into my pocket and disappeared. Someone at the party found me and told me that Carly wanted me to meet her in the guest bedroom in five minutes. At this point, I was sick of the situation, and told him to tell her it wasn’t happening. He tried to object, but I talked over him, telling him that there was no way I was going into that room. He eventually left and delivered the message. I haven’t really talked to her since, and honestly, I don’t really plan to. A friend told me a similar thing happened to him; however, he was much more willing, so he didn’t view it as sexual assault. I did though; I can’t believe she couldn’t just accept that no means no.

[name omitted]

I used to work in a Christian book store when I was 17, and one of my bosses was this creepy gal in her 50’s that dressed like a teenager. First she would just stand really close to me, breathe in my ear when she talked. Then she started touching, then outright groping pretty much whatever she could get a handful of. I told her repeatedly that I didn’t like it and she told me that I had better learn to like it or get another job. I reported it to the main boss, another female, and was laughed out of the office. Eventually I had to quit. I’ve struggled with this for a long time and now I see that it could have been much worse.

[name omitted]

When i was in my early 20’s i used to hang out with a group of heavy alcoholics who were in their 40’s. One of the women in the group was my really good friends ex wife, somebody who didn’t hide that she wanted me. Being the drunks we were, i did end up hooking up with her, i think at the time she was 46. That was the worst thing i ever did, because she kept wanting to meet me every time she got drunk, and she was very aggressive. I used to make my other friends walk me to my room, and then lock it from the inside just so i could get some sleep. One day i woke up with her next to me(this was 2 years since we had hooked up last). My first reaction was how did you get in my room, then i saw her face, she had two black eyes, and bruises all over. She told me she slipped in the shower and hit the towel holder. I still to this day don’t know exactly what happened, but when trying to remember anything about the situation i have these fleeting images in my head that horrify me till today. I think i was laying in bed and she got in somehow and tried to give me a blow job. I don’t know if my memories are real, or I just made them up to fill in gaps, but I think i was trying to push her off, and just throwing punches at her while i was laying extremely drunk in bed. I think she waited till i got tired and then blew me anyway. Yea, its sex, yea its a blowjob, but she turned me into something that night I didn’t want to be. It horrifies me that i did that to somebody, let alone a women. But it was no less an assault by her, to force me to do something i didn’t want to do. Ill never justify hitting a women, but i think that’s what happened that night.

[name omitted]

happened to me in college on a bus back from a sorority formal. The girl was super drunk and got on top of me and kept making out with me despite me telling her to stop. I was surrounded by other people who were making out and tried to push her off of me but she wouldn’t get off and she kept calling me a bitch and telling me to shut up. Later, after I unfriended her on facebook and told her not to talk to me again, her friend told me that I sexually aggressive and had left bruises on her hips from “aggressively dancing” with her. I heard that she told her friends that she was going to fuck me, then afterwards told them that I had come on to her. It’s messed up that women have that kind of power of men, when being accused of sexual assault is one of a man’s greatest fears.

[name omitted]

as a gay man, I’ve gotten a lot of unwanted sexual attention from straight women. I’ve found that some women (especially when drunk), knowing full well I’m gay, will still try to hook up with me. Anything from random caresses to full-on attempts to make out or put their hands down my pants, to the point where I have to physically push them off. I think some think it’s funny, some thing it’s a legitimate challenge, and some are just shitfaced, but it’s essentially sexual assault and it’s extremely disrespectful. Some might think it’s harmless, but at it often feels like my sexuality isn’t valued as legitimate. Also, unwanted sexual advances are really shitty, no matter who’s making them to whom. Macho culture seems to think that anytime a girl comes onto a guy, he should be flattered, even if he’s gay. I’m sure some people will read this and still have a “DM;HS” attitude. Complaints of this nature are seen as ridiculous. I know it’s a two-way street, and I think it’s in terribly poor taste when gay men are playfully sexual with their female friends, e.g. “I can slap your ass because I’m gay, lulz”.

[name omitted]

I have a gay friend. He’s an ungodly beautiful man, a mix of German and French. Blonde and blue eyes, with a lean figure to match it with. We always joke around about how I love the fact that he’s gay, less competition with the straight ladies. (And believe me, if he were straight, a dozen girls in earshot would immediately drop their panties for this guy). So with this in mind, he tells me one day about how many times girls would just take advantage of him when he’s drunk. Often times, he’d wake up cuddling with some unknown woman. Women would fight over who gets to make out with him when he’s drunk. They purposefully make him drink to get him to this state. He says these things jokingly to me, he acts a bit indifferent about the topic. I don’t think he’s ever gone all the way with a girl but I can tell that it bothers him still. It’s kind of scary to think of being in that situation.

[name omitted]

I guess it’s considered rape even though she is younger than me she got me drunk at a party and what I thought was her being polite giving me a place to lie down turned out to be her giving me a blowjob and then having sex with me. I was lucky enough that some friends came in during the act looking for me and got me out of there. (She was a very large girl that has apparently done this to a lot of men we know) I really hate that vulnerable feeling now that I realize people will take advantage of it.

[name omitted]

My story’s a bit ambiguous, but here goes. I was in a relationship (a few months in) with a girl I had it bad for. She was, however, quite manipulative. She had a history of having been sexually abused as a child and I think that brought about some of those manipulative traits. It also resulted in her being of a mindset that, deep down, men just want sex – after all, all the other men in her life were like that. The tension and pressure slowly built – little rules for seeing her and so on. Until eventually there came one day where, in the course of a few hours, she brutally broke up with me, then came over to my place, described her own rape in explicit detail, started talking about how we can get back together if only I was willing to sacrifice this or that and maybe never talk to certain friends of mine she didn’t like – the works. Things were heavy and hard to navigate. I was still upset from the breakup (she must have left for my place as soon as it happened over the phone) and crying. Not really thinking straight at all. I was agreeing to all kinds of crazy things that I would do in the future, and the manipulation was in full gear. There were never any demands, just little quirks of hers and what kind of a horrible guy doesn’t understand that someone with her past needs a little something extra? Even if that little something involves entirely giving up your regular life? At any rate, the waterworks were flowing and she came over to me. Started touching me, things moved on, she kissed me. I just sort of sat there and, after a minute or two of it, kissed back, not knowing what to do. But it got sexual fast, and I had never had sex with her before. I stopped her and said no, but quickly found out that that was the wrong answer. It’s not that I feared violence or anything: I’m a little guy, but the thought never really crossed my mind. Rather, what happened, was she just looked at me and told me that she doesn’t want to be alone. That she wanted me to love her and that she didn’t want her past to make her be alone forever. It was up to me to make everything right. Me, still crying, completely dazed and confused. Apparently my shirt was already off. I didn’t remember that happening at this point. I simply had no ability to think, to know what was happening, to make a decision. And so she was on top of me and I guess we had sex, in some sense of the term. It didn’t work very well; I wasn’t very erect. I was not unlike a robot. Mostly still, moving occasionally because that’s what happens in this routine. It ended and she left. I never heard from her again. I called a few times, not sure why. I hated her after all that but called anyway; curious more than anything else. No reply though.

[name omitted]

When I was 18 I was like every other 18 year old male, young dumb and full of… well, you get the idea. I was a Senior in HS about to graduate and I had the world at my finger tips, or so I thought… Myself, along with good friends of mine, got invited to a “pre-prom” party, and I don’t want to give the mis conception that I was a popular kid who always went to high school parties, I was neither a “loser” or a “cool kid” kinda just average and went with the crowd you know? Anyways, there was this girl I was interested in, in my eyes, she was the most magnificent and beautiful girl I’d ever seen, and I wanted her… I wanted her bad… So the majority of the party I was drinking and trying to hit on her, probably using every socially akward penguin move in the hand book, just completely making an ass of myself, when eventually she just got tired of me and decided it’d be a good idea to pawn me off on one of her friends. She told me she had a hot friend who was really into me, as an 18 year old half drunk dude, I was rather impressed and she took me upstairs to meet her friend. We went upstairs and she took me into one of the bedrooms and said she’d be right back. So I sat on this strangers bed trying to control my boyish horomones when she finally came back, with my drink in her hand and one for herself, I knew it was my drink because I awkwardly chew the rim on all my cups, sort of a nervous thing like biting your nails, I dunno. Anyways, she told me she couldn’t find her friend and that she’d send her a text, we kept drinking and she told me she thought I was cute and that I shouldn’t feel bad for her not taking an interest, it’s just that her and her bf just broke up and blah blah blah. At this point I was starting to feel a bit weird, not sure whether or not it was the atmosphere or what, but something wasn’t right… She said she could tell from the way I was acting that I wanted a gf, and not just a quick fling, and she wasn’t ready for another commitment… So here I am, an 18 year old intoxicated boy trying to save face, when I say I’m not looking for anything serious, just want to make my graduating year one to remember… She puts down her drink, puts one hand my left thigh, reaches her other one behind my neck, pulls herself in and says “I won’t tell if you don’t” and begins to kiss my ear… Needless to say I’ve been holding back a raging hard on for some time now, I nearly explode inside my underoos, and just when she reaches for my belt THANK FUCKING GOD her friend walks in… or at least, that’s what I thought… Between the shear embarassment of almost nutting in my pants and this weird sensation I was experiencing I thought this was my chance to escape. Now, her friend I have to inform you, was far from “hot”. I don’t mean to sound rude, or prejudice by any means, but this girl was the kind you cringe at when you see them at wal-mart. Thinking back I’m pretty sure the girl I liked, kept this girl around to make herself feel better about herself Not wanting to be rude to her friend, who we will call Amanda and definitely not wanting to ruin what I thought was about to happen with the girl I like who we will call Kendra I pretended like I wasn’t utterly disgusted. Her mammoth of a friend came and sat down on the other side of me and asked me small talk questions like what I thought of our teachers and shit, while I looked back at Kendra and she kind of just nodded with a smile, before I knew it Amanda had her lips plastered on my neck like a fucking octopus, I realized I was now drugged and defenseless, the nod Kendra gave wasn’t to me, it was to her friend. I didn’t realize I had let go of my drink and it was all over the floor. From this point I remember trying to politely beg them to stop, but Kendra turned from a sweet innocent angel to a raging cunt and said something along the lines of “What!? A second ago you were ready to fuck me, is your dick too good for her?” that sounds wrong now, but it was something along those lines, this bitch was crazy… I remember trying to sit up but I could barely move, I remember thinking to myself atleast if they rufied me I wouldn’t be able to keep it up, so what’s the worst that could happen, let’s just say they didn’t rufie me… Before I could do anything my pants were undone and Kendra had her hands around my member, while Amanda was trying to suck the center of a tootsie pop through the front of my face, I swear this girl had never made out with anyone in her life all I heard was Kendra say “Okay have fun” and the door shut, I remember I started crying and felt such a sense of shame I tried holding my breath so I’d pass out as Amanda slid herself onto me. I literally felt sick to my stomach as this whale began to slop herself back and forth ontop of me. I remember trying to push her off but she was so big when she got a hold of my wrists she pinned me down, I was so fucked up on what ever was in my drink I was helpless… I just lay their silently crying while being taken by this beast. After that I don’t really re-call what happened, I woke up on the floor in a pile of puke and all sorts of bodily fluids, started to panic and vomitted again, I remember gathering myself and searching for a condom or a wrapper, I thought that’s what Kendra was doing when she had her hands on me, but I was so, so wrong… I got awkward looks at school, never did end up going to prom, and had some assholes send some photos to me via text of that night I’d never forget. It’s true that I haven’t told a soul until now, but apparently the douche bags at my school thought this situation would make for a great photo op. I dread the day I see those photos online, all I can do is hope that they all are gone, via phones dying, hard drives malfunctioning, but every single day it haunts me… Kicker of it all, 9 months later I had a baby boy. This sounds grotesque but bare with me, it turns out Kendra wanted to get pregnant but didn’t want to fuck anyone, so she paid her behemoth friend to rape me, and give her my sperm, I only know this because they were stupid enough to talk about it on Nexopia (Old site like facebook that was around before Myspace and FB) So this fat bitch made me bust inside her gunt, apparently came back and sucked me off for another shot, and then they poured it into Kendra. Now this is a whole lot to take in, almost sounds too far fetched to be true, but you can’t make shit like this up. Kendra’s parents called my family, apparently they were planning to say I raped her, got her pregnant, and claim child support, there were many messages back and forth between the two of this giant elaborate plan to destroy the rest of my life as if they haven’t already, but she left her computer on one day and her mom saw the messages while cleaning her room. Kendra’s mom contacted my family, then the police, and to this day I still haven’t reported it. I simply said I don’t remember what happened… That’s all I feel like sharing for now…

[name omitted]

At a house party, a Japanese girl I didn’t know arranged, with friends of hers, for me to get stuck in a bedroom with her, and kinda threw herself at me. But she was half my size, and after an awkward period trying to dissuade her, her friends came to check on us. At that point, I was fully clothed, she was half-naked. I got up and walked straight out of the house. Told my girlfriend (who was elsewhere) the whole truth, she thought it was hilarious. Later, a friend told me the story that made the rounds: I got drunk, trapped this girl in a room, tried to ravish her (I won’t say rape, because in the story she was into it–to quote, it was “like an American movie”), but we were interrupted and I ran away. Luckily, everyone I knew believed me. Apparently the girl went back to Japan a few days later (end of term), and I never heard anything more about it. It could have been so much worse for me.

[name omitted]

I was on a cruise ship going from Italy to Spain with a bunch of friends from school. Drank probably what was too much. She did not drink at all. I wanted nothing to do with her (she was not appealing to me, sorry to sound shallow). Somehow we ended up back in my room. I remember bits and pieces but do not remember any actual penetration happening. Friends have all told me slightly different stories so there is no way to tell what really happened. Regardless, I woke up the next day feeling horrible and it took me a while to feel normal again. That would have been my first time if it did happen and the whole not knowing thing really scarred me.

[name omitted]

I was drunk, but not in what I would consider a condition to say no. I was blackout drunk and got filled in on specifics later by my friends who had seen what happened. I met the girl a week before at a small get-together. I was told there was a girl that liked me there and wanted to be introduced, so I went over. She was unattractive and frankly, rather boring. In any sober situation I’d have said “no”. When we met up again, she asked me to play beer pong with her. I suck at beer pong. Lose every time. I figured I’d be a good friend though and play with her. A couple guys I knew handed me a couple drinks (rum mixes, though with the beer and the flavor, I misread how much I was drinking), and I ended up having to sit down pretty quickly. She only had the beer from the games and claimed a high tolerance from drinking experience. She sat with me and we talked for a while. This is where I got filled in. At this point she led me upstairs by the hand, and through a few rooms. She obviously didn’t know which ones were unoccupied because plenty of people saw me with her. I woke up with her naked with a used condom laying next to me. Of course it’s always possible she just stripped me and someone else came in and did her, but I doubt that. Great for a first time, right? Now, like I said, some people take situations like this differently. Some call it rape, some don’t. Personally, I figure I fucked up. She wanted sex, I didn’t, but I fucked up. If I got into a car in that state, it would be my fault. Why not this? It’s not like she drugged my drinks. Gotta say though, the worst parts were wondering if she would get pregnant from something I didn’t know about or if she would try to screw me over for not trying to call her back or something (She played beer pong too. If she claimed rape, I KNEW I’d be fucked despite drinking more and being in a worse state). I got plenty of bad jokes directed at me afterwards, but that was the worst part.

[name omitted]

I was in college living in the dorms and had a lot of trouble sleeping. I was still a virgin at the time, I’m bipolar and have a very stunted sex drive (an entirely separate issue but somewhat relevant.) I would often take walks late at night, this particular night there were three girls sitting out, one being a lesbian I had previously met on my late night walks. One girl seemed to have her eye on me, and the conversation quickly turned to drugs, and me stating that I had both some marijuana and alcohol. We ended up going to the grocery store and getting the supplies to make Leary biscuits (it’s a sort of cooked marijuana cracker) and went to the lesbians dorm. At this point I’m assuming all three girls are lesbians. We get back and make the biscuits, and I also had a flask with me. They were actively encouraging me to drink but refused to participate. Two of them ate a biscuit and the other refused, stating she didn’t do that sort of thing. I was told it would be a shame to see all those others go to waste. At this point I’m incredibly high, and incredibly drunk. This is when the sober one makes her move. There was no subtlety, she hopped up on the counter and started rubbing my leg, having said no more than 5 words to me all night. She then drug me to the couch and layed down with me, pulling my arm over her. We stayed that way for a while. I seem to remember this amusing her friends in some way. I later got up to leave and she insisted I was in no state to walk to my room alone and followed me out. On the way back she stopped me and asked what I would do if she kissed me. I replied “I don’t guess I’d fight it.” She got pretty into that until campus police came around the corner, and she drug me to my room and pushed me onto the bed and jumped on me. I’m so mentally out of it I have no concept of time at this point, it felt like hours of making out, clothes came off at some point. I was so jacked up that I spent well over a minute trying to find the back clasp on her bra only for her to point out it was on the front, right in front of my face. At this point the realization of this whole thing sort of sunk in and I kept moving myself off her only to have her position herself under me again and in my state I caved. I stuck my hand down her pants at the exact moment her phone rang. It was her boyfriend. That’s when my situation started to catch up to me, a feeling of sheer terror. I knew nothing about this girl. My previously mentioned low sex drive causes some self esteem issues surrounding that topic, and I felt like by that point I was obligated to just go with it, for fear of being less of a man. Luckily the call from her boyfriend scared her, and she insisted we go to sleep. She even drug me back to her place to sleep. It never quite set right with me, and the longer I thought about the whole ordeal afterward the more sure I was that her being sober and me being totally drunk was no random circumstance. She was not a physically attractive girl, and her boyfriend was hundreds of miles away. She started just showing up in my room, trying to finish what we started and I blew her off. I was made to feel like the aggressor, and told that her boyfriend was a mexican gang member (she was from mexico) and if he found out he would come for me. I got disgusting looks from the girls everywhere I saw them. This caused me a lot of turmoil. On one hand she clearly intentionally got me into a state of altered consciousness for the purpose of getting me in bed. That’s textbook sexual assault. On the other hand, regardless of my state I take great pride in taking responsibility for my own actions. I did little to attempt to stop her, and I never once said the word no. It’s true I would never have done anything like that sober, but I feel like, at the moment, I wasn’t opposed to the entire ordeal. To this day I’m not sure what the ratio of blame between us is.

[name omitted]

I got drunk at my going away party. A long-time friend who I wasn’t really attracted to but knew was attracted to me happened to call me. In my obliterated state, I asked her to come over so I could say goodbye. She followed me up to my room and, for all intents and purposes, took advantage of my drunken state. In the morning I was extremely upset and told her to get the fuck out much to her surprise. She later called me demanding an explanation. I told her that I felt like she took advantage of me and that she should have been the wiser since she wasn’t drunk, and that had the roles been reversed, I’d be looking at rape charges. She turns this around on me and starts to say that alcohol doesn’t make you do anything you don’t want to do, and it’s not like I wasn’t able to get it up, etc. etc. She goes so far as to say that she had two shots before we got into bed and so she was drunk too, and that what I’m saying is an attempt to hurt her for reasons I can’t imagine. It never got resolved and I never spoke to her again. What really pisses me off though is how everyone insists (Females, too, which blows my mind) that I wasn’t raped or taken advantage of and that I 'asked for it.’ I could tell the story a million times to a million people and they’d just chalk it up to me being ashamed of 'sleeping with a big girl.’ Of course though, if I tell the story about 'my friend, a girl’ and 'some douche’ it’s rape, and she should report it. I’ve been told multiple times, too, that a woman can’t rape a man unless she’s wearing a strap-on/other phallic device is involved. The whole thing just pisses me off.

[name omitted]

I was raped at 13, by a 15 year old girl. She was a lot bigger, and I was pretty much a 5'2 twig.

[name omitted]

A friend of mine essentially got raped a couple days ago, although he would never admit it. We were out drinking at a bar with some female friends. At closing we realized we had no way of getting home and the girls invited to stay at their place (which was a couple of blocks away). When we got there a very drunk and persistent girl started to talk and drag him into the bedroom. He keep hinting to me that he wanted to leave and was shooting me “let’s get the hell out of here glances.” I was to drunk to realize exactly what was happening and never considered that he could actually get “raped”. Anyway we left their house the following morning and he told me he told her he didn’t want to do anything but she insisted. I cannot explain exactly what happened in the bedroom. But he seemed unhappy with the nights events but would never admit to actually getting raped or take advantage of in anyway. Just as I think any guy would admit to it either. But given what he said and did, I think I would have been very concerned if it was a girl that was in the same situation and would almost certainly think it was rape.

[name omitted]

I’d just gone through a terrible breakup with a woman I was living with. It was about two months after the breakup. I wa still in a really depressed state, but also trying to snap myself out of it. I was working in a cafe and whenever some coworker mentioned something was going on I was glad to take part in it, just to get out and do something and take my mind off the breakup. There was one coworker in particular, Julie (fake), and we had a lot in common. At almost any other point in my life I probably would have thought she was great. But at this point I really, really, really didn’t want anything to do with women beyond friendship. She made a move on me once. I told her basically what I just wrote above; she’s great, but I just can’t be with someone right now. We hung out a few times after, and everything seemed nicely platonic, so I thought case was closed. I have a party in my apartment and naturally invite my coworkers. The night is getting late, I’ve been drinking heavily. One by one they all start to leave until all that’s left is me, and Julie. It’s getting late and I know she doesn’t drive. We’re talking, nice and platonic still, but I drop hints about how late it is, is she going to be okay getting home? Yeah, she’s fine, don’t worry about her, she’ll head down and hop on a bus. She finally makes her departure, a nice short quick hug and goodbye. About 3 minutes later there’s a knock on my door. She missed the last bus, could she call a cab from my place? Oh, and while waiting for the cab, can she have another drink while she waits? I’m plastered, barely able to keep my eyes open, sure yeah whatever. I don’t remember exactly how things happened next. I was in a chair, struggling to stay awake when she grabbed my face and started kissing me. She pretty quickly had her hand down my pants an autonomic functions were taking over. My eyes were closed, all I could think of was how this was the apartment I had been sharing with my previous girlfriend. She took me in her mouth and I felt the tears trying to escape. She pulled me to the bed at some point. I don’t know if I orgasmed or not, all I remember is later lying on my side, pretending to be passed out while she whispered about how good we were together, until I finally did pass out. I quit my job about a week later. I din’t speak to any of my coworkers from that time again. I still remember how badly I wanted to cry, and today (about 7 years later) I still almost cry every time I think about it.

[name omitted]

I am furious that male rape gets as little understanding, sympathy, or space for discussion as it does. Men should not have to grow up feeling like they should always want to get laid no matter what, nor ever be put in a situation where they cannot say no. I hope this issue gets more attention, so that we can realize that sexual abuse is not just man to woman, but so that also men can stop feeling the need to deflect issues about women feeling vulnerable with statements about how men can be victimized too (because I don’t think this helps anyone). Victims need to stand together, not be divided by something like gender.

(and in case you were wondering, I have thousands more that I can post, but I thought this trifling handful would work to make the point come across)

EDIT: more personal stories that have come through asks and the like

I’m a doctor. During my internship my schedule consisted of 14 hour work shifts, sometimes back to back if things got really hectic. Despite this I was still expected to maintain the status quo of my relationship, which meant I had to cook and clean and pay our rent, while my girlfriend went out clubbing every night and assumed no responsibilities. During this time, she thought I was doing things like sleeping with nurses or whatever.

Even after multiple assurances that I wasn’t doing anything shady, she still didn’t believe me. These arguments eventually turned violent, she would hit me with chairs, kick me in the crotch, scratch me with her nails, etc. Peppered among these incidents are times where she would hurt herself (such as putting her fist through a glass case, which ended up with her getting stitches … which I paid for) and tell others I did it to her.

She always blamed me for all of these actions, told me how it was my fault she was suspicious, that it was my fault she abused me, that women are always right and men are always wrong and I should just “get over” the way she treated me.

[name omitted]

Edit 2: More added

The first person I ever told said to me “I don’t care, and I never want to hear about this again.”

We divorced a few months later.

[name omitted]

My ex-boyfriend was raped as a child by an older male. It was awful- I was the first person he ever told. Watching him struggle was difficult, and I always tried to be there for him. He eventually left me because he felt broken, and tried to be very macho often. I always wished that he would have felt comfortable telling a counselor, but he said that it was too gay and no one would take him seriously. I truly wish more people would take this subject seriously.

[name omitted]

When I went to a specialist psychologist who deals in just abuse cases, she refuse to treat me because she said I was able to talk about the horrors I have been through in life with such detachment that it must not have any effect on me in anyway.

 When the professionals who are there to supposedly help us don’t even hold what we say at any value, what chance are we supposed to have to better ourselves and fix how we feel from these issues.

Rage.

[name omitted]

I was assaulted when I was six, by my 16 year old best friend. The first person I voluntarily told laughed his ass off.

[name omitted]

I was raped as a child and erm kinda molested also. The molested thing happened when I was 5 by a girl who was probably 10ish. I dont blame her really as im sure something happened to her that made her that way. Im not sure what you would really call it either. I wad raped when I was around 8-10 by this boy who was about 6 years older. That one haunts me the most. I prefer not going into detail but I wad locked in a room for around an hour each time. I was and still am scared shitless to tell anyone. I told my ex, who handled it well seeing as she had been molested before, but i still cant bring myself to tell anyone else. Feels good to let it out a little honestly, sorry for rambling

[name omitted]

My father was sexually abused as a child for about 5-6 years. He had self blame and shame for it his entire life that I didn’t find out about until I was 19. He committed suicide about two months after he talked to me about it. That was 4.5 years ago. We just unlocked his Word documents this summer and found his writings. We never knew how much he truly kept inside. He just poured it all out in there.

[name omitted]

I was raped by my then-friend and his brother from school. That wasn’t the hardest part, the hardest part was that when my sister was felt up in a bed and breakfast my Mum went to the police, was there for her and gave her all kinds of support. When it happens to her son with someone who he’s supposed to trust, she laughs it off and tells me to stop being so stupid.

[name omitted]

A once close gay friend of mine was sexually assaulted by women. We were at a rave and two very large women cornered him in a bathroom (he’s tiny), touched his genitals and basically humiliated/forced themselves on him. My other friend and I literally had to tear them off him, they were laughing, he was crying. To this day he feels like his body rebelled on him because sometimes penises get hard even when we don’t want them to due to simple friction/manipulation, sometimes vaginas get wet even when we’re not aroused. He struggled with a severe phase of depression and even subtle misogyny before disappearing into the drug scene forever. This was not the only incident that pushed him to the edge but just the cherry on the shit sundae of being a sweet little guy who people seemed to victimize a lot.

[name omitted]

Knife in hand, my friend proclaimed her love for me and demanded “make love to me or I’ll kill myself right now”. I was so scared.

During the act I had my face hidden. She grabbed my hair and said “look me in the eyes so I know you enjoy this”.

Afterwards she said “I knew you loved me too”. I’d never felt so ashamed and disgusting.

She got pregnant. I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone the truth. Why the fuck would anyone believe me when she was so happy to be pregnant? I’d just look like a deadbeat.

I lost the love of my life that I’d been dating for over 4 years. I think about her every day.

I’m a great father with a beautiful daughter that I would endure anything for. She is a shit mother and is rarely around these days. I work and raise her myself. I hope to gain full custody. That would be the most freeing feeling in the world.

[name omitted]

“Do you want me to show you a fun game?” I was 4. He was my babysitter.

[name omitted]

I was sexually molested by a friends father. David (My friend) has me over a lot of the time, My mom loved it because he lived in the same apartment complex as i did, so she could (In her words) “Git rid of me”. David’s father always seemed really cool, old biker guy, had tattoos, let us watch horror movies. Every time i came over David was called into his dad and moms bedroom for at least half an hour and come out crying. Me being 5, i never knew why. One day David’s dad(I cant remember his name) called me into the bedroom and closed the door. He then put on Guns and roses and told me to lay back. He then raped me. He did for a few more times, every time my mom told me to go to David’s i would cry and yell. I told her he touched my butt and it hurt. I told my grandparents, who didn’t believe me, it wasn’t until I told my paternal Grandmother that someone believed me. She called the police, who send me to a doctor who confirmed i had been raped, and then the police asked my mother if she wanted to press charges. She then said “Oh he HAS to be lying, that couldn’t happen to him” The police officer (Later I found it was a father of a class mate of mine) said “The doctor confirmed it, what more do you want, to SEE him do it?” She then pressed charges, David was taken away and went to live with his aunt and uncle (Whom i didn’t know and a few years ago i found out he died about 10 years back) I lived with my mom until i was 12, and she still doesn’t believe me that it happened. My family (Mothers side) refuses to even accknolage that it happened. My ex-wife, upon hearing it scoffed and said “That was like 17 years ago, get over it already”. It still affects me today.

- joshmayner

“Dude, just relax, you wouldn’t have gotten drunk with me if you didn’t wanna do this…” - Random Air Force guy '10

Only my ex-fiance knows. This isn’t a sob story, just what happened. It took me a long time, but I dealt with it. I’m generally an asshole, and I don’t make the best decisions, but no one deserves to deal with the situation, the aftermath or the shame involved with this. I can only hope some were brave enough to bring it forward, because I wasn’t. And now I deal with the worry that others suffered because I didn’t…

[name omitted]

My dad died when I was 12, so my divorced aunt moved in to help my mom out for a few years. She had a 16 year old daughter who also stayed with us. We lived a couple states apart beforehand so I never really knew either of them very well before that.

My cousin would look after me when my mom and aunt were working and had these games she would play where she would dress me in her clothes and put makeup on me and call me her little kochanie. She said she always wanted a little sister and I was sweet enough to be a girl. So she would dress me as one and we would have tea parties and play with dolls and make cookies in the easy bake oven.

When I was 13, the games started to get a little sicker and involved her performing sexual acts on me. I experienced my first orgasm in her mouth while she had a finger up my butt. Things got progressively worse but I was a shy kid and didn’t have any friends. She told me this was what older cousins did and she’d have to teach me about sex so I could be prepared for my first girlfriend.

This went on until she left for college when I was 15. I actually looked forward to her visits home because I missed her and the special attention she would give me. After 3 years of “bonding” with her, I developed something like stockholm syndrome I guess. I didn’t realize how wrong it all was and how she mentally manipulated me while raping me.

Eventually she got bored with me or realized just how wrong it was to do what she did to me and quit. I was angry at first feeling like she rejected me but then I slowly began to realize just what she did to me and how it really screwed with me. She not only physically raped me but mentally raped me and destroyed my adolescence. I didn’t have any real friends growing up. Didn’t have my first girlfriend until I was in my 20’s. All of my relationships have fallen apart within 6 months.

She’s married now with children and I’m still single and alone. I tried seeking therapy but none of them are any good. I tried talking to my mom and aunt about it but neither of them believe my lies. My cousin denies it all and it’s hard to be taken seriously when you go to them 10 years after the fact about it all. My friends laugh at me wishing they had such an experience growing up telling me that my cousin is hot and I was lucky. I feel ashamed to have told them.

I’m pretty sure the whole situation has given me gender identity issues. Sometimes I really wish I was her sister instead of her cousin. Sometimes I still put on women’s clothing and makeup. I’m deeply ashamed of it but it gives me some form of inner peace and I’ll never know if it’s because that’s who I really am inside or if it’s because of what my psychotic cousin did to me when I was at a very fragile time in my life.

I get to carry this crap with me until the day I die because of her twisted teenage fantasy and it’s a joke to the majority of the world. Oh well at least I get to make a throwaway account on a website I frequent to share this story with the world if only for a few seconds. Makes me feel slightly less alone in a screwed up way.

- nobody_special

This’ll get buried but I wanted to share.

I repeatedly told a girl that I wasn’t interested over a period of months. After a night out I was hammered and led back to a mutual “friends” flat, where I passed out. I woke up to her riding me, I only remember flashes before passing out again. About 4 am I woke up and let myself out and went home, without my socks. I don’t know where they went.

I felt sick afterwards for days, I told my friends who told me that it wasn’t rape because I’m a guy and couldn’t be overpowered, I’m 6,2 94kgs. And that I shouldn’t say I was raped because it could hurt her career, she’s a teacher. They all think its funny and bring it up all the time. I don’t.

Honestly it made me bitter. Fuck those guys.

[name omitted]

When I was a kid, my best friend raped me for about two years. For the most part it’s a bit of a black spot in my memory, but I do recall moments of terror that make me viscerally ill to this day.

We would play in my backyard or in my bedroom–in the backyard in would be in a two-story playhouse (it felt huge to me at that age, but I recall now that it only just barely went over the fence-line in height), and my friend would always want to play 'House.’ He was the husband and I was the wife. We’re both male. In playing House, I would put on an apron and go about doing heteronormative wifely things: fake cooking, fake cleaning, talk in a high pitched voice…the things that a little boy thinks a wife does in the mid 90s. He, on the other hand, was the man of the dollhouse. He would 'come home from work,’ drink a glass (plastic cup) of alcohol (empty, and I learned what alcohol was from him), and then proceed to yell at me, hit me and stick things in me (fingers, plastic spatulas, anything that would fit, really).

Now sure, you’re thinking, 'What the fuck? This got fucked up REALLY QUICKLY.’ This is where I don’t recall much of what happened. The time from before this happened that I knew him, and what led up to this, I can’t remember. I remember watching The Lion King at his house a lot, and playing basketball with him, but what led up to the point where he started sodomizing me with himself and various objects? I don’t know. Why did I take it all without telling anybody? I also don’t know. My best guess is that I was just a scared kid who didn’t want to get in trouble for doing things that I knew I shouldn’t have been doing, even if I never enjoyed doing them and was–as is clear in hindsight–a victim and not a willing participant.

For about two years this lasted (I say two years because I remember meeting him in the first grade, and I think that I told my mother that I wanted to stop playing with him in the 3rd grade). It ended when my mother caught me playing 'House’ with my beanie babies in the corner of my room one night. She talked to me, and I vaguely remember talking to both her and my friend’s mother the next day on the couch, very scared, and telling them everything that had been happening. I found out from a mutual friend–this being in middle school (I was 11)–that the boy who fucked with me had an abusive father. The middle school friend was a bully, too, and in having met his dad over the childhood years, he (the father) was a bit rough-around-the-edges, too. He would beat the boy’s mother, and she stayed in that relationship. At that point in time I didn’t really understand what that meant, but in high school I understood a bit more why he (the boy) would do those things to me: monkey see, monkey do. Maybe he was a bit scared and broken himself, and so he acted out in the only way he knew how.

[name omitted]

I’m a very straight tough guy, and I was sexually assaulted. I was drunkenly walking home late one night after going out, and got pulled into a car against my will by a gay man. I passed out in the seat as soon as he pulled me in off the street, and woke up as he was doing his thing to me. I punched him in the face and jumped out of the moving car. Somehow I was okay, but he went after me with the vehicle. I ran as fast as I could into an alley, but fell and smashed my face open on the ground. I got back up and somehow made it to safety. That was the worst night of my life. I’ve never told a single person this story.

[name omitted]

To quote an officer after i was convinced to report a sexual assault on myself. (As the women was still harassing me and threatening my life after the incident.)

“You know what, if you were my son i’d call you a pussy. You’re a guy it’s your duty. You got laid, get over it.”

Followed by while I was walking away speechless and feeling worse.

“If you were a girl, than this would of been a crime. But you’re not.”

[name omitted]

  “You’re momma’s special boy.” - age 4-7

My children have never seen their grandmother, nor ever will.

In my 40s now and I still have nightmares. My wife can’t accept it, so I pretend it never happened.

Many people can’t accept that mothers could do this. I’ve lost friends and relationships over hinting about this, by people who worship mothers as a concept. I’m thought to be scum for just being estranged from my mother, so I pretend she’s dead when asked. I remember hearing Dr. Drew Pinsky say, on the radio, that this never happens, mothers don’t do that. A lot of therapists believe the same.

Life has never been easy for me, but many had worse. I love my children and do all I can to protect them. I broke a long chain of abuse.

Abusers and rapists can be anyone. Victims can be anyone. This is not about sex or gender. It’s about power, and taking that from another.

After several years, I realized that my mother used to sexually abuse me. It had happened a few times that we would explore each others' bodies. She would touch me down there, now I know she was masturbating me. Of course that at that age I would never get to an orgasm or anything like it. It felt like it was a game. One night, I remember being on the living room watching tv. She was using her robe, and was hugging me. The "game" started again, and I ended up with my minuscule dick inside her. It was the strangest feeling I can remember: excitement, some kind of guilt of being doing something wrong (this was probably because my step father used to hit me, as he didn't like me being close to my mother. If he'd found me watching tv or doing nothing on their bedroom, he would look angry and me - when my mother was not looking - and then hit me when we got alone in the house), and the weird feeling of "peeing" inside her.

It took me years to face her and ask her about that night. I kind of didn’t know if it was real and wouldn't even want to remember it. But one day I just asked. She broke in tears, asked for forgiveness and explained to me that it was a mistake, that she had been abused by his father and brother, and in a way, that it was "normal" to her.

I'm still trying to find out how all of this affected me.

[name omitted]

I was boozing hard, ended up taking some Xanax and passing out in my own bed. Woke up to this girl who I knew wanted me even though I have a serious girlfriend (she was in my house because she is friends with my roommates) on top of me, naked and riding me. I came to, pushed her off and said what the fuck?! She started crying, saying that she just wanted to be with me, and that she thought if I woke up to her fucking my passed out body I would want to keep going. Fucked up, but flip the situation around and I would be in prison right now.

[name omitted]

I've never told anyone this.

When I was 7 or 8 some neighborhood girls who were probably two years older would take me to one of the the girls garage had me drop my pants and teased me to an erection. They thought it was hilarious I was pretty humiliated. A couple times my younger sister was with us. They had me put my penis in her mouth or do things to her like touch her and put my mouth down there.

[name omitted]

My older sisters friend would take me in the forest and show me things and give me blow jobs and things like that... I was in the second-third grade. I had I no idea it was wrong which was awful. The mind is not geared to be sexually active at the young of an age and it has actually caused me quite a few problems psychologically when it come to sex and relationships.

A third grader should not be giggling whenever he hears the word "blow"... The worst part is that I repressed the memory for so long that it caused a lot of issues for me in the long run, including not realizing that there must have been something going on in her home life that was abusive.. The thought of it now makes me feel selfish and horrible knowing I could have said something (she was in 5th-6th grade, also far too young, there had to be foul play).

[name omitted]

When I was 12 my 16 year old step sister and her friends held me down. It started as tickling but then turned and they undressed me. I couldn't break free and they got everything off of me. They kept me held down and commenting on what they saw. Eventually I was able to break free. When my mom and step dad came home they both blew it off as nothing (this was early 1980s - different time). I eventually made a big enough stink that she sent her friends home and grounded her for the weekend. That was it.

[name omitted]

When I was a kid maybe 10? My cousin [M] wanted to play a game of truth or dare with me and my brother. When the first dare came up he dared someone to put their penis in his mouth (or something like that I repressed most of this memory). My brother's dick ended up in his mouth. For probably a decade that this event went completely unreported. My father confronted me when he heard from my uncle that this had happened. The chain went like this:

My brother was molested by my cousin.

My cousin was molested by his brother.

That cousin was molested by a scout leader.

That behavior was simply passed on. One act ended up messing up way more than just the original victim. Children don't fully comprehend what is happening and often think it is normal behavior that is acceptable to repeat. It is crucial to recognize that if a child is doing something like this it is likely that there was an adult molesting a child at some point.

[name omitted] 

A man very close to me, when he was about the same age, in first grade, he went to this sitter who would play a version of Simon says where she would do things to the kids and have the children perform acts on each other. I think some of the worst part of the abuse was the confusion of feeling violated and also guilt at having been forced to do things to others. In most sexual assault there is the confusion and guilt of participation (from my experience anyways...I was raped when I was 20) even if participation was the simple survival response of stopping fighting, but I think for men and boys this is exaggerated because there is the presumption that erections can only happen when a man wants them to. It has taken decades for this man to blame the pedophile who did this to them instead of himself. Some of those kids never recovered. If I knew her name I'd like to publicly humiliate her, and maybe terrorize her for years so she can know some form of the torment she perpetrated on those kids.

[name omitted]

When I was 21 I went out drinking with some friends. I blacked out. I wasn't just drunk, I was unconscious. I dreamed that night that I was having sex with my girlfriend. I never had a wet dream before so when I did it woke me up. It was about 4AM and a woman I didn't know was on me.

I freaked out and asked her to leave.

I felt like I had cheated on my girlfriend and was terrified I caught something. I had nightmares about finding out years later that this woman somehow found me and had a kid and sued me for child support or something.

I still get panic attacks about it sometimes.

[name omitted]

in high school, had this girl that every time she passed me in the hall would grope my crotch.

[name omitted]

Freshman in college we went out as group and I got really drunk. I had a friend that has a bf and if I didn't bring a girl back she would come over and cuddle. Well that night I passed out and didn't remember much from that night. The following day we were all at lunch talking about something and sex came up. Someone asked which one of us has hooked up, out of the group. The girl I was friend with said that we did. I was confused and said no we didn't. She said that when i passed out I was hard so I guess she took that as an invitation to have sex with me. I ask her what she thought I was doing with my eyes closed not responding to anything. So you can technically say she raped me. She felt bad. I guess the big difference is that I didn't really mind that it happened. I was single and I knew this girl well enough that I wasn't worried about STD's.

[name omitted]

My friend had met a really nice girl online, A, who had a single friend, B, so we went on sort of a group date. It was cool, the friend was nice enough, but I wasn't interested. She kept blowing up my phone, and I tried my best to let her down easy.

Weeks later I'm out with some friends at a bar and A and B show up. I ignored B the entire night and talked to a female friend of mine the whole night while drinking heavily.

The band had finished playing, the night was winding down, and more importantly, the girl I had been talking to all night had left. An intoxicated B slid into the stool next to mine and started talking to me. Whatever, we start chatting and she just grabs my crotch. I pushed her hand away and tried to angle myself away from her, but she just reached over and grabbed for it again. I didn't know what to do. I couldn't make a scene because everyone would naturally assume it was ME doing something wrong. I got up and moved away. She followed.

I found my sister. Perfect. I introduce B to my sister thinking I just stopped the problem. Nope. Right in front of my sister, She reaches over and grabs my crotch again. I must have looked panicked, because in my drunken stupor, I watched my sister immediately transform into this hot firey demon of rage. She just starts screaming at this girl to get her hands off of me. The bar staff eventually intervened, and kicked the girl out of the bar.

The shitty thing of it was, they apologized up and down to my sister, but never to me. Either way, I was relieved to be out of that situation and extremely thankful my sister was there. Looking back on it, the feeling of helplessness was really the scary part. Knowing at that time, I physically possessed the means to end it, but he fear of social backlash paralyzed me. Sure I could stop her from groping me, but would that stop some random MMA expert who just hears me in a confrontation with a woman and immediately assumes I'm the instigator from pummeling me into the floorboards?

[name omitted]

Had a girl physically hold me down and say "I can't believe you're saying no." It was very uncomfortable. It didn't go any further than that but I still can't believe she assumed that I wanted to have sex with her.

[name omitted]

A "friend" stopped over, I was taking a shower, when I got out, I was in a towel and she followed me. We were friends and it wasn't that big of a deal, since the was nothing even remotely sexual happening. I sat down to do something and hadn't changed yet and she forced herself on me. I said no many times and she just said "I want it, just do it" repeatedly. I became hard because I was terrified. She then wrapped her arms and legs around me and forced me inside of her. She is a taller girl so it wasn't easy getting her off. I kept saying no, but she started saying she's on birth control don't worry about it... Like that's what I was fucking saying no about. I finally got her off and asked her to leave. Thank god I haven't seen her since.

[name omitted]

I'm a male nurse (RN/BSN) in the USA. When I was in my 20's a lot of older female nurses didn't like me/like working with me. Not all, but enough to make it a trend.

Anyway, this one would go out of her way to give me a hard time/make my life hell. I got picked for a minor supervisor position over her, and she was angry about it. So much so that she sexually assaulted me, on the unit, in front of 2 other nurses.

We had a disagreement about assignments and she flew off the handle. She grabbed me by the balls, twisted, and said "You think you're a big fuck around here! You're nothing but a little prick!"

I pushed her away, and left as I was finished with my shift. I contacted the on-duty supervisor and reported her. The next day I met with my boss, who said she had been contacted by the woman and told that I shoved her for no reason when she merely asked me to change assignments.

The other 2 nurses lied and said they saw/heard nothing (except the shove - they remembered that). My boss (female) took her (the offender's) side. I got no help until I went to HR and threatened to quit and sue.

Ultimately, CCTV tape was reviewed and the truth came out. The offender was fired immediately afterward.

No disciplinary action was taken against my boss for ignoring me or the other nurses who lied when they were visible on the tape standing right there staring.

[name omitted]

My story is that I moved out from living with my mother and stayed with my dad and his at the time girlfriend, and I stayed there for about 4 months until 'it' happened and I had to leave.

I went out with a good friend of mine and we had a few too many drinks, partied a bit, took some stuff it probably wasn't legal to take and by the end of the night I could barely walk, or stand up so I got my friend - who was less drunk than me - to call my dad and have him pick me up.

He drove me to his and I was in a pretty bad state as I slowly sobered up, I kept saying i thought I was going to die and my dad eventually got the story out of me about what happened and he left me with his girlfriend, whilst he went to drive back to where my friend was - presumably to shout at him? I don't know.

That was when she took advantage of me. I struggle to even type it actually, sometimes thinking about it makes me feel pathetic or weak. She was a good looking girl is the thing but she was my dad's girlfriend and there was a girl I actually liked so I didn't want sex, especially not with my dad's girlfriend. But she managed to somehow get me hard, despite the booze, and then she was aggressive, man-handling me, scratching me, and verbally abusive. In all honesty, I was scared. I had had the night from hell and this woman was making it worse, and I was scared my dad would hate me, scared that I couldn't tell anyone after it, and I kept repeating to myself how pathetic I was just taking it like that. I just laid there, with so many thoughts going through my head, and at one point I cried - though I think she thought it was from drinking too much.

what happened afterwards was that she told my dad I raped her, and to cut a long story short, eventually he relented and admitted he didn't believe I had done that to her - and when I has mentioned it was actually HER who was the rapist, he basically didn't believe me and just said that 'you can just say you two slept together, you don't need to make up ridiculous lies'.I basically cut ties with him for a bit after that because he steadfastly refused to believe I - a male - could be forced into sex.

This is a super long text dump, so I'll probably stop here. Even if no one reads it, it feels mildly therapeutic being able to speak frankly as honestly about it

[name omitted]

I was at a party and had quite a few to drink. There was a girl there that I had seen before and thought was very attractive. On this particular night, I noticed that she was looking at me a lot and I was drunk so why not talk to her. After a little while she invited me to the bathroom and I went with her.

She asked me to leave the lights off and started going down on me. I noticed something was off and turned on the light to find her and a man giving me a blow job. I freaked out and pushed them both away and left the bathroom. The man then tried to push it off on me by acting like a victim and saying he's tired of everyone using him as their experiment. I had no desire for this to happen and had never communicated anything like that to him.

It basically turns out that he asked her to flirt with me and offer me a BJ and he snuck into the bathroom behind us to join in, thinking I would be totally OK with this for some reason. I never reported it because I was a teenager (18) and didn't know how to handle the situation.

I'm mostly over it at this point, but I still think about it and get a little freaked out.

[name omitted]

When I was 21 I was raped by the girl who was my girlfriend at the time. We had been together for almost a year and half and she had been living with me for 5 months before she raped me. We did not argue much but when we did argue it was about me not buying something for her.

I supported her for 5 months while she did not have a job, and I was able to do so but I wasn't able to afford $11 dollar boxes of organic oats or designer hand bags, shoes, dinners out weekly, etc. I often found myself putting my foot down and not spending on unnecessary expenses.

Slowly over time her resistance to my resistance grew and I figured out after that she was hoping to get me angry because she was into getting me riled up and then seducing me because we always had passionate make up sex. Anyways, she started to ask for more. Not just more things like clothes, health products, misc items but also more things in bed.

For a long time (3 months maybe) she tried to convince me to let her finger me while she gave me a blow job or while we had sex. I stuck to my guns for a really long time but eventually I was manipulated into allowing her to try it once. I was constantly told how selfish I was, things of that nature that led me to let her. She did it and I didn't like it. I told her how it wasn't for me and how I wasn't comfortable with it. She told me she understood and that she was happy that I tried.

Over the next couple months she started to do it while I slept. I would wake up and she would be doing it while she blew me. Sometimes I woke up partially and was too tired to do anything about it but when I did wake up I made her stop every time. I would get very mad at her and not talk to her the next day. She would then get mad at me and redirect the blame and convince me that I was wrong. I ended up apologizing to her every time. I grew to accept it. Even though I didn't like it I knew that if I said anything or complained about it that she would throw such a fit that made my brain start to rot from stress that it wasn't worth me putting up a fight. Luckily she started to lose interest in doing it after a while after I stopped caring about it. In the short term it was good for me, but in the long run it was bad.

The worst day of my life was when she decided to tie me up. She told me all the dirty things she was going to do to me while she kissed my neck and whispered into my ear as she tied my arms and legs down to the bed. Everything she said she was going to do was normal to me (suck me, ride me) so I let her tie me up. After I was tied up she asked me to try to break free and offered a reward to me if I could. She said she would be back and if I wasn't free then I would miss out on the reward.

She came back and stood at the door and stared at me. She then told me how I wasn't going to be rewarded because I couldn't get out. She then told me she was going to punish me. Long story short, she ended up sodomizing me with her vibrator. I must have said no a thousand times. I was crying, and begging her to stop which in hindsight probably made it worse. I was anally fucked, then she tried to ride me but I couldn't even get up. I was so broken emotionally and in pain physically. She then got very mad that I couldn't get it up which was never a problem. I was beaten for a while. Then the vibrator again while being hit. It lasted about 6 or 7 hours but felt like it was a dozen. For a while she just left it in me while she went in the other room to watch tv. It was mid day when she tied me up and had been dark for a few hours after it was over. I ended up falling asleep tied up. I think I just passed out more from exhaustion of trying to break free/get her to stop. I woke up and I was untied in bed by myself. Memories of the night before started to come back to me. I managed to get up and stumble to the bathroom and noticed her making breakfast. It felt like I had to go but it hurt too much to continue to try. I walked back out of the bathroom and she was all smiles. It triggered the memory of her smirk that she had while I cried in pain while I was tied up.

I didn't say a word to her. Just sat down on the couch. She came over and was acting like everything was fine. She ended up making some kind of "what's wrong? why are you so upset about it?" comment and I snapped. I exclaimed my feelings, told her how awful she was, and I broke up with her. Cue her rage rampage. I was hit, slapped, punched, scratched at, had plates/glasses thrown at me, the fan, laundry, clothes, the tv remote, literally anything that was not bolted down. All I could do was try to separate myself from her in my tiny apartment while I dodged punches and thrown items. I knew that I couldn't hit back. And I am glad I didn't. I ended up calling the police which was the best decision I had ever made. The second I called them she calmed down and started to behave. They got there pretty quickly. Of course once they were there she played the damsel in distress and claimed that I was beating her up and choking her etc. I told the cop everything that happened which was embarrassing but worth it. They arrested her and she was jailed. I was questioned extensively and given many speeches about "if you are lying about this". Eventually I was sent to the hospital to be checked out/have a rape kit performed.

Fast forward to a couple weeks after that, I got the F out of there. I moved and got a lawyer. She was forced out of my apartment when I called the cops because she did not pay any rent and we weren't married so I was safe there but I didn't feel entirely safe there knowing that she might try to contact me again. Because she was not from my city I got a restraining order that kept her out of state. I had the option to press charges but ended up choosing not to after consulting with my lawyer.

He explained to me that many people seek to press charges as a means of trying to solve their problems and that mostly it doesn't fix the problem you have and it demoralizes you because you have to talk about what happened in front of a judge, other lawyers and worst of all her. I decided that if she ended up spending years in jail it wouldn't change how safe I felt or my emotional state. I felt safe enough having a restraining order and was happy to not ever tell anyone about what happened ever again or even mention it.

Being raped has ruined my life for the time being.

When I was raped I was half way through my undergraduate degree. A year and a half later and I'm no closer to finishing it than I was despite continuing to attend school. I still have about 40% of my degree to complete. I should have already graduated. I no longer feel comfortable with anything that restrains you. Roller coasters, the little loop attached to a camera that you put around your wrist, even seat belts. I put up with the seat belt though and I'm getting used to it again.

I haven't had sex since I was raped. I've tried with three different women. Two were random hook ups, one of them I started to cry and just got dressed and left my own apartment. I told her she could stay the night and didn't return to my place until 4pm the next day. The other one I lied and said I just wasn't feeling great and "fell asleep". The third woman I tried to have sex with my latest ex girlfriend. We had been dating for a couple months and decided to hold off on sex (her decision which I was happy with). When we started to try I couldn't get it up. Anyway, that ruined that relationship pretty quickly because she felt she wasn't good enough for me or pretty enough. We ended up mutually breaking up and I didn't tell what happened to me until after we broke up. I have mostly good days now, but still have bad streaks. Therapy was helpful for the first 4 months or so but started to lose it's value to me when I started to block all my thoughts and feeling towards everything and saved it up for that one hour time block every tuesday.

Being raped by a girl doesn't seem like it is possible and our society makes it out to be something that is not a bad thing which is wrong. "Men don't get raped" and "men can't get raped" are what I hear most often. Even something as innocent as "I was raped by that test" is enough to trigger memories for me. Things I enjoyed before are less interesting, I don't care about as much as I used to and I generally hate all forms of contact aside from the howie mandel fist bump or a high five.

My wounds are still fresh and while I am getting better it is taking time. A lot of time. I don't know when I'll be back to myself or if I'll ever be the same but I plan on trying to move on like I have been doing for the last year and a bit. I hope that one day I can help other people who have been in the same situation as me by raising funds or starting some type of organization that pairs therapists with youth who can't afford therapy and give it to them for free. I don't see that happening for a long time, but when I can give back this is what I will give to.

[name omitted]

When I was 10 this neighbor girl who was 17/18 would drop by to swim in our pool on hot summer days. A few times she would say that we should play a game called "nude show" where we would show each other our genitals and she would touch mine until I got an erection. It didn't feel bad at the time and I had no knowledge of what sex was at the time so I didn't think much of it and thought it was some great thing that nobody knew about. One time she got me hard and wanted to experiment with anal so I put it in her ass and started having sex with her. I remember an adult came out in the back so we stopped and quickly put clothes on but I remember being so afraid that somebody was going to find out what happened that day where every phone call made me panic for years. Now looking back at it, she fully knew what was going on and molested me.

[name omitted]

When I was in my early 20's I moved to a big city. Ended up moving in with this (seemingly) nice older woman, in her 50's. We talked a lot, and she would cook for me sometimes. I had a gut feeling that something wasn't right, but she seemed so nice. Turns out that she was drugging the food and molesting me, went on for two months until one morning I woke up with one of her hairs coiled around the tip of my penis (I'm not circumcised). I moved out immediately and went to the police. They literally laughed at me and said that a woman can't do that to a man. Took years of therapy to open up to a physical relationship with anybody.

[name omitted]

Freshman in college end of school year, get drunk with some friends to celebrate, after one to many shots of jose Cuervo I asked this girl whom house I was at if I could crash somewhere, she was a bigger girl whom i had no interest in any sexual relations with. She takes me up to her room and leaves so I figured we would share the bed or whatever. I wake up 30-40 minutes later with a big weight on me. She is riding me and i can't stand up i ended up punching her square in the face and getting out of there.

[name omitted]

My friends and I went down to beach week right after high school graduation, basically all the high school kids get houses and hotels at a large tourist beach area and hang out and drink all week. So I had gotten my own house but decided to drink one night and stay out and crash at a buddies that was closer once we were all done.

I ended up not knowing my limits as a dumb high school kid and got black out drunk to the point I remember only tiny slivers of bits and pieces of the night. What I do remember is N, the name I refer to as my rapist, wasn't drinking at all and when we got back to my buddies house, me throwing up in the toilet and her rubbing my hair while I was vomiting. I then remember passing out on the couch downstairs, N had her own bedroom at this place upstairs.

I woke up the next morning crazy sticky and sweaty in a twin bed with N. A condom still half way on my flaccid penis and absolutely no memory of how I arrived at this place. So I get up without waking her up and go shower immediately and go downstairs to talk to another dude who crashed on the couch next to me that night who was fairly sober. Apparently what happened was N came downstairs and asked if I wanted some water and then told me to come upstairs with her to get it. Couch buddy told me he then heard me halfheartedly arguing that I wanted to go back to sleep downstairs and that I ended up basically yelling, "No, I don't wanna go to your bedroom!" After that he said it was quiet and he didn't know what was going on so he went to sleep. I also found out that N had gone to the guy who had rented this place out and asked for condoms and apparently told him what was going on and he just gave her the condoms.

So after finding all of this out and N still being asleep, I didn't know how to react to any of them after I was raped and they were all fully aware of what was going on and took no actions to stop it at all. So I called up another friend who picked me up in about a half hour and went back to my place and basically didn't leave the bedroom I was in for the next two days, in a combination of terribly hangover and confusion on how to feel about this. I just decided to never talk to any of them again and not really bother addressing it.

Couch buddy called me about a week later asking how I was doing and what not. There was no fallout for N when she woke up and everyone there was kinda of the mindset that "eh, He got laid, granted not by someone he wanted but he still got laid by an okay looking girl." The only one who thought the situation was fucked up was couch buddy. I refused to talk to anyone besides couch buddy who was there after that.

The long term affects, this was 7 years ago now, I still won't drink to get anything beyond a heavy buzz because I associate anything more as a complete feeling of helplessness and powerlessness, which I never had before this incident. I immediately develop whiskey dick any time I even taste alcohol, again never had a problem before. Finally lost a good group of friends because I wouldn't see the "Bright Side" that I had gotten laid.

I ended up seeing her again about 4 years later on a college campus when I was visiting a mutual friend, I had no idea she was coming over and he didn't either, as he knew our history, but she heard I was up there through the grapevine and decided it would be a good time to try and patch things up. As soon as she walked in, I got up, went to the closest door, walked in, and shut it behind me. After about thirty seconds N said, "Hey, you know that's a closet right?" I responded yep and just stayed in there til she left. So yep that's basically that story.

[name omitted]

When I was 22 I passed out after taking a Xanax at a friends house

He, his wife and their friends went to the strip club.

They were in an open marriage but I guess got into an argument because he was going to fuck a girl she didn't like.

I woke up to her dragging me into her room and taking off my clothes telling me "he would be sorry" (I had been "off limits" to her because I was his friend)

I couldn't move for awhile, both from the drugs and the shock. I finally was able to push her off and run to another room.

It's really fucked up my relationships since then.

I don't feel worth while to be around or that anyone cares that I exist

I tried to talk to my family but no one responds.

I told my mom and she never said another word about it.

Sucks. I feel like somehow I'm the bad guy.

Depression and since than I had a stroke and went half blind.

My life sucks.

[name omitted]

When I was 16 I was invited to a friends for some drinking. I thought it sounded like fun, I've never had a drink before so why not. When I get there It's just me. I'm still game, I love hanging out with this friend. She's like my best friend. The whole time I'm there she's feeding me drinks. I thought nothing of it at the time. Well things go on for a while and I find myself too drunk to physically resist anything. I still tried to say something but it didn't help. It really fucked with my head. It's been years and I still have issues getting close or being vulnerable in front of people. I mean thats my best friend how can they do something like that. At the time I wasn't even sexually active. After that it was years until I could be intimate with another person. Until now only I've only told 2 other people: my father and my girlfriend.

[name omitted]

Babysitter forced me to eat her out.

On my 19th birthday after many birthday shots I tried to stumble home and a fat chick picked me up and threw me into a cab and took me to her place where she proceeded to have her way with me.

At a bar I had my groin and ass fondled by a woman while I was at the bar buying a drink for my girlfriend at the time... I turned and told her to "fuck off" she goes and says something to the bouncers and I am told to leave.

I keep that shit to myself because people just laugh and go "ahahaha.. you wanted it"

[name omitted]

Was raised by a single mother and we had a lot of european au pairs live with us while they went to school in the USA.

One of the earlier ones would have me eat her out, but I had no idea what was going on. Eventually one day I brought it up like it was nothing in front of my mom, because I thought it was nothing. The au pair soon disappeared and I had no idea what happened was wrong for a few years.

I think this started when I was about 10 (maybe earlier?), and by the time I was 13 I would just walk to and from school and go unsupervised, generally taking care of myself most the day. I don't think she wanted to take another risk, but we never spoke about it.

[name omitted]

A co-worker was getting married and I was invited to his bachelor party, it was in a town about 30 miles away so we took two cars loaded up with guys and off we went to a strip club. I'd been to this place one other time and knew it sucked, but they had pool tables and low alcohol 3.2% beer (this was in Kansas) so I figured it would be fine. I didn't drive. It was December and cold out.

I'm playing pool while these other guys are up by the stage watching the slag looking stripper. The waitress comes over and asks if I want another pitcher of their swill. Sure, I've got nothing else to do. She returns with my beer, comes over to me, and just sticks her tongue in my ear, slathering it around, and then "purrs" ugghh "Come upstairs with me, I'll give you a blowjob, on the house."

"No, um, I'm married and I'm fine, thanks for the offer though."

"You can't seriously be turning down a blowjob?"

"I told you I'm not into it, thanks for the beer."

Also, she was not attractive. Not that it would have mattered but yuk! She stalks off and a couple minutes later two bouncers come over to me and physically toss me out the back door so fast it made my head spin. The back door locked, nobody in my group saw this. It's like 15 degrees F outside, it's just gotten dark, and my coat is on a chair inside. I run back to the front and attempt to go back in but the bouncers won't let me. I'm jumping up and down yelling and they have apparently cranked the music up and nobody can hear me inside. One of the bouncers pulls a knife out and says "Leave now while you can."

I can't go sit in a car, my car wasn't there and the two we came in are locked. This was in the late 80's, nobody had cell phones. I walked two miserable miles to a convenience store, call my wife up, and ask her to call this place and page my co-worker, say it's an emergency. A few minutes later my co-worker and a friend show up with my jacket and I convince them to leave, we go back and get everyone and leave. Turns out the waitress was the daughter of the owner and she did that shit all the time.

[name omitted]

I was at a wedding with my then-fiance, now-wife on the dance floor, when I felt a slap on my ass. I turned around to see a woman I don't know smiling and eyeing me and gave her a similar response of "don't fucking touch me." My wife didn't believe me for quite some time, and it makes me sick to my stomach to this day. It wasn't emotionally scarring like a lot of the other stories here, but it certainly gave me a more profound sense of empathy for victims of unwanted sexual advances and worse.

[name omitted]

My mother molested me from age 7maybe earlier can't rightly tell) to 12 when I moved out.

It started with just motherly stuff then got worse as time went on.

She made me have sex with her 6 months after the abuse started.

She used to tell me this is punishment for my dad leaving her.

It took a long time to figure out something wasn't normal. I was also being mentally and physically abused by her as well.

I have zero contact with her now and the statute of limitations have come and gone by now (27 right now).

[name omitted]

Big girl I worked with got drunk at the bars so I gave her a ride home. I helped her up the stairs (3 stories in heels = death) and was putting her sloppy drunk ass to bed. She pulled me onto her bed and pinned me under her while she groped/tried to kiss me/tried to rip my pants off for a good while. I protested but could not do much for fear I would piss her off/leave a mark so she could cry rape. After about an hour she relented and I went home. 

[name omitted]

In high school I had these girls always grope at my crotch and grab my dick on the bus to and from school. Eventually one stopped but the other kept doing it and I didn't feel like I could say "Stop" because I'm a guy and I'm supposed to want that.

And recently, I've been getting memories of when I was 3(maybe even 2) when a babysitter bought her boyfriend over a few times. I distinctly have one memory of me lying down on his lap with my pants down and him touching my crotch and even once inserting into my butt. I don't know if my babysitter had been involved or not, but unfortunately, I'm still having trouble trying to get over it because people just laugh at the high school stories and say "Wow, you're lucky" and I can't gain the courage to tell family or friends about the babysitter boyfriend stories and also don't want them to pursue it and make it come out to light for the rest of my family and friends to find out about. But it's one of the reasons I think I'm afraid to pursue girls and one of the reasons I broke up with my ex girlfriend. I think I started to be afraid of something, but I don't know what.

Rape, sexual harassment, assault, abuse isn't something that should happen to anyone.  my babysitter had to have known. I consider her part of the guilty party which is why I decided to post this. It's the first time I've ever told anyone about it. I considered making a throwaway but I don't want those occurrences to run my life any more than they may have already.

[name omitted]

A girl in my dorm during freshman year came to our room to hang out. We didn't really invite her, we just always had our door open and she stopped by to chat. After chatting for awhile we threw in a movie and she came back up with brownies and punch. I thought the brownies might be special so I left them alone and the punch didn't smell of alcohol so I had some. Turns out she roofied the punch. I only had a little but I could feel it starting to kick my ass. My roommates were either gone or had left to meet their girlfriends at that point and so she proceeded to get me into my bed and blow me while I tried to remember how to say words. Everything was in and out of focus and I felt hammered. I squirmed while she was then attempting to push her body into my mouth before I was able to force her off my bed. It was raised a few feet off the ground so she had a short fall and I think it jarred her enough to where she realized she needed to leave. Never talked to her again except a few times when she drunk texted me.

The lines that still bounce around in my head in the quiet hours of the night:

"I will take care of you and then I will let you take care of me"

"This isn't personal, just two people getting each other off"

"I knew you would resist the first time so the pills are to help you realize how much you will enjoy it"

Never told anyone, never will outside of this.

It slowed me down for a bit and I got lost in a lot of pot and booze. All good today though for the most part. I have emotionally detached myself from that memory and moved on.

[name omitted]

When i was 19 i went to a party after going clubbing with friends, we were really rather drunk. when we got to the afterparty we started drinking heavy because it was free alcohol. i am almost certain i took some other drug there, but unsure what it was because the night is really not clear other than a few moments that are burned and scarred into my memory. after talking with other people for awhile i managed to walk into a hallway looking for my friends i came with, i was pulled into a room and pushed onto a mattress/cushion by a female acquaintance, she ripped my shirt off and pulled down my pants. a male friend of hers turned up moments later and closed the door. i drifted in and out of consciousness while she sat ontop of me (im unsure if i hit my head on something hard when she pushed me) not allowing me to leave even after attempting to get up and saying "i got to go"

both of them did things to me.

im still depressed and have been unable to form any relationship to this day, been near the verge of suicide a few times. ive never told anyone what really happened to me that night it wasnt that long ago, im younger than 25

[name omitted]

I split up with the mother of my kid when she was 3 years. She only allowed me to see my kid at her place and only if i would have sex with her afterwards. Went for some time till she lost interest.

[name omitted]

I was at a graduation party getting ready to go to graduate school. I drank, we all drank. I drank too much and got sick and went into one of the side rooms to lay down. I woke up to a girl holding my hand against her crotch so that a finger was inside of her. Her hand was on my penis (she had pulled them down). She smiled and when I realized what was going on I turned away and went back to sleep.

She acted like nothing happened. I'm not sure what I think. With all the hypersensitivity around this issue I feel like I should be horrified but I'm not.

[name omitted]

This one is going to sound very mild compared to the other experiences here, but it happened during an already screwed up time.

I was in a church class for Confirmation, so this was during puberty. To be frank, apart from one guy, everyone there disliked me at least a bit, and that isn't just due to bullying: I was a weird fucking kid. To the pastor, I was mostly invisible, not saying much but not making trouble either.

Well, there were two girls from my school in this class, and while they didn't find much opportunity to bully me in school, they took this class as the time for that. One meeting, I had to sit next to one of them. Out of nowhere, she started whispering cheesy declarations of infatiuation into my ear and put a hand on my thigh. I also felt a leg slide against mine, but I'm not sure if that was hers or that of her friend, who was darkly giggling about what was happening every once in a while.

I told them to knock it off, but that just made them quietly laugh. Her hand slid slowly up my thigh while she whispered that she wanted me. I was both painfully hard and completely hated everything about the situation. I didn't want to be there, and I am sure my face must have been red hot with embarrasement. I tried scooting over to tze other side, but soon ran out of space, knocking into the guy left of me. She continued up and started rubbing, well, there. I wanted to sink into the ground, to be struck by a meteor, anything to get away. I knew I couldn't tell the pastor - if a puberty-plagued boy claims he was being touched by a girl and two girls claim that he is the one doing the inappropriate touching, well I knew who'd catch the heat from the pastor. So I just endured it until, an eternity later, we were allowed to leave.

The two of them continued the bullying, but I think at least the girl doing the touching eventually understood what she had done. She later tried to befriend me, but obviously I wasn't open to that.

[name omitted]

I have been sexually assaulted three times.

The first time it was a priest that was watching me while I was sick. Because that's out of the scope of the question, I won't elaborate.

The second time was in 5th grade. I don't want to go into too much detail because a few of my friends are Redditors, but suffice it to say, the teacher from the adjacent class room began to rub my face and tell me how handsome I was. She began to move her hand down and began rubbing in ... other areas. I was aroused and confused all at the same time. I am now a young adult and have only recently told people about this. As far as I know, she is still a teacher.

The third time, I was a senior in high school and got drunk at a girl's party. I had a girlfriend at the time who was older and in college. As the night was coming to a conclusion, I found a place to crash (as my friends were hooking up with each other and the like). I woke up around 4:30 with a girl's hand down my pants. She was doing stuff and trying to get me to have sex with her. I told a few of my friends about it. They didn't say much.

Over all, it really hasn't effected my life all that much. Don't get me wrong, I think it's fucked up that all of that happened - especially with regards to 1 and 2 because of their age and position. I find it annoying that sexual assault is always in the context of men being the predator given my experiences. Because of the utter absence of any meaningful dialogue from parents, teachers, etc on the subject, I think most guys just don't talk about it and if we do then other men don't know how to respond. It's weird.

This is in no way counting the dozens of times women have grabbed my ass or cock in bars and other social settings without my consent. Nor does it include the times where women have started trying to make out with me out of no where. This stuff happens A LOT more than people realize/talk about.

[name omitted]

I was 17 and had stopped by a friend of a friends house. I knew her well enough to feel ok hanging out with her, plus her parents were never home so at the time I thought that was cool. We watched tv for a while in her room before she started showing me stuff in her room. Every time she'd go to get something she'd crawl over me across the bed to get it. After a few passes, being 17, having an attractive girl on top of me, and being alone with her caused me to become aroused. She noticed and began to rub her hands on my crotch. I had a girlfriend at the time so I pushed her away and slid down onto the floor. She became more forceful, sat on my lap, told me I obviously wanted her. I tried to push her off and she fought back, had better leverage and pushed me to the floor. I told her to get off me, I didn't want to cheat on my girlfriend and that I was going to leave. She leaned down and pressed her lips against mine, then told me that if I left without fucking her she would just tell everyone we did anyways, but if I just did what she wanted she'd let me go. She took my pants off and started to put my dick inside her. I tried again to push her off but she slapped me, pushed me back down and forced herself down on my dick. She rode me for a while, got herself off then finally got off me. I went home, barely ever talked to her again and never really told anyone.

It was upsetting but I don't think it ever effected me like it does other men. I still had plenty of sexual escapades as I grew up, got married, have two kids.

I don't know what happened to that girl.

[name omitted]

Had been flirting with a girl who a month or so before had broken with her boyfriend (whom I did not know). We were both part of a group of friends and one night the group went out for drinks. She was uncharacteristically aggressive in her flirting this night and I realised her ex was in the same bar as us (a friend pointed him out to me).

The fact that she changed behaviour because of his presence meant to me that she was not at all over him and I didn't like the way she made a big show out of the attention she directed at me (it was clearly less for my sake than the ex'). So when she told me we were leaving so we could go back to her apartment and have sex, I declined. She then got extremely angry and slapped me. She followed it up with a mixture of verbal stick and carrot and a few more attempts at slapping me (I was prepared so I caught the hands in the air as they moved towards me).

Was not a pleasant experience.

Just wanted to add that what I consider minor things like catcalling and groping is something I have experienced on several occasions too. I don't really let that phase me since I just choose to see it as a misguided attempt at getting attention/flattery from socially aggressive women. But I guess it could fall into the category of sexual harassment.

[name omitted]

When I was about 7 or 8, my dad married another woman. They married in our original country and then while waiting for her visa to come through, he had me visit her.

It started out small, just having me touch her or she wouldn't let me play with my toys. It eventually turned into her having me lay on top of her with both of us naked. I didn't understand what was going on. I just knew that it felt weird. I'd pray during the day that it wouldn't happen. I stopped believing in religion when I figured out what had happened.

How has it affected me? I went through life balling any kind of emotion up and hiding them away. I'd feel ashamed at the weirdest things. I had a lack of empathy for most any situation. And... the strangest of all is that whenever I see a transformer, I get this panic sensation (my toys were transformers).

I thought everything was fine and I was just going through life. A little angrier than I should have been. A little more high strung than I should have been. Eventually I found alcohol. And after a string of events, everything spiraled out of control. I had started going to therapy and a psychiatrist because I guess I had reached a point where my brain could no longer just hide things away. And then I attempted suicide on my antidepressants, sleeping pills and xanax and a bottle of whiskey. That was earlier this year.

Long story short. I'm 33 now, and I'm now on 2 antidepressants, require trazodone to sleep, and regularly take benzos because of debilitating panic attacks. I still breakdown in my therapists office whenever we attempt to talk about my childhood. But at least I'm confronting it now, and trying to live 'normally', whatever that means.

[name omitted]

I have a few.

When I was 8 or so I was dropped off at the babysitter's all day. She didn't pay much attention, more interested in her soap operas and such.

Her son was a can-do-no-wrong type of son in her eyes. But he was an evil kid. He was older, mid-teens

This may be disjointed. Apologies. '

The son would get me alone in the parents bedroom and have me sit on the bed, show me his fathers adult magazines. Then try to take my clothes off. The first time it happened I tried to leave, and he told me he'd tell his parents that I was going through their stuff and playing with those magazines and that he found me doing it.

I froze. The father scared the crap out of me. The reaction mine would have scared me more.

He had his way after that. I was just frozen solid. Which pissed him off, so he started hitting and choking me.

He threw me down the stairs when he was done. To cover up the damage, I suppose.

This continued for about 2 years. Locked in closets, thrown down stairs, locked in a dark basement. Fondled, touched, raped, made to blow the fucker. Mother off gossiping with the neighbors, or watching her goddamned soap operas.

Parents never noticed. Latch-key kid and all that. Those bruises? Eh, I fell. I'm walking funny? Oh, I fell. I'm quiet? Oh, I don't feel well. Do I want to sleep over? No. Oh, we think it'd be nice. You don't have many friends and he seems like a really nice boy. Mom, I really don't want to sleep over. What are those bruises on your neck? We were wrestling. The kid down the street taught us how to box today.

Parents get notified I'm acting odd in school. Fighting a lot, etc. Go for therapy., I'm not telling anyone anything. Just not happening. But I am angry. And I keep freezing whenever that creep comes near me. I don't fight back? WTF? Why am I not standing upon for myself?

We finally moved and things got a bit better for a bit. I was pretty screwed up after that. It's more or less permanent.

New neighbor moves in. Son is an odd duck, but he tries to be friends with me, and I figure I'm not usually friendly anymore. Then the touching starts. The dropping of the pants. The "experimenting" The groping, etc.

Froze again.

Then someone sees us in the woods doing this. And yells he's going to tell my father. Part of me hopes so, and part of me is terrified.

Father is trying the kick-the-crap-out-of-the-kid method of corrective love for my anger and acting out. Like I'm going to tell someone like that what's going on, why I'm wetting the bed all the time, why I scream out at night, and hate to be hugged or touched. Why I'm not normal. Why I shake and prefer books to people. Why I can't stand crowds, and want to stay in my cave/room all the time. Why you can't close me in places and I hate feeling boxed in.

This isn't me. This is someone else.

He keeps at it, and to my eternal shame and guilt, I let him. He tries something with my sister. This is enough for me to go after him. I may be a guilt and shame-ridden coward, but he will not harm my family. Eventually we move again. I start carrying knives all the time. I vow it won't happen again.

I'm a young male. I get erections all the time with no rhyme or reason. I stand up from reading at the couch as the family is going somewhere and try to delay going out to the car. Father wants to leave that moment. I try covering my front with a book. He pulls it away and laughs, then slaps my erection through my pants and says you'll get control of it one day. I'm in a state of righteous rage and mortified fear.

I am groped in school while being bullied by a group of particularly nasty assholes. They think it's funny, I freak out and tell the principal I will sue for sexual harassment. To their credit, they stopped it that day.

Early twenties a young woman has her hands all over me and I am very uncomfortable. I tell her I am not interested in anything and think that's all settled. I drink in another room with some friends. Black out and wake up a few hours later all disheveled, to friends telling me she had gotten my clothes off and was trying to fuck me on the couch when they went out for a smoke. She works fast. They stopped her. I screamed at her to stay the fuck away from me the next time I saw her.

So many things happen in the years in between this and the next incident, but none of them sexual, all of them damaging. Five attempts at suicide. Four hospitalizations. Bankruptcy, nightmares that never stop. Insomnia that never releases me. PTSD, behavioral problems, medication changes, fights, etc.

I'm in a Neurologist's office, having a very hard time coping with the fact that I'm very sick at a relatively young age, and being given hell by my employer for trying to get treated.

I'm being given the nerve conduction test. While some of the shocks are happening in my hand, The Neurologist brushes my crotch. I am laying on my back for the test. I figure it's innocent and accidental, but I'm uncomfortable. Test continues. Now I'm being groped and it's not an accident. I freeze. I have three knives on me and I freeze. Pressure increases, and I'm just starting to hyperventilate. The pain from the test isn't helping either.

It doesn't go any farther for some reason. I just want out of there. The needles are pulled out, I don't remember anything he says to me, I barely acknowledge the staff as I run out and have a full blown breakdown in the car. I drive home in a blur.

I lost my job, ended up hospitalized for weeks. I had gone home, drank until I blacked out and my wife found me covered in blood with hundreds of cuts on my body.

.....

It goddamned sucks.

I am currently bankrupt, in recovery for alcohol, eating disorders, body image, etc., unbelievably neurotic and completely fucked up.

So here's to you, pedophiles and rapists of the world. May you all die agonizing deaths.

And thank you, autocorrect, for actually making me chuckle by correcting "fuck" to "duck" constantly as I recount my numerous horrors in life.

[name omitted]

I met up with a girl. I did not want sex, I just wanted to hang out but she pestered me and climbed ontop of me until she realized 'you actually don't want it'. Makes me wonder what would of happened if the genders were flipped. Bonus story, a guy once sat next to me on a bus at 6AM and told me 'he wants to take me to a gay bar'. He then described the various sexual acts he would like to do in explicit detail and tried to kiss and grope me until i pushed him away. Still freaks me out to this day. I was actually in shock.

[name omitted]

Once i was drinking down in Florida with my girlfriend. We were walking down the main road and she had to go to the bathroom, we went into a random bar, happened to be a gay bar. She went to the bathroom and while i was waiting a guy probably mid 30s came up behind me and started kissing my ear, i turned around shoved him into the table behind us, he fell, i got kicked out, because what could be considered molesting happened within a gay community and they took the gay guys side

[name omitted]

I was "raped" about 3 years ago by a friend of mine. We were all out at a bar, and I was flirting with a girl (who was a friend of the girl that raped me) that I knew wanted to hook up with me. We all ended up getting pretty drunk, and going back to my buddies house who lived close by. Me and the girl I was talking to all night went upstairs, and started fooling around when my other friend busted in the room and just started watching. I told her to go away, and she told me I should go sleep on the couch because that was where she was going to sleep. I ignored her and continued making out with her friend. About 30 seconds later while I was making out with her friend she started sucking my dick. I was drunk and on my back, and enjoying the other friend's company, but told her to stop and get away from me. She and her friend started laughing. She then told me again to go downstairs because that's where she was sleeping. Her friend then started sucking dick and told me to relax. It felt pretty awesome. Then her friend pulled down her pants and sat on my face. I was doing my thing when out of no where the other girl sat on my dick (without a condom) and started grinding me. I freaked out threw her off me, and went downstairs to sleep on the couch. I wouldn't exactly call it rape because I didn't feel emotionally scarred or anything, but I was really pissed off the next day, and feel uncomfortable seeing or hanging out with this girl to this day. Worst part is they told my friends about it, and it is something people joke about. Apparently she has done somethign similar to another friend of mine where he got really drunk, she took him home, and he was filled with regret the next day.

[name omitted]

Nothing too bad but this does stick in my memory... A friend of mine was on again, off again involved with this really really crazy girl. It was the summer after high school, and they were having a party at her house.

Basically, she got drunk and tried to straddle me and sit on me and was undoing my pants. I didn't want any of it at all because a) she was involved with my friend so it would've been bad and b) I didn't want it anyway. So I told her to stop and struggled for a bit (it's kind of hard if you're lying flat on the ground) but she wouldn't listen. Eventually I pushed her off me and got up and kind of left the situation.

I'm not like scarred for life because of it or anything, but it's interesting how everyone I've mentioned this to has brushed it off, laughed about it, etc. I feel like as a man I'm conditioned to not think it's a big deal either.

[name omitted]

I was raped by a girl I somewhat knew when I was a freshman in college.

Me and a few friends were at a somewhat large party, at least for the college we go to (all-in-all about 50 people were at the party). Their were 4 of us in out group I'll call them A,B,C, and cold (cold is me). A few hours after the party started everyone was very intoxicated because we were all freshmen and didn't know how to drink responsibly (see theres a moral to this story too!). Anyway, A, my best friend (who is a boy) is chatting up B (who is a very attractive girl) and I know he likes her so I decide to wingman him (because thats what bros do), even though I know B likes him too (high school relationship stuff creeps into college too, who knew?). This means that I end up talking to C (who is overweight but isn't like super obese) when I'm not talking A up to B. To me, even drunk, I can clearly feel that C is interested in me, but I dropped subtle hints to tell her that I wasn't interested (e.g. "look at my phone background of my girlfriend and I", "Oh you like this shirt? It's my girlfriends favorite too.", and "Sorry, but I have a girlfriend"). Eventually, B notices that I'm uncomfortable and tells C something along the lines "Hey C, cold has a very cutegirlfriend that wouldn't appreciate this type of attention" (Obviously, she said nothing that intelligent because she was very drunk at this point) and C backs off and starts talking to some other dudes. She glances at me every once in a while, but I ignore her and talk to some other dudes about what pokemon generation was the best (Gen. 2, btw) or something stupid like that. About 30 minutes later A and B decide to go back to B's dorm room to have some sexy time stuff. C can't stay because well... her roommate is being penetrated to put it lightly. So I offer A's bed to sleep in for the night and she gladly accepts.

When we get to the dorm room I show her A's bed and say "you can sleep here tonight." I go to the communal bathroom to take out contacts and brush, but when I get back C is laying in my bed on her side (I think it was supposed to be sexy, but I am only attracted to other humans, not whales.) I just shrug and get into A's bed and roll over so i don't have to see her. After about 5 minutes or so I was almost asleep she starts to crawl into the bed i'm in. i freak out and tell that I have a girlfriend and she says and I quote "She doesn't have to find out" I freakout and somehow manage to get over her and get out of bed. When I stand upright after falling to the ground she pushes me. hard. I drunkenly stumble and hit my head on a pile of books and start bleeding. She pushed me against the floor and stradles me i kept telling her to get off and that I didn't want but, she unzips my pants and forces me inside of her. That was the worst part honestly. I was able to get an erection even though I was completely unwilling. I don't remember much after that really I don't know if I just chose not to remember it or if My brain just repressed it. I woke up the next morning with my head in A's lap and a bandage around my head. But the worst feeling was my tailbone ( I later found out it was broken). A was freaking out asking what happened and I told him the entire story. By the end both of us were hugging and crying and he kept on saying it was his fault because he made me stay to wingman B with him and I told him "No, its my fault I led her on" A then looked me in the eye and said "No, It is 100% not your fault you never did anything to deserve this." and I said "yeah, I know" but to be completely honest I didn't believe myself. The following I days were the worst days in my life, I had to finish out the semester, I couldn't tell my girlfriend because I wanted to tell her in person (She was in highschool still), and the the only person i could talk to Was A and I felt like i couldn't talk to B because I had no idea what she knew or felt.

[name omitted]

It was a tinder date, well not much of a date, it was straight to my place for netflix. When I saw her walking to my door it was already obvious i was catfished and she looked nothing like her pictures (100pounds heavier). Since I already screwed this all up i decided to just play it cool and friend zone to hell.

She brought alcohol for some reason and i thought it'd be rude not to drink once she asked me. It was beer in closed bottles so i felt it was safe.

I went to the washroom about 20 minutes after her arrival and came back and was finishing my second beer when i started feeling paralyzed/tired. I didn't know what was going on and i knew it wasn't right.

She pretended like she was getting worried so i played it off cool because i thought i might have just been getting sick. I never fell asleep, i just couldn't move my body. At this point in time she stripped my naked and forced herself all over me for the entire night while i stared at the ceiling scared. She kept screaming "do you think i'm pretty?!" "Do you think mommy is pretty!?" I was able to move again around 9 in the morning and just told her to leave because i had to go to work. She got aggressive when i asked so i pretended to phone the police and she left faster than she came in.

I never saw her again, and deleted tinder.

[name omitted]

When i was 16 ,i went to my friends house,we were going to smoke weed for the first time and I had got it from a neighbour of mine.When we were rolling the first joint in his room his mother walked in and freaked out,she threw all the weed down the toilet and quizzed us on how we got it,my friend told her it was all my idea and i had brought it here with me,which was true,she told my friend to stay in his room and he was grounded for 3 months,and dragged me into her car in a fit of rage,she was going to take me home and tell my parents.

My dad is a police officer and both my mom and dad are very anti drugs and religious.I was crying on the way home while my friends mom was shouting at me saying she's gonna tell my parents and tell all the other parents in our community and nobody will want to hang around with me...I was begging her to not tell my parents and that i would never do it again.

She stopped the car in an alley where nobody was around.While i was crying started touching me threw my shorts and said "you think your the cool kid around here huh?" and proceeded to touch me until i got hard,i was still crying tho and she got on top of me and raped me in the front seat of her car.She then said if i told anybody she would tell everybody I'm a pot head and just made this up.She never told my parents about the weed and this is the first time iv ever told anybody,I never really spoke to that guy again I'm guessing his mom told him he isn't allowed to hang around with me but i never want to see anybody in that family again

[name omitted]

I lost my virginity at 16 to my older sister's friend. Apparently her Shitty group of friends had made a bet on who could corrupt her little brother.

I get a call one night to come party with a friend of hers I had always had a crush on, so of course I jump at the opportunity. I get to her house (I had gotten my drivers license maybe 2 weeks prior), and knock on the door. She answers but no one else is in her house. HOLY SHIT I am totally about to hook up with my sister's friend.

She hands me a bottle of 'water' that was just straight vodka, we sit down in the living room and start drinking. This was the second time I had ever drank so I got really drunk, really fast. I have always assumed nothing else was involved, but who knows. I said I needed to stop and she began goading me, saying things like "don't be a fucking pussy", "look, mine is almost gone, I must have a bigger dick than you", and so on. I downed the bottle eventually.

Next thing I know, I woke up the next morning, knowing I had had sex but not remembering a second of it. I was sticky and even though I had never done it before I just... Knew. She was still asleep and I was really thirsty. I reached over her to grab the half full water bottle she'd been drinking out of all night, too hungover to think it might be vodka. Then, to my immediate surprise, it wasn't vodka. It was water. I smelled her water bottle, smelled mine, and searched to make sure she hadn't just gotten a new bottle. Nope. She had been drinking water all night so she could win the 'bet'. A bet I was told about a couple weeks later while my sister's friends laughed as if it was some great joke.

Everyone I told just laughed and congratulated me on hooking up with my sister's hot friend. The only person who gave a shit was my sister when she found out, and she immediately punched her friend in the face.

[name omitted]

I was about 4 years old. I was playing at an older girl's house, she might have been 8. We were in her bedroom, I think I was looking at her toys or something. She wanted me to take my clothes off and then she used a soup spoon like it was some doctor's instrument to "examine" me. Her friend was there and she seemed really uneasy and told the girl to stop. I put my clothes back on, went home and told my parents. They freaked out and stormed over to yell at her parents. I just thought it was a little weird. Later I realized that she was probably being molested by her dad.

[name omitted]

During the summer between 5th and 6th grade, the two most popular and attractive girls called me on my parents landline when no one was home.

I'd been teased the whole last year for being fat (I wasn't, just a little chubby but since I was the new kid...).

I'd never had any sexual encounters before this phone call, but they spent a good 15 minutes using cruel, humiliating words and phrases while breathing heavily and using husky sexualized (think classic phone sex) voices.

Things like, "Oh blub blub (my humiliating school nickname), you're sooo fat, I just love your fat rolls. It's so easy to make fun of you because you're so worthless and fat, blub blub...mmmm." And so on. It was my first exposure to sexuality from a girl (or anyone), which of course turned me on so much, and it set the course for the next 20+ years of my intimate interactions with girls (and guys).

I was always the nicest and most innocent boy, and after this I just felt compelled towards being sexually submissive, craving humiliation and degradation of the worst kind, from men and woman. And to this day I still am struggling to break those chains and learn what actual love making and true intimacy (not medicating kinky sex) is all about.

That day changed the course of my life and worked to define such a huge part of me, and I so desperately wish it hadn't happen. Just typing this all out has me shaking.

[name omitted]

I was raped in college. I played rugby and volleyball and was a big strong guy. I was saving myself for marriage at the time and my gf didn't understand why I would sleep with her. She told all her friends about it and concluded (later on I found this) that I must be gay...because if I didn't want to sleep with her then it HAD to be because I was gay right?

One night in my dorm room we were naked hooking up. I was rock hard laying there eyes closed and I feel her quickly sit on me and go all the way down on my cock. I opened my eyes really quickly and she looked into my eyes and said "now you aren't a virgin anymore..how about that" I threw her off me...she must of traveled 15 feet I was enraged. She got up started crying and I started screaming...she put on her clothes and ran out.

She wrote me a letter a day later apologizing profusely and I broke up with her..for the next 15 years I didn't understand why I could never get close to a woman in a relationship...I would date for 6 months or more and when it began to get really serious I would break it off..through 2 years of therapy I realized that this happened in college (i guess I blocked it out) and started bawling in the session..like dry heaving crying...the next girl I dated I married and I have a wonderfully satisfying sex life now.

But that one incident apparently scarred me for a long long time. I hope one day I run into that bitch so we can have a chat.

[name omitted]

I was in an LTR that ended violently. Long story short, I glance over one night and see her on her phone having an inappropriate conversation with another man. I ignore it, trying to convince myself I saw wrong. Later that evening we get into an argument and I confront her about what I saw. I grabbed her phone, she grabbed.... something and I ended up getting hit so hard most of the night is blacked out in my memory. So much blood. The relationship didn't last long after that for obvious reasons.

This was years ago and I've only just got over what happened enough to start seriously dating again. I asked a long term aquaintince out a few weeks back and was soundly rejected. Ok, no problem, moved on and met someone great. Aquaintince and I are talking last night and I made the mistake of asking why she rejected me. Turns out having been in an abusive relationship is a turn off for her. I know its petty but I've not felt so broken since that night all those years ago. I felt like damaged goods. Hell of a feeling. I can't help feeling if the gender roles were reversed that she would see me as a victim, instead I'm just seen as weak instead.

Oh well, to hell with her. I won't be defined by the shitty actions of other people. I'm dating someone awesome now so it's all for the best anyway. Still, it stings just a bit, you know?

[name omitted]

I was at a party, and was drunk and high, so I decided to call it a night and go to sleep in my buddy's room (he okayed it). Well, I woke up to the sensation of someone removing my pants, then blacked out again Came to again, and this larger girl whom I had met earlier in the night was sucking on my penis. I told her to get off of me, and she told me that I liked it, because I was getting hard. I blacked out again, and woke up because she was riding me I couldn't move, and I couldn't push her off, though I tried I kept telling her to stop, but she kept going. After about 5 minutes of me saying no and telling her to get off and trying to push her off of me, I blacked out again. When I woke up in the morning, I thought it was just a bad dream till I found the condom still on me (thank god she used one). That's how I lost my virginity And it kind of fucked me up a bit, because I had planned to lose it to someone I loved, and it just got taken I lost respect for sex and fucked around a lot. My girlfriend has really helped me get over it though, and although I still occasionally recall it vividly, I'm mostly fine.

[name omitted]

My girlfriend at the time drugged my drink (we were around 14 at the time) and I woke up to her on top of me. I was too weak to do anything and she had her way. I never really told anyone, and from my interpretation of the laws in Idaho, it doesn't legally count as rape.

[name omitted]

I'm 28 now and I was sexually assaulted by my emotionally and physically abusive freshman girlfriend whom I was deeply in love with. I had been her secret boyfriend for ~6mo because she was hard of hearing at a prominent mainstreamed university and she "didn't want my dear friends to see me differently because I'm dating a hearing guy". I had 10" and 120lb on her along with her transplanted kidney that rested just under the skin.

We were messing around as she had never been in the mood to go further than grinding all clothes on with no hand touching allowed by me. I was really frustrated after weeks of this and I removed my consent and told her "Stop, I don't want to do this anymore. And I have to get ready for class." She kept going. I said stop again. I started to move my hips when she shifted her weight to pin them down and started yelling at me. That I'm not a man, I wanted to be with her and now I clearly don't love her, that it's my duty to please her. I told her to stop that I wanted to leave. She kept going and I kept struggling when she looked me in the eye and said "you say you love me and you're trying to get away. If you were a man and didn't want this you'd push me off you. But I know you won't hurt me. Now shut up!"

I realized I could not get her off me without risking her serious internal damage. I realized if I hurt her she could say I assaulted her and no one would believe me. She could accuse me of raping and stalking her and get everyone's support and end my life. My love for her, my humanity, my desire to give her a better life had become the bonds that kept me there. I was... powerless.

I stared at the underside of the bunk bed above. I shut down I didn't know what else to do. I laid there praying it would stop soon, that she'd get bored, that my erection would go away. I denied what was going on... I wanted to be her sexual partner so it's OK right? This is what men are supposed to do. She eventually left and I was late to class.

A year later after ending the relationship a few months after that incident I entered counseling at my university. I spent at least a month steeling myself to talk about it. Slowly I started talking about her, the fucked up things she said, the even more fucked up things she signed sitting next to me thinking I didn't understand, the way she would beat on me full force while all our friends laughed. Then I finally talked about it, tentatively, not sure what to call it (molestation? Rape? Assault?).

My male counselor with several years experience smirked the whole way as I talked then laughed at me. A short but definitive "haha good joke" laugh as he shook his head, composed himself, then asked me how I felt about my father.

It took 7 years but I started counseling again and waited a year and a half of weekly sessions before talking about it. Now, a decade later, I'm starting to really heal and accept that I was sexually assaulted. It's complicated by my desires to be a male submissive that got shut down hard after the assault and the two intermixed ruining relationship after relationship.

A few weeks back I wrote about my feelings of how society treats male survivors and started a support group on Fetlife. I feel like I cannot be the only guy who was sexually assaulted or a victim of IPV and stayed because of misunderstood submissive/masochistic desires. You can find the group searching for male survivors or find me as Sparklefarts on Fet.

[name omitted]

Without any details, it was a friend, and there were no hard feelings. I didn't really care that much, and I honestly think she didn't understand what she was doing was wrong. Bringing it up to her would've only hurt her already shaky confidence and self-esteem, and wouldn't have helped me at all. I just couldn't do that to her so I never told her that it was rape.

[name omitted]

I was at a bar I know the owner of with my best bud, and this happens while we are sitting on stools at the bar:

We are watching the Reds game and bullshitting with the bar owner and his wife who are behind the bar. Pretty good friends of ours.

Out of nowhere, this woman comes up behind me, slides her hand one hand to my groin and the other onto my chest and then licks/bites my ear. I know 100% it's not my fiancée because she is at her friends house for girls night. So I go "What the fuck?!" while getting up and turning around, thinking this is a case of mistaken identity.

Nope, she just looks at me and goes "what you don't like that, you gay or something?"

Before I can even think of a response, the bar owners wife had apparently seen this go down and the WTF look on my buddy's face. She comes out from behind the bar yelling at her like the world's most pissed off mom: "Get the fuck away from my customers, get out, before I use your fucking head to open the door!" RandomMolesterLady runs out, we get sympathy beers from owner. Pretty much end of story.

Never told my fiancée about it, really didn't have that big of affect on me, but it always bothers me now when people go "only women get groped/molested/raped". It's not a gender specific issue.

[name omitted]

I had a few different situations where I have been sexually assaulted by women over the course of my life. I'm prefacing these incidents with some facts about myself. I have never been really confident with the way I look or carry myself. I've always been a bit overweight and started losing my hair in highschool. I got teased relentlessly for it.

The first time anything like that happened was when I was a sophomore in high school. I was late for class and making my way to class, in a rush. I was really late because the halls were empty. I was exiting the stairwell and as I was making my way down the hallway three girls who were seniors. (I found them attractive. I don't know how much that applies to the story.) The one in the middle of the group, a blonde girl with short hair, grabbed my nipple and twisted it while the other girls laughed. I was pretty suprised and didn't say anything. The girls all laughed and just kept laughing as they walked away. I was pretty confused, someone that I would never have the guts to even talk to did this. I didn't tell anyone else about it since I didn't think anyone would take me seriously.

The second time was the first time I went to a concert. I was around 17 and enjoying myself. A woman, fat and middle aged, tapped me on the shoulder. She asked me to let her through. I obliged, and she, instead of making her way through the crowd just stood in the spot I was standing in. I tapped on her shoulder and flipped her off. She responded by reaching back and grabbing me by the balls. I pushed her hand away and that is where things pretty much ended, I moved and found a new place to watch.

The last time something happened, I was in my early 20's. I had been invited to a party that one of my friend's coworkers were throwing. I used to drink a lot at that age. I was going to the fridge to grab some of the beer I brought. There were three middle aged women in the kitchen. They stopped me and started talking to me. They had a bottle of liquor, they bet me that I couldn't drink the entire thing myself. Being stupid I took them up on the challenge.

I had drank most of the bottle as they cheered me on and was unable to really stand up on my own at this point. That's when they started grabbing at my crotch, unzipping my pants and pulling my cock out. I said no repeatedly but I was too drunk to really do anything about it. They all took turns stroking it and several sucked it. I had really bad whiskey dick so things didn't really advance past that point. I don't remember much of the night but my friend saw what was happening. He didn't help. He just made fun of me afterwards. The next day it really burnt when I peed and there were tooth scrape marks on my dick. I went to the doctor to get tested. Thankfully I didn't have anything and it was just burning from the fact that one of them had vomited on my dick when it was in their mouth.

My friend thought this was hilarious and started making jokes about it over dinner at my parent's house. I stopped talking to him after that and since I was the only reason my other friends put up with him, they stopped talking to him too.

I don't drink anymore and I think it messed with me quite a bit mentally. It changed what I am into sexually, now I am heavily into things like femdom and reverse rape scenes. When I think about these things, I just feel guilty and resentful, like I could have done more to prevent it.

[name omitted]

An ex gf cornered me in a room when I was drunk. Started grabbing my junk. I started repeating please stop. Please stop. Please stop. She had a skirt on....She pulled it out and pulled it barely into her vagina for a second and I pushed her away and she tripped and fell over a table a few feet away. All I said was, I was saying please stop. Then she awkwardly left the room.

Maybe it isn't rape because I had the power to do that earlier.... I dunno.

[name omitted]

When I was twelve I caught some girls (they were a grade up) in the yard during recess hugging one of my close friends. I went to go and see if he wanted to play some soccer, and as I got close I noticed they had their hands down his pants, and he looked super uncomfortable. As I went to break it up another of the gaggle of girls turned around and grabbed my junk, fondling me - so I hit her. Immature? Sure. I then went to the VP on the field to tell her what happened and she ushered me to her office wherein I was then suspended for hitting another student. The issue didn't get resolved until I told my mother and she went to the principals office. I felt horrible for hitting the girl, but what was I supposed to do? The vice principal immediately assuming I was just a violent liar made it worse. Fortunately the head principal was a bit more levelheaded and believed my story, especially after my friend came forward as well.

[name omitted]

I was at a frosh event and it was called the 5am'er. Basically, you get up at 5am and get drunk with people in the bush. It's almost a school ritual. I had one too many beers and for the first time in my life got blackout drunk. I vaguely remember puking and some girl whom I don't even know was there trying to kiss me. She was tipsy but not nearly as drunk as I was. My friend walks me home and she decides to walk with. He drops me off and she says that shell make sure I get to my bed okay. My friend says nothing.

At this point I'm still blackout drunk. I vaguely remember her holding me down and her saying that she was my girlfriend. Me being plastered out of my mind I said nothing. I woke up and she was just leaving. I had no idea what her name was or who she was, but I woke up with deep scratches on my shoulders, neck, and back. Scratches as in they had drawn blood and had scabbed. I felt very weird and very ashamed of feeling violated. It just felt wrong. Afterwards she never contacted me again. I didn't even telly girlfriend this because it's embarrassing, but I guess if she does read this, I'm sorry for not telling you. It feels very uncomfortable for me to talk about it and through text is the only way I can really talk about it. Please understand. I love you.

[name omitted]

When I was 12 I hung out with a girl that I considered a friend (I'm gay and knew back then). As I was laying on her bed texting or something she would sometimes jump on me and start dry humping my crotch and face. She made it seem like a joke and was laughing hard but I tried to push her off and told her to stop but after minutes of failing I just kind of let it happen. It was especially awkward when her friends were in the room. I distinctively remember one guy saying "Man usually it's the woman who gets raped not the man ahahaah". They eventually just left the room.

Also, in highschool my german teacher gave me a soft slap on the ass in front of the class. Same schoolyear, my english teacher did the same thing to me in the hallway. General reaction was laughter (including myself). Not nearly as bad as other stories here but a few years later I started realizing that reactions would have been different if genders were swapped.

[name omitted]

I dated an incredibly manipulative and psychotic girl in my late teens. We started dating right after high school and for the first 6 months everything was great but looking back there were some red flags that I should have noticed.

Basically it all went downhill when she took my phone one day and read my texts. I had a completely innocent 2 text conversation with an ex and my girlfriend went insane. Stormed out of my house and disappeared for 12 hours and freaked her parents and me out. I was sleeping that night and heard a banging on my window, I opened it and she preceded to rip out my screen and start clawing viciously at me. 3 years later I still have scars up my arm.

I stayed with her for another year an a half after that because like I said she was completely manipulative and would always threaten self harm. being in my late teens/early 20's I convinced myself I could "save" her. Put up with her regularly punching, biting, and just all around physical abuse that was mostly brought up because I had been with other girls before I knew her(why she freaked when she saw I texted an ex). I have a lot of stories of Shit I put up with but just for the record I NEVER put my hands on her even if she did deserve retaliation.

Finally I wised up about a year ago and cut it off completely. Still have trust issues and I doubt I'll date anytime soon.

[name omitted]

I was out at the bar with some friends when this girl showed up. Her and I had fooled around before but had a big falling out because she wanted me to be her babies daddy and start helping out with her bills and everything (we weren't dating, just fooled around twice).

It was my friends birthday so we were going pretty hard at the bar. I was keeping my distance from this girl though. At the end of the night we were all going our separate ways when she came up to me and noticed I was barely able to walk. She said she would help me get home and it would give us some time to talk. I was reluctant, but gave in when I stumbled and nearly fell in the street.

We started walking towards home, when she started groping me and kissing my neck. I asked her to stop and even pushed her away but then fell over. She came back, said she was sorry and she will take me right home. We were almost there(3ish blocks away) when she turned me a bit and pushed me down into the weeds. At this point I'm passing in and out so I only have pictures of what happened in my head. I remember not being able to breathe because she was sitting on my face. Then my pants were off and she was on top of me. And the part that makes me sick/sad just thinking about it was I hard while it was happening. I know it's not a conscious thing especially in my state of mind but still.

Anyways, I remember her rolling me on top of her and me doing maybe 1 or 2 pumps when I had one of those sobering moments when you're drunk. I backed up, pulled my pants up and just stumbled the rest of the way home. She followed me trying to get into my house and telling me that I liked it. I felt so terrible.

Then I came to reddit to ask them if I had been raped. I mean I did get on top for a moment. I received so many negative posts saying I just had drunk sex and people were berating me. I didn't know what to think. I told a friend what happened and she asked me if I wanted to have sex with her that night. I of course said no and had been stopping her all night until I literally couldn't. And that's when it settled in. I was a grown man and I was raped.

He asked me why I didn't go to the cops. And as much as I hate her, she has a son who she is really good to. And even if the cops were to take me serious and be on my side 100%, it would ruin his life. And I don't want that. So I carry it on my shoulders. If I'm at the bar and she comes in, I leave. I also don't drink as much or as hard anymore. Male rape exists and the victims are made out to be near criminal or humiliated into feeling bad about it.

[name omitted]

First, I was 13, she was 26. I was baby-sitting her kids. She came back from the bar, having struck out, pissed off and horny.

I felt like I got lucky, but if that'd been a 26yr old guy with my 13yr old daughter, I would feel different.

Then, I was probably 22, went to a party, a friend I hadn't seen in a while was getting frisky ... I blacked out, and passed out on a table. I vaguely remember feeling hands on me ... she was rubbing my chest and started pulling at my pants. I was in that barely conscious of what's going on, and just wanting to sleep, mode of being really, really, drunk.

I told her 'no, no ... I'm way too drunk ... ', she said 'Well, not ALL of you', pulling me out. I said 'no' a bunch more, tried to roll away from her, I was probably too drunk to stand, and certainly too drunk to fight. She just ignored everything I said, climbed on top, held my arms, and did her thing.

The next morning I honestly wasn't sure it'd happened for a few minutes. I had to find my glasses and throw up. While I was in the bathroom, I noticed my pants were still undone ... and I was sticky.

I pulled her aside, and did the 'what the fuck?!' conversation, and she just said 'Yeah, sorry, I was really drunk'. We had a quick 'If you have herpes or get pregnant, I'm going to be pissed' conversation, and she sort of laughed nervously and re-assured me that wasn't a problem.

That was it. Nothing happened.

[name omitted]

I was raped by my older sister, she is 12 yrs older than me I was about 10-12 yrs old.i was the youngest of 7kids, 4girls and three boys, she was about to graduate highschool It would happen whenever we were alone together she was the second oldest and was pretty much my guardian because my mother was always at work. When I was a kid it was all confusing to me.I had younger cousins and a niece that was you her than me and I would try to have sex with them after the experience with my sister. I did succeed a few times not realizing it was wrong I didn't rape them I would try to seduce them into having sex,oral sex to.When I became a teenager I realized it was wrong for me and my sister to do the things we did, I wanted to apologize to my cousins and niece but never got the strength to,and I eventually blocked it out of my mind because everything seemed normal family wise.As an adult it still eats me up inside I can still smell the mood of the occasion and it makes me ill. I never apologized to my niece or anyone and I figured I deserve anything bad that happens to me because of it. I found out later that my sister was often called a virgin and lesbian in school so I figured she was just using me as a test dummy so to speak. My niece use to be skinny as a kid as we got older she became obese and I tend to blame that on me too.

[name omitted]

A couple years ago I was in a relationship that ended up being full of verbal and emotional abuse. From time not too long before the relationship and all throughout it I was struggling with my sexuality (or lack thereof). My ex had problems herself with confidence and depression.

Basically I fit into the asexual scale and I don't enjoy intercourse at all. My ex didn't understand this too well and to her it was a sign that she was undesirable. She also had a normal sex drive and was pretty selfish about it. This resulted in her pressuring me for sex and if I couldn't keep it up she would basically mock me for it. Despite me clearly saying so, she never understood that they way she handled my shortcomings in bed was making my performance worse by piling anxiety on top of it. This all culminated to one night where we were fooling around in bed (I can do foreplay type stuff with ease, so this was common for us). She was going down on me and got on top of me to ride me. I struggled to get her off, but she locked my arms in a way that gave her an advantage over being able to shift my weight and forced me into her. I've never considered this a rape, but more of a sexual assault (maybe it is though, I've never told anyone this to get outside perspective).

I haven't been able to have a relationship since because I feel like no one will understand the true nature of asexuality and react similar to how she did. If I start getting close to someone I usually just distance myself until we stop talking completely.

[name omitted]

When I was around the age of 5/6, my mother continuously took me to home daycare during Summer as she and my father worked. I remember hating one of my daycare providers because she treated me poorly, and molested me several times, the time I most remember was during a water fight with the other kids (who also mistreated me) she grabbed me and took me to the bathroom to "change," she then aggressively molested me, it was painful because of how she was handling it. My parents recently found out after I was put in the mental hospital for 3 days and had to admit this happened to me at a young age.

[name omitted]

A few months ago I went to a friends party and we were all drinking. While there my neighbors step-daughter (she doesn't live at my neighbors house except for every other weekend) shows up. I blacked out around 12/1230 after repeatedly telling her that I did not want to go upstairs to "talk" by ourselves. But when the morning comes around my friend who hosted the party tells me that around 1 in the morning she followed my upstairs to the bathroom and about 20 minutes later we walked down the stairs holding hands and she was kissing me occasionally after that infront of others on the first floor. I confronted her the next day about it and she says that nothing happened but the fact that there are multiple eyewitnesses to us acting differently after we dissappeared and her bragging about it to her friends makes me think otherwise. I don't feel any mental or physical pain as a result of this but it still makes me more conscious of how I treat other people when drunk and how even if they give consent when drunk it doesn't mean it is okay.

[name omitted]

I just recently told my mother and father that my aunt had molested me as a small child. I told one of my closest friends about it as a way to try to feel better. He told me, "thats not that big a deal."

Its not that big a deal? I have lived my entire life in agony and depression because of this. And I'm going to be told its not a big deal?

[name omitted]

There is a woman in my group of friends who has always aggressively flirted with me. She is cool and all but I would never go for her. Anyway, one night I got blacked out and was hanging out with her and some other people at her house. I passed out in her bed and woke up with her going down on me. I woke up the next morning and left right away. When it came up later, she told me we just made out and also told mutual friends that. She works in a crisis-related field and I think she knows what she did wasn't cool and that if the roles were reversed it would be a bigger deal.

I don't feel that I was assaulted or violated, but I was very unhappy that it happened and I thought it was telling that she tried to cover up what really happened.

[name omitted]

I was molested twice by two girls when i was six or seven. My mum worked full time so she could support me and my siblings because my father was a drunk and a junkieso she would regularly drop us of at her friends house and her daughter and ugly friend who were both around 17 i think (not too sure) would often lure me away from my siblings so they could do things to me. After almost two years i mustered up some courage and told both my mother and hers and when they were both confronted they denied it, called me a liar, began to cry and even made-up alibis for eachother, so my mother beat me with abelt for lying. it happened again wih a grown woman later on too but i told my oldest brother and he whacked her round the head with a pipe. when i tell people these stories their response is always a variation of "lucky bastard" oror something like that but I don't feel at all "lucky" or happy that it happened, honestly whenever i think back to those moments i feel melancholic.

[name omitted]

When I was in college I found out that a girl I knew came into my room when I was really drunk and passed out and tried to have sex with me.

I found out through my girlfriend at the time, when were having an argument because she found out a close friend of mine and I had sex one time and I never told her about it. She then started asking about other girls I hooked up with that we hung out with and I told her that she was the only one. That’s when she said, “Don’t lie to me, what about ____?” I seriously had no idea what she was talking about and then she told me the story.

She heard about before we started dating, because they were friends. Apparently, one day the two of them and another friend were on a porch swing that was in the middle of our quad. They saw me walking to the cafeteria and my girlfriend made a comment about how she thought I was attractive. That’s when the other girl started almost bragging about when she went to my room to hook up with me in my room and she started giving me a blowjob, but left because she couldn’t get me to stay hard (like I said I was really drunk).

The way she told it made it seem like I wanted it and just had “whiskey dick,” but the truth is that I have no memory of this happening and would have never wanted to have sex with her. I did not find this girl attractive at all; in fact I thought she was annoying because she was one of those people that always tries to one up you, which is why I think she even told her the story.

I was really shocked to hear that had happened and did feel kind of violated. I explained to my girlfriend what had really happened and she was really great about. Her freshman year some guy tried to force himself on her and she only got away because she was with another friend of hers, who heard her yelling for him to stop. She reported it to security, but the only thing they did was make it that he wasn't allowed in her dorms and she wasn't allowed at the campus housing he was at. I never reported what happened, because I didn't think they would believe me or even do much about it because I was a guy. I had never heard of a case of a girl sexually assaulting a guy on campus, which I now realize could be because no one spoke out for the same reasons.

[name omitted]

Back in college, I came home blackout drunk and supposedly passed out in my walk-in closet. Some housemates found me and walked me to my bed. Then they goaded this girl (who was into me, but whom I, for what it's worth, disdained and was not attracted to) into climbing into bed and fondling me for a while.

Found out about it the next morning when they told me about it like it was a joke. Felt weird and violated and just kinda let it go, even though I know it would've been a reportable offense were the sexes reversed.

[name omitted]

Was constantly beaten by my mother from when I was 7 (after my 2nd sister's birth) until I was 16. My mother treated me as if I was beneath the women of my family and my sisters, even though I'm the oldest and her only son. I went to live with my grandmother and have been on my own for a few years after I graduated college.

Last time I spoke with my mother was basically her disowning me because I didn't like the guy she married. She tells my family that I said that I hate her and don't want to talk to her again (which is true) and that I wouldn't go to said sister's high school graduation because of that (which isn't true, I was never sent an invitation).

[name omitted] 

Dr. Elizabeth Bates from the University of Cumbria and colleagues from the University of Central Lancashire, conducted a survey collecting data from a large cohort of students. More than 1,000 students — 706 women and 398 men with an average age of 24 — responded to the questionnaires. The students were asked about their physical aggression and controlling behavior to partners, and to same-sex others, including friends.

The findings revealed just as many women as men could also be classed as abusive, coupled with controlling behavior with serious levels of threats, intimidation, and physical violence. Women were more likely to verbally and physically aggressive to their partners than men.

 “This study found that women demonstrated a desire to control their partners and were more likely to use physical aggression than men.” 

“It wasn’t just pushing and shoving,” said Bates, Medical Xpress reported.