brellie sibs incorrect quotes from this random generator. i may or may not do some of these as edits eventually. who knows.
Five, working at McDonald's: Sorry sir, we don't serve a McFuck here, so either you throw that one slice of pickle out or we're gonna have a McProblem.
Aurora: We have to plan, we have to figure something out.
Five: Aurora, when have any of our plans ever actually worked? We plan, we get there, all hell breaks loose.
Viktor: You can’t have a gun on stage!
Klaus: WRONG AGAIN! I can have a gun, and I must have a gun, that’s the rule of Chekhov’s Gun: have a gun. And now that it’s been seen, I will have to shoot someone before the end of the play.
Five: I suppose you’re right. We really would be better off working together.
Lila: So, then… détente?
Five: Agreed.
Lila: Understanding?
Five: Possibly.
Lila: Cooperation?
Five: Maybe.
Lila: Trust?
Five: Out of the question.
Klaus, on the phone: I better go…kay, call me later… byeeee!
Viktor: Friend of Yours?
Klaus: Nope, wrong number.
Viktor: ???
Aurora: Sorry it took so long to bail you out of jail.
Luther: No, it was my fault. I shouldn't have used my phone call to prank call the police station.
Diego: What if mayonnaise came in cans?
Klaus: Well, that would suck because you can't microwave metal.
Five: Good morning to everyone except these two people.
Eight: Go on, give Luther a compliment.
Viktor: How do you expect me to do that?
Diego: Just say something that you wish someone would say to you.
Viktor: Uhh… You are now unbanned from Free Ham Sandwich Day!
Luther, sobbing: Nobody’s ever said that to me before!
Luther: Small creatures are much more vicious because they have a smaller body to bottle up all their emotions.
Diego: Ridiculous. Give me some examples.
Five: Wasps?
Klaus: Terriers?
Luther: Viktor.
Five: Klaus, get that hideous thing out of the living room, would you?
Klaus: Diego, Five wants you to get out of the house.
Luther: We are gathered here today because someone- *glares at Dad’s coffin* -couldn’t stay alive!
ALTERNATIVELY!!!
Luther: We are gathered here today because someone- *glares at Aurora's bed* -couldn’t stay awake!
Aurora: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to?
Klaus: Schrödinger's boys.
Luther: FUCK!
Viktor: What about cracking open a cold milkshake?
Diego: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do.
Diego: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison.
Eight: ...
Klaus: ...
Luther: ...
Viktor: ...
Diego: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town.
Diego, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe?
Luther: Yeah, sure.
*A few minutes later*
Luther: Here you go.
Diego:Luther:Klaus: Why am I here?
Viktor: Then either Sonic is a god or could kill god, and I do not care if there is a difference.
Allison: We’re going to have to split up, like in Scooby Doo.
Allison, to Viktor and Klaus: You guys are Scooby and Shaggy. You can search the bathrooms.
Viktor, to Five: Velma, you get the spooky looking fridge in the basement.
Five: What? Why am I Velma? And why do I get the… dubious looking device?
Allison: Because only Velma would say “dubious device”. Five gets the spooky fridge in the basement.
Diego: And what does that make you, Fred?
Allison: Bitch, I’m Daphne.
Diego: I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.
Five: Klaus, remember when you said you weren’t going to interfere with my love life?
Klaus: No, that doesn’t sound like me at all.
Viktor: For most of human history, vehicles had automatic collision avoidance and could even take you home if you were asleep or drunk. But then we got rid of the horse.
Five: You complete moron. You stupid fucking idiot. "Cars would be better if they could bite and shit" – that was you just now, dumbass.
Five: "Wouldn't it be cool if cars could piss? Wouldn't it be cool if cars could fuck?" Fuck off.
Klaus: It would be cool if cars could fuck.
Luther: We... We still have horses.
Five: Eight, you can do anything!
Aurora: Anything?
Five: Anything!
Aurora, holding a gun: anything?!?!Five: Wait, not that!
Aurora: I hate when people ask me, 'What did you do today?' Buddy listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don't KNOW!
Aurora: Are you busy?
Diego: Yes.
Aurora: Cool, listen to this...
Diego: How did none of you hear what I just said?!
Viktor: I've been zoned out for the past two and a half hours.
Luther: I got distracted halfway through.
Five: Ignoring you was a conscious decision.
Luther, rushing into the room: It’s terrible, just terrible! I am so upset!
Aurora: Luther, honey, sit down! Sweetheart, tell us all about it. Five, would you get Luther some water?
Five: What are they gonna do with water? Has water ever made you feel better when you were upset? Have you ever heard anyone say, “Thank God, the water’s here!”?