Re: allegations of sexual assault by Neil Gaiman
I don't have a lot to say that hasn't already been said and picked over about NG specifically, but I want to address something I have seen referenced a lot in the last few days, which is "counterintuitive" responses to victimization. I have tried to write this post in pretty clinical terminology, trying not to be inflammatory or graphic, but be mindful that what follows is a discussion of sexual assault.
I am not a social worker or a psychologist, however, I am an attorney working in the criminal justice system in the US for the past ten years. I've had maybe 25-35 sex crime cases go to trial; I have probably handled several hundred. I have heard numerous experts testify on counterintuitive victim responses. I have heard numerous victims and their friends and family testify. I will try to link some good articles at the bottom.
There is a huge variability in how victims respond to assault. There is no one common response.
"Counterintuitive" responses by victims of assault are responses that the average person thinks: why on earth would someone do that if they'd been a victim? which is frequently followed by: if they were really a victim, they wouldn't have done that.
It's not that simple. Victims react in all sorts of different ways, for all sorts of different reasons, including anticipated societal reactions, cultural values, psychological health prior to the assault, support networks, severity of the assault, physical injury, conceptualization of "what counts," relationship to the perpetrator, reliance on the perpetrator, and so on. So many things.
The typical 'expected' response are those we think of when we think of PTSD, like nightmares, fear/anxiety, development of triggers, increased use of drugs or alcohol, suffering grades in school/university or suffering work performance, flashbacks, self isolation, etc, and those we think of as the legal response, like reporting to police or a hospital.
But a lot of victims don't react in those ways. In fact, "counterintuitive" is a label that should be applied to the expectations of the audience of the disclosure, not to the victim - because there is no average or typical response, so there's not really a counterintuitive one. Counterintuitive responses are actually so common that prosecutorial societies and law schools routinely educate on how to identify these responses and how to present expert testimony on these responses to jurors, who are the audience asking why on earth any victim would do that.
Here are some super common things victims of all ages may do when talking about their assault:
Laugh, giggle, or otherwise act flippantly
Flat affect - a lack of emotion
Minimization of what happened
Refusal to identify as a victim or to identify what happened to them as rape or assault ("It wasn't that bad, you're being dramatic")
Outright denying it, or talking about it with false bravado
I have seen victims of all ages do all of these things on the stand. Victims who are actively pursuing a case or who were at one point pursuing a disclosure against their abuser in front of a judge, jury, detectives, and their perpetrator will do these things. Laughing is probably the most common one I see.
Here are some super common things victims of all ages do following their assault:
Continue contact with their perpetrator, including affectionate, supportive, or loving contact, doing favors for them, sending gifts or money to them, continuing to see medical providers who assaulted them, etc. Continued contact frequently occurs even if assaults continue
Initiating sexual contact with their perpetrator
Failing to disclose for years, even among adult victims
Disclosing and later recanting
Piecemeal disclosures - disclosing part of an assault but minimizing other parts or failing to disclose (usually the aspects perceived as more 'serious') parts of an assault
Deny that it was nonconsensual because they 'consented' under duress ("I did it so he would stop hitting me", "I did it so he wouldn't do it to someone else") or because it's shameful or embarrassing ("I thought I was too smart to ever be a victim" "I always said if this ever happened to me I would do xyz thing and I didn't" "I felt so stupid that I put myself in this situation")
These are all also things I have seen in cases I have personally worked on.
These reactions all depend a great deal on what is going on in a victim's life and how their perpetrator responds in the aftermath. Some things perpetrators may do that all count as part of a "grooming" process, which may occur before, during, and after an assault:
Threaten to harm a loved one or even themselves if the victim discloses, or blame the victim for the consequences of disclosure ("if you report I'll go to jail and who will pay for this house then")
Point out the victim's bodily reactions as indicating pleasure
Behave afterward as if it was entirely consensual, or behaving in an overtly affectionate way, doing things like texting the victim that they had a great time, would love to see you again, telling the victim how sexy or beautiful they are, telling them how special they are or how mature they are, etc
Isolate the victim or put the victim in a position to rely on the perpetrator socially, financially, or otherwise
Tell the victim no one would believe them, either relying on a distrust of police, the perpetrator's power or authority, or casting the victim as the seducer
A lot of these are done much more covertly than my straightforward recitation above. Grooming is not restricted to getting a victim ready to be assaulted; grooming is a pattern of behavior that allows a perpetrator access and safety from accusation at any point in the relationship between perpetrator and victim. A lot of this relies on shifting the burden onto the victim, which involves manipulating both the victim and the community surrounding the victim and perpetrator - remember, most sexual assaults are perpetrated by people the victims already have a relationship with, with a shared social or familial circle.
When we hear accusations of sexual assault, I think it's hugely important to remember that the current idea is to believe the victims in part because counterintuitive responses are very common and that makes it especially difficult to identify victims and sexual predators. These are all factors that contribute to failures to disclose. These are all factors that contribute to under-investigation and under-prosecution of sexual assault cases. In investigations, "believe the victims" is not intended to be a blanket conclusory statement; it's meant to be a starting point from which investigators start so they approach victims with empathy rather than suspicion. Investigators are still not very good at this. In the larger social context, "believe the victims" is intended to empower victims to come forward and to assure victims that they will not be disbelieved. As a society, we have a terribly long way to go with how victims of sexual assault are treated and how these cases are handled, but we can educate ourselves here and now so that when we hear accusations within our own communities, we can respond from a place of empathy and understanding instead of dismissal.
"No victim would ever do that" is never a true statement. "If they were really assaulted, they would have done this" or "they wouldn't have done that" is never a slam dunk conclusion. Every case is different. Every victim is different.
Here are some resources to learn more.
Victim Responses to Sexual Assault: Counterintuitive or Simply Adaptive? *note: this one is a bit old, from 2007. We understand more about victim responses now than we did in '07, but it's a good explainer.
Why Didn't They Tell? Counterintuitive Victim Behaviors * note: this one is formatted weird because it was adapted from a presentation given at a conference. Please note that there are very graphic stories of cases the speaker worked on.
Common victim behaviors of survivors of sexual assault
Rape Victims' Reactions Misunderstood by Law Enforcement
Introducing Expert Testimony to Explain Victim Behavior in Sexual and Domestic Violence Prosecutions * note: this is actually more a prosecutorial manual, but I'm including it so you can see how this works in real life, for those interested. The PDF is free, linked on the upper right.
Surprisingly, Netflix has done several series/documentaries on these issues which are fairly good. Unbelievable is a fictionalized version of a true story in which a victim was not believed by police due to her reactions, and eventually was manipulated by police into confessing that it was a false accusation. It was not a false accusation.
Netflix also has a documentary called Victim/Suspect, which is about how police respond to victims who try to disclose and end up being charged with making false accusations.
