hell to the liars.

that’s so kind of you to ask me, as if i have any understanding of the strange dynamics between the members of this secret agent, cody banks’ wet dream, all-star spy team that these arrogant assholes are on. but these are my suggestions, so hopefully the lot of them won’t come into my inbox upset because what i said is actually 100% true. i think MERCURY and PHOENIX need to stop lying to themselves about this friendship thing and just say ‘ i do ’ already. aren’t y’all tired of pretending like you’re just friends ? also, i think CYGNUS and CARNELIAN are meant to be, but that may just be my take on things. who else makes him smile that much, and who else could get her to come out of her shell ? i think we’re sleeping on them, honestly. and another couple i would love to see is SCORPIUS and CRIMSON … how hot would that shit be ? as for AURUM, HAWTHORN, HYALUS, and OPHIDIAN … if you guys stopped acting like virgins and gave off some big dick energy, i would be more than willing to pair you up with each other, but those aren’t the vibes i’m getting, soz babes. cheers !

i would like to see agent carnelian end up with a good, protective and all-around dependable person. so, someone like agent cygnus, who is responsible, reliable and a stand-up human being. of course, agents cygnus and carnelian are childhood friends and their dynamic is not at all like that. not to mention, agent cygnus is holding a candle for another special iee lady. i just mean someone like him. i’ll get back to you once any other person on the team shows an iota of agent cygnus’s dependability. 

i feel like MERCURY wails on one of his teammates once a fucking week honestly. first, he’s mad at agent crimson. next, he’s mad at agent cygnus. next thing you know, he’s mad at agents phantom and hawthorn. who’s next? all i can say is, i’ll be tuning out of this episode of the fists of the furious and catching up on some sweet hawthorn and phoenix dialogue. 

cute is an understatement. i don’t support anything that distracts the agents from their work, however, their chemistry is undeniable.

“WELL. i’m not sure how much of a “secret” this is, but agent crimson has a girlfriend. this i am absolutely sure about. perhaps without the LABEL, however, he has a regular, exclusive agent he is seeing. he thinks he’s so slick, skipping classes, disappearing in the short breaks i give you, coming back with lovebites and SEX-HAIR that screams ‘i just got jiggy with it’ in the storage room. oh, if the walls could WEEP, i swear to god.” she sighed, before adding, “my best bet is that it is either with agents scorpius or hawthorn, but i could be mistaken. honestly rather disappointed a top agent like agent CYGNUS hasn’t sussed this one out already.” / ft. @bclivar; @hawthvrn; @vngelina; @attwoods

“oh, my my, i would HAVE to say that i’m positively swooning for agents SCORPIUS and HAWTHORN from the IOA. have you seen those pretty eyes ? that incredible skin ? who says i need a reason other than that, huh ? but if we’re alright with getting a little NSFE in here, this is my real reason: i think i could have an absolutely wild night with little miss scorpius and wake up to sweet, sweet hawthorn tenderly taking care of me the next morning. can you say ideal ? anyways. from IEE, i’ll have to go with PHANTOM and MERCURY. have you seen phantom ? tall man… big feet… you know what they say ! and as for mercury, well. i could drown in those blue eyes any day – and nimble fingers don’t count for nothing. maybe he’s a little young for me, but who cares ? he has such a sweet face. 

ferox said some bullshit about ‘feeling lukewarm about all of them’, but lucky for you guys, i sweet talked her into giving me a real answer. that’s the power of duchess charm, baby. but i digress: she’s a fan of CYGNUS and CARNELIAN from IEE as well as CRIMSON and HYALUS from IOA. i actually remembered to take notes, since y’all know how distracted i get around a pretty lady. 

i guess you should go and tell “everyone” that, then. people DIE, agent. it’s kind of an occupational hazard. if agent phantom is so wounded, he may request a leave from the next mission so that he may grieve properly. i don’t believe shitty things happening to you excuses shitty behaviour. it just means you have decided to sink beneath yourself instead of rising above it. food for thought, kids! / @phvntcm

i believe agents mercury and phoenix are, in fact, dating and keeping it, as people say, “LOW-KEY”. nothing else can explain the strange and affectionate dynamic between the two. i have to tell them to stop kissing and hugging more than everyone else. it’s genuinely DISGUSTING. i hope they both floss. // ft. @merrcury; @haphczard

agent hyalus is TRULY an icon and one of my best agents. i don’t know the exact details of the library altercation, but based on my faith in hyalus’s abilities, i have no doubt she was in the right. / ft. @hyclus

i don’t support anything that causes one of my agents to be distracted, however, love is love. i always support my w-l-w. are their any girls you think nox works with in particular or is it a free-for-all type of deal. i PERSONALLY believe she and carnelian would make a wholesome good girl/bad girl pair. / ft. @mvtildas; @ncxisms