βIβm seventeen. Β Iβm doing my best to convince myself that weβre all beautiful in our own way, but itβs not so easy. Β I look at all the pretty things my friends have: their bodies, their lips, how they wear their hair, or their make-up, even their personalities. Β Some have such pretty personalities. Β I wish I could be one of those people who laugh and talk for hours without stopping. Β Instead I just hide in the back of class and try not to draw attention to myself. Β I wear baggy clothes. Β Anything not to be noticed. Β But Iβm trying to change. Β Iβm trying to get out of my comfort zone. Β Iβm searching for plus-sized models online. Β Women who are bigger, but still confident and beautiful. Β Iβm wearing less black. Β I never used to wear colors because they emphasize your curves. Β But now Iβm wearing colors. Β I even wore a dress recently. Β Not to school, of course, but to dinner with my grandparents. Β It was blue and had white flowers. Β My dream is to eventually go to the beach. Β The water was such an important part of my childhood. Β My grandparents had a little beach house and weβd go every summer. Β But I havenβt been to a beach in over five years. Β Well, I did go once. Β But I sat on the shore, and watched everyoneβs stuff, and took their photos for Instagram. Β Next time Iβd like to actually go in the water. Β Wearing a swimsuit. Β If I can do that, and have the time of my life, and feel that Iβm allowed to show myself, my insides and my outsidesβthen Iβll know Iβm finally where I want to be.β (Amsterdam, The Netherlands)
This is such a hard read Iβve always felt this kind of sad reasoning in terms of what I can and canβt do and itβs so hard to convince myself out of it
