Bona Fide Warlock of Sonic Drive-In

Me:

Imagine you’re working in a good-sized office building. It has a basement, but it’s always locked and you’ve never been there. One day your boss hands you the keys, tells you there’s a fax machine down there, and asks you to go see if it’s working.

You head into the basement, and it’s really creepy down there. There’s weird graffiti on the walls and like… mysterious arrangements of paperclips that you have no idea who put them there or why. But you are here, you have a job to do, you are good at your job, you are finding that fax machine.

And then suddenly a bunch of people you have never seen before jump out of nowhere, strike poses, rattle off some kind of motto and start attacking you. 

You book it back up the stairs and lock the door behind you, because, holy crap, there are people living in the basement, why did no one tell you about this. And naturally the first thing you do is blab to Security and by Security I mean that one ex-Navy Seal with all the tattoos who’s built like she wrestles grizzly bears in her spare time and somehow ended up on security detail in an office building right here at this point in your life when ordinary security will not suffice, because sometimes the corporate gods are merciful. 

And not only does she believe you, but she just sorta looks you over and goes “oh, yeah, those guys. I know who those guys are. Let’s go, I’ve got some unfinished business with them.”

And then to make situations way weirder there’s some other person who shows up around this time who has apparently been held hostage by the basement people for longer than you’ve been working here and she’s deeply alarmed by the phone system and she comes along even though she really doesn’t want to because you have Security on your side and Security probably benches I-beams, and you are totally confident you are going to kick these basement-lurking weirdos’ butts. 

QUEEN/KING OF _____???

PRINCESS/PRINCE OF _____???

HEIR TO _____???

GOD/GODDESS OF _____???

OVERLORD OF _____???

GUARDIAN/PROTECTOR OF ____???

THE PATRON SAINT OF ____???