Deep in a Bowl

“Are the ones who died in the incident the only victims? How can you compensate for those people who stayed alive and suffer for the rest of their life?”

The literal translation of the drama- Just Between Lovers might give the audience an illusion that this is an ordinary romance, the official English title “Rain or Shine” might be able to show the kind of vibes this drama gives.

The story is about the love story of two people who were both family members of the victims and survivors of a department store collapse incident. This incident is based on a real life event in South Korea in the 1990s. Pictures of ruins were shown in the title sequence of the drama. Apart from a collapsed building, there is a boat and a bridge. The collapse of Sampoong Department Store, Seongsu Bridge and the sinking of Sewol Ferry are collective memories for South Koreans and traumatic experience for many.

In the drama, the mother of the heroine lost her daughter, the younger sister of the heroine in the incident, and was consumed with grief and self-blame afterwards. A friend of mine who watched this drama said she could not stand this, and asked when the mother is going to come out of it, it has been so long after the incident already. It is such a common and real reaction for most people, when they come face-to-face with grief. Being with people who stayed grieving, we feel uncomfortable, even find it intolerable. We tried to say things in order to console them, like time heals, it is going to get better, others have even worse situations. As if these kind of words are going to make grief go away. As if when we say something, it means that we have done something and that we can end this uncomfortable situation.

Just like the “kind hearted” woman who asked the sad looking heroine to go to the church to pray (episode 10), when the heroine asked her, “What about those pain that one cannot bear?” She replied, “We can overcome it by praying.” Intentions might be good, and this seems to be an easy way to reply in such a situation but the words are useless. That is why the heroine replied, “What about those who could not bear it and died? I am not going to believe (in this).”

This scriptwriter knew that the first step of being heal is to stay in grief.

“Compared to the time when I got hurt, it is more painful when I got treated. If I knew it would be that painful, I would rather ask them to amputate my leg, just as if it had not exist before. It is good that I still got it though, otherwise it would be bad. The doctor told me then… if you need to treat the injury, you need to experience greater pain than your injury, it is only after that, then your wound will be healed.”

Time may not heal, but time gives the space for people to be healed.

“I kept waiting for the day when it would become better, and you know what I found out in the end? This day is not going to come. Sadness and pain are always going to be by our side, we can only accept it.”

These scars may be left forever in those who are hurt. When we feel uncomfortable with these scars, all we need to do might be to look at them directly. Whether these scars are on others or on ourselves.

In this winter, I am thankful that such a space was given to us by the production team.

(Originally published here)

P.S. Read about Sampyeong Memorial Tower here