Letâs talk about something that many find taboo and terrifying: The process of dying.
Many people die in sudden crashes, accidents, murdered and by suicide, but the majority of us will see a more natural way of dying. Whether that be old age, cancer, health problems and complications, etc. The point is that most of us will inevitably face our own mortality in the end, and thatâs a scary thing to think about.
People ask me a lot how I can handle hospice work, how I could be so strong to want to work as a nurse in the hospice field. The honest truth i tell them is that we are all able to do it, itâs a matter of learning to cope and stay strong not only for your patient and their families, but for yourself as well.
In the last year, I have had more experience with death, hospice, and the dying process as a whole, than I have in my entire life. I have found a special passion for the connection you create with someone in the hardest point of their life, when often times even family members have a hard time being around.
I didnât start like that, though. I was terrified of the concept of death when I started as a newbie in the caregiving world. I panicked at the idea of finding a dead or dying body in the bed. Of being around a cold corpse before embalming. Even at funerals, I would say things many found âinsensitiveâ because the idea of being around death was just so taboo for me.
Things changed as I began to be exposed more and more. I began to build connections with these amazing old folks, only for them to pass a week later. I started to feel this twinge of pain each time I found out and I hadn't had the chance to say goodbye.
I had started at the Nursing Home in fall of 2020, at the peak of the COVID-19 pandemic. Your entire vision of the world changes when you are the only connection to the outside world for a dying person and their family. We couldn't have visitors for almost a year, and when you hold a phone so a dying man can say his final goodbyes to family members via webcam, you donât walk away the same.
Some pass unexpectedly, some hang on for a week before their bodies final give in to dehydration. Some lose their mind and go through terminal restlessness and itâs heart wrenching to watch. But all in all, it ends up the same way. Tears, sadness, hugs, and often times relief knowing pain and anxiety has ended.
After I decided to work midnights on the Assisted Living side of the home, I had the honor of meeting one of the most amazing people I had the pleasure of caring for. For privacy reasons, we will refer to her as Bean.
Bean had late stage Parkinson's Disease. For those that donât know what that is, itâs a disease that effects the nervous system resulting in lock Jaw, but for the entire body. Itâs painful, causes hallucinations, and causes severe fatigue.
Bean was the most independent dying patient I have ever met. Some days she would sleep so deeply, she was a full check & Change, the next day she was up, using the bathroom, cleaning, changing clothes, wheeling around the building like nothing was wrong. Bean was determined to stay independent to the end. Bean was also amazing with finances. No matter what, she was focused on ensuring the numbers were in order, and everything was where it needed to be.
In her final days, Bean was bed ridden and unconscious, but very comfortable and peaceful. I sent most of my shift in there at her side, talking to her, watching her heart beat so strong between slow, spaced apart respirations.Â
As we pass like this, our bodies go into survival mode as your systems slowly shut down. Your heart will fight til the end. But you wont feel any of it, between all the drugs (depending on the case at hand) you will be in a painless dream state, with no anxiety or fear. For many, we will have already gone through the 5 stages of grief, and have accepted our fate and are ready to move on. In these moments it is very imperative that we tell our loved ones that it is okay to let go. We don't want them to suffer because we are too selfish to let go, itâs not fair to them. I canât stress that detail enough. I have seen far too many hold on because families couldn't let go.
Bean was ready, she had been for a long time, months before her final decline, she had talked about being ready to go when it was time.
I just so happened to walk into her room at 2:30am the morning she finally passed. I had left her side for about a half hour to do a few tasks, I walked into check on her, and knew this was it. Her heart became barely noticeable, her breath was almost non-existent. I stood at her side, one hand on her shoulder, one on her chest as she took one last breath, then nothing. I kissed her forehead and told her how proud I was of her for being so strong. The honor one feels when they are there for another humans final moments is something I wouldn't trade for anything. I was worried on how Id react, how it all would go, but it was so calm and peaceful, I had no feelings of fear or worry. The hard part had past, it was time to begin our mourning and celebrate the life we had the honor to meet.
No matter what you think, or anyone tells you, death is something we all go through at one point or another, why not help someone get through it while we can?
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