I Try

one time an old lady told me, unprompted, “you have long fingers.. perfect for pickpocketing, or playing the piano” and im pretty sure she was an oblivion npc

Kids with strict parents are more likely to survive horror movies because they know how to listen for footsteps. (source)

I was White Diamond from Steven Universe, but I had to eat to produce gems, “Like a spider!” Somebody said. I died twice in the kitchen and the Minecraft death screen came up, and I also ate a few people. I woke up very, very confused.

no reason for yall to hate raccoons theyre just tiny dogs in need of a loving n caring home

dogs dont have hands

and people say black cats don’t take good photos when clearly they take The Best photos

FUCK conversation starters, we only use conversation STOPPERS in this house! “Oh hi, how was your day?” “I’d peg Michael Myers.” BOOM! Conversation, dead in a flash!