i havent done this in a while and probably mainly because no one seems to care but i have no where else to turn but a emotionless computer screen that cant tell me anything and cant fill me up with false self-esteem statements to try and comfort my sadness so here i sit.....tired, broken, sad, and absolutley lost in myself. i have litterally had zero time to even think about how i actually feel. for a long time and i mean a long fucking time ive been broken, almost like someone stole my batteries or something and ive been on stand by everyday waiting to be plugged back in, but the thing is i dont even know how to do that anymore. for the longest period of time in my entire life i pretty much gave up on everything that made me happy because i stopped believing that everything you put your mind to will happen. ive lost everything in this world that makes me happy weather it be my love of my life or my stability in this world or friends whove actually cared ....ive pretty much lost it all..every single last thing ive cared about has just about walked away from me. on top of that ive been looking closely at where i am in life and it makes me sick to know i havent acomplished anything important in my life. i look at my life and all i can think of is the act i havent had a real friend in probably 10 years and ive never even had someone actually love me. you know how hard it is to walk around and know youve never been loved?! you know how much harder it is to realize that every single person youve ever loved or cared about has not thought about you in the same way youve thought of them? do you know how hard it is to love a brick wall? because that how ive felt my entire life. im tired of putting my heart on my sleeve and trying my hardest. most people i feel like have those couple friends that theyve known since they were little and they have relationships with people who have loved them like crazy but i just feel so damn alone :/ i feel like this everyday...everyday i feel likean even more empty meat vessel thats just taking up space and i dont even know how to fix myself :/ i guess its a part of growing up is losing everything and starteing a life that you have no interest in but it dosnt help this feeling in the pit of my stomach
