If it kills me...I'll never have to do it again

I do not understand how the world just goes on.

I have to go to work tomorrow. If going to the bank today is any indicator it's going to be a shitshow. I am just broken and empty but there is shit to do.

It was beautiful today and will be again tomorrow. My child will never see another beautiful day.

I am staying as numb as possible for now. I have company so it helps me hold my shit together but that will end at some point. The Valium also helps. When I feel, I feel broken. I feel like the sun shouldn't rise, the weather shouldn't be nice, the days shouldn't pass.

I am not quite sure how to function as a human at this point. I cursed the sun for coming up today.