I'm okay.
Alrighty. Update on my relationship status matter. To sum it up, I feel perfectly fine now. And instead of getting all upset when that guy that liked my best friend while we were dating tries to talk to me, I act civil, even though I deeply want to shank him. Then if he says something stupid, I block him. Simple. I've gotten to the point where I've completely gotten over the sadness he's caused me for the past half a year (including the time we were together). But I'll explain the whole situation that I went through. I'm not complaining or saying it because I want to sound like an attention whore. I just want to make what happened clear as a crystal.
So, we started dating last year. And he, (my most recent ex) made it seem like he was obsessed with me. Tricked me into falling for him. He was my friend for about a month or two and I somewhat trusted him. The first time we met, I was dating my first boyfriend, and we were in a group chat with everyone in our friend group. He was asking about my best friend. And he asked me, "are you her sister?" And, we (my best friend and I) tell everyone that we're sister's because it's annoying when people ask.
Anyway. I didn't know him at the time and assumed that he was a friend of someone's in the group chat because he was really charismatic, and accepted his friend request on Instagram (At the time I didn't like him because I didn't know him, so I accepted it because he was a friend of a friend).
After that, he was bothering me left and right. Asking for my Snapchat because he, "doesn't use Instagram a lot". I said no, because that would be too much, and my boyfriend at the time had a problem with his girlfriend's cheating on him. So I kept denying every time. Until I was so annoyed that I gave him it. Stupid. Fucking. Decision. Next thing I knew, he kept asking to video call. I didn't want to video chat with him because of how my boyfriend felt. I genuinely respected his feelings, and I didn't want him to get upset about it. He would call without asking, and it kind of annoyed me, but I thought that if I accepted it he would leave me alone. Nope.
One call lead to another and my boyfriend didn't like it. He started assuming that I had feelings for this guy, but I honestly didn't. My boyfriend got more and more distant, and I tried my hardest to make him feel better about what's been going on, because, I cared about him. I didn't care about how ridiculous this was. He would ask the guy if I was cheating on him, but he would say no. I got kind of annoyed by how my boyfriend was acting, so I distanced myself as well. Emotionally. Not physically. He would get butthurt if I did that.
He had wrestling practice everyday, so I used that opportunity to hang out with my friends at the park. The guy (most recent ex that my boyfriend thought I was cheating with) was there too most of the time. That made things a WHOLE lot worse in my situation. I didn't talk to him in person, but he would always bother me. Eventually, I started to become friends with the guy, but I didn't have feelings for him. And my boyfriend didn't like it at all. We talked about it, and I explained that nothing was going on. I was being completely honest.
Anyway. One day the guy said that he was going to do a flip off of a tall thing at the park, so I said "no. Don't. You'll get hurt." And my boyfriend took it the wrong way. He started walking away and actually started to cry. I genuinely felt bad for him because I made him cry just by saying a few words to the wrong person. But then again, I was getting angry because we talked about this and he still thinks that I'm cheating on him.
I walked him back to the school because he needed to go to wrestling practice. I remembered that I left my drink and chips at the park so I went back after I dropped him off. The guy kept telling me to break up with him because I felt like a horrible person while I was with him (boyfriend).
I left after that.
A few weeks pass and I've been feeling more and more horrible about myself because I haven't done anything, yet my boyfriend was pushing the "are you cheating on me?" Question on me every single day and he was freaking out by me just talking to my guy friends. That I knew before I met him. He asked the guy if I was cheating on him once again and he said yes(I assume out of annoyance). But I wasn't. And my boyfriend started breaking down and crying because he got "confirmation" that I was "cheating" on him when I WASN'T. LITERALLY ALL I DO IS TALK TO MY FRIENDS. THAT'S. IT.
We broke up a few weeks later, and he started flirting with other girls in less than a week. I felt horrible because that fucker told my boyfriend that I was cheating on him and expected me to be okay with it. He quite literally ruined my relationship and acted as if nothing happened.
To make things worse, my (now ex) boyfriend starts to date one of my closest friends that are girls.
A month has passed and I feel better ( a little). And I forgave the guy for telling my (ex) boyfriend that I was cheating. At this point, he dated at least 6 girls, so I told people that I "never really loved him" (which was a lie). I know. Fucked up. But, he never really loved me either, because he got over our relationship in 6 days.
The guy gave me a lot of attention, and I started to gain feelings for him. Soon enough, he got his friends to tell me that he likes me. I waited for him to ask if I'd be his girlfriend. That didn't happen. He got onto Snapchat and said "i like u a lot will u be mine?" Which I though was really cute at the time and really alluring. So I said yes.
He would subtly ask me who my best friend liked, so I said that she liked his brother. (Which was a lie because who tf would tell their boyfriend of not even a week who their best friend likes?) And he had this disappointed look in his eye. Very small, but still there. As if he was trying to hide how he felt. "Really?" He asked. "Why are you so concerned about it?" I looked at him a little annoyed. He looked away and changed the subject.
He would glance at her. Every few minutes. I barely noticed it but I knew that he did. I didn't think much of it, because I trusted him. But a few weeks into the relationship, he would do it more frequently. He wouldn't talk to her, but he would look at her a lot. He was always in a good mood (which I assumed because I was his "first girlfriend").
I was in good mental health at the time. The weights of my last boyfriend's mental issues and horrible anxiety problems have been long since been lifted. I was... Genuinely happy. A boyfriend who would pay a lot of attention to me, friends that would be nice enough to be by my side all the time. That period of time was amazing.
Then, my best friend got into a love triangle with my first boyfriend and a junior that I was friends with. I automatically got into a mood for a bit because my best friend was dating my first ex boyfriend. Who does that?
Anyway. I wasn't the only one in a mood. My best friends relationship worked out for a couple of months. I got over the fact that she was with my ex, though it was still awkward when I talked to her. BUT, my boyfriend at the time was always sour.
He started to take his anger out on me, by telling me that I'm not acting how he wants me to. That he "just wants someone to hold him and not act like an anime girl every two seconds". What the fuck kind of an insult was that? I act like an anime girl? All I do is smile when he hugs me and talk a lot to him because I adored him.
This happened a lot, And soon I felt horrible again. I couldn't even talk back to him anymore. All I could say was "sorry" when he yelled at me. I felt useless for nothing. For doing nothing. For being myself. I was scared to break up with him because I've seen him hit one of my guy friends for sticking up for himself when my (at the time) boyfriend said something rude about his mom.
He broke my friends tooth.
It was almost every night that he would tell me how much he hates me. One day, when my cousin came home from the army, my (at the time) boyfriend posted something on his story. Explaining his "crush". This struck me as odd, because he explained things that didn't happen between us. He wrote such sweet things about them and at the end, it said "send a ♥️ to get someone to describe"
But before I could send one, I got a text from him. I sent it really fast and then saw what he said. He sent me his story and said "do you want me to do you?" I got confused. And told him how I thought that it WAS about me. He said "oh yeah it was, my bad😂" I could tell that he was lying. He only sends that emoji when he lies.
At that moment I had a strong feeling that he was cheating on me, but I didn't bring it up. I was too scared to.
About two weeks later, I went to his house for the first time to go swimming with my friends, but I couldnt. I was expirencing girl problems.. It was hot outside, and I wanted to stay in his house for a bit because it was nice and cold in there. We decided to stay while my friends went to the pool. Not only was I having those problems, but I was cramping too. So I kind of wanted to cuddle on the couch to hopefully take my pain away.
That's not how he saw it.
He started to get really handsy and was kissing me a lot. At this point I was getting really uncomfortable. He pulled my shirt up along with my bra but I kept telling him to stop. I even tried to get away from him and tell him how uncomfortable I was with my body, but he wouldn't listen. I knew I couldn't do anything so I sat there trying to hold back tears. I was hopeless because he easily overpowered me when I tried to get away.
He wasn't satisfied with what he saw but pretended like he was. I understood what he felt, but I kept trying to make him stop.
During this whole thing I was scared. Once he was done doing what he was doing, he threw my cardigan at me (i took it off when I first came in with all of my friends) and told me that we're going to the pool. He went outside and I was trying to pull my thoughts together. To hold back all of the tears that were about to fall out of my eyes. I put my cardigan back on and went outside. We didn't talk at all the whole time that we walked to the pool.
When we got there, he acted like he hadn't seen his friends in ages. He took off his shirt and jumped into the pool. I didn't know how scared I looked until one of the people that were at the pool asked if I was okay. Of course I said I was, and acted as if I was happy.
When I was off my period, I went to the pool again. Because he wanted me to. I was swimming in my gym outfit, because I didn't have any swim suits. I called my mom before I got into the pool to come pick me up, because I knew that my boyfriend would be putting my legs around his waist and kissing my neck.
When my mom finally got there, she tried to meet my boyfriend, but he acted as if he didn't know that she was there. My mom's really stubborn when she wants to do something, so she didn't give up until he shook her hand and introduced himself. I was outside the gate, waiting for my mom to leave. Then he came and hugged me, But he looked angry.
He was yelling at me later that night, but it was worse than before. I said sorry and told him good night. I could barely sleep that night. I finally had enough of him. I had enough of feeling like a worthless piece of shit that can be used then thrown away. I tried breaking up with him, but he started crying and telling me all these sweet things that he used to tell me when we first started dating. I ignored him for a bit, but he replied to my story, tried to call me, and texted me over and over on all of my social medias. To shut him up, I took him back, but I think I did it out of fear. I didn't do it in person, so in person, his reaction would be different. I started thinking about the things he'd do to me.
That week, he acted as if I was a precious gem that needed to be kept safe. But that didn't last. That week my best friend broke up with my ex and he was in a good mood again. Really good mood. I wasn't a gem anymore. I was a trashbag. I think I explained what happened at this point in a different post.
Well he broke up with me for my best friend that didn't even want him. Two months later, (current time) he starts talking to me again. He kept sending me friend requests and it was getting annoying to decline them all. So I accepted one, And told him that I'll block him if he says something stupid. We had a normal conversation until he started acting like he did before we started dating. He sent me a picture of himself and told me to "snap back", but I said that I'd rather not. And sent him a screenshot of me saying that I'll block him if he says something stupid. Before the screenshot fully sent, he said "fuck you biiiiissshhhh suck my dick biisshh". I read it, but didn't reply.
The screenshot fully sent and he tried covering up what he said by asking "have you not seen that video?😂". Obviously not. I blocked him. That's the last time I'll even think hes being mature for once. I can't be near him without feeling scared. (It's summer still and he doesn't know where I live, so I'm not scared for right now) at school, I can't be in the same room as him without freaking out. I can't be near him this year. I won't.
Anyway, this experience has ruined dating for me. Maybe sometime in the future, I can get over this and try again. But not right now, and people don't understand that. I've been flirted with a few times in the past two months, and I explain that I'm not ready to be in a relationship yet, but they get angry.
Thanks for reading this. If something like this happens to you, tell someone right away. I didn't tell anyone with authority and I regret it.
