One More Album

My advisor: oh that's totally cool

Me: btw I'm thinking of going to this conference in our field with everyone else in the lab next year even though I'm not presenting

My advisor: nah, you don't even have things to talk about, what's the point?

Me: *lifeless stare at my ongoing research project*

1. Not everyone has the same computational background I had. In fact, in a highly interdisciplinary program, it’s rare for any two people to have the same background. It’s normal for a more senior grad student not to know linear algebra and still be able to do good research.

2. Always ask: why do we need this new thing? Often I just took papers for granted (too much textbook-reading rule-following probably), and don’t really think about the value they provide (if any). My advisor, in contrast, asks this literally all the time (and usually ends up questioning EVERY paper...).

Undergrads in the same lab as me now: let's talk about this hypothesis that I just came up with! Plus look at this ridiculous statistic! Also why did you only talk about apples?! What about oranges and octopuses?!

Philosophy prof I'm familiar with: when's your birthday?

Me: uhhhh some time during summer break

Philosophy prof: *nods* that makes sense given your personality

Me: ?????

--- END ---

--- Scene 2 ---

My future PI, probably: I have faith in my ability to tell stranger's personality by looking at their resting face

Me, basically unaware of this line of research: *went blank for a minute, trying to recall if I seemed normal during the initial interview*

--- Scene 3 (Flashback) ---

Closest friend of mine: dude you looked unapproachable I wouldn't have talked to you had there not been a mutual friend

--- END ---

Me: well shite can you tell my birthday too

“You study cognitive science, right? Do you think my therapist is good?”

????? I have absolutely zero knowledge about clinical psychology????? Would you like some predictions by Bayesian modeling?????

“As a cognitive science major, do you think I should take this non-counter medication without a prescription?”

????? When did I sign up for med school????? After six years of zero chemistry education????? Also please don’t?????

“Can you give me your pSycHOlOgY pErsPeCtIvE on my relationship with my partner?”

(He originally made a very ill-informed claim about LGBTQ+ and sexual assault, and I couldn't ignore it)

He also made claims in our convo like "anyone's claim would be bullshit by your standard". I mentioned "accurate belief" and he said "there's no such thing". I was so frustrated I was ready to throw all philosophy papers I have at him.

I packed my things, told him I'm sorry if anything I did hurt him. I'm not coming back to this space. I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to let others be aware that their argument could be biased, in a logical manner, but there's no way I can be myself without upsetting other people. This is so shit.

----

Honestly I would have done the same, and the only regret I have was that I yelled at him because I got tired of his whining and illogical defense. But the fact that he tried so hard to make himself look innocent and protect his self pride while making me look like the villain is just too shocking.

jfc why am I ruminating over this thing so much.

----

"Are you gonna be a fEmALe dOcToR?"

Wait I thought I just wanted to get my doctorate. Tell me more about this fancy "female" add-on.

"Are you gonna be a pRoFFeSSoR?"

Is that a job offer?

"What do you study?"

What do you think? I'll tell you if it's right or wrong.

"Do you have a boyfriend yet? You know, once you graduate you are gonna be like 30 and that's too late oh wait you can marry someone during grad school right? Anyways, you need a boyfriend."

Why do you care? Are you applying to be my boyfriend?

"I know someone who goes to that school for undergrad! Are you gonna see them in class? Can you take care of them?"

Will you pay me for my time that I could otherwise use to do actually important things?

Include one of the following phrase in every ten sentences or so:

"fk me"

"you should go fk yourself"

"shoot them out of space"

"Flipping Hell"

"Jesus Fking Christ"

"wut the actual fk"

"how about no"

"when did I sign up for this"

Me, in a rational alternative universe: no single section could verify complete correctness, so correctness in any section does not necessarily imply correctness in another

Me, in a slightly bitter universe: have you ever heard of edge cases, asking for a friend

*stood up without any trouble*

Me: huh this is not as bad as I thought

*continued to try with right foot in front*