lich, please

peace

“Lup–” he has a hand around her back instantly, present and gentle but anxious. He doesn’t know if she’s real– doesn’t know if this is some cruel joke being played on him, to have a loved one brought back just to witness their suffering– but he’ll do anything for her anyway. He’d fall willing into a trap to spare her any pain.

“Yeah, it’s– it’s the hole. You’re… back in the city. It’s been a little while for me, but I– I dunno about you.”

There isn’t much he can do for her here, but he tries to keep her upright. He starts to gently guide her, to see if she’ll come with him, and maybe they can get back towards the house.

“I’m here now. Just try’n keep calm, okay? How are you feeling?”

“How’m I... ...feeling...?” 

It’s a strange question for a multitude of reasons, the first and not least of which being that looking into the hole must’ve been a mistake. Black curtains linger on the edge of her vision, black glass forming at her feet as she walks, and the entire world feels like the dream she’s been led to believe it is. In the center of the fever dream is, of course, Barry, clearly meaning to be a comfort; as it stands, it’s just more confusing.

“I don’t... ...you didn’t know about the city,” Lup manages, voice only half there as she looks at him. “I--I tried to tell you about it, I tried to tell you they needed help, I tried to tell you about her and that she needed our help but you didn’t know...!!” She backs away from him a little, jutting a very unsteady finger outwards. “No matter how much I tried, I said, you didn’t know...!!”

She’s trembling; she swears there’s someone right behind her, right where she turned her back, and she whips around. Everything is closing in and distorting and she doesn’t know--she doesn’t know what’s real, she can’t tell, she--

“You said you believed me, though,” she realizes, even through her tears and unsteadiness. “You did, you were just... ...just confused, when I talked about it, but...”

“I knew I had to get back, because... ...because of her, because... ...of Kay. But--but I couldn’t get back. So then, no one knew what I was talking about, so I just thought... ...it didn’t...”

Everything is too hot. She takes a deep breath, trying to center herself. A flash of black curtains, and she backs up some more, then takes another deep breath to try to shake it off. “I--I dunno which one’s real. I guess I’ll figure it out if I wake up, like I usually do.”

“Okay, then. Let’s... ...let’s go.”

see you all on the other side of this hopefulyl

i regret to inform you, that my dad has tested positive for covid! he’s my caregiver and we have no way to socially distance, so if he has it, i either have it or will certainly get it soon

this year has been so hard and stressful, i am dropping out of Isola. i’ve had a wonderful time with all of you!!!! but!!!!! it is a hard year

i love you, please send good vibes our way, a kiss

bold what definitely applies to your muse. italicize what somewhat applies to your muse.

𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙸𝙰𝙽   »  toothy grins,  stories around the campfire,  clothes covered in pet hair,  hot  temper,  old jeans, heartbeat in head,  potatoes and steak,  beaded jewelry,  bruises like galaxies,  mementos,  backpack stuffed full,  craigslist furniture,  spontaneous road trips,  air ripped from lungs

𝙱𝙰𝚁𝙳   »  homemade bread,  white lies,  easily excited, trying on hats,  band geek,  pep talks,  no impulse control,  sunsets,  vintage fashion,  long showers,  selfies,  following dreams,  rosy cheeks,  song mash-ups,  pink lemonade with tequila,  loves easily,  animated storyteller,  full of comebacks

𝙲𝙻𝙴𝚁𝙸𝙲   »  list of wishes,  biting their tongue, band-aids and neosporin,  shoulder to cry on,  morning sun,  necklaces, trial and error,  homemade quilts,  formal clothing,  astrology fan,  messages  in  bottles,  pleated  braids,  speaking  up  for  friends,  feathers,  motivational  quotes, vivid  dreams

𝙳𝚁𝚄𝙸𝙳   »   bird watching,  shy kid,  wind chimes,  trying to whistle,  summer camp,  apple orchards,  lost in their head,  glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling,  hoodies,  thrift shopping,  saving worms off the sidewalk,  pig latin,  bare feet,  thunderstorms,  numb fingers,  braided hair,  naming potted plants

𝙵𝙸𝙶𝙷𝚃𝙴𝚁   »  goosebumps,  leather jackets,  adventure,  chewing nails,  cares deeply but can’t show it,  bronze locks,  no sleep,  taste of iron,  netflix binges,  never forgets,  combat boots, stories behind scars,  table for one,  official soundtracks,  sore calves,  trusts themselves the most

𝙼𝙾𝙽𝙺   »  always trying to be better,  wanderlust,  meditation,  sweat pants,  old  photographs,  yoga,  sleeping in hammocks,  nostalgia,  minimalist design,  a breath of fresh air,  baby animals,  volunteering,  perfectionist,  doesn’t care about fashion,  healthy snacks,  noticing the little things

𝙿𝙰𝙻𝙰𝙳𝙸𝙽   »  school uniforms,  thick jackets,  sleeping with the windows open,  logical advice,  scrapbooking,  compasses,  i fight for my friends,  sculpture gardens,  cold morning air,  big soul,  likes routine,  secret romantic,  last to get jokes,  sunflowers,  practical presents,  misty weather

𝚁𝙰𝙽𝙶𝙴𝚁   »   herbal tea,  smell of rain, blinking away tears,  camping trips,  collecting bones,  swiss army knives,  first impressions,  anxious thoughts,  bobby pins,  burnt marshmallows,  too competitive,  clothes lines,  messenger bags,  holding grudges,  gets along better with animals than people

𝚁𝙾𝙶𝚄𝙴   »   flirtatious sarcasm,  candid photos,  lost phone chargers,  adrenaline rush,  picking dirt out from beneath their nails,  social chameleon,  clashing clothes,  self-deprecating jokes,  claw machines,  sits in chairs wrong,  smudged eyeliner,  has too many sunglasses,  eats nothing or everything

𝚂𝙾𝚁𝙲𝙴𝚁𝙴𝚁   »  infectious laugh,  family trees,  shivers down their spine,  lipstick and roses,  mood swings,  clumsy,  believing in destiny,  high expectations,  sleeping in darkness, collection of nail polish,  passionate,  good grades but never studies,  poetry books,  blowing kisses,  not knowing their own strength

𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙻𝙾𝙲𝙺   »   knowing everyone’s secrets,  backpack covered in pins,  envy,  being in walmart late at night,  earl grey,  selective memory,  conspiracy theories and cryptids,  keysmashing,  need to know basis,  can’t cook,  bags under eyes,  experimental art,  flickering bulbs,  black clothing all year long

THANK U JOTH!!!! :3

{ Italic for what partly applies }

╳   FLAWS.

moody | short-tempered | emotionally unstable | whiny | controlling  | conceited | possessive | paranoid | lies | impatient | cowardly | bitter | selfish | power - hungry | greedy | lazy | judgmental | forgetful | impulsive | spiteful | stubborn | sadistic | petty | unlucky | absent-minded | abusive | addict | aggressive | childish | callous | clingy | delusional | cocky | competitive | corrupt | cynical | cruel | depressed | deranged | egotistical | envious | insecure | insensitive | lustful | delinquent | guilt complex | reclusive | reckless | nervous | oversensitive | self-degrading

♔   STRENGTHS.

honest | trustworthy | thoughtful | caring | brave | patient | selfless | ambitious | tolerant | lucky | intelligent | confident | focused | humble | generous | merciful | observant | wise | clever | charming | cheerful | optimistic | decisive | adaptive | calm | protective | proud | diligent | considerate | compassionate | good sportsmanship | friendly | empathetic | passionate | reliable | resourceful | sensible | sincere | witty | funny

🎨 SKILLS & HOBBIES.

Red

People with red soul colors are usually cheerful and active. They are optimistic and turn negative situations into a positive one. They are dreamers and visionaries, ready to aim high and achieve great things.

One thing this color is never short of is attention. Whether they’re actively seeking it out or getting it unknowingly, this color basks in the positive praise of others. Their charismatic and high energy personality draws people to them.

Often competitive, this color is always trying to outdo themselves. Perfection is a never ending goal, and they will constantly feel like they’re never doing enough. They’re always looking for new and exciting, often overlooking things that are a constant in their life and taking them for granted.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Some of the panic is subsiding. He’s still scared: scared of not knowing, of losing this connection, of losing the things he’s just barely keeping hold of somewhere in the depths of his mind. He’s desperate. But he’s starting to believe that it’ll be okay, somehow.

She mentioned space, before, and now stars, and travel. Something rings true there, something vast and dark and uncharted. Something angry and empty and perhaps not empty at all, eyes opening across the incomprehensible span of it, cold, but Lup is warmth.

Lup is a star in the swallowed darkness.

Unconsciously, he’s squeezing her hand so hard. He loosens the grip when he realizes, but he doesn’t let go either.

“I th–I think so?” It feels bad, to just think he remembers something, rather than just–remembering. But he knows what the stars look like, and he knows what being with her is like, right now, and he can imagine the scene with a clarity that doesn’t feel like just imagining.

“Okay,” he says, and it’s a commitment, a decision to be reassured by her words. “A… A trip,” he repeats quietly, because that means something. It’s connected to all of that about space, all of that warped enormity looming in the edge of his thoughts.

“It was–It was bad, wasn’t it?” A memory as simple as ‘a very long trip’ shouldn’t feel so huge and important and scary. Something ‘a long time ago’ wouldn’t be relevant now unless something went very wrong. “I mean–We didn’t–We meant to–”

His words get stuck where his brain does, and he looks into her eyes. He’s scared, and it’s obvious, but he’s also determined. It’s something big, lumbering at the edges of his mind. But– “I–I have to know.”

“Whatev–Whatever it–was.” His voice keeps breaking in irregular places, uncertain in a way he isn’t used to being. “It feels like–like something–important.”

Lup shouldn’t even bat an eyelash at this, so she doesn’t. It’s not at all surprising to her that Barry wants--no, needs--to know everything. That’s one of the things that defines him and the way he sees the world, and though sometimes he can get a little swept up in it, she loves it. She loves knowing that he’ll always try to get to the bottom of things with her, to explain things in a way that makes sense, to stare even scary and uncomfortable things in the eye. It’s brave; it’s charming; it’s important.

And she doesn’t want to think about how or why, but... ...he’s had too much taken from him already; her family, for reasons well-intentioned, still had so much kept from them, taken from them. Lucretia, Lup rationalizes, is included in this if anything; she lost years of her life, spent so much time alone. And then there’s Barry, this Barry in front of her and the one she saw earlier. Repeating his own name, seeming so utterly confused and robbed of anything.

So no, Lup’s not gonna keep anything from him. She makes that decision as soon as he presses. But it’s hard, because she doesn’t want him to have to re-experience all that grief and pain and confusion that losing Twosun meant. She doesn’t want to ravage his brain with something awful before she’s even had a chance to tell him the good things.

“It’s okay,” she says, when he seems unsure of the stars. “You’re doing great, okay? I’m right here.”

In typical Barry fashion, he starts to ask questions.

Lup takes a deep breath.

“Yeah, babe, it... ...it was bad. We were only supposed to be on the trip for two months, but um... ...we watched our planet’s end. From the ship.” She tries to sound soft while also remain resolute enough inside herself to have this conversation, taking a deep breath. “And I--I’m not gonna hide that from you. There were a lot of times where things were bad, real bad, and scary. We were up against something big and bad and horrible.”

But she holds tight to his hand, not even registering any discomfort she might feel at how much he’s clinging to hers. “But sometimes, we were the only ones who could be, and we... ...we saved a lot of people, too. We helped a lot of people; we saw a lot of different cultures and civilizations; we learned how to talk to sentient animals.”

She runs that thumb over his hand again, light and gentle. “We... ...got really close. I... ...I don’t want you to feel bad or obligated to remember. I promise, I--I don’t mind, I’ll always be with you. But I’ve known you... ...for one hundred years. And I’ve, um. ...I’ve loved you... ...for a good chunk of that.”

She risks that smile again, trying to reassure.

“I know... ...that’s a whole lot to process. Please, don’t strain yourself too much; I only tell you all this because... I know you deserve the truth. I know how much you need it. And I know... ...you’d want to know. So I--I hope that’s okay, I don’t want to stress you out--”

Her voice cracks, just a little.

Please, don’t cry.

“--but I... I really, really, really... ...care about you. And when I say we can get through anything? I mean anything. I just want--I need you to know that. I need you to know you’re strong; I need to know we’re strong. And we’ll get through this. Okay?”

So even though she’s shakier, raw with emotion, and so sick of being forgotten...