One Cacao

Being firmly in the present, I find no room for contrary thoughts or disparate allegations. I am aware of what's on my mind, but I give it time to reveal itself.I've learned to follow the movements of the heart, yet think differently.

Remembering that all that glitters is not gold is crucial. Within me lies the creative gene, a potential to be the guide for those who cannot see, helping them to stay intact.

This capacity within me promises a tremendous opportunity in the coming days. I continue to study the ways of things, observing their flow. It's important to release myself, to not hold back, as I notice my tendency to do so.

I give in to conversations without overthinking, expecting the best outcomes to arise from this freedom. Those moments, though few, are memorable.Now, I allow this newness of life to flow through me, holding no concerns for tomorrow.

Keep an open mind and trust that every encounter leads to something good.

The outcome might not be what you intend it to be, but know that you are integral in that chance meeting.

Imagine how the universe conspired to make that happen for you and that other person.

How about those dangerous encounters you hear about each day? What about them? Were you there?

Yet, even your hearing or seeing, the heartwarming or the gut-wrenching emotions are there for a cause.

What can be done? The present cannot be altered.

What changed is you and the opportunity that event presented you.

Do not get stuck on deciding good or evil.

Only respond to the still, small voice that says, 'This is the way, walk in it'.

Every time I see your face

Every time I look behind my eyeballs at the memory of you

I see nothing

But a beautiful and intricate scene

Cascading flowers, light and imagery

Waters flowing in a different dimension

Elements unfolding beyond perception

The things I used to look for

Which tormented the heart

Of sleepless nights and days on end

Listening to expert commentary with nothing said

Lines were drawn with contention and no resolution

Yet when I see you

Somewhere, I know I should be angry or upset

And feel that something quaking or shaking apart

A desire for, to be fulfilled by or with a should, a need, a want

But I see nothing but a reflection looking back

And I know that I've truly forgiven myself

No peaking behind in the now

All that you can see "is"

Take a chance on you cause I ain't leaving

Give it all you've got this one more last time

Don't believe the thoughts in your head

Not lose your sobriety, stay focused

Find that one good thing about you

Hold on to it, let it keep you

Never give up, you're not alone

There is always someone watching you

Praying for you even if you can't believe it

Everything happens for a reason

I'm here for you, I'm not leaving

In some ways you're kinda like me

Living in this world, dreaming a dream

Hoping that things would be great some day

Not that they aren't now but we humans

We tend to look for something better

Sometimes we might be depressed

And it might get the better of you and me

But if you wake up tomorrow, you should know

That this life, the one you're now living was worth it

We have no time to give up because we lost face

You think that you are broken but that is not true

Did you make yourself? Did you?

Or did you not do the best you could with whatever life dealt?

So know this!

You are more than you think you are

Far more precious too

Just because you didn't have or couldn't

Despite all that you wanted to be and wasn't

It's all about the path you take, the choices you make

To leave behind something you cannot take when you die

It was given to you at birth, a prophecy

Letters that spoke about your destiny

The roads you should travel, the marks you you will make

It's your name if you haven't figured it yet

The connection to your soul

The I am and I will be, all that I'm meant to be

I never liked mine until I learned this

How I spurned it one time because one too many people spoiled it

But I have found myself, my name says all that about me

I wear it proudly!

You've given me so much time to spend with myself and the ones I'm supposed to love the most that I am beside myself. Trying to put the best foot forward inside of a difficult situation, but the truth is, I've been busy all this time doing things - pretending. Expecting that everything I need will be given just because I showed up. Then I realize that my kids want to be with their friends not me. And my spouse is there because ... I'm not really sure. You see, I've been used to doing my own thing, living by my own rules, thinking that kids should be seen and not heard, that wives should submit to their husbands but those sir are the very wrong words.

Now that the business, I mean the busyness is gone and I can't find toilet paper in the stores and I'm starting to see that the world didn't really revolve around me. All this time I've been praying for myself, asking for this, seeking that, when others have been paying dearly and I was ignorant to their cries.

Here I am, chilling in my crib because I've got a fridge stacked with ribs and booze, a different one to choose each day. But with no neighbors, no friends to watch the game with, my kids playing Fortnite and my spouse watching reruns - I've had some time to think. To prioritize, to realign my perspectives. Just yesterday I heard myself criticize some people for being in the streets, congregating in the market instead of being home trying to be safe. But then I was told, that their worries are not about 401k's or student loans, they're still not sure they'll be paid next week, so they're out hustling, desperately trying to make ends meet.

Hello, if you can hear me, I think I'm starting to get it and I hope to never forget the little things that matter most. I used to think it was only the big things, I was programmed that way. It was the next big win at work. It was so much about being self made, me being the man.

I used to think that I knew what fear was but I don't. I'm not a bad person, but the pollen affects my allergies and I'm afraid to sneeze for fear that my neighbors might think I'm infected and further isolate me. My kids are going crazy because they're used to the teachers being right, not me. They have no friends to play with and it's pressures all around.

And I have to face some truths I've been hiding from. That life is really at home and the little things do matter. Just because I'm the boss it's not my place to treat my staff like grass. I cannot hide behind religion and can't demand respect if I'm not even sure how to give it. That money is a means, not the end. That the pursuit of happiness is elusive and reason or meaning is what I should strive for instead. That I can be happy with the lot that I'm given, and not get angry when someone isn't like me. That I should be more attentive to my environment and act responsibly if I want fresh air to breathe.

Hello. I hope that I'm here tomorrow and I pray that everyone suffering will get better. I also hope that when it's over, that we, this world will do better with life after covid-19.

Amen

The less you criticize yourself for what you did, the easier it will be for you to move forward.

The better you judge yourself, the more confident and successful you will be.

Whatever happened, was, and you can't go back there, let it go.

I was arrested today

Guilty as charged

Stolen identity

They caught me

Locked up in prison

Just like a sparrow

Crashing into the walls of my cage

Intent on escape

Hands, fists, heart bleeding

Thinking

That just like my brothers and sisters

I too am arrested

Just for being, someone

Er, someone I'm not

Still trapped inside this cage

Wrapped up like a Tootsie roll

Sticky from sweat

Perspiration trickling from my brows

I'm desperately afraid

My one free call was unanswered

And so I sit here

Imagining what my life could have been

If all along I had just lived as me

See

I was given a name

I did not like it

A handsome face

But I hated what it looked like

That reflection in the mirror

I don't want to be here all my life

Living as someone else

Tied to these walls

Fettered with chains all around me

Desiring to be someone else

When all that I want

My entire being is screaming to be me

And come out alive

Behind these bars

Fettered with chains

I hear my name being called

And I answered for the very first time

I'm not who you think I am

Not what you want me to be

I can't, not anymore

I'm not that frightened sparrow

Because even in captivity

I can still be me

Despite all that's happened between us

Amidst our ups and downs

The time when we could not see each other

Eye to eye

When I was the meanest and you ...

Words cannot describe how I felt as you ...

And though I swore that this would be the ...

Last time there could ever be an us or we

I was hoping

Although we might have never met

But our paths have crossed in some way

Cause I was the one who cut you off that day

Or maybe I have wronged you some other way

That you could, perhaps, maybe ...

I don't always like you, I must admit

Sometimes I might have wished we'd never met

But you my family, lover, my friend, dear enemy

Did something - pushed me, touched me, yanked my chain, hurt me

I still don't think I'll ever forget

I was thinking

That tomorrow our paths may never cross again

And all this sorrow we have caused each other

I would treasure if you were gone from me forever

That I would laugh and hopefully you would too

And think of the fools we were

Starting a war for nothing

I was hoping

That the wrong I did, you could forget

That the pain I caused, you could forgive

And the hurt that exists would be like, worth it

I think it, and I know I can

But will you please, if your heart permits, f***ive me?

Even as I close my eyes to sleep

You are with me

When I'm far away in some distant place

You are near

Though I walk in the valley of some dark places

I will not fear

And while I hold on to what I believe

I must admit, at times I'm a little shaky

You never leave my side

I am with you, and you with me

What can my lips say to you that my heart has not already said

I will say it no matter how silly it might be

I want to want to want more from you

That holding on tightly to me will not give

But by letting go I will be free

Free to fall into your arms again

I want to want to want

To draw near, to see things

And hear sounds like which I've never heard before

And yes I know that I cannot see you as I want

With these eyes of mine

But I see you all around me

I hear you tell me to go out, to come

To walk, and at times to run

So I know that I want to want to want

And you desire me to have

To believe in myself, to know that I can

To have faith in you and me too

I thought i was far away

But here I am

Hineni!

Inspiration

Dedication

Tranquility in my mind

Like lemonade - a little tangy, a little sweet

Refreshing

Intimately pursuing

Languishing in this ah so sweet bliss of you

Kissing your lips

Missing you

It is you I love

Can't wait till the day's over

Mmmm

I love you!

Sometimes we must make the hard decision

And push somewhere beyond ourselves

Letting go of our feeble discomforts

The ones we fear to let go

At times we search for the reason

Though the answer is there before our eyes

We are blinded by his reality, or hers

What she wants, what he needs

What they think I should do

Who she thinks I should be

I think about the birds, and trees

I think about the bees

That every one is made different

To think, if they do, and act differently

With paths crossing each day

Always in their own lanes

Rarely colliding

Why do we try to be what we're not?

And ignore what we're suppose to be

Doing this, liking that, when none of that matters

And we know

We become miserable, agitated, stressed out

High blood pressure, low blood sugar, cardiac arrest

The world waits for the best of us

But we are hardly present

It's time to put off what bothers

Leaving it behind, letting him or her fend themselves

Lending always a helping hand

Letting go of the urgent, finding time for us

To be us

Sticking to the rules of the road

Stay in your own lane, and always your own lane

That's where you belong