OneCouch

I tried being alive.

I tried to be happy.

I tried to Enjoy.

I really tried.

My suicide is inevitable

It's the only thing that makes sense for me

'But what do you do when it happens?'

The only thing you can. Hope you stop loving them.

'And if you don't?'

You always came first in my heart.

I loved every part of you with my entire soul,

I would stay up late praying for you, praying for us.

But the sad truth is sometimes our best is not enough,

I couldn’t give enough for you to be beside me on this cold night.

Instead you sleep far away from me, all alone with fear that you could have never imagined before in your tender heart,

And I lay here wide awake at 5am, thinking about how to reach you as the distance cuts into me like a knife.

Maybe if I had loved you better, I would be lying here with you in between my arms as I run my fingers through your soft hair,

Maybe if I had been stronger, I wouldn’t have to write this as pain gushes out of my heart.

There’s only one thing I can say to you, my baby,

I do this because i need to remember bot to fall for another

To never trust another

Because only one thing is certain in this world

How dare you to be so lovely and cute beyond measure and have shared all that stuff with me. You know that it will never repeat with anyone else bc I didn't even know people can actually talk about such things. It was so perfect, it was exactly what we needed and I still fucking need it. I fucking miss it so much. I miss normal stuff too but this was just so special and will never repeat.

I fall for you