[ ... hello, dash, Iâm not sure why Iâm here either. long time, no see, to those of you whoâre still around. call it a sense of nostalgia, maybe.
whatâs up, whatâs been happening. how are all of you. ]
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@oncehymned
[ ... hello, dash, Iâm not sure why Iâm here either. long time, no see, to those of you whoâre still around. call it a sense of nostalgia, maybe.
whatâs up, whatâs been happening. how are all of you. ]

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of-will:
Yeah, well, The Truth Hurts.
⌠that is the sound of Ludger frantically trying to think of a way to not admit he has no idea what the answer is - he just assumed it was because his pain was funny, or something.
Heâs far more existent than certain other muses we can name or think of! Like Sir Not Appearing in this Manga, Sir Iâm the Main Characterâs Other Personality Who Exists Only To Be The Final Boss, Sir Was Mentioned Vaguely and Only Got Characterization in a Single Gaiden Manga Chapter, Sir Retconâd Out of Existence, Lady My Canonâs Continuity is Full of More Holes Than Swiss Cheese, Messrs. Posthumous Characters...
... oh, foolish little brother. You never do change, do you...
of-will:
Bro, you only half existed in canon, this is hardly any different.
âYeah, but⌠shouldnât they have other things to do by now?â
R u d e ?
âWhy are you asking me when you know the answer to that as well as I do?â
of-will:
âLiterally why.â
âProbably the same reason I still only half-exist in limbo, really.â
People pay attention to them now. Rather than feel glad about it, Julius feels sick, and nauseous, and a whole host of things that could have been worrying but really only just amounted to him not feeling like heâs enough. And then he feels guilty, because people are giving him their attention and instead of being thankful for it heâs feeling bad about it, and thinking ungratefully that he misses before.
Before, when his father was Mr. Bakur Sir instead of something immeasurable and vast that he has to measure up to anyway, when Julius was all but a ghost in the manor. When his mother was still alive, and he didnât know how he wasnât good enough. Not strong or brave enough to save anyone, too weak to do anything but run away and hide while people died.
At least, he thinks he knows why people didnât like him before. He wasnât doing enough. Not like his father. And he understands now, that their family has an obligation, a duty to help everyone else. He didnât know, before, and not knowing had made it seem like he didnât care, so it only made sense. All this time Julius has been wallowing in his loneliness and isolation, and thatâs wrong, really. Heâs been selfish and self-centred. You have to deserve acknowledgment. You have to work for it.
âWe will,â he whispers in a hush, looking up. âRight?â Magnhild drapes herself over the crown of his head in the form of a margay, slips down onto his shoulder, then curls into the crook of his neck. She doesnât say a word, even as her gaze flits momentarily over to the pristine casket at the head of the room. âItâs a promise,â he says. âWeâll be enough.â
Her form flickers. Julius swallows thickly past the lump in his throat, letting his words ring out in the empty room, void of life save for a seven year old boy and his soul.
âWe have to be.â

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[ did I say I was back I meant âholy shit why did I ever think a 7 day week was a good ideaâ
no worries, Iâm still around, that thing nearly a month ago wasnât a oneoff thing, I just donât really have actual sitdown time to look at drafts and bang em out in that sitting, yeah? just means I uh, have to go back to old habits with carrying sticky notes literally everywhere and get over my issues with the useless excuse of coding thatâs the mobile app. ]
The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. And thatâs what youâve given me. Thatâs what Iâd hoped to give you forever.
Nicholas Sparks, The Notebook (via booksquoteslove)
K.A. Tucker, Four Seconds to Lose
Ludger shook his head, smirking. He loved Julius, but man did he have issues with colors. Still, he guessed he couldnât blame him for wanting to stand out among all of the other agents, all things considered. And Bisley was⌠he suppressed a shudder. Bisley was Bisley; that was all there was to that.
Did he really have to physically count? Ludger knew what one and two looked like, but whatever gesticulations he was insistent on he supposed. He grinned. Of course his idea was a good one. And now Julius was trying to make him radically change his own wardrobe. That didnât make any sense⌠If he could just egg this conversation on, maybe the shops in the area would close and he could avoid this awkward excursion for another dayâŚ
Oh wow did he actually look embarrassed? So he did remember what he had done to the last load of laundry that heâd attempted. He grinned. âThatâs a good start,â he said, crossing his legs as he leaned against his desk. He honestly didnât mind doing the laundry, whether simply by acclimation or due to the fact that the smell of detergent was just really relaxing. But that didnât mean that Julius shouldnât at least learn itâŚ. besides, bleach was what irritated him more than anything. Ludger wasnât intending to always be the go-to for Juliusâs laundry; what if he got a girlfriend, or Ludger himself did? What if Ludger or Julius moved out and then the awkward conversation of âI canât do laundryâ came up? Thatâd be, albeit hilarious for the younger, more embarrassing than a few accidental pink undergarments. He waved his hand flippantly. âEhh, weâll get you started on remedial lessons eventually. I donât mind, but itâs a good thing to know.â 'Since you know clearly how to soil clothesâŚâ
Look, at least inkstains probably wonât be as much of a chore to get out as blood was. ...Are they? He wouldnât actually know. Not that heâd made a habit of coming home with bloody clothing or anything of the sort, not the least because it would have attracted unwanted attention to enter the apartment complex in such a state.
Coffee spills on the other, more mundane, hand, well. Fair. They just donât make interns like they used to.
âRemedial lessons, ouch. Guess I canât really say anything, considering, but still...
âWell,â said Julius, clapping his hands together with a renewed energy. âWeâll get to that when we get to it. For now, why donât we use one of our last few precious days of freedom--â from the horrors known as bureaucracy and paperwork and the task of restructuring an entire megacorp in the wake of the Trial, at least-- âto get out of our apartment and get some fresh air?â
And you the start of an approriately Vice-President worthy wardrobe, but Julius figured that didnât really need any more reiterating,
The dramatics were unnecessary. Ludger rolled his eyes as Julius grabbed the gel packet; it was only natural that Julius would deflect any demonstration of concern that he showed for him. But he still took the gel, and that was what was important. âOverkill or not, it gives me some peace of mind.â Though the tone made it clear that his true sentiment was more along the lines of âjust take it and shut upâ. Ludger wasnât debating this.
And it seemed for good reason. His brotherâs breathing eased, and while there wasnât much physical indication of a status change, there was something about him that seemed more lively. So, it perhaps was just mana exhaustion. Or it could just as easily have been Julius hiding whatever ailed him for the sake of not concerning Ludger⌠he suppressed a sigh. Perhaps truly gone were the days that Ludger could just blindly trust his brotherâs words. If there was something heâd started to come to grips with, it was a healthy level of suspicion toward⌠well, just about everyone. Bothered as he was by this, it just meant that he had to persist.
âSo are you happy now, or are you still going to insist I eat the Apples too?â
In instant response, Ludger held out the Apple gel adamantly. âTake.â A beat, ââŚÂ Just in case.â Whatever he was doing with his left arm was enough to strike some degree of worry in him. It wasnât actually an uncommon motion. Juliusâs left arm always seemed to disagree with him. However that didnât change anything. What with everything going onâŚ
This time, however, the line of Juliusâ mouth thinned as he came to a still. Give an inch and he goes for the mile, huh?
Well, expected reaction or not, he had to draw the line somewhere. Picking his battles didnât mean caving to every one of his little brotherâs whims, after all.Â
âAll right, donât go pushing it now. You should be rationing these out, Ludger. Donât go overboard with this when the most I might even have are a few scrapes,â Julius said, firmly. Somewhat more gently, he added, ââJust in caseâ still applies to you too. ...And I meant it when I said earlier that all I needed was an orange. Maybe itâll actually sink in this time if I repeat myself.
âThink of it this way. Itâll give me some peace of mind to know that youâll have the gels on hand in case something happens, rather than wasting them on injuries I donât actually have. This goes both ways, little brother.â

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For all of his hooping and hollering, at least Julius seemed relatively calm. That was the most he could ask for, really, considering the circumstances. Ludger rolled his eyes. Yes, of course it would be challenging to make an entrance subtly into Spirius headquarters; he hadnât been expecting them to roll out the red carpet or something. But that wasnât about to dissuade him. He had a mission, a goal, and if a little bit of turbulence was enough to get him to cop out, then he⌠didnât really care for his brother as much as heâd first thought. So there, it was decided.
Okay, never mind, there went the calm heâd had. Ludger clutched the GHS tightly in his hand. Damn it, heâd never realized how much he enjoyed having a voice until heâd lost it. Sure, he hadnât utilized it quite as well as he could have in the past, but now, there was some small degree of satisfaction in yelling, he noted. Somehow text messaging just didnât do the trick. But it was all that was available to him. Heâd have to make due.
[ They were trying to kill you. ]
  [TEXT â> ] : yknow i think i caught that
It would have taken a complete imbecile to miss it. In retrospect, at least. At first, heâd missed it entirely (and so had the swordâŚ) The only reason Julius was in his current state was entirely due to their attempt on his life. That was what made it so imperative that he remedy the issue, so quickly. Though⌠why did they want himâŚ? He couldnât even conceive a reason. Julius was a top agent, a figure head among the organization that was well known. If the original aim had been him, that would have made sense. But aspiritious little brother with no solid connection besides degrees of separation? He couldnât wrap his head around it. Still, he couldnât imagine Julius knew much about it either, otherwise heâd have probably had a better solution to the issue than⌠well, than the one heâd enacted.
[ ... Ludger, please, please donât do anything reckless. ]
No promises, he thought ruefully. He wouldnât say that though- no need to add salt to the wound when it seemed he could possibly be getting what he wanted.
[ Just tell me, what do you think youâll even be able to accomplish? ]
That⌠was a bit more uncertain. He wanted them to reverse what they had done, to put Julius back to normal. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach that his ideals were a bit too extreme and impossible to accommodate. But that didnât stop him from hoping, at least. What was the phrase- shoot for the moon, land in the stars? If they couldnât completely fix what theyâd done, surely there was some sort of fail safe that was in place in case of accidents. Surely they couldnât have just wanted to wantonly kill people and put them in some techy-sword-thing. That⌠no one was so crass. Well, he hoped at least.
With a heavy sigh, Ludgerâs fingers flew.
  [TEXT â> ] : youre gonna be pissed when i say i dont have specifics   [TEXT â> ] : but end goal? fix what they broke   [TEXT â> ] : one way or another, this is going to be remedied   [TEXT â> ] : âŚ. im willing to accept the risks
[ Youâre right in that regard, at least. Iâm absolutely livid that you could think to risk yourself like that without thinking it through. ]
[ ... All the same. I really canât talk you out of this, can I? I mean. I guess I could try, given... how things are. But something tells me itâd be a waste of time and effort. Wouldnât it? ]
The sword that now housed his consciousness was powerful, Julius knew already. Something like a paintbrush-- if the canvas was reality itself, as least from what theyâd gleaned of it. Given that no one actually knew where its limits lay, what Ludger wanted wasnât necessarily entirely implausible, though it was just as likely that it was.
(Say that, somehow, Ludger succeeded. He got back into Trigleph. Made his way into Spirius. Stormed it, or whatever it was he was planning. Or not planning, as it were.
Did all that, but he couldnât be âfixed,â as Ludger put it.
...What would his brother do then?--
--Stop, end. No good will come from this line of thought.)
[ Willing to accept the risks, you say. One way or another. ]
Julius allowed himself to chuckle, humourlessly. It came out a little more frayed than he would have preferred.
[ I know I canât convince you when youâre that determined, little brother. ]
He couldnât do anything at all, in fact. And that, more than anything, was what terrified him.
âşâş what if the train hijacking didn't happen
Send me ââşâşâ to see what my muse would be like if an important event in their life didnât happen.
âVera, please.â
In a negotiation, one was supposed to do it from a position of strength. Julius had done it often enough in his work, both the role the public was aware of and the one they werenât having necessitated it. He knew that, and itâd become ingrained in his mind as a rule, so that was why the steel hadnât left his voice even as it dipped towards something dangerously soft.
(Dangerous for him, that is. Negotiate from a position of strength.)
The inaugural trip of the ceremonial train to commemorate the completion of an Elympian food plant was a big event, especially in a country that had been struggling with shortages prior to the fall of the Schism. Consequently, both the president of Spirius and his personal secretary were present. It was only to be expected, and as director Julius also wouldnât have been out of place, but that wasnât why he was here.
He needed to keep this brief. Ordinarily it would have been difficult to speak to her on her own without arousing some form of unwanted attention, but the circumstances as they were were an opportune moment. Not perfect, but good enough. Just so long as he resolved this before Bakur joined them.
(He didnât have much to offer her. Calling it negotiation was a stretch.)
âThe lives we lead arenât for everyone. You know that,â Julius said, watching the woman with a guarded expression. âYou were the one who suggested to Nova that she try for the bank, after all. Even though you knew her skill with a staff, and that she wouldnât be exposed to the more esoteric portions of our duties.
âWeâre the same in this, I hope.â If he hadnât misjudged her. âAll I ask is that you donât inform the president, and revert the records to what they were.â
He found itâŚhe finally found a lead on what happened with JuliusâŚbut what cost? How was he going to tell Ludger all of thisâŚ?
That was a good question. It seemed like the AI was still helping him but was trying to be as neutral as they possibly could. He didnât answer at first as he started to retrace his steps back, âIâm too lateâŚwe were too late. What does it matter what I do nowâŚâÂ
He cradled his head in his hands, as if trying to search for what would be the next definitive move at this point. He found the answer he neededâŚbut was that really it? Was that all he could do? Would Ludger accept an answer like that?
Ludger would be devastated. And he knew it.Â
Golden lifted his head once more at the screen, âSeriously, why does it matter? You make it sound like thereâs more that I can do.â What could he do? He was just a hacker, he could destroy Spirius from the inside outâŚbut that wouldnât bring Julius back.Â
âI wasnât trying to imply anything of the sort. I simply reasoned that you couldnât have gone this far without at least entertaining the idea, though in the end I suppose your desire to deny the possibility was strong enough that you made no plans for what youâd actually do if it came down to it.â
The synthesized voice was deceptively light, though clinical and sharp in delivery. Whether a product of the speakerâs nature or otherwise, it continued.
<!--Unfortunate. You see, there is enough of Julius left in me that I was going to offer my aid in whatever it was you had planned.-->
âIn any case, I hadnât expected you to simply give up so easily after digging this far. You canât tell me you really didnât expect something like this?â
Yeah Julius didnât look too great. But would he be somehow offended if Ludger offered him gels? Probably- hell with his body language, Ludger half considered that his earlier compliment to the teenâs skills had been taken wrong, too. Especially once it had been immediately dismissed. He pulled back a bit, biting at the inside of his cheek. âEfficient, no, but youâve gotta admit it was effective.â he offered, shrugging with a sort of trepidation.
His older brother had an impressive glare. While he was a master of masking the majority of things, he was almost never able to hide when he was clearly looking for something (and Ludger had gotten used to that look often enough to know that he was pretty much vulnerable to it at any given time). It seemed this version of his brother had a similar skillset, leveling a scrutinizing glower against him that made him half tempted to leave. After all, it was clear he wasnât the catalyst- heâd have reacted-, so why was he still here other than⌠well, morbid curiosity, he supposed. This was nothing like the Julius he had known growing up⌠and if the man wasnât going to just tell him about his life, then Ludger would just have to find out for himself. Didnât he at least deserve the truth? Didnât he⌠shouldnât Julius at least give him that much?
He gave his head a succinct shake. He was owed nothing and he knew it, but it didnât make the situation any less frustrating.
âI should thank you for the intervention, though. It simplified things a lot.â
Ludger perked back up, meeting the otherâs eyes with a bit of surprise. He hadnât really done all that much- just offered a distraction and some artes. With something like that huge arte under his belt, Julius clearly had it handled. And what was with that face? Sure, it was a bit relaxed, but there was still a strain to it. Maybe he wasnât used toâ
Oh hell he was a stranger wasnât he?
Wait, no, surely heâd recognize Ludger, right? Oh but wouldnât that be worse than anything else? Maybe it was the hair- Julius hadnât ever seen him with the hair dye before in this verse. Or maybe he was overestimating how old this Julius was? Had he⌠even met Ludger? There was no way Ludger could be that fortunate to encounter a Julius who wouldnât know him at all, that could potentially tell him everything he wanted to know about his brother.
âJulius Wi Bakur. And you are?â
That sentence told him two things: one, he had expended all of his luck finding a Julius that would likely not recognize him; and twoâ
âBaâŚkur?â For a moment, he stood in shocked reverie. Bakur. As in Bisley Bakur? No way- Julius had never mentioned anything like that in any respect. And that was the kind of thing that came up, right? That they were related toâ well they both had to be. Half brothers. That was what Julius had told him when heâd asked about his mother. âYour motherâ heâd said. Okay, sure, but that meant they had the same father, which would be through the family name, which wouldâŚ
Heâd asked him a question. And instead of answering like a normal person, heâd been standing there in confused contemplation. With impressive animation, Ludger shook his head to clear his thoughts. What did he do? Did he answer honestly- would Julius recognize the name at all? Orâ
He didnât have a choice. He wasnât quick enough to think on his feet and come up with a reliable pseudonym. He grabbed Juliusâs hand, anxiety in his grasp as he answered, âLudger. Ludger Will Kresnik.â ⌠why heâd included his middle name he wasnât sure, but Julius had said his so⌠solidarity perhaps? Whatever the case, he hoped that it wasnât a trigger name or something.
âBut you already knew that, right?â Apparently not from the manâs reaction, Julius thought wryly as he shook the manâs hand (firmly, once, twice, release. just the way he was taught; the tension in this âLudgerâsâ hand was palpable). Possibly faked; hard to figure out a reason for it, with unknown gain. Huh.
Will Kresnik. Kresnik-- his motherâs maiden name, and that middle name... Too uncanny to be simply coincidental. Some relation to his aunt? For whatever reason, the man had known him by name, but yet was thrown by the mention of his last. What had he been expecting instead? Julius Wi Bakur wasnât exactly a secret, at least when it came to others in their profession.
He swallowed down a grimace. Relations and connections to people could get awfully convoluted in fractures. For all he knew this actually was a fractured reflection of his aunt. You couldnât really rule anything out, when it came to all the possible ways the myriad of mightâve beens in the Prime could have happened. Though heâd never really dealt with something quite like this before...
Still, it was curious enough to warrant investigation. It wasnât as if he had any other leads on the catalyst at this point.
â...Did they send you after me?â Julius ventured, brow furrowing, eyes sharp. If he hadnât been testing the manâs-- Ludgerâs-- reaction before, he certainly was now.
[ Guess whoâs back, back again. Hymn/Miiâs back, tell a friend. Guess whoâs back, guess whoâs back...
Bet youâd thought youâd seen the last of me, huh. No worries, answer truthfully, there are no wrong answers, no oneâs going to punish you for it. In fact youâll probably want to punt me back into the Void soon as I get started.
Iâm declaring spring cleaning and clearing out all the old drafts in my list so I can start nice and fresh and unbogged down (so no obligation or need to respond, though if you really want to, go ahead) and to actually warm me up for actual writing again, because man has it been forever, so apologies if I wreck a bit of pundemonium on your dash in a bit. I canât promise itâll actually be that punctual, but in case it is, Iâve properly warned for the incoming pundemic of posts. It might be quite the punorama. Youâll probably need a punacea. Look, have I worn out my welcome yet? No? Guess Iâll have to be more deadpun.
And no, Cherry, Iâm still not going to pick up Lailah. Keep dreaming! ⤠]

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[ ... so I sat down to prod at my drafts some (especially that meme I prompted back in February) because damn it all I will come back. Eventually. Time or no time.
Ended up humming. Attempted the Hymn of Proof.
Ended up with a chimera of it and Oneâs Thoughts instead. This will probably make sense to about 2 of my followers. Maybe. Oh well.
YUUURARI YUUURURERIIIIII
Send help. ]
[ My, youâre saving that old thing? Oh dear, Iâm flattered. ]