Slomljena od Bola :)

It feels like someone kicked you in the stomach, feels like your heart stopped beating, feels like that dream you know the one when you are falling and you want so desperately to wake up before you hit the ground but its all out of your control, you cant trust anything anymore, no one is who they say they are, your life is changed forever, and the only thing to come out of the whole ugly experience is no one will be able to break your heart like that again.

If he leaves you babygirl, don’t chase him. Don’t beg him to stay. Don’t send him sweet texts telling him how much you love him and it doesn’t matter. Don’t tell him how he is going to miss you or stuff like that. Don’t say a word. Just walk away. He will break his head for you baby. He will think about the fact that you didn’t said a damn word and it will make him wonder what he did. If he did good and made the right decision. At first he will leave it the way it is and be like ” fuck that shit “. But at one point it will haunt him. And let me tell you this. You did good. He doesn’t even deserve a damn word. The way he broke you is just heartbreaking. Sweetie, you have to know that your Prince will come. Don’t settle for less.

I’d like to think that you haven’t fully moved on from me. And that my name is still prominent in your vocabulary. That you think of me when you see my favorite book or turn around when my voice seems to travel to your ears. Maybe your heart still misses a beat when someone asks about me. And maybe I’m not the only one whose mind wanders back in time over and over again.

You know what hurts the most? The seconds in the morning where you’ve just woken up and for those precious seconds you’ve forgotten the reasons why you’re unhappy; the reasons you’re so broken and then it hits you again, like a stab to the heart and you remember all the reasons you didn’t want to wake up. Yeah, that hurts.

I want to hate you, I want to feel like there is no one in this world that I despise more than you and there is no one that I would rather see being hit by a bus. But all I can feel is pain and regret, and despite all of that.. I want you back more than anything else in the world.

Tell me you’ve had trouble sleeping. That you toss and turn from side to side. That it’s my face you’ve been seeing in your dreams at night. Tell me that you wake up crying, and you’re not sure exactly why. Tell me that something is missing in your life. Tell me that it’s not just me.

It never really hit me until I felt the sweet pain when I was watching your back while you were walking away. Then I realized I never loved someone in the way I loved you, and I realized that you really were the only one I wanted to be with.

I kinda miss the bond we shared. I mean, who wouldn’t miss that comfortable feeling with a person? Where we could talk for hours about everything, anything, and not have a problem with the silence in the middle. Can’t forget all the ridiculous stuff we did. Stupid or not, everything was just so fun. Endless nights, real talks, the “remember whens”, I remember it all. And it’s funny what life does, how it could just give you things and take it away so soon. I really can’t get it out of my head that you grow distant from people and that good things come to an end sooner or later. But along the way, I learned one good thing about life; it goes on, you just gotta pick yourself up and learn to keep up.

I wish I had the guts to walk away and forget about what we had. But I can’t because I know you won’t come after me and I guess that’s what hurts the most.

I can’t stop crying. I don’t understand, and it’s not the loud, screaming crying. It’s just the tears continuously roll down my face, and I can’t do anything to stop them. I thought by meeting this new guy, talking to this guy on the phone all night, and looking forward to seeing his face everyday, it would make me stop wanting you. That wasn’t the case at all; instead, when I talk to this guy, or when I look at this guy, all I want in the world is for it to be you.

I hope that someday, you find an amazing girl. The kind of girl who means everything to you and makes you want to spend every moment of your time with her. The kind of girl who keeps you up at night, just thinking about her beautiful smile, and when you finally fall asleep, she`s all you dream about. I hope she`s the first thing to cross your mind when you wake up in the morning. I hope she changes you in a way you could never understand, yet you know it`s for the better. I hope she`s the kind of girl you would die for. The kind of girl who could make you cry, even though you`d never admit it. The kind of girl who makes you want to go out and do something special, something that means everything to the both of you. The kind of girl you can have silly fights with, then kiss and make up and hold her in your arms like you`re falling in love all over again. I hope you make memories with her her you never forget. I hope she`s your world, and what you have with her is nothing less than perfection. and I hope that one day, you lose her. I hope you mess up and as hard as you try to keep her there with you, she slips through the cracks of your broken heart. I hope it destroys you, because you realized you`ve lost the person you once called your everything. I hope you see every moment you spent together spin away down the drain like it was waiting to happen. I hope you stay up at night because she`s on your mind and when you fall asleep, she haunts your dreams. I hope her beautiful smile stays pressed in your mind like a scar that won’t fade away. I hope you realize that you`re a new person because of her, I hope your new self feels incomplete without her and you miss the old you. The one that was okay with being alone, because you’d rather be the heartbreaker than the heartbroken.

You hug him goodbye like it’s nothing, while all you want to do is hold on forever, but you let go, smile and walk away. Then cry all the way home because you know it will never be the same because try as you might, you can’t make someone love you. Sometimes, you have to let them be free and letting go, that is when love hurts the most of all.

I want you to know that I love you. I never did stop, not for one gasping second. My love for you is unconditional, and it will never end as long as I live. I refuse to find another when I have the one I want. I never doubted us, but you did. I never stopped thinking about you, even though you stopped thinking about me. I never wanted to let go, but you did.

I loved you. And here’s a news flash: you protected me from nothing. I spent time missing you, wondering what the hell I did wrong to make you do that to me. I thought everything was my fault. And even when I got over that, I still knew what I’d lost: you. You were the one who made me laugh when I had a crappy day. You were the one I vented to when I was mad, the one I shared all the good stuff with. You always knew when I was full of crap, and you always called me on it. You were smart, you were funny, you were good-looking. You were mine. And then, suddenly, you weren’t. I knew every day exactly what I’d lost, and I missed you every day. That’s the big favor you did for me. Thanks so much. Here’s the kicker… you weren’t even protecting me. You were protecting yourself. If you’d given half a thought to me, you wouldn’t have said goodbye.

Maybe he’s wondering why I quit calling. Maybe he’s actually missing me… maybe he’s thought about calling me. Or maybe right this moment he’s sitting in his room laying oh so casually on his bed, talking on that cell phone of his and tricking another girl to fall in love with the sound of his words, and I’m not a glimmer of a thought in his mind.

I won’t fight to stay when all you want for me to do is leave. I’m not gonna miss you when you don’t miss me. I’m not gonna care when you don’t at all. I’m just not going to try anymore. You’ve kept my hopes up for much too long; it’s about time they come crashing back down to earth. It’s time I start thinking about myself again and not you. It’s time I be strong. It’s time I let you go. It’s about time I be happy. It’s about time I leave you alone.

We don’t talk at all now. Not having you around anymore definitely makes my life easier, but not better. I love you. It’s just that we complicate each other’s lives too much. We can’t even be friends because we have gone too deep and fucked up way too much. And to be honest, I don’t know how to be happy for you. I mean I want you to be happy, it’s just that I still want to be the reason.