The Unrated King of Hardcore

I had a crazy dream about me finally falling in love but with a twist. Before I go any further, I wanna say that I haven’t been into a relationship for almost twelve to fifteen years. This dream I had was nice but also cruel.

It started with me walking with this woman out of the middle of nowhere but in a wooden area then a grassy field. Then next thing we were being playful like children would do. Having dinner together etc. the only part that stands out about this dream is her face was blurry. I couldn’t see her facial features yet I was in love. If so the sandman was giving me a dream that would make me happy for one moment but then also sad because of me being single for so long. The dream ended with me worrying about death and being alone again. Then I woke up and started to cry. Is it like telling me that I will never fall in love or I would fall in love but the relationship wouldn’t last due to my faults. Gosh this sucks.

Fifteen years ago I fell in love with this woman. She was everything I would imagine. She was into video games, anime, comic books, etc. she loved what I did in my music and djing and I took her to many raves with me when I was book or just went out with her when there was an underground rave. But it came with it failures, and I should know better because I through I could help her with her demons. She had issues that I won’t say on here but I became one of those guys who through and said “I can help her and change her ways”. Which didn’t end well and my heart got broken. While we was dating she was cheating on me with her ex. Her ex was abuseful, mentally abused, verbally assaulted her and even doing bad things to her. Yet she loved him because he did things that made her happy more than what I could do, even if i didn’t harm her but kept her safe. Also she was deep into drugs and alcohol and it was the start of her downfall. I had some of her friends and my to break the relationship but I through I could try to fix this but at the end of our relationship. She not only broke up with me, she betrayed me, stole from me, wasted my time, and took advantage of me when I gave her things that her ex couldn’t do for her. But hey, that life and I learned a good lesson but I really didn’t. Because I still believe that I could still have a chance with her.

After she broke up with me, I lost my faint love after she went back to her ex. Then rumor has it that she moved to Austin with him and that led to many stories that have gotten me worried about her. Her ex went to jail and then got out, he broke up with her and moved back where he came from and started to be a father. Yes, he had kids from a woman and I knew about this because she told me all about it. While that was happening, she was deep into drugs and it got to the point where she couldn’t get a job and she got kicked out of her apartment that led to her being homeless. She was attacked and I don’t know if this is true but her hand was seriously broken and needed treatment and she lost her eye when she was attacked again in Austin. I didn’t know this was happening until one of her friends put up a gofundme. I did try to contact them but no answer even with her brother and sisters. After that I just give up and move on with my life knowing if I did try to get back into her life. She would just reject me again.

It wasn’t til I lost my grandma. I fell into a deep depression and I have a heavy heart because she was a nice woman and very caring. I was in a saddled state and felt like I wasn’t ready for her to go but she was really sick. Then a few months later I lost my uncle due of the battle he had with diabetes and the effects of him being effective from the orange gas agent that he was expose of when he was in vietnam war. When that was happening, She contacted me and we briefly talk for a moment. We forgive each other of the things that happen. After that, she dissappear. And I really don’t know where she is or how she is doing. I still don’t know if she is still homeless or she did had help but that all I know from the last time we talked.

The love I went through with her was bad and it made me afraid to not fall in love again with any women. Because I fear that I will get my heart broken and taken advantage of again like before. I couldn’t bare to go threw that again. And yes I do blame her for it but I also have to blame myself for not taking the advice from my friends when I shoulda left her. I am writing this because ever since I decided to not be in a relationship after what I went through and had to piece my heart together in a griefing state and having limited trust to anyone. I just kept to myself. Those six years I was angry and mad. I wanted to blame someone but I had to look into that mirror and blame that man that was me who didn’t learn until later on. I really don’t know if I will fall in love ever again. At my age people are settling down and raising children. And I don’t think I will find someone since all I do is work a lot at my job and try to survive in this era we’re living in. This might be a message in my dream saying I will fall in love but will I fail again or be successful and die as an old man not being alone. Only time will tell.

I am just saying what I am saying because when you have a bad dream like this, I have to tell it to someone from my latino superstitious. But now, I am going to feel kinda sad and depressed the whole day now. But, will keep on trying to move forward.

I just wanna say that if you’re selling anything online through facebook market space. Be careful and be aware. I was selling a gpu online that i didn’t need anymore. There was this guy who instantly contacted me asking for the item for sale. We agree on the meeting terms since it was at my storage unit and also agree on the date and time. Well, after we agreed I decided to check out his profile page to see it wasn’t talking to a bot. Well, it wasn’t a bot but a real person. He had all these trump and ice praising memes to the max. Which made me think that this meeting we were supposed to have was a scam and a capture heist for 1CE. And the reason I was thinking that is because ice has been in my town for a good week. So I decided to ditch him from the risk of him calling ice on me knowing I am an American citizen. But I don't know if he was getting some award money or if he had someone who he knew working for them. 1CE is taking any information for intel reasons. 

So i just wanna say that be careful to my latino’s who are selling items on the facebook market space and craigslist or any sites that allow sales personal items online.

If that person doesn’t have a face pic or shown his location. Have anything on his page that is offensive of latinos or people of color. Trump and na$are praising memes and video’s. na$is, c0nfederate, tru3p flags on their profiles or tattoos. “Please stay away and block them, and if you have to block them.” 

1,505

Solo quiero decir que si están vendiendo algo en línea a través de Facebook Marketplace, tengan cuidado. Yo estaba vendiendo una tarjeta gráfica que ya no necesitaba. Un tipo me contactó de inmediato preguntando por el artículo. Acordamos los detalles del encuentro, ya que era en mi almacén, y también la fecha y la hora. Después de acordar, decidí revisar su perfil para asegurarme de que no fuera un bot. No era un bot, sino una persona real. Tenía muchísimos memes a favor de Trump y de ICE. Esto me hizo pensar que la reunión que íbamos a tener era una estafa y una trampa para ICE. Pensé esto porque ICE ha estado en mi ciudad durante una semana. Así que decidí cancelar la reunión para evitar el riesgo de que me denunciara a ICE, a pesar de ser ciudadano estadounidense. No sé si estaba buscando una recompensa o si conocía a alguien que trabajaba para ellos. ICE está recopilando información por motivos de inteligencia. 

Así que solo quiero advertir a mis hermanos latinos que venden artículos en Facebook Marketplace, Craigslist o cualquier otro sitio web que permita la venta de artículos personales en línea. 

Si la persona no tiene una foto de perfil o no muestra su ubicación, o si tiene contenido ofensivo hacia latinos o personas de color en su página, memes y videos a favor de Trump y los nazis, banderas nazis, confederadas o de Trump en sus perfiles o tatuajes, por favor, aléjense y bloquéenlos. 

I wanna talk about Mick Foley for a moment. I can’t understand what most of you guys and girls will say. But, people always say that politicians don't belong in wrestling. Well how can it when we have trump is our president and also got put in the WWE hall of fame. 

Last week, John Cena had his last match in WWE. There were talks about Trump showing up at the event but couldn’t due to his busy schedule. But! When the rumor came out, a lot of people got pissed off about it because Trump or his people aren't welcome but their people like triple h, jake paul, the undertaker, kain, and a few others who support trump. And times like this aren't good since Trump is destroying our American Courtney. Which leads to Mick. 

The day following the cena retirement match happened. Mick announced that he will no longer represent or align himself with WWE if they’re still working with Trump and his political ways. He is stepping away and doesn’t want anything to do with them anymore since WWE has not been the official company that supports Trump. And I don't blame him. Also their other wrestlers who also feel the same way. Like kevin nash, jim cornette, bret hart, cm punk, dave batista, and r-truth. And I don't blame Mick for it. Nothing good has come out of it from Trump and his people. And WWE who is working with them are just straight out doing nazi blood bath work. They’re making deals with Saudi arabi for their Wrestlemania in 2027. They’re cutting and making deals left and right which make the company rich while not taking care of their talent or giving them health benefits and 401k/retirement. Also buried their lawsuits that they’re guilty of and getting away with. 

We already heard a lot of bad stories about WWE how they mistreat their talent and also sexually harass and assault their female talent. Scandals and drug use of human enhancements like steroids or pain killers. All while they turn their nose up when one of their talents just drops dead. And last and at least, the head concussion that leaves wrestlers brain damages and also mental un-stable health issues. 

I stopped watching the WWE after what they did to sting and also few of the talent who they fired wrongfully due to them speaking out about the company. Now, 2025 is going into 2026. John Cena was the last great era of wrestling that they ever had. And yes, WWE will have new stars but how long would they keep them or put them in that stop light. AEW on another hand is doing well and out doing WWE. But I wouldn’t be surprised if Mick Foley would go with them and appear on their show. Only time will tell. 

Texas vs drag queen

It's kinda funny how stupid this state has become. They could deal with the power grid since we might have another freezing ice storm next year. They could deal with the issue of gun violence in school. They could deal with all the fucking issue we have in our education program then our fucking police. But nope! They rather pick on the drag queen who is hosting these events in the lgbtqia community then the issue we have here in texas

a judge in Texas is now allowed to shut down any major events of the drag queen show that is hosted here in our state. Which means, if they heard one thing about a drag show, idle it for performance at a club or a reading session to the kids and any other event that involves drag queens will be shut down with force. Which is shameful because it reminded me of the day of the early 2000s raves that were getting targeted and shut down by our Texas government. Because they believe it was sex orgies drug event when it wasn’t…...well maybe the after party but not the rave.

This makes me mad because Texas is somehow trying to show how strong they’re when compared to other states. They’re not, the only thing they’re showing is how weak they’re in the state position which are in. I mean, it's like saying I am still a man but yet you scream like a bitch when you see a roach crawling up your leg. Jumping up and down while shaking and flipping over your shirt when you just said moments ago you're a man. Then flick it off with your hand bitch. If a drag queen saw they had a roach crawling up their leg. They would flick it off and maybe step on it.

Epstein list and trump

I know what I am going to say is senseless but I gotta say what I wanna say off my chest. And if you get offended or don’t like what I have to say about this. Then move on.

As we know, the house voted to release the epstein list. And in that list are a couple of e-mails from Trump replies and telling Epstein about a person who he was with describing a person, a dog which was the young girl who he was with. Right now, there will be another vote (update they passed it just 36 hours ago and it is up to Trump to sign the bill) to release the whole Epstein files and maybe be public to the people to see. As this is happen, trump is not handing this well. He already avoided the press while getting angry at a young news lady when she was asking about his presents of the e-mail that was described by him, which he got into a raging arrangement with her. But hey! I am enjoying this of the shit he is going threw. And once the public people of America and also the whole world see how bad of a person he is for having sex with a young teenage girl, not one but multiple young girls. I wouldn’t be surprise that his people and the republicans started to turn their back at him. And maybe this will be the turning point to get him out of the white house.

The whole time that has been happening. I wonder if the republicans who had access to these files and only knew he was fully involved in this list unlike the others. Did they know that this would lead this to a backlash also would most of the republicans now worry that their re-election runs for the mid-terms is now at jeopardy. I mean, if I had a president who is sponsoring my mid-term re-election all while the people knew who I am getting funded by. I woulda pull out knowing I will lose and not willing to face failure. But that's just me if I had a boss who had a few dark secrets I didn’t know about.

As I sit here in my room writing this and thinking how the hell he became president again in the election of 2024. Within the 365 days of him being in the white house. He has raised taxes on the middle class and lower class while the rich millionaires are getting more tax cuts all while getting richer. He has targeted the immigration of latino’s when he made ice agents that terrorize the streets. He has attacked China, Mexico and Canada with tariffs thinking he would make them bow down but not because he was actually hurting us. He attacked Venezuela claiming the attack was necessary to stop drug trafficking when he was a fisherman who was on those boats. Also his republicans are putting out laws and restrictions on trans people and attacks on lgbtqia+. They’re so many things he and his people have done within a year of being president. 

I am upset, mad, hopeless and helpless of what I can do. I can protest and I can shout out groups that are trying to help and spread the word out of what is happening. But I feel this isn’t going to work since they have the manpower like the military who can attack us and arrest us to try to scare us from their terror tactic for not going against them. Which they’re wrong. 

Well, this morning I went through a depressing feeling deciding what plans to keep and what plans I can’t keep. As most of ya know, we’re in a government shut down between the republican and democrats. One side wants to fund unnecessary bullshit while the other side is trying to save what is left of our health plan system, which you could guess who is doing that. Right now the plans I am seeing online from insurance providers who are secretly putting out information if the government shutdown continues. Our health plans cost will be going up if it gets cut or not funded. Which means our health plans will go up by 100%. which means my plans for 2026, will cost me around $300-500 dollars then the $150 I was paying once a month from my employer.

As it stands, I had no choice but to drop my health plans for 2026 enrollment. I am keeping my vision and dental but I really gotta watch myself from getting hurt at work and at home. This is sad because I had health insurance since I was 24, and now at the age of 40. I have to drop and risk getting hit by a finance debt from the paycheck that I am barely trying to go by. Which is sad because I am not the only one who is going through this too but every person who is going through this too. Meaning every person who gets insurance from their employer or impediment are asking themself if they should keep or just drop their plans for their health plans enrollment for 2026 does go up.

I found this kinda bullshit, the only thing I hope is that all those republicans get a luigi special in person. And it might happen once the American people just lose it one day and decide to take matters into their own hands. And I won’t be surprised by it if I watch it on my tv or see it on my phone through a social media outlet of a republican getting shot down because he or she doesn’t want to support the health plan ACA funding. Gosh, this is making me sick already just writing about it. I hope this government shutdown ends soon or we are going to be like Russia, but worse.

Update:

It came to my attention that a few indie bands, singers, performers, and actors have been denied entry into the American states. I just saw one of my favorite visual kei singers that had to cancel due to this issue. She didn’t say it but I knew what was going on. Three weeks ago a dj was refused to enter the country too due to a visa expiry which was his mistake and also admitted to it. But it was sad to hear that he will need a business visa if he is going to enter the states multiple times. And a business visa is pretty experience and hard to apply for.

I have noticed that a lot in the indie music scene that a lot of artists can’t enter the country due to the changes that are happening within this government. And I hate to say but Trump and his republicans are making it tougher for people in the entertainment business to come here and perform for their fans. And I find that kinda selfie from them when my favorite artist who I have been following for years now can’t come here to perform to her fans in the america vkei scene. And I wonder how hard is the rave scene going to be hit by this since a lot of dj’s are being book from outta the country like germany, dutchland, netherland, japan, and etc. of the music rave scene that might be getting a hard hit if the promoters can’t book certain talent for their audience who have their music taste.

And this is the time where ice and the border control are just raiding people homes to workplace to round them up and take to to camps. I have fears of the artist and bands going through something like this. It is already a damn shame that they busted a Kia factory and rounded up all the South Korean workers who were training American workers to learn and adapt these newer cars for their Georgia Kia factory. Which now won’t happen because of it. Both Korean and American lost their jobs and 31 billion dollars could lead to more jobs.

I am already making plans to move outta the country if this is going to be getting outta control and America starts going under its current static that is happening from the shut down. As for the singer who I love and adore. I hope you come back or I come to Japan to see you perform live in person. Stay strong to the artist in the music and showbiz entertainment business.