— liquorice & liquor

“I think the only way you could really embody a show that intense is to actually get naked and afraid yourself. I mean, it’s only fair. Think about those poor actual contestants,” Zoe shrugged, a smirk soon tugging at the corners of her lips. It was more of a suggestion rather than a tease. Besides, if he actually did it sometime, ‘accidentaly’ stumbling into his viewing party would’ve made a hell of a story someday. “Old people have tissues on them all the time. She’ll be just fine without me,” she stated with an eye roll, her tone laced with playful jealousy. Obviously the woman was no threat, but she couldn’t help her defensive side kicking in. “Mental plans? I know I’m important and everything but damn, that just took it to a whole other level. Now how the hell can I cancel an imaginary plan if I don’t know what that ‘said plan’ has in store for me?” she mused with a quirk of her brow. “--- if your plan has something to do with diving out of a plane or underwater golf---then I’m going to have to hit you with a solid no,” Zoe teased, bringing her shoulders to a shrug once again. “...but I’m also game for anything else.”

“Clueless,” she muttered to herself, arms crossed over her chest. “—just about anything else in the world,” Zoe mused, when really the real reason she had been distancing herself from the bar was out of pure strategy. A drunk Zoe would’ve informed the bartender about his little hiccup in knocking up her best friend in a second, but she had to take extra precautions to keep her mouth shut. “So anything new with you?”

@poe-c

Send “✆” for a morning text.

[ txt ] u know for someone who’s a goddamn BARISTA u aren’t good at providing me w some coffee and company at 8 in the morning 

Send “✉” for a text that wasn’t sent.

[ txt ] okay if we’re getting really deep into things don’t quote me on this but i might be falling for you…and no this isn’t one of those late night deliriums 

Send “☎” for a rushed text.

[ txt ] can’t talk forgot it’s my mom’s bday fml wanna call me in 10 mins to bail me out tho??

Send “⁇” for a drunk text.

[ txt ] POE[ txt ] poe rhymes with zoe[ txt ] this is GODDAMN DESTINY!!! we’re destiny !!! try to convince me otherwise!!

Send “✿” for a suggestive text.

[ txt ] i was thinking maybe me, you, a bottle of wine, and a cheesy movie ??

Send “ø” for a late night text.

[ txt ] one of the best things about living in the same timezone as you now is having someone to talk to endlessly w/o dying of boredom

Send “✘” for a hateful text.

[ txt ] make me console a hormonal emily one more time and i will go to the nearest starbucks for my latte and not turn back

Send “#” for a random text.

[ txt ]  did you know that we actually live like, 80 MILLISECONDS in the past? because that’s how long it takes our brains to process information. so, basically, our bodies are in the present while our brains are in the past. so sometimes you just gotta think — is time even real ? or do you think it’s just a construct that helps the human race understand the complexity of the universe? pretty rad and fascinating shit if you ask me. 

[ txt ] this is the first and last nerdy text you’ll get from me in life bye!!

Send “@” for a scared text.

[ txt ] i keep hearing creepy ass noises in the living room and it would make me feel a whole lot better if u were here :/

Send “&” for a loving text.

[ txt ] tbh i’m so grateful i got my ass on that phone in the first place bc without you idek where i’d be.

Send “%” for a curious text.

[ txt ] cougar’s not hitting on u again right?[ txt ] i know you wanted me to console her but rlly i just wanted to beat her ass[ txt ] and anyone else who’s just annoying as shit in general?

Send “ツ” for an excited text.

[ txt ] COME OVER AND LET ME DO UR HAIR PLS I PROMISE I WON’T DYE IT PINK AGAIN 

Send “$” for an accidental text.

[ txt ] NO NO I DON’T LIKE HIM TF?? BUT YOU’LL NEVER GUESS WHAT /HE/ TOLD ME LAST NIGHT LMADOJDAO[ txt ] shit[ txt ] that was for em!!

Send “♀” for a heartbreaking text.

“Cougars are all the rage these days, I’m disappointed in you for actually declining that offer,” Zoe said with a shake of her head, another smirk tugging at the corners of her lips. “---you honestly think I’d have the patience to console  an old woman?” Pursing her lips together, she couldn’t help but shake her head at the thought. It was no surprise that Zoe wanted to pipe up and yell at the other woman about his lack of interest, but she wasn’t going to cost him a huge tip that he was bound to receive. If anything, she would’ve been the one to push her on the brink of tears even harder, but he didn’t need to know that. “Endure me? I was starting to think that you actually enjoyed my presence. Depends, if you make me a crappy order I’ll bolt in about two minutes, but if that’s your way of asking me to spend more time with you, then I accept.” 

“Maybe two wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. Octuplets are a thing ‘ya know. Plus maybe you can get a reality show like ‘Kate Plus Eight’,” she suggested with a shrug. “Well you have me, alright? No matter what. I mean I’ll sorta be known exclusively as the ‘cool aunt’ around here so there’s no doubt that kid is gonna get all the love it deserves.” Zoe assured Emily with a smile. There was no way she was going to let her best friend raise a child all by herself; and the raven-haired girl hoped the blonde knew that. “Considering the fact that Cher is my absolute idol, I approve,” she shrugged as she kicked her heels up on the table. “I know Jasper, Em. Okay---worst case scenario he decides to write you a check---which won’t happen ‘cause I’ll kick his ass until he decides to clean up his act, would that be the worst thing in the world? If he can knock up a girl and get away with not paying some child support, then I’ll personally lose my shit. Simple, yank the naked chick by the ear and demand to see him. What good are pregnancy hormones if you aren’t gonna use them? Do you know how hard it is walking into your favorite bar everyday without telling the bartender that they got your best friend pregnant?”