Michael's Poetry

I fallen and Now I'm scared to stand. It's not that I don't trust you just the last person to hurt me began it all with a reached out hand and I'm hurt and there's no words to explain. Look you will never understand what it's like to live a day in a life in the mind behind these tired eyes. And I can't explain to you the lies or the motives behind that destroyed my light so it no longer shines. But I can tell you the pain how I'm scrubbing the stains so you can't tell I fell. But no matter what I do I always up end up in my room a prisoner locked in his cell. I just have a sick mind full of broken thoughts I try to keep myself together but I'm falling apart. I have a pit in my stomach and a hole in my heart. I just don't know how to start... what I'm doing to myself it can't be right. I'm tired of having to fight just to get to bed at night. I'm tired of hearing about other people in there hight and stuck wondering why can't I have that life. I'm sick of feeling selfies for being this sad. I know to the rest of you my problems don't seem so bad and i about had it and I don't know what to do I guess this is why I'm writing this so I can reach out to you.

Have you ever felt so alone and distant. Have you ever felt hurt like something is missing. Like all your Joy went into remission and you're trying not to cry so you're clinching onto any thing that helps you pass the time with keeping harmful thoughts out of your mind. But sooner or later you're come to find a way to justify why you deserve to feel like this all the time. You think you deserve it but you don't. you're trying to fix yourself but you're broke. You're trying to hold on to anything that resembles hope but nothing works so you lay around and mope. I know this because I'm going through the same. There's not a day I wake up without going through this pain and I'm not going to lie it driving me insane to watch people make it through their day. When I'm too busy hiding from the rain. And there are some days where I can see past the pain but it never last for long because I know many more days like this remain. Locked in my room stuck in my brain trying to keep all my harmful thoughts contained.

I'm not going to hold anything back I'm going to tell you how I felt. I'm not going to pull any punches this is the only way I'll get help. I'm going to explain to you my pain and how I dealt. With the fear that I'm losing my mind and losing myself. I'm going to tell you about all the night I lied in bed and I just cried looking at the clock it had me hypnotize. And I'm going to tell you about all the days that I felt like a disgrace just because I was awake and all the times you just stood there and watched me as my heart began to break. Why did you just stand there when words could not describe my pain. Did you enjoy watching me go insane. I still battle with this everyday come on step into my brain. Do you want to take a turn trying to scrub away these stain because I been trying for so long it's leaving me physically and mentally drained. Now don't get me wrong I don't write for fame I'm trying to just break through the clouds to help the people still stuck in the rain holding on as tight as they can to there little flame that still remains in there heart. Trust me I understand what it feels like when you start to hurt and you don't know why. I'm not going to lie I don't know how to make the pain stop. But I'm here so people don't have to hurt alone.

I'm tired of staying quiet when everyone else talks I'm tired of holding myself back when everyone else walks right over me and my heart. Cause I'm trying not to start I'm tired of you not taking me seriously when I tell you I'm falling apart. What do you think I'm doing telling you a joke? Do you think I'm lying to you when I tell you I broke. Because I'm not lying I face this everyday I get to sit there quietly as you guys laugh away but at the same time my demon eats away at my mind. Destroying every happy thought that they find. But this is fine. I'll sit quietly in the back nobody notices that I don't laugh nobody notices me at all. I'm not lying when I tell you that I fall and I struggle to get back up. Listen to me now. so that means shut up! because I been shutting down Now listen to me don't make a sound. I'm not joking do I look like a clown. I'm hurting to deeply and there are no words to explain it that's why I never make a sound. Now go along and spread what you just found.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and couldn't believe what you see. What happened how could I let this become me. I mean what happened I use to be so free but now I chained up like a prisoner should be. I mean look at me I'm fine now look into my eyes and notice how my spirit has died. So I'm looking in the mirror see if I can find where the old me lies. Maybe I can get him back maybe it's not to late but odds are he's doomed because off all the years I had hesitated. I was convinced I was fine now I looking at myself realizing I was living a lie. My heart no longer shines and my mind is no longer mine. Oh so please mirror mirror on the wall explain to me why I only feel a foot tall. Why have I build up so many walls and how can I help them fall. Oh so mirror mirror help me see the man in you is not me. Help me set him free help me be who I used to be

Sometimes I wonder if there is such thing as love or if there is a god above. Sometimes I wonder if I will sleep tonight or if tomorrow is even worth the fight. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only one who feels this way drowning in too many emotions to say. Sometimes I wonder will I always be alone or will these answers ever be known. I'm sitting here wondering as time ticks away another precious minute wasted away. One less minute I use too change or one more minute I stayed the same. However you want to put its all means the same I'm still sitting here wondering in pain. Feeling mentally drained. Permanently stained. Trying to scrub away my problems but they keep coming down like rain. I just can't stay on top of them anymore. It seems like everyone is climbing up in life and I'm left wondering if I can even get off the floor.

I go to sleep the same way I wake up feeling alone. I want to talk to my friends but they barely pick up there phones. I want someone to help me with how I feel but no matter how I explain it I don't think you understand these feelings are real. I want to go to sleep one night and wake up feeling healed but I never do I keep myself sealed away from everyone. In fear that this pain might be contagious now I know that sounds outrageous. But you don't understand what goes on in my mind. I'm to busy linking together the chains that keep me bounded to the mental hell that I had made. As everything I love continues to fade. Farther and farther out of my reach. I'm afraid that I might never find peace. But there is one thing I know for sure I'll go to sleep tonight feeling alone.

I'm shaking because what's left of my is bracken. I feel vacant because every time I stand up the floor Beneath me is taken. I can't do it any more I'm done with this fight there is nothing left for me anyways in this life. I'm not that type of person I won't cut myself with a knife. But I will hold up signs and hope it's in someone line of sight. I tried to think of the good stuff. Look at the sliver of light. But soon the storm clouds will come in and knock me back down to height. I don't say this for your pity I don't want your help. I'll get through this like everything else by myself. Who else is going to care I learned the hard way that life isn't fair. Don't stand there and do nothing but when I finally act sit there and stare. As you sit there and whisper about me like I'm your secret to share. But if you dare to ask yourself why you might find its Because I been living a lie . I laugh when I want to cry. I wake up even though I want to die. I been going the wrong way down the street to long I'm bond to collide. Ill be my own destruction I'll rather that then being stab by an Allie. Even though it wouldn't be the first time. But that's a different Mountain to climb. This is just a long way just to say I'm not fine.

Linkin park