the show must go on

-

That question, Seamus hated that question. What did it matter? And sometimes he didn’t even know the answer. The man was a garbage disposal when it came to substances, especially the ones in pill form. However, if someone puts it in front of them, they will take it without question. Over the last few years he had gotten better at pacing himself, only using harder things sporadically. But currently all bets are off. 

Seamus never cared too much for their well-being before, but they tried for the other people in their life that cared for some reason. Now, all that was slowly slipping away from him. “Oh you, a little of this and a little of that. It’s all gone now though.” They answered with a slight pout. That reminded them that they would need to do some restocking at some point during the day. “Terribly sober.” His face twisted with a bit of pain and disgust. The throbbing in his head was a common occurrence in the morning and he had a tolerance for it. It would go away soon enough, a little bit of water and it gave him something to focus on beyond the things in his head. 

“You know I don’t like to come around when I’m like that.” The words came out softer and laced with a hint of shame. Especially with how often it had been happening recently. It’s not like the other hadn’t seen him high or drunk. But, that wasn’t what he was necessarily referring to. It was more his state of mind and the levels of gone he actually was. He tried to avoid the ones that cared about him during benders, it was good practice. Unless they were along for the ride and there was only one or two that actually partied hard like he did. “I haven’t been spending much time anywhere in particular, but I got evicted. Had to bring my stuff somewhere and she’s family.” Seamus shrugged. “Plus, I never know when you’re home.” Atlas had a busy social life, Seamus was well aware of it. He really hated being such a burden. But, that’s who he was.

~-~

"You body will praise you for the break," Atlas responds to the news Seamus had sobered up. He knew it wasn't as simple as that, just be the way the bartender was sleeping in the club and the look on his face. Whatever he'd mixed was leaving an after affect, whether it was exhaustion or something else. Atlas worries over the lack of details the other shares with him, but he doesn't give them trouble for it. Seamus would make his own choices regardless, so instead of giving his thoughts Atlas gave his support. Someone to turn to when things got out of control, to lean against when they got dark. "Would some food help? I can try conjure up something from the kitchen. A sandwich perhaps." Atlas would not cook, he was rather rusty at it and only managed to piece things together like finger foods rather than make complex dishes.

Atlas shakes his head at their response. "Whether you like it or not my door is open to you, no matter what state you are in. I have seen much in my life, you in a state is not going to have me closing my door on you." The first place Atlas would wish Seamus to come to was his apartment, where he could keep them safe and comfort them through whatever drew them to such substances in the first place. He wanted to take away such troubles but knew he couldn't do it without meddling too much in the shifters life. "What? When?" Worried was something Atlas would always be with Seamus, how could he not be? But this was a new worry; Seamus had always had somewhere to curl up in and feel safe, to process whatever is going on with them. To take away the security a home brought them made Atlas want to go have a few words with his landlords. "How did that happened?" He asks, wondering who was at fault here. "Darling... that's an excuse. For you my door is always open, whether I'm there or not. What is it they say? My castle your castle?" he clearly didn't know the true saying, but his own version he was rather fond of. “Do you have a plan? What you’re going to do next?”

—

“I hear you.” Mia admitted, but pulled her shoulders up in just the slightest shrug, finger tracing the rim of her glass absent-mindedly before her eyes shot up at the stranger in front of her again. “But I’d just rather not be at the receiving end of it.” That wasn’t entirely true, Mia simply didn’t like not knowing what she was up against. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to fight to unite her family, it had been her father’s dying wish after all, and she was confident her mother had secretly always longed for the same. But all of it had resulted in a burden she now carried on her shoulders, when no one had ever really asked if she wanted to carry it in the first place. However, with her pack gone and her parents dead, did she really have much of a choice? The whole deal left her queasy and even more reluctant to act than she always was when she couldn’t assess the situation first.

The man’s question drew her out of her thoughts and back into a fit of giggles. “I think I am. Well, my parents were married, which kinda ruins the notion.” She mused. “They just weren’t supposed to get married.” Rather, their downfall had been their love, but those were technicalities Mia didn’t want to go into lest he figured out who she was related to. Who knew how long he’d been around, and how many people he’d gotten to know. He was fun to talk to, but even with a few drinks in, Mia wasn’t about to drop her guard. “That’s what makes the movie so stupid. The whole time you’re just sat there thinking, do you own a mirror? But I guess if they did, there would be no movie.”

~-~

"Someone has to be. Would you rather it be your sister? Not very sisterly of you." He sips his drink. "So what's the plan? Are you going to tell her or are you going to live your life knowing you have a sister but she doesn't know she has one?" He pauses, then directs his hand at her as if he needed her to listen to him "what if she already knows?" he asks. "You found out, what if she did too? You could be worrying over absolutely nothing and it could be some corny reunion you talk abut for years to come." It was the nicest outcome, and quite possible if all parents were forthcoming on the facts. 

"Scandalous." A love child was something he hadn't heard of for a while, now that people could get divorces or simply didn't get married people swapped partners and familiars far easier than they used to. Not that her father or mother had swapped one family for another, but it could be the case. Children certainly made it harder to move on with a new person. Though to be kept from your genetic ties was rather cruel. He decides her parents suck without any further information needed. Instead he continues his talk about Parent Trap. "Actually they say you would not as every time you look at yourself you're seeing a reflection, not your face inverted. I've had a shifter turn into myself before, it was rather.... interesting." Seamus had done it right in front of Atlas so of course he knew who it was but during the whole experience Atlas had found himself inspecting his own body, seeing himself in a way he never had before. "But their friends surely could have worked it out for them."

They were back at the familiar pace – Atlas standing at his door and he would welcome him in his home once again. But Tuah couldn’t find it in himself to care. No, that was a lie. Of course he cared. Deeply and irrevocably. But he could pretend that he didn’t, at least not for tonight. He knew he’d regret this later, but just for tonight. Just one more night. To have Atlas in his arm without worrying of the consequences. He would deal with them later, when he had worked up the courage to face them again.

Tuah opened the door wider and stepped aside, wide enough to let Atlas in whilst still brushing momentarily against him without seeming to. “You shouldn’t have,” he smiled at the other, accepting the gift once the door was closed behind him. He lingered there for a moment, dark eyes simply taking Atlas in; how his brows framed those beautiful eyes, how the sharpness of his cheek bones is paired with the softness of his lips. It took everything in him not to touch Atlas in ways that were familiar to both of them, reigning his own desires in an even tighter control now that Atlas was in front of him.

The moment where Atlas needed him had passed, now that everything had returned to normal. Everyone had gone back to their lives, moving on from the traumatic incident as best as they could, and Tuah felt that they needed to do that too. Turning the other cheek and pretended that everything as it was before half of Astoria’s population disappeared into thin air. Both of them avoiding each other as they figured out what they wanted out of this. But of course, he slipped up, missing Atlas when he knew he shouldn’t, aching for the other’s company. The bouquet of rose on Atlas’ desk was prove of it. And Atlas, brilliant and amazing dear Atlas, managed to figure out it was him that sent them. And here he was.

And here they were.

“Would you like to stay for a little while?” Tuah asked after moments of silence between them, finally looking down at the gift Atlas had brought him. “I was about to make myself some tea, so I’m sure it’ll go great with the treat you’ve bought.” He looked up, gaze and smile softened. “I’d love some company.”

~-~

Maybe it was all going to blow up in his face tomorrow, or next week, or at some unexpected time, but sometimes the risk was worth it. Tuah was worth it. To share even one more moment with them, that wasn't full of tears or hurtful words, it was a gift he had not expected to come his way. It hadn't yet, but he could feel it, lingering between them. It was like electricity zapping through the air. Just like that first night, in the motel, where their paths had crossed and Atlas knew he needed to know the unfamiliar vampire. Just as Tuah opened the door to their joint rooms, he now opens his home for Atlas to step inside. Seventy years apart yet history repeats itself.

"Isn't there a thing, when one is invited over they shouldn't come empty handed?" He asks, head tilting to the side. He catches Tuah watching him, studying him even, and it causes him to bit on his lip, to stop himself from asking something ridiculously corny about taking photos and them lasting longer, or he could look but not touch. But that was the thing, Tuah could. Is that not why he'd come here? Two months and he still longed for the other to reach out and pull him close again, to kiss him as if he was their world. It was wrong of him, knowing their compatibility was going to be a problem, and yet here he was, aching for them when they were only a few steps away.

Atlas let out a breathy laugh, how silly Tuah was to think he didn't already plan to. "Yes. Please." His eyes fall to the bag in his hand, wondering if perhaps this was foolish of him to have come. Maybe Tuah only gave him the flowers to be kind, to think of all memories, and here Atlas wanted it to mean more. Still, any time with the other was more than he had had in two months, minus the breaking down but that was not real time spent with them. "I'd love to stay."

Sahid looked at Atlas in confusion, but did as he requested - they found it was easiest with Atlas to just do whatever he wanted them to do, and sadly that went for most people. Follow their leads meant the last amount of trouble. But as they hung on to Atlas, little could prepare them for the fast pace with which they moved through the crowd. The movement made them slightly dizzy and they gasped for breath when they came to a stand still. They kept themselves near Atlas for a long moment, hung on to him, waiting for the world to stop spinning. They figured it was a baffling experience because their eardrums were damaged as it was. They looked up when they found they had steadied themselves, then laughed at the whole ordeal. “What was that?” they asked, confused and curious. Then they paused. “Oh, I asked how your festival has been?” they repeated themselves with a sheepish smile. It was hard not to forget that loud sounds bothered other people when they didn’t bother them.

~-~

Sahid had been close to falling asleep. They had slept soundlessly at Tuah’s place, however now they had completely skipped a night’s rest for other activities. But felt no regrets. They could sleep on the flight, it would make the time go faster, maybe help them with not developing a jet lag. 

They stirred and looked up at Atlas smiling, blinking as they noticed the world had gotten slightly brighter. Sahid turned to face the sun coming up behind the horizon. Though it filled them with dread, not fascination. Last sunrise. Last time they would feel this way for a long time. They hadn’t known how happy they had been in Astoria till that moment, when all their fears and sadness over the future returned to them. Settled and spun, unearthed a person they hadn’t been since the summer. “It is beautiful,” they said, voice longingly.

~-~

Atlas tucks his chin on their shoulder, holds them as tight as he was sure humans could comfortably take. It would be so easy to simply make Sahid change his mind, to compel him to stay in Astoria, to stay with him. But Atlas knew there were things he could get away with, harmless little bits, and there was controlling human’s lives. He wasn’t going to do that to Sahid, they didn’t deserve it no matter what Atlas longed them to do. Instead he would hold them until they had to go, he’d even drive them to the airport. He’ll kiss them goodbye, tell them he will miss them, and then he will. There was nothing he could do, that he would do. So he lets himself enjoy the hours they have left. Sometimes you simply had to say goodbye. 

Everyone was so happy, so intoxicatingly happy. Sahid felt their chest vibrate with the feeling of belonging. Which was strange in many ways, since their first thought on festivals hadn’t been a happy one. But Sahid hadn’t paid for a ticket, they got some free drinks and food on account of helping out. It made the experience a lot better. “Hey,” Sahid said, grinning as they were tugged closer. Somehow their mind remembered all those pictures of gay couples at festivals, their faces full of paint, laughing, smiling. They tried to imagine themself like that, in Atlas’ arms. “How has your festival experience been so far?” They asked, one hand dancing up to wipe some sweat from Atlas’ throat.

~-~

LOCATION: Sunset Stage (Halsey) TIME: Sunday March 7th, 7.50pm @oldatlas

Sahid figured given the signing and music around them, they could successfully sneak up on Atlas. They had spotted him like a bee spots a honeycomb, it was more the vibe of him that having actually seen him. Sporting an orange jacket to show they were one of the volunteers, Sahid made their way through the crowd. The gig was chill, nobody yelling at them, everyone was extremely laid back. And as long as the volunteers did their job, it really didn’t seem to bother the chiefs how long it took them. They weren’t paid anyway. “Boo!” Sahid yelled, tapping Atlas on his right shoulder to appear on his left. They smiled widely, despite the still obvious broken skin around their forehead and the cast around their arm. They looked worse for wear, but they felt fantastic.

~-~

Being wanted in return made their heart flutter. They were going to miss this so much that they almost found their chest swell at the sadness, but they decided to live in the happiness for a moment. Allow themselves this niceness. They enjoyed the little things, the hand on their waste, the feeling of his skin on their cheek. All of it. They grinned, and then allowed Atlas to pulling them along.

Sahid pulled the blanket against them, the wind was cold, and they were enjoying it nonetheless, it was as if the world was trying to blow them away from the beach, and they could taste the salt in the air. They loved watching the sea, imagining what it would sound like. 

They get pulled down and yelp in surprise, they hadn’t been paying attention to what Atlas was doing, but the yelp was followed by a laugh as they were seated, pulling the blanket and Atlas’ arm against themselves as they lay their head on his shoulder. “Yeah, I’m good,” they say, closing their eyes for a moment. And for moments longer, wishing this could last forever. That some part of them could remain on the beach and another could go back to Wheeler.

~-~

Atlas bit his lip as he heard the chance in heart beat. It was hard to ignore given how quiet it was, only the sounds of waves crashing into shore to listen to. He tells himself its harmless, just a reaction to comfort, the same as Sahid's heart racing when he drew other sounds from them earlier that night. It was human, so very human, they couldn't control what their heart did.

As they settled in on his lap Atlas made sure he too was comfortable, sliding his arms around them, finding the perfect spot to rest their head. They fall quiet again, the sleepy morning hour needing little to say between them. He tries not to listen to the imaginary clock ticking away at their time together. Instead he keeps his eyes and attention on the horizon, waiting for the sun.

―

“You can’t live in a club,” Scout points out immediately with a light roll of her eyes. It’s a similar conversation to ones they’ve had in the past. But this time is different because this time there’s a house in the equation. “I know that you say you could and you have in some past life but this is a house - it’s so much better.” A house was something that Scout had thought about but only ever in theory. The last time she had lived in a house had been her childhood one. She wasn’t the type to believe that she needed a traditional family structure present to own one, but for whatever reason it hadn’t been something she’d thought about in her near future. “What are you going to have the stained glass of?”

Once inside, the world outside of it gets quieter. She roams the space, trying to imagine Atlas’ life here within the four walls. “…Well I mean they do this to make it seem as blank of a slate as possible,” she laughs from the kitchen. “You have to imagine the things you want in here.” It was like she’d been house hunting before which she definitely hadn’t. “Can you imagine it? Lavish dinner parties? Cozy movie nights in?” If the answer was no to all of the above then it wasn’t the house for him. But Scout had seen Atlas about things in the past. Quietly, she couldn’t help but think that this wasn’t the house for him.   

~-~

"No one would know," he says in a sing song voice at the idea of living at the club. Except he would have to get rid of a lot of his stuff, and that just felt unnecessary when he had the means to buy something he could load up with even more stuff. Part of the excitement of a new house was the fact he could be reunited with some of his larger items he'd collected over the years. There was a specific bed frame he really wanted to use, made with a gorgeous mahogany that was hand carved with intricate details along the four pillar. "I like the idea of flowers. You know when I first got my daylight ring Bash took me to a field of flowers to watch the sun rise for the first time? I think I'd like to recreate that somehow. Though I had seen colour all the time some of the shades the light brings out... you can't create it with artificial lighting. You need to see it in the sunlight."

Atlas follows her voice to the kitchen, leaning his body on the door frame as he looked at the counter tops. "Well this room wouldn't get much love with me in it." He would probably invest in a night big fridge, one he could stock with blood and maybe a juice or something for when his mortal friends came over. He tried to do as Scout suggested, thinking about what his life was life and how it would fill this place. Glancing over his shoulder he looked back to the living room, frowning. "I think I'd miss my fire place" he says, having not thought about it until now. In his small living room in his apartment he had one he often lit. Though it gave him no comfort from its warmth the sound reminded him of old camp fires and the lighting was rather nice to read by. He frowns, hoping it would have been as simple as just picking a house and forcing it to work for him. Usually that was how it was, he didn't have to be picky because it wasn't long term. “What do you think?”

Sahid felt the hole in their stomach grow tighter, more pronounced, they knew they were leaving, a day from now they would be in Wheeler again. Closer to Cassie, but also closer to all the hurt they had felt growing up. Surrounded by few who loved them, and most who hated their guts. They wouldn’t be able to connect to their father’s religion, they wouldn’t be able to have this. But it seemed a small trade for Cassie’s happiness. Their life had grown a little in value, their wants and needs more important than they had been since they were twenty, but still easily put aside. 

They bit their lip watching the sea, the darkness, wondering how it would sound. They unbuckled their seatbelt far slower than Atlas, still in the movement of getting rid of it when Atlas threw them the blanket. They grinned. “Thank you,” they said, following Atlas. They feel a flutter in their stomach at the extended hand. They’re going to miss Atlas, they’re going to miss this, this feeling of being important to someone else. They walk to match his stride, then pull on his arm to draw him towards them, pressing a kiss onto his lips, body close. Their eyes open again, scanning Atlas’ face with a smile. “Thank you for taking me to the beach.”

~-~

Atlas eyes scan the beach in front of them trying to find a nice patch then could perch themselves on. He realizes now a second blanket may have been handy but he’d only grabbed one for the human in a rush. A little sand on his clothes wouldn’t hurt he supposed, it was worth it. His eyes adjusted to detail quickly, used to taking in details in the dark rather than sunlight. Sometimes he still found himself favoring his sunglasses to avoid such brightness. You can love something but it can still hurt you. He’s caught up in looking around when Sahid tugs on him, catching him off guard as their lips meat.

Why did this have to end? Atlas wanted to be selfish and protest, to make things harder for Sahid to walk away from. He wanted to keep them in Astoria, keep this source of happiness in his life. But, that wasn’t the kind of person he was. At least hadn’t been in some time. So he took the small joys he could and melted into the kiss, his hand sliding around the waist to draw them in close as it is deepened. If this was goodbye he was going to make it memorable. It was as the other pulled away that a small protesting sound escaped him, but he knew it was lost to the other, a fact he was sure was better they did not know. His hand raises to their cheek as he smiles in return “thank you for coming to Astoria” he returns. 

Where: Tuah’s house.

With: @oldatlas

Tuah reread the thread of text messages between him and Atlas, unable to stop himself from smiling as he read the conversation. He tried to hide the fact that he was the one that left the bouquet of roses on Atlas’ desk at Kaleidoscope, though from the conversation, he had a suspicion that perhaps Atlas already figured it out. Still, it was fun to play pretend until the very end.

He hadn’t seen Atlas since everyone had returned. It could be said that Tuah was avoiding Atlas as best as he could now that everything had returned to normal. Whatever intimacy that they shared during the week was kept to himself as he stubbornly moved forward. Atlas refused to talk about it, and he didn’t want to push. He didn’t blame him for it either, knowing that it was hard for them both to express what they had been through. But at least Tuah was willing to talk about it with Carleigha, and he hoped that Atlas had someone to talk to so he wouldn’t feel alone. Even if that someone wasn’t him.

He placed his phone on the counter as he went about to clean himself, changing from his work suit to something more comfortable – a matching set of black sweats from Mack Weldon – before coming down to the kitchen to prepare something hot to drink. When the doorbell rang, Tuah padded his way towards the front door, a soft smile on his lips as he greeted him. “Atlas,” the name graced his lips once more, soft and lovingly once more.

~-~

When he found the flowers on his desk Atlas knew who they were from. It wasn't often he received such a gift and in the last few years it almost always came from Tuah. Bringing them to his nose had Atlas recalling previous times he'd done the same thing, and how he had been able to thank the older vampire without hesitation. He knew that two months ago he made a choice for both of them, to push Tuah away so he stopped hurting them. It didn't mean he felt any different towards them, or that he didn't long for them most days. He stayed away, they both did to their best ability. Then the world torn in half. Atlas doesn't like talking about it, let alone think about it, but he knows that if Tuah had not been there he would not have come out as collected as he is now. Whilst everyone else saw a hollowed Atlas walking around, Tuah had been the only one to see him flooded with grief and desperation. He was the only one Atlas felt safe enough to simply exist with. His arms were the ones that held him in one piece, their tears mixing together. They had been sleeping together for four years, and yet that was the most intimate they'd ever been, broken souls holding on together.

Which made things even more dangerous as Atlas found himself flirting with his old lover over text messages. Two months he'd had excuses to stay away piled high, and now they all seemed washed away as he recalls the hours curled up on Tuah's couch sipping tea trying to find strength to get through to the morning. Why would he ever want to push away such a person? Of course thinking about it now he wasn't thinking of the pain they caused each other, both wanting the same thing yet different things all at once. He couldn't picture the looks of pain in Tuah's eyes when he pulled away, because all he could think about where how nice his arms were and how simple it would be kiss them hello again. So with no consequences in mind Atlas abandoned his plans for the evening and found his way to familiar streets, making one stop along the way, before finally finding himself in front of an all too familiar door.

Tuah: I wouldn't know, though I suppose given how late it is, most people would be home. I know I am.

Tuah: I suppose, though I'm sure that they wouldn't say anything even if they don't like the gift. They're too kind.

Atlas: But not everyone wants company at this hour...

Atlas: Though I do hope they do.

Atlas: I might leave the club now then.

― ― ―

“Do you have photos?” Skye asked eagerly, practically rolling at her imagination’s conjuring of Atlas without his luscious locks. “Well. I’m still wearing a flapper dress if the prohibition comes along, can’t stop me. Celebrating the freedom and all. Plus I look damn good.” It wasn’t that she’d dismissed Atlas’ history lesson–Skye had a habit of absorbing his random bits of trivia and experience, tucked them away in the depths of her memory, a hidden smirk of just awe every time that Atlas knew so much and her so little. As though she remembered just how old he was–a teacher and their student. 

‘Have you forgotten I’m nocturnal and you my dear are not?’ A scoff falls from Skye’s lips, arms folding over her chest and pouting, not offended in the least but playing up the ‘hurt’. If anything to win their current banter. “Technically, I’m not a slave to the moon like the bitten, but technically I’m nocturnal. Half-nocturnal.” Snickering at the question of a Snuggie, Skye made a lips-are-sealed motion and gave a enigmatic shrug. “Guess I know what I’m getting you for your belated Valentine’s Day gift.” Untraditional, perhaps, but now she had all the more reason to purchase him one that was pink.

She then shot Atlas a smirk at the thought of marriage. “Is that your proposal? Here I thought I’d have this lavish display of something old and traditional, a flair of the dramatic. You’d at least get down on one knee.” An up-down glance at him before pretending to cold shoulder, a cascade of mahogany locks over her shoulder from the flip of her hair. If given the opportunity, Ske would’ve married Atlas–keep him in her life forever, never thinking or imagining the day they’d part. Skye was convinced, just as spontaneously as he’d showed up in her life, that he would always be there no matter what–never thinking that he could just as easily disappear. “’Course you can wear the dress, don’t be silly. You can even pick out my wedding attire.” She did, secretly, thrive when Atlas or anyone picked out anything for her. Relishing in the attention, a game of who knew her better than herself, sympathetic toward those that tried and didn’t succeed. 

As Atlas spoke, Skye considered the idea, shifting not something that had ever really appealed to her–preferring to be whole rather than half within any species. “That’d be such a dangerous ability for us…” A mischievous smirk curled on her lips at the thought, scenarios dancing through her mind and chuckling to herself. “He has every opportunity to do that, doesn’t he? But he wouldn’t.” There was a sincerity, knowledge in Skye’s response, just as Atlas knew Seamus wouldn’t either. Adopting Seamus as her pseudo-brother along with Zoey, Skye had had no doubts or hesitations to do so. A bond between them from being lost, unaccepted, darkness residing that threatened to consume and drown them, respectful in giving the other space. But all Skye wanted to do was be the lifeboat Seamus needed, that between the two, if they were both drowning, could manage to wade the waters for him. Detached, as they were, but Skye was trying to prove that above all else, she was someone Seamus could rely on. 

‘What now’ should always be followed with ‘another round’. Skye laughed, recalling scenarios she’d been given the opportunity and kicking them out instead in an effort to self-preserve and to sever anything that might’ve tethered them. For them to become a regular occurrence, to last longer than a flavor of the week was almost impossible for Skye to consider, afraid of herself getting too attached. Used to doing the rejecting now than being the rejected. “I prefer spontaneous encounters. If it’s meant to happen, I’ll make it happen.” Not exactly spontaneous then, was it? Work was just the outlet she needed again, to lose herself in the moments, to live for the night. “I suppose I can take time out of my busy day.” Teasing, Skye had rolled her eyes as though she were doing Atlas a favor. But he knew she’d be there. “Do you have a new cocktail to debut after the closure?” Figured that might’ve been what Atlas had been doing in his free time. 

“I had no idea.” The response Atlas uttered caused Skye’s lips to press together in a thin line, knowing that her attempt of comfort hadn’t worked. She hated having inexperience, in life, supernatural or not. She was a competitor that thrived on winning, hated losing, even if she acted like she didn’t care about any of it. Quiet now as Atlas continued, unable to fathom the emptiness of longing–or she was able to, at least somewhat. A part of her that couldn’t be filled, no matter how much she wished, how much she trained–she’d never be whole. Atlas too was without that fulfillment in his own life, a piece of him unable to be filled. But they weren’t comparable, at the same time–entirely different feelings of emptiness than one another. Her natural joking would’ve taken hold with anyone else, but at a loss for words, Skye felt numb in the moment, breath caught in her throat, almost swelled, as though she wanted to cry for Atlas. Ridiculous, wasn’t it? 

And sat there thinking–wishing there was a cure just for Atlas and other vampires that felt the same to be able to have what they wanted: a choice. Become human again, to live and then die, or remain as they were. To grow old with someone. Skye would age. Anyone Atlas knew that wasn’t a vampire would ultimately die–and he’d gone through his entire existence experiencing it. Death appearing just to drop their scythe and claim souls while leaving Atlas by the wayside. Meanwhile the other side of the scale was almost a complete balance of the reasons why Atlas couldn’t. ‘I would do it if Bash did.’ An averted gaze, soft smile there on her lips. “Surely if you were the one to offer it to him he’d take it.” It was another moment of envy, an unsettling jealousy that Skye found herself feeling toward Bash–wondering if there’d be anyone who felt so fiercely as Atlas did for the other vampire for her. A dawning realization of heartbreak on her end experiencing it first-hand when Atlas had been separated from Bash. Knowing in her heart that if anything were to happen, if both were in the face of danger, that Atlas would save the other, and Skye would silently agree for him to do so. Morbid thoughts–but it was simply how they were, and Skye knew this. A connection that was stronger than what her and Atlas shared, and Atlas was the one to teach her that love was the most powerful emotion.

A soft intake of breath–the question poised to her in turn. A conversation that, under normal circumstances, having not gone through what they’d all gone through, Skye would’ve said hell yes. “It’s tempting, the idea of remaining beautiful forever.” A stall, purposeful and deliberate as she thinks of an answer. “My thoughts are similar to yours–but I don’t know if I even want children,” Wondering if she’d flee, become too overwhelmed at the thought of motherhood, disappear entirely from their lives. “–but you know how stubborn I can be if I can’t have something I want.” The smirk she manages doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “I’d…it’d be something that was mine though, wouldn’t it?” Atlas knew, on equal lines of Ally, just how much she loathed being a halfling, the be part of something but never entirely. Weak and never complete. “Like Kaleidoscope…that’s mine. Something I chose–” At first an escape, being a bartender at 32, circumstances that stemmed from rebelling against her father for the daughter he’d also had prior. “I’d have a world I belonged to entirely.” No longer part of one or the other, no longer divided in the middle, not quite fitting into either side. “Why? Are you offering?” Skye asked lightly, realizing now she didn’t know Atlas’ circumstances, in an attempt to clear the mood she’d unintentionally blanketed between them. 

~-~

"No." Yes, but he wasn't about to go pulling them out. Just as he wouldn't share the photo of him and Bash in the 80s when Atlas convinced him to dress up as punks in London. It was a look neither would go on to revisit, but a memory locked away somewhere in one of his many photo albums. A strip from a small booth they'd slipped into at one point, holding up middle fingers and sticking their tongues out. It was ridiculous, and perfect all at one. Even the memory of it pushes away any nasty ones from his shaven head days. "You look good in anything," he points out as if it was an obvious fact she looked good in a flapper dress. He'd yet to see something she couldn't work. She could even pull off the colour yellow, a shade not made for everyone.

"Half-nocturnal? So... fairly mundane?" Atlas wishes he has a cup of coffee to hide his smug grin, knowing it would only draw further reaction from his companion. Confusion won over his smile though, unsure what she was talking about and why she would not elaborate. Feeling as though he had no choice once she had decided it would be gifted to him he let out an over the top sigh looking at her "if you must I suppose I shall accept such a gift." If only he knew what to expect.

"I may be old but do you think of me as traditional?" Truth be Atlas would at least have a ring to give, even if it was one of the many he wore on his hand. Perhaps if he ever did propose he may get on his knee, but he thought it would come more of a natural moment, whispered between them as he passed his ring over. He ignored the fact he'd given Bash a ring in a similar manner, knowing in that moment it had been a different context completely. "So monkey costumes it is?" he jokes before turning more serious on the subject. One day he would probably go to her wedding, if she did wish for one. "I could see you in a wedding dress. Something with an open back... flowing with delicate features. Hair up but not in a bun... maybe like curls cascading down in some sort of up do. Oh and one of those skirt overlaps that come off so the dress is shorter of dancing in." Sure, he could see her in a tuxedo with clean lines and maybe lace shirt underneath or an open blouse, but something about her in a dress basically floating on her body felt right. A gentle, romantic side of her, one not everyone was lucky to see.

"I think he wants us to trust that he wouldn't unless he needed to. If he suddenly shifted we should be worried, you know? Almost like a secret password to say he needs help." Atlas knew how much identity meant to Seamus, having calmed him through some of his troubles with it. He suspected it would be some time before he saw the young man shift again, and if he did it would draw questions as to why and if Seamus was okay. Thus why Atlas would assume Seamus was in some kind of trouble, perhaps even avoiding someone who could get them into trouble.

For the old vampire spontaneous just felt temporary, and after some time temporary was all he had. Everything he knew was always leaving him. Now there were a few lovers he held on to, not wanting to watch them walk away as if there was nothing between them. Sure, Atlas was not good at what came next, what most people would call relationships, but he knew returning to someone meant something. There were strangers in his bed, and then there were his lovers. Sahid as of late, Tuah for many years. Neither of them were temporary, even if it was over now. He rolls his eyes, moving pass the subject of sex to that of work. Somehow they both felt somewhat addictive. "I don't know, do we?" he returns to her, given she was his head bartender and often let her run wild with creativity behind the bar as long as the drinks tasted good and people kept coming back for more. "I'm sure between the two of us we can think up something."

"And that is how it should be." Atlas didn't wish upon anyone to have to think of the things people missed out on life when it was taken from them. He would never wish on her to deal with any of these issues as a mortal either. He is not alone in issues such as futility, and perhaps as a human he would have suffered them regardless. It was just a fact now, one he could not work around in any manner. Perhaps one day he would find strength in himself to adopt but raising a human came with risks of its own, and Atlas' mental state was not healthy to be around reckless children prone to injury. "It is something my kind do not talk often on. A subject to avoid unless you know the vampire well." A warning of sorts, not to upset those who have not come to accept their fate as he had. It was not an easy subject for him to talk on, he could not imagine a younger vampire only realizing such things now.

"As flattering as the thought is, I do think he would take it from others." Bash was older than Atlas, and had long lost a spark in him that made him strive for more in his life. Atlas knew how tired the vampire was, how he ached from his past mistakes and horrors. Though he suspected if Bash was given a cure he would first offer it to another, selfless as always, but ultimately he thought the man would take it. Maybe he was wrong, maybe he was bias, thinking Bash deserved that choice, but either way it saddened him to think about. Humanity meant living, truly living, but in the end it also meant death was unavoidable, and this earth would lose something more special than people realised. "But, there is no cure for what we are. At least here in Astoria we can pretend... blend easier, live more openly. It's nice after all this time. So at least there's that." He smiles, trying to make light of the darkening subject matter.

Her breath tells him he's caught her off guard. Something he didn't often do. "As if you wont already remain beautiful forever," he taps his temple "already have you saved for eternity up here." Flirting aside he listens to her thoughts, unpacking what it would mean for her if she ever offered to be turned willingly. "You don't have to have them. No one does." Atlas wanted her to know it was a valid option in life, especially now more than ever. They were still in an era where it was somewhat expected but it was not unusual for people to go without children, even without marriage or partners. The blueprint on life was being rewritten, with a million different versions for people to decide from. It was rather liberating, and Atlas could not wait to see what came from it in the future. Something that was all mine. Atlas was not unfamiliar with the struggles Skye had as a half-ling, though he could not understand it directly he understood she struggled with it. Something in him swelled with pride, perhaps joy too, when she mentioned the club, claiming it as hers. "Yes," he nods as she continues to elaborate. "Not to get too sappy on you but you belong to my world. Entirely so. It would feel wrong without you in it." Maybe it wasn't the same thing but he wanted to remind her she had a place, even if it was with one old man who filled his wine glasses with blood most days. Atlas chuckles, his eyes flicking to her neck momentarily before he says "not today" as if one day he might.