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@okenskeld
OKENSKELD . a private THORIN OAKENSHIELD . heavily based in headcanons and dwarrow lore with mild influences of book canon and movie adaptation. alternate universe timeline favored. loved by punk ( they / them, 25+ ) please read the rules prior to interaction.
associated with: rngbrglr.
CARRD . PLAYLIST . WISHLIST . META GUIDE.
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just wait till i get off my butt and finally make boromir,
@rngbrglr : i’ll need some time to process that. - listen but imagine this is about the thing that i said we would eventually have to rip the bandaid off of----
There is not enough time in the world for them to properly apologize. there are no words which they could string together that could absolve the guild they feel for hasty decisions; sickness of the mind or not. They much take responsibility of their actions and face the consequences as they come. A nod, "I understand," spoken soft, spoken calm. Though their eyes do not meet Bilbo's any longer. Instead they circle to their hands, turning the thick ring that resides on his index finger. Clearing their throat, Thorin finally casts his eyes to Bilbo once more, reaching up and through their hesitance to place a hand to the Hobbit's shoulder, "You've a kind heart, Bilbo, and your forgiveness is far more than I deserve." a breath, smile small though genuine. "I'll leave you be for the moment, there are other apologies to dole out."
I abandoned my boy 🧍
days , weeks, months--bilbo didn't know how long he had been lingering around the infirmary as thorin healed from the battle upon battle upon battle they had went through. everything blended into one long lifetime, he forgot when days turned into nights and vice versa. the other's kept telling him to go and get fresh air, that the underground wasn't good for one's health in such a dire situation. but bilbo ignored them for the most part, only when he was in charge of collecting water from the lake for the large group would he leave his post and go with a small trope of dwarves to the surface.
he needed to be here when they woke up, he INSISTED on it. he wasn't going to do anything else save eating and sleeping (and only then was it a couple hours if that, not to mention he wouldn't leave thorin's side when doing so). there would be an odd complaint here and there from the hobbit about how his neck was riddled with kinks, but those were few and far between for he knew better than to whine when the king was fighting for their life every second of every day.
it's how he was found when thorin started to wake. head resting against his arms which were resting on the side of the bed that thorin had been recovering on, there almost being a whistle to his breaths. the moment he felt movement from the other bilbo's eyes snapped open, head rising quickly from where he had been.
for a second in time bilbo forgot how to breath as he saw thorin open their eyes. in an instant he gathered the dwarf's hand in both of his own, voicing his thoughts with tears already starting to trickle down his face.
"yeah.." he swallowed, his breath hitching after his mind remembered how. "i know, but..but don't you worry, it's okay, we're okay..you're okay." his hands did their best not to squeeze thorin's too tightly, but he wanted them to know that this was real.
they all survived. and what a joy that was.
It is as if all the worry they had carried with them into the dark disappears, seeping out of a still exhausted body as their shoulders relax. They slip their hand from Bilbo's to cup a cheek, thick thumb wiping away his tears. They're close but Thorin closes what little gap is left, knocking their foreheads together. Rest will come easier now to the both of them, for certain.
For a moment Thorin breathes, closing their eyes and simply lets themselves feel their body, feel Bilbo near them and listen to the noises echoing off long quieted walls. Their chest lifts with a rattle, eyes opening to stare into the hobbit's. "And what of Fili and Kili?" they ask quietly, thoughts already beginning to turn towards not only their nephews but other family members as well. Dis would have heard by now, if not from one of the company then from Dain.
They drop their hand to twine their fingers once more, exhaustion beginning to win out as they slump back, despite their fight of it. Despite all that has happened to them, to their family and company there is one thing that plagues them and so they continue to fight the pull of sleep. Thorin squeezes Bilbo's hand, "Bilbo.. I.." Apologies pile on tongue but where to start?
Balin's warning rings within their ears. The distrust, the threatening of life, a hatred that bred within them to the point of threatening the life of a very dear friend that only wanted to help. "My actions were my own, dragon sickness or not." Their voice is watery, thick with guilt. "I will not ask for your forgiveness only that you allow me the chance to make it up to you."
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dwalin and balin are thorin's longest friends and closest confidants. while they trust all in the company it is these two that they holds the most dear. it's in my opinion that dwalin is just a bit older than thorin ( some thirty to fifty years or so ) and so they were raised together. balin being dwalin's older brother got sort of a two for one deal with thorin tagging along. or would it be dwalin to was told to tag along with thorin everywhere? either way if thorin needs advice, it's either one of these two that they seek out.
hmm... need to make a post about dis n about how her anger towards thorin didn't wane for years after the battle. her sons returned to her in such state, how could thorin face her when they promised to watch over them? yes, she is their sister but she is also fili and kili's mother and her anger is just.
One would assume merriment after such arduous quest, for joy to saturate the air but such is not in the halls of this mountain home. There may be relief but the light that shines is tinged bitter, for weeks now still lay the body of one Thorin Oakenshield. Sweat beads the brow, hair now twisted in knots despite the wash the locks received. The images that flash behind closed eyes are one of blood, pain, suffering; a long fought war that they see ending differently.
At first there had been nothing, only the absences of pain and a sorrow that one could not wholly and truly explain as a dulling gaze met wet eyes. What they believed to be their last words spoken, an apology and also a call for hope, peace. Let the world be a merrier place, let it be brighter, happier, with folks like their hobbit.
But soon from the darkness came a full bodied pain and image after image of a mind wracked with fever until all at once it comes to head. In their hand their sword, their feet slip across the ice but try as they might to reach the other side they aren't steady enough, fast enough, strong enough and Bilbo... their hobbit, their burglar--
When their eyes open they see nothing at first, they hear nothing but the pounding of their own heart and images of kin and friends dead and gone. There is a weight on their chest it feels, holding them down but it doesn't deter them from reaching out still searching, "Bilbo! Where--!"
@rngbrglr : i’m here. i’m not going anywhere.
Finally eyes focus, blinking through a fog until all Thorin can see is Bilbo. Their hand lifts and reaches out overlapping with the hobbit's own where thick fingers squeeze and it is like a breath of fresh air. He is real and he is here. There is no dirt beneath their nails, no grim, mud, dirt that stain their hands and should they look down they would see their clothes fresh as well.
"I've no words.." they confesses, voice cracking from their time asleep, "I had seen.. thought we were all done." Relief paints their face, heavy brows relaxing with it. "And yet here you are."
as said by kaidan alenko. ac.
AS SAID BY KAIDAN ALENKO * assorted dialogue from mass effect
it’s my fault.
i’m glad we didn’t lose you.
you had to push me out of the way.
the blast knocked you out cold.
i’m glad to see you’re okay.
maybe you’re right. things went bad. real bad.
is that why you’re here? because of your family?
i don’t see how we could’ve done any better.
i’ve wasted enough of your time for now.
off the record, i think there’s something wrong here.
there’s writing on the wall here, but someone isn’t reading it.
maybe i was romantic in the beginning.
i’m not question the mission. i’m just concerned.
there was never any proof of that.
we kept our clothes on.
i won’t let you down.
you make a habit of getting this personal with everyone?
i’ll need some time to process that.
do you have time to talk now?
we’ve got some tough calls to make.
i’ve seen what cutting corners can do to someone, and i’d hate to have that happen to you.
you tell me if i’m going too far.
maybe there’s someone else you’d rather confide in.
i don’t want to step on anyone’s toes.
i apologize for bringing it up.
i’m not questioning any decision you’ve made. let me be clear about that.
i want to help you.
if i’m out of line, just say the word.
just think about what i said.
if i ever get a speeding ticket, i want you to be my advocate.
we haven’t had time together since our last chat and… a lot was said.
sorry. not sure where i stand. you seem a bit… uh. distracted.
i don’t want to distract you too much.
maybe my intentions were noble, but i lost control. i killed him.
this is all ancient history. i’m over it.
you don’t have to worry about me. i won’t be a burden on you.
all right, but it’s embarrassing you had to tell me that.
i might need to loosen up a little. i’ll try.
it’s just been a while.
i’ve got a few scratches and dents. i hope they just give me character.
i outgrew the blame game years ago.
they aren’t… malicious. they’re just slow to change.
don’t ream me out for having an opinion.
i thought we respected each other more than that.
i’m here. i’m not going anywhere.
you saved my life. i’m grateful for that.
sorry for anything i said back there. adrenaline.
should i be afraid of them? or in awe of them?
i’m not trying to make anyone uncomfortable.
i’m not jealous. i’m confused.
if you’re not serious about me, it’ll hurt but i’ll get over it.
i’ve got a lot tied up in you.
did i misread you? jeez, what else have i got wrong?
we’re closer than ever, thanks to you.
i don’t think i’ve ever met someone like you.
please, you’ll make me blush.
you know you can count on me.
if i can be of any help, let me know.
i hope i’m not out of line saying that.
i always leave a way out. you know that.
i’m here for you.
that’s what i… appreciate about you.
you’re something else, you know?
i hope we’re close enough after everything we’ve said already.
what happens if this doesn’t work out?
well if i didn’t think you were doing the right thing, i wouldn’t be here.
you know what, you’re right… about everything.
i think about losing you and i can’t stand it.
you make me feel… human.
i would know him in death, at the end of the world. bilbo & thorin, by alcohol and punk.
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canon divergence. thorin and his nephew's do not succumb to their injuries. while they do prove to be near fatal, they do not die. thorin remains in erebor for a couple months to heal, as do fili and kili. dis eventually comes and retrieves her children. thorin does not stay within erebor, instead returning to a nomadic way of life for a time and eventually making their way back to the shire where they stays with bilbo.
I think for Thorin there is an absence of gender or rather, gender in which we understand it. I don't believe there is any sort of structure of gender within dwarves and often what is traditionally masculine or feminine constantly mix or blur together. A dwarf is a dwarf is a dwarf and for our would-be king the spectrum is ever changing. There is only what is considered to be beautiful ( or not ) by dwarven standards and a lot of that revolves around beards, hair, and the character of the dwarrow in question.
As they were before Smaug, I think Thorin had a rather large beard like his father and his father's father but with the exile of their people and lose of their home came cutting it off in symbolism. They would be shorn until they all had their home back. Which is to say, they went from being extremely handsome and eye-catching by dwarven standard to the equivalent of 'they used to be so handsome..'
Thorin themselves though cared little for the societal standards around this beauty and only cared about the meaning behind their own actions.
this is my post saying thorin is trans, fuck gender that shit don't matter and that my pronouns i'll be using for the most part are they / them with the occasional he / him.
