Cleaning my room today and found my collection of business cards. The companies and people I received these from say so much about the kind of career goals I had - sadly, it's not lived out today.
I'd like to say that it's not lived out YET, but truthfully the visions I had then were long forgotten. With the excitement and novelty of getting A job, putting my focus on doing well here and building home/community/etc., there simply wasn't room to keep watering a dream that was only growing so vaguely. Or was there?
I feel that old tug on my chest. Remember how you actively sought out to be inspired by small and big companies because you wanted to do great things even if the beginnings were humble? Remember going to craft shows and awkwardly but bravely talking to the artist/CEO's, and being encouraged by they way they love their products? Remember how you stayed at the career fair when everyone else left to continue talking to those PD people, not to get a job because it was actually fun talking about your passion? Where is that passion now?
My current job is great, and I am thankful every day. I do believe that whatever I learn here will be useful for the things I'll desire to do next. But I've also become so comfortable that I ceased using that part of my heart that yearns to keep growing, finding, expanding.
"Your calling is where your deepest gratification and the world's needs, meet." - a sermon from somewhere
I think part of growing up is becoming good at accepting things - people, yourself, situations, etc. I might've become too good at it. Somewhere between then and now I've decided to prioritize comfort over dreams and now ambition is nearly a foreign concept. Being in the consumer product industry in a maturing market, it almost even seems silly to want to influence the world as a product designer. Part of me says that in the end it's all about business - the profit, marketability, branding, etc. because those are what keep the product alive.
Is it even possible to help people by making more stuff? Is there a point to make things pretty, to learn about form, the colors and textures and the presentation of the design intent? Is it more for self-fulfillment? Was all that inspiration and wonder for nothing?
But to not pursue seems synonymous to not live. To not try is to not grow, and to not dream... might be too stale a path in a world gifted by God.
