OisínWrites

At last, I had nearly given up, but I finally found another Scooby-Doo crossover comic! This one is based on a game called called “MULTIVERSUS” which is a bit like smash bro’s, so theres a lot of scene-changing before they all come together. It’s also about something called “the nothing”. First, Batman and Superman are fighting each other in a video game played in a treehouse by two kids called Dylan and Madison. Posters of a super-bunny and a monster carrot can also be seen inside the treehouse. Neither of them notices someone sneaking off, but it’s revealed in this comic that her name is Avia, her mother is big Barda and her father is Mr. Miracle. Then it says “elsewhen” and it appears to be the actual Superman, Batman and Wonder woman discovering a strange place where Batman says it must be alien or extra-dimensional and doesn’t obey conventional physics. Then theres a bright light and suddenly Clark wakes up, in bed with Louis, having blasted through the TV with his heat-vision, but also left a strange, alien-looking symbol on the wall behind it. They then discuss the strange goings-on at the daily planet office, but it turns out Batman and Wonder woman are also aware because, believe it or not, smartphones is how super-heroes are communicating! Anyway there’s a “collision detected”.

What I didn’t understand is why Tigra from the thundercats and Wonder woman were fighting, but it was pretty funny when Wonder woman was looking at her phone all the time while fighting and Tigra complains that she should at least pay her proper attention while fighting her. Anyway, when the three heroes are each checking their smartphones and looking at the strange glyphs, they suddenly pass out at the same time and wake up in the same place, at the front of a strange house. They then enter the house and one of the glyphs was of a bunny, but in a closet they meet Bugs bunny and the next part is really funny! Batman then has Bugs tied to a chair for questioning, but Bugs just keeps giving smart-ass answers instead of actually answering his questions. A carrot is placed on the nearby table as a bribe, but it turns out he can use his ear to reach and eat it! Meanwhile, as Avia begs Superman not to tell his parents any of this, Wonder woman discovers a video game where Tom and Jerry, as well as Jake the dog and Finn the human, are playable characters and asks, “is this some manner of a game?”. Avia says this console is some replicant of the mother box, making it a “daughter box” and she built it. There is then a huge energy surge from the console and Avia tells them it was like that when bugs came out of it!

Meanwhile, Flash arrives at “big belly burger” and discovers that a ridiculous villain called “the condiment king” has already been stopped by Shaggy and Scooby, who are now being rewarded. Then it switches again to Wonder woman in Africa. Another glyph was of a witch and now she is battling the wicked witch of the west and her flying apes! Then in Metropolis, Steven universe and Garnet are battling monsters with Superman joining them. Meanwhile, all the scenes are being watched by Batman on his bat-computer, but he is quickly abducted. After Superman freezes the monsters in place with his Ice-breath and Wonder woman catches the witch in her lassoe of truth, the giant head of Braniac with lots and lots of Braniacs drones coming out of it appears in Metropolis. Luckily, Green-lantern and Hawk-girl have now arrived. Superman breaks his way in and his first wave of enemies are all robots of Jake the dog, which were destroyed by Supermans laser-vision. The next wave are robots of Tom and Jerry which can also fly and a mini-robot of Finn the human can be seen coming out of a Jerry-robots chest. They begin to hold him in place while green gas is released, but he gets a message from Batman. It’s already gotten wierd, but now it turns out Batman has been shrunken to a tiny size and is held captive in the chamber Superman is now just reaching and Batman is now just breaking out of his capsule.

After defeating Braniac, Superman and mini-Batman see Braniacs monitor and it seems that Rick and Morty have also been targeted! After they do a reboot on Braniacs computer, it switches to where the witch is held captive. Now the witch, Braniac, Steven universe, Garnet, Shaggy, Scooby and Bugs are contained in the fortress of solitude. This part is really funny, though. Shaggy and Scooby have a campfire cookout inside their icy cell! In the cell next to them, Bugs dines on luxurious carrot cuisine, saying “Man cannot survive on junk food alone.”, while Batman (now normal size) and Superman argue over which one of them it was who gave him a table! It was also pretty funny when the witch and Braniac were arguing about science VS. Magic! As they make plans to save all the worlds, little do they suspect that a chip hidden in Scooby’s collar is letting them be listened to by the Joker, who is also spying on Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy!

They are bathing a magical creature called a rein-dog, which is a big fat green half-dog-half-reindeer and its sudden appearance also seems to be part of the collision. It usually has its tongue hanging open, but all of it’s expressions are hilarious and it’s funny in every scene it’s in! The Joker wants to steal the rein-dog, which he believes is key to “the nothing”. When the Joker comes to attack them, Harley and the rein-dog escape in a very fast car with added features. Meanwhile Superman, Batman and Wonder woman head for Gotham, where Harley is also headed and they are pretty sure the fortress of solitude is a secure place to leave the prisoners. Meanwhile, they’re escaping with vehicles they found in the fortress and they’re also heading towards Gotham.

What follows is some Fast-and-Furious style road-chasing action and Harley is a particularly obnoxious driver. She activates a front plough and ploughs through the police blockade, refuses when Batman demands she hands over the rein-dog and fires depth charges at the bat-plane, prompting an ejector-seat escape. She even shoots Superman with a gun that fires a plush-toy version of some face-hugging squid-thing. Batman is not too happy to see the prisoners here, but they promise to help catch Harley. Unfortunately, the Joker has arrived with a sort of clown-rocket-launcher. He causes massive road carnage with a single shot and laughs. Superman has had to step in, asking the police if they’re alright and swoops in to catch everyone in that blast, but then Steven universe falls off a bridge and everyone comes to save him from drowning, including Bugs, who can instantly change into any outfit and is now in one of the old-fashioned kinds of diving-suits. He’s in critical condition and not safe to move, but the rein-dog revives him with its magical healing powers! Meanwhile, on the edge of the known universe, big Barda and Mr. Miracle recieve a message about a massive energy distortion.

Back at Gotham, there are giant flashing letters in the sky saying “SELECT YOUR FIGHTERS OR THEY WILL BE CHOSEN FOR YOU!”. All of them, including Harley, head to the bat-cave, where they watch a news report on the bat-computer while the Joker is kept in a cell. Whole armies of flying drones are attacking the city and a mysterious countdown is in the sky. It was also pretty funny when Scooby and Shaggy tried on some bat-capes. Avia blames herself for creating the daughter-box, but Superman reminds her that it was because of the daughter box that they now know about all the other worlds. Although Batman isn’t particularly “edgy” in this comic, I think Superman always seems more warm and nurturing around kids. When Avia turns into Devoid, which seems to have been triggered by the daughter box which is now in the bat-cave, a battle then begins inside the bat-cave, where drones also seem to have appeared! Meanwhile, big Barda and Mr. Miracle have arrived at the front door of Wayne manor, in search of Avia. Devoid overpowers everyone in the bat-cave, blasts her way outside and flies off. With her super-strength, Wonder woman lifts the bat-mobile and uses it to smash an exit-hole.

Wow, looking back, I’m amazed I came up with EIGHT entire fan theories, but these were what I just wanted to get off my chest! I suppose it’s hearing lots of interesting fan theories that made me think of my own ones. They don’t have to be 100% realistic, but they can be fun to analyse and the interpretations of fans can be very interesting! There are still some things I like to analyse, but just don’t have a full theory on. Sometimes, there are two ways of looking at things and sometimes, the same speculations can be made where the same tropes are present.

That Spongebob episode with the cardboard box, is it a magic box that turns imagination into reality, or is it all in the imagination of a war veteran? There’s also an episode where Squidward goes to a resort full of squids with the same hobbies as him, but he gets sick of the repetition and goes on a rampage, so even disregarding Squidward being a war veteran, He’s still somehow disturbed! Did Anakin really kill the younglings, or save them from being slaughtered? Of mice and men was horribly able-ist, but is Hugo, the yeti in looney tunes, the reincarnation of Lenny, or is his character just a parody of Lenny, while also being satire of legends about “big-foot” ? I’m just not sure whether Voldemort is more like Hitler, or Nietzsche. When Mr. Tumnus was so startled by Lucy that he dropped his parcels, is that because he was a spy delivering information to the white witch, or because he was smuggling Christmas presents? Did the ewoks help the rebels just because Leia befriended them, or also because they’re a tribe of eco-warriors and the empire are also destroying their forest? I personally don’t think they are man-eaters, the rebels just thought they were going to be eaten by savages, but saw how wrong and stupid they were when the ewoks helped them win the war. It took Leia a while to make the ewoks see that they’re not the enemy, but she used diplomacy. Neither do I think WALL-E cannibalised the other WALL.E units, as their dead bodies which have rusted away can be seen in the background. It’s part of how things turned out differently to the old ads which can also be seen, either in the background or in the archives WALL.E keeps.

A trope I hate is when the message to kids is that your parents are only over-protective because they love you so much! This is especially in finding Nemo, but a strange fact about clownfish may change the way you look at it: when a clownfish son’s mother dies, he becomes a she and mates with the father. Now it can either be about a daring son and an over-protective father, or a son who may have already become a daughter and is impatiently waiting until he, or she, runs away to find someone else and what’s holding Marlin back is the awkwardness of being the only dad who’se a clownfish!

A lot of cartoons are about a mother-and-child battle and many mother figures in cartoons look to me like they’ve been reading the art of war, or that’s what they consult again after every lost battle. Stewie once found that very book, but Louis took it off him! There also seem to be a lot of boys who could be either a devil-child or just an ADHD-child. It’s the girls who are the sweet little angels, but they can also be even harder to handle! If Calvin is a devil-child, then his mother may have had her memory erased. Her husband knows that he just lives here and she could have gotten out of being ritually raped by the devil by sacrificing a dachshund instead, but she objected to animal cruelty. Hobbes could be a stuffed toy inspirited by Calvin’s personal angel who plays a similar role to Pinochio’s Jiminy Cricket. Or Calvin is just an ADHD child and Hobbes is a stuffed toy inspirited by the ghost of an environmentalist tiger who was shot by a hunter and thinks humans are wicked devils.

Cartoons are also often about predator-and-prey battles, but is it a real hunt, or are they playing a game, with props and special effects, to make it LOOK outrageously violent? If it’s a real hunt, some prey seem to either have a lot of dumb luck or be out-smarting the predator (who doesn’t seem to have been reading the art of war) by pretending to be stupid. Bugs doesn’t appear stupid, but he can disguise himself as female, so are all the prey ninja and masters of deception? The reasons for hunting the prey in spite of failing umpteen times could be to do with peer pressure, social norms, parental disapproval or even disownment! Do they fail because they’re just really bad at hunting, (which could also be why their prey is mocking them) or because deep down, they don’t really want to kill it? The baby looney tunes series makes things even more interesting! Sylvester and Tweety aren’t enemies in this series, but Sylvester is the most anxious. There’s even an episode Where a commercial makes him try a snack he really hates, just to be “cool”, so he has had social anxiety from an early age! During a road trip, there is a minor appearance of baby road-runner, being chased by baby coyote, in the background!

There are some interesting theories about why Bugs says, “what’s up, doc?”, but in the baby looney tunes series, he says this to an actual doctor! Bugs and Daffy manage to dodge getting their shots, but regret it next morning when they’re the only ones too sick to play outside! I don’t know if carrots are healthy for rabbits in the real world, but maybe they are in the cartoon world and Bugs became very health-concious since then? Or if what’s healthy for humans is junk for rabbits, is he saying “what’s up, doc?”, because he’s a chronic junk-food addict? Or will we just leave it at the rabbit eating carrots because cartoons are supposed to be stereotyped? I personally don’t think the carrots are drugs. Some of these theories are about Bugs being insane, but it’s really in the older cartoons, which were more outrageous before they toned it down, where he appears to be a mentally unstable and dangerous rabbit. In the modern ones, he seems more depressed. Could his depression be an adverse side-effect of the same medication that cured his insanity? Maybe he was put on trial, found “not guilty by reason of insanity” and medicated instead of punished, but he still suffers narcissistic abuse from Daffy duck, as well as the threat of habitat loss? Elmer Fudd has stopped hunting him, so was he once trying to kill the rabbit because it’s an insane and dangerous rabbit, but after many failed attempts, he realised that the cruelty he’s putting the rabbit through is only making the rabbit more insane? Or else they just decided to change the story, but that’s pretty much the same thing as multiple universes and there’s also the question of whether these hunters are really cruel or just stupid. Could we also leave it at “what’s up doc?” being sarcasm?

The Inuyasha anime is full of all kinds of demons who resemble certain animals while also being humanoid, so it’s not so far-fetched for the looney tunes to be demons, or that Bugs is a shape-shifting rabbit-demon similar to a kitsune, and he used to be much more manipulative. There’s also a theory of many bunnies all called Bugs and one is the son of another who Elmer actually managed to kill. This fits my own theory about the granny being an animal welfare worker and they are being raised by her in the baby looney tunes series when they don’t appear to have parents. She’s also trying to save the park in Tweeties high-flying adventure, but here she is talking to human children who only appear in this movie. It’s unclear whether they are her grand-children, another grannies grand-children, or if she’s also been raising orphaned human children, but she refers to herself in third-person as “granny” (which seems to be her only name) when talking to them. Is it all because she’s a widow who never had children? A little-kid version of Elmer also appears in an episode of the baby looney tunes series, who is a bully at first, but they become friends in the end, so why are they still enemies as adults? Are there different Elmers and not all of them hunt rabbits? Or are they really character archetypes, which have nick-names like “granny” and “tweety”, because that’s how Warner Bro.s keep their copyrights? I personally don’t think Bugs and Lola are siblings, since they don’t have matching fur coats, but the same speculation made by some fans has also been made by Cecil the turtle in an actual looney tunes movie! There also seems to be a lack of parents in the super-Mario universe, did Bowser kill Mario’s parents? At least we know he’s Bowser Jr.s father.

Also, you know how the wierdest thing Batman said to Catwoman was “Quiet or papa spank!” ? Well, there are other things like this I’ve wondered about. When Bugs was mistaken for a baby, why did Mrs. Ape say, while holding him, “naughty babies shouldn’t sneak away from their mothers, mother spank”? She actually just gave him a gentle diaper-patting and told Mr. Ape not to hit him, but why did they put that in? Is the joke meant to be that it’s the dumbest thing she could do after already mistaking him for her baby? The other, rougher, spankings were given by a severely mentally challenged yeti. Or did they sneak in a fetish joke for the grown-ups? In the english dub of Naruto, one of the hidden-leaf shinobi actually said to an enemy ninja, “kid, you’re about to get a spanking” after making fun of his enemies weapons, calling them “child’s toys” ! Were they translating some “trash talking” about a butt getting whupped, or that you are but a child and will be crushed on the battlefield? Or “thrashing” ? The re-make of the witches was actually very good, but why did it begin with “My grandma was the type to give ya a big ol’ spankin’ if ya deserved it, a big ol’ hug if ya needed it.”? Well, it seems to be a black stereotype, so is this the big fat mama who comes at you from behind and yells “outta here, scram”, if you really annoy her, but otherwise just tries to fatten you up? Honestly, I could go on and on, even geppetto’s workshop had a clock-work display of a semi-naked kid getting spanked and people say the part with kids getting turned into donkeys was creepy!

So Batman and other super-heroes used to be into spanking! If you do your research, that was when these references to the taming of the shrew were in fashion, though that still only explains the examples of male heroes taming shrew-like women. That doesn’t seem to be what happens in the authentic version of the shakespearian comedy, so maybe it was also part of the brain-rot of the time, since there were also concerns about television. If spanking was a compromise between the censorship of the time and the fact that it’s a beat-em-up genre, that might explain why there was so much of it, but it’s rubbish! That would never really solve things the way it did in those comics, but neither would the situations it’s being used to solve really happen. The way it’s done doesn’t look realistic and maybe it’s not meant to, since it’s cartoon violence, but it’s not as satisfying when it looks like it’s been choeographed with an unfair contract and more like figure-skating than real fighting. The spankings in the classic looney tunes cartoons were actually correct! A larger animal with opposable thumbs would be able to pick up and hold a smaller animal to its chest, turn it around and begin patting its rump, either gently or roughly, but doing this for punishment is also a sign of being extremely mentally challenged or confused! To be fair, though, super-girl did have a moment when her “super spank” DIDN’T work while the alien invaders laughed, saying “like you we are indestructible!”. She did it with stealth, so she was still being smart while making just one miscalculation, but she was actually calculating and it looks like a legitimate sumo takedown.

And no, Tintin did not spank Abdullah. It kind of looks that way, but on closer examination, the two were just horsing around in a room with rollerskates, a beachball, and other stuff! Then Snowy saw the captain spanking Abdullah, but it had every possible clue of it being a mirage! It was actually Naruto who gave a spoilt prince a proper, realistic, bash on the head, but he later apologised for it. Cartoons don’t have to be 100% realistic, but Herge didn’t want things to be too easy for the hero, so Tintin has to be smart with realistic limitations. That also means he can’t just beat up someone he’s only slightly taller than, if he can still keep his blue sweaters on without ripping any. Herge also didn’t want the hero to be too perfect, so although it’s essentially about the adventures of a teenager with extraordinary crime-solving talent, he can also be stupid sometimes. He tried to rescue Abdullah when it was strategically the wrong moment and ended up delaying the rescue by making Abdullah have to save his butt and be captured again, so the hostage is now re-located by the time reinforcements arrive. It could be that the Emir is the real prankster who blames his son every time and also tells his son to do things which are really his private jokes, but is sometimes forgetful enough to fall into his own traps! Or Abdullah is the real prankster, but that’s the only mystery Tintin doesn’t solve. Anyway, the captain is reminded by Adullah of the Incan mummy incident which he is still in terror from, but Abdullah has no idea of.

There are are other things I’ve found wierd, but aren’t to do with spanking. Batman has also said, “I am the hero Gotham needs, but doesn’t deserve!”. The Bluey episode where they pretend Dad is pregnant was contraversial, but I don’t see any mature content or anything offensive, so I guess the issue is more to do with it being wierd than anything else. I actually like Bluey, but it’s own kind of potty/butt-humour does make me wonder how they come up with this stuff? It was pretty cool when Dwayne Johnson danced the Samoan war-dance in one of the Fast-and-Furious movies, but why did it also have the Samoan granny throwing her slipper at someone when that seemed out-of-genre next to the Rock going into battle as a Polynesian tribal warrior and all that car-chasing? Well, in some cultures, that’s a serious insult! That movie “everything, everywhere, all at once” was obviously MEANT to be wierd, but why was the main character a Chinese tiger mom? One of the “sonic says” messages was a warning about picking up or holding a wild animal. I know it’s only a cartoon, but I just find it wierd that a hedgehog is telling a fox this! Then Blinky Bill’s mother makes a fuss over his pants when koalas DONT NEED pants, but a koala in suspenders does have the “fun cartoon” look. There is some contraversy about speedy Gonzales, but I find it much wierder that those other penguins in happy feet who use pebbles as currency are all Mexican stereotypes, even though they’re Antarctican.

No.8 of my own top eight fan theories. Warning: this is about suicide in relation to persecution! (and just one mention of something sexual) The Simpsons are in two universes, a brighter one where they do have conflict but always resolve it while learning wholesome lessons and a darker one where they are oppressed by evil TV networks!

Here I am also guessing at what the intentions of Matt Groening and his crew might be as well as examining what’s happening in-story. Family guy may have also been at some of the same places as the Simpsons, but family guy gets dark when it's about things like abusive relationships, AIDS and rape. The Simpsons gets dark when it makes fun of networks and corporations, (it even makes fun of FOX!) but although sometimes it's just a crowd of reporters appearing, or a prize-giving show called "me wantee", it has also gone much farther than that. I suppose any show deals with different topics in different episodes, (obviously, they can't fit everything in one episode, that would be a very long episode) but episodes which deal with other topics are actually wholesome, because they are dealt with in a way that’s actually sensitive, while also making it funny. I may not be able to place EVERY SINGLE episode, but it seems as though the Simpsons are in at least two realities.

It’s like in LOST, where in one universe, they are dead and in hell, while in the other, they are all living happily ever after, but this is a less literal version. In the darker universe, the same family are in a living hell with the curse of being famous, being persecuted by so-called “reality” TV and Bart is trying to escape by killing himself, no longer caring whether he ends up in heaven or hell! Whether it’s jumping the Springfield gorge or using the worst kinds of junk food to become obese while putting himself through herculean amounts of physical exertion, (that was one especially boundary-pushing episode that made me very uncomfortable, but Bart was the only kid in Springfield elementary who became obese, even though Skinner gave the corporation permission to have their vending machines in the hallways!) the networks and corporations enable his attempts because they’re good for the ratings, making sure his attempts fail but cause the most damage possible to him or anyone stopping him without releasing either of them from living hell!

Now, it is quite unlikely for the networks to really be THIS evil, or for network persecution to lead to suicide attempts. This is just another of my own fan theories I wanted to get off my chest. There is also the odd hint at their lives being scripted, like when Lisa says "sounds like another of our crazy adventures" or when Bart is on a sinking ship and says "I was meant to die at fifteen in a foolish accident!", so THAT'S when they'll let him be liberated! Dark secrets about them being a family of TV stars were also revealed in "behind the laughter", but it only seems that way in some episodes. In the brighter universe, it’s not that they don’t have problems, but there is more learning and growing, they're still living relatively normal lives and the only neck-strangling that ever happened was Erin strangling Krusty, but the episode this happened in actually had touching father-daughter drama and that story about dealing with the consequences of your impulse-acts as well as how the special-forces changes people, which the mortal kombat saturday morning cartoon show also went into. What they don't have there is any idea that, in spite of their predicaments, there could be something even more sinister going on! Even Mr. Burns has been nice sometimes, but sometimes there seem to be other corporate devils who are even more sinister than he is! It's already been made clear that Moe the bartender is depressed and suicidal, but there was an episode where he became Maggie's baby-sitter and Maggie liked him so much, she cried whenever it was time for him to go! Later, some gangsters came to kill him, but he showed them the adorable baby and moved them to tears with his story beginning with "you know, if you had just come here a few days earlier, I wouldn't have cared if you shot me..." and they spared his life! There was also, though, an episode that was technically about the phone rather than TV networks, but basically, Lisa was angry about them building a mast at their house, which was making people sick!

Of course, there are also the Simpsons Halloween specials, which are meant to darker and more terrifying than the regular episodes. They're not meant to be canon, but Homer strangling Bart is canon with the Halloween specials! Well, the now-iconic yellow skin began as a joke to make viewers think there was something wrong with their TV set so, I dunno, maybe this is another joke on you, the viewer? You think it's a regular episode because it doesn't have the spooky "tree-house of horror" intro and it turns out to be even more disturbing, because you're not expecting horror? Bart being obese was something else. What also suggests they are in two different universes is the inconsistencies of the characters. Lisa is known for being a “nerd”, but while her bookishness and perfectionism are typical for a little girl, she should be a “jock” as well. She’s very health-concious and aware of the American obesity problem, so she should be into sports, especially women’s sports, because she’s also a passionate feminist! Her mastery of the saxaphone shows she can get good at anything with time and practice, so why not sports? Actually, this HAS once been the case, in one of the Simpsons comics, where she supported a women's basketball team.

In the brighter universe, Lisa tends to see things in black and white, which is developmentally plausible for an eight-year-old, but seeing other sides of issues is part of how her character develops. In the darker universe, they all seem to have fake TV personalities and sometimes even swap roles for dramatic effect. It sometimes seems plausible for Lisa to be precocious, but other times it seems like her agent has slipped her the information so she can be "the smart one". The TV personalities also seem to be based on a certain image but without being entirely consistent with themselves. Perhaps if Frank Grimes had realised that Homers sloppiness was an act, it wouldn't have had such tragic consequences! Maybe Homer fell asleep at the funeral because was weary of life as a TV star. What he was heard saying in his sleep was "Marge, change the channel" and there was an audience who laughed! There have also been some fourth-wall-breaking moments, suggesting that they are, in fact, TV stars! The social worker talks to Marge about her love of cooking and she replies, “At six’O’clock, we go live!”. This episode began with them all strangling each other! Another fourth-wall-breaking joke was Homer being in the centre of a group hug. He then looked at his watch, saying “There’s still time, lets hug again!”, so they hugged again just before the credits began, but this was a more wholesome ending.

Homer has made some hilariously stupid racist comments about native Americans like "they should just go the hell back to native America!" ! One apparent inconsistency is that he is friendly towards native Americans in other episodes, but that can easily be explained by Homer having learnt a wholesome lesson, which can also explain why he is a homophobe in some episodes and friendly towards gay people in others. In fact there's an entire episode about him coming to accept that a guest in his house is gay. He also learns about immigrants from Apu and left-handedness from Ned. The real inconsistency is that Homer sometimes seems to be a silly fool, but also sometimes seems more of a brute and a drunkard, even though Barney is meant to be the belching drunk. He is sometimes an unfit couch potato who makes the odd attempt to lose weight, but he is also sometimes strong enough to throw a sumo giant over himself when in Japan and give Bart a proper strangling without himself getting tired. Sometimes, Marge seems to only be patiently dealing with Homers silly foibles, but it also sometimes seems like they're having more serious marriage problems and the poor kids are traumatised! When the things Homer said while drunk in the back of a taxi were revealed on TV, he said "I can't believe they cancelled monkey trauma centre for this?" Are the networks trying to fuel the drama and bring out the worst in everyone because it's good for the ratings? The episode where Homer was accused of being a sexual predator was also about him being persecuted by the networks, but although that episode was more rude than dark, he confesses at the end, "Marge, honey, I haven't learned a thing!"

The Simpsons have been on some very unethical game-shows. Not just the cruel Japanese “happy smile family wish” show, but even a show where Homer was tricked into thinking he was being sentanced to death by the electric chair! They were also once on a show where they were living like people in Victorian times, but their Victorian house was picked up and moved. They were being abandoned in the middle of nowhere, but they teamed up with the outcasts who failed the challenges of survivor island, also having been abandoned there and rose up against the evil TV network! Dr. Nick also seems to be a TV host rather than a real doctor and is actually dangerous! Dr. Hibbert does seem to be a real doctor, but also seems to enjoy putting patients in pain! Is there a hidden camera connected to a studio room, where an audience are laughing at their misery? If he's always laughing at inappropriate moments, is that because he's one of the evil network people who knows the sinister truth? Maybe some episodes are having a go at how low the networks can go, or maybe some episodes are referencing previous shows which were extremely unethical in their day, but have thankfully been abolished? Or are they just pushing boundaries, but no matter how contraversial and "edgy" the Simpsons gets, they can still say the networks are even lower? Do they sometimes get away with going the whole hog, but other times have to change an episode in mid-production because they're heading into contraversial territory, resulting in an episode that handles sensitive subject matter in the most heart-warming way possible? Or is the best way to make the point about the networks by making the most tasteless episode for them to air, while also putting in some jokes at the networks expense?

So, in the darker universe, why does Homer not only strangle Bart, but do other cruel and unusual things as well, such as chaining Bart to the post next to Santa’s little helper? Is he a socialite who gets media attention this way because it's all a joke to him, or is it something even darker, that a script forces him to do terrible things he really hates, and there are punishments worse than strangling if they don't all play their roles exactly? Is that why, when Bart and Lisa saw themselves in the mirror after having a scissors fight, they were so concerned about their "bad boy spikes" and "good girl points" being ruined? Is that the real abuse going on behind their scripted and fake lives? Also, where did he get a spiked ball-on-chain from? Does he have a hobby of collecting mediaeval weapons that was never hinted at elsewhere or is it from a TV prop department? When Bart and Lisa crashed the "good guy awards" saying "you haven't seen the real Homer!", they actually had footage which seemed to from a TV show of their lives! Maybe they WERE seeing the real Homer, but didn't know it's because he's sick of the networks forcing him to do terrible things and daycare has offered him a way out other than suicide!

When Bart finds out that one of the robots on ROBOT RUMBLE was really Homer in disguise, no kid would really say "I have the coolest dad ever!", they'd be horrified, because those robots really wreck each other! Is this a secret Bart can't reveal for fear of punishments worse than strangling, so his teacher doesn't know there's a hidden camera and he has to be a "bad boy" so she just blames his parents for failing at discipline? Or do all the kids in his class know what's really going on and that's why they're cheering when he announces that he'll jump Springfield gorge, because they're wishing him a good liberation? But then something did give Bart new reason to live: stopping sideshow Bob, because Bart is not the only one he's out to kill and a dangerous criminal on the loose is a dangerous criminal on the loose! What made him turn evil was also to do with his place on a TV network! That's also what nearly turned Lisa evil in the episode where Springfield got it's own kids news program, but she saw what she was becoming! What's also dark when you think about it is that Sideshow Bob is self-harming! I don't think he's suicidal though, I think it's his pent-up anger and grudge-bearing that make him lose sense of what he's doing or where he's stepping.

No.7 of my own top eight fan theories. Warning: toilet content! sonic the hedgehog is using Chile dogs as a laxative because of his extreme, fast-paced life-style!

No.6 of my own top eight fan theories. Warning: dark theory! the smurfs are Gargamels imprisoned test subjects in cruel and scientifically meaningless experiments. (also just ONE mention of something sexual)

No. 5 of my own top eight fan theories. Warning: this is to do with a series which portrays emotional abuse! Shippo the fox is not actually a child.

Don’t get addicted to Inuyasha. Its because of being already addicted to this manga/anime series that I have avoided Twilight. Its actually both really good and really bad, but lets look at the japanese folklore its based on. Shippo is a KITSUNE(fox-demon) and like the TANOOKI(raccoon dog), they are also shape-shifters, but the kitsune are more manipulative. When Shippo joins the adventuring party, he appears as a poor orphaned child, but as it goes on, he reveals a more sophisticated and cynical side. His wise-cracking remarks show a bizarrely keen understanding of social situations, but he will also get out of sticky situations by being cute and pretending not to understand, while knowing full well that he’s betraying Miroku by doing this. He knows what “crocodile tears” are, probably because its what he does himself. (in case you don’t know, it’s to do with manipulating through fake tears, because it’s really the nasty crocodile who’se behind it.)

He even once tried to enroll in a shape-shifting college. You have to be either a Kitsune or a Tanooki to enroll, but college? Already? It could also be that Shippo is an even bigger pervert than Miroku. The persona of a cute little kid suits him because Kagome will hold him close to her breasts and he’s allowed join the women in hot-spring skinny dipping! The only reason he hasn’t gone around all the women asking “will you bear my children?” like Miroku could be because that might give it away that he’s not a child. He's also seen Miroku reaching for Sango's butt and how she whacks him every time, to which he remarks, "Does he ever learn?" If Shippo really is a child, then they shouldn’t be involving him in the business which is also the plot of the series, but he also seems to be oddly capable of consenting!

He is also capable of getting Inuyasha accused of hitting a child. I am aware that portrayals of children being disciplined with blows to the head are not too uncommon in manga and anime, (I just don't know whether this is real in Japan.) but in this example, it could still be friendly nudgying and there is absolutely nothing else Inuyasha has done to him.(well, except in one episode where a lust-demon actually turned Inuyasha gay and made him begin to molest Shippo, but once the spell was broken, it never happened again and Shippo's reaction was more like that of a "horny" adult who just wanted something else rather than this. He never really acts the way a genuinely traumatised child would.) In fact Inuyasha has often rescued children, while his demonic powers, martial arts prowess, clawed hands and magical sword make him capable of doing much greater harm, but he saves those for the real battles against much mightier foes who don’t apppear to be children. Wasn’t it Inuyasha who once said “How dare you involve Kagome and Shippo in this?” to an enemy in battle? I still think how Super Mario has beaten up Bowser Jr. is much more cruel. The big red lump and eyes becoming spirals could also be Shippo’s shape-shifting. Even if Inuyasha is hitting him for real, it could be because he knows that’s not a child. If he is fooled by the disguise, then friendly nudgying could be what he usually does to children, but he has also protected Kagome while Kagome is carrying Shippo.

This still doesn’t stop Kagome from saying the magic word “sit” which makes the “beads of subjugation”(yes, that is actually what the irremovable collar of beads is called) light up and Inuyasha will fall flat on his face, wherever he is, up a tree or on a delicate bridge. Neither did it stop Shippo from slapping Inuyasha in the face and sneering at him. (here are some spoilers for other cartoons) This could be like the episode of Mortal kombat: Defenders of the realm, where they thought they were helping a child, but it was really the sorceror Quan Chi in disguise and the “token of gratitude” was really an evil item bearing a terrible curse. Or the time when Bugs Bunny was stupidly mistaken for the baby Mr. And Mrs ape ordered from stork deliveries but had fun being able to walk all over Mr. Ape, because he can always go crying to Mommy. (end spoilers)

No.4 of my own top eight fan theories. Super Mario was once an extremely bad gangster, but his womanising ways actually led to him becoming a better man, who will only revert when an old rival appears.

Despite the contraversy over video game violence, its often overlooked that Super Mario is actually quite violent and even some subtle sexual innuendo can also be found. Except, that is, by a few angry youtubers who have ranted about Mario being evil, but this is not a rant. It’s possible Mario could be from an Italian mafia background and there is evidence of him having been a womaniser, but I believe things are not all black and white here. The rivalry between Mario and Bowser is an intense one, but there is fault on both sides. Mario has killed Bowser in a particularly gruesome way: stamping on a floor-button which opens up the floor underneath him, sending him down to a pit of lava. The ways he has defeated Bowser jr. Also means he has hit a child, as well as having killed this Childs father, before Bowser jr. Eventually resurrected him by throwing all his bones into a magic cauldron.

On the other hand, Bowser has also been involving Bowser jr. In his dispute with Mario, which puts Bowser jr. In danger, because Mario is someone who might hit a child. Bowser has also attacked the castle and kidnapped princess Peach. Now, let’s have a look at Mario’s dating history. Pauline is the first girlfriend who can be traced back to and she does sort of look like a “bimbo” for the “bad boy” to drive dangerously around with in a fancy sports car while shouting insults and disrespecting everyone. This might have been when Mario was a cruel ringmaster in an Italian Mafia-run circus. Eventually a certain ape became so enraged by cruel treatment that he kidnapped Pauline and started throwing barrels around. Mario then lived out his sexual fantasies by coming to save the “hoe” from this “foul ape”, because she really needs a strong man who, by using violence, can become the greatest threat to anyone threatening her.

Anyway, they then split up because a relationship which is all sex and no feelings doesn’t tend to last very long, but change is gradual. This lesson didn’t immediately change him into a gentleman, but it was the beginning of a turning point, because he was a womaniser who always wondered what the way to attract a woman is. In the game “Super-Mario-land” which is on the old game-boy colour, Mario goes off to rescue Princess Daisy. At many points during the game, he thinks He’s found her and say’s “Oh, Daisy!”, as if in love with her, but she turns out to be a monster in disguise and scary music plays. Eventually, he finds the real Princess Daisy and says “Oh, Daisy! Daisy!”. They then go up in a rocket-ship and we see the credits roll as it moves through the clouds, but we don’t see what happens IN the rocket. It could be that he pressured her for sex, but she became the first girl in his love life to ever say “no”, or tell him that’s inappropriate, setting boundaries Pauline didn’t.

Luigi then got extremely lucky and hit it off with Princess Daisy. They lived happily ever after and there is even a track in Mario-kart dedicated to them. The thing is, Luigi wasn’t a “bad boy”. And so, the womaniser who always wondered how to attract a woman slowly figured out the real secret which is a bit like this: not every girl is going to behave like a whore to fulfill a guy’s fantasies. Some do, but those girls aren’t ready for a mature relationship, so they’re not the ones to go for. All sex and no feelings doesn’t work in the long run, because if you haven’t focused on the feelings, then you haven’t dealt with the underlying problems. Also, those belonging to the fairer sex may be repulsed by things of a sexually explicit nature. The trick is to find a woman who is ready for a mature relationship, hold off on sex for the time being, (she MIGHT eventually agree to sex, but on her own terms, when SHE is in the mood.) and focus on what those belonging to the fairer sex will find beautiful, by showing you’re a man with a sensitive side. After figuring this out, Mario found Princess Peach and tried to show her how much he cares about protecting the mushroom kingdom, but she was kidnapped by the one who also happens to be an old rival.

The kind of rivalry Mario and Bowser have looks a lot like a gangland rivalry. Is Bowser really the king of a country or more of a gangland king? (yes, I know he has a crown, cape, sceptre and castle, but they could be property of a very rich and powerful gang.) Kidnapping a princess could be part of gangland politics and this rivalry may have already developed over such a long time, with grudge already so deep, even having figured out that being a gentleman is the way to attract a woman is not quite enough. Wario and Waluigi also appear to be gangsters, so the whole thing could be a gangster story. A gangster story can also be about a pair of twins.

No.3 of my own top eight fan theories. Hagrid is an alcoholic.

It has now been confirmed that dumbledore is indeed gay, but for this one were going to have to go into some of the big questions about the effects of alcohol and exactly why its dangerous. What kinds of things can alcohol impair judgement of? Hygiene and cleanliness? Safety and risk management? Personal appearance and self-presentation? What one should or shouldn’t say in conversation? What difference does it make exactly HOW drunk you are or how many drinks you’ve had? If a proffessor or an expert on a certain subject is drunk, how much of what they usually know can they correctly remember? If it’s the subject of something dangerous, is that why drinking is dangerous?

Australia has lots of dangerous animals which Australians often know the most important facts about and I think you’d want to keep your wits about you if a venomous snake is approaching. What if the drinker does remember information but they forget it is top-secret classified information and can chattiness also be a symptom of drunkenness? Or weepiness? Or talking in a slurred voice? The wizard world also has lots of dangerous creatures including, but not limited to, venomous giant snakes which can also turn you to stone, giant man-eating spiders and fire-breathing dragons. Even a dainty unicorn could stab with its horn, but unicorns aren't normally aggressive. Harry was also lucky not to get his hands singed by Dumbledores pet pheonix. It is Hagrid who is the monster expert.

He does seem capable of remembering the most important facts about them, training them well and keeping under control. From Hagrid we get such gems of wisdom as “the trick with any beast is to know how to calm it” (also sounds like good advice with toddlers to me), “never insult a hippogriff, it may just be the last thing you’ll ever do” and “that monster book of monsters, just stroke it gently along the spine”. He also seems capable of nursing owls back to health and many other jobs around the area of hogwarts. He can be trusted with a cross-bow and knows that knockturn alley is dodgy.

On the other hand, he sometimes forgets how to do spells or his spells go awry, like the time he turned Dudley into a half-boy-half-pig, he has accidentally stabbed Proffessor Flitwick on the hand with a fork, he tried to raise a fire-breathing dragon in a wooden house, (he also got its gender wrong.) he’s been nagged by Hermione over unhygienic habits and what was he thinking, introducing a pack of wild hippogryffs to students? In fact it was Hagrid who got the forest next to the school infested with giant man-eating spiders. On more than one occasion, he told Harry, Ron and Hermione about the goings-on of hogwarts before saying “shouldn’ta told yer thah!” and one of the things they found out was how Hagrid got a three-headed dog which is tiny as a puppy but grows up to be gigantic from the pub. This is the same place he always gets a new baby monster to raise and it must be from dodgy dealers. Ron also remarks that someone got him drunk to get something from him. Brandy has also been found in his house, which he says is for medicinal purposes (which it could be, but it could also be just an excuse for drinking.) His messy hair, shaggy beard and the same drab mole-skin overcoats also show that he has no idea how he would look in front of guests.

Its possible that an alcoholic may still have some of their wits about them, while subtle clues that they’ve been drinking are also present. It may be that Hagrid has only had one Butter-beer or he has only had two fire-whiskeys. If he was EVEN MORE drunk, he would be totally incapable of anything except causing accidents and would have to be kicked out of hogwarts because of the danger he poses. He has also had two major weeping moments, one was when the baby dragon was taken out of his custody, (it could be because of his drinking problem that he’s unfit to raise it and it will now be raised by professionals) and the other was about Buckbeak, before Harry and Hermione went back in time to save Buckbeak.

Number two of my own top eight fan theories. Mr. krabs is the mentor bikini bottom needed, but he has also been corrupted, leading to its post-war society falling apart.

Spongebob Squarepants is another cartoon I grew up with which I am now looking at differently. There are a few things about it I had been analysing separetely until I finally managed to come up a theory that fits them all together, with Mr. Krabs in the centre. He is known for his greed, selfishness and love of money, but has also sometimes shown a sweeter, more sentimental side. However, he has also sometimes been seen in meetings with some very corporate-looking fishie's, who appear to be offering enormous bribes. Its obvious that his daughter, Pearl, is adopted, (at least this explains how a whale can be a crab’s daughter, but I still can’t explain how there can be an underwater beach with underwater water.) but what if Mr. Krabs is a veteran of a previous war and had found her in a war-zone without any family?

She is known for getting very excited and jumping up and down, causing everyone and everything to jump up and down with her, but they are exactly the kinds of things I imagine someone who grew up in a war-zone be excited about! Her taste in decor and interior design is also very hippie-ish, with bright colours and flower designs, and teddy bears can also represent “peace’n’luuuvv!”. Back when Mr. krabs was sergeant krabs, he may have been so depressed by the awfulness of war that he went out to get himself killed but postponed his suicide when he heard a little girl crying and investigated. The joy of having a child of his own in spite of having never married may have cured his depression and raising her gave him reason to go on living. He also may have started a modest burger business as a means of supporting his daughter, but unfortunately became a target for much bigger companies to corrupt.

Meanwhile, Squidward appears to be a traumatised war-veteran who Spongebob and Patrick are always triggering, especially in that episode with the cardboard box. Squidward has peaceful hobbies which don’t remind him of war, while Spongebob and Patrick’s hobby of jelly-fishing is all about strategically ambushing your prey in the fields, which means first having located them and tracked their movements. Sometimes they march with the upper ends of their nets resting on their shoulders and sometimes they even run around wildly with their nets held sideways above their heads going “woo-la-la-la, woo-la,la,la!”. Spongebob also has a laugh which is like a machine gun. I’m not sure if Patrick is really responsible, since he clearly has a severe intellectual disability. Its Spongebob who’se the bad influence, but it’s not all black and white.

He’s also been the best friend of someone with a severe intellectual disability who has taught him the art of burger-flipping, a skill which helps him get a stable job in the burger-business. Since they live close by each other, its also possible that Spongebob had rented out a home near his own home for Patrick, so that Patrick can be almost, if not completely, independent, but why hasn't Mr. Krabs praised him for this, or had a talk with him about traumatised war veterans? Why hasn't he told Squidward his moving story about having once been a depressed and suicidal soldier and then finding new joy by adopting a baby whale who had no family? Isn’t he in just the right position, being the manager in the place where Squidward, Spongebob and Patrick all work? I think even the way Spongebob eventually drove Mrs. Puff insane could have been prevented with better mentoring and Mr. Krabs might be able to explain about traumatised war veterans in a way that Patrick will understand. Honestly, I could go on forever about the chaos and mob madness in Bikini bottom, so I think I’ll finish up with just a few more notes.

Number one of my own top eight fan theories. The granny in looney tunes is an eco-warrior who has been raising orphaned baby animals for release but Tweety chose to stay as her assistant in conservation.(may contain spoilers)

This un-numbered Scooby-doo crossover comic contains six exciting stories, the first of which involves time travel and switches frequently between past and present. They are travelling back in time to investigate a gap in Batmans memory and to find the authentic version of a pair of gloves which have been replaced with a fake pair on one of Batmans suits. In the past, an Alfred who doesn't recognise them chauffers them to an abandoned warehouse belonging to wayne enterprises. In the present, they restore plans to the building and then enter the bat-marine. In the past, they think they’ve discovered a zombie inside the warehouse. In the present they’ve come out of the bat-marine in their diving-suits and are attempting to dig through an underwater wall. Ripples in the water tell them it’s time to move and and explosion from above clears the wall for them, allowing them to enter the building, where they meet robin, who had found some spare explosives. In the past, batman sees them as the “zombie” chases them out of the building. Belma works out that it was really a henchman working for professor stryker and batman then starts talking to them when they’ve arrived at the professor’s house. At first, they are fighting over the special purple gloves bat-man has, but then Alfred steps in. After all the explanations, the gloves are kept in a special time-box. (like a time capsule, but smaller.) In the present, they discover that “the juice was fine” is the phrase to undo Batman's self-hypnosis where he removed part of his own memory and find the box with the real gloves. Although they all have lots of plot twists and elaborate double-crossing, this was the one I found most confusing and didn't really make any sense. The ending just made me wonder what was the point of all that in the first place?

The next adventure begins in the jokers house of fun, where they have just defaeted the joker and they are taken to the bat-cave. The location is so top-secret that they have to be blind-folded and let robin drive their own mystery machine. When they reach the bat-cave, it appears to be haunted, but they soon work out that its all holograms and batman discovers a holo-projector inside the trophy of the joker. Since the trophy is being taken inside the batcave, its the only way they could’ve accessed such a top-secret location. Soon the joke is on the joker and his whole gang of clowns when they move the trophy into a different cave and fill it with traps. They then keep the trophy after removing the tracking device. This one was the funniest, not just because it had clowns, but because of how those bozos were outsmarted.

The next one begins with a battle at the airport with “the baggage bandit”, who steals luggage. After defeating him, scooby and the bat-hound give autographs to all the dogs at the airport, which are in the form of inked paw-prints. They then recieve a bat-signal which takes them to an aquarium, where they find a pamphlet with two seahorses. Their trail then leads them to the coin museum, where they discover that the baggage bandit has a twin who steals coins. Batman now believes the real culprit is two-face and all this was just buying time. They then visit the dog-show, where bat-man tells them the manipulating lawyer who convinced the authorities to release both twins must really have been two-face in disguise. Scooby and ace are competing in the dog show where they become another example of two-faces obsession with pairs, while belma catches another crook who batman also believes is one of two-faces goons whose job is to buy some time. Scooby and bat-dog outsmart two-face by pretending to be each other. The judge picks up scooby, who is wearing bat-dogs cape and Scooby takes off the mask, revealing two-face, who is promptly arrested. This one took “double-crossing”, to a whole new level and it was actually pretty cool, but the funniest part was at the start with the “baggage bandit”, because he was such a ridiculous villain.

The next adventure begins at a sweet-shop, where they’ve just un-masked two “monsters”, who were trying to rob the sweet-shop. They then discover more “monsters” outside, but then nightwing and bat-girl show up, saying batman and the current robin (nightwing used to be a former robin.) are busy. This town is getting ready for the big carnival, but mythological monsters are coming alive! Or they appear to be mythological monsters coming alive, but they go “clang” when hit and are as hard as steel, so they are really robots. They manage to swipe the remotes from some of batmans enemies and turn their own monsters against them. They then un-mask them, but one turns out to have a genuinely warped face (it looks like a black skull) and the other unmasks himself and turns out to be batman. The idea of mythical creatures appearing to come alive was very creative and I also liked seeing an appearance of Nightwing as well as Bat-girl.

In the next story, they learn that batman has teamed up with the daughter of Raz’al’gul, who is also an enemy of batman and they travel in a private jet. They arrive at a carnival and make their way into the Egyptian desert where there is a secret lair. Inside, they find themselves under attack by a berserk mummy for a while, but after the mummy disappears, batman examines a torn-off piece of mummy wrapping sees that its fake. They venture even further underground and batman discovers Bane, but he disappears immediately when Batman throws a batarang. After examining the substance which the batarang has landed in, they discover it is not the same substance Bane uses to make himself super-strong, so, for whatever reason, someone has disguised themselves as Bane. They then leave the secret base and track down where the Bane imposter is holding his hostage: Raz al ghul! He interrogates about something called the “lazarus pit”, but Raz al ghul insists it doesnt exist. The bane imposter is then attacked by Batman while the others surround him and Belma swings a rope around his legs. When he is grabbed and unmasked, he turns out to be a wrestling star called “the mad Mummy”. The mummy they encountered earlier had also fought like a wrestler in show-business and used a chair as a weapon. Just before the Bane imposter was un-masked, he proved a worthy opponent even for an experienced vigilante like batman by fighting like a professional wrestler, but with the scooby gang on Batman's side, he was outnumbered and brought to justice. It was interesting to see the daughter of Raz Al Ghul defying her father, as well as batman rescuing his own enemy and a professional wrestler from show-business having become a criminal.

In the last but not least part of this comic, a flashback reveals why Bruce wayne in his earlier years had difficulty becoming a crime-fighter: the same Scooby gang were already selected as apprentices by the worlds greatest detective! This was when Bruce who would later become the Bat-man was presumably a teenager and the Scooby gang were little kids, so the final part of the collection is an episode of “a pup named Scooby-doo”, which I also remember seeing on TV when I was younger and it was even more cartoonish than the original cartoon which it is a spin-off/prequel to. They didn't know it was Bruce Wayne at the time since he was wearing an eye-mask, but to his disappointment, the worlds greatest detective agreed to let him babysit while the wee ones solve the mystery. Their investigation begins at an art museum, where a painting was stolen and a massive hole in the wall left behind revealing a set of giant footprints, which leads to the “monster man” who is still in the act of loading the painting into a van. The crook gets away because Daphne's butler got in the way of Bruce and the worlds greatest detective. All three were trying to stop the thief but, ironically, they tripped over each others feet. Luckily the worlds greatest detective found a clue: a piece of torn clothing reads “Gambi custom-made clothing, we sew what we say, see?”. They arrive at that shop and discover that it also tailors disguises and then Harris the tailor brings them to the secret hideout, where the “monster man” is a goon for auction. They reveal themselves, but the detective has brought backup and the whole gang of crooks are tricked into running right where the police are and the “monster man” turns out to have been dressed up as a giant with stilts and giant shoes, explaining why the footprints were deeper at the back of the foot, since thats where most of the pressure is. It was a ruse to sell the monster formula that is not yet perfected, but the proffesor promises it will be soon. The flashback ends with the seller and the goon being brought to justice and the book ends with their reflections of the past. Being even more cartoonish than the original cartoon always makes an episode of “a pup named scooby-doo” funny, especially in this one where Belma produces a magnifying glass bigger than herself to examine a footprint and there are generic goons with balaclavas, neanderthalic features and sweaters saying “thug#1” or “thug#2”.

              Bad Panda Mom

This is fan-fiction. I do not own Zootropolis. All rights go to Disney and Pixar. This fan-fiction was based on real facts about pandas and may contain spoilers for the movie.

“This is wrong!”, said Officer Judy Hopps, looking at the street vendor, where so many tabloids and gossip magazines all showed the same large, rotund, middle-aged panda in bright pink flowery clothing. Apparently, she was the worst mother in all of Zootropolis, but Judy didn’t think this was possible. Then again, if she hadn’t known better, she wouldn’t have thought it was possible for the media to be this unbearably harsh. It was bamboozling to her. “I’m not so squeaky clean myself, but having two cubs, only loving one and abandoning the other, that is very outrageous.” Said Nick Wilde, who was just flicking through his smartphone. “you’re a parent too, aren’t you?”, asked Judy. “I thought you had figured out by now,” answered Nick, “He’s not really a cub, He’s an adult of a different fox breed much smaller than me who pretended to be my baby as part of a con, which you fell for, because you were a rookie cop.” “It’s not like she was a cannibal trying to eat her own cub,” stated Judy,” it’s obvious she was just carrying him in her mouth, so we’ve both fallen for a con.” “Maybe I should have been more careful,” Nick admitted, “you can’t always believe what you read in the papers, but I know about con’s and this is technically more of a hyperbole than a con.”

At the station, Judy wondered if it was the same Panda that she was now seeing as an equally large  panda in the same pink flowery clothing entered the building, followed by cameras and wiping her eyes with a tissue. This was confirmed by the thunderous voice of Chief Bogo. “Mrs. Panderson, you are here for questioning in relation to your cubs!”, he boomed. Officer Judy, Chief Bogo and Mrs. Panderson withdrew to another room and began the questioning. Chief Bogo’s imposing demeanour and quick temper made him perfect for the role of “bad cop”, while Officer Judies soft heart and sympathy towards mothers made her more suited to being “good cop”. “You may introduce yourself”, permitted officer Judy. “Hi, I’m Pamela Panderson, I am a mother of two, they are twins, but unfortunately have not been able to maintain custody of both cubs.” Answered Mrs. Panderson, still sniffling and wiping her eyes. Chief Bogo raised an eyebrow. “Oh, really”, he said, skeptically, “Why ever not?”. “I’m sure there’s a good reason.” Said Officer Judy.” Mrs. Panderson raised a paw and gestured towards her chest. “Well, I was able to get it going in here but…” “Argh, you’re on a tangent about breastfeeding!” interrupted Chief Bogo, “get to the point!” “No that’s okay,” said Officer Judy, “It’s a natural thing that all moms do or have done at some point, go on…”. Mrs. Panderson was already sniffling, but now she was really crying. “It was only enough for one cub! Their names are Fuzzy and Wuzzy, so I had to choose between Fuzzy and Wuzzy and have the other taken into care.”

“You had the choice no mother wants to have!”, exclaimed Judy. “Yes, but doesn’t Fuzzy have the right to know he has a twin brother called Wuzzy who was separated at birth?” asked Chief Bogo, “and are you aware that Fuzzy is obese?” “Panda cubs are supposed to be getting fatter and fatter,” said Judy, “I’d be worried if a panda cub wasn’t becoming a roly-poly blob of dough.” “Did you burn him alive by pouring barbecue sauce all over his body and lick it all off him?” asked Chief Bogo. “Why in blazes would I do that?”, exclaimed Mrs. Panderson, “then I’d burn my tongue!” “But did you lick him?”, he went on. “Well, that’s our culture,” answered Mrs. Panderson, “licking is a form of affection, it’s pretty much our equivalent of kissing and we panda moms lick our cubs all the time, but especially potty time, when we lick their tummies.” “So, you weren’t trying to eat him?” he asked. “what? No, of course not!”, Mrs Panderson spluttered. “Did you bite his ear off?” Chief bogo asked next. “That’s ridiculous! Ear-nibbling is also a form of affection among pandas and it’s a gentle bite”, she answered. “You’ve been accused of so many ridiculous things, they can’t all be true!”, stated Judy. “But we have found out one that is true,” replied Chief Bogo, “I would like to ask one more thing, did you sit on top of Fuzzy and crush him?”. “Well, yes and no”, answered Mrs. Panderson, “Thats another thing we Panda moms do, but it’s just a way of keeping them safe and we’re very careful not to crush them. I suppose it might seem strange to those outside of our culture, but in the panda communities its normal for mothers to squat down with their bum over their cub. It also signals to those nearby to watch out for those little cubs and please be gentle.” “Does that mean it was just a load of exaggerated nonsense all along?” asked Chief Bogo. “I think you’re a wonderful mum!” said Judy. “Thank you, but it’s very clear that Mrs. Tigerson does not agree.”, answered Mrs. Panderson.

“Who is this Mrs. Tigerson?” asked Judy. “I think it’s time to wrap it up”, said Chief Bogo, “We’ve found out what we needed.” “Well, she’s another mom, but she’s not a panda mom like me, she’s a tiger mom and I tend to avoid her.” Chief Bogo stood up. “You’re free to go.”, he said loudly and clearly. “Wait, I want to hear the rest of this!”, enthused Judy. “I Don’t bring fuzzy to the same pre-school where she’s around,” Mrs. Panderson went on, “or the same creche, or the same playground, okay, I think you get the picture now.” “I get that picture, but tell me more about why you avoid this other Mom?”, asked Judy. “I think the two of you can discuss this on your own time,” said Chief Bogo, “Its time for her to come back out of the station and you will probably be seeing her on parole.” Mrs. Panderson left the way she came, followed by cameras, journalists and officer Judy. She was still sniffling, but this time she was also thanking officer Judy in front of the press. The media had been incredibly harsh, but one particular Bunny had cut her some slack.

It was mostly Nick who she was seeing and talking to on parole and they were still arguing about whether Mrs. Panderson was really a “bad mom”. “When you put a cub into care, you make sure it’s the right place.” argued Nick. “let’s look at this logically for a moment.” began Judy, “She probably would have been very careful about where this cub ended up, you can’t just ASSUME!” “I am looking at it logically!” answered Nick, ”bottle-feeding is an option.” “Yes, but you see, it’s not a complete formula.” Explained Judy, “what do you know about babies anyway? He wasn’t really a cub, he was an adult of another fox breed smaller than you pretending to be your baby.” “So, you admit it, you were just a rookie cop!” snapped nick. “Yes, it was a rookie mistake and you can call me a dumb bunny, but do you have any experience with actual cubs?” “Alright, I don’t know much about cubs”, nick admitted, “but was that the only reason she had to choose between two cubs?” “There could have been more, but chief Bogo cut it short.” complained Judy. “I don’t think he was really all that interested in the whole mother’s story. He didn’t even want to hear about breast-feeding.” “Well, all that sounds dumb to me too.”, said Nick. “Goodness, That Mrs. Panderson really is a disgrace!”, butted in a rather intimidating mother tiger who was holding onto her cub’s paw.

“Are you Mrs. Tigerson?” asked Officer Judy. “Yes, I am Tiffany Tigerson and this is my daughter Tia, who I am raising properly!” roared Mrs. Tigerson, “I haven’t had the police involved!” Judies heart melted when she saw into Tia the tiger Cubs large, round eyes and Tia the tiger cub looked into hers. ”Hellooo!! I’m officer Judy!”, she said as she began slightly bending over before the little cub, with her paws on her hips and her legs arched outwards. “Er… Hewwo officer Judy!” Tia the tiger cub answered politely. “she’s just adorable, have you any other cubs?” asked Judy, “Er, no, just the one.” Answered Mrs. Tigerson. “Then how can you judge a mother of two?” Judy continued. Mrs. Tigerson became speechless. “Ha! You can’t answer, can you?”, Judy smirked. “That’s some solid policing right there.” Nick muttered with a slight hint of sarcasm. Finally, Mrs Tigerson was able to answer, but she was still coughing and spluttering. “Is it wrong for me to judge other mothers?”, she asked, “but when you’re a parent, you have to get your affairs in order, her life is a mess!” “Isn’t everyone’s life a mess?”, asked Judy, this time roaring back with passion, “If you don’t share another moms load, then you’re only contributing to the same problems you’re complaining about!” “Wow, where is all this fire from!?” gasped Nick, “You sure are sharing a mothers load, but you’re not actually a mother!” “I…I don’t know,” answered Judy, “something just took a-hold of me!”

“I… I never thought about it like that before at all!!”, Mrs Tigerson choked, “My whole life I’ve been roaring at everyone, It’s the first time anyone had the guts to roar back at me and it’s changed my entire universe! As for that Mrs Panderson, how will I ever make it up to her after having been treating her like this for so long?! Come to think of it, I don’t see her that often anymore, is she… avoiding me?” “I don’t weally see Fuzzy panda or her mommy anymore.”, added Tia the tiger cub. “I’m sorry Tia, you should have a playmate like fuzzy panda,” Said Mrs. Tigerson, “but you haven’t, because I drove a wedge between his mother and me, pushing us further away from each other.” Now it was Nicks turn to become speechless. He had no idea what to make of what he had just witnessed. After the tigers left, with officer Judy and Tia the tiger cub politely waving goodbye, Judy then said to Nick, “I’d like to meet Mr. Panderson, I wonder if he’s a family man? You know all the ladies love that kind of man! They go crazy over the domestic types who are fully committed to being the best husband and father!” “That’s not their culture, Judy.” Sighed Nick. “What do you mean, that’s not their culture?”, asked Judy. “Let’s get real here.” Snorted Nick, “A male bunny doing all that domestic stuff? Yeah, I could Imagine that, but a male panda, pull the other one!”

The next day, they did get the chance to meet Mr. Panderson at the tram-stop. A very sleepy-looking panda in work-clothes got off the tram saying, “What a day at work, I’m exhausted and a little peckish, I really want to munch on some bamboo and then take a nap.” “Excuse me, you’re not under arrest,” Judy addressed him,” But there’s been a case of a mother panda who had one of her two cubs taken into care, are you by any chance the father?”, “Er.. I think so.” Yawned the sleepy panda. “What do you mean you think so?!”, Screeched Judy. “Are you Mr. Panderson?”, she asked. “Yup, I’ve got my work-badge here, Peter Panderson.”, He yawned. “See, I told you!”, said Nick. “Even though it would make the girls go wild?”, asked Judy. “What are you talking about?” asked Mr. Panderson. “Well, you are a girl, so I won’t argue with you there.”, Nick backed out. “But what is this about making the girls go wild?”, asked Mr. Panderson. “Oh, you know, being involved in the childcare and stuff like that.” Judy answered. “You mean women just love being in childcare so much?” asked Mr. Panderson, “Are they really that crazy?”. “Nooo… they GO crazy over a MAN being involved in the childcare!” Judy explained. “You mean that’s the kind of man that’s irresistible.”, said Mr. Panderson. “Yes!”, answered Judy. “Uh-oh, that’s not very good news for me!”, said Mr. Panderson. “This is the good news, you just heard it too late, but better late than never.”, Said Judy. “I sure hope that’s not what they want from a man, that’s really scary!”, panicked Mr. Panderson.

When Judy saw Mrs Panderson at the station again, not only were Fuzzy and Wuzzy there, meeting each other for the first time, but chief Bogo also announced another visitor who was there to see her. It was Mrs Tigerson, who had also brought her daughter. Judy couldn’t help crying when, in front of all the reporters and all the cameras, the two mothers hugged one another. “I disrespected you and I’m sorry.” Whispered Mrs Tigerson. “I had much more favourable circumstances to be a mom in and I didn’t think about it being a lot harder for other mothers, but now I see that the cubs should be allowed to have playdates with each other and for that to happen both their moms need to be together as friends.” “If we are going to arrange a playdate, that would make it up to me.”, answered Mrs. Panderson. “I forgive you.” “I, too, feel that I owe you an apology.” said Chief Bogo, “I think its these adorable baby pandas that are bringing out the worst in us and I allowed my emotions to interfere with my judgement, which isn’t very professional for a chief of police.” “what’s wrong with police being emotional?”, asked Judy, who was still honking into a pink, lacy handkerchief. “Well, I mean when it’s getting in the way of logic and reason.”, explained chief Bogo. “Hey, you should have been there when I managed to convince Mrs. Tigerson to make up with Mrs. Panderson!”, laughed Judy, “It’s strange, I don’t have children of my own, but there was a new fire in me unlike anything I had ever felt before, yet I still think I was able to see rationally at the same time. If I may say so myself, I must have been able to come up some good arguments to get her convinced like this.” “Well, even when you get to be police chief you’re still learning and from now on I will try harder to look at things in a more objective and detached way.”, answered Chief Bogo. “Things aren’t all so black and white, there are fuzzy areas.”

this is fan-fiction. I do not own Futurama. All rights belong to Matt Groening and the fox network.

It was a usual day at the planet express delivery headquarters when there was a buzz at the electronic door and the professor answered it. It was a fem-bot who was accompanied by a little bot-child in a pink tutu. Leela and Amy thought the little bot-child was adorable, but Bender seemed nervous. “hi, I’m Grace”, introduced the fem-bot, “and this is my five-year-old daughter, Petunia.” “oh, what a beautiful name!” gasped Leela. “I’m looking for someone named Bender”, the fem-bot went on, “ I believe he is the father.” “Er... Bender’s not here.”, answered Bender, as he began slowly walking backwards out of the room, until he had walked backwards into Fry’s outstretched hand. “That’s you, Bender!”, said Fry. “well, she really likes ballet dancing,” she continued, “but she’s expected to develop more slowly than other kids.” “does she have special needs?”, asked Fry. “Fry, I’ll cut you some slack since you’re from the year 2000,” corrected Leela, “but we don’t say that anymore, its no longer politically correct.” “Then what can you say?” asked Fry. “The proper term is differently neuro-developmentally or cognitively associated.” Answered Leela. “but that’s too long and hard to say,” complained Fry,” besides, what is there to stop any smaller parts of that from becoming the next playground jeer?”. Bender thought it would be funny to stick out his leg while the little bot-child was showing off her ballet dancing skills and trip her up onto the floor. The others didn’t think this was funny and she was now crying after falling face-first onto the floor. “I’m very disappointed in you, its your own flesh and blood.” Said Leela, her massive single eye glaring with disgust. “I don’t have flesh and blood.”, corrected Bender. “ Well, that was an awful thing to do your own circuit-boards and wiring.”

Ever since then, Bender was having a recent falling out with Fry and things got ugly when they were cleaning the star-ship. “You used to be cool, now you’re giving me the silent treatment!”, roared Bender. “All you think about is yourself!” yelled Fry, as he sprayed bender with the hose. “No, don’t, I’ll rust!” screamed Bender. “I hope so!” hissed Fry." and I hope you get bent!" “gentlemen, please!” snapped the professor, “this isn’t good for morale!”. “but its fun!” said Dr. Zoidberg, “Bender said you're so ugly your face makes babies cry and Fry said your mother was a floppy disc drive!” “professor, I suggest you let me talk to bender about Fry”, proposed Leela. “anything to shut them up!” agreed the professor. Leela brought Bender into another room to have a very private discussion. “Do you consider Fry your friend?”, she asked him. “That’s the point, its Fry and Bender, best friends and he had to ruin it.” Answered Bender. “friendships are important, they’re also about feelings.”, said Leela. “you know I’m not good with that stuff.”, said Bender. “you’re not perfect, but you can learn.”, said Leela. “but I swear I did nothing to hurt him.”, said Bender. “If its not what you did to him, perhaps its something he saw you do to someone else.”, suggested Leela, “can you please rack you’re brains...” “I don’t have brains.”, interrupted Bender. “whatever, rack you’re motherboard and think back to everything that happened recently.”, urged Leela. “don’t tell me its because he thinks I’m a bad father, that doesn’t excuse it!”. “It doesn’t, but sometimes things like that do mean there’s something you need to see,” said Leela.

After that talk, Bender started doing all kinds of father-daughter things with Petunia. He played with her dolls, attended her pretend tea-party and even wore a pink tutu while Ballet dancing with her. “oh, I don’t like this new side of me.”, moaned Bender. “why not?”, asked Leela, “this new side of you is very sweet!”. “I’m not sweet, I’m Bender and I don’t give a damn about anything!” “You’re doing the right thing!”, praised Leela, “If you wait any longer before spending quality time with your five-year-old daughter, how much older is she going to get?”. “Good news everyone!”, announced the professor. “oh no!”, the planet express delivery crew all groaned in unison. They had all learned by now that whenever the professor said “good news everyone!”, it was seldom anything good and now they were all wondering if this was a minor inconvenience or a cosmic-scale disaster that could threaten the fabric of space and time itself! “Its been decided that today is bring-your-daughter-to-space day and the next delivery will be delivering yarn to the cat-people on planet meow-meow!”, the professor went on, “the planet meow-meow is home to a race of cat-like humanoids known for their refinement, sophistication and love of rich, creamy, warm milk. It is also home to a race of dog-like humanoids who appear to be in a different evolutionary state, at least the cat-people think they are more civilised than the dog-people, anyway.” The planet express delivery crew all sighed with relief. The good news wasn’t so bad this time and Little petunia was excited about this. However, they were in for a shock when they entered the star-ship.

They were already in space when they discovered that a picture had been pinned up of Bender smoking a cigar in an oil-bath with lots of fem-bots and it didn’t take a genius to figure out who put it there. “look Fry, we all know about your recent falling-out with Bender.” Sighed Captain Leela, “I order you to take it down!”. “what’s the big deal, its just a photo?”, was Fry’s response. “As captain of this vessel, I object to crew members sharing intimate imagery of other crew members.”, she stated, ”now take it down.” It was actually Bender who took it down. “In hindsight, smoking a cigar in a tub full of oil was not such a smart idea.”, he reflected, before crumpling it up, opening the big door on his front and throwing it into the incinerator inside of him. He then used the dustpan and brush, cleaning the ashes from inside himself and dusted it into the bin. “I’m actually glad someone put it there,” he added, “it gave me a wake-up call that I didn’t know I needed until now!”. “really, it did?” considered Leela, “well I still don’t condone that.”

When they arrived on planet meow-meow, they found themselves honoured guests at a very luxurious banquet unlike anything on earth. They were asked to sit down on giant floor-cushions while being served goblets of the creamiest warm milk, dishes of fish and trays of cat-biscuits. Leela got into a heated debate with the cat-people about whether the dog-people are really “primitive”. “they do have a proper language,” argued Leela, “it just sounds like growling and barking to you because its intonations are so different from yours that your ears can’t pick them up! The same technological progress is just happening at a different rate, but even if their still making and using tools from stone, that still gives them a lot to talk about. There are so many kinds of rocks and they need to find ones that are exactly right, then make them into exactly the right shape. they’d be teaching each other these things and that means they have relationships that make a society, at least there’s the relationship of a teacher and learner anyway.”

Meanwhile, bender was being served nuts and bolts by a lovely fem-bot who winked at him and asked him to see her in private. She then led him into a bedroom and shut the door. “I’m Liz, what’s your name?” she asked him in a soft, seductive tone. “I’m Bender and I’m really just here to make a delivery.”, he answered. “oh Bender, I’m so lucky they asked you to come and make this delivery,” she whispered as she through her arms around him, “can’t you stay a while longer?”. “No, I’ve had enough one-night stands already.”, he objected. He turned the handle on the door, beginning to open it, but she closed it again. “oh please, stay with me!”, she begged him. “No, my whole life I’ve been taking on too much responsibility yet never wanting to be responsible for anything I’ve taken on!”, he answered. Suddenly, it was little Petunia who opened the door. “Daddy, Daddy, there you are!”, she cried. “okay, daddies sorry he disappeared and left you wondering where daddy was,” apologised Bender, “now how about a jockey-back ride?”. Bender dropped down, hoisted his daughter on his back and left, being very careful not to either drop her or bump her on the way out the door. “well, there goes the best dad I’ve ever seen!”, Sighed Liz as she watched the little bot-child riding away on Bender, like a little cow-girl riding away on her horse.

The rest of the crew were carrying the packages of yarn and were just beginning to wonder where bender was when he came in whooshing his daughter through the air and then putting her gently down. “Daddy has some packages to deliver now.” Said bender. “where were you?” asked Leela. “oh, a certain fem-bot led me into a bedroom.” Answered Bender. “but were making a delivery, there’s no time for that.” Said Leela. “well, I left her because I’ve already had so many one-night stands, I’m not having another one!”, he answered “that’s great, bender!”, praised Leela, “I knew there was good in you!”. “ Captain Leela, I was wrong to share that kind of picture.”, apologised Fry. “Its not me you should apologise to”, answered Leela. “Bender, I can’t really say this,” sighed Fry, “the kind of apology I’m trying to make is beyond words.” “Well, neither humans or androids are perfect.”, said Bender. “No, they’re both capable of getting sucked into cycles of robot-like behaviour.”, said Fry. “I was being so childish when I have a child!” admitted bender. “I was being so childish by deciding you’re a bad father and that justifies anything.” “As captain of the vessel, I command the two of you to shake hands and call it over.” Said Leela. They did so, much to Dr. Zoidberg’s disappointment. “aw, watching them fight was so much fun!”, he sighed, “Ah well, hopefully some other friends will have a falling-out and next time I will prepare some popcorn for the drama.”

The first story in this volume see’s the gang arriving at karma corners, (population: were all one!), a town built on hippie culture where this culture which is past its glory days elsewhere survives and thrives, or it did until it began to be haunted by the ghosts of the hippie’s parents who are getting to them with something worse than fear: guilt! My complaint about the last issues has been the absence of green lantern, but finally, in karma corners, mystery Inc. Are meeting green lantern!

In true Scooby-doo style, half of the ghosts are caught in a giant green hand from green lanterns laser ring and the rest are caught with a special arrow which, when fired, its head opens up and a net comes out, leaving them to be un-masked by the Scooby gang. It turns out the hippies were their parents, who ran off to this hippy town and never came back, so they pretended to be the ghosts of their parents parents and began nagging them to come back. But its not over yet.

The psycho-pirate has come to poison everyone’s hearts with hate and now a new argument has begun between green lantern and green arrow, but psycho-pirate made the mistake of announcing himself when two super-heroes are angry and their anger became directed at the villain. The spell was then broken by the black canary with her canary cry, after the psycho-pirate had just been taken down. This was a story with lots of fun plot twists right after each other, but the funniest part was the argument between  green lantern green arrow, where they called each other things like “ring-toting fascist” and “arrow-slinging socialist” and with Fred’s reaction “Its worse than a presidential debate!”.

The next story begins with the crew being attacked by fire-breathing dragons, while Fred and Daphne use extinguishers. Belma calls Hong-kong Phooey, a Kung-Fu fighting dog and while they are waiting, Daphne notices that while the other dragons are attacking, one dragon is rushing into stores. when Hong Kong phooey arrives, he is only performing Kung-Fu poses without actually touching  the dragons. When some dragons are smashed,(but not by Hong Kong phooey, he just thinks he smashed them.), they realise they are robots, so Daphne speed-reads the Kung-Fu manual and then smashes all the rest with only the one going into shops remaining.

Daphne then threatens to smash the dragon coming out of a store, but he shows he’s not a robot by un-masking himself! He confesses that he is a robotics scientist who couldn’t get funding, so he resorted to shop-lifting, but the mystery gang suggest he get funding from Hollywood by letting his robotics be used in film-making, because Hollywood will pay a fortune for this!

This was different from the usual Scooby-doo style and Hong Kong phooey does prove useful in the end when he accidentally knocks out the dragon coming out of the store. It was really thanks to his cat friend who tripped up a robot dragon which smashed on the floor while pretending to be asleep and pointed at the gong to make Scooby and shaggy think to hide behind it. though the latter turned out not to be such a great idea when a dragon struck the gong, he was still more the hero than Hong Kong phooey. He does this with ninja-like subtlety, without anyone knowing who the real hero is, while a possibly fake Kung Fu master takes all the credit.

The next story introduces us to a fortune-teller and a superstitious man who is terrified by the idea that he is cursed. They also meet the elastic man, who is capable of stretching his body in all kinds of ways but is vulnerable to cold temperatures, which make his body harden and become too rigid to move. They all enter the tarot shop on suspicion of her being a crook and they were correct In their suspicion, but had also made a big mistake!

It turns out the “fortune-teller” is an old enemy of the elastic man who has come to outsmart him by disguising herself as a fortune-teller and setting up shop in a former meat-plant, so what looks like a tarot shop is really a giant fridge! She is known as “the granite lady”! Fred gently pushes the freezing Elastic-man out of the giant fridge and they all run, with the granite lady following closely behind. They then trick her into following them to the back of a cement truck, where Daphne pulls the lever and she becomes cased in cement! The team are then rewarded with a free meal at an all-you-can-eat buffet, but of course its shaggy and Scooby who threaten to put it out of business!

This one had a very satisfying twist and also some funny bits, such as Daphne telling shaggy that its still not polite to comment on a woman’s weight, even if she is the granite lady, or the superstitious man panicking because of a bomb and elastic man assuring him, as he promptly throws it out the same window it came in through, that this is only because its Tuesday, not a sign of a curse. Annie the anarchist always plants a bomb in the FBI headquarters on Tuesdays.

The next story is set in the wild west, where there are rumour's about a monster, but the mayor doesn’t want a railway-building tycoon to hear the gossip, because he might not build a railway in this town. They then meet a bounty hunter with half his face disfigured but the other half normal who forces Fred to Duel him, but the duel is interrupted by all the local ladies in this town arguing over which of them he’s going to marry.

Suddenly, the town is under attack by a large blue, goblin-like creature in a poncho. All bullets are useless against it, frying pans and a bucket of cold water turn out to be more useful. when they manage to un-mask the “monster” (they also remove the poncho, which was hiding the steam-vent, but now the cold water has overloaded the system.) ,it turns to be a man in a steam-powered suit. The mayor recognised him as J.P Lackawanna but hadn’t suspected that J.P. Lackawanna would scare everyone away from the land in order to buy it cheap.

It was fun to see the Scooby gang in the wild west and all the local ladies wanting to marry the bounty hunter even though half his face was disfigured was pretty funny too. In the next story, they have just arrived after a call from officer Dibble, because of rumour's about “hoagies ghost”. They also meet top-cat and the whole gang of alley-cats. At first they encounter a few “ghost’s” who turn out to be alley cats. They then encounter two estate agents who aren’t technically breaking the law but are corrupt. They are then scared away by another “ghost”, who then reveals himself to be officer Dibble!

This was a great plot twist, because this time it was actually a good guy who was scaring away the crooks! Our last story begins with the mystery gang teaming up with “the challengers of the unknown” and a strange gnome-like creature. They go diving underwater, meet the “sea devils”, net a sea monster they were under attack by and enter a dry cave.

They then find themselves under attack by what appears to be a giant mutant super-rat, but the creature is scared away by the emergence of a mole-machine. Out of the mole machine comes another team who investigate mysteries underground. Next, they all together fly to a hidden base, where the challengers all unmask themselves and reveal that they are not the challengers, they are the secret six! The “gnome king” also reveals himself to be a villain called “multi-man”! they were planning to trick them into handing over the elixir, but made the mistake of revealing themselves too soon, before the elixir was handed over, so they were quickly outnumbered and defeated.

 A piece of Christmas/Hanukah-themed Simpsons fan-fiction by Oisin O’Reilly. I do not own the Simpsons. All rights go to Matt Groening and the Fox network. Contains mature content.

It was beginning to look a lot like Christmas at Springfield mall. There were lots of candy canes, toys in every store and the notorious crook named “Snake” was on his annual robbing spree, followed closely behind by Chief Wiggum and officer Lou. The mall at this time of year was full of all kinds of parents whose children had just finished their wish lists and Snake had a child of his own too. Meanwhile, old grandpa Simpson was wearing the special suit and sitting on the special chair of Santa Claus, with all the children queuing up to meet him. “let’s make this quick,” Said Nelson’s mother, “I have to get back to the stripper bar. That’s where I’m working.” Krusty the clown was just walking past this queue on his way to the bank machine when Nelson pointed at him and taunted, “Haw-haw, you don’t get to have Christmas!”. “Well, the jokes on you,” retorted Krusty,” you don’t get to have Hanukah! hoohoohoohahaha!”. 

It turned out that the children had rather violent ideas about what they wanted for Christmas. Ralph wanted a toy pistol so could be like his daddy, who was police chief. Nelson wanted a BB-gun so he could put coins on the ground and when people bend over to pick them up, he’d shoot them up the bum and say “haw-haw!”. Milhouse explained that he came alone unaccompanied because both his parent’s lost custody and what he really wanted for Christmas was for them to get back together so they can be a family again, but a remote- control assault helicopter with ultra-realistic firing sound effects would also be pretty cool. All this was bringing the aged veteran back to his army days and he began another of his long-winded stories about World War 2, which he never finished because he always fell asleep just when things were starting to get interesting. Now, all the children were looking into each other’s faces and wondering two things, what to do when Santa Claus has fallen asleep and did Santa Claus really fight Nazi’s?

 While he lay snoring, Snake ran behind him and got into the sleigh. “Haw, haw, so long suckers!”, Snake laughed smugly. These were real reindeer, not wooden props and as soon as they heard the whips crack, they leapt into action. Ralph and his mother also waved to daddy. “Hiya Ralphie”, said Chief Wiggum, “Well, dang, he got away, but we have caught another crook. You’re under arrest for impersonating Santa Claus! Take’em away, boys!”. The mall Santa had just woken up to find himself being strong-armed by the police. Seeing that his chances of escape were gone, he decided that if he couldn’t resist arrest, he could at least have a go at the police Chief’s mother. “hey, what the dickety?!”, he cried, “I didn’t do nothin’, your mother is a hoe-hoe-hoe!”. “Er.. chief?” asked officer Lou, “aren’t they all impersonators? Many men have been the Santa Claus.”. Chief Wiggum was shocked at this. “whaaat?! Are you telling me Santa Claus isn’t even a real person?” he gasped. Lou explained that it must have been his wife who left all those presents at his house each year.

 Snake was now driving a deer-drawn sleigh haphazardly around a crowded shopping mall, but miraculously no-one was hurt. One very posh lady complained about how rude it was as she had just stepped back and narrowly avoided being run over. However, there seemed to be a curse on all teachers and staff from Springfield elementary, because they all got swept up by the Reindeer’s antler’s and hung by the scruff of the neck. “Schools out for Christmas and now this!”, cried the music teacher, who then produced a tiny fiddle and played a melancholy tune. “No-body knows the trouble I’ve been,” he sang, “no-body knows my sorrow.” “HA! As if we teachers ever get a break!”, scoffed Miss krabappel, who still went on smoking even while being hung from a Reindeer’s Antler’s. It seemed as though she could go on smoking even if she had fallen out of a boat. She would probably be just finishing her smoke by the time she was dragged out on the beach and resuscitated. “There are nine reindeer, which means eighteen antlers and thirty-six hooves, yet still only one red nose,” calculated Principal Skinner. “Och, how can ye be thinkin’ o’ math at a time like dis?” growled groundskeeper Willy.

 Krusty was now finished at the bank machine and had begun his lonely way home. On the way, he saw the Christmas tree section, where homer was struggling with the newly selected tree. First, he shoved it in the back of the car saying, “Come on, fit in, will you?”, while marge and the kids were all inside, being squashed by the tree. “Way to go dad, you’ve made room for everything but yourself!”, said Bart. “Doh!” answered homer. “Hmmn, I think were supposed to strap it to the roof.” Said marge. Once the tree was strapped to the roof, homer got in the driver’s seat and the car got going. “Doh!”, he said again, when the tree flew off the front of the car, hitting another car and setting off its alarm. Krusty could see that this was going to take forever, but at least these gentile-folks had family. He made his way to his lonely apartment, up to his lonely master bedroom and sighed. It was his job as a children’s entertainer to be happy on the outside, while his adult life lay in tatter’s and he was a clown who had just realised that the joke was on him. It looked like he was going to spend this Hanukah just like he had spent every other Hanukah: alone. He did have a child of his own, a daughter named Sophie, but he also had an ex from special forces named Erin whose mission seemed to be to keep his daughter as far away from him as possible. His own father was a serious, self-respecting rabbi who was very disappointed in him for becoming a silly clown. He showered, climbed into bed and watched some news followed by some stand-up comedy on his bedroom Flat-screen before switching it off and drifting off to sleep.

 That night, at the Burns mansion, C. Montgomery burns had just woken up in his four-poster bed from a particularly vivid dream and Smithers came to check on him. “Are you alright sir? Was it a nightmare?”, asked Smithers. “Not a nightmare per’se, but a very powerful vision.”, answered Mr. Burns. “I was visited by three spirits, I was shown my past, my present and one possible outcome for my future where no-one mourned my death and I saw so much wickedness. What made it so haunting is that it was all MY wickedness! Now, I want to change my ways!”. “Well sir, you can change if you have discipline.” Answered Smithers. “By the way, tell all my employee’s that yes, they can have Christmas off!”. “Will do, sir!” Answered Smithers. 

The next morning, krusty lit a cigarette, went down to get his morning paper at the doorstep and was pleasantly surprised to meet his daughter right there at his front door. “They delivered me here, though I’ll probably only be here for this morning.”, she said, “well I didn’t want my pops to be alone on Hanukah and I got you a card, it says happy Hanukah!”. “Wow. my daughter remembered me on Hanukah and got me a card. That’s great.”, groaned krusty, not looking at all pleased that his daughter had remembered him on Hanukah and got him a card. He didn’t express it well, but he was sincerely overjoyed that he wasn’t doomed to spend Hanukah alone like he thought he was. However, he also regretted that he hadn’t gotten properly dressed and made himself more presentable before opening the front door. Now his daughter was seeing him smoking a cigarette while still in his underwear, slippers and dressing gown, but he hadn’t suspected that anyone would come calling at this time. “You know, for a clown, you don’t look very happy.”, commented Sophie. “Anyway, I really hope were seeing Grandpa, I’m looking forward to that.” Well, are coming inside?” asked Krusty. “Can I come in and make a phone-call?” asked Sophie, I want to talk to Grandpa!” “Sure, knock yourself out!” groaned krusty. Sophie ran to the phone and dialled for the rabbi. “Hey Grandpa, are you coming to dinner on Hanukah? Okay, that’s great!” she put down the phone. “Well,” she told krusty “he said he would like to come if there is a special dinner on Hanukah, provided there are no silly antics and nothing too clownish. Not sure what he means by that, though.” “Er… you do realise I’m a clown, right?” , Krusty pointed out sarcastically.

Meanwhile, Mr. burns and Smithers were going somewhere they had never been before: the Kwik-e-mart. Mr. Burns was actually shopping with commoner’s and he got talking to Milhouse’s mom. “Well why don’t you apologise first?” he suggested to her. “What, but clearly he’s the one who’s wrong.” Answered Milhouse’s mom. “Does it matter who’s wrong?” asked Mr. Burns, “what about all the good times you’ve had as a family?”. “You know, I never really thought about it that way.” She answered. After that, they went to Moe’s tavern, where Mr. Burns got talking to Milhouse’s Dad. “Why don’t you apologise first?” he asked him. “But clearly she’s the one being stupid.”, answered Milhouse’s Dad. “But wouldn’t you rather spend Christmas with all three of you than spend it alone, just because one of you is stupid?” said Mr. Burns. “That would make me the stupid one!” gasped Milhouse’s dad, “Thanks, I never thought of it like that before!”. “I must say wow, sir,” remarked Smithers, “you really have changed!” “Ah yes, I’m really feeling the spirit of Christmas and boy was I fool for not seeing it earlier.” Mused Mr. Burns. “Seeing what earlier?” asked smithers. “Why, all that Christmas is about!” answered Mr. Burns, “It’s the season of giving, of peace on earth and goodwill to men, but you see, Smithers, not everyone celebrates Christmas, some have other customs.” “Nothing wrong with that, sir.” Said Smithers. “Oh no, of course not,” said Mr. Burns, “but whether its Christmas, Hanukah, or Ramadan, I want it to be the best it can be for whoever celebrates it!”. “Wow, am I dreaming?” asked Moe.  “Where is the real Mr. Burns and what have you done with him?” shouted homer. “Well, er, we do have some residents in Springfield who are Jewish,” murmured Smithers, “Would you like to invite them to a traditional Jewish dinner?” 

When Homer got home and Marge heard what had been suggested at Moe’s tavern, she thought it was a great idea. “We can throw a surprise party for Krusty!”, she said. “But mom, what about Krustie’s ex?”, asked Lisa. “Good question”, answered Marge, I don’t know whether inviting his ex would be a good idea or a bad idea.” “Well, there is some hope they can settle it like adults.” Said Lisa, who considered herself to be very mature and grown-up for an eight-year-old. “We’ll have to make doubly sure she’s ready for that.” Said Marge. Meanwhile, Milhouse’s Mom and Milhouse’s Dad had had just turned up in front of each other on the snow-covered street, where all the streetlights were hung with mistletoe. “Hello, I’m sorry.” Said Milhouse’s Mom, her breath frosting as she sighed heavily and hung her head. “No, I’m sorry.” He answered. Their faces were close to each other now, under the mistletoe. “I was a jerk.”, he said. “Yeah, you were, but I shouldn’t have let your bad habits become my excuses.”, she said, “like they say in Japan, Gomenasai.” Their faces were even closer now, under the mistletoe and they kissed. “We haven’t kissed like that in a long time.”, She said. “That’s why we should never have split up.”, he said. 

When Krusty came back to his apartment that day, he found it pitch black, when suddenly… “surpriiiiiise!!!!”, the lights turned on, the room filled with the noise of party-blowers and confetti went everywhere. “May I have your attention please!”, announced Lisa, as she tapped an empty Wine-Glass with a dinner-knife, “As Springfield’s youngest Buddhist and on behalf of my protestant family who aren’t really that religious, it is my great pleasure to wish you a very happy Hanukah and Mazel tov!” “Mazel tov!”, they all echoed in unison. The dinner-table was laid just like a traditional Hanukah feast and Homer was already helping himself to bits and pieces. “Hey Marge, we should do this more often!”, said Homer, “It’s a great way to get free dinners! Mmmn, caaaandlllles!” “Homer, he hasn’t said Jewish grace yet!”, snapped Marge. “

Wow, you’re all here!”, said Krusty, “The Simpsons, Mr. Burns and smithers, my Papa, my daughter and HOLY SCHNITZEL IT’S MY EX!!!”. “Oh, relax, I’m not going to ruin Hanukah just because I’m your ex.” Answered Erin. “Look, I know it’s kinda my fault you got discharged.”, said Krusty. “Well, no, you did what you believed was right.” Said Erin, “It may not have been what agreed with the army, but that’s not your fault. Splitting up might have been a good thing, because it gave me a chance to think, but now that I’ve thought long enough to realise that I was wrong to involve Sophie in any dispute between us and that there’s so much I’ve been holding onto that I needed to let go of, I think it’s time to get back together again.” “Well, I’ve had time to think too,” said krusty, “and I’ve decided that from now on I’m having no more one-night stands. Now, are we heading to the dinner table?” “Ah, but first, are you going to perform for us some delightful clown tricks?” suggested the rabbi. “But Papa, I thought you said you didn’t want any silly antic’s or anything too clownish.” Said Krusty. “Oh no, god gave us clowns so they could give us laughter,” argued the Rabbi, “just remember that there are times for solemnity as well.” Krusty rode around on his miniature bicycle, jumped onto the coffee table, rode from one end of the coffee table to the other and jumped off the other end, landing in a big “ta-daaahh!”, which was met with applause. “Great, now we can eat!”, said homer. 

When they had all taken their seat’s and placed their napkin’s, krusty bowed his head, joined his hands together and began speaking solemnly in Hebrew. After that, they all began to dig in. “This is courtesy of Mr. Burns and Smithers, who did most of the cooking!”, said Marge. “Wow, that’s awfully nice of you, Mr. Burns!”, said Lisa. “Ah, yes, I know I haven’t always been very nice,” answered Mr. Burns, “but you see, recently I have had a life-changing vision!”. “He was, er, visited in one night by three spirits.” Murmured Smithers. “Well, thank you Mr. Burns,” said krusty, “And thanks to all of you who came. I really thought I was going to spend yet another Hanukah alone.” “And I would like to thank you, Smithers!”, said Mr. Burns. “Thank me? What for?”, asked Smithers. “Well, I knew I had to change my way’s, but I also needed someone to support me. You were by my side all this time and you’ve helped me go from renowned corporate devil to totally transformed man!”. “Oh, well, then you’re welcome, Mr Burns,” said a very bashful Smithers.

 When it came Christmas morning, Lots of happy children were getting up, rubbing the sleep out of their eye’s and coming down to see what Santa Claus had left for them. Milhouse got his Christmas wish of his parents getting back together and being a family again. He also got a remote-control assault helicopter with ultra-realistic firing sound effects. Nelson got his Christmas wish of his papa returning. He also got a BB-gun so could put coins on the ground for people to pick up and say “Haw-haw!” as he shot them up the bum while they were bending over. Since he was feeling the spirit of Christmas, he let the nerds have a go at this as well, so the bully and nerds alike could have a good laugh at someone else’s expense. their best reaction was from bumblebee man, who clenched his buttocks and cried “aye-ee-aye-ee-aye, that was not a butterfly!”, but the joke was soon on Nelson when Ralph got him with his toy pistol and giggled with glee.

 Bart got a Limited-Edition Radioactive Man action figure and Lisa was told that the extra-large gift was for her, so she was now tearing an extra-large amount of wrapping. it was a gymnastic jumping-horse with a feather-duster attached to one end. On the other end was a bucket on a mop and on the bucket was a crudely-drawn face of a pony. “Well you’ve always wanted a pony!”, said Homer. “Hmmn, it’s not as exciting as a real pony,” commented Lisa, “but I’m glad Santa Claus didn’t push a real pony down the chimney, or wrap a real pony in wrapping paper, as that would have been animal abuse!”. “Oh no, of course not!” said Marge. “The world’s kindest man would never do that!”.

I was planning to review all six comics in this series, and now, this is it. In the sixth and final edition of the Aggretsuko comic series, there is an office sports day. It is one of these ‘’team-building’’ things. They didn’t have a day out for paint-ball, but they were divided into teams, team Retsuko, team Tsunoda, team Ton and team Warabida, who competed in office versions of sports.  The cover has a very competitive vibe to it, showing them on the three winners platforms with medals, though this was not the result in the comic.

Each team is a trio and  the trio of Retsuko, Haida and Fenneko are the three main characters in this comic. First, there is rubber band archery,( targets: red balloons.) followed by paper-work weight-lifting, then the paper plane javelin, then speed typing, then paper football, then jar opening and then waste-paper basketball, all right after each other. before the final event, Retsuko and Tsunoda both took a bathroom break and discussed what they would do with the prize paid-day-off while rinsing they’re hands. ( Retsuko also washed her face.)

Tsunoda wants to go shopping followed by a spa break, which sounds healthier compared with what retsuko envisages. Retsuko wants to stay at home binge-watching Netflix and eating an entire tub of chocolate ice-cream in her PJ’s.  The only person she will have any social interaction with is the pizza-deliverer. Tsunoda thinks this  is a daft idea and indeed it doesn’t sound healthy. I think a spa would be great, but I wouldn’t want to Instagram everything like Tsunoda would.

we then see the final event, swivel chair racing. Retsuko had already won the paperwork weight-lifting and the wastepaper basketball,  both of which she won  by focusing her rage, while Tsunoda had won rubber band archery by having the most well-rehearsed technique. She throws gracefully and gets it completely right, always being the goody-two-shoes. However, it is still Retsuko’s twisted face as she lifts the paperwork that stands out to me the most. This seems to be instead of a death-metal rant, as this is the only issue which doesn’t have one of those.

The swivel-chair racing event is very reminiscent of Mario kart. Tsunoda even uses the banana peel trick! Tsunoda was just about to win, but got overtaken at the last minute by someone from team Warabida so neither Retsuko or Tsunoda won. It was such an intense rivalry, but then they were both beaten by those guys from the other end of the office who they don’t even know the names of. Results were: team Warabida, 1st place, team Tsunoda, 2nd place, team Ton 3rd place and that leaves team Retsuko 4th  and last.

I don’t know which team I’d like to be on, but I would like to be on any other team seeing team ton’s reactions. There’s something satisfying about seeing the team with all the office superiors and suck-ups to the boss being crushed. I'm not sure sure what I would be best at either, but I know I'd be willing to put my best into it.  This sort of ending makes it seem like its meant to be a lesson about how it doesn’t matter if you win or lose. However, Retsuko deciding to ‘’train for next year’’ under the instructor who only says ‘’protein’’ makes it seem like no-one has learned anything and it gives this comic a more cynical feel, which is my only complaint about such a fun-filled comic.