the signs as shit i've seen them do
aries: parties so hard they give up on that and convert to mormonism
taurus: wears crocs in fuckin public
gemini: does sketchy arts n crafts in a 7-11 parking lot
cancer: gets drunk, cries about girls, and pees in a lake
leo: sits on the floor and eats a cold, raw potato
virgo: sustains injuries while taking aesthetic pics in a thorn bush
libra: accidentally tells germans they're horny by trying to compliment them at the dinner table
scorpio: eats a two day old vodka-soaked pizza, dies
sagittarius: manages to get a gummy bear lodged in bra during the legendary food fight of '09
capricorn: refers to jeans as 'long sleeved pants'
aquarius: walks out of a boat wearing nothing but a starfish to cover junk
pisces: sticks peanut m&m's up their nose, forgets they can breathe through their mouth, nearly dies
