ouch (shit) thalie

finally posting my first marytom fic *yaaaay* (after being SO annoyed about this ship it was about time🥺).

i hope you have the same fun i did while i was writing it💖

it's been a while since i want to talk about why the forearms' scene is so important in deep. first i must clarify that tobs is a femgaze show; one made by women to women and where every character/scene resonates with us. where we dont see (women) sexualized or used just as plot devices that have no other meaning to the story that be a reason to the hero to show how great he is.

many things have been said about the forearms' scene (or just about donal's forearms) and there's one that deeply bothered me: no, tom is NOT being sexualized on that scene.

to sexualize a character is to strip them of their humanity and transform them into a piece of meat whose only use is being the viewers' sexual fantasy. there isnt a deep meaning to those type of scenes and, most of the time, are extremely stupid.

in tobs what we see is how mary face desire for the first time in a long time. the importance of this scene is that we're seeing tom throught mary's eyes. we perceive his forearms as sexy bc she does. it's her lust's awakening and in mary is something so important that the scene is not only a break point to her, but to the viewers too.

mary has surpressed her feelings for years (or at least she tried) bc she didnt want to hurt others and herself. she's hidden them in the deepest part of herself, but when she sees tom casually rolling his sleeves everything shattered. those seconds is not her brain which is in control of her actions, but desire.

for the first time on the show, she met a man she sees attractive and feels attraction for. and she doesnt know how to handle it. but the best thing about this scene is that everything happens in the most natural way. tom isnt put into a situation that shame him, but it's just him being himself what awakened mary's desires.

i hadnt talked about this yet, but that mary was wearing a white dress (which one of its meanings was purity) and where she's discovering, for the first time, what man's lust is...it's driving me insane since the first time i watched it.

the first time mary experiences desire is while she's looking at tom's forearms. thats her sexual awakening.but this scene is the opposite: she's the one who's desired. something that she's never felt before (even when mr sparrow had feeling for her, he never showed his lust)

mary always thought that she cant awake any s*xual desire and didnt even know what that kind of desire is. in that ball, she's faced to the most sexual encounter she had ever had.and she doesnt know what to do.

*playing Drop dead by Olivia Rodrigo*

THEY COULDNT BE CUTER!!

houses are one of the most common symbolisms of 'opening the doors to the deepest part of your mind and your darkest secrets' (most of the time, ones who have been hidden even for you).

sherlock returns to his old home is his first step to face the guilt he's been feeling.

sherlock is not prepared for this journey and here is where moriarty comes. since the very beginning of their friendship, sherlock has let james gets into his mind. so now, letting james inside inside his house is the next step to take him deeper into sherlock's psyche.

and here is when moriarty becomes sherlock's guide (or better said, the trickerst archetype of sherlock's psyche).

the choice of putting james in front of the window, bathed with the light, sends a clear message to the viewers: he's here to bring the light=truth.

but james wont be kind or lie so the truth hurts less. no, as the trickerst archetype he's part of sherlock's shadow and james is capable to perceive the dark secret that hides in the deepest part of that house, before even sherlock is conscious of it.

and again, the idea of james being the guide who brings the light=truth, it's reinforced the second time they made a big discovery about sherlock's dad.james, again, is near the window, letting the light bath his figure while he talks (and sherlock reads the documents).

there were three scenes that broke my heart (each of them in different ways). the first one was lizzie and mary conversation and how mary finally told her big sister how alone she's felt all those years.

lizzie has always cared about mary, but while they talk we see how she's neglected her younger sister. lizzie never asked herself if mary was really happy (or tried to get closer to her again), she just leave her alone bc 'mary can deal with everything on her own.'

does this mean that lizzie is a bad person? no, but she's at fault about the way she treated mary.

that conversation is not just something liberating for mary, but for lizzie too. she finally sees the mistakes she made and can change. now the two sister really are able to form a true bond.

the second scene that broke my heart and made me love characters that id never thought id love, was how they portrayed mr collins' and charlotte's vulnerabilities.

i wasnt expecting to watch a mr collins so human. on the second part he wasnt a parody of a man, but a man lost that only wanted to be seen and loved. that conversation between him and mary changed the way i saw this character. it gave him a depth that, must say, he didnt have in P&P.

the same goes to charlotte. thanks to her they explored, just with a few phrases, what it meant for a woman to be married and how miserable can make you feel. for a woman is almost the only option she had, but sometimes that option is worse than being alone and poor.

and, oh, how important that was.

and the last one was miss bingley's kindness. she was mary's bully, someone who only showed her selfishness and didnt care about others...but, at the end, she was the one who showed a moment of pure kindness.

she didnt have to help mary; miss bingley could have gone back home and forgot about mary. she wasnt going to get anything in return, but the thought of making other person happy.

the symbolism of the storm is quite clear: feelings unfulfilled and their first fight. This is a turning point to them; for me it's really interesting to have even a small glimpse of what type of reactions they'll have in a fight. how will they treat each others? will the heat of the moment make them forget, even for mere seconds, the love they share?

OH, and the answer they gave us is perfect. both of them are two of the kindness people someone can find and, even frustrated by the situation (and the love confession that never became true), they cant stop taking care of the other and being afraid that they might get hurt.

it doesnt matter that tom said he was doing all this bc he promised to mrs gardiner to take care of her; neither that he left her behind for a few minutes. he comes back. worried like he's never been before and says the most perfect phrase he could have said:

"do you know how i would feel if anything were to happen to you?"no, mary doesnt know. she's never felt loved and was always forgotten. how could she know how deep are tom's feelings? and the true is that we, as viewers, didnt truly know either. yes, we've watched him till now and could imagine what he'd do. but thats not necessary bc the story answers our doubts the best way possible: showing it.

one of the things i love the most about tom's character is that he's not only a man of words. no, in many times are his actions what truly speak about how intense is his love for mary. how lost, afraid and guilty he feels knowing that she could die bc of that storm.

i said it before, but tobs has so much in common with the little mermaid. mary's story's theme, at its core, is finding your own voice (and be brave enough to be true to yourself and your desires).

as what happened to ariel, mary's voice has been stolen by a witch (please, understand the concept of witch as it's often used on some fairytales: an older woman who knows things about the world that the fl doesnt. she can be her guide or her worst enemy).

mrs bennet stole mary's voice (and her free wild) bc mary was mrs bennet's plan B to be always taken care of. she saw her daughter as a nurse/maid who'd do whatever she wanted and is for that selfishness that mary becomes her mother's shadow.

she was silenced all her life, invisible to her parents and, in many ways, to her sisters too. starved of attention and love, mary hid her feelings in the deepest part of herself till not even her was able to reach them.

the main difference between mary and ariel is ariel's curiosity towards humans/the world. it's not that mary hasnt any, but that she feels so small that her fear for what could happen is bigger than her curiosity.

and it's when she's a bit lost yet, when mary meets tom for the first time. a man who gives her the power to break her curse with the most powerful tool: words.

for mary, mr collins and charlotte are a mirror where to see reflected that a marriage has a dark side too. at the beginning mary thought that marriage was her only choice and purpose in life bc, in fact, for society it was. an unmarried woman is an outsider who lives by the kindness of others (we even see this on episode 10 when mary says that she'll never be able to choice her own wallpaper).

every woman only had one mission: find a husband... but most of them dont know that this choice could make them miserable (or they know, but as i said before, they arent really free to live how theyd want).

seeing how sad are mr collins and charlotte with their marriage, opens mary's eyes and make her take a decision that never thought itd cross her mind: dont marry if you dont believe it'll make you happy.

and after this revelation, it's when the show constantly demostrates what it means to truly love someone and how someone acts when theyre only a bit interested.

in episode 8 and 9 we see how, in the same situations, tom's and mr ryder's reactions are the opposite. tom always has mary, and her safety, in mind (even when he gets angry at her), while mr ryder only thinks of himself (and is able to leave her behind even when he's not sure of her well being).

look like the boy too shy

aint gonna kiss the girl

sha-la-la-la-la, aint that sad?

aint it a shame? too bad

he's gonna miss the girl🎶

this scene is SO the little mermaid (disney) coded!!

first, how mary's story, at its core, talks about how she finds/recovers her own voice (and is brave enough to, finally, speak for herself) and second, tom's inability to express his feelings thanks to 'outside forces'.

as any period drama lover i love a good dance scene for the main couple... and this one is particularly interesting bc it explores so much how tom infatuation with mary is already so deep.he's not our usual male leader who, even when he's dazzed by the female leader, they can perfectly dance.

no, tom shows from the beginning that he's so hopeless in love that he even trips (he's a bit pathetic when he's in love and that's what makes him sexy). the way he doesnt avert his eyes from her or breath deeply every time he's near her (to smell her perfume), shows so well how deep is his passion for mary.

right now he cant express it with words. first bc of ann and second bc, maybe, he doesnt understand it, or doesnt want to acknowledge all those powerful new feelings. it's clear on his face how he cant stop thinking about mary, how he pictures a future where the two of them are together (im even sure that if things were different, he'd confess his feelings after that dance).

and mary, oh my mary, she looks so lost. no one has ever looked at her as tom is doing and im sure she's trying to deny what a part of herself is telling her: this gentleman is infatuated by you. she cant accept that idea bc ann is there and she thinks he's in love with her...