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summary: when regulus finds himself caught in confusing feelings for you, he ends up wanting needing to seek his brotherās advice, unable to understand why his stomach drops when youāre near or why it feels like restless roaches take flight whenever you smile at him.
warnings: the most heavy yearning ever, background wolfstar, panic, anxiety, romantic tension, emotional distress, strong feelings, black brothers fluff, confusion, swooning, internal turmoil, unspoken feelings, overthinking, heavy obliviousness, regulus is love-sick, art credit goes to sophithil, fluff fluff fluff.
Regulus has never felt more utterly confused in his life. Confused and, perhaps even worse, faintly disgusted.Ā
The confusion arrives in many forms, though the most pressing is this: why his body insists on collapsing into chaos whenever you are near.
There is no logic to it. No pattern he can chart, no rational sequence to explain the way his stomach twists in on itself as if it has been infested with restless roaches, or why his heartbeat lurches upward at the mere brush of your voice across the air.
He has tried to approach it as he would any other problem. He considered the possibility of an illness first, because that seemed the most plausible. He had even gone as far as visiting the infirmary, sitting stiffly on the edge of the bed while Pomfpry inspected him with a raised brow.
She pronounced him perfectly healthy, apart from a slight deficiency in vitamin D, which hardly seemed enough to warrant the electric current that shot through him when you smiled at him across the library table.
It has become intolerable. A constant itch beneath his skin, one he cannot name and therefore cannot eradicate. He loathes not knowing.
And perhaps that is the real reason he now finds 1himself walking, fast and purposeful, through the stone corridors of the castle toward the Gryffindor common room. His feet move with a mind of their own, as though they have conspired against him.Ā
Ordinarily, this would be the last place heād goāthe last person heād willingly seek out. Sirius was the antithesis of everything Regulus had spent years constructing himself to be: reckless where he was restrained, loud where he was quiet, sunlight blazing where Regulus preferred the shadows.Ā
He was not someone one went to for advice, and certainly not for something as delicateāno, as humiliatingāas this private affliction that had begun to unravel him from the inside out.
And yet, here he was.
Perhaps it was some pitiful remnant of the little boy who used to run to his older brother with every scraped knee and broken toy, expecting Sirius to fix him like he always somehow did. Sirius had once been, in all accounts, his heroānot that he would ever admit it out loud. Sirius these days was usually spectacularly useless, sharing what appeared to be a single brain cell with that equally insufferable friend of his, Potter.
Still⦠maybe, just maybe, Sirius would know what was wrong with him.
Barty had been no help at all, only laughing until he nearly choked and remarking that Regulusās obliviousness must be hereditary, some long-standing Black family defect.Ā
Pandora had been worse, pressing polished crystals into his palm and instructing him to sleep with them under his pillow. He had woken the next morning feeling exactly the same, except slightly humiliated.
So now he has been driven to this. To the humiliating thought of confessing his supposed illness to Sirius, who will either mock him mercilessly or, with even less dignity, try to be sincere about it.
The thought makes his stomach knot harder.
He turns the final corner and catches sight of his brother sprawled on a couch near the fireplace, laughter spilling out of him like sparks from the flames. Remus Lupin sits at his side, smiling in that quiet way of his, the sort of smile that seems to begin behind his eyes and ripple outward.Ā
Sirius is watching him with the soft, unguarded look Regulus has seen only a handful of times, and never directed at anyone else.
It is a look so drenched in affection it makes Regulus recoil instinctively. He stops in his tracks and stares, something sour rising in his chest. Not jealousy, certainly not that, but something adjacent to it. Disgust, perhaps, at the way Sirius wears his heart so obviously in his eyes.Ā
It is painfully clear, even to someone as emotionally inept as Regulus, that his brother is in love with Lupin. What an oblivious fool.
And somehow, that makes Regulusās own predicament feel even more intolerable. Because if what Sirius has is love, then what is this thing strangling him from the inside whenever you walk into the room?
Regulus walked toward them with the stiff composure of someone trying not to unravel. Sirius was still laughing, head tipped back, hair falling across his face while Remus watched him with quiet amusement. Their ease made Regulusās chest tighten. Everything here felt too warm, too bright, too loud, yet he forced his steps to stay even as he stopped before them.
Sirius spotted him and brightened instantly.Ā
āOh Merlin,ā he exclaimed. āReggieeee!ā
Regulus recoiled as though the word itself were corrosive. āI told you not to call me that.ā
āWhich is precisely why I do,ā Sirius said easily, still grinning.
Regulus kept his face blank. Remusās mouth twitched, though he wisely said nothing. Sirius lounged there, clearly waiting for some sharp retort, but Regulus gave him none.
āI need to speak with you,ā Regulus said, his voice low and clipped. āAlone.ā
Sirius raised his brows. āAlone, is it? That sounds suspicious.ā
āNow,ā Regulus added.
Something in his tone made Sirius glance at Remus, then back at him. āAll right, all right.ā He clapped Remusās knee as he rose. āDuty calls.ā
Regulus was already walking away. He could hear Siriusās footsteps following, loose and unhurried, while his own felt like they might splinter the stone beneath him. The air grew cooler as they moved into the quieter corridors of the castle.
When they reached an empty side hallway, Regulus stopped. Sirius leaned casually against the wall, folding his arms.
āAll right,ā he said. āWhatās this about? You look like youāre about to tell me someone died.ā
Regulus stared at the far wall, searching for words. They refused to come. Siriusās eyes narrowed slightly.
āReggie,ā he said, his tone shifting. āYouāre worrying me.ā
āStop calling me that,ā Regulus muttered, though the usual bite was missing.
Regulusās throat felt tight, like the words had caught there. He hated how unfamiliar this was, hated how everything inside him felt scattered and jagged. Sirius was watching him too closely.
āSomething is wrong with me,ā Regulus said at last. The words left him flat and cold.
Sirius blinked, his grin vanishing completely. āWrong with you how?ā
āI do not know,ā Regulus admitted, the confession sour on his tongue. āIt has been happening for months. My stomach twists. My hands sweat. My heart races without reason. I cannot breathe properly. It comes and goes, and when it comes, it is⦠intolerable.ā
Sirius straightened from his slouch, brows furrowing. āHave you talked to Pomfrey?ā
āI have,ā Regulus said tightly. āShe claimed I am perfectly healthy.ā
āAre you?ā
āObviously not,ā Regulus snapped, then immediately pinched the bridge of his nose like he regretted it.
Sirius raised his hands. āAlright, alright, donāt bite. Just asking.ā He tilted his head, studying him. āWhen does it happen?ā
Regulus stilled. āIt varies.ā
āThatās helpful,ā Sirius muttered. āDoes something trigger it? Quidditch? Exams? The crushing weight of our family name?ā
āNo,ā Regulus said too quickly.
āLack of sleep? Nerves? Guilt?ā Sirius leaned in, squinting. āA hex from Mother?ā
āNo.ā
Sirius gasped. āWait. Have you been experimenting with Slughornās pickled⦠whatever-those-things-are?ā
āI am not poisoned,ā Regulus hissed.
āFine, fine. Then what?ā
Regulus opened his mouth, then shut it again. His jaw worked. The answer pressed against his ribs like something dangerous, like it would detonate if he said it aloud. The very thought of speaking your name here felt unthinkable.
Sirius frowned, rubbing his jaw as if that might stir some wisdom loose. āCould be something hereditary. Something that runs in the family.ā
Regulus narrowed his eyes. āLike what?ā
āI donāt know.ā Sirius shrugged. āA Black thing. We have enough of those.ā
Regulus considered that, unwillingly. It was not implausible. Their family history was riddled with cursed heirlooms, unfortunate tendencies, and suspicious deaths. Some strange internal defect did not seem entirely out of the question.
Sirius studied him again. āActually,ā he said slowly, āI think Iāve had that before.ā
Regulus stilled. āWhat?ā
āThe symptoms,ā Sirius said, nodding. āStomach doing somersaults, canāt breathe, whole body going mad. Yeah. Iāve had that.ā
Regulusās chest tightened. āWhen?ā
Sirius squinted, thinking. āIt happens sometimes whenāā He cut himself off, eyes flicking away for a second before he added, too quickly, āItās rare.ā
āThat is not an answer,ā Regulus said sharply.
Sirius rolled his eyes. āFine. It happens when Iām around Remus.ā
There was a pause, heavy and still.
Something in Regulusās mind shifted, slow and terrible.
Sirius went on, oblivious. āActually, only when Iām around him. Not anyone else. Which makes sense, I suppose. Heās⦠well. Heās him.ā
Regulus felt the floor tilt beneath him.
Sirius continued, unaware that he had just detonated Regulusās entire worldview. āWhich is reassuring, in a way. If it were genetic, it would probably flare up more often. Unless it is dormant most of the time. Like a curse or gout. Except it only happens around Remus which is not so often, so I think Iām not in severe condition.ā
Regulus did not move. His heart was a slow, pounding thunder.
Sirius went on blithely, warming to the topic. āHonestly, maybe it is a genetic condition triggered by proximity to certain stimuli. A reaction to pheromones, maybe. Or the familyās atrocious breeding habits finally catching up with us. Centuries of cousin-marriages, you know. Practically marinating in shared bloodlines. Perhaps our organs are simply confused.ā
Regulus closed his eyes briefly.
Sirius was still rambling. āActually, this explains everything. Imagine it: the Black family inbreeding-induced cardiac spasms. It would make sense. One moment you are fine, the next moment your heart is galloping and you want to vomit.ā
Regulusās thoughts were not poetic. They were a single, shrieking note.
Because Sirius had said it only happened around Remus.
And for Regulus, it only happened around you.
The realisation struck like a Bludger to the ribs.
It was not a disease. It was not some ancient curse fermenting in his bloodline.
It was the same thing Sirius felt for Remus.
And Regulus felt it for you.
The floor seemed to lurch. His stomach twisted so violently he thought for a moment he might actually collapse. Sirius was still talking about obscure magical blood disorders and their potential to cause mass hallucinations.
āI have to go,ā Regulus said abruptly.
Sirius blinked. āWhat? No, hang onāā
āI said I have to go.ā Regulus was already stepping back.
āWait,ā Sirius said, alarm creeping into his voice. āReggie, what if this really is serious? What if we are both dying?ā
āWe are not dying, you bloody idiot!ā he called over his shoulder.
āAre you sure?ā Sirius yelled after him. āBecause I think my left lung just twinged!ā
Regulus did not respond. He lengthened his stride, desperate to get away before the walls witnessed his expression. The corridors blurred as Regulus walked, though the walk felt like too calm a word for the frantic momentum that carried him forward. His mind was a relentless chorus of how.
How had this happened.
How had it crept beneath his skin without him noticing.
How had you, of all people, become the fulcrum upon which his world suddenly tilted.
How had he been so careful all his life only to let this slip past his guard.
The more he tried to trace its origin, the more it dissolved like ink in water. There was no moment to dissect, no clean beginning to point at. There was only the hollow terror blooming in his chest and the unbearable truth of it thrumming in every nerve.
He had always assumed that if love came for him, it would be quiet. Civilised and contained. Instead it felt like standing too near a cliffās edge in a storm, wind clawing at his coat, nothing beneath his feet but air.
No one had warned him that it would be this violent. And surely no one had warned him that it would be you.
By the time he reached the library, his hands were trembling.
He slipped through the door like a shadow, scanning the rows until his gaze caught on you.
There you were. Sitting at a table beneath the pale spill of lanternlight, a faint curve to your lips as you leaned toward a friend, speaking in a hushed voice meant only for them. You laughed softly at something she said.
He stood there, stranded between the shelves, mind roaring. What was he meant to do? Stalk toward you and declare that you had somehow dismantled every ordered structure within him? That your voice made his stomach twist and your smile made the world tilt on its axis? That he could not look at your lips without imagining them against his own, which was absurd and indecent and entirely unlike him?
He could not. He could never.
He was still silently berating himself when it happened.
āRegulus!ā
Your voice. Clear, bright, cutting through the heavy quiet like sunlight through fog.
He startled slightly, caught. Your eyes found his, and you smiled like you had just spotted something familiar and dear.
āCome here,ā you said.
And he did it helplessly as if you had tethered a string to his ribs and pulled.
Your friend rose, murmured something, and drifted away, leaving only the two of you in the pool of lamplight.
You began speaking again, something soft and casual, though the words slid past him without meaning. He watched your mouth move and thought of nothing else. His mind was all static, no thoughts at all, just the sound of your voice and the fragile thread of composure fraying rapidly between his fingers.
Then you stopped. Your head tilted slightly as your eyes searched his face.
āAre you alright?ā you asked quietly. āYou look troubled.ā
Regulus blinked. The world felt very far away.
And then, as if his tongue had broken from his mind, the words escaped.
āSomething is wrong with me.ā
Silence fell.
āā¦What?ā you said softly.
His breath caught. He could have stopped. He could have swallowed it back, concealed it like he concealed everything, but the dam had cracked.Ā
āI donāt know whatās wrong with me,ā he said in a rush, the words spilling faster, tangled and frantic.
āI tried to ignore it. I thought it was nothing. I thought it would fade, but it has only grown worse.ā he said in a rush, the words spilling faster, tangled and frantic. He sucked in a sharp breath and ran a hand down his face.
āEvery time you are near, my heart becomes unbearable. It beats so hard I can feel it in my teeth, as though it is trying to escape. My palms sweat as if I have been hexed. I cannot speak properly, I cannot breathe, I cannot think. I look at you and it is as if the rest of the world disappears, and it terrifies me because I do not understand itāĀ
His jaw tightened, his voice trembling. ā I do not know how to control it. I have spent my whole life controlling everything and this isāā The world fractured with the touch of your lips.
One moment, Regulus was spilling out like water from a cracked glass, words breaking loose in sharp waves. The next, your mouth was on his, soft and steady and impossibly real.
Regulus went still, every muscle locked, breath suspended. His mind blanked, stunned into silence more absolute than any spell could achieve. The library dissolved. The stone and shelves and lanternlight ceased to exist.
There was only you.
Then you drew back, slow and careful, as if afraid he might shatter. The kiss seemed to have stolen all the air from the room, leaving only the sound of his own heart drumming raggedly inside his ribs.
Regulus stared. His eyes were wide, pupils blown, the pallor of his cheeks warming to a delicate rose. His lips were parted, flushed, a little damp, as though the memory of you still lingered there. He looked almost fragile, like someone startled awake from a dream and unsure what was real.
You smiled gently, watching him with quiet mischief as you leaned closer. Your voice was soft enough to be mistaken for a secret. āYou know, I think I might be catching whatever it is youāve got.ā
His gaze flickered from your eyes down to your lips again and lingered there, unmoving, as if pulled by a force older than reason. Hunger kindled in him, stark and unguarded. He looked like a man possessed. Like someone who had just found his god and was ready to kneel.
In truth, he thought faintly, if this was a sickness, he would let it hollow him out entirely. He would let it claim every inch of him, if it meant hearing you say his name like that again.
Your hands rose, cupping his cheeks with featherlight care, and that was what undid him completely. He leaned into your palms like a starving thing.
His voice trembled. āYeah?ā he whispered. āYou are?ā
āMhm,ā you said, smiling against his silence.
Regulus leaned in, hesitant at first and pressed his mouth to yours. The kiss was deeper this time, more certain, though still careful, reverent. He kissed like someone who had spent his entire life denying himself sweetness and now, tasting it, feared it might vanish if he held it too tightly.
When he finally drew back, his eyes were luminous.
You rose from your chair with a soft laugh, catching his hands in yours as though it were the easiest thing in the world. Regulus let you, though his expression shifted to faint bewilderment as you tugged him toward the door.
āWait,ā he murmured, falling into step behind you as you led him out between the shelves. āWhere are we going?ā
āYou will see,ā you said lightly, and there was laughter in your voice, soft and ringing.
You led him out across the quiet courtyard, through the stone arch and down the familiar worn steps toward the edge of the Black Lake. The last scatterings of sunlight lay fractured across its surface like molten gold. The air smelled of pine and distant smoke. The world felt unreal.
You stopped at the waterās edge. The lake lay wide and dark before you, still enough to catch the bleeding colors of the sky.
āThis is where I come,ā you said softly, your voice losing its playful lilt. āWhen everything feels too loud. When I need the world to slow down.ā
Regulus stood beside you, silent, gaze fixed on the reflection of your face trembling in the water.
āDo you feel better here?ā he asked quietly.
āI do,ā you said. āIt feels calmer here.ā
You studied him, tilting your head slightly. āWhere do you go when you feel that way?ā
Regulus hesitated. His hands flexed at his sides. He swallowed hard and kept his eyes on the water, gathering courage. āI⦠I go to you,ā he said finally, soft, almost a whisper.
You froze. āTo me?ā Your brow arched, a mix of surprise and shock crossing your features.
Regulus lifted his gaze to yours, letting a small, tentative smile curl his lips. āYouāre the only place that can calm me. That makes everything stop spinning. That makes me feel⦠steady.ā His hands twitched slightly, as if holding himself back, and his voice caught on the last words.
You blinked, the warmth of the confession settling in. āI never knew. I didnāt think you felt that way about⦠about me.ā
He shifted closer, brushing a shoulder lightly against yours, testing the space between you. āIt isnāt something I can explain. I donāt think Iāve ever felt anything like it. Itās⦠different.ā
Regulus thought if this was faith, then you were the only divine thing he would ever kneel to.
The sky had faded into twilight, the lakeās surface catching the last bits of gold and pink from the sunset. The stones beneath your feet were cold, but the warmth of your hand in his made him forget the chill.
āWhatās on your mind?ā you asked, nudging his arm playfully. āAre you plotting something evil or just thinking too hard again?ā
āI might be considering the consequences of⦠everything,ā Regulus muttered, cheeks slightly pink, but he tried to sound serious.
āConsequences? What, like youāre worried youāve fallen for me too quickly or that I mightāā
āāthink I'm absurdly foolish and hate me?ā he interrupted, almost scowling, but the corners of his mouth betrayed him.
You laughed. āI thought you hated me. You always seemed to avoid me like I was a puddle you didnāt want to step in.ā
Regulus froze. āHate you?ā
āWell, yeah,ā you said, leaning closer. āI assumed you hated my company because you always acted⦠repulsed. Honestly, I thought you despised me.ā
āI never meant to give that impression,ā he said, flustered, hands fidgeting. āI was just trying to control myself.ā
You smiled at him, bright and tender. āRegulus,ā you said, voice low. āYouāre ridiculous. But I like it.ā
And there it was again, that sickness twisting in him, relentless and undeniable. His palms were slick with sweat, his heart hammering so fiercely. His skin itched to be near yours, every nerve screaming for contact, and those goddamn roaches stirred in his stomach, reminding him of every moment he had denied.
Regulus really was sick for you, utterly, hopelessly, and beautifully sick. But he did not mind. In truth, he would have welcomed any consequence of this disease. He would have gladly been buried alive in the weight of it, willingly swallowed by the madness of it, if it meant a single heartbeat near you. If it meant every breath carried your presence.Ā
He could die a thousand times and each time he would choose to feel this again, to surrender to it, to you. His body was burning, collapsing under the weight of it, and all it could think of, all it could feel, all it wanted, was you, you, you.
āHey, Regulus,ā you laced your fingers through his, warm and firm, pulling him back from the edge of his spiraling thoughts. The sudden connection made him startle, his racing mind stuttering to a halt.
He blinked, caught off guard, fingers tightening around yours without realizing it. āYeah?ā
google uses ai. chrome uses ai. firefoxs uses ai. duck duck go uses ai. oceanhero uses ai. ECOASIA USES AI.
i can no longer turn on my phone, open a web browser app, and search up something without being exposed to a terrifyingly inconsistent and laughably inaccurate response, composed by the futuristic pipe dream of some tech bro from california.
the prose of an ai resembles that of a crossfaded university student, whoās unfortunately mistaken the onion as a verifiable source, and is trying to finish an essay thatās due in an hour. the result is inevitably unremarkable, and almost always fails to answer the very simple question i opened the app to ask.
ai is the future. that is a statement that i, as well as the the tech bros hunched over their computer desks and investing all their riches into bitcoin and stocks, believe to be true. ai will steal my art, my voice, my words, my face, and my data, until i can no longer make, say, write, or be. ai will take the person i am today, and use it to fuel the abysmally daft response to whatever question i will have tomorrow.
when i press my thumb to the enter key of my iphone keypad, my eyes will instantly lock on the words āai overviewā that prelude the garbage response it will ultimately deliver me. my pupils will move as it skims over the words, and i will know that it is wrong.
but i will read it anyways.
because it was my wonderā my insatiable curiosity and indomitable need to know moreā that lead me to typing that question into the search bar.
and it was theirs, that lead them to create something to answer it.
summary: in which you and regulus are teachers at Hogwarts High, painfully unaware of your own feelings - and even more oblivious to the fact that everyone else is fully aware. from whispered bets in the staff lounge to student spreadsheets tracking your ātotally platonicā coffee runs, the whole schoolās betting on your so-called friendship.
warnings: modern high school AU, the marauders and slytherin skittles are teachers, everyone is alive no one dies, pure fluff, mutual pining, in love but painfully oblivious, background wolfstar, coffee spills, flirting, mentioned sex, meddling coworkers, found family energy, slow burn that tests everyone's patience, tooth-rotting fluff <3
authors note: this is my most favorite fic so far ;) best thing i've written and i am so proud of it guys
Hogwarts High School was one hell of a school. Not only was it known for taking in the most elite, well-connected students in the country, it also had the audacity to handpick its own applicants.Ā
Only the best of the best got ināacademically gifted, absurdly talented, or just rich enough to pretend to be both. Anyone seen walking around with the shiny HHS logo on their blazer was practically a local celebrity.
And of course, a school that impressive needed teachers to match. They were professional. Well, allegedly. Technically, if you squinted.Ā
Hogwarts Highās staff was made up of terrifyingly qualified educators with glowing resumes, several degrees, and a shared agreement to ignore the fact that the chemistry and music departments were barely functioning disasters held together by duct tape and charm. (Looking at you, Barty and Sirius)
Still, as a collective, the staff were kind, sharp, and painfully overqualified. It was the kind of team that made Remus Lupin genuinely proud to call himself a teacher.Ā
Heād started teaching English here while finishing his masterās degree, shuffling between lectures and grading papers with a permanent coffee stain on his shirt. Years later, he had his own classroom, a framed diploma, and a very real fear of Bunsen burners thanks to a certain lunatic in a lab coat.
But for all the chaos, he loved his job. Mostly because of the people.Ā
His closest friends were scattered across the facultyāSirius, the unhinged music teacher with five guitars and zero respect for the curriculum; James, the ridiculously hot P.E. teacher who somehow made every sports day feel like a fashion show; and Peter, who taught math and hoarded snacks like the apocalypse was coming.
Lily Evans, queen of the art department and possibly the only person holding the school together, was a constant source of peace. The science department, however, was less peaceful. Barty Crouch Jr., Hogwartsā own walking hazard sign, taught chemistry and had nearly blown up the west wing three times.Ā
And then there was you, the saving grace of the science block. You were the biology teacher, the only one who actually wore their lab coat properly, and possibly the only reason the science building still had a roof.
And finally there was Regulus Black, the cold-blooded history teacher with a wardrobe full of black turtlenecks and no patience for late essays, was your department neighborāand as far as Remus had always been told, your long-time boyfriend.Ā
As far as Remus had always believed, you and Regulus were high school sweethearts still going strong after all these years. He had known the both of you for nearly a decade, and you had been there for him through some of the most difficult chapters of his life.Ā
You both shared his passion for education, your mutual disdain for mediocre teaching, and an unwavering dedication to your students.
So naturally, heād assumed you were soulmates. Of course you were together.
So for the absolute life of him, Remus could not comprehend why he was only just now discovering that his favourite power couple of eight years were not, in fact, a couple at all.
āSo waitāsorry, just so Iām clearāwhat youāre saying is⦠they arenāt a committed couple?ā
Remus blinked slowly, arms crossed over his chest as he stood dead center in his own classroom. His lesson plan was still on the whiteboard behind him, half-erased. Forgotten, because apparently, so were the last eight years of his reality.
James, still flushed and sweaty from whatever drills heād just finished running with the third-years, ruffled his hair, which was already a mess, and nodded like this was the most casual thing in the world.
āThey were never a couple to begin with, mate,ā James said, grabbing the edge of Remusās desk and spinning half-heartedly in the chair. āDonāt look at me like that. I thought they were, too, but apparently itās all a big platonic fairy tale.ā
āWhat the hell do you mean never a couple?ā Remus asked, incredulous.
āIāve seen them share a car. Iāve driven them home to their shared apartment when said car broke down. They have keys to each otherās places. They make each other tea without asking. She knows exactly how he likes his bloody toast, James.ā
āDoesnāt prove anything,ā Sirius piped up, swinging his legs up onto the windowsill with a lazy stretch, a lollipop hanging out of his mouth like a cigarette.
āI mean, thatās what they claim. For the record, theyāre full of shit. Absolutely dating. In fact, Iād go as far as to say theyāre disgustingly in love and just being annoying about it.ā
James rolled his eyes and leaned over to smack Siriusās shoulder. āYou just want to win the bet, you wanker!ā
āWhat bet?ā Remus said sharply, eyes narrowing.
All three of them paused.
Peter, sitting in the back corner with a half-eaten bag of crisps resting on his stomach, let out a poorly stifled snort.
āOh, donāt even start,ā Sirius muttered, shooting James a look. āYouāre the one who started the damn thing.ā
āIt was a joke at first,ā James defended, hands raised in mock surrender. āAnd then it turned into⦠you know. A thing.ā
āA thing?ā Remus echoed.
James scratched the back of his head. āAlright, fine. Thereās a bet going around the school. Staff, some of the older studentsāLilyās absolutely in on it, donāt let her pretend otherwiseāon whether or not Y/N and Regulus are dating. Or, more specifically, when theyāll finally admit it publicly.ā
āTheyāre obviously dating,ā Remus insists, setting down his tea with the weary finality of a man who's had this debate one too many times. āCome on. Theyāve been a thing since, like, forever.ā
Sirius raises an eyebrow. āSince when exactly? Because when we joined the department seven years ago, they already had that weird⦠thing.ā
āYou mean the way they bicker like an old married couple but also exchange coffee orders from memory?ā Peter adds, frowning. āI thought they were dating too. Until five years ago, Sirius and I tried to get them a bottle of wine for their anniversary, and they both looked at us like weād just insulted their bloodline.ā
āRight?ā Sirius jumps in. āRegulus was like, āWeāre not dating. Donāt be weird.ā And Y/N just blinked and said āWhat anniversary?ā Which, like⦠okay, gaslight me, I guess?ā
Everyone exchanged knowing glances, the disbelief hanging thick in the air. It was one of those moments where the pieces didnāt quite add up, and the mystery only deepened.
Sirius lets out a slow sigh āYeah, but then me and Barty peaked at their faculty filesāāĀ
āPeaked at their faculty files?ā Remus gasps, but heās ignored.Ā
āāand they have the same home address. They live together!ā
āI can confirm that, at least,ā Peter says. āThey were sharing a dorm back in uni. Then Y/N moved out for a bit, but sheās definitely back in Regulusās apartment now. Has been for, like, three years.ā
āThat doesnāt prove anything,ā James argues, though less convincingly now. āCould just be roommates with insanely good boundaries.ā
āThey share a car,ā Remus said, clearly on the edge of spiraling. āYou donāt just share a car with your mate unless youāre married or insane.ā
Peter lifted a crisp and added casually, āTheyāre also engaged.ā
Remus froze. āWhat?ā
Sirius perked up. āOh yeah, that bit. Regulus told me that, actually. Said theyāre engaged. Not romantically, apparently. Just⦠engaged with matching rings.ā
There was a beat of silence.
Then James groaned, dragging his hands down his face. āBloody hell, Sirius, what does that even mean? Who gets engaged platonically?ā
āI donāt know!ā Sirius said, chewing his lollipop stick with a shrug. āThere are many reasons! Citizenship? Sex? Moneyāā
Remus turned to him, deadpan. āMoney? Heās a Black for fuckās sake! He has more money than the school does.ā
Peter pointed a finger in the air. āExactly. So the money theory doesnāt even hold. Which brings us back to: theyāre definitely together. Theyāre just gaslighting the rest of us about it.ā
āThey could just be roommates,ā Sirius added after a pause, not sounding convinced in the slightest.
āYeah, sure,ā Peter muttered. āRoommates. Right. Like that time I forgot my binder in the biology lab and walked in on Regulus fucking her against the whiteboard?ā
The classroom erupted.
āWhat?!ā Remus yelled, nearly knocking over the whiteboard marker cup.
James doubled over with laughter, clutching his side. Sirius nearly fell off the windowsill, his lollipop clattering to the floor.
āOh my God, Peter,ā James wheezed. āYou never told me that!ā
āI was traumatized,ā Peter said, completely unfazed. āItās why I changed the binder. I donāt use that one anymore.ā
āTheyāre not even subtle about it,ā Sirius said, laughing. āRegulus comes into the staff room with her lipstick still on his jaw, and everyone just pretends not to notice because heāll glare at you into the next century.ā
Remus dragged a hand over his face. āI cannot believe this. This is actually deranged. Who in their right mind would act like this and still claim itās not romantic?ā
Sirius raised a hand. āMy brother. Thatās who.ā
Remus stared blankly at the floor for a second, as if trying to reboot his understanding of the universe. āAlright. Fine. Whatās the prize for this stupid bet, then?ā
The room immediately quieted.
Peter perked up first, licking crisp dust from his fingers like he was preparing for a ritual. James leaned back in his chair, positively beaming.
āA full course meal,ā James said reverently, āat Maison de BÅuf.ā
Remusās entire body froze.
Maison de Beaouf; The cityās most exclusive restaurant, where getting a table required months of planning, and every dish was practically legendary.Ā
The steak alone was enough to make him weak at the kneesāperfectly marbled, melt-in-your-mouth, seared to perfection, and paired with sauces that made even the fanciest meals heād ever had seem pedestrian.
Four monthsā worth of his salary barely secured a reservation, and here it was being dangled in front of him just to spy on you and Regulus.Ā
Risk betraying his friendsā trust, or indulge in the best steak of his life, with wine that practically whispered his name?
He swallowed hard, imagining the first bite. It was impossible to resist.
āConsider me in,ā he muttered,
***
The staff room was already buzzing when you walked in.
The smell of burnt coffee and cheap microwave lunches mingled in the air as the low hum of conversation filled the space. Teachers clustered into their usual groups, some chatting about student essays, others whispering about which parent had caused a scene that morning.Ā
Lily sat perched on the edge of the lounge table, arguing animatedly with James about grading curves, while Sirius and Peter loitered near the snack cupboard like they were casing it for a heist.
You nudged the man walking beside you with your elbow. āDid you pack lunch again?ā
Regulus lifted a sleek, black Tupperware bag like it was something sacred. āAlways do. But Iāll stand in line with you so you donāt look like an idiot eating alone.ā
That, loosely translated from Regulus-speak, meant: Iāll wait with you.
You smiled. āChivalryās alive, apparently.ā
There was a brief pause as you both navigated the narrow path toward the kitchenette, sidestepping the eternal clutter of old mugs and misplaced science equipment.Ā
Eventually, you both settled into a quiet corner of the room as you started rambling about your studentsāhow Harry had stayed late after class to tutor one of the first-years, how Ron had accidentally submitted a blank paper because he thought it was due next week, and how Hermione had cornered you during lunch to ask if she could ārestructure your entire unit plan because itās sub-optimal for student growth.ā
āGod help me, she might be smarter than I am,ā you said, shaking your head fondly.
Regulus, spooning something that looked aggressively healthy out of a glass container, hummed in vague agreement.Ā
To anyone else, he looked disinterestedāaloof, even. But you knew better. His eyes stayed trained on you as you spoke, his jaw tightening or relaxing at the appropriate moments.Ā
Every once in a while, heād mutter a dry remark like, āRonās probably one blank essay away from getting expelled.āā But for the most part, he let you talk, listening quietly the way he always did when you were on a roll.
Contrary to what half the staff assumed, your talkativeness didnāt irritate him. In fact, he liked it.Ā
He liked hearing your voice as you vented about your studentsā antics, liked the way your face lit up when you got passionate about teaching, liked that you always had something new to tell him.Ā
You were, in his words, āone of the few tolerable people in this hellhole.ā And, by Regulus Black standards, that was practically poetry.
What did irritate him, however, was being stared at like a zoo exhibit.
Once he was sure you werenāt looking, Regulus turned his head slightlyājust enough to glare toward the other side of the room, where Sirius, Remus, James, and Peter all sat suddenly very interested in the contents of their tea.Ā
James took a long, suspiciously forced sip from his cup. Sirius squinted hard at a crossword puzzle that was definitely upside down. Peter stuffed an entire cookie in his mouth like it might erase the fact that heād been watching the two of you walk in from the moment the door opened.
Regulus narrowed his eyes.
āShit,ā you muttered beside him, patting your pockets. āI forgot my lunch card again.ā
āShocking,ā Regulus said dryly, already pulling his out of his wallet. āYour memoryās a disgrace to science.ā
He handed the card to the cafeteria staffer and reached over to grab a tray for you before you could argue.Ā
Wordlessly, you took the coat draped over his arm and slung it over your own. Regulus hated letting it touch any surface that might, God forbid, contain coffee spills.
As you both made your way to the table where your friends were clearly still eavesdropping, you leaned in slightly and asked, āAlright, whatās the gossip from your end of the building?ā
You had no idea that your relationship, or lack thereof, was the gossip.
Regulus shrugged, stabbing his fork into a salad. āThe sixth formers are doing fine on their final projects. Their grammarās an abomination, though. Makes you wonder how they even passed Year Eight.ā
You snorted as you unscrewed the lid from your thermos. āSays the guy who stayed up until two last night editing Severusās department report.ā
āThat was different. Heās not a student, heās just stupid.ā
You shot him a look. āYou say that now, but tomorrow youāll be pulling an all-nighter to help those kids revise.ā
āYouāre one to talk,ā he said dryly, nodding toward your planner, which was packed so tight the paper looked like it was suffocating.Ā
āYou scheduled two consultations during lunch and three more after school. Why even bother pretending you eat?ā
āI canāt help it, okay? You know I have a soft spot for the Gryffindors in the accelerated program.ā
Of course he did. Youād told him all about it. It was the first cohort you ever taught when you started here years ago ā bright-eyed, awkward, brilliant messes. You loved them. Regulus wouldn't admit it out loud, but he did too, in his own weird way.
They were the ones who made you love teaching. Back when you were both stuck in that underfunded, fluorescent-lit nightmare of a school across town.Ā
Youād fought tooth and nail to get those kids where they are now, watching them grow into overachieving high school-bound insomniacs.Ā
And yeah, Regulus pretended to be emotionally dead about most things, but when it came to that trio? Even he had a soft spot.
āThat soft spot of yours is making you lose sleep,ā he muttered, poking at his salad again like it had personally wronged him. āIāll take some of your consultations. The little shits deserve a teacher who isnāt running on fumes.ā
Which, loosely translated from Regulus Black, meant: Youāre overworking yourself. Let me help.
You bumped his arm with a grin. āYouāre kind of sweet when youāre insulting.ā
āI know.ā
The conversation paused as you reached the Maraudersā usual table, tucked in the back corner of the staff room beneath a faded "No Students Beyond This Point" sign.Ā
Regulus silently set down your tray before taking a seat beside you, and you handed back his coatāfreshly rescued from an accidental brush with a leaky coffee container in the lunch line.
āHey,ā you greeted, plopping down across from James, who was poking at a half-eaten burrito.Ā
Sirius looked up from where heād been aggressively typing something into his phone, and Peter offered a vague salute with a cookie already halfway to his mouth.
āWhat were you guys on about just now?ā you asked, noting how they'd all looked like they were mid-argument when you walked over.
āOh, nothing,ā James said too quickly. āJustāgrading papers. You know. The thrilling art of evaluating young minds.ā
āMmhm.ā You arched a brow, unconvinced but not interested enough to push. āRight.ā
You and Sirius fell into a heated debate over whether the new horror film on Netflix was revolutionary or garbage while James and Peter debated whether Ron Weasleyās parents actually made him pack sardines for lunch or if he did it out of spite.
Regulus, as usual, stayed mostly silent. That didnāt stop you from casually leaning into his side as you sipped your coffee, or him from absently resting his arm on the back of your chair, fingers brushing your shoulder as if it were muscle memory.Ā
He even wiped a smudge of lipstick from the corner of your mouth with the side of his thumb before returning to his sad excuse of a salad.Ā
James watched it happen like he was witnessing a public proposal.Ā
Something was up.
About ten minutes in, your phone buzzed with a loud ping. You checked the reminder, sighed dramatically, and began packing up your lunch tray. āMeeting in five,ā you grumbled. āOf course.ā
āYou didnāt even finish your coffee,ā Sirius pointed out, mostly because he was eyeing it for himself.
Regulus glanced at the clock, then at your still-half-full tray. He sighed. āIāll take care of your dishes. Iāll get you lunch later.ā
āNo, I canāshitāā You winced as your elbow caught the edge of your chair, sending the cup flying. Coffee splashed across your jacket.
You froze.
Wordlessly, Regulus handed you his neatly folded handkerchief. You dabbed at yourself, grumbling, and he was already mopping up the mess on the table with an air of quiet resignation. Then he reached for the coat draped over his chair and held it out to you.
āWear this.ā
You blinked, then traded jackets without protest. āThanks, Reg.ā
He didnāt flinch when you leaned over and kissed him on the cheek ā just gave a quiet hum and returned to eating, like you hadnāt just casually kissed him in front of three people actively holding in screams.
You waved to the others and disappeared down the hallway.
The second the door closed behind you, the temperature in the staff room shifted like someone had cracked open a conspiracy theory.
Sirius slammed his hands on the table. āAlright. No more games. What the actual hell, Regulus! How long have youāā
āSirius, no, weāve talked about this.ā Remus tries to reason but his pleas fall on deaf ears as he continues.
āHow long have you and Y/N been dating?ā
Ah. So thatās what it was about.
Regulus sighs and continues to chew on his salad. He unenthusiastically stares at his brother yelling at him, swallowing his meal before speaking, āIāve told you before and Iāll tell you again: weāre not.ā
āBullshit!ā He yells. āYou guys are a disgusting old married couple who have two adopted childrenāā
āCats.ā Regulus corrects boredly, but just like everyone else at the table, heās ignored as Sirius continues his tirade.
āāhave matching sweaters, do small bullshit for each other like paying for meals and lending your coats. And for godās sake, she literally just kissed your cheek even though you hate human contact!ā
He finishes his rant, waving his hands dramatically like a conductor mid-orchestra, but Regulus doesnāt even flinch. Sirius ground his teeth, wanting to punch that infuriatingly calm, perfectly composed face so badly he could feel it in his chest.
āThose are normal things normal friends do,ā Regulus said smoothly, as if explaining the most obvious fact in the world. āIām not surprised you wouldnāt know, Sirius.ā
Sirius snorted. āOh, I know what friends do, baby brother. I just donāt usually watch them brush each otherās hair and whisper sweet nothings about shared utilities.ā
Regulus continues. āWe donāt do anything beyond whatās considered friendship.ā Sirius squints his eyes in suspicion.Ā
āDidnāt Y/N move into your apartment?āĀ
āYeah. her landlord was shit.āĀ
āWhat about when Peter caught you having sex in the biology lab?āĀ
āWeāre fuck buddies. And Peter doesnāt know how to knock.āĀ
āSo we could get the better deduction bracket.ā
āYou co-signed on a mortgage!ā
āIt was a good interest rate, Sirius!ā
Sirius threw up his hands. āDamn it, Regulus! You two are either the worldās most tax-savvy roommates or together.ā
***
The staff room had gone quiet after hours, the hum of vending machines and the distant chatter of students in the quad the only remaining signs of life. You sat cross-legged at the front lab table, a thick stack of annotated biology guides spread out around you like an academic shrine.Ā
Across from you sat Harry, Ron, and Hermione, all three looking varying shades of defeated.
Hermione glared at the mitochondria flow chart like it had committed a personal offense. Ron had his head buried in his arms, absently thwacking a pen against his temple, and Harry looked so genuinely confused you were almost certain he was reading it upside down.
You sighed softly, setting your red pen down.Ā āAlright. Be honest. How much of this actually made sense?ā
Harry looked up sheepishly. āBits of it? Maybe? Iām not sure if the ATP thing is real or a prank at this point.ā
āI told you,ā Hermione said, nudging him with her elbow. āYouāre overcomplicating it. The mitochondria justāā
āI swear to God if I hear one more mitochondria metaphor Iām jumping out the window!ā Ron groaned.
You rubbed your temples. āOkay, okay. Pause. Let's try a different approachāā
There was a knock at the staff room door, sharp and deliberate.
You turned your head. āItās open!ā
The door creaked open just enough for Regulus Black to slip through, dressed in his usual sleek all-black attire and somehow managing to look both exhausted and effortlessly put together. He held up a paper bag without saying a word.
āLet me guess. You brought me food because I forgot to eat again.ā
āObviously,ā he said flatly, crossing the room with casual grace. āI know that face. Thatās your āIāve only had coffee for six hoursā face.ā
You took the bag gratefully. āThank you, Reggie.ā
Regulus leaned down beside you to glance at the study guide, his eyes scanning over the diagrams. āBloody hell. No wonder Potter looks like he's spiraling. This layoutās criminal.ā
āHey!ā Harry said.
āSorry,ā Regulus added, not sounding remotely sorry. āJust calling it like I see it.ā
Hermione sat up straighter. āSo, you teach bio now too?ā
āI dabble,ā he said, grabbing a pen from your pile and making a small correction on the diagram. āAnd Iām excellent at rescuing hopeless causes.ā
āAgain, rude,ā Ron muttered.
You chuckled and opened the paper bag, inhaling gratefully. āWhat is this?ā
āPasta and a brownie.ā
āOh my God, I love you,ā you said automatically, already digging in.
āI know.ā
The students made a collective gagging noise.
āSeriously?ā Ron complained. āCan we not get third-wheeled by our teachers?ā
You covered your smile behind a forkful of pasta. āOkay, okay. I think thatās enough tutoring for today.ā
The trio began packing up their things with varying levels of enthusiasm.
You leaned over to hand Regulus the keys to your car. āYou go wait outside. Iāll just lock up when Iām done.ā
āIāll wait in the hall,ā he said, brushing a hand lightly across your shoulder as he left.
You begin tidying up. āAlright, weāll go over chaptersāā
āAre you and Professor Black dating?ā Ron blurts, earning an elbow from Hermione and a pointed look from Harry.
You laugh. āNo, Ron. Weāre not.ā
He squints. āAre you sure?ā
You arch a brow. āWhatās with that look?ā
Ron shrugs. āI dunno. You should date himāow!ā He winces as Harry smacks him and Hermione hisses his name like a warning.
You pause, amused. āAlright, why exactly should I?ā
The trio exchange glances, clearly daring each other. You're halfway through stacking your notes whenā
āHeās different around you,ā Hermione says simply.
You blink, then nod, keeping your tone light. āDuly noted. Now off you goādonāt pretend you donāt have things to be at.ā
They laugh, gathering their things. You see them out, switching off the lights as you leave.
Outside, a warm hand finds the small of your back. You donāt have to look to know itās him. You just smile.
āHey,ā Regulus says, voice low and warm.
āHey,ā you echo. āYou ready to go?ā
He nods once. āYeah.ā
āWanna share my dinner when we get back?ā
āā¦yeah.ā
Fingers interlace like itās second nature. You walk down the corridor together, quiet but not silentājust comfortably still.
From a far corner behind the stairwell, three students linger just out of sight, watching with wide eyes.
Harry leaned toward the others and whispered, āTheyāre so dating.ā
Hermione and Ron nodded in unison.
***
Something was definitely off.
Remus Lupin had known you and Regulus Black long enough to recognize the signs. A decade of friendship made certain things obviousāand today, everything about the two of you was a glowing red flag.
Regulus hadnāt opened your car door that morning, which he normally insisted on doing with that silently smug gentleman routine of his. He didnāt make you coffee or steal your thermos or even throw a snide comment your way before the first bell.Ā
Instead, he made a beeline for his classroom like he couldnāt get away from you fast enough. You, on the other hand, hadnāt so much as looked in his direction, much less made your usual sarcastic morning toast in the staff lounge.
And most telling of all?
Neither of you wore your little matching gold ringsāthe ones youād been pretending for months were totally not couple rings, even though the whole school knew better.
Yeah. Something was definitely wrong.
The faculty lounge was unusually quiet. Most of the staff had gone home, save for James, Sirius, and Peterāand of course, the two of youāsitting at opposite ends of the lounge, visibly ignoring each other while packing your things.
"Pssst."
James leaned slightly as Sirius whispered from the couch, his voice lowered like a student caught gossiping during class. Peter leaned in too, already wide-eyed and chewing the corner of a biscuit like it was gossip fuel.
āWhat the hell happened to them?ā Sirius muttered, nodding toward you and Regulus like you were two characters in a soap opera he couldnāt wait to narrate. āThey havenāt said a word all day. Are they getting divorced?ā
āTheyāre not married,ā Peter reminded them, not looking up from his crossword.
āThey basically are,ā Sirius argued. āHave you seen the way they bicker? Thatās married behavior.ā
James gave a half-shrug. āNo idea what happened, but itās bad. Regulus skipped making her tea this morning.ā
Peter gasps. āHe never skips the tea.ā
āI heard Pandora asked him out yesterday and now Y/Nās jealous,ā Sirius said.
James scoffed. āSheās not the jealous type. Pandoraās in the betting pool anyway, she wants them together.ā
āIām in the pool and I donāt think theyāll ever admit it,ā Peter chimed in, mouth full. āAnd Pandora looks at Regulus the way he looks at Y/N.ā
āWith a constant look of dread?ā Sirius offered.
āWith quiet, tortured longing,ā Peter corrected.
A very pointed throat-clear cut through the room like a warning shot.
The three Marauders turned and froze.
Regulus stood at the end of the table, arms crossed, jaw clenched in that very specific āRegulus is seconds from homicideā kind of way. You were beside him, mirroring the same exact energy.
āIf youāre going to dissect our private lives,ā you said, voice dry, āat least wait until weāve left the bloody room.ā
āWe werenātāā Sirius started, but Regulus cut him off coldly.
āWe heard everything. So? Out with it before I decide to file an official complaint just to ruin your day.ā
James stood up with a sigh. āLook, weāre just worried. You two havenāt spoken all day. Itās unnatural. Itās giving end-of-the-world vibes.ā
You exhaled hard. āItās not that we donāt appreciate the concernāā
āāitās just none of your goddamn business!ā Regulus interrupted.
You immediately shot him a look. āDo not start with me right now.ā
āOh, Iām sorry, I didnāt realise I wasnāt allowed to point out blatant dishonesty.ā
āOh, shove it, Regulus.ā
Sirius, Peter, and James watched in near-awe as the argument snowballedāloud, fast, and deeply personal. Words like ābetrayal,ā āmanipulative,ā āpetty,ā and āpathological obsessionā were flung back and forth like curses in a duel.
Remus finally snapped.
āEnough!ā
Both of you turned toward him with matching expressions; wide-eyed and guilty.
āWe are adults,ā Remus said, firm but tired. āAnd I refuse to let you two scream at each other over what I hope is a misunderstanding and not, like, actual divorce activity.ā
He crossed his arms. āSo. What are you fighting about?ā
āShe started it!ā
āHe started it!ā
The answer came in unison. Remus closed his eyes like he was preparing for death.
āNot what I asked.ā
Regulus sighed through his teeth. āShe wants emerald green curtains in the study.ā
āI think theyād add warmth,ā you said, crossing your arms. āItās too cold in there.ā
āThe walls are blue. Blue, amour. Itāll look like a rainbow exploded.ā
āYouāre being dramatic!ā
āAnd youāre trying to ruin the aesthetic of our entire house!ā Regulus snapped.
āWell, maybe your taste is the problem,ā you shot back, crossing your arms.
Regulus gave you a look, deadpan as ever. āHow am I supposed to marry someone who thinks emerald green curtains actually go with blue walls?ā
Peterās biscuit hit the table.
James froze. āā¦Marry?ā
Sirius straight-up choked on his coffee. āYouāre getting married?!āĀ and the two of you look at him in confusion, fight suddenly forgotten.
āYeah, next week.ā You reply wearily. āWe emailed you the invites.ā
Peter was pale. āWas that not a prank email?ā
If Remus thought your bickering was loud, then Siriusās squeal was even louder as he suddenly lunged at you both, wrapping you in a tight hug and shouting, āI knew it! I bloody knew it! Youāre definitely together!ā
Regulus rolled his eyes. āDonāt be silly, Sirius, itās just for tax reasons. The bank wonāt approve our loan for the new house unless weāre marriedāsomething about avoiding tax fraud.ā
āHouse?ā James asked. āDonāt you already live together?ā
You nodded. āYeah, but we figured the kidsāā
āCats,ā Regulus corrected.
āāneed a yard to run around in. Our apartmentās getting way too small for the four of us.ā
The Marauders were practically buzzing, faces lit up with excitement. Sirius threw his hands in the air and shouted, āMy brotherās getting married! My brother, can you believe it?!ā
James grinned, clapping Sirius on the back, and Remus laughed softly, eyes twinkling with amusement. Peter was just trying to keep up with their energy when suddenly, from across the hall, Barty overheard the commotion.
āWait, really?!ā Barty gasped, eyes wide and sparkling. āRegulus, youāre getting married? This is monumental! We must plan this properly! Whereās the champagne? The fireworks? The lab can be the reception hall! Iāll make a potion for the perfect celebration!ā
Sirius grinned like a proud older brother. āI knew youād come around, Barty! This is gonna be the wedding of the century.ā
Regulus glanced at you, voice low and a bit reluctant. āAre we really sure we have to invite those two?ā
You gave his hand a soft squeeze, a faint, amused smile playing at your lips. āYes. We have to. Wouldnāt be a proper Black wedding without them stirring the pot.ā
He sighed but the corner of his mouth twitched upward. āI suppose youāre right. The chaos is inevitable.ā
You were still smiling when your fingers laced more tightly with his, a quiet comfort exchanged in the gesture.
Thatās when Remus, who had been observing silently, raised a brow with a slow grin as he motioned to your joined hands. āWait a bloody secondāif youāre not breaking up anytime soon, where are your rings?ā
Regulus shot Remus a pointed look as he reminded him. āWeāre not together, Lupin.ā
You jumped in, smiling, āThe rings are still at the jewelerās, weāre getting them engraved with our initials.ā
The words had barely left your mouth when Sirius let out a loud gasp of delight.
āIām claiming best man already! Barty, youāre on potion and fireworks duty. This weddingās going to be legendary.ā
Barty practically vibrated with excitement, already rambling about color palettes and pyrotechnic charms.
Remus, ever the voice of reason, held up his hands, trying to calm the storm of excitement brewing between Sirius and Barty. āAlright, alright, guys, maybe dial it down a notch?ā
Sirius gave him a mock glare. āDonāt ruin this for me, Lupin. Iāve got a wedding to plan, and Bartyās already spread the word.ā
Barty, buzzing with energy, was already on the move. āI told the arts department! Lilyās now officially responsible for painting a live portrait of you two at the ceremony. Itāll be a masterpiece, I promise!ā
Regulus raised an eyebrow, voice cool but amused. āDonāt get ahead of yourself, junior. There isnāt going to be a ceremony. Weāre just going to the courthouse to get our marriage license. Thatās it.ā
The room fell silent for a moment, the excitement dimming like someone flipped a switch. Then the group burst into knowing laughter, everyone shushing Regulus with playful grins.
Just as the crowd began to disperse, you called out softly, āHey, Remus?ā
He turned, attentive. āYeah?ā
You leaned in, lowering your voice just enough to make it feel like a secret. āWe want you to be the witness. Also⦠one of the groomsmen.ā
For a split second, Remus blinked. Then his features melted into something soft and warm, the kind of smile that made you wonder how anyone ever called him stern.
āYeah, sure,ā he said quietly. āYou got it, Mr. and Mrs. Black.ā
Regulusās hand found yours almost instinctively. He didnāt say anything, he never did when it wasnāt needed, but the small smile he gave was one of quiet victory, something settled and certain.
Without waiting for a response, he tugged gently, and you followed. The chatter of your friends blurred into the background as the two of you slipped out of the faculty lounge and into the stillness of the hallway.Ā
Behind you, Siriusās laughter rang out, and Barty was already talking about firework safety regulations like they were mere suggestions.
Remus watched the two of you go, still smiling.
Yeah, he loved being an English teacher hereāhe really did. But he loved this even more: being surrounded by chaotic friends, planning a wedding for two people who were totally not in love (and totally were).
His hands stayed in his pockets, fingers brushing a small velvet box he hadnāt quite found the courage to pull out yet. Across the room, Sirius was deep in debate with James and Barty over centerpiece colors, animated and shining with the kind of joy that made Remus want to marry him twice over.
With all this wedding talk, maybe it wouldnāt be long before another Black was getting married.
Out in the hallway, your fingers laced easily with Regulusās, your steps falling in sync like muscle memory.
āSoā¦ā you begin, squeezing his hand with a warm smile. āDo you think theyāre catching on?ā
Regulus lets out a rare, soft smile, his eyes meeting yours with something gentle. āNo. Theyāre too clueless to realize weāre actually together. Theyāll believe whatever nonsense we tell them.ā
āAlright, but remind me againāwhy are we still pretending weāre not together, especially when weāre actually getting married next week?ā
He lifts your hand to his lips, kissing your knuckles tenderly before resting his other hand on the small of your back.
āDoes it bother you that they donāt know?ā he asks.
You hum thoughtfully. āNot at all. Itās honestly pretty entertaining.ā You laugh lightly. āBut why do you want to keep it a secret?ā
He shrugs, pulling you closer. āThatās what they get for placing stupid bets on us. Besides, I donāt want anyone winning that full-course meal at Maison de Beaouf.ā
You chuckle. āLittle do they know, the weddingās catered by Maison de Beaouf.ā
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professional princess - percy jackson x fem!reader
wc: 2986
summary: you meet percy while dressed as elsa at your job, and both he and his little sister are enamoured with you
me: birthday fic 2! also yes this is very heavily inspired by my own job as a party princess - i don't get cute boys coming in though unfortunately :( implied book!percy but can be read as either
āāāā āā ā āāāā
You loved your job. Despite the mediocre pay, it was one of the rare instances of having a job you really, truly enjoyed.
Being a princess was every kidās dream, and as you grew up, it became your reality. Kind of. You were a kids' party host at one of those venues that run games and serve snacks for an hour and a half to make magical memories. Almost every weekend, you dressed up in whatever themed costume the party required, painting on a smile to greet kids and ensure their birthdays went perfectly.
Princesses were by far the most popular themes, though youād done some ridiculous ones in the past: unicorns, Paw Patrol characters, even a minion (perhaps your lowest moment). The most common by far, though, was Frozen. Almost every weekend without failure, youād have to don the Anna or Elsa costumes, praying your boss had washed them throughout the week.
This particular weekend was no different, and there you were applying purple eyeshadow for a 3pm party as everyoneās favourite ice princess.
Youād just turned on your work playlist ā a clean playlist made mostly of Disney songs and Taylor Swift to be acceptable to the general public ā when the birthday girl and her parents walked through the door. Your human brain switched off, Elsa taking over as you went about your party duties, ensuring everything would go off without a hitch.
You looked up from your work to check on your co-worker playing Anna, when the hottest man youād ever seen in your life walked through the door. Unruly dark hair sat on top of sharp features and intense eyes. His expression was stony and unreadable until he looked down at a little girl, though from your angle, you could only see her tiny hand holding his, when his whole face lit up as he smiled at her.
Shit, you thought. You hated it when people your age came into the venue, you got self-conscious at the thought of embarrassing yourself with the over-the-top persona and dancing.
It was easy to play the character with the kids, who didnāt know better, and the parents, who were just happy you were occupying their children. People your age had a way of seeing through it all to the insecure college student underneath. And when they were hot, too? You were done for.
About halfway through the line, a little girl with messy hair came and sat in front of you.
āHi, princess! What would you like for your face paint today?ā You asked, leaning in to hear her.
āCan I be a dolphin?ā She asked, and you couldnāt contain your startled laugh.
āOf course! What about I do one up the side of your face?ā
You got to work, bringing out the blues and silvers to make Estelle, as she introduced herself, her perfect dolphin face paint.
āAre dolphins your favourite animal?ā You asked, biting your lip as you concentrated.
āYep, ācoz my brother talks to them and theyāre so funny,ā She babbled as you laughed, nodding along in the way you do with kids.
āHow old is your brother, honey? He must be pretty special if he can talk to dolphins.ā
āHeās twenty-one. And heās got heaps of other powers! Heās basically a mermaid ā merman.ā
āOh wow,ā You said, unsure of what else to reply with. Little kids did this all the time, told you things that didnāt quite make sense. Usually, you could figure it out a little bit better if the kids were both young, but a twenty-one-year-old pretending to talk to dolphins for his little sister was rarer. You would have killed for a sibling like that when you were a child.
You were just finishing up Estelleās face paint, adding glitter and tiny painted bubbles, when she started squirming, face breaking out in a grin.
āPercy!ā She beamed, hand outstretched. Behind her, the dark storm cloud of a man approached. Up close, you could see his clothes, baggy jeans, beat-up vans, and an oversized shirt adorned with cyber sigilism. He looked drastically out of place in a kids' party venue, but you far from minded him being there.
āWhatāve you got there?ā He laughed as he saw the dolphin gracing her cheek and forehead.
āWe heard that you can talk to dolphins,ā You put in with a smile. You watched him startle for a moment, mouth moving with no sound emerging. Then he schooled his features and put on an amused grin.
āEstelle,ā He scolded, āI told you not to tell people about my superpowers.ā Estelle just giggled, using Percy as a stepping stool to get off the chair.
āSay thank you to Elsa.ā He encouraged, and his little sister copied him, waving as she made room for the next kid to get their face painted.
Ten minutes later, and you were really starting the party, kneeling in front of a crowd of little four-year-olds.
āHello everyone!ā Your voice went up in pitch, waving to the excited children surrounding you. āIām Elsa, and this is my sister Anna, and we are so excited to have you all here to celebrate a very important day today, does anyone know what weāre celebrating?ā
The kids all shouted out the name of the birthday girl and you nodded enthusiastically. āThatās right!ā You said, āAnd how old is Princess Isabel? Five million?ā Raucous laughter ensued, āNo, of course not. Five hundred.ā You went down and down until you got to five, and the gaggle of kids finally agreed with you, already falling in love with your persona.
āNow, I heard that you guys are really good at magic. Do you wanna do a trick with me?ā You asked like it was a secret, beaming when the kids all agreed with you.
āMy brother can do magic tricks!ā Estelle yelled, and all the parents milling around the room aww-ed. You looked up at where Percy was sitting, looking like he desperately wanted to sink into himself. You made eye contact with him for a single moment, containing your laughter at his panic.
āThatās awesome!ā You tried to think of a way to go back to your original topic, but decided that they were five and wouldnāt be overly impressed with smooth segues. You picked up your magic colouring book.
Estelle proved to be a highlight of the party, a glowing beacon of light in the midst of uptight rich New York kids. She clearly took to you too, following your every instruction and hovering around you as close as possible. You obviously didnāt mind, but you couldnāt help the cursory glances over to Percy to check that he thought it was alright.
āAlright,ā He heaved, forcibly lifting Estelle away from you as you danced through musical statues, āRemember itās not actually your birthday, kay?ā
You just laughed, continuing to dance your kid friendly moves.
āItās really alright,ā You said, voice smooth. āSheās darling.ā
āStill, Estelle loves to be the centre of attention. Product of having my friends spoiling her all the time.ā
āHow could you not?ā You found yourself blushing, though the conversation hardly warranted it. It was just something about Percyās demeanour, the way he was clearly so smitten with his sister despite his intimidating exterior.
You vaguely clocked Anna leading the kids over for food and jumped, sending Percy an awkward smile as you hurried over. God, one hot boy shows up to work and youāre done for.
Estelle again showed her blatant superiority. She was the only child to say please and thank you as you served her party snacks and watered-down cordial.
Percy had backed off for the moment, making clearly painful small talk with one of the other mums and her teenage daughter. She was obviously mooning over him, and you hated that your chest twinged with jealousy. Youād only just met him ā as Elsa, no less. He was in no way yours.
He politely removed himself, and you watched him duck outside. You wished heād returned as soon as he left, the loss of an ally noticeable in a room of Upper East Side parents.
You continued anyway, serving out sausage rolls with shitty tongs to unappreciative children. In your prep room, surrounded by costumes and plates of food, you sighed. You loved your job, you truly did, but it was exhausting. Still, kids like Estelle made it all worth it. Even when you rushed back to your shitty little apartment and crammed your readings for the next day.
You left the kids to eat for a bit, hopping about the venue to complete some admin tasks and clean up a bit. You jumped when you saw Estelle out of the corner of your eye, hovering just next to your skirt.
āHey, lovely! Are you finished eating?ā You asked with a smile, tidying away some of the face paints sitting on the vanity table. Estelle nodded, examining the brushes in front of her.
āHow do your ice powers work?ā She asked, running her hands over the gems stuck onto your costume. ā'Coz my brother moves the water, and he says he got his powers from his dad. I donāt know him, but I want powers too.ā
āOh wow,ā You said, trying to figure out where Estelle got that fact from. You could usually figure out where kids got their far-fetched stories from, but superpowers werenāt too common to hear about.
āEstelle!ā Percy came running, picking her up to hold her up at his waist, āI told you my superpowers were a big secret!ā He whispered dramatically, covering her mouth with a huge hand. Then, to you, he said āIām, uh, Iām a college swimmer. My family jokes that I can āmove waterā and she takes it a bit literally.ā
You nodded in understanding, amusement clear on your features.
You were running a terrible game of limbo a few minutes later. The kids were having fun, which was all that really mattered, but god were they bad at it. You couldnāt help giggling as they went forwards and backwards under the decorated limbo stick.
It happened without you noticing it. One kid tumbled in front of you, not hurt but cartoonishly clumsy in movement. And before you could control your own movements, you were looking up at Percy to share the moment, finding him already looking at you. You averted your eyes first, cheeks hot under his intense gaze.
āAlright, everyone, I think thereās one more thing we havenāt done at our party yetā¦ā You beamed as the kids all yelled out the answer: cake, of course.
After every kid had been served their slice of cake, you served the remainder to the adults still waiting around. It was the venueās policy, trying to reduce waste and all that. Usually, it was awkward, interrupting their small talk about whose child was more of a prodigy, but today, you really didnāt mind.
You suffered through being ignored, adults taking slices of cake off the platter you presented without giving you a second look. Then you got to Percy. Hidden away in a corner, absentmindedly spinning the wheels on his skateboard as he waited for the party to end.
āCake?ā You offered, holding the plate out towards him. Percy shook his head, smiling politely as he declined.
āYou sure? Looks good. Personally, Iām hoping thereāll be a slice left for me after my shift.ā You broke character, knowing it was just him around ā Anna was dealing with the kids. It definitely wasnāt technically allowed for party hosts to be eating birthday cake, but what were you going to do? Give the family back a single slice of cake?
āWell,ā Percy released a short laugh, āAll the more reason for me to say no; we donāt want you missing out.ā You shook your head, charmed by Percy.
āAlright, suit yourself, Iāll be enjoying this later, and youāll be cake-less.ā You really shouldnāt have been flirting on the clock, but itās not like Percy wasnāt into it, looking down at you with green eyes gleaming.
āElsa, you should marry my brother.ā Estelle popped up behind your skirt, and both of you jumped, expecting her to still be eating cake with her friends.
āHoney, I donātāā
āNo, it makes sense! Percy has superpowers; you have superpowers. And youāre really pretty. My mommy would love you.ā
You and Percy just looked at each other, panic evident between you.
āI live in Arendelle with my sister Anna." You saved the day, āI donāt think sheād be very happy if I got married and had to move to New York.ā
āOh,ā Estelle said, looking at her shoes, āOkay.ā
āBut maybe Elsa could come visit sometime?ā Percy suggested in a rush, and you were fairly certain it was because he couldnāt stand the sight of his little sister upset, but you werenāt at all disappointed by it.
āYeah,ā You smiled, āYeah, I think that would be alright.ā
Percy opened his mouth to say something, but you were called away by your coworker to end the party, helping kids find lost belongings and taking photos for parents.
You beamed when Estelle approached you, dragging Percy behind her with an embarrassed smile. You agreed easily when they asked for a photo, kneeling next to Estelle as Percy fished his cellphone out of his back jeans pocket.
āBye! I love you, Elsa.ā She waved happily as Percy led her away, clearly telling her off lightheartedly.
You watched them go before tending to the rest of your job, grabbing the broom to start picking up spilled pieces of popcorn and chips as the final few stragglers made their way out of the venue.
The second the venue was empty, you locked the door, pulling off your wig and massaging your temples. A few hours in it always gave you a headache, plus you knew your costume was starting to stink after sweating and dancing in it all day.
Half an hour later, you were finally clocking out. Back in street clothes with fresh deodorant, you felt much more like a real person again, excited to crash at home and have a fat nap.
Shaking out your hair so it wasnāt so flattened from the wig cap, you fished for your keys in your tote bag, ready to lock up behind you.
āHey,ā A voice from behind called out to you as you set off for the subway. Percy, pushing himself off the wall next to your shop, eyes widening slightly as he took you in without the costume and makeup. You hoped that was a good thing.
āHi!ā It came out a bit more enthusiastic than you would have liked, wishing you could be as cool as he appeared.
āEstelle really loved you today. I just wanted to say thank you, you know, for making her day.ā
āOh, itās no problem. Honestly, she made my day. Sheās such a good kid. Uh, where is she?ā
āSheās drinking a milkshake inside, sheās all good.ā
āRightā¦ā You nodded slowly, fiddling with the keys still in your hands, āSo you just came out here alone to thank me for being good at my job?ā
āUh, yeah. That and, um, I was wondering if I could maybe get your number?ā Percyās nervousness was contrary to his outward appearance, which almost made it sweeter, both of you awkward in the middle of the path.
āYeah! Yeah, totally.ā You fumbled around in your bag for a pen and paper, to no avail.
Percy patted his jeans, pulling out an unassuming blue ballpoint pen. You wouldnāt have pegged him as the type to carry around stationery. You took it from him, electricity jolting as your fingers brushed.
He eyed it skeptically as you uncapped it, almost disbelieving its utility. You made a note to ask about it later. On a date, perhaps. You scribbled down your number on his wrist, trying not to focus on the intimacy of you holding his arm.
āThanks,ā He finally said as you both pulled away, looking anywhere but at each other.
āYouāre welcome,ā You laughed, āJust for Estelleās sake, though. Obviously.ā
āObviously,ā He teased, crooked grin on full display, āI think sheād kill me if I didnāt at least try to shoot my shot with Elsa.ā
āConsider me charmed.ā You bit your lip to control your smile, looking up at Percy as he rubbed the back of his neck, glancing back at where Estelle sat, drinking a strawberry milkshake with both hands.
He summoned her, smiling softly as she came waddling out of the cafe.
āIāll let you go,ā He said, picking up Estelle to sit her on his hip, kicking his skateboard out in front of him. āIt was really nice to meet you.ā
āYeah, you too, Percy. Hope I see you soon.ā
You watched him go, carrying Estelle as he skated off around a block. You couldnāt stop smiling as you walked to the subway station, Percyās intense eyes burned into your brain.
synopsis: you take a job meant to be temporaryākeeping company with regulus black, the closed-off heir tangled in a war he pretends not to care about. but behind sharp words and cold silences is a boy aching to be seen. and slowly, without meaning to, you become the one thing he didnāt plan for.
āor in which regulus survives the cave but not without a cost.
warnings: motional distress, depression, suicidal thoughts, paralysis, physical suffering, family conflict, trauma, mentions of death, death, so much vulnerability, caretaker dynamics, terminal illness, war themes, references to dark magic, allusions to torture, PTSD, ableism, yearning, heartbreak, a crazy amount of crying and begging, two little fucks being absolutely in love but one of them is 'selfish'.
w/c: 5.6k
a/n: thoughts? <3
part one part two masterlist
The night folded gently into dawn, the soft light of morning stealing quietly across the windows of Grimmauld Place.
Outside, the world went on with its hurried pace, but inside, a fragile stillness lingered ā a sacred space cradled by music and the muted beat of two hearts learning to find their rhythm in tandem.Ā
The pianoās lilac glow seemed to linger in the air, a quiet witness to a night that would long be etched into memory.
Days passed, then weeks, and soon five months had woven themselves seamlessly into the fabric of your life. Five months since you had stepped into this worldāthis strange, shadowed sanctuaryāand taken on a job that had promised little but slowly gave you everything.
In that time, your world had shifted with a subtle but unstoppable force, reshaped by quiet moments shared beneath whispered conversations and soft notes that floated from your fingers. The secret outings with Regulus became your cherished escape, stolen fragments of joy amidst the weight of everything else. And when he was not there beside you, you found him waiting silently outside your door, watching you play your songs, a shadow of quiet devotion that filled the empty corners of the room.
Everything had changed between you both ā the balance of care shifting like the tide. Now you worried for him more than you did for yourself, your eyes scanning every crowded corner of your world to find him.Ā
He became the first thought that touched your mind when sleep came and the last one when you awoke. Regulus Black had slipped into every crevice of your days and nights, every breath you took, every beat of your heart.
The idea of a moment without him was impossible to fathom. You had grown to crave the small, tender fragments of time spent togetherāeven those unbearable moments when his scars flared with cruel fury, when pain wracked his body and tears streamed down his cheeks in helpless agony.Ā
During those times, your soul ached fiercely, wishing to tear away your own flesh and offer it to him as a balm. You wished with desperate longing that you could control the world itself, bend it to your will, and give him everything he deserved ā everything he had ever been denied.
Because Regulus Black was nothing like the cold, spoiled, or distant boy the world often painted him to be.Ā
He was brilliantāso achingly, maddeningly intelligent that it both frustrated and fascinated you. His grumpiness was a carefully crafted shield, a tempestuous fire he wielded when the world pressed too hard, yet beneath it all, he was endlessly charming in ways that caught you off guard, making your heart stutter with every rare, genuine smile.
He was a tapestry of colors, so rich and vibrant it astonished you how, when you first stepped into this house, you had seen only shades of grey.Ā
For all the hues you knew and stitched into your own world, Regulus was the most vivid one ā the living, breathing masterpiece you never expected to find in such a shadowed place.
And in the quiet moments, when the world slowed and only the two of you remained, you understood that he was more than just a person in your life.Ā
He was the pulse beneath your skin, the melody that made your heart sing, the color that painted your once monochrome days into something breathtakingly alive.
The fragile rhythm you had come to know ā the stolen laughter, the quiet tenderness, the secret smiles shared beneath the soft glow of lilac lamplight ā began to fracture beneath the weight of a harsher truth.Ā
Because not everything lasts. Not every bond remains unbroken, not every secret is safe beneath the layers we carefully weave. The people we learn to love, the hearts we grow to trust, sometimes carry shadows we cannot see until they crash suddenly into the light.
It was in the sharp, shattering moment of a scream that everything changed.
You had been roused abruptly from a restless sleep by the sound ā raw, furious, tearing through the stillness like a storm unleashed.Ā
Voices clashed violently, furious and unyielding. The voice of a man, deep and edged with rage, thundered through the house, shaking the walls and stirring something cold and dreadful in your chest.
The rage in the voice was unlike anything youād ever heard ā fierce, raw, full of betrayal and pain.
Then another voice, sharp and cutting, like ice breaking. āYou think Iām wrong? You think my son is some hero? He is a disgrace! A shame to this family! I will not allow him to be seen as weak in the eyes of the Dark Lord! Weakness will be destroyed!ā
Dark Lord? The words sent a shock through your veins. What war was she speaking of? What weakness? You swallowed hard.
A new voice erupted, louder, desperate, furious. āDisgrace? Disgrace? You call Regulus a disgrace after everything heās done? After he tried to destroy the Horcruxes? You hid it from me! You kept me in the dark all this time! I came back ā a year after everything ā to find my brother paralyzed, confined to a wheelchair! And you never told me why? You never told me what he did, what he risked! How could you, mother?ā
The manās voice cracked with rage and heartbreak. āYou let him suffer alone. You let him be silenced! You refused to let anyone know the truth because you cared more about appearances than your own son! How could you?ā
Your breath caught. Regulus. The name echoed in your mind with heavy, urgent weight. You pressed your hands tighter against the doorframe. Confined? What had happened to him?
Walburgaās voice rose, venomous and cold. āBecause he is a disgrace! The Dark Lord demands loyalty, absolute loyalty! He cannot be seen as a traitor! The war is coming, and I will not have my familyās name sullied by his failures and rebellion. If he wants to destroy Horcruxes, if he wants to die for his foolish cause, that is his choice. But he will not disgrace the Blacks any longer.ā
āNo!ā Siriusās voice broke through like a blade.Ā
āHe is not a failure! He is not weak! Destroying those Horcruxes was the bravest thing any of us could have done. You are the one who has failed him! You are the one who turned your back! You hid his sacrifice, kept him a prisoner in this house, chained by your fear and hatred! Do you even realize what youāve done?ā
There was a long, venomous pause. Then Walburga hissed, āI did what was necessary to protect this family. You, Sirius, have always been the black sheep. You brought shame upon us all. And now you come back demanding answers about Regulus? You think your little brother would have survived your reckless choices? He paid the price for your mistakes! You left and disgraced us at sixteen, I will not have both of my sons be a shame!ā
āI am no disgrace!ā Sirius shouted. āRegulus is no disgrace! And I am here to tell you, you were the disgrace. You let your fear rule you instead of love. You let him suffer because you could not accept what he believed in! You tore this family apart with your silence and cruelty! And now you dare to call him weak?ā
The furious exchange went on, words flying like daggers, each sentence heavier and sharper than the last. You could feel the pounding of their voices through the walls, like a brutal war inside the house itself.
The shouting only grew louder, more urgent, as Siriusās fury boiled over like a storm unleashed.Ā
āHeās going to do it,ā Sirius spat through clenched teeth, voice trembling with disbelief and rage. āIn just a few weeks, heās going to do it. Do you even understand what that means? Your sonāyour goddamn sonāis planning to end his own life. You knew this. Youāve known for months and youāve done nothing!ā
The words hit you like a blow, a sudden sharp crack in the air. You blinked, heart pounding wildly. What was Sirius talking about? What did he mean? Your mind spun, struggling to grasp the meaning buried beneath the furious shouts.
Walburgaās voice dropped to a chilling whisper, barely audible but cutting deep like ice. āI cannot do anything, Sirius. He has been suffering for months, and this is his choice. I have arranged for countless caretakers. Only one lasted. But he will not change his mind.ā
Siriusās scream shattered the silence, raw and painful beyond anything youād ever heard. āWhat do you mean he wonāt change his mind? Your son is going to end his life! Heās been telling you this for monthsātelling youāand you just... you donāt give a damn! You stand there, cold and indifferent, while he falls apart!ā
The fury echoed like thunder, words crashing into the walls and blurring around you. Your head swam. The anger and pain in Siriusās voice drowned everything else out. You felt dizzy, breath caught somewhere between shock and disbelief.
Regulus? End his life? The thought was unthinkable, unbearable. How could this be true? Your heart thudded painfully, pounding so loud you thought it might break free.
Suddenly, you spun around, drawn by a silent, heavy presence.Ā
There he was. Regulus, sitting quietly in his wheelchair just inside the doorway, eyes wide, shocked to find you standing there, hearing everything.
For a long moment, no one spoke. You stared at him, searching his face for answers, for a sign of hope. For anything to deny the truth of what you heard.
āRegulus,ā you whispered, voice barely trembling. āIs it true?ā
He said nothing. His silence was a weight heavier than words. Tears welled up in his eyes, shimmering in the dim light like fragile droplets of sorrow.
You turned away, your legs numb, moving toward your room without another word.Ā
Your body burns with fury so fierce it feels like it might tear you apart from the inside out. Every word you heardāthe screaming, the bitter accusations, the cold silenceātwists like a jagged blade in your chest.Ā
How could he? How could he bury all this in shadows, drag you into his chaos without so much as a warning? You trusted him. You believed in something real, something honest. And this? This is a betrayal that cuts deeper than any wound.
Your tears donāt fall gentlyāthey scorch your skin as they stream down, wild and unstoppable. You stumble toward your room, desperate to escape, but then his voice trails behind you, desperate, pleading, breaking through the storm inside your head.
āY/n, waitāplease. Donāt turn away from me. Iām begging you. You donāt understand, itās not what you think. I never wanted you to see this side of meāā
But youāre done listening. Done pretending.Ā
You keep walking, each step heavy with betrayal, with rage. Then, as the voices fade into nothing, you stop, whip around, and your scream explodes, raw and vicious.
āI wish I never took this goddamn job! I wish I never set foot in this nightmare! You think you can carry all your pain alone and drag me down with you? You think itās okay to keep me in the dark, to make me nothing but a secret? Youāre the most selfish, cruel person I have ever known, Black!ā
Your voice shakes with fury as tears pour from your eyes like a flood unleashed. āHow could you do this to me? How could you let me believe I was something more when I was just a shadow in your broken world? I trusted you with everything and youāā your words crack and shatter, āYou didnāt even give me the goddamn chance.ā
Your heart pounds loud enough to drown out everything else, your breath ragged with pain and anger and disbelief. The betrayal cuts so deep it burns your very soul, and all you want is to scream until thereās nothing left.
You slam the bedroom door shut behind you, the sharp echo resonating through the cold, empty hall. The heavy wood presses against your back as you collapse to the floor, sliding down slowly until you are crumpled in a heap, your breath trembling with sobs that wrack your body mercilessly.Ā
Your hands clutch at your knees, as if holding yourself together will keep you from shattering completely. But the pieces of your world are already splintered and scattered beyond repair.
How could this be? The man you thought you knewāthe one whose scars you traced with trembling fingers, whose pain you promised to carry with himāhad hidden everything. Every secret, every darkness.Ā
Regulus Black, brilliant and broken, tangled in shadows you never dreamed existed. You remember the way his eyes flickered with something far too deep to be understood, the quiet moments when his smile didnāt quite reach him.Ā
Now it all makes horrifying sense. He was once involved with something sinister, something you had no clue about until the scream of reality shattered your fragile peace.
The weight of betrayal crushes your chest, suffocating and cold. How could he keep this from you? How could he let you live in ignorance while the man you cared for was planning to end his own life? A few weeks.Ā
Thatās what his brother said. A timeline, a cruel countdown you had no part in.
And youānaive, trustingāyou thought you were helping him heal, that you were his refuge, his light. But all the while, the darkness was closing in, swallowing him whole, dragging you down with it.
Your mind spins, a whirlwind of questions and pain, twisting and tearing at your sanity. The dreams you had built togetherāthe quiet mornings, the music filling the rooms, the laughter that once made this cold house feel warmāall of it feels like a cruel illusion now.Ā
Was any of it real? Or was it just another mask he wore to keep you close while he fought a war you never knew existed?
You press your hands against your face, trying to block out the crashing storm inside you, but the tears keep comingāhot, unrelenting, endless.Ā
From the other side of the door, desperate pounding pounds like thunder. Regulusās voice breaks through the barrier, thick with anguish and pleading. āY/n, please. Open the door. Iām begging you. Donāt shut me out. I canātāplease.ā
His desperation only tears at you more.Ā
You curl up tighter against the door, the cold seeping into your bones. In this silence between the sobs and the screams, you realize nothing will ever be the same. The walls of your heart have cracked, the foundation of trust crumbled into dust.
And outside, Regulus keeps calling your name, his voice fraying with every passing second, but you cannot answerānot yet.
āY/n,ā comes his voice from behind the door again.
Your name on his tongue, hoarse, breaking. āPlease. Please, open the door. Please, mon amour.ā
You hear the frantic rustle of him shifting in his chair, wheels squealing faintly against the floorboards. Another scrape. A heavy thud.
Thenā
A sickening, muffled sound, the crack of bone and flesh meeting wood, a sharp grunt of pain.
Your heart lurches.
Without thought, without breath, you are up in an instant. Grief and fury and betrayal vanish beneath the weight of something more urgent, more primal. You tear at the lock with trembling fingers, the door flying openā
And there he is.
Collapsed on the floor, body half-curled in a sprawl, one leg twisted beneath him, chair tipped helplessly to the side. His head bowed, hair veiling his face. Shoulders trembling, breath uneven, sharp with pain.
He will not look at you.
You drop to your knees beside him. āRegulus,ā you gasp, voice cracking. āWhy would you do this? Why would youāā
Your hands hover above him, shaking. You cannot even bring yourself to touch him.
āPlease,ā your voice shatters, breaking on the words. āJust donāt⦠donāt do this. Donāt give up. We can leave, we can run from this house, from this cursed name, from this war. Iāll take you anywhere, anywhere you want. You can be Ben, and Iāll be May, or anyone else you want me to be.ā
The words tumbled out of you, frantic, broken. You could barely hear yourself over the pounding of your heart.Ā
āYou can be Ben, if you want. And Iāll be May. Orā or anything. Iāll be anyone you want. Weāll disappear somewhere no one knows. Somewhere where there is no war. Iāll make you happy, Regulus. Please. Please.āFor a long moment, there is only the sound of your broken breaths between you.
[play sign of the times by harry styles here]
Slowly, his head lifts.
His eyes meet yours at last, glassy and hollow, filled with such ancient sorrow it cleaves through you like a knife.
āI canāt,ā he whispers, voice wrecked, barely audible.
āWhy?ā you choke. āWhy canāt you? Why, Regulus?ā
He closes his eyes, a tear slipping free. āBecause nothing was ever going to change my mind, amour.ā
You shake your head, gripping his shirt now in trembling fists. āNot even me?ā Your voice barely holds. āNot even me, regulus?ā
A strangled breath leaves him, and his shoulders tremble harder beneath your touch.
āNot even you.ā
The floor beneath you seems to crack, to fall away.
A sob bursts from your throat. The confession rips from you before you can stop it
āBut I love you,ā you sob, the words clawing out of your throat, ragged and desperate. āI love you, Regulus. I love you so much I can hardly breathe for it, so much it feels as though my heart will tear itself apart inside my chest. I love you so much I wake in the night gasping for air because the thought of losing you chokes me. I love you so much the very idea of a world without you in it is unbearable. It is unthinkable. It is impossible.ā
Your voice breaks, tears streaming down your cheeks in torrents now, shoulders shaking. You clutch at him like a drowning thing reaching for shore.Ā
āI cannot bear this. I cannot bear the thought of you gone. Of these rooms empty of you. Of mornings without your voice. Of nights without knowing you are here, breathing beside me. You are everything to me now. You are every moment of my day, every breath, every beat of my heart. You have become the sun that wakes me and the moon that lets me sleep. You are the colour in my life, the sound in every song. You are everything!ā
You press your trembling hands to his face, your voice spiraling into something wild and aching.Ā
āPlease, please, do not do this. Do not leave me. Do not choose this. Not when Iāā you choke on the words, chest heaving, ānot when I cannot live without you anymore. Not when the thought of you gone tears through me like fire. Not when I love you, not when I love you so much it is killing me even now, right here in front of you.ā
You lean your forehead to his, voice cracking on every breath. āYou cannot ask me to stay behind in this world without you. You cannot ask me to go on breathing when you do not. Please, Regulus. You are the only thing I have ever truly wanted. You are the only thing I have ever truly needed. Stay. Stay with me. Let me save you. Let me love you.ā
Your words are breaking apart between sobs, the force of them trembling through your entire body. You cling to him as though the very grip of your hands might tether him here.
And for a moment, you feel him shatter beneath you.
His breath comes ragged, sharp. His hands clutch weakly at your arms, at your sleeves.
āDonāt you see?ā he chokes. āI was always meant to die. I have been dying for years.ā
You shake your head desperately. āNo. No, you are here. You are here with me. You could live. You could have something more.ā
He shakes against you, voice breaking: āI canāt. I canāt untangle myself from this. There is no end to it. There is no place in this world for me that is not steeped in this misery.ā
You press your forehead to his chest, sobbing harder now. āThere could be,ā you whisper. āThere could be if you let me love you. If you let yourself be loved. If you would only let meāā
But his hands loosen, trembling. His voice drops to a wrecked whisper. āYou could love me until the stars burned out and it would not save me. It would not change what I am.ā
You pull back, tears streaking your face, your gaze locking with his, pleading.
āYou are not what they made you!ā you cry. āYou are so much more than this. You are more than this cursed house. More than that war. Youāā
But the sorrow in his eyes is endless.
āI am tired, amour,ā he whispers. āSo tired. You were⦠you were the only thing that made the dark bearable. The only light. But even thatā even youā cannot undo what has already been written for me.ā
Another broken sob tears through you.
āI love you,ā you repeat. āI love you. Isnāt that enough? Iwill give you everything. Just donāt do this.ā
He leans forward then, resting his brow against yours, his whole frame trembling with the force of it.
āI love you too,ā he breathes. āI love you more than I have loved anything in this life.ā
āBut even love cannot save me.ā
And in that moment, you feel your heart shatter. The pieces of it falling between you, lost to the dark.
You are sobbing so hard it feels like your body might tear itself apart. The breath will not come, the world tilts and spins and there is no ground beneath you anymore. Only himā only Regulus āand the unbearable weight of what you have just heard.
He is still on the floor before you, arms wrapped around you as you cry against him, trembling, unable to speak through the flood of grief crashing through you.
āShh, mon amour⦠breathe⦠just breathe for meā¦ā his voice is low and shaking, close to your ear. You can feel his own tears wetting your hair now.
You pull back suddenly, eyes wild, throat raw from sobbing. āYou c-cannotā you cannot do this, Regulusā I wonāt let youā I c-canātāā
Your hands fist into the fabric of his shirt, your knuckles white. You are gasping through tears, and still he holds you, eyes shimmering with pain and something elseā something deeper, something devastating.
He whispers. āListen to me. Please, ma belle.ā
You can only shake your head, more tears slipping free. You do not want to hear itā you cannot. But he cups your face so gently, so reverently, and presses a trembling kiss to your brow.
And then, slowly, brokenly, he begins to speak.
āYou⦠you have so much to live for,ā he whispers, voice cracking with the weight of the truth. āSo much beauty still waiting for you. So many colors you have yet to paint upon this world.ā
You sob harder, unable to stop yourself. Your heart feels like it is being ripped from your chest.
āI have never met anyone like you,ā he breathes, and now his voice is trembling, breaking apart as if the words are shattering in his mouth, fragile as glass. āNo one who breathes life into every corner they touch, no one who carries so much color in their heart it spills into the air itself, into every breath they take. No one whoā who burns so bright that even the darkest places cannot hold.ā His voice falters, eyes glassy, tears trembling on his lashes.
You shake your head frantically, gasping through sobs. āIāI wonātā I canāt live in a world without you, Regulusā I canātāā
But he leans in, forehead pressed to yours, breath shallow and shaking as if even speaking is a battle. His tears fall freely now, warm and aching against your skin.
āThe world is vast, mon cÅur. Vaster than this house, vaster than this cursed war, vaster than all of it. And youā you will fill it, I know you will, with your light, your voice, your colors. You will turn empty rooms into something alive. You will make the coldest places warm. You will⦠you will live in a way I never could.ā His voice splinters on the words, as though they wound him more deeply than the worst curse.
āNoā noāā your breath is a broken thing, body shaking, heart tearing apart at the seams.
āI want you to live,ā he whispers, voice raw, trembling with too much feeling. āTo live boldly. To wear the wildest, most ridiculous dresses you can findāyes, the ones I used to mock because I was too afraid to love them. To fill every room with music and color and life, to sing so sweetly even the walls will remember. To speak your heart, as you always haveā because I have never known anyone who feels so openly, so deeply. You are love itself, mon amour, and the world needs you still.ā
Another sob catches in his throat. His hands find your face again, trembling fingers brushing your tears away only for more to fall. His chest is rising too fast now, like he can barely hold the pain in.
āYou areāā he breaks, voice cracking, āyou are light, you are spring, you are the first breath of morning, you are stars shimmering on black water. You are the warmth in winter, the laughter that fills lonely halls. You are more alive than anything I have ever known. And Iāā
But the words stumble and he gasps, tears spilling freely now. āThese six months,ā he whispers, barely a sound, āthese months with you⦠you made me feel again. Youā you have undone me. You gave me back the heart I thought I had long buried. You gave me joy, and hope, and things I never thought were mine to have. You made me dream again, even knowing dreams fade.ā
You are clinging to him now, so tightly, so desperately it hurts. āThen stayā pleaseā please stayā weāll leaveā weāll go anywhereā weāll be anyoneā Ben and May, or anything you wantā I will give you every piece of meā just donāt goā donāt leave meā I love you, Regulus, I love you more than I can bearā I cannot breathe for itā I cannotā I cannotāā
He draws in a wrecked breath, voice nearly gone, but filled with a love so endless it aches. His lips tremble, his gaze drinks you in as though trying to carve you into memory.
āI will die happy,ā he says, voice heavy with love and agony, ābecause of you. Because you loved me. Because you made me feel alive again.ā
āNoā noā noāā your sobs shake through you, fierce and wild, but his hands remain so gentle, reverent on your skin.
āYou are scored on my heart, Madame Lavender,ā he breathes, tears sliding down his cheeks unchecked. āYou are written upon my soul, carved into my very bones. You are in every breath I take, every thought, every memory. No spell, no time, no death could ever erase you from me.ā
His voice drops to a whisper, so soft it could shatter you. āYou are my miracle, my greatest joy, my greatest sorrow. And even now, even as I go, I am⦠selfish enough to have loved you so desperately, so entirely⦠that I will carry that love beyond this life.ā
Your sobs grow harsher, desperate. You are trembling in his arms, breaking apart beneath the weight of those words.
āAnd when I go,ā he whispers, voice barely more than a breath, āit will never be because I stopped loving you. Never because you failed me. You must never carry that lie, ma belle. You must carry this instead: that you wereāareāthe love of my life. Always.ā
You shake your head violently, pain shattering every part of you. āThenāthen stayāstay for meādonāt leaveāā
But he presses his forehead to yours, voice breaking like a fragile glass slipping through desperate fingers. āI cannot. This war, this darknessāitās already claimed me. There is nothing left but this choice. You⦠you must live for both of us now.ā
Your body crumples against his chest, your sobs ragged and raw, a storm breaking loose inside you. Your breath comes in shattered pieces, your heart breaking in tandem with his.
Still, his arms hold youātrembling, tremblingābut unyielding. His hands trace patterns through your hair like a last prayer, memorizing every strand, every curve of you.
He whispers into the hollow ache of your ear, voice thick with all the love and sorrow he cannot keep inside:
āYou will be magnificent. Fierce and wild. You will laugh and dance beneath skies I will never see. You will live a thousand lives for the one I lose. You will fill every empty place with your lightāthe light I never deserved to see.ā
His tears fall freely now, mingling with yours, a quiet symphony of grief and love.
āAnd Iā¦ā His voice falters, breaking with every word, āI will love you from a distance too great to cross, beyond this life, beyond the cruel edges of this pain.ā
A long, aching silence settles, punctuated only by the ragged rise and fall of your chests.
Then, in the faintest whisper, he breathes, āLive well, mon amour. Live as though I never left. Just⦠live.ā
You stay there on the floor with him for what feels like a lifetime. The minutes slip and warp into something shapeless. Your tears come in waves so fierce they leave you gasping. Your limbs shake with the ache of it, your heart too swollen, too raw, too broken to keep its rhythm steady.
You do not know how long you have been there, crumpled beside him, your hands tangled in the folds of his shirt, your body trembling with grief so violent it feels like it will tear you apart from the inside.
At some point ā after what could have been an hour or a century ā you hear the faint sound of footsteps. The creak of wood beneath heavy boots.Ā
Then Siriusās voice, low but hoarse, more tired than anything.
āY/n,ā he says. āYou need to let go.ā
But you cannot. You shake your head against Regulusās chest, sobs still racking through you, lips forming silent pleas over and over. Please donāt. Please stay. Please donāt go.
Sirius kneels slowly, his movements heavy, worn, like the weight of the whole world is pressing on his shoulders. You barely notice the red rims of his eyes, or the tight line of his mouth.
With hands far gentler than you expect, Sirius eases your trembling fingers from where they clutch at Regulusās shirt. You are too weak to fight. Too shattered to resist. The sobs keep coming, tearing from your throat like they will never stop.
āCome on,ā Sirius murmurs softly, ālet me help him.ā
You only watch as Sirius slides an arm beneath his brotherās back, the other beneath his knees, lifting him with a care that speaks of long familiarity, of grief buried beneath old wounds. Regulus barely stirs, his eyes closed, his body limp in his brotherās arms, looking so small, so breakable.
Sirius carries him wordlessly to the bedroom. You hear the soft creak of the bed as he lowers him down, the shuffle of blankets being drawn up. You sit there, collapsed on the floor in the hallway, your back against the wall, too hollow to move, tears still sliding soundlessly down your face.
And time passed.
Days folded into one another, blurred at the edges like a water-stained painting. Weeks slipped by on a current you could no longer control.
Some mornings you would find yourself by his side again, your head pressed to his chest as though by instinct. Other nights, you would sit at the piano until your fingers ached, playing for him because it was the only thing you knew how to do anymore.
One day you would sob until your body could bear no more. The next you would smile for him, soft and trembling, pretending your heart wasnāt still bleeding in your chest.
It was as though life itself had fractured.
One part of you stood forever frozen on that floor, the echo of those words still ringing in your ears. The rest of you moved through the world in a haze, going through the motions because what else could you do?
And Regulus was quieter now.
There was a softness in his gaze when he looked at you, a sorrow that cut deeper than any blade. And though he would speak to you, though he would let you rest your head against his shoulder and hold his hand in your lap, there was something unreachable behind his eyes now. A distance. A promise already made, that even your love could not undo.
Still you played for him.
Still you sang, weaving melodies into the silence, trying to fill the room with something brighter than grief.
Still you came to him every morning, because you could not bear the thought of not seeing him, not touching him, not hearing his voice.
Because for all that had changed, for all the truth that had shattered your world, one thing remained.
You loved him.
You loved him so much you thought it might unmake you.
And the weeks drifted past, each one a fragile, aching thing. You clung to the days you had left, to the moments when he would still smile for you, when he would rest his head against yours and whisper in that soft voice you adored.
But in the depths of your heart you knewāknew with a certainty that stole your breathāthat time was running out.
And there was nothing you could do to stop it.
Regulus had made up his mind from the moment he clawed his way out of that cave. From the moment his trembling hand scraped against slick stone, the taste of that cursed potion still burning his throat, each breath agony in his lungs. From the moment he emerged from the water, drenched and broken, dragged back to life by Kreacherās desperate magic.
He had made up his mind the second those inferi had caught at his legs, their rotted hands sinking into his flesh and bone until the nerves of his spine had been torn to ruin.
From the moment Kreacher Apparated him to this hollow house, trembling, weeping, unable to save him from what had already been done.
Regulus Black had always known that he was destined to drown.
It had been written in his bones long before the lake. He had carried it all his life ā the certainty of ruin, of sinking beneath the weight of things too vast to fight.
What he had not known, what no god nor prophecy had whispered, was that in the end, he would also drown beneath the weight of your love.
He had not known that you would walk into this house in that wretched bright-colored dress, one that had made him wince at first because it did not belong in a place like this. Because you, with your shimmering laugh and your colors and your life, did not belong in a house of ghosts.
And yet somehow, without meaning to, you had undone him.
You had unstitched the cold seams of his heart. You had pulled the darkness from beneath his ribs and forced it to breathe. You had made a man who had already chosen to die remember what it meant to feel.
Regulus Black, who hated being taken care of, who despised his own weakness more than anything, found himself helpless beneath your hands. Helpless beneath the sound of your voice as you sang, beneath the light of your smile. He had come to crave it. To crave you.
And oh, how he wished he was not so selfish.
There was so much he wanted to tell you. So much he wanted to show you. You did not know half the things that lived in his heart.
You did not know that he had never had a favorite color. That when you asked him, eyes wide and eager, trying to guess, he had wanted to laugh. But he could not bear to tell you that he did not care for such things. Not when you looked so proud of yourself for choosing dark green.
And so, from that moment on, dark green became his favorite color. Because it was your voice, your joy, your light that made it so.
You did not know that after the night you played the piano for him on your birthday, after your song had left the air trembling, he had taken to his brushes. That with unsteady hands he had painted you. Because he had been terrified of forgetting that moment. Because he had needed some way to keep it, some way to remember the color of your laughter, the softness of your gaze.
[painting reference <3]
You did not know that he had hoarded each second with you like a dying man hoards breath.
And perhaps that was his deepest selfishness.
That even now, lying in the bed he had chosen for his own death, he was thinking not of the war, not of the world, but of you. Of your voice. Of the life you had poured into this house. Of the way you had made him feel something other than sorrow for the first time in years.
Because deep down, Regulus knew.
If he had been whole, if he had been untouched by this fate, he would never have crossed paths with you. If he had been a man who could still stand, who could still run from his ghosts, he would never have needed you.
And yet now, in this broken body, in this wreck of a life, he could not imagine a world without you.Ā
If the Fates had placed the choice in his hands, he would have chosen this again. The cold depths of the lake, the agony that laced every breath, the iron weight of the chair beneath him, the house steeped in shadows and sorrowāhe would have chosen all of it. Again and again. A hundred times, a thousand times, without hesitation.
If it meant you. If it meant the brief and precious moments of knowing you, of hearing your voice cut through the quiet of his days, of feeling your hands on himāsoft, certain, alive. If it meant that for even a flicker of time, he could have belonged to you.
And that was the most agonizing truth of all.
That for all the bitterness that once filled him, for all the years spent hollow and closed, he had never truly been prepared for you.Ā
For the way you lit the dimmest corners of this crumbling place. For the way you touched not only his skin but the shattered edges of his soul.Ā
That now, even as the hourglass emptied, even as the war pressed closer, even as death itself reached for himāstill, he could not let go. Not of you. Not of this fragile, devastating thing that had bloomed between you.
He was selfish. He knew it. To have ever let himself want. To have let you into his heart when he had so little left to give. But ohāhe did. He wanted.Ā
He wanted so much it split him open. He wanted mornings beside you, a life unlived. He wanted the sound of your laughter in rooms yet unseen. He wanted your arms around him, your lips on his temple, your voice in the dark. He wanted more time. Just time. Time to love you properly. To give you every word he had never dared to speak.
And yet thisāthis was the truth. His body was failing. The war was rising. The ghosts would not be kept at bay.Ā
And so he would goānot because he wished it, not because he loved you any less, but because there was no path left for him now that did not end in darkness.
And through it all, one truth burned brighter than the restāthere was no spell in this world that could rival the magic you held. No color on any palette that could match the depth of his love for you. No flower, not even the purest white chrysanthemum, that could speak its name. No song that could ever hope to contain it. No life. No death. No time. No silence that could erase it.
Regulus Black, ruined body, faltering breath, a soul worn thin, loved you with every fractured piece of himself. Every shard. Every scar. Every hope he had long thought lost.
And that was his greatest agony.
That after everything, it had always been before you. A life of shadows and silence. A heart that had never learned how to beat until it beat for you. And now, when at last he knew what it meant to love, to live, to hopeāhe must leave you.
That was the unbearable grief. That was the wound no magic could mend.
That he was choosing himself before you. That he was too weak to stay, too broken to offer you more. That the only thing he could give you was the certainty of his love, even as he left you behind.
-
-
-
It had been two years since Regulus Black had left this world, two long years of learning how to live again when half of your soul had been carved away, when the color had drained from the days and left you to wander through a life that no longer fit.Ā
You had spent those years trying, if not to heal, then to move forward, though at times it felt as though the world itself had frozen around you, the air turned to glass, fragile beneath your trembling steps.Ā
For even as you breathed, as you woke and dressed and spoke and played your music, he was still there, in the marrow of your bones, in the beat of your heart, in the weight of your every breath.
You saw him in the corners of rooms where no light touched, in the curve of a smile that wasnāt his, in the familiar shadow cast by a stranger on the street. He lingered in every flower that bloomed along the garden paths, in the scent of rain on old stone, in the worn leather of books he would have loved.Ā
You heard him in the hush of a quiet dawn, in the rustle of a turning page, in the softest chords of the piano when your hands could no longer resist the call of music, even when your heart felt too full to bear it.Ā
In those two years, you wore color as though the fabric itself might mend the fractures within you. You draped yourself in crimson, in gold, in emerald, in the deepest shades of cerulean.Ā
You wrapped your body in soft plums, in rose pinks, in hues so brilliant they turned the heads of strangers on the street, as if by cloaking yourself in brightness you might somehow shield your heart from the cold that had made a home inside it.
You painted the walls of your rooms in wild, clashing tones. You covered canvas after canvas in bold strokes and sharp light. You sang beneath unfamiliar stars, your voice soft and trembling in the night air.Ā
You laughed when you could, when your body remembered how, though each laugh trembled with a hollowness you could never quite erase, a sound that rang through your chest like the echo of a cracked bell.
And on the days when grief rose up so vast and sharp that it swallowed you whole, when no color could save you, when you could do nothing but let the ache overtake you, you gathered white chrysanthemums in trembling hands.Ā
You scattered them across the floor, across the windowsills and tabletops and sheets. You surrounded yourself with them, the blooms of sorrow and remembrance, their pale petals falling soft and silent as snow. They were an offering to memory. A prayer for all that had been lost. A fragile testament to the love that had once filled your life.
Yet for all the color you surrounded yourself with, for all the fierce, bright shades you wore and wove into your world, one truth remained unchanged, carved into the deepest part of you. Through every season that passed, through each month and year that bled away, there remained a single certainty: you never again found your favorite color.
Because your favorite color was not one that this world could offer.
It was not lilac, though you had once thought so, long ago. It was not the soft gold of the morning light through the windowpanes, nor the rich blues that gathered at the edges of twilight. It was not the brilliant green of new leaves in spring, nor the rich garnet glow of autumnās last embers.
Your favorite color was a shade of grey that no artist could ever hope to capture. No painterās brush could reach it, no thread could be dyed to match it, no spell could ever summon it into being.
Because that grey had lived only in the eyes of the man you had loved beyond all reason, beyond all logic, beyond life itself.
And how could you ever explain that to another soul? When the well-meaning voices returned, when they asked gently, carefully, trying to draw you back from the still edges of your grief. When they asked what your favorite color was now, after all this time.
How could you answer? The words would rise up, raw and aching, and then catch behind your ribs, caught on the sharp edges of memory.
Because no one could understand. No one could possibly know that your favorite color was a shade of grey that had once filled your breath, your blood, your every heartbeat.
A grey that had wrapped itself around your heart, marking you forever in ways no one could see. A grey that had warmed your skin beneath gentle touches, that had lingered in the space between two shared breaths, that had sung in the silences between words spoken in the dark.
A grey that no flower could rival, no song could contain, no light could ever mirror.
A grey that had belonged to Regulus Black.
And though the world spun on, though you filled your days with color and light, though you walked through streets and sang beneath the stars and let the seasons turn again and again, that truth remained, fixed and bright and unyielding within you ā that no matter how far you traveled, no matter how many years slipped by, no matter what new love or joy or sorrow the world might offer, your favorite color would always be that grey.
And you knew, as surely as you knew your own name, that it would be so for the rest of your days.
Because it had always been him. Before everything. Before the pain, before the loss, before the war and the grief. Before the breaking of your heart. Before the long and aching years that followed.
It had always been him.
It had always been before him.
And after Regulus Black, there could be no other color at all.
synopsis: across lifetimes and names, two souls find each other again and again, tangled in memory, haunted by love, and drawn toward a quiet kind of forever that always slips just out of reach. But maybe this time, for the fifth and last time, the story will end differently.
word count: 22k (im so sorry guys..grab ur tissues)
a/n: this fic has a lot of songs; therefore, i highly suggest playing the linked songs when mentioned :D (this isnt proofread at all so sorry guys)
prologue lifetime I lifetime II lifetime III masterlist
lifetime III: The Rockstar
Fate, it seemed, was never kind enough to let ghosts rest. Threads spun from longing and unspoken words wound through the fabric of the universe, binding souls to unfinished stories, stitching heartbreak into the seams of time. Love that powerful does not die; it is reborn, again and again, clawing its way back to the surface.
This time, it was the city lights that burned like stars, neon signs flickering against rain-slicked streets. The music was loud, thunderous, shaking the walls with each beat of the drum. Electric. Raw. Unyielding.
Backstage, the air buzzed with electricity, amps humming, cords tangled like veins pumping life into the stage. A voice crackled over the speaker, drowning out the chaos: "London! Are you ready to welcome on stage... the world-famous band... SLYTHERIN!"
The crowd roared like thunder, a tidal wave of noise and light, and then they were thereāstepping into the blaze of flashing neon. Regulus, sharp jaw and haunted eyes, guitar slung low across his hips. Evan beside him, fingers drumming along his own bass. Barty with that wild grin, hands raised to the crowd.Ā
Regulus moved to the mic, gaze cutting through the chaos, voice low and electric. He looked out into the sea of faces, lips brushing the microphone as if it held a thousand secrets. His fingers hovered over the strings, the anticipation hanging like static in the air.
And then he played the first note, raw and thunderous, and the world came alive with sound.
-
"Youāve got to be kidding me."
Mary just grins, unbothered by your glare as she tugs you through the swarming crowd. Neon lights flicker above, casting fractured light across her smile. You dig your heels inānot that it makes a difference. Sheās stronger than she looks, and Dorcas and Lily flank you like guards, their linked arms a promise that youāre not slipping away tonight.
"Come on," Mary laughs, her grip ironclad around your wrist. "Youāve been moping for days. Consider this your intervention."
"Iām perfectly fine with my emotional deterioration," you reply dryly, but your words are drowned out by the low thrum of bass leaking through the concrete walls of The Wyrmwood. It stands tall and jagged against the London skyline, neon-green lights buzzing like trapped insects. The name flickers above the door, half-spelled in jagged letters:
SLYTHERIN ā ONE NIGHT ONLY.
It pulses like a heartbeat, too bright, too sharp. You try to shake her off. "Iām not going in there."
Lily just laughs, looping her arm through yours like itās a binding contract. "We didnāt drag you out of your flat just for you to sulk outside."
"This place looks like a health hazard," you grumble, eyeing the graffiti-splattered bricks and the broken glass glittering beneath your shoes.
"Thatās the charm of it," Dorcas winks, already slipping past the bouncer with a flash of her ID and a smile that could cut glass. You want to ask how often sheās done this, but you already know the answer.
"Iām not exactly dressed for... whatever this is," you say, gesturing at the crowd. Fishnets, leather, glitter smeared across collarbones like war paint. It smells like cigarette smoke and rebellion, like something is about to catch fire.
"You look fine," Mary says, shoving you forward before you can protest. "Besides, you wonāt be looking at yourself."
The Wyrmwood swallows you whole. Itās dark inside, impossibly so, lit only by strobes of crimson and green that flash like danger signs. The air is thick with something electricāanticipation, desperation, the kind of longing that makes you feel like youāre standing at the edge of something sharp. Posters are plastered along the walls, black and white and cracked with age, names of bands you half recognize scrawled in jagged font. You pass under the flickering lights, and you can feel the bass thrumming beneath your feet, steady as a heartbeat.
Your friends are already weaving through the crowd, their laughter trailing behind them like silver smoke. You try to follow, but itās packedābodies pressed together, strangers breathing the same stale air. You lose sight of them near the bar, nearly tripping over someoneās discarded leather jacket, when a familiar voice cuts through the noise.
"Didnāt think Iād see you here," a lazy drawl spills out of the shadows, and you turn, half-expecting it to be a mistake. But there he is, Sirius Black, leaning against the bar like he owns it, leather jacket thrown over one shoulder, grinning like heās the devilās favorite son.
"You donāt strike me as the concert type," he says, tipping his drink toward you, amber liquid sloshing against the glass.
"Iām not," you reply, glancing around. "I was ambushed."
He chuckles, low and unbothered. "Consider it a rescue mission. Youāve been cooped up for too long."
You take a sip of your drink, leaning against the bar beside him. "Donāt get too used to rescuing me," you say lightly. "Iām only here for two months. Then itās back to Brooklyn."
Sirius raises an eyebrow, the corner of his mouth tilting up. "Two months, huh? Better make it count."
You shrug, the ice clinking in your glass. "Thatās the plan."
Before you can protest, he signals the bartender, sliding a glass toward you. "Itās on me," he says, tipping his own in your direction. "To bad decisions."
You raise your glass, smirking despite yourself. "To worse company."
He laughs, full-bodied and reckless. "Thatās the spirit."
The lights flicker onceātwice. Sirius straightens, setting his glass down. The crowd shifts, a ripple of movement, and you feel it then. That quiet hush that isnāt really quiet. Itās the kind of silence that creeps in before impact, heavy and electric.
"Showtime," Sirius murmurs, eyes fixed on the stage. Thereās something softer there, pride tangled with something you canāt place.Ā
The lights drop green, flooding the room with venom and envy. The curtain rises, slow and deliberate, and the room swells forward like itās being pulled by invisible strings.
The curtain rises slowly, teasing, like a lover pulling away just enough to keep you wanting more. The first beat of the drums soundsāslow, deliberate. The air shifts again, a storm that doesnāt quite break but lingers, crackling, pulling at the seams of everything. Itās not just a sound, not just musicāitās something alive, something visceral. The kind of rhythm that gets under your skin, that makes your heart skip, that demands your attention.
The guitarist steps out first, grinning, wild-eyed. He twirls the sticks between his fingers, his movements effortless, cocky. He settles into position, cracking his neck, and the crowd roars.
Then comes the bassist, cigarette dangling from his lips like a gesture of defiance. His eyes scan the room, casual, disinterested, but you know heās not. No one is. The air thickens as his fingers brush the strings, and the crowd tightens like a fist around your chest.
The stage lights burn white-hot for a second, blinding. And thenā
The last figure steps forward, midnight-clad and sharp as glass. His hand wraps around the mic stand with a lazy elegance, silver rings gleaming under the lights. He lifts his head slowly, gaze cutting through the fog and straight into the crowd. He lifts his head, eyes sweeping the crowd, catching on you, piercing through the darkness. For a moment, everything else blurs. The crowd, the lights, the noiseāall of it fades. Itās just him, his gaze, and the space between you, pulsing with something too dark to name.
Someone screams into the mic, a voice raw and electric: "London! Are you ready to welcome on stage... the world-famous band... SLYTHERIN!"
The crowd erupts. The world splinters.
SLYTHERIN ā ONE NIGHT ONLY.
The room detonates with soundāroaring, crashing, a tidal wave of bodies pressed together, surging forward like they could pull the stage closer just by sheer force of will. The lights burn emerald, spilling over the crowd like liquid fire, catching on the glint of rings and glitter-smudged eyes. You feel it beneath your feet, the tremor of bass shuddering through the floor, up your legs, thrumming in your bones. Itās not music. Itās a war cry.
{play kiwi by harry styles}
Regulus is still, framed in smoke and green light, hand curled around the mic stand like it belongs to him, like itās part of him. Thereās something almost cruel in the way he stands there, letting the crowd scream his name, eyes half-lidded, mouth curled in the ghost of a smirk. The others are already thrumming with energyāBarty smashing the drumsticks together in an impatient staccato, Evanās fingers flirting with the strings of his bass, coaxing out little whines of soundābut Regulus is silent.
Then, with the flick of his wrist, the lights cut crimson, and the room gasps. He leans into the mic, voice smooth and sharp.
She worked her way through a cheap pack of cigarettes...
The crowd erupts again, and you feel itālike static racing over your skin, like fire licking at your veins.
Hard liquor mixed with a bit of intellect...
Regulusās voice is a weapon, precise and unyielding. His eyes burn with something feral, a spark that catches and spreads. The band is a beast behind him, a living, snarling thing, and they follow his lead without hesitation.
And all the boys, they were saying they were into it...
You catch his gaze, just for a second, and itās like a punch to the ribs. He doesnāt look away. He never looks away.
Barty slams down on the drums, a furious cascade of sound that rattles the bones, and Evanās bass line thrums beneath it, heavy and unrelenting. The floor vibrates; the walls pulse. Itās suffocating and electrifying all at once.
Regulus leans back, eyes closing, voice curling around the lyrics with that dangerous edge.
She's driving me crazy, but Iām into it...
The lights flash again, blinding white, and his voice carves through the chaos like a blade.
Such a pretty face on a pretty neck..
He strides over to Barty, plucking the cigarette right from his fingers without breaking rhythm. He takes a long drag, head tilted back, smoke curling from his lips like a sin, eyes dark and glinting under the flashing lights. The crowd screams, clawing at the stage as he descends the stairs with the grace of something untouchable, unstoppable.
He finds youāfirst row, Sirius to your left, but itās like youāre the only one there.Ā
The flash of his grin is sharp, wicked. Regulus kneels down, close enough that the heat of him mingles with yours. His hand finds your jaw, thumb brushing your cheekbone, slow, deliberate. His gaze drags over your face, landing on your parted lips. His voice is low, gravelly, dripping with intent.
She sits beside me like a silhouette...
Then, without hesitation, he brings the cigarette to your lips. "Take a drag, pretty girl," he breathes, and itās not a suggestion.Ā
Itās a command. The crowd howls, a feral, raw sound, but you donāt hear it. All you hear is your own pulse, loud and rushing as you take the drag, the burn sharp and sweet. His eyes flicker darker as you exhale, smoke curling between you like a promise.
He plucks it back, never breaking eye contact, taking one last pull before the mic returns to his mouth.
Hard candy dripping on me 'til my feet are wet...
Itās not just a performance. Itās a claim. Itās devastation, wrapped in velvet and sin.
The crowd is madness, screaming his name, clawing at the barricade, desperate. But he doesnāt look away and neither do you.
Itās electric. Itās ruinous.
Itās everything.
Sirius leans in close, his breath warm against your ear, voice barely a whisper under the roar. āDid he justā?ā he laughs, low and sharp, eyes wide with something like awe. "Bloody hell... never seen him pull that stunt before." He shakes his head, grinning wickedly.Ā
You want to ask what he means, but the question dies on your tongue because Regulus moves. Just a step forward, slow and deliberate, but the crowd reacts like heās thrown gasoline on an open flame.Ā
His hand lifts to the mic, fingers brushing over it like a loverās touch, and his eyesāsharp and unyieldingāsweep the crowd, drinking them in, pulling them apart thread by thread. You swear he looks right at you, just for a heartbeat, and your lungs forget how to work.
His voice is smoke and silver, smooth and raw all at once, winding through the air like itās living, like itās breathing. The crowd goes feral, bodies crashing into each other, hands reaching out like they could touch him if they just stretched far enough.
When sheās alone, she goes home to a cactusā¦
His voice is molten, dripping over the words with something feral, something unrestrained. The band snarls to life behind himāBarty pounding the drums with a vicious sort of joy, Evanās bass thrumming low and heavy, the guitarist slicing through the air like it owes him blood.
In a black dress, sheās such an actressā¦
His eyes flicker back to you, catching the light in shards of green and silver, and your breath stalls. Thereās something primal in the way he looks at youālike he knows exactly what he did, like heās daring you to do something about it.
Sirius is still watching you, shaking his head, that wicked grin never faltering. āMerlinās sake,ā he mutters, almost impressed. āHeās got the whole crowd on their knees, and heās still making sure you know itās all for you.ā
You can barely nod. Youāre too caught up in the way Regulus commands the stage, the way his fingers tighten on the mic stand, knuckles whitening, like heās holding on for dear life. Itās intoxicatingādangerous, almost. Like staring into the heart of a storm and knowing you should look away but not wanting to.
āHe always did have a flair for dramatics,ā Remus adds from your other side, arms crossed but eyes bright. Thereās fondness there, deep and warm, and you catch the flicker of a smile on his lips as he watches Regulus pace the stage, voice cracking raw over the chorus.
āShut up, youāre crying,ā James jabs him with an elbow, and Remus just snorts, unbothered.
āAm not,ā he replies, though his voice is thicker than usual. āMaybe you are.ā
Heās beautiful, you think. Dark and wild and entirely untamed. He isnāt tethered to anything but the stage beneath his feet and the roar of the crowd, and itās like heās breathing for the first time.
And just for a second, his eyes snap open and find yours, cutting through the haze, the lights, the noise. His gaze holds you there, trapped, breathless, and you feel the connection snap into place like itās always been there, just waiting for the right moment. His lips tilt, barely a curve, but itās there. A ghost of a smile, meant just for you.
The song ends with a shattering chord, and the room explodes. Regulus bows his head, hand still curled around the mic, breathing hard. The lights pulse back to green, spilling shadows over his cheekbones, and his gaze lingers for just a moment more before he turns back to the crowd.
Sirius nudges your shoulder, eyes alight with mischief. āTold you he was good.ā
You swallow, the taste of adrenaline sharp on your tongue. āGood?ā you echo, voice barely above a whisper. āHeās⦠heās incredible.ā
Sirius just grins, wide and wicked. āWelcome to the show.ā
āCome on!ā Maryās voice pierced the haze, cutting through the ringing in your ears. She grabbed your arm with surprising strength, pulling you back from the swell of bodies. Her grin was wide and reckless, lipstick slightly smudged, eyes glittering with excitement. āWe have backstage passes, love! Bartyās waiting for us!ā
āBarty?ā you echoed, stumbling slightly as she dragged you through the crowd, weaving between swaying bodies and spilled drinks.
āYes, Barty!ā Mary tossed a wink over her shoulder. āHe said heād introduce us to the band after the show. Merlinās beard, I swear you never listen to me. Come on, before he thinks we ditched him!ā
You nodded, adrenaline still humming under your skin, and followed her as she slipped through a door guarded by a particularly disgruntled bouncer. The hallway stretched out before you, dim and narrow, lined with posters that curled at the edges and flickered under dying light. Mary tugged you forward, practically skipping with excitement, her laughter echoing off the walls.
āWait, slow down!ā you protested, nearly tripping over your own feet. But she was a woman on a mission, relentless and determined, dragging you around sharp corners and through winding corridors. Her voice bounced off the walls, rambling about how Barty had promised her an introduction ages ago, how this was finally her chance, how she was absolutely certain you were going to love them all.
But thenāsomewhere between a flickering light and a stack of equipment casesāyou lost her.
You stopped short, breath catching, the noise of the concert muted to a distant thrum behind thick concrete walls. The hallway split off in three directions, each one identical and stretching into shadow. You blinked, turning in a slow circle. āMary?ā you called, your voice swallowed up by the empty space. Silence answered back, heavy and unyielding.
You turned left, footsteps cautious, trailing your hand along the wall as if that might somehow anchor you. It smelled like cigarette smoke and old wood, the air heavy with something unnameable, something that prickled at the back of your neck.Ā
You followed the sound of muffled voices, hoping for familiar faces, but the hallway twisted and turned, coiling in on itself until you were certain you were walking in circles.
āMary?ā you tried again, voice softer now, edged with nerves. No answer.
The backstage doors were all heavy iron and peeling paint, some marked with names you didnāt recognize, others blank and uninviting. You hesitated at one, fingers grazing the chipped handle, and thenābecause you had toāyou pushed it open.
Inside, the room was dimly lit, smelling of leather and cologne and something smoky that clung to the walls. And there, leaning against the edge of a cluttered vanity, his back to you, was Regulus Black.
The breath left your lungs in a single, startled rush. He was still dressed in stage clothesāblack silk shirt unbuttoned at the throat, sleeves rolled up to his elbows, silver rings glinting under the light. His hair was damp with sweat, falling messily over his eyes as he stared down at a vinyl record in his hands, fingers tracing the edge with a kind of idle reverence.Ā
You should have leftāyou knew that, felt it in the prickling of your skinābut your feet wouldnāt move, rooted to the spot as if by some invisible tether.
And then he turned.
It was slow, deliberate, like heād known you were there the whole time. His gaze found yours instantly, sharp and assessing, and for a moment, the world went silent. You stared at him, unblinking, and something flickered behind his eyesārecognition, maybe, though you couldnāt place why.
You should have said something. You should have apologized for intruding or stumbled over some explanation, but the words tangled up in your throat, stuck there by the weight of his gaze. He watched you like he was trying to solve a puzzle, like there was something familiar in your outline, something just out of reach.
āLost?ā he asked finally, voice low and smooth, cutting through the silence like a knife.
You swallowed, throat suddenly dry. āA little bit,ā you admitted, voice barely above a whisper. āI was trying to find Mary⦠I think I took a wrong turn.ā
The corner of his mouth quirked, just slightly, barely there. āItās easy to get lost back here.ā He pushed off from the vanity, stepping closer, and you had to tilt your head up to meet his gaze. He was taller than youād realizedābroader too, sharp angles softened by shadow and smoke. āBut Iām guessing youāre not supposed to be wandering around alone.ā
You opened your mouth to respond, but the words slipped through your fingers. There was something in the way he looked at you, like he was seeing something he hadnāt expected, something that unsettled him just as much as it did you.
It felt like youād been here before. Like you knew him. Like youād always known him.
āYeah,ā you said finally, voice breaking the stillness. āI guess not.ā
Regulusās eyes lingered on yours for a moment longer, unblinking, and then he nodded towards the hallway behind him. āCome on. Iāll help you find your friend.ā
You hesitated, just for a second, but something in his gaze pulled you forward, like a thread wrapped tight around your heart. You stepped closer, and he held the door open for you, watching with that same curious expression, the kind that made you feel like you were missing part of the conversation.
He didnāt say anything more as you walked, just kept his strides even and unhurried beside you, the echo of your footsteps the only sound in the hallway. But you couldnāt shake the feeling that something had shiftedālike the air was charged, heavy with something unsaid. Like the world had cracked open just enough for you to slip through.
And when his hand brushed yours, just for a heartbeat, it felt like coming home.
You werenāt sure if it was intentionalāthe brush of his hand against yoursābut it left your skin tingling, the echo of it lingering like the remnants of a half-remembered dream. Regulus didnāt look at you when it happened, his eyes fixed forward, but you saw the way his jaw tensed, the way his fingers flexed, like heād felt it too.
The hallway stretched long and winding, each turn identical to the last, walls plastered with fading posters and half-burnt-out lights that flickered like dying stars. You tried to focus on your steps, on the distant thrum of music vibrating through the floor, but it was hard to think of anything except the boy beside you.Ā
He moved like he belonged in the shadows, like they bent around him rather than the other way around. You wondered if he was always like thisāquiet and consuming, like gravity itself.
āSoā¦ā you started, if only to cut through the silence threading between you. āDo you do this often? Rescue lost girls wandering backstage?ā
The corner of his mouth quirked again, a ghost of a smile. āNot often,ā he replied. āMost of them arenāt quite soā¦lost.ā
You blinked, unsure if youād heard the pause right, the weight behind the word. āWell, Iām not usually one for getting lost,ā you replied, feeling a flush creep up your neck. āGuess tonightās justā¦special.ā
His eyes flickered to you then, something dark and unreadable swimming in them. āYeah,ā he murmured. āI guess it is.ā
Before you could say anything else, he stopped short, his arm extending in front of you like a barrier. You hadnāt even noticed the turn youād taken, the hallway splitting off into a wider room where laughter and voices spilled out like smoke. Maryās familiar red hair bobbed through the crowd, animatedly talking to someone who looked like they hadnāt slept in a week. Relief spilled out of you in a breath.
āThere she is,ā Regulus said, voice softer now. His arm dropped back to his side, but he didnāt move away. āLooks like youāre not so lost anymore.ā
You turned to him, the words caught in your throat. āThank you, Iāā
But his gaze had dropped, fixed on your hand where his fingertips had brushed yours. His expression was distant, like he was seeing something you couldnāt, feeling something he didnāt want to.
āIf you get lost again,ā he said, voice drifting back to you, āfind me.ā
And then he was gone, the echo of his footsteps fading into the hum of distant music, and you were left standing alone, hand still warm from where his had almost held yours.
You were still replaying it in your headāthe heat of the stage lights, the raw pulse of the music, and the way Regulus Black had held your gaze from across the crowd. His eyes had found yours like it was effortless, like the thousands of people screaming his name didnāt matter. And then, with that effortless cool, heād plucked the cigarette from his lips and pressed it between yours, his fingers brushing your mouth for the briefest second.
The memory was still burning at the edges when Mary crashed into you, eyes wide and practically vibrating with excitement. āThere you are!ā
You barely had time to register her presence before she grabbed your arm, dragging you down the hallway. āYouāre not going to believe this. No, actually, you are, because I saw it with my own eyes,ā she babbled, practically sprinting with you in tow.
āMaryāā you tried, breathless from both the memory and her speed.
āRegulus Black,ā she said, her voice dropping into something conspiratorial. āLead singer, absolute menace, notorious for ignoring every single girl that tries to get his attention... just put his cigarette in your mouth.ā She stopped suddenly, spinning to face you, hands gripping your shoulders. āTell me Iām not hallucinating. That actually happened, right?ā
You felt your cheeks heat up, still tasting the faint trace of smoke and mint on your lips. āI... yeah. It happened.ā
Mary shrieked, a sound so piercing you winced. āAre you kidding me? How do you just casually stumble into stuff like this?ā
āIt wasnāt exactly planned,ā you laughed, still feeling a little dazed. āI got turned around, and then... I donāt know. He just...ā You struggled for the right words, the right way to explain the way his eyes had lingered on you. ā...he just saw me.ā
Maryās expression softened, just for a moment. āYeah, I guess he did.ā Then, just as quickly, she snapped back to her usual self. āOkay, I need details. All of them. Did he say anything? Did he look at you like... like that?ā She made an exaggerated swooning face, nearly toppling over in her enthusiasm.
You couldnāt help but laugh. āHe helped me find my way back here. Thatās it.ā
āYouāre not getting out of this,ā she continued, weaving you through a maze of stagehands and tangled cables. āIām going to make you tell me every single word he said.ā
You were just about to protest when she tugged you into a more open part of the room, neon lights flickering overhead. āThere he is!ā she whispered excitedly, nodding towards the bar area.
You followed her gaze and spotted him instantly. Barty Crouch Jr., all black ccurls and sharp smiles, holding a drink in one hand and talking animatedly with someone you couldnāt see. He was magneticāloud and reckless in a way that made you feel like just standing near him would be dangerous.
Mary grinned like sheād just won the lottery. āCome on, I promised you an introduction, didnāt I?ā
Before you could respond, she was already tugging you forward, her grip ironclad. Your heart thudded against your ribs, the rush of adrenaline making you slightly dizzy. You barely had time to process it before you were right in front of him, his gaze flicking over to the two of you with mild curiosity.
āWell, well,ā Barty drawled, grin spreading wide as he looked you up and down. āWhat do we have here?ā
Mary nudged you forward, all but shoving you into his line of sight. āThis is my friend. The one I told you about.ā
Bartyās eyes sparkled with mischief as he leaned forward, one eyebrow raised. āThe one who caught Regās attention?ā
You blinked. āI... I donāt know about that.ā
āOh, I do,ā he laughed, and the sound was sharp and wild, like it was cracking open the air around you. āYouāre the one from the stage, right? Cigarette girl?ā
Heat rushed to your cheeks. āThatās... yeah.ā
Barty chuckled, leaning back against the bar. āWell, well. Looks like youāve already got one foot in the door.ā He tipped his head back towards the stage. āCareful with that one. He bites.ā
Mary rolled her eyes. āYouāre one to talk.ā
Bartyās grin widened. āI never said I didnāt.ā He looked back at you, eyes gleaming. āStick around. Iāve got a feeling this is gonna get interesting.
The afterparty bleeds into itself, a kaleidoscope of neon lights and thrumming bass, bodies pressed too close, voices raised just to be heard.Ā
You drift between faces you donāt know and hands that grasp at your arm, pulling you deeper into the chaos. Drinks are thrust into your hand, the liquid sloshing over the edge, staining your wrist with something sticky and sweet. You sip, barely tasting it, just enough to be polite before you slip away, dissolving into the shadowed edges of the room where the light doesnāt quite reach.
Sirius is deep in conversation with someone you donāt recognize, laughter spilling from his lips like itās the easiest thing in the world. He catches your eye for a split second, gives you a wink and a tilt of his drink, and you nod back, a silent promise that youāre fine, that you just need a moment. Maybe two.
The back hallway is quieter, the music muffled by thick walls, and you follow the path of least resistanceāpast the storage crates and tangled wires, past the buzzing EXIT sign that flickers like itās on its last breath. You find the metal staircase tucked away behind an unmarked door, the kind of place people forget about. It creaks under your weight, the rusted metal groaning in protest as you ascend, step by step, until the noise of the party is nothing but a distant hum.
The rooftop is waiting for you, sprawling and vast, the city stretching out like itās been painted just for this moment. You breathe in deep, filling your lungs with cold, untainted air, the kind that bites a little on the way in.Ā
Up here, the lights of the city blur into constellations, headlights tracing patterns on cracked pavement far below. You cross the concrete expanse, fingers trailing along the chipped brick of the ledge as you move to the edge. Itās almost peacefulāthe kind of silence that feels deliberate.
You donāt hear him at first. Heās just there, a shadow leaning against the rooftopās edge, a cigarette balanced between his fingers. Heās dressed in black, jacket half-zipped, curls tousled like heās just come offstageāwhich, of course, he has. He lifts his head slightly, eyes catching the moonlight for just a fraction of a second. Grey, sharp, and cutting through the dark like knives.
"You running from ghosts?" he asks, voice low and smooth, laced with something sardonic. The cigarette glows bright, embers flaring, and for a moment, he looks like something out of a dreamāsharp lines and smoke.
You blink, pulled from the haze of your thoughts. "Maybe," you reply, leaning back against the ledge. "Or maybe Iām just not one for crowds."
He studies you, unblinking, gaze flinty and knowing. "Funny," he says, taking a slow drag. "Most people stay where itās loud. Makes it easier to pretend theyāre not alone."
You laugh, short and surprised. "Is that what you do?" you counter, watching the way the smoke curls from his lips, drifting like itās got nowhere better to be. "Hide in the noise so you donāt feel alone?"
He huffs a laugh, more breath than sound. "I donāt hide," he replies, sharp and resolute, like itās carved into his bones. "I just know where to disappear."
Your eyes flick to his hands, to the rings that gleam silver in the moonlight. "Disappearing isnāt the same as running," you murmur, barely aware youāve said it out loud.
His eyes snap to yours, sudden and sharp, like youāve cut through something he wasnāt ready to expose. He watches you carefully, the cigarette burning down between his fingers. "You sound like you know something about that," he says, voice quieter, more deliberate.
You shrug, turning your gaze back to the skyline. "Maybe I do," you answer softly. "Maybe I donāt."
Silence falls between you, stretched thin and trembling, and you swear you feel the weight of itālike a breath held just a moment too long. He flicks the cigarette over the edge, watching it spiral down, down, down before the ember snuffs out entirely.
"Funny thing," he says finally, voice barely above a whisper. "I feel like Iāve met you before." His eyes donāt leave yours, and thereās something raw in his gaze, something unpolished and unguarded.
"Maybe," he says, but he doesnāt sound convinced. His gaze lingers, heavy and unyielding, like heās trying to pull you apart just to understand whatās inside. "Or maybe something else."
You donāt look away. You donāt dare. "You believe in that sort of thing?" you ask, your voice softer now, almost a whisper.
He smiles, slow and sharp, all teeth and danger. "I donāt know," he admits. "But Iām starting to think I should."
Regulus is still watching you, eyes narrowed, like heās waiting for you to say something. But you donātānot yet. Youāre too busy holding onto the feeling that something just slipped through your fingers, something important.
He shifts, the leather of his jacket creaking, and his eyes flick back to the skyline. "Well," he says, voice back to that drawling indifference, "if youāre gonna disappear, might as well do it with a view."
You laugh, the sound light and unbound. "Yeah," you reply. "I guess I could think of worse places."
He glances back at you, gaze lingering a little too long, like heās trying to memorize the lines of your face. "Iāll see you around," he murmurs, voice low and dangerous, the promise of it slipping between the spaces of the city lights.
And before you can respond, heās goneāslipping back through the rooftop door, leaving only the faintest trace of smoke and something that tastes like memory in his wake.
After that rooftop encounter, you start showing up at Slytherin's gigs more oftenāsometimes with friends, sometimes alone. You donāt think he notices. Until he does.
Itās after a show in Camden, the air thick with rain and cigarette smoke, clinging to your clothes, settling in your lungs. The sky is heavy, swollen, like it might crack open at any moment. You stand against the brick wall, fingers picking at the damp label of your drink when the door swings open, spilling laughter and smoke into the alley.
Heās the last to leave, trailing behind Barty and Evan like heās got nowhere to be, like time bends around him. Sweat dampens his hair, curls sticking to his forehead, black shirt clinging to his shoulders. He spots youāof course he doesāand thereās that flicker again, something old and aching, like a memory misplaced.
He saunters over, cigarette dangling from his lips, hands deep in his leather jacket. The streetlamp flickers above, casting shadows that dance like ghosts. āYou always hang out in alleyways, or am I just lucky?ā His voice is low, rough, softened from hours of singing. His eyes catch the light, sharp and silver, cutting through the dark like knives.
You raise an eyebrow, shrugging. āDepends on the company.ā
The corner of his mouth curves up, a smirk thatās more habit than happiness. He takes a long drag from his cigarette, eyes never leaving yours, and exhales slow, deliberate, like heās marking the moment. Smoke curls between you, phantom fingers reaching out and fading just before they touch.
"Not the usual crowd," he observes, eyes flicking over you, lingering just a second too long. āBit too... put together for the Camden lot.ā
You huff a laugh, surprising yourself. āNot sure if thatās a compliment or an insult.ā
āGuess that depends,ā he replies, gaze slipping over you, unapologetic and unhurried. Thereās something almost surgical in the way he looksālike heās dissecting you, peeling back layers just to see whatās underneath. āYou a fan of the music or just slumming it for the night?ā
Thereās a challenge in his tone, something jagged and sharp, but you donāt flinch. āStill deciding,ā you say, letting the words hang heavy between you. You catch the flicker of surprise in his eyesāso brief you almost miss itābut itās there, like a crack in glass that splinters the whole reflection.
He tilts his head back, studying you with the kind of intensity that feels like being seen for the first time. Like being known. āBrutal,ā he murmurs, lips curling around the word. āGuess Iāll have to try harder.ā
And then he flicks his cigarette to the ground, crushing it beneath the heel of his boot with a finality that feels deliberate. āYou coming to the next one?ā he asks, voice slipping back into something smoother, something practiced.
You donāt miss a beat. āWouldnāt miss it.ā
For just a flicker of time, you think you see something soften in his expressionāunguarded and raw. But then itās gone, swallowed back into arrogance, and he nods, slipping back through the darkened hallway. You watch him go, breathless and burning, heart hammering like itās trying to break free.
After that, you come to every show. Sometimes he finds you in the crowd; sometimes he doesnāt. It doesnāt matterāyou always find him after. Outside under flickering streetlights or sprawled on the hood of his car, cigarettes and slow conversations spilling into dawn.
It becomes a ritual. He sings like heās breaking apart, and you watch like youāre piecing him back together. The city is your playground: rooftops, train tracks, rain-soaked alleys. Thereās a rhythm to it, a melody neither of you need to say out loud.
You talk about books with cracked spines and water-damaged pages. He talks about music, the kind that burrows under your skin, the kind that leaves you breathless.
Itās late, so late itās almost early. The city holds its breath, draped in shadows and whispers. Slytherin is recording at an underground studio tucked away in East London. The others are inside, muffled bass and fractured laughter spilling out each time the door cracks open.
But youāre not inside. Neither is he.
Youāve slipped away, guided by instinct or something older, and found yourself in the garden behind the studio. A patch of wildness carved between brick walls and chain-link fences, where ivy creeps over crumbling stone and wildflowers push through cracked pavement. It smells like rain and rosemary, damp earth and city dust. A secret place, half-forgotten, the kind that only exists when the world isnāt looking.
Youāre perched on the edge of a stone bench, the moss soft beneath your fingertips. Regulus is sprawled on the ground, back against the trunk of an old willow tree that curves like a secret over the two of you. Its branches sway in the wind, whispering things you canāt quite hear. His leather jacket is draped over his shoulders, hair still damp from the last set, curls wild and unkempt. Heās smoking lazily, the end of the cigarette flaring bright every time he inhales.
āYou know theyāre gonna come looking for us,ā you murmur, gaze flicking back to the studio where the lights flicker behind fogged windows.
He just huffs a laugh, dragging his thumb over his bottom lip as he exhales. Smoke coils in the air, lingering between you. āLet them,ā he replies, voice low and unapologetic. His eyes catch yours, dark and daring. āI like it better out here.ā
You raise an eyebrow. āIn the freezing cold? Surrounded by weeds and cigarette butts?ā
Regulus smirks, the kind that feels like a dare. āBetter than listening to Barty butcher another verse.ā
You laugh, soft and unguarded. It startles you, the way it spills out so easily around him. His smirk softens, just a fraction, and he tilts his head back against the bark of the willow. For a moment, you just sit there, the silence stretching warm and steady between you.
Then, out of nowhere, he asks, āWhy donāt you sing?ā
The question is a stone thrown into still water. It ripples out, unsettling everything. You blink, surprised. āWhat?ā
He ashes his cigarette, eyes still on yours. āYou always watch. Always listen.ā He nods toward the studio. āBut you never join in.ā
You shrug, picking at a leaf stuck in the moss. āGuess itās not really my thing.ā
He lets out a low hum, like he doesnāt believe you. āBullshit,ā he says simply, and thereās no malice in itājust fact. āI see the way you watch. The way your lips move when you think no oneās paying attention.ā
Your cheeks burn, and you look away, focusing on the ivy curling up the wall. āI donāt know what youāre talking about.ā
āYou do,ā he counters, and his voice is closer now. You look up to find him leaning forward, elbows on his knees, eyes sharp and unyielding. āI bet itās good. I bet itās better than you even realize.ā
You swallow, the words sticking like honey. āDonāt you have enough singers around you?ā
āMaybe.ā He pauses, studying you with the kind of intensity that feels like being seen for the first time. Like being known. āBut I want to hear you.ā
The air goes thin. You shake your head, leaning back against the bench, crossing your arms. āNot gonna happen.ā
He laughs again, low and smoky, like itās the punchline to some joke you donāt understand. He stubs out his cigarette, flicking it aside, and when he looks back at you, thereās something electric in his eyes. āOne day, Iāll make you sing for me,ā he says, voice velvet-soft but edged with steel. āI promise.ā
You roll your eyes, scoffing, but thereās a tremor in your voice. āYouāre awfully sure of yourself.ā
He leans back against the willow tree, gaze never leaving yours. His smile is sharp, like the edge of a knife, but thereās a softness to it too, something almost tender beneath all that swagger. āIām always sure when it matters,ā he murmurs, voice dipping low, dragging over each word like a caress. His eyes darken, softening at the edges. āAnd with you⦠I think it matters.ā
Your breath catches, the world narrowing to the space between you. The willowās branches sway above, whispering secrets you canāt quite hear, and for a moment, the air is thick with something unspoken.
But you donāt break. Not yet. You just stare back at him, heart stuttering against your ribs. āWeāll see,ā you whisper, voice barely audible.
Regulus smiles, slow and devastating. āYeah,ā he says, eyes flickering with something like destiny, something like longing. āWe will.ā
Regulus shifted beside you, the edge of his leather jacket brushing your arm. He exhaled, the cigarette burning low between his fingers, its ember flaring briefly before he stubbed it out against the concrete ledge. Without warning, he straightened, extending a hand towards you, palm open, rings glinting under the rooftop lights.
āCome on,ā he said, voice low, laced with a promise. āI wanna show you something.ā
You raised a brow, gaze flickering between his hand and his eyes, sharp and unreadable. āWhere?ā
His lips curled, almost conspiratorial. āYouāll see.ā
It shouldāve been a warning. You should have hesitated, questioned the glint in his eyes, the crooked smile that spelled troubleābut you didnāt. Your hand slipped into his, cold against yours, and he pulled you through the rusted doorway, down the narrow, winding staircase. The party rumbled far below, muffled by concrete and distance, just a distant thrum beneath your feet.
Regulus didnāt speak as he led you through spiraling corridors, his grip firm and unyielding. He moved with the kind of confidence that made you think heād walked this path a thousand times before, slipping through cracked doorways and shadowed halls like someone untouched by consequence.
At last, you reached a door at the far end of the hallwayāits frame chipped and crooked, paint flaking like dead leaves. He pushed it open with his shoulder, the hinges shrieking, and gestured for you to follow.
āWhat is this place?ā you asked, hesitating at the threshold.
He glanced back, eyes dark and shimmering. āA shortcut,ā he replied, then slipped through, leaving you no choice but to follow.
The space beyond was vast and hollow, a skeletal remnant of something once grand. Shattered windows let in slivers of moonlight, pooling silver over cracked marble and stone. The ceiling stretched high above, crumbling at the edges, vines creeping through the fractures like nature had come to reclaim what was hers.
āRegulus,ā you breathed, voice catching on the echo. āWhere are we?ā
āOld conservatory.ā His voice was softer here, reverent. He walked ahead, his boots scuffing against the stone, hands slipping into his pockets. āForgotten when they built the new one downtown. They didnāt bother tearing it down. Just⦠left it.ā
He glanced back at you, eyes catching the silver light. āI come here sometimes.ā
There was a softness to his voice, unguarded and fleeting. You followed him, footsteps soft against the dust-coated floor, eyes wandering over the cracked pillars and dust-veiled chandeliers that hung like ghosts from the ceiling. You could almost imagine it in its primeāglass ceilings reflecting sunlight, flowers blooming from every corner, music echoing through its halls. Now, it was just echoes and shadows, but somehow, it felt⦠sacred.
Regulus led you further in, past pillars split with age, towards the far end where the roof had caved in entirely. Moonlight poured through the shattered beams, pooling at the base of something that made you pauseā
A willow tree.
Its branches were thin and knotted, draped with curling leaves that shimmered faintly under the light. Roots spilled out over the fractured stone floor, curling around broken marble like it had grown straight through the ruins. It shouldnāt have been there. Not really. But it was, stretching up towards the stars like it was reaching for something it couldnāt touch.
Regulus watched you, his eyes hooded and dark. āWeāre not supposed to be up here,ā he murmured, almost like a confession.
āAnd yet, here we are,ā you replied, voice barely above a whisper.
He smiled at thatāsoft and slow, like it surprised him. āI found it a few years ago. This place. Wasnāt looking for it, just⦠ended up here.ā His gaze drifted to the willow. āFigured it was a good place to disappear.ā
You stepped forward, letting your fingers brush the leaves. They trembled under your touch, whispering secrets to the wind. āItās beautiful.ā
Regulusās gaze never wavered from you. āIt is.ā
The silence stretched, filled only with the rustle of leaves and the distant hum of the city. You felt his presence beside youāsteady, solid, a quiet contrast to the chaos that always seemed to follow him.
āYou bring everyone here?ā you asked, voice lighter than you felt.
He chuckled, low and husky. āNo. Just the ones I want to remember it.ā
A laugh escaped you, breathless and sharp. āThatās a bit poetic for a rockstar, donāt you think?ā
He turned to you, moonlight catching the edge of his jaw, casting shadows along the curve of his cheekbones. āI can be poetic.ā
You raised a brow. āProve it.ā
Regulus looked at you for a long moment, the kind of stare that felt like it peeled back layers, sifted through ribcages and reached straight for the heart. Finally, he stepped closer, gaze dropping to your mouth, voice slipping low and rough.
āYou remind me of this place,ā he murmured. āForgotten, beautiful⦠something that shouldnāt be here, but is.ā
Your breath caught, the air shifting between you, heavy and electric. His eyes flickered back to yours, unguarded and raw, like heād just revealed something he wasnāt sure he should have.
Before you could respond, he turned away, running a hand through his hair. āCome on,ā he said, voice slipping back into something lighter, easier. āWe should get back before they think I kidnapped you.ā
And so it slowly began.
Regulus had a way of slipping into your life like smoke curling under a locked doorāsilent, unyielding. It began subtly: a nod from across the room during Slytherinās soundchecks, the flicker of his gaze in crowded spaces, the faintest smirk when you stumbled over your words in his presence. Heād drag you to their underground rehearsals, the ones held in the grimy back rooms of clubs that never saw daylight.
The band would set up, Barty twirling drumsticks with manic energy, Evan leaning against his bass like it was the only thing holding him upright. Regulus, thoughāheād take the stage with a sort of deliberate care, fingers wrapping around the mic like it was something sacred. He never quite asked you to come, not directly. Heād just show up at your door, nod his head to the side, and say, āWeāre on in an hour.ā Like it was a given youād follow. Like it was routine.
You learned the rhythm soon enough. The city streets stretched out beneath your feet, glittering with spilled neon and cigarette smoke. Youād follow him through back alleys and side streets, slipping past broken fences and beneath graffiti-streaked fire escapes. He always ledānever rushed, just confident, like the city itself bowed under his command.
Slytherin would play, the sound raw and unpolished, clawing its way out of Bartyās drums and Evanās bass like it was desperate to escape. And you would watch from the corner, arms crossed, back pressed against the wall, your eyes locked on Regulus as he tore through lyrics like he was bleeding on stage.
Sometimes, during breaks, heād saunter over to you, the others scattering for drinks or smokes. Heād lean against the wall beside you, arms crossed, cigarette dangling from his lips. He never asked if you liked the musicāhe didnāt need to. Instead, heād ask things that felt heavier, sharper, questions that pried their way under your skin.
Ā
You didnāt always have answers. Sometimes you didnāt need them. He seemed to like thatāthe silence, the way you didnāt force the space between you to be filled with noise.
It became traditionāafter the rehearsals, after the city lights burned low and the night stretched thin, youād find yourselves at the old conservatory. He never explained why he took you there; maybe he didnāt need to. It was just yoursāa place that belonged to the quiet spaces between midnight and dawn.
The conservatory was a ruin of shattered glass and ivy-choked walls, lit only by the fractured moonlight that spilled in through the broken ceiling. At its heart stood a willow treeāits branches heavy and whispering with secrets, draped low as if to shield you both from the world outside.Ā
Regulus would sit with his back against the trunk, legs stretched out, cigarette balanced between his fingers. Youād sit across from him, knees pulled to your chest, shoes tucked into the cracked marble.
You never quite asked why this place. But there was something unspoken about itāan untouched softness in the way he leaned his head back against the bark, eyes closed as if listening to something only he could hear. His voice was always softer there, less jagged, unraveling in lazy curls of smoke and half-spilled confessions.Ā
He talked about the band, about Sirius, about the feeling of weight pressed into his chest that wouldnāt go away, not even when he screamed the lyrics raw.
He never looked at you when he spokeāhis eyes were always on the leaves above, like they held answers he couldnāt quite reach. And you never pressed him for more. There was an understanding, something woven between the roots of that willow tree, something neither of you would dare disturb.
But the more you went, the longer you stayed. Rehearsals bled into midnight walks, and midnight walks bled into hushed conversations beneath swaying branches. His shoulder would brush yours more often, his fingers lingering just a little longer when he passed you a cigarette. And when he smiled, sharp and slow, you felt it in the hollow of your ribsāsomething aching, something wanting.
There, beneath the willowās whispering canopy, it almost felt like the world had cracked open, just a little, just enough to let something raw and glimmering slip through.
"Are you trying to kill yourself?!"
The words cut through the air with a weight neither of you are ready for. They land between you like shrapnel, heavy in the silence that follows.
Regulus freezes. The bottle in his handāsomething dark and lethalāclinks against the counter as he sets it down, his eyes flickering up to yours with disbelief, his expression hard and unreadable.
"What the hell did you just say?" His voice is low, sharp, but thereās a tremor underneath, something vulnerable and raw he doesnāt want you to see.
You swallow hard, crossing your arms over your chest, trying to steady the quake inside you. "You heard me." Your voice cracks just slightly, and you curse yourself for it, but it doesn't stop. "The pills, the drinking, the fights, the constant nights out until you can't stand. Youāre a wreck, Regulus. You donāt even look like you care about your own damn life anymore."
He laughs, bitter and dark. Tilting his head back, he downs the rest of the bottle in one swift motion before slamming it on the counter with a loud crash. "You think I care?" he spits out. "Since when do you care?"
You take a step forward, voice rising despite the knot in your stomach. "I care because Iāve watched you slowly fall apart. Iāve watched you shut everyone out like youāre trying to bury yourself in whatever darkness you think you deserve. And Iām not standing by anymore, Regulus. Not while Iām watching you do this to yourself."
His eyes darken. "You donāt know anything about me," he growls, turning away, running a hand through his hair in frustration. You hear the tremor in his voice, the tightness in the way he speaks, but the barrierās still thereāhe doesnāt want to break.
You canāt stop yourself. "I know youāre not this... not this person."
He flinches, like your words are more painful than anything physical. His hands tremble for just a moment before he shoves them in his pockets. "You really think Iām the same person you knew before all of this?"
"I think youāre still the same Regulus underneath all the bullshit," you say, your voice steady, but you feel itāthe crack in your own heart. "I think youāre just... drowning, and I canāt watch you do it alone."
His laugh is hollow. He looks at you then, eyes sharp and hard, but somethingās breaking behind them. "You want me to be someone I canāt be," he whispers. "Iām not that person anymore, and you wonāt like whatās left when you peel away all the layers."
You step closer, just a few inches, and this time, he doesnāt back away. You reach for him, your fingers brushing his arm gently. His body goes still, and for a moment, you swear he stops breathing.
āI donāt care about who you think youāve become,ā you say softly. āI care about who you are right now. And right now, Iām here. Iām not going anywhere.ā
He doesnāt respond, his jaw clenched so tight you hear the bones grind beneath his skin. His gaze falls to the floor, and for a moment, you think heās going to say somethingāanythingābut instead, he just exhales, a long, shaky breath, like heās holding back.
Before you can say another word, his knees buckle, and he falls forward, collapsing against you in a way you arenāt prepared for. You donāt have time to think before his weight presses against you, his hands reaching out blindly, gripping your shoulders as his body shakes with silent sobs.
You catch him instinctively, one arm wrapping around his back to steady him as you guide him to sit. Your chest tightens with a kind of grief you hadnāt anticipated. āRegulus,ā you whisper, your voice cracking with the weight of what youāre seeing. āIām here. Itās okay.ā
His face is buried in your shoulder, and you feel him tremble with every breath, his body shaking like heās been holding this inside for too long. His grip tightens around you, afraid youāll vanish if he lets go.
Itās then that you hear itāa soft, broken whisper, barely audible but unmistakable. āIām so tiredā¦ā His voice cracks, and for a second, itās like all the walls heās built around himself come crashing down.
You hold him tighter, rubbing soothing circles on his back, trying to offer what comfort you can. āI know you are,ā you murmur softly, pressing your cheek to the top of his head. āI know.ā
For a while, thereās nothing but the sound of his breath and your heartbeat, both so loud in the quiet room. He doesnāt say anything else, but his grip on you doesnāt loosen. He stays there, like a man lost at sea, holding onto the one thing that feels real, even if just for this moment.
You know that nothing is ever simple with him. But as you sit there, cradling him in your arms, you canāt help but wonder how much of this is fate. How many lifetimes has he hurt like this? How many times has he tried to bury himself, only for you to find him again, just as you always do?
The thought catches you off guard, like a faint memory that brushes against your mind but slips away before you can grasp it. You push it back, though, not ready to explore whatever that meansānot when heās like this, breaking in your arms.
And for just a moment, you let yourself think that maybe, just maybe, this time will be different. This time, youāll be able to help him piece himself back together.
His breath hitches again, and you feel the small tremor of his fingers, like a silent plea for something you canāt fully understand. But you do understand one thing: thisāhim, you, hereāis all that matters right now.
āItās okay,ā you whisper again, holding him tighter. āWeāll figure it out.ā
Though you donāt know it yet, thereās something in his eyesāa flicker of something ancient and new, lingering there, unspoken.
The room is still, save for your steady breaths and his, now slow. His face rests in the crook of your neck, the warmth of his skin against yours. His body, no longer shaking with emotion, still carries the tension. His hands, once clutching you desperately, now rest lightly on your waist, tracing circles as if reassuring himself youāre real.
You let him stay there, the silence speaking louder than words. After a long stretch of quiet, his head lifts, his eyes dark and lost. Thereās a rawness, an openness that makes your heart ache.
The vulnerability heās showing, the cracks in the walls heās built, feel like a gift. Heās letting you in, even if just for this moment.
Regulus shifts slightly, pulling away to look at you. His eyes trace your face, like heās memorizing it, afraid youāll disappear if he blinks. For the first time, the usual arrogance is gone. Itās just him, stripped down to raw humanity.
"You know," he says quietly, his voice rough, like heās still holding everything inside, "tomorrowās the concert."
You nod, your hand gently running through his hair, soothing him without a word. Itās automatic, as if itās always been this way.
His lips twitch into a faint smile. "Iām supposed to get up there and perform like nothingās wrong. Like Iām not... a mess." His voice trembles, not in anger, but in something deeper.
You donāt respond immediately, just holding him, letting the moment stretch between you. The night is still, the hum of the city muffled.
"Will you be there?" His voice is quieter now, vulnerable in a way heād never let anyone see. The question is heavy, an admission of his need for you, even if he canāt express it fully.
You donāt hesitate. "Youāll always find me, Regulus. If you look closely enough."
His eyes soften, just a touch, and for a fleeting second, you see something akin to peace in them, something that has always been buried beneath layers of pride and pain. Thereās a spark there, a warmth, as though heās finding something he didnāt know he was looking for.
"I donāt know if Iāll ever be enough for you," he murmurs, the words so quiet you almost miss them. But you hear them, and they settle in your chest like a tender ache.
You lean in, your forehead gently pressing against his. "Regulus," you say softly, your voice barely above a whisper. "Youāre already more than enough. Donāt you see that?"
He closes his eyes for a moment, as though absorbing your words, letting them sink deep inside him. When he opens them again, thereās something almost fragile in his gaze, a look that both terrifies and comforts you all at once.
The moment lingers between you two, heavy and sweet. For a while, neither of you speaks, the only sound the rhythm of your breathing, mingling in the soft silence.
Finally, Regulus shifts, pulling away just slightly, his hand brushing against your cheek as he looks at you. Thereās a new depth to him, something raw and real that heās never allowed anyone to seeāespecially not himself.
"Iāll find you," he says quietly, almost as if itās a promise. His voice holds something more than resolve, more than just a simple statement. Thereās a kind of trust in it, an unspoken bond.
You nod slowly, your hand wrapping around his wrist for just a moment before letting go. "You always do," you whisper back, and this time, you feel itāsomething deep, something unshakable, the threads of your connection pulling tighter with every word.
As the silence stretches between you two again, itās different nowāmore than just a moment of comfort. Thereās something more, something building, something inevitable. And though neither of you says it out loud, you both know that tomorrowās concert, with all its chaos and noise, wonāt be the same without this, without the unspoken promise that youāll always be there.
And as Regulus leans in to press a soft kiss to your forehead, itās not just the end of a momentāitās the start of something you canāt name yet, but you know will shape everything that comes after.
The morning passed in fragments of sunlight and easy conversation, both of you reluctant to break the delicate silence from the night before. But by afternoon, the world came crashing backāthe buzz of rehearsal, frantic calls from managers, the roar of fans outside the venue hours before the show. The chaos swept you up until you found yourself back in the green room, the hum of adrenaline filling the air.
Regulus sat at the mirror, elbows propped on the vanity, fingers tapping a restless rhythm on his knee. His eyes flickered up when you approached, and something in his expression softened just a little.
"Figured you could use some help," you said, holding up the eyeliner pencil with a grin.
He scoffed, a touch of arrogance. "Think I can't do my own makeup?"
You rolled your eyes and stepped closer, standing between his knees. "I think you like it better when I do it," you replied, teasing.
He didn't argue. His legs shifted, making room for you, and his hands settled lightly on your hips. You tilted his chin up, your thumb brushing his jaw, the room shrinking to just the two of you, the soft, hazy light reflecting off the mirror.
The eyeliner glided over his skin, smudging perfectly along his lower lash line. His gaze stayed on you, unblinking and intense, as if it were pressing into you.
The door swung open, and Barty and Evan walked in, buzzing with pre-show energy. Barty tossed a half-smoked cigarette aside and snickered. "Would you look at that? The Regulus Black, nervous? Thought I'd never see the day."
Evan smirked, leaning against the wall. "Whatās the matter, mate? Scared youāll forget the lyrics? Or just worried you might actually smile out there?"
Regulus shot them a glare, but there was no real venom in it. "Piss off," he muttered.
Barty winked at you. "Careful with that eyeliner, darling. Wouldn't want him batting his eyes too much on stage. Might start a riot."
You suppressed a laugh, finishing the last stroke, stepping back to admire your work. "Perfect," you whispered. His eyes met yours, and for a moment, it was just the two of you again, the world blurring at the edges.
He reached out, fingers gently wrapping around your wrist, pulling you closer. His thumb brushed the inside of your palm, slow and deliberate. Then, softly, almost like a secret, he leaned in. His lips pressed against yours, warm and feather-light, stealing the breath from your lungs. It was brief but aching with promise, and when he pulled back, his voice was low and uncertain.
"Will you let me take you out after the concert?" His eyes searched yours, a vulnerability flickering there, like he was terrified of your answer.
A slow smile spread across your lips, and you nodded, fingertips brushing his jaw. "You already know the answer, Regulus."
His shoulders relaxed, and something eased in his expression. You saw the knowing glances Barty and Evan exchanged behind you, but you didnāt care. For a moment, the world outside the dressing room didnāt exist. It was just the two of you, suspended in a sliver of time where nothing else mattered.
Barty cleared his throat dramatically. "Well, well, if it isnāt the birth of a love story," he crooned, and Evan smacked him upside the head, grinning. "Donāt mess up your eyeliner out there, Black. Wouldn't want your little muse to see you all smudged up."
Regulus rolls his eyes but doesnāt let go of your hand, squeezing it once before finally releasing you. His voice drops to a whisper, meant only for you. "Front row, yeah?"
"Front row," you promise, and the world roars back to life around you, the concert mere minutes awayābut the real show, you think, is just beginning.
The night wraps itself around you like an old familiar song, each beat pulsing through your chest as you slip into the crowd, heart thrumming with the hum of anticipation. You can still feel the warmth of Regulusās kiss, his soft promise lingering on your skin as if it were part of the very air. You try to shake it off, try to focus on the moment, but itās impossible when every thought seems to be tethered to him, to that quiet, powerful connection that never fully lets you go.
Remus nudges your shoulder as you make your way through the throngs of people, his voice a light, teasing note in the noise around you. āReady to see Slytherin tear it up?ā
You smile, but itās tinged with something deeper, something heavier. āYou know I am,ā you reply, though your voice is soft, almost distant, pulled into the pull of the night.
The venue swarms with energy, the crowd a living thing, each person a pulse in the same rhythm. You find yourself at the front row, drawn to the stage like the inevitable pull of gravity. The air crackles with tension and excitement, the promise of something electric hanging on the edge of every note thatās yet to be played. You donāt know if youāre more nervous for the performance or the unspoken promise between you and Regulus that seems to pulse with every beat.
The lights above you flicker, and then, in an instant, everything stops.Ā
The lights blazed emerald and silver, sharp as shattered glass, spilling over the stage in jagged patterns. The curtains peeled back like a secret unfolding, and the crowd detonatedāa single, roaring beast that surged forward with the force of a wave crashing against rock. Bodies pressed and jostled, hands stretching toward the stage like it was salvation itself. The room was suffocating with sweat, smoke, and the tang of adrenaline, vibrating with the hum of anticipation that crackled through the air like static before a storm.
Barty emerged first, drumsticks twirling between tattooed fingers, grinning like a man with a secret. He held his arms out wide, basking in the screams that rattled the walls, before throwing himself behind the kit with the grace of someone who was born there. He cracked his neck, tapped the sticks together four times, and the crowd screamed with every countāone, two, three, four.
{play tell me im a wreck by every avenue}
The first beat slammed through the room, a thunderous crack that shook the floorboards. The lights pulsed in time with it, flashing green and silver like lightning strikes. Bartyās hands blurred over the drums, each strike sharp and deliberate, like he was carving out pieces of the universe and hurling them into the room.
Evan stepped out next, a cigarette dangling from his lips, bass slung low over his hips like it belonged there. His fingers teased the strings, coaxing low thrums that snaked through the floor and crawled up your spine. He took a long drag, blowing smoke into the air with a languid kind of elegance, eyes flickering out over the crowd with detached amusement. But the second his fingertips danced along the neck of the bass, his whole expression changedālips curling, eyes darkening, like heād just come alive.
The crowd screamed louder, fists pounding against the barricades, voices clawing through the air. The stage lights flared brighter, catching the sweat that slicked across skin, the glitter smudged beneath eyes, the desperate clawing hands that reached and reached and reachedālike if they just tried hard enough, they could touch the edge of eternity.
And then he walked out.
Regulus stepped onto the stage, all midnight leather and silver rings, curls falling over his eyes like smoke. He moved like he owned the world, like the stage wasnāt just his homeāit was his kingdom. He grabbed the mic stand with a lazy sort of confidence, head tipping back, jawline sharp enough to cut through glass.
The screams rose to a fever pitch, clawing at the air, and he just smiledāslow and dangerous, like he knew exactly what he was doing.
You felt it, the way the whole room shifted, bending around him like gravity.
His eyes scanned the crowd, indifferent and sharp, until they snagged on you, lingering for just a heartbeat longer than necessary. A flicker of somethingārecognition, curiosity, a dare.
Then his gaze slid away, and he raised the mic to his lips.
The room seemed to hold its breath.
He leaned in, voice pouring out like molten silver:
I could have been easier on youā¦
The words dripped from his mouth, low and smooth, weaving through the crowd like smoke curling through air. His fingers tightened around the mic, rings gleaming under the lights as he stepped forward, head tilted, eyes half-lidded like he was singing a secret.
I could have been all you held ontoā¦
The roar from the crowd swelled, hands reaching up, bodies pressing tighter, like they were desperate to drown in the sound of him. The guitar screamed to life behind him, snarling and vicious, and Barty hammered the drums with reckless joy.
I know I wasn't fair⦠I tried my best to care about youā¦
Regulusās eyes flickered shut, and he leaned into the words, pouring them out like a confession, like he was carving pieces of himself out just to throw them to the crowd. Sweat beaded at his temple, catching in the green light, and his jaw clenched, sharp and unyielding.
Evanās bassline thrummed low and relentless, filling the spaces between each lyric, wrapping the melody in something dark and steady. The crowd screamed the words back at him, hundreds of voices clawing through the air, matching his cadence, his rhythm.
Regulus stepped forward, lips curling into a smirk, and the crowd surged, bodies crashing into the barricades, hands reaching, stretching. He dropped to one knee, eyes locking with yours from across the sea of people, and for a secondājust a heartbeatāit felt like it was only the two of you. His voice dipped lower, rougher:
But I always had to have the upper handā¦
The scream that erupted was deafening, raw and unrestrained. Regulus didnāt flinch. He just leaned into the mic, silver rings glinting, curls falling over his eyes as he sang like he was pouring his soul into the lyrics, tearing it out and setting it on fire for everyone to see.
I'm struggling to see the better side of meā¦
His voice cracked, just a little, just enough, and you felt it like a punch to the chest. He was bleeding on that stage, every word a wound, and the crowd devoured it, hungry and unrelenting.
The chorus hit like a lightning strike, shaking the room to its foundations:
When you tell me I'm a wreck⦠you say that I'm a mess⦠How could you expect anything less?
He threw his head back, hair wild, eyes shut, voice cracking on the high notes as he poured everything into it. The crowd screamed the words back, fists punching the air, bodies swaying and crashing like waves.
Evan stalked forward, cigarette crushed under his boot, fingers dancing along the bass strings, and Barty slammed the drums with the kind of reckless abandon that made your heartbeat stutter. Regulus looked out over the crowd, eyes dark and glittering, lips curling around each word like it was something dangerous.
You latched onto me⦠then cried I strung you alongā¦
He took a step back, dragging his fingers through his curls, eyes finding yours for a sliver of a momentāsharp and deliberate. His mouth curled into that familiar smirk, like he knew exactly what he was doing, and you felt your breath catch.
I told you when you asked⦠I knew this wouldn't lastā¦
The lights flared, spilling green fire across the stage, casting shadows over his jawline, his collarbones, the sharp lines of his leather jacket. He looked like something carved out of midnight and broken dreams.
The final verse hit hard, slamming through the crowd with the force of a storm. Regulusās voice dipped lower, rougher, his grip on the mic tight enough to turn his knuckles white. His head bowed, curls falling forward, and for a moment, it was just himāthe music, the lights, the crowd screaming his name.
I guess you never knew me at allā¦
The last beat crashed like thunder, rattling through your bones, and the lights dropped out, plunging the room into shadow. The crowd erupted, screams clawing at the air, desperate and hungry for more. Regulus stayed still, chest heaving, head bowed, curls hiding his eyes. And when he straightened, just before the lights flared back to life, you could have sworn his eyes found yoursāsteady, sharp, and burning with something you couldnāt quite name.
The concert ended with a roar that shook the floor, lights flaring one last time before the stage plunged into darkness. Regulus vanished into the shadows, the crowd still chanting his name. Your heart hammered as you pushed through the throng, slipping past swaying bodies and spilled drinks, weaving your way backstage.
The hallway buzzed with leftover energyāroadies hauling cables, crew members barking orders, laughter spilling from doorways. You moved through it all, unnoticed, until you found the dressing room marked with a crooked silver star, his name scrawled beneath it.
You pushed the door open. Inside, leather jackets were draped over chairs, sheet music scattered across tables, half-empty bottles of whiskey lined up on the vanity. And there he was, perched on a stool, hair damp with sweat, leather jacket slipping off his shoulders.
But he wasnāt alone.
A woman stood beside him, fingers tangled in his hair, red lipstick bright against her smile. She held a comb, murmuring something that made him laugh, low and husky. Her nails trailed down his neck, slow and familiar, and he just leaned back, eyes half-lidded, mouth curled in that lazy smirk.
Heat flared in your stomach, sharp and bitter, clawing its way up your chest. Her laugh rang out again, fingers lingering at the back of his neck. He didnāt flinch, didnāt pull awayājust smiled like it was the most natural thing in the world.
Before you could stop yourself, you stepped forward, clearing your throat.
Regulusās eyes snapped to you, sharp and alert, and something flickered thereāsurprise, maybe, or relief. His smile softened, just a fraction, but it was enough. āThere you are,ā he murmured, like youād just saved him from drowning.
The hairdresser glanced over her shoulder, eyes raking over you from head to toe with barely concealed disdain. She straightened, hand slipping from his shoulder, but her expression didnāt falter. āDidnāt realize you had company,ā she said, voice syrupy sweet, but her eyes stayed locked on you, unblinking.
You forced a smile, stepping closer until you were right beside him, hands slipping into your pockets to hide the clench of your fists. āYeah, well, Iām full of surprises.ā
Regulusās eyes flicked between the two of you, amusement sparking to life in the dark green. āI wouldnāt test her,ā he drawled, leaning back in the chair, one brow raised. āShe bites.ā
The hairdresserās smile twitched at the corners, but she stepped back gracefully, comb still in her hand. āIāll be around if you need me,ā she said, her voice feather-light, gaze lingering on Regulus for a moment too long before she turned and strutted out of the room.
Silence settled like dust in the wake of her departure. You stared after her, jaw tight, heart still thrumming with leftover adrenaline and something you didnāt want to name. Regulus watched you, eyes glittering with something sharp and knowing. āWhat was that?ā he asked, voice lazy and dipped in amusement.
You shrugged, gaze still fixed on the door. āNothing. Just didnāt want you to be late.ā
He raised a brow, lips quirking. āRight. Didnāt seem like nothing.ā
You finally turned to him, arms crossed over your chest. āSheās awfully familiar with you,ā you said, trying for casual and landing somewhere closer to defensive.
Regulus just grinned, slow and unhurried, leaning back in the chair until it creaked. āYou jealous?ā he asked, voice softening, gaze never leaving yours.
Your cheeks flared with heat, and you rolled your eyes, stepping further into the room to avoid his stare. āIn your dreams, Regulus.ā
He watched you, eyes heavy-lidded, mouth tilted in that infuriating smirk. āFunny,ā he murmured, voice dropping lower, like a secret pulled between you. āYou seem like something out of mine.ā
The room went still, his words hanging between you like a thread stretched too tight. You swallowed hard, fingers curling into your palms as you met his gaze head-on. He didnāt look away, didnāt blink, just watched you with the kind of intensity that made your heart stumble over itself.
āCāmon,ā he finally said, voice breaking the tension. He stood up, hands smoothing down the lapels of his jacket, hair still tousled and messy from her hands. āI promised you something, didnāt I?ā
You blinked, the world snapping back into motion. āYeah,ā you replied, voice steadier than you felt.
He moved to the door, pausing with his hand on the frame, glancing back at you with a tilt of his head. āBetter not keep me waiting,ā he murmured, voice low and edged with something electric. His gaze dipped to your lips for a fraction of a second before snapping back up. āIāve got a date tonight, and Iād hate to be late.ā
Regulus hadnāt let go of your hand the entire way out of the venue. The air outside was sharp with the bite of evening, cooling the flush that still painted your cheeks from the concert lights. You walked side by side through the London streets, his fingers still loosely laced with yours, neither of you mentioning it, neither of you daring to break the spell. The city thrummed around you, neon lights flickering, cars rushing by in streaks of silver and red, but it all felt far awayādistant and unimportant. His hand was warm and sure, his thumb tracing idle patterns over your knuckles as you turned a corner, the street narrowing, growing quieter, softer.
Finally, he stopped in front of a narrow building tucked between two bustling shops. Its exterior was all dark wood and curling ironwork, dripping with ivy that tangled down from the window ledges. The sign above the door read The Violet Hour in delicate script, its edges worn with time.
āHere?ā you asked, brow raised, voice hushed by the intimacy of the place.
He nodded, his hand slipping from yours only to push open the door with a flick of his wrist. A bell chimed softly as you stepped inside, the warmth and scent of coffee and lavender wrapping around you like a velvet cloak. The place was small but elegant, dripping with Victorian charmācrystal chandeliers, dark wood furniture, velvet armchairs in jewel tones. The walls were lined with oil paintingsāsunlit gardens, sprawling estates, and river landscapes that looked like they were plucked straight from a dream.
Regulus watched your reaction with something like pride, lips curving up when you turned to him, eyes wide. āDidnāt take you for the tea party type,ā you teased, taking in the delicate porcelain cups set neatly on each polished table.
āThereās a lot you donāt know about me,ā he replied easily, voice smooth and dripping with that careless charm. He nodded to the back corner where a small, rounded table waited, framed by ivy-draped windows that overlooked the river. But before you could take a step, he reached behind the counter, where a wrapped bouquet satāstark white blooms nestled in parchment paper, tied with a silver ribbon.
Night jasmines.
You blinked, taken off guard, as he handed them to you, the petals still damp with morning dew, the scent sweet and heavy. āI didnātā¦ā you started, fingers grazing the paper, eyes flicking back to him. āYou didnāt have to do this.ā
He shrugged, slipping his hands back into his pockets. āI wanted to.ā
There was no smile, no wink, just that steady, unyielding gaze, like he was daring you to argue. But you didnāt. You couldnāt. The blooms were perfect, delicate, their fragrance winding around you, making the whole room feel softer, quieter.
He led you to the table, holding out the chair for you before taking his own. The chandelier above flickered, casting soft shadows across his face, sharpening the curve of his jaw, the cut of his cheekbones. His fingers drummed lightly against the table, restless energy bleeding through the cracks of his calm faƧade.
For a moment, you let your gaze wander, trailing across the paintings that hung like secrets along the walls. One in particular caught your eyeāa river landscape, stretching endlessly across a canvas of gold and sapphire. Two figures sat by its edge, backs turned to the viewer, close enough that their shadows bled into each other.
Regulus followed your gaze, his eyes softening as they landed on the painting. āDo you like it?ā he asked, voice low, almost a murmur.
You nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat. āThereās something about it... It feels familiar.ā
He smiled, soft and fleeting. āItās one of my favorites.ā His eyes lingered on the painting, something unspoken passing through his expression. āI like to think theyāre waiting for something. Or someone.ā
You looked back at the painting, studying the lovers by the riverās edge. āOr maybe theyāre just waiting for each other.ā
Regulusās gaze snapped back to you, something tender and raw flickering in his eyes. āYeah,ā he whispered, voice hushed like a secret. āMaybe.ā
The tea arrived, delicate cups clinking against porcelain saucers. He poured it for you, hands steady, eyes never leaving yours. You sipped quietly, the warmth spreading through you, anchoring you to the moment. His gaze was unyielding, soft but sharp, like he was memorizing the curve of your mouth as you took another sip.
āWhat?ā you asked, setting the cup down, heat rising to your cheeks under his stare.
He leaned back, stretching his legs out, eyes still fixed on you. āIām just thinking.ā
āAbout?ā
He tilted his head, considering you for a long moment. āHow strange it is that youāre here,ā he said softly, his voice slipping beneath your skin, tangling with your heartbeat. āLike Iāve known you for a long time. Longer than I should.ā
You swallowed, fingers curling around the bouquet of night jasmines. āI was thinking the same thing.ā
A smile ghosted across his lips, slow and secretive. āMaybe weāve met before.ā
You raised a brow, leaning forward just slightly. āYou believe in fate, Regulus Black?ā
He chuckled, low and dark. āNot fate. But maybe⦠something.ā He looked down at his hands, a flicker of something almost fragile crossing his expression. āI donāt believe in coincidences.ā
A pause stretched between you, heavy with unspoken things. You couldnāt look away, didnāt want to. His eyes were searching, peeling back the layers you thought youād hidden well, and you wondered if he saw it tooāthat inexplicable familiarity, like youād crossed paths in another life.
"Thank you for the flowers," you said softly, just to break the silence, just to breathe again.
He smiled, fingers toying with the edge of his cup. "I wanted you to have something beautiful."
The conversation flowed easily after that, winding through lazy anecdotes and silences that felt more comforting than empty. He told you about the first time he picked up a guitar, how the strings bit into his fingertips until they bled, how he learned to love the sting of it.
You told him about your favorite hidden spots in Londonāthe old bookstore with dust-draped chandeliers, the hidden garden behind the wrought-iron gate where willow trees dipped low, whispering secrets to the water.
He listened with an intensity that made you feel like you were the only person in the world. And you realized, with quiet awe, that Regulus Black held onto thingsāmoments, words, glancesālike they mattered.
When the tea had long gone cold and the staff began closing up, he walked you outside, the night air cool against your skin. The streets were empty, washed in moonlight and silence. For a moment, neither of you moved, lingering in the doorway of The Violet Hour as if stepping away would shatter the fragile magic between you.
He held the door, waiting for you to step out first, but you paused, turning back to him. "Thank you for tonight," you said softly.
Regulus's eyes softened, his hand still resting on the doorframe. "It's not over yet," he murmured, stepping out to join you.
The bouquet of night jasmines hung between your fingers, petals brushing your wrist like a whisper. His gaze flickered to it, then back to you. "Do you want to walk for a bit?"
You nodded, and he fell into step beside you. The city was quiet, the hum of cars a soft backdrop to your footsteps. You wandered without aim, his voice spilling into the stillness as he spoke of lyrics and late-night studio sessions, of how he always seemed to be awake when the world was sleeping.
The conversation ebbed and flowed, softening as you walked, until it settled into silence. Not the awkward kind, but the kind that made you feel like youād slipped into a dream. He stopped at a bridge, leaning his elbows on the stone railing, eyes fixed on the river winding dark and glittering beneath you.
āBeautiful, isnāt it?ā you murmured, coming to stand beside him.
He glanced at you, moonlight catching the sharp lines of his face. āYeah,ā he said, voice softer now. āIt is.ā But he wasnāt looking at the water.
A shiver crawled up your spine, but you didnāt pull away. His gaze held you, steady and searching, like he was memorizing the shape of your eyes, the way the light curved against your skin. You wondered if he could hear your heartbeat, wild and unsteady beneath your ribs.
Before you could speak, he reached out, brushing a stray hair from your cheek, his fingers lingering just a moment too long. āYou have this look,ā he said quietly, his voice dropping to a murmur. āLike you belong somewhere else. Someplace⦠softer.ā
You swallowed, the weight of his hand still warm against your skin. āMaybe Iām exactly where Iām supposed to be.ā
He blinked, surprise flickering across his features before it softened into something more tender, more vulnerable. His hand dropped back to his side, and he cleared his throat, gaze flicking back to the river. āGuess Iāll just have to make sure of that.ā
A smile broke free before you could stop it, and he caught it, his eyes crinkling just slightly at the corners. The air between you felt charged, electric, humming with words unspoken. You didnāt move, neither did he. The city seemed to pause, holding its breath as if waiting for something to shatter.
But then he stepped back, shoving his hands into his pockets. āI should walk you back,ā he said, voice low and rough around the edges.
You hesitated, part of you wanting to reach out, to take his hand again. But you nodded, falling into step beside him as you made your way back through the winding streets. The silence was heavier now, charged with unspoken promises, with threads you werenāt sure how to untangle.
At your doorstep, he paused, hands still tucked away in his coat pockets. āYouāll be around?ā he asked, voice softer, almost hesitant.
You looked up at him, feeling the weight of his gaze settle on you like a familiar ache. āYouāll always find me, Regulus,ā you whispered, something ancient slipping into your voice, something you couldnāt name. āIf you look closely enough.ā
His eyes flashed, something sparking there, quick and sharp. But he didnāt say anything, just nodded once, the shadow of a smile curving his lips. āGoodnight,ā he murmured, voice rough like smoke.
āGoodnight,ā you replied, the door clicking softly behind you, but his silhouette lingered on the other side for a heartbeat longer before disappearing into the night.
One date turned into two, two into three, and before you realized it, weeks bled into months, your days knitted together with threads of conversation and starlight. Heād take you to studio sessions, where youād sit curled up on the worn leather couch, watching as he poured his soul into lyrics that felt like confessions.Ā
His bandmates grew used to you, nodding in acknowledgment when you slipped into the room, always with that bouquet of night jasmines heād given you, now pressed into the pages of your favorite book.
Some nights, he would show up at your door, hair mussed and eyes wild, dragging you out into the night with nothing but a grin and the promise of adventure. Other nights, youād sit in silence, curled up on his couch, his head resting in your lap as you combed gentle fingers through his hair, the weight of the world slipping off his shoulders for just a while.
Regulus Black, the rockstar with the sharp eyes and sharper words, had become a constant. A rhythm in your life that you didnāt want to lose, didnāt know how to lose. And somewhere in the quiet spaces between the chaos, youād realized youād fallen for him.
For Regulus, it starts quietly. A whisper of something warm curling in his chest whenever you laughāreally laugh, unrestrained and wild, head tipped back and eyes crinkling at the corners. He isnāt sure when it begins, exactly.
Maybe itās that night on the rooftop when you look out over the city like you own every fractured light, whispering the kind of secrets you donāt tell just anyone. Or maybe itās that afternoon in the hidden garden behind the studio, your dress catching in the breeze as you twirl beneath the willow trees, unburdened by the weight of expectation that seems to press on everyone else.
Regulus begins to notice things. The way your fingers drum absentmindedly against your thigh when youāre deep in thought, mirroring the rhythm of whatever song is stuck in your head. The way you always pause before you speak, like you want to taste the words before offering them up. He likes that about youāthat you never speak just to fill the silence.
But itās more than that. Itās the way you never flinch from his darkness, the way you meet it head-on, unafraid. The way you see past the sharp edges and the carefully constructed walls, down to the parts of him that still bleed from old wounds. Regulus isnāt used to someone staying. He isnāt used to someone seeing the cracks and not running the other way.
Some nights, when the world grows too heavy, you show up at his door unannounced, rain-slicked and shivering, a smile bright enough to cut through the London fog.
He pulls you inside, draping a blanket over your shoulders, hands lingering just a little too long. You tell him you couldnāt sleep, that the city feels too loud, too restless. And he makes you tea, sitting beside you on the couch, his shoulder pressed against yours as the rain streaks the windows. You donāt talk much. You donāt need to.
When the nightmares claw their way backāshadowy remnants of memories he canāt quite shakeāyou never pry. You just sit with him, steady and unyielding, your hand slipping into his, grounding him.Ā
He hates how he shakes, how the dreams steal the breath from his lungs and leave him raw and frayed. But you never look at him with pityāonly patience. Only understanding.
Sometimes, when the trembling wonāt stop, you pull him close, your hand stroking through his hair, whispering words he canāt quite hear but needs all the same. He doesnāt realize how much it matters, how much you matter, until you start showing up before he can even call.
And sometimes, when the strain of tour life drags him underāwhen the late nights blur into early mornings and the weight of expectations presses too hardāyou steal him away. You pull him out of the noise, the crowds, the chaos. You drive aimlessly through the city, windows down, music loud enough to drown out his thoughts. You never push him to talk. You never ask for explanations. You just hand him your lighter when his hands shake too badly to find his own and lean your head back against the seat, eyes closed, humming softly to whatever song crackles through the speakers.
He doesnāt tell you, of course. He barely tells himself. But he feels it growing, unfurling like wild ivy across his ribcage, wrapping around his heart, squeezing just enough to make him ache.
Soft isnāt something he has ever been. But when youāre around, itās harder to keep his edges sharp. He finds himself laughing more. He finds himself caring more. He finds himself reaching for your hand without thinking, seeking out your gaze when the room gets too loud, the world too heavy.
It terrifies him. It consumes him. But for the first time, Regulus doesnāt feel like running.
Because youāre there, right at his side. And even when he stumbles, even when he falls into the darkness that sometimes claws its way up his throat, you pull him back. Quietly. Gently. Like itās the easiest thing in the world.
And Regulus, who has only ever known how to destroy, finds himself wanting to hold on.
The days bleed into one another, heavy with the weight of unspoken things, of glances that linger too long and touches that ache with the promise of something more. But itās there, hanging over you both like smokeāyour departure, the unraveling thread neither of you has dared to tug.
You slide into the seat across from him, and thereās a pause, thick and suffocating. You donāt want to say it. You donāt want to shatter whatever fragile thing youāve built between you, but the truth is a living, breathing thing, clawing up your throat.
āIām leaving in three days,ā you finally say, the words dropping between you like stones.
Regulus doesnāt move. His fingers tighten around the cup, knuckles whitening, but his eyes stay locked on yours. āRight,ā he says, voice flat. āThree days.ā
You want him to fight. You want him to tell you itās ridiculous, that you canāt go, that London is your home now, that he is your home now. But he just sips his coffee, gaze unwavering, mouth pressed into a thin, unforgiving line.
āThatās it?ā you press, your voice sharper than you intend. āThatās all you have to say?ā
āWhat do you want me to say?ā His tone is razor-edged, cutting and cool. āYou want me to beg?ā He leans back, crossing his arms, a picture of indifferenceābut his eyes, those storm-tossed eyes, tell a different story. āYou were always going back, werenāt you? This was justā¦a holiday.ā
You flinch, fists curling in your lap. āYou know thatās not true.ā
āDo I?ā He laughs, sharp and humorless, and it cuts right through you. āBecause it feels like youāve been planning this for a while. Like you knew you were going to walk away, and you just let meāā He stops himself, jaw clenched, eyes slipping away from yours.
āLet you what?ā you whisper, voice trembling. āLet you care? Let you feel something?ā
His silence is answer enough.
āGod, youāre impossible.ā Your hands shake as you reach for your coat, stuffing your arms into the sleeves with frantic, angry movements. āYou know what your problem is, Regulus?ā
He raises an eyebrow, arms still crossed, gaze infuriatingly steady. āEnlighten me.ā
āYouāre a wreck,ā you spit out, voice cracking. āYouāre an absolute wreck, and you hide behind thisāthis mask of indifference like itāll make you hurt less, but it doesnāt. You push people away before they can hurt you, and then you sit there and wallow in your loneliness like itās some kind of penance.ā
His jaw tightens, eyes flashing. āStop.ā
āNo,ā you say, voice rising, fists trembling at your sides. āIām tired of being careful. Iām tired of pretending like youāre fine when youāre not. Youāre not fine, Regulus. Youāre a mess. You drink too much, you smoke too much, and you donāt sleep. You think I havenāt noticed the way your hands shake sometimes? The way you flinch when you think no oneās looking?ā
āShut up.ā His voice is low, dangerous, but youāre too far gone now, the floodgates wrenched open.
āAnd you know what?ā you continue, leaning forward, palms flat against the table. āYou push me away now because itās easier. Because itās easier to ruin it before it can hurt. Thatās what you do, isnāt it? Destroy things before they can destroy you.ā
He slams his hands on the table, and the cups rattle, a few patrons turning to look. But neither of you care. Not anymore. His eyes are wild now, desperation bleeding through the cracks. āYou donāt know me,ā he hisses, voice trembling. āYou donāt know anything.ā
You laugh, the sound brittle and raw. āDonāt I?ā You straighten, grabbing your bag and throwing it over your shoulder. āThen why does it hurt so goddamn much, Regulus?ā
His breath catches, and for a moment, you think youāve reached him, that youāve cut through the armor and touched something real. But then he straightens up, brushing invisible dust from his jacket, expression smoothing over like glass. āHave a nice flight,ā he says coolly, voice steady and indifferent.
You stare at him, at the way his hands clench at his sides, the way his jaw works like heās biting back words that could split you both open. And for a second, just a second, you swear you see itāa flicker of something in his eyes, something ancient and aching, like the echo of a promise left unfinished. But itās gone before you can name it.
The rain is relentless. It drums against the windowpane with a kind of desperation, as if it too is pleading for you to stay. You donāt listen. You shove another sweater into your suitcase, cramming it down until the zipper strains. Your hands are shakingāuseless things that fumble with the fabric, that wipe at your eyes even though the tears wonāt stop coming. Youād promised yourself you wouldnāt cry, but the sob claws its way up your throat anyway, jagged and unyielding.
The knock at the door is gentle. Not demanding, not sharpājust a soft, considerate tap that nearly undoes you right there. You freeze, hand clenched around the strap of your bag, willing yourself to stay quiet. Maybe if you pretend youāre not here, if you stay perfectly still, theyāll leave.
But of course, they donāt. The door creaks open, and Sirius steps inside, rain-slicked and wild-eyed, with Mary close on his heels. Her eyes are wide, mouth parting in something like disbelief when she takes in the mess of your roomāthe open suitcase, the scattered clothes, the plane ticket peeking out from beneath your coat.
āOh, sweetheartā¦ā she whispers, voice cracking on the words. She crosses the room in two quick strides and pulls you into her arms.
You go stiff at first, arms pinned awkwardly to your sides, but Maryās hands are gentle, and her grip is fierce. You fold into her, just a little, and something in you gives. A sob rips from your chest, raw and broken, and she just holds you, rubbing slow circles into your back.
Sirius hovers by the doorway, hands shoved deep into his coat pockets, eyes cast to the floor. When you finally pull away from Maryās embrace, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand, he looks up. Thereās no anger there, no sharpnessājust understanding, soft and unyielding.
āSo,ā he says quietly, his voice careful like heās handling something fragile. āThis is it, huh?ā
You nod, swallowing hard. āIāI just need to go,ā you whisper. āThereās no point in dragging it out.ā
He sighs, running a hand through his hair, sending droplets scattering onto the floor. āYou donāt have to explain yourself to me.ā His voice is softer than youāve ever heard it, and it cracks something in you that you werenāt prepared for. āIf you need to go, you go.ā
Maryās hand finds yours, squeezing gently. āAre you sure you want to leave today? Youāve still got a few days left⦠You donāt have to rush off.ā
You shake your head, blinking back the tears. āIf I stay⦠if I stay, I wonāt leave.ā The admission comes out broken, shattering between you, and Mary just nods, like she understands exactly what you mean.
āDid you tell him?ā Sirius asks gently, though his eyes already hold the answer.
āNo,ā you whisper, voice cracking. āI canāt.ā
He nods slowly, stepping forward to wrap you in his arms. Itās unexpected, the warmth of it, the way he just holds you, steady and sure. You didnāt expect it, but maybe you should have. Sirius has always been braver than anyone gives him credit for.
āYou do what you need to do,ā he murmurs against your hair. āWeāll be here.ā
You nod into his shoulder, and he holds you just a moment longer before pulling back. His eyes are red-rimmed but steady. He looks like he wants to say something more, but Mary steps forward first, her eyes glassy with unshed tears. āPromise youāll call when you get there?ā
āI will,ā you say, and the words are ironclad, binding.
She pulls you in for one last hug, whispering something you donāt quite catch against your hair. It feels like goodbye. It feels like breaking.
When you pull back, Sirius hands you your coat. āIāll walk you to the car.ā
Outside, the rain is still coming down, sheets of water pooling on the slick pavement. Sirius holds an umbrella over you as he walks you to the waiting cab, silent but solid at your side. When you reach the door, he turns to you, his gaze soft and knowing.
āYouāre stronger than you think,ā he murmurs. āYou always have been.ā
You nod, throat too tight to speak, and climb into the backseat. The door closes with a soft click, and Sirius taps the roof twice before stepping back, his figure blurring through the rain-slicked glass.
You donāt look back. Not even when the car pulls away, not even when the city blurs behind you in streaks of gray and gold. You just watch the rain splatter against the window and wonder if itās really possible to miss someone who isnāt yours to keep.
The airport is suffocating. The lights are too bright, and the air smells like stale coffee and goodbyes. You stand in line at the check-in counter, arms wrapped tightly around your chest as if you could hold yourself together just by squeezing hard enough. People move around youāfamilies chattering in rapid bursts of excitement, business travelers tapping impatiently at their watches, lovers tangled in lingering embraces. Youāre just another face in the crowd, just another person leaving.
You fumble with your ticket, the paper crumpling in your grasp, and you can feel your heartbeat in your throatāthick and heavy. It drowns out the muffled announcements overhead, the distant hum of engines.Ā
You donāt even remember handing over your passport or weaving through security. You just follow the blur of people, head down, eyes fixed on your feet as you make your way to the gate.
Itās only when youāre settled into the stiff leather of the airplane seat that you let yourself breathe. You turn toward the window, pressing your forehead against the cool glass, and watch as rain streaks down in thin rivers.Ā
London blurs before you, all fog-drenched buildings and glittering streetlights. You think of him. His hands, ink-smudged and calloused; the way heād look at you sometimes, like you were something heād been searching for his whole life without realizing it.
You donāt realize youāre crying until you feel the tear slip off your chin, a warm trail against the chill of your skin. You swipe at it, quick and irritated, but the motion draws the attention of the woman sitting beside you.Ā
Sheās old, with hair like silver threads pinned back with delicate combs, and eyes the color of river stonesāsharp and knowing. Her hands are folded neatly in her lap, fingers adorned with rings that look older than you are. Thereās a soft-spoken elegance about her, like she belongs somewhere ancient and untouched by time.
āTough flight?ā she asks after a moment, voice rich and slow, like sheās in no rush to get anywhere. Her accent is lilting and soft, dusted with something foreign and familiar all at once.
You swallow thickly, nodding. āSomething like that.ā
The woman hums, leaning back in her seat, her eyes not leaving your face. āItās the leaving thatās the hardest part,ā she says. āAlways has been.ā
You nod again, throat too tight to speak. You fish your phone out of your pocket, scrolling through photos like youāre searching for something to hold onto. Your finger stops on oneāblurry and crooked, taken backstage during one of Slytherin's rehearsals. Regulus is in the middle of laughing, eyes crinkled, hair falling messily into his eyes. Heās holding a cigarette in one hand and flipping off the camera with the other, and youāre just off-frame, your arm visible around his waist. You stare at it, thumb brushing over the screen like you could touch him, just for a moment.
The woman leans over slightly, peering at the image. āHe looks at you like you hold the sky,ā she murmurs, and you blink, startled.
āWhat?ā
She straightens up, smoothing out invisible creases in her dress, her gaze never wavering. āPeople donāt look at someone like that unless theyāve known them a long time,ā she continues, voice soft and sure.Ā
āLonger than a lifetime, sometimes.ā Her eyes turn distant, like sheās remembering something long buried. āSome loves are carved into the marrow of your bones. You canāt shake them, even if you try.ā
Her words send a shiver down your spine, sharp and sudden. āI donātāā You pause, your voice cracking. āI donāt think Iāll ever see him again.ā
The womanās smile is a little sad, like she knows something you donāt. āThe universe has a funny way of bringing back whatās meant to be found,ā she says.Ā
āSometimes in pieces, sometimes all at once. But always, always, in its own time.ā Her hands fold gently in her lap, rings glimmering under the pale overhead lights. āYou know, Iāve lived a long life. Iāve seen people come and go, cross paths and lose each other, only to find their way back again. Sometimes it takes lifetimes.ā
You stare at her, the words clinging to you like mist, threading themselves into the cracks of your heart. āLifetimes?ā you echo softly.
She nods, her eyes twinkling with something that feels almost like mischief. āOh yes, my dear. Souls that are meant to find each other always do. One way or another.ā She pauses, then tilts her head, her gaze sharpening. āWhatās your name, darling?ā
You hesitate for a moment, the answer caught in your throat before you finally release it. āY/N.ā
Her smile deepens, something gentle and knowing threading through the lines of her face. āY/N,ā she repeats, tasting your name on her tongue like itās something familiar. āIām Dalia.ā
āNice to meet you,ā you manage, voice cracking slightly.
āThe pleasureās mine.ā She adjusts her rings, glancing back out the window. āHold on to that picture,ā she says softly. āSometimes, a memory is all you need to find your way back.ā
You donāt know what to say, so you just clutch your phone tighter, your fingers whitening around the edges of it.Ā
You think of Regulus. His hands, his laugh, the way he looked at you like you were something fragile and powerful all at once. You wonder if heās thinking of you now, cigarette dangling from his lips, dark eyes staring out over the London skyline.
The planeās captain crackles over the intercom, announcing the descent. You press your lips together, nodding at Dalia before turning back to the window. London is a maze of lights beneath you now, vanishing inch by inch into clouds and distance.
When the plane finally lands, your hands are trembling. You fumble for your phone, nearly dropping it as you swipe to Regulus's contact. You hesitate, your thumb hovering over the call button, heart thrumming like itās about to break right out of your chest. Then, before you can think better of it, you press call.
It rings. Once. Twice. Three times.
You hold your breath, eyes squeezing shut, his name burning against the screen.
But thereās nothing. Just the hollow, empty echo of his voicemail, his voice scratchy and distant: āYou know what to do.ā
You navigate through the crowd on autopilot, head bowed, hands clenched tightly around the strap of your bag. Outside, the sky is smeared with twilight, the city humming beneath it, stretching wide and indifferent.
Youāre just about to step out onto the curb when your phone vibrates in your pocket, a sharp jolt against your hip. You pull it out, screen flickering to life. A notification flashes, bright and unyielding. Slytherin Live at the O2 Arena ā Tonight, 8 PM.
You glance at the clock in the corner of your screen. 7:52 PM.
Eight minutes.
Your breath catches, sharp and sudden, your fingers curling around the edges of your phone. Itās happening. Right now, across the Atlantic, Regulus is stepping onto a stage under a thousand lights.Ā
You can almost picture it: the crowd screaming his name, the low hum of the bass reverberating through the floor, the way heād roll his shoulders back just before he took the mic, eyes sharp and cutting through the darkness.
You swallow hard, blinking away the sting in your eyes. Eight minutes. Heās probably backstage right now, cigarette dangling from his lips, letting Barty fix his collar while Evan jokes around in the corner. Maybe his hands are shakingāhe always got nervous before a show, though heād never admit it.
You donāt realize youāre staring until the cab driver honks from the curb, impatient. You blink, snapping back to the present, stuffing your phone into your pocket. Outside, the city waits for youāloud and bright and pulsing with life. But your mind is still somewhere else, somewhere under Londonās stormy skies, with him
-
Somewhere in London, the city thrummed with electric light, neon signs flickering like fractured stars against the midnight haze. The streets were aliveāpulsing with the rhythm of footsteps and laughter, headlights carving paths through the mist. And in the heart of it all, beneath the glow of towering marquees and thunderous roars of anticipation, a stage waited, shimmering with promise. Somewhere in London, Regulus Black was about to sing.
The stadium was a living thingāpulsing, breathing, screaming. Lights splintered across the dark, casting shattered constellations onto the walls and ceiling. Regulus stood in the center of it all, head bowed, fingers tight around the microphone like it might slip away if he loosened his grip even slightly. His chest rose and fell in slow, measured breaths, but his heart was racing, drumming wildly against his ribs.
Barty slapped him on the back, laughter sharp and bright. āYou ready for this, Rockstar?ā
Regulus didnāt answer. His eyes were somewhere far away, somewhere with cracked sidewalks and jasmine blooms, with cigarette smoke curling lazily between soft-spoken secrets.
The countdown began. Three fingers, then two, then one. The crowd roared, a beast made of thousands of voices, and the curtains drew back. The lights flared, and Regulus stepped forward, the noise slamming into him with the force of a tidal wave. But he stood steady, unmoved, eyes scanning the massesānot for them. For her. And she wasnāt there.
He raised the mic, and the crowd fell silent, the hush spreading like wildfire until all that was left was his breath crackling through the speakers. He hesitated, jaw clenched, then spoke.
āI, uhā¦ā he started, voice unsteady. He exhaled sharply, squeezing his eyes shut for half a second before opening them again, gaze sharp and unyielding. āBefore we start, I want to dedicate this one. To a girl out there... in Brooklyn.ā
The crowd murmured, whispers flitting like moths through the dark, but Regulus held up a hand, and they stilled. He swallowed hard, eyes bright beneath the stage lights. āIām not good at this,ā he confessed, voice shaking just enough to catch.
Ā āIām not good at... saying the things that matter when they need to be said. But sheāshe made me want to be better. She made me want to try.ā His eyes swept the crowd, as if daring anyone to look away.
āSheās not here tonight. I donāt blame her.ā He gave a small, humorless laugh. āIf I were her, I wouldnāt want to be here either.ā His gaze dropped to the floor, and for a second, he seemed to forget there were thousands watching, waiting, hanging on every word. āBut if you can hear me, if somehow youāre listening... Iām sorry. For all of it. For being a wreck. For not being good enough to hold onto you.ā
The silence stretched, a heartbeat, then two. He licked his lips, voice lowering into something raw and broken. āBut I love you. I love you in this life, and I swear, I swear Iāve loved you in every life that came before this one. And if thereās another after, Iāll love you then too. Iāll find you. Iāll always find you.ā His voice cracked on the last word, and he sucked in a breath, sharp and jagged.Ā
āBecause youāyou are the only place I have ever called home.ā
{very much suggest listening to only place i call home by every avenue, here!!!}
The audience erupted, screams and cries like crashing waves, but Regulus just stood there, eyes locked on the mic, fingers curled tight. āThis oneās for you,ā he whispered, just loud enough for the words to shiver through the speakers. āI hope youāre listening.ā
The first strum of the guitar hummed low and aching, sliding into the melody like a promise, and Regulus closed his eyes, the words spilling out of him like confession:
Leaving your tears on my shoulder while your eyes beg me to stay
We were finally changing It's our luck, we're a little too late
I'd take you with me if there was a way Sorry, don't cut it so I sayā¦
His voice cracked, raw and unrestrained, bleeding into the music with a desperation that rattled the stadium walls. But it wasnāt the crowd he was singing to. It was her. It had always been her.
Take all of your doubts
You can throw 'em out
You may be untrue, but I know I'm always coming back, you can bet on that
You're the only place I call home.
The lights flared, illuminating his faceāsharp angles softened by anguish, eyes closed as if he could see her there if he only tried hard enough. He poured himself into every line, every word, as if the song itself could bridge the distance, as if the lyrics could bleed into her skin, settle into her bones, make her understand what he never could say when she was in front of him.
Near or far, where you are is where I want to be
Every lonely night
Every drunken fight
Couldn't make it right, I know If it hurts you bad, put it on my tab I can pay it back tenfold
You're the only place I've ever called my home.
His eyes squeezed shut, head tilting back as the drums crashed around him, the guitar screaming through the speakers like thunder. He could feel it, that ache that stretched across lifetimes, that weight pressing heavy on his chest.
If I had my way, youād fill these empty beds
Someday I'll come back for you And never leave again.
His voice climbed higher, a prayer, a promise, one hand pressed to his chest like he was holding himself together with sheer will alone.
Take all of your doubts
You can throw 'em out
You may be untrue, but I know
I'm always coming back, you can bet on that
You're the only place I call home.
The final note hung in the air, vibrating through the silence, lingering like the echo of something sacred. His head dropped, curls spilling forward to hide his eyes, and for a heartbeat, there was nothing but stillness. A held breath. A whispered promise.
Then the crowd exploded, screams rising like a wave, crashing against the stage with unyielding force. Regulus didnāt move. His shoulders heaved with every breath, fingers still clenched around the mic. His eyes fluttered open, and for a moment, he looked out over the masses as if searching, as if he still believed she might be there.
But she wasnāt.
And in the echo of the crowd, in the roar of thousands of voices calling his name, Regulus had never felt more alone.
The roar of the crowd still pulsed like a living thing, echoing through the walls of the venue, but Regulus was already slipping through the backstage chaos, his heart hammering with something that felt like hope and desperation intertwined.Ā
Glittering lights and muffled shouts of celebration blurred around him, fading into static as he pushed past roadies and stagehands, barely hearing their congratulations, their shouts of triumph. His mind was somewhere elseāhalf a world away, where he hoped she still waited. Where he hoped she still wanted him.
Outside, the London night stretched wide and endless, fractured by the rain that came pouring down in relentless sheets, slicking the streets with shimmering rivers of light. He pulled his hood over his head, ignoring the way the water clung to his lashes, his hands shoved deep into his pockets as he strode toward the parking lot.Ā
His footsteps splashed in shallow puddles, the cold biting through his boots, but he didnāt slow down. He couldnāt.
His hands shook as he reached into his coat pocket, fingertips grazing the edges of a plain white envelope. It felt heavier than paper shouldālike it carried the weight of every unsaid word, every reckless heartbeat, every lingering regret.Ā
It was wrinkled and smudged from where heād held it too tightly, her name written across the front in his slanted handwriting, softened by the brush of his fingertips.
"Regulus!"
The voice cut through the patter of rain. He turned sharply to find Sirius standing under the dim glow of the streetlamp, the light casting long shadows across the puddles at his feet. His hair was damp, sticking to his forehead, and his coat was pulled tightly around him, darkened by the downpour. "Where the hell are you going?"
Regulus paused, his breath a cloud of mist between them. For a moment, neither spoke. The rain dripped from the edge of his hood, tracing icy lines down his cheeks, and somewhere in the distance, thunder rumbled low and deep.
"Iām going to Brooklyn," Regulus said finally, voice raw but certain. He took a step forward, fingers still tight around the envelope. "I already booked a flight. Leaves in a few hours."
Siriusās brow furrowed, disbelief flickering across his face. "Are you out of your mind? You just walked off stage, Regulus. What the hell are you doing?"
Regulusās jaw clenched. He looked down at the envelope in his hand, the corners crumpled from how tightly heād been holding it. "I have to find her," he whispered, voice soft but threaded with something unbreakable.Ā
"I love her, Sirius. I love her in ways I didnāt even know I could. And Iāve been a bloody coward. Iāve been selfish and cruel andā" He exhaled, shaking his head. "But I canāt let it end like this. I wonāt."
Siriusās gaze softened, something tender slipping into the sharp lines of his expression. He stepped closer, rain dripping from his collar, hands shoved deep into his coat pockets. "You really think you can fix it?"
Regulusās eyes darkened with resolve. "I have to try," he murmured. "I should have tried sooner."
A silence stretched between them, thick and heavy with unspoken things. Finally, Siriusās eyes flicked to the envelope. "Whatās that?"
Regulus hesitated. His thumb traced the edge of it, slow and deliberate. "Itās...everything I never said. Everything I wanted to but couldnāt. Itās hers," he whispered, voice catching. "It always has been."
Sirius nodded, and for a moment, there was something almost fragile in his gazeāan understanding that neither of them spoke aloud. He reached out, clapping Regulus on the shoulder before his grip tightened, pulling him into a hug. It wasnāt the kind of embrace they were used toāthe rough, back-slapping sort that masked feeling behind bravado. This was unguarded, raw, Siriusās arms wound tightly around him, like he was afraid that if he let go, Regulus might slip right through his fingers.
Rain pounded against their backs, soaking through layers of fabric, but neither moved. Siriusās hand came up to clasp the back of Regulusās head, fingers curling gently as if trying to hold the moment together. "You bring her back," Sirius murmured, voice gruff with the kind of emotion he rarely let show. "You make it right."
Regulusās breath shuddered, his hands fisted into the back of Siriusās jacket. "I will," he whispered fiercely. "I swear it."
The hug broke with a reluctant pull, Siriusās eyes shining with something too heavy for words. Regulus stepped back, nodding once, the rain masking the way his eyes stung.
Ā He turned on his heel, striding through the downpour toward his car. The headlights flickered to life as he threw the door open, sliding into the driverās seat, rainwater pooling beneath his feet.
He barely registered the wetness that clung to him, his fingers clenching around the steering wheel, his eyes fixed straight ahead as the engine roared to life. Tires splashed through puddles that glittered like fractured glass. He glanced at the passenger seat, expecting to see the envelope perched there, but he didnāt notice its absence.
The rain blurred the city lights as he pulled out of the lot, headlights slicing through the sheets of water pouring from the sky. His heart pounded with something fierce and unrelenting as he hit the motorway, eyes fixed on the road that stretched out before him.
Behind him, Sirius stood beneath the rain, water slipping down the collar of his coat, pooling at his feet. His eyes flickered to the ground where they had stood, to the glimmer of white paper half-soaked by the rain, ink smudging and bleeding at the edges. The envelope lay crumpled on the asphalt, abandoned in the urgency of the moment.
"Regulus!" Sirius shouted, voice cracking against the howl of the storm. He bent down, scooping up the envelope, shielding it with his coat. "You forgot this!"
But Regulus was already gone. The taillights of his car blinked once before disappearing entirely into the rain-soaked night, swallowed by distance and desperation.
Sirius stood there, chest heaving, fingers clutched tightly around the soaked envelope. His jaw clenched, and he stared after the place where his brother had vanished, the rain pouring down like a thousand unspoken regrets.
And in his hands, the envelope dripped rainwater, ink bleeding like the echo of words that still waited to be said.
Rain bled from the sky in furious torrents, the kind that blurred the world into streaks of silver and shadow. Regulus gripped the steering wheel with hands that shook, knuckles white, veins taut beneath pale skin.Ā
His foot pressed hard on the accelerator, the engine roaring against the howl of the storm, and still, it wasnāt fast enough. The rain smacked against the windshield, a thousand tiny fists, blurring the city lights into fractured constellations that smeared past his windows, and still, it wasnāt enough.
Iām coming. The thought thrummed in his mind, a heartbeat, a prayer, a promise. Iām coming, Iām coming, Iām coming. He repeated it like a mantra, like it could bring her closer, like it could reach across the ocean and drag her back to him. His chest ached with it, ribs splitting under the weight of longing, sharp and unyielding.Ā
His phone buzzed beside him, vibrating violently across the cracked leather seat, Siriusās name flashing again and again. He ignored it the first three times. He couldnāt thinkānot with her face burned into the back of his eyelids, the way she had looked at him, eyes rimmed red, voice cracking with the weight of goodbye.
Youāre a wreck, Regulus.Ā
He squeezed his eyes shut, knuckles whitening against the steering wheel. I know. I know. But Iām trying, I swear it. The rain crashed harder, sluicing down the windows in angry rivers, and his phone buzzed againāpersistent, relentless. He grabbed it with one hand, fingers fumbling against the screen. āWhat?ā he snapped, voice cracking like shattering glass.
āYou absolute idiot,ā Siriusās voice crackled through the line, urgent and raw. āYou left the letter.ā
The letter.Ā
His breath punched out of him, knuckles slackening just slightly against the wheel. Heād written it the night before she left, hands shaking so badly heād nearly torn the paper. It had taken him three attempts just to get her name right. He hadnāt slept. Heād just sat at his desk, scribbling and scratching out lines, pouring everything onto that single page: the things he couldnāt say, the things he hadnāt been brave enough to whisper when she looked at him with those eyes that saw right through him. Heād poured every raw, aching thing into itāhow he loved her in this life, how he would love her in every life, how he would find her if it took him until the end of everything.
And heād left it behind.
āReg,ā Sirius said, softer now, but the edges of his voice trembled. āCome back. I have it. Iāll bring it to you. Justāslow down, okay? Just slow down.ā
Regulusās gaze flickered to the passenger seat, empty and rain-slicked with water pooling in the seams. He could see it there, folded neatly, her name written in his jagged scrawl, edges creased from his restless hands. He should have told her. He should have given her something real. He blinked hard, the rain blurring into white streaks across his vision. āI canāt,ā he breathed, the words cracking on the edges. āI have to get to her.ā
āRegulusāā
āI have to get to her, Sirius. Iāā His breath came out ragged, shaking. He could barely hear his own voice over the thundering rain, over the roar of the engine beneath him. āI love her.ā
He said it like a confession, like a prayer, like an apology. The line went silent for a heartbeat, just the sound of rain crashing like waves against the windshield. Then Sirius exhaled, shaky, fractured. āThen come back. Weāll figure it out. Just turn around.ā
But Regulus was already shaking his head, even though Sirius couldnāt see him. āI canāt,ā he whispered, voice hollow. āI wonāt lose her.ā
The rain screamed against the car, drumming its fists against the roof, blurring the world into streaks of gray and shattered light. Water pooled in the dips of the road, headlights shattering off slick pavement in jagged lines like broken glass. He pressed the gas harder, the engine growling, the needle on the speedometer quivering as if caught between fear and fate. His hands were iron on the wheel, knuckles pale, veins thrumming with something raw, something desperate.
The phone lay in the passenger seat, screen aglow with Sirius's name, voice spilling through the speaker like a lifeline fraying at the edges.
Regulus's eyes were pinned to the road, heart a wild, unsteady thing in his chest. āI canāt,ā he breathed, voice taut with something unspoken. āI canāt. I have to get to her.ā
āYouāre going to get yourself killed,ā Sirius snapped, voice cracking around the edges. āJust wait out the storm. Call her back. Sheāll understand.ā
But she wouldnāt. She couldnāt. Not when she didnāt know. Not when he hadnāt said it yetānot properly, not in a way that could be held and kept and replayed a thousand times over.Ā
He thought of her in Brooklyn, waiting by the phone, her fingertips brushing the cord like it could somehow tether him back to her. He thought of her eyes, wide and wondering, the way sheād looked at him like he was something holy, like he was more than just the broken pieces he pretended not to be.
And then he saw itāthe truck, barreling through the intersection, headlights flaring like dying stars. He slammed the brakes, but the rain had turned the world to glass, and the tires shrieked against it, slipping, sliding.
Time fractured. It splintered like bone, cracking open to show him everything heād never have: her smile in the morning light, her fingers brushing through his hair, the way she whispered his name like it was something fragile and worth keeping safe.
He saw her spinning in the rain, barefoot and laughing, saw her curled up beside him, tangled in sheets and moonlight.Ā
He saw Brooklyn, brick buildings and graffiti-stained alleys, the apartment window with the crooked blinds and the potted tulips she insisted would bloom despite the cold.
The world tilted. Metal screamedāan unholy sound, something that came from the center of the earth, ripping through steel and bone and memory.
The windshield exploded into a thousand shimmering fragments, glinting like tiny stars as they scattered. His head snapped back against the seat, breath shuddering out of him like a final confession.
The car spun once, twice, the headlights casting dizzy arcs of light before slamming into something immovable.
His phone lay shattered on the floor, Siriusās voice tinny and desperate, crackling through the speaker. āRegulus! Say something! Please, just say something.ā
Rain dripped through the broken windows, pooling across the leather seats, washing away blood and glass and regret. The headlights flickered once, twice, then surrendered to the dark.
Somewhere, Sirius was still screaming his name, voice cracking, splintering, breaking apart like the sky.
But there was only the rain. Only the slow, relentless rhythm of it, whispering against the pavement like a requiem. Only the sound of it washing over everything heād left unfinishedāthe letter still clenched in Siriusās hand, her name smudged with rainwater and the inked promise of a thousand lifetimes that would never come.
Sirius's voice cracked through the static, a thread of hope unraveling into despair. "Please," he whispered, and the rain answered for him, soft and unyielding.
Somewhere in Brooklyn, the phone would ring and ring, its call unanswered, its promise unfulfilled.
And the jasmines would bloom anyway, bright and stubborn against the gray, as if hope could grow in the absence of everything.
Seven Years Later.
London is colder than you remember. The rain hasnāt stopped since you arrived, slipping down glass panes like ghosts running from the sky. The city is heavy with fog, the kind that clings to your coat and settles in your lungs, turning every breath into smoke. You pull your scarf tighter around your neck, hands trembling from the chillāor maybe itās something else entirely.
Itās empty, of course. The small, round table by the window that overlooks the street. You make your way over, fingers brushing the back of the chair before you sink into it.
The seat sighs beneath your weight, as if it, too, remembers. As if it, too, is holding grief in its bones.
Outside, London breathes with its usual indifference. Cars push through puddles, umbrellas bloom and fold, people blur past in streaks of grey and black. You watch them for a while, eyes unfocused, chin resting on your hand. Time moves differently here. It always has.
The waitressāMargot, you think her name isāapproaches with a gentle smile. Sheās older now, hair streaked with silver, eyes still as soft as you remember. āBack again, love?ā she asks, voice hushed as if anything louder might shatter you.
You nod, forcing a smile that doesnāt quite reach your eyes. āBack again.ā
Margotās gaze flickers to the empty chair across from you, and something like pity settles into her features. āThe usual, then?ā
āYes, please.ā
She disappears into the back, leaving you alone with the rain and the silence and the memory of him. You pull your hands into your lap, fingers brushing against the edge of the envelope.
Itās worn now, edges fraying, the ink smudged from where your hands have held it too tightly, too often. Regulusā handwriting sprawled across the front, looping and sharpāTo My Fate
You hadnāt opened it. Not yet. Not ever. It had arrived a week after the crash, left on your doorstep with Siriusās handwriting scrawled on the side: I think this belongs to you.
You remember the way his voice had cracked when he handed it to you, eyes rimmed red and jaw clenched like he was holding the whole world together with his teeth.
You run your thumb over the edges of the letter, feeling the weight of it press against your palm.
Seven years, and you still canāt bring yourself to look inside. Seven years, and the wound still bleeds, fresh and aching, every time you think of him.
You glance up, and your breath catches. For a moment, just a flicker, you could have sworn you saw himāleaned back in that chair, legs stretched out, arms crossed over his chest.
His hair would be a little longer now, maybe. Heād probably still wear those ridiculous rings, the ones that clinked against guitar strings when he played. Heād still smile like it hurt, all soft edges and unspoken things.
But heās not there. He never is.
The tea arrives, steam curling from the surface like whispers, and you thank Margot with a nod. She hesitates before leaving, her hand squeezing your shoulder gently, as if she knows. Maybe she does. Maybe sheās seen the way you come back here every year, how you sit alone and watch the rain and hold that letter like itās the only thing keeping you tethered to the earth.
You look back out the window. Across the street, a willow tree leans heavy with rain, branches dipping low enough to brush the pavement. Your chest tightens.
You donāt cry. Not anymore.
Your fingers curl around the letter. Itās soft from age, familiar in your hands, and you know if you opened it, if you unfolded the paper and looked at his words, it would unravel you.
Seven years of distance would collapse into a heartbeat, and youād be nineteen again, watching him on that stage, your heart in your throat and his voice cracking like he meant every word.
āI may be a wreck, but Iām a wreck for you.ā
Your tea has gone cold by the time you finally press the letter to your lips, eyes slipping shut. Itās raining harder now, the sky split open with grief. You breathe him in like smoke, like memory, like something you can still touch if you close your eyes tight enough.Ā
You wonder if heās out there somewhereāmaybe in another universe, maybe in another lifeāwaiting for you by some rain-soaked airport, headlights flashing through the fog, hands tapping nervously against the steering wheel.Ā
You wonder if youāll find him there, if youāll run to him this time. If maybe heāll still have that envelope pressed against his chest, creased and worn, your name scrawled across the front in his looping, reckless handwriting.
And then, like a whisper from a dream, Dalia's voice drifts back to you from that airport terminal, the memory of her eyes so steady, so knowing: āSome loves are not bound by time, my dear. Some loves are stitched across lifetimes, always finding their way back, no matter how many times theyāre lost.ā
You shudder out a breath, clutching the letter tighter, like it might slip through your fingers and vanish into the fog. And yet, you still hold onāstill keep that crumpled envelope pressed to your chest as if the words inside are the only thing keeping you tethered.
And maybe thatās all love really isāwaiting.
Ā Holding on when thereās nothing left to hold. Believing, even when the world tells you to forget.
You breathe out softly, fingertips brushing the edge of the envelope, and for a momentājust a momentāyou swear you hear his voice in the rain, whispering your name like a promise.
Somewhere, deep in the folds of your heart, he is still waiting at the airport. Still chasing you through the rain. Still driving too fast and holding on too tightly.
And you whisper back, voice breaking on the syllables: Iām still here.
To My Dearest Y/N,
Iāve tried writing this a thousand times. Crumpled pages, scratched-out lines, ink smudged from hands that never stop shaking when it comes to you. I donāt even know where to begin. Maybe with that first nightāthe one where you dragged that cigarette like you had something to prove. I still think about the way you laughed after, smoke curling around your smile, and how I felt like Iād been set on fire. I never told you, but Iām glad you did it. Iām glad you were stubborn enough to stay.
Iāve written songs for you. Pages of lyrics tucked away in notebooks, scrawled across the backs of receipts and napkins. I never played them for you. I was always too afraid youād hear the parts of me I wasnāt ready to say out loud. But theyāre all about you. Theyāve always been about you. You make everything else fade away. When you walk into a room, I forget how to breathe. I forget everything except the way you look at me, like Iām something softer than I really am.
I think about you singing sometimes. About your voice carrying through the room, unafraid and unbroken. I think the world would stop if it could hear you. I promised you I'd make you sing for me one day and I plan on doing that. I know I would.Ā
You always said I was reckless, a mess of sharp edges and bad habits. You werenāt wrong. But for you, Iād try. For you, Iād make sense of all the chaos. Iād carve out a place for you in all the parts of me I never let anyone see.
I donāt know how to say this without sounding like a fool, but I love you. Iāve loved you since that first night, I think. Maybe even before then. Maybe in some life I donāt remember. I love you in ways I canāt undo, in songs I havenāt sung yet, in words Iām still too afraid to say. I love you, and Iām done pretending I donāt. Iām yours if you want me. Iām yours, even if you donāt.
Loving you feels like rooftops under fractured stars. Like stolen cigarettes at midnight, smoke curling in the spaces between us. Like tea dates by rain-soaked windows, your hands cradling chipped porcelain, eyes bright with something I still canāt name. Like having breakdowns in hotel rooms, broken whispers and promises made in the dark. Like dancing in secret gardens and laughing under willow trees. Like looking at paintings we can't name. Like singing songs you have no idea are about you. It feels like every song Iāve ever written, every chord thatās ever burned under my fingertips. It feels like coming home.
I hope you can forgive me. I hope youāll let me love you in this life.
Yours always, your wreck whoās foolishly in love with you,
R.A.B.
taglist: @kysidctbh @tuttifrutt1 @primroseluna
a/n: so guys? don't worry i cried too..idk why i keep doing this to myself and other people but hey! as the saying goes: if dalia is sad, she will make it everyone's problem!
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lumon's department sizes are so funny. "how many people do we need to refine some super important data?" uhhhh four i guess. at most. "what about the company marching band?" fuck ur so right. we need a company marching band with like fifty people. this is of prime importance to the lumon mission.