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*゚+。.:*☆*.。 FILED UNDER: JESSE NEEDS A BREAK.
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*゚+。.:*☆*.。 FILED UNDER: JESSE NEEDS A BREAK.
。*゚ *☆* & THIS IS WHAT THEY DO TO US.
multimuse for characters of the developing novel ‘1989′ ; written messily by jesse. S I D E B L O G // follows back from @humanetic !!
*゚+。.:*☆*.。 GET TO KNOW THE WRITER.
𝟎𝟏. 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐒 / 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄: jesse.
𝟎𝟐. 𝐁𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐇𝐃𝐀𝐘: october 23rd. i’m going to be 30 this year, goodbye.
𝟎𝟑. 𝐙𝐎𝐃𝐈𝐀𝐂 𝐒𝐈𝐆𝐍: libra/scorpio cusp.
𝟎𝟒. 𝐇𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓: about 5′7″ ??
𝟎𝟓. 𝐇𝐎𝐁𝐁𝐈𝐄𝐒: writing of course, character development for my kids/novel, vinyl collecting, watching the classics, searching for the loml~
𝟎𝟔. 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐑: gray, predominately. with a splash of neon blue & pink.
𝟎𝟕. 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊: after midnight by richard laymon - pure 80s slasher style se.x-drenched cheese.
𝟎8. 𝐅𝐀𝐕𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐎𝐃: roast potatoes, hands down. though i would take a potato in any form. & anything chocolate-orange.
𝟎𝟗. 𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐓 𝐅𝐈𝐋𝐌 / 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐖: last film: the guilty, with j.ake gyllenhaal // last show: episode 6 of altered carbon with @salvaaje ~
𝟏𝟎. 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍: honestly, growing up watching 80s and 90s action movies helps a lot, especially if they are tinged with sci-fi like ‘total recall’, ‘terminator’ is obviously a big one, ‘the running man’ ; anything cyberpunk i just soak in like a sponge, i adore it. the noir aesthetic of batman returns. a lot of it is movie based from my childhood. but also currently: altered carbon, synthwave music,
𝟏𝟏. 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐘 𝐁𝐄𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐔𝐑𝐋: listen, i’m not original okay. lukas is a human, he’s also cybernetic - you get humanetic. i just thought it flowed well !!
tagged by: @elskcv ; thank you !! tagging: @salvaaje ; @himncskur ; @mortedigna ; @shotones ; @bloodslided ; @hcrlz & anyone else that wants to !! say i tagged you ‘cause i’m nosy.
。*゚+。.:*☆* SPEAK NOW // ‘ you should have known. ’ @caestillo
*゚+。.:*☆*.。 SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED IT !! & you do. reflection of feelings, emotions that scorch your humanity bloom rejection from her -- as it seemingly always does. guards herself with poison ivy & barbed wire & broken glass, feel yourself cut ‘pon the thorns, the phantom waterfall of crimson soaking into the carpet. it’s a defense, you’re sure of it, way to protect the heart -- not hers, yours. for she constantly sacrifices herself for the good of others, brands herself merely a pawn in a game you wish to play together. doesn’t want to hurt you [ but she kills you anyway -- ] , doesn’t want heart to become shattered & yet feel it anyway, the rapid mend before it happens over again. again, again. offer yourself, mind body & soul, towards beloved ( & how she is utterly adored, despite the warring words & the sharp jabs & every fucking ounce of chaos that seems to follow behind you both -- ) // spoke of admiration, respect, worshipping ‘pon her altar & there is rejection at every turn. then: anger would billow ‘twixt flesh & chrome. see red within optics jade, the coil of metallic digits & shaking fist & pulsing jaw. none of that now. even as you are stand here, in this moment, with offering ‘pon chrome palm. delicate silver ring dangles from steel necklace, faint magenta gemstone within the middle of banding. something seen within twilight hours ( a delicate thing among the blood, the splattering of Death & decay. rose among the thorns, reminded you of her -- ) an offering of a promise: i will always be here for you, i will protect you, i will love you despite everything. despite you & me & us, i will fucking love you always. shakes her head, words barren except for four stern words. she doesn’t need any more, does she ?? [ in moments like this, she never does -- ] it is simply another rejection to put ‘pon the list of many. why form anger towards something that has become your normal ?? why not simply get comfortable with the uncomfortable ?? ❛ yeah -- i should have. ❜ & place jewellery, the token of your apparent ignorance into pant pocket. destination: trashcan [ when you can stomach it ] ❛ next time it’ll just be takeout from the chinese -- promise. ❜

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𝑳𝒀𝑹𝑰𝑪 𝑷𝑹𝑶𝑴𝑷𝑻𝑺.
↬ SPEAK NOW ( 2010 ) by taylor swift.
taken from or inspired by the lyrics of the album.
+ feel free to change pronouns !
‘ i left a small town and never looked back. ’
‘ why do we bother with love if it never lasts ? ’
‘ i can see it now. ’
‘ you are the best thing that’s ever been mine. ’
‘ we’ve got nothing figured out. ’
‘ i’ll brace myself for the goodbye, because it’s all i’ve ever known. ’
‘ you’re the kind of reckless that should send me running. ’
‘ meet me in the pouring rain. ’
‘ give me something that’ll haunt me when you’re not around. ’
‘ my mind forgets to remind me that you’re a bad idea. ’
‘ keep on keeping your eyes on me. ’
‘ i’m so glad you made time to see me. ’
‘ your guard is up and i know why. ’
‘ you gave me roses and i left them there to die. ’
‘ it turns out freedom meant nothing but missing you. ’
‘ the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind. ’
‘ maybe this is wishful thinking. ’
‘ i’d go back in time and change it, but i can’t. ’
‘ don’t say yes, run away now. ’
‘ this is surely not what you thought it would be. ’
‘ i lose myself in a daydream. ’
‘ i know you wish it was me. ’
‘ i am not the kind of boy / girl / person who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion. ’
‘ long were the nights when my days once revolved around you. ’
‘ i count my footsteps, and pray that the floor won’t fall through. ’
‘ i was losing my mind, but i swore i was fine. ’
‘ you paint me a blue sky, then go back and turn it to rain. ’
‘ you should have known. ’
‘ i took your matches before fire could catch me. ’
‘ you can take me down, with just a single blow. ’
‘ someday i’ll be living in a big, old city. ’
‘ all you’re ever going to be is mean. ’
‘ you have pointed out my flaws again, as if i don’t already see them. ’
‘ somebody made you cold, but you can’t lead me down that road. ’
‘ someday i’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me. ’
‘ i used to know my place was a spot next to you. ’
‘ lately, i don’t even know what page you’re on. ’
‘ is it killing you like it’s killing me ? ’
‘ how did we end up this way ? ’
‘ you held your pride like you should have held me. ’
‘ i’d tell you i miss you but i don’t know how. ’
‘ the battle is in your hands now, but i would lay my armor down. ’
‘ the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now. ’
‘ it’s so quiet in the world tonight. ’
‘ it could stay this simple. ’
‘ i won’t let anyone break your heart. ’
‘ i wish i’d never grown up. ’
‘ it was enchanting to meet you. ’
‘ your eyes whispered ‘have we met ?’ ’
‘ this night is sparkling, don’t you let it go. ’
‘ i’ll spend forever wondering if you knew. ’
‘ now i’m pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door. ’
‘ this is the very first page, not where the storyline ends. ’
‘ my thoughts will echo your name until i see you again. ’
‘ please don’t be in love with someone else. ’
‘ please don’t have somebody waiting on you. ’
‘ i never saw it coming, i wouldn’t have suspected it. ’
‘ you underestimated just who you were dealing with. ’
‘ there is nothing i do better than revenge. ’
‘ sophistication isn’t what you wear or who you know. ’
‘ do you still feel like you know what you’re doing ? because i don’t think you do. ’
‘ show me how much better you are. ’
‘ you really did it this time, left yourself in your warpath. ’
‘ wasn’t it beautiful when you believed in everything ? ’
‘ who you are is not where you’ve been. ’
‘ you wouldn’t be shattered on the floor now, if you’d seen what you know now then. ’
‘ you and i walk a fragile line, but i never thought i’d live to see it break. ’
‘ something made your eyes go cold. ’
‘ don’t leave me like this. ’
‘ i thought i had you figured out. ’
‘ i still mean every word i say to you. ’
‘ something keeps me holding on to nothing. ’
‘ i can’t breathe whenever you’re gone. ’
‘ you told me you loved me, so why did you go away ? ’
‘ i don’t know how to be something you miss. ’
‘ your name is forever the name on my lips. ’
‘ i feel you forget me, like i used to feel you breathe. ’
‘ i never planned on you changing your mind. ’
‘ you held your head like a hero. ’
‘ bring on all the pretenders, i’m not afraid. ’
‘ one day we will be remembered. ’
‘ long live all the magic we made. ’
‘ when they point to our pictures, please tell them my name. ’
‘ i had the time of my life with you. ’
。*゚+。.:*☆ how does your muse carry emotions? // rules: please repost, don’t reblog! bold and italicize what applies accordingly.
ANGER: jaw clenching, hands balling into fists, teeth grinding, yelling, going nonverbal, stuttering speech, rushed speech, slow concise speech, rambling, quiet, arms crossing, shaking head, tearing up, animated, expressionless, projects, internalizes, vents, withdraws, passive aggressive, direct, physical outbursts, verbal outbursts.
JOY: easy smiles, fighting back grins, suppressed laughter, loud laughter, giggles, chuckling, smirks, whole body laughs, covers mouth when laughing/giggling, throws head back when laughing, slaps leg, touches people around them when laughing, looks down when laughing, looks for eye contact when laughing, sparkling eyes, bubbly happiness, quiet subtle happiness, obnoxious happiness, wants to spread joy, quietly savors joy
SADNESS: crying, bottling it up, seeks distractions, wallows, meditates and processes, avoidance, seeks out comfort, withdraws, talks it out, internalizes it, sad smiles, depression naps, uses alcohol, uses drugs, seeks out sources of joy, fidgets with sentimental item, sits in silence, broods, gets moody, wants someone to share the misery, tries to hide negative emotions, nurtures others to make themselves feel better
EMBARRASSMENT/SHAME: blushing, looking away, rubbing at back of head, covering face, laughing nervously, laughs it off, overthinks, lets it go, self deprecating humor, deflects, gets irritated, smiles, withdraws, crossing arms over stomach, crossing arms over chest, hands in pockets, shoulders sinking, shrugs, falling into silence until comfortable again, talking a lot to compensate
GUILT: avoiding eye contact, shoulders sinking low, head hanging down, crying, chest aches, lashes out, internalizes, apologizes, deflects, communicates, withdraws, grand gestures for forgiveness, accepts fault easily, punishes themselves, martyrdom, victim complex, guilt complex, healthy conscience, internalizes even after forgiveness, seeking redemption, moves on easily, denial, lack of guilt/conscience, sorry they got caught more than caused harm, can’t handle knowing they hurt others
FEAR/ANXIETY: trembling, crying, sarcasm/sass to cope, rambles, goes silent, gets angry, fidgeting, clenching jaw, picking at nails, chewing at lip, pulling at clothes, adjusting jewelry/clothing, swallowing thickly, eyes widening, over-reacts, under-reacts, calm, logical, panic, irrational, overthinks, carefully analyzes, talks to themselves, breathing exercises, flight, fight, withdraw, fawn
tagged by: @caestillo , the qt. tagging: @salvaaje ; @mortedigna ; @himncskur ; @antvchrst ; @shotones ; @heartcarved ; @horrormaestro & anyone else that wants to, say i tagged you !!
。*゚+。.:*☆* BLOOD & MORE BLOOD // “ shit, i think i pulled my stitches ” @himncskur
*゚+。.:*☆*.。 NOTED BEFORE SHE SPEAKS, nostrils flaring / senses pricking ‘pon sudden tinge of copper within the air, gaze looming & cybernetic intel flashing ‘pon the trails of crimson that line her arm. stitches pulled from actions unnecessary !! the way she continues to breathe independence, forces herself to clean & cook ( even if only mildly -- ) despite her current condition. harbouring life, healing from the attack of your superiors. sacrifice what you once knew: void emotion, lacking care, the way vessel would walk away from someone painted in crimson. the need for first aid, help, not your problem. difference now with the warmth that radiates ‘twixt chrome & flesh, that fragile thing called love humanoid tried to avoid // another failure ‘pon the rapidly-filling list. snarl towards the stupidity, not that malice wishes to bloom for sarah -- but protection is key. offer your services, your doting words & domesticated actions, allow her to sit ‘pon couch cushioning & do absolutely nothing for the oncoming months !! anything that will shroud her in safety, & of course, the unneeded pull of metallic stitches. ❛ jävla helvete. i told you to rest. ❜ go towards her then, palm & digits of flesh, of humanity tracing against the falling blood. an easy fix, but that doesn’t cease the ache you feel, seeing the ichor, seeing her wounded. ❛ sit down, i’ll get the medipack. if you can listen to me for once, that is. ❜
oh to have someone who would keep the knife by your throat while edging you and whisper to your ear “stay still darling...we don’t want that blade to hurt you”

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himncskur:
In truth, she hadn’t thought MUCH about that strange encounter. Though the man looked like an oddly skewed copy of Lukas, it wasn’t him, shaking off an awkward meeting as a lack of sleep and raging hormones. Though it had settled in the back of her skull, threatening to metastasise with any glimmer of stress, it had remained dormant. She’s still nursing the wounds from the frantic run-in with Rebirth, she just needed some rest. Everything would be FINE. It doesn’t help how he works nights, regardless of the hours spent fussing and doting on her during the day, the moment he left for work she could feel her skin CRAWLING with the threat of what could come. The walks had helped, burn herself out before fears took over, return home with heavy limbs and will herself to crawl into bed. Fingers curling around a glass, coat slung by the door and boots not long to follow. The stench of smoke catches her first- what the hell? Lukas hadn’t smoked in the apartment since they got the news, she doubted he would take the risk when she was out. She can feel her heart rate SOAR, rushing ‘wards the doorway only to be greeted by him. The shatter of glass at feet doesn’t even startle her, transfixed on this perfectly familiar stranger settled in her home. “Y-you… you ca-can’t be here.” Suddenly, Sarah finds herself wanting to sob, petrified that this man would bring a swift end to this domestic bliss. Her voice croaks, eyes burning as she shrunk back in the doorway, hand resting to her stomach.
“Get out.” Pathetically quiet, barely a whisper. It’s as if a hand is crushing her throat, words struggling to emerge as limbs tremble. Can’t get a gun without rushing past him, with no knowledge of what he could have hidden in his grip. “Please, I-i don’t know what you want from me.”
*゚+。.:*☆*.。 THERE IS THAT TINGE OF GUILT, human nature as wavering voice & the palm ‘pon belly erupts sympathy within your marrow. the knowledge that invading personal property & demanding anything -- at least without a warrant, without any jurisdiction whatsoever -- proves heartless. desperation does funny things, mind assumes, why you sit ‘pon cushioning ( now standing, legs fidgeting, boring holes into the carpet fibres. hands wringing themselves over, over, over again ; the nicotine coursing unable to help the nerves -- ) & press her for answers she doesn’t have. why would she ?? it is you that harbours this confusion, you that harbours these thoughts & feelings. however much heart aches & soul breaks & find yourself reaching towards something that feels like yours -- it isn’t, you have no place here. [ even if the scent of cologne & metal & stale whiskey should be more familiar than you realize -- ] ❛ i don’t know what i want, i don’t --- i don’t want anything from you. i just -- ❜ an exasperation pools from dry flesh, ash-stained hand raising to course through sweat-veiled hair, the slight tug, tug again, feel the burn against your scalp ‘pon trying to find revelation. failure. does she really speak the truth ?? that she has no idea of how eyes met, how threads of FAMILY seeped into your core & spread like a fucking virus for which there is no cure ?? ( just how idiotic do you sound, felix falk !! your mother’s tone scolds within neurons, she could be here in a flash. not that it would do much, protect you, scare her further -- ) so slump against the couch again, a defeat -- not that there is any desire to leave -- palms holding the weight of a heavy head as elbows lean ‘pon knees. ❛ how can you not know ?? how -- how can you fucking not know ?? doesn’t make any sense. ❜
。*゚+。.:*☆* BLOOD & MORE BLOOD // “ do i ask questions or do i just help you clean up all this blood? ” @klarsynt
*゚+。.:*☆*.。 ❛ TECHNICALLY, YOU’RE ALREADY ASKING ONE. ❜ blood isn’t your own, the crimson that soaks into skin, chrome, the concrete of abandoned warehouse // haven for unsightly crimes & dodgy deals. where leader of lowlife pack had target placed ‘pon their back & how you pulled the trigger. not just ‘pon the leader but against every single one of them. they shot bullets & you sprayed back. elimination count: twenty six. the only consequence of your actions, the blood that he sees. not your own. it rarely ever is. ( except when beloved jabs knife again & again into stomach, sees life fading from your eyes -- does emil know of the nightmare she faced ?? ) & it isn’t his blood either. yet, couldn’t it be with ease ?? how the switch of Rebirth could flick, how cobalt glow could shift into murderous illumination, the nature of the beast. of the asset that they want you to be. what if you turn ?? questions you did not plan on answering, not with crimson dripping from fingers, boots stepping over bodies to pick up discarded weaponry potentially needed [ anything for future marks ] , do not even gaze towards him. towards one you could consider family, if your heart would let you. a friend, a brother. twin fucking flame sharing connection that cannot be broken -- unless you force it. draw the knife of words & send it barraging towards him: ❛ did maggie tell you i nearly fucking killed her -- did she tell you that i was this close ?? worst part is, don’t remember it. can’t remember a single fucking thing & yet she had to deal with my blood on her hands, my death on her fucking conscience. so i don’t want you to ask questions or help, i want you to get the fuck away from me. neither of us need to see each other again, ever. ❜ [ wonder: does maggie need to hear this too ?? ]
shotones:
@humanetic / spooky month starter call.
IT WAS ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE humans discovered it’s weakness, using it against it, forcing it to separate, to rid itself of majority of memories. now remaining but a primal instinct. smaller in shape than when it first revealed it’s true self to lukas, there is not a single shred of hesitation now as it LEAPS at him, jaw unhinging, sharp teeth SNAPPING, desperate to get to whatever flesh remains of cyborg, to consume and replicate.
*゚+。.:*☆*.。 IT’S A FOOLISH THING !! some might blame whatever humanity lays ‘neath that chrome of yours, but exposing yourself towards them. allowing trust & vulnerability to form ( the fact you now have another fucking prosthetic arm, all because of THEM -- ) how that all becomes ash as they lunge. sharp teeth, razors & blades, that threaten to consume you whole. words would be useless -- but there is a remembering. the way they flinched towards FIRE & FLAME when conversation had been light between you // when arm had been taken. so use what you have, chrome digits trying to hold back the beast, fleshy digits digging into pocket. retrieve the lighter & crack !! point amber wisp towards the one you fucking know. the one you thought was your friend. ❛ you stupid motherfucker, enough !! ❜
why are people so against negative character development? characters don’t need to improve and become better people they can get worse and make mistakes and end up in a worse state than when they began and it’s just as interesting and entertaining as characters developing positively

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。*゚+。.:*☆* BLOOD & MORE BLOOD // “ should i be concerned about why there’s blood in the sink? ” for noelle @dervoured
*゚+。.:*☆*.。 SHRUG, as if the crimson that coats steel, splatters ‘pon the backsplash & against chrome taps is nothing but mild inconvenience ( & it is, for you -- ) another job well done, another act that sees water splashing ‘pon hands the hours following & clean up of the mess you made. the blood that stains flesh & indents of chrome prosthetic, metallic gears of right hand whirring content from the lukewarm water. if gore becomes trapped within the wiring, humanoid only suffers physically as a result ; the rust of metal & the scent of copper that won’t fade. should she be concerned ?? that’s her choice. but that will not change the man you are, the work that you do. take a glance towards her, a small sigh ; less hassle for her to become concerned, if you are nothing but honest. ❛ that’s up to you, darling. but you should know by now WHY it’s there ---- some asshole who thought human trafficking was the creme de la creme of his fucking existence. six feet under now. look at me -- i’m one of the good ones. ❜ rather than you seeking the usual demise of innocence. wring hands with nearby towel then, before the inevitable throw into the blood-soaked sink. sorry, noelle.
。*゚+。.:*☆* BLOOD & MORE BLOOD // “ hold still— you’ve got blood on your face. ” @agaetir
*゚+。.:*☆*.。 ❛ NO SHIT. IT’S ALMOST LIKE I SAVED YOUR LIFE -- ❜ not that the life of a deity needs saving [ yet label yourself the bodyguard regardless ] ; the bodies that lay within the corridor testament to your oath. towards the loyalty that fiercely brands marrow, scorches emotion into chrome despite the snark that peaks. natural reflex [ try & change it -- ] they say to hold still, & you do. like a door ajar to open wider, if they wish ; to touch ‘pon the crimson that soaks your features, clean it away, do as one wants. yet there is the defense, the distancing // stubborn, the way arms fold themselves against broad chest, crimson cementing itself deeper into the lines of cybernetics. of the pores & cells of fleshy skin & the cotton of long-sleeved shirt. don’t let the snide fade just yet. don’t let your soul open too much. ❛ what are you going to do exactly ?? play nurse ?? ❜