Ohana means family

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Deziree raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow as Lilo sat on the floor. It was comical, to say the least, and had this not turned into an inconvenience for her Dezi might even have laughed. Did this girl really think that sitting on the floor was going to achieve anything other than getting her pants dirty? How childish. Unfortunately, the words Lilo said were just too personal, and absolutely none of her business.

“Does that make you feel really big and tough?” Dezi asked flatly, leaving the statement unacknowledged. She tapped her foot impatiently on the floor, well aware that eyes had turned on them already. “I think it would do you well to keep your nose out of other people’s business and move out of my way.”

Lilo scoffed, surely this girl didn’t have a consious. “You really dare to say such a thing. Truly was that the way you looked at Ella when your mother pushed her off the fucking stairs.” Lilo stood up and stood right in front of Deziree and shook her head.

“You treated her like she was a dog and a maid.” Her words were pure venom at this point. “At least show some concern for her. She is pretty much adopted by a mob gangster or something.”

Nani took a slow breath, steadying herself. She knew herself that she could be irrational at times, and that it all stemmed from a fear of loss. Nani moaned about being tired, and having too much to do, but she never asked Lilo to take on the responsibility of it all because it was Nani’s responsibility to protect and look after her sibling, not the other way around. It never occurred to her that taking away the responsibility would make her feel like she was being babied.

“Lilo, I–” Nani started, coughing to clear an uncomfortable lump in her throat. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t be treating you like a kid, because you’re not. I just never wanted you to be, I don’t know… I never wanted you to have to deal with half the things I had to learn when I was your age. You already went through enough and then I guess it just… turned into a bad habit. You’re the most important thing in the world to me, Lilo. You know that, right? I’m sorry I haven’t been treating you fairly.”

Did it sting? Yes. Was Nani trying? Also yes. And she could see Lilo was too. It broke her heart knowing just how terrible a sister she had been lately.

Nani’s brow raised when Lilo said she had a job. Uh, yeah, Nani already knew that. It was at the studio, right? Apparently not. Nani leaned back on her wrists as Lilo stood, watching curiously as she went off to rake through her cabinet. The surprise at the wad of cash she returned with was evident on Nani’s face.

“Woah, wait, hang on. Where is this other job? Why didn’t you tell me, Lilo? I need to know these things.” Nani wasn’t angry, but she was hurt that Lilo didn’t feel like she could come to her about it. (That didn’t feel very responsible, but Nani decided to keep her mouth shut on the matter.) She took the money, fanning through it. “Lilo, I can’t take that from you. Keep it. You’re not paying the electricity bill.”

Nani pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to think of a quick solution before Lilo took the objection as a denial of responsibility. “Look, okay, uh… Here’s an idea. I’m not gonna make you pay for living here- this is our parent’s house, and I know they wouldn’t want that- but if you’re serious about this then we can work out, like, dig money or something. And I’ll clear off that old notice board that fell behind the fridge, we can stick it up and figure a schedule or to-do list for chores and college. Does that sound reasonable? Hand on heart for no nagging.” She punctuated by placing her hand on her chest and raising the other.

In reality it was more than just a feeling of being babied. It was a feeling of not being recognized or worthy. It gave her a feeling of not being equal, of not being capable of making her own decisions. Responsibility had meaning to Lilo, even if to some people it was a burden. For Lilo it was the oportunity to prove herself. To have a place in this world.

“The thing is Nani, what you deal with isn’t a bad thing. It’s not something I should be protective off. By taking away my responsibilities you are taking away a lot of skills necessary to live in this world.” At least that was Lilo’s biggest fear. To not be ready in a time where Nani wouldn’t be there for her anymore. “At this age I should know properly how to do the laundry, how to make simple meals. You know basic household stuff.”

She shook her head. “I know I’m everything to you Nani, it’s the same to me. But my point is, if you love me you’ll have to let go a little. I promise you nothing bad will happen when I use the stove- well some food attemps will end up in disaster that’s bound to happen when you learn things but you get my point.”

When it came to the job it was pretty easy to explain. She took her laptop and opened a website, her website. “I’ve been posting my pictures on a website, I thought since i have a lot of assignments and since the school gave us full rights to the pictures we take for class assignments I’d just sell them. Of course I checked with both the principle and the teachers first. And basically as long as it didn’t have students, or if I have their permission to see I’m allowed to put them online.”

Not all the money in the bag was what she had earned. Due to being over 18 she could get her own bank account. 50% was on there. 

She nodded. “Would 30 dollars be enough dig money. I think that’s about what I eat right?” Well she knew it would probably be more, but at the moment she was starving herself so it might be more accurate. 

She nodded once again. “Yeah and that way we won’t get in each-other’s hair all the time because we can just check the table. I can take a picture off it and put on some alarms on my phone as well.”

📔- For a secret sketchbook they keep (Bonus: Share a sketch or doodle within it!)

not really a sketch but she does make those moodboards from time to time.

📒- For a secret journal/diary they keep (Bonus: Share an entry from it!)

NANI DRIVES ME ABSOLUTELY MAD! I KNOW MY FIGURE WAS OFF I AM AWARE I NEED TO PRACTICE MORE JUST SHUT UP DAMN IT!

🌟- For a secret wish or desire of theirs

to have Karen like me back

❤️- For a secret crush

Karen

💃- For a talent that they like to keep hidden from others

I can hit my nose with my tongue

🐇- For a secret item they keep (stuffed animal, comfort object, etc)

I have a doll, her name is Scrump. I made it when I was a child

📒- For a secret journal/diary they keep (Bonus: Share an entry from it!)

When Lilo sat beside her, Nani instinctively wrapped an arm around her shoulder, moving some of her hair as a comfort. She pursed her lips as Lilo spoke, breathing slowly through her nose to force herself to calm down and actually listen to what her sister had to say. It stung to hear her age; it was an unpleasant reminder of how quickly she had to grow up at that very same age, and she wouldn’t wish it on anyone. It didn’t seem right thinking that Lilo was the same age now.

As she mentioned being independent, Nani couldn’t agree more, but the urge to tell her what to do to get there almost had her blurting out before Lilo was finished. If she wanted to be independent, she had to do laundry and dishes and cooking and cleaning with Nani having to nag at her to do them, right? But Nani was sure that even bringing that point up would sound like nagging, and they would be back where they started. So she let Lilo go on, the lump in her throat growing and her mouth becoming dry. Her sister’s questions stung, pulling up feelings she had hidden away from the countless custody battles and social work visits.

“Lilo…” Nani began softly, breathing a weary sigh. “I can’t lose you. I don’t want to lose you over this.” It was her first thought, the most important one. The one that kept her up at night. “I didn’t fight tooth and nail to keep you because it was my job, Lilo. I fought for you because you’re my sister and I love you. But I–” The thought was difficult to articulate, and in her frustration Nani ran her hands through her hair. She didn’t want this to come out wrong. “You were so young when– I couldn’t just be sister any more, or they would have taken you away. The social workers were still checking in when you were sixteen. And that isn’t your fault. It’s neither of our faults.”

It might have done Nani well to have a therapist, but she could never afford it after paying the bills and the food.

So she let her feelings hide away to protect Lilo from her pain. Now on the current matter. Responsibility.

“I hear you Lilo. I promise. But if you want to be responsible, you have to help me around the house before it gets to the nagging stage. I can’t do it all on my own… Yeah? And I promise to try to be more chill.”

In the end, her age was something Lilo couldn’t change, but it was time that her sister let go of things to chase her own happiness, instead of only being concerned with Lilo’s. Because what Lilo realized was that she too couldn’t find her happiness this way. In the end, the reality was, Lilo would turn 19, the same age of when Nani lost their parents. And change needed to happen, if Nani liked it or not. Because by god, if Nani couldn’t treat her the way she wanted there was only one way out - moving out.

And that wasn’t what Lilo wanted, she didn’t want to move out for such a reason.

When Nani said she can’t lose her, that’s where Lilo’s annoyance grew. “But you aren’t losing me, Nani, you never lost me in the first place. You won the custody battles, you have me living in your house and working in your dance studio.” In her eyes, there was no losing Lilo happening, even despite the suicide attempt and the eating disorder. Lilo was still around. “It’s as you say, I was young when all this happened. I’m not young anymore Nani. I’m the same age when you were forced into proper adulthood. Don’t you think it’s normal for me to want to be treated as an adult?”

“I’m not sixteen anymore, I’m eighteen.” She pointed out her age once more because to her it was important. She was legal of age. No longer a minor. “I have a job.” Lilo decided to break the secret right then and there. “And I’m not talking about helping you in the music studio.” She walked to the cabin and got the little case with money. “It’s about time I pay for the expenses of living here.” So she handed her sister 400 dollars. “That should be enough for now, right? For the food, I eat I mean. I don’t make enough to pay the electricity bill just yet but if you wait a little longer I might earn enough to include that too.” “I have no issue with that but I do want to do it on my way. I want to create a schedule we can hang so I can look at it and know what chore I am meant to do. I still am in college so I will have to put study time in it as well as practice. But I think that system could work better than well your nagging. Nagging doesn’t motivate anyone and if I do it myself I’d be more motivated to do it.”

Once Lilo took the water (what a relief, she thought) Nani sat herself down on the end of Lilo’s bed frame, taking a sip from her own glass. She glanced at Lilo’s headphones as she gestured to them, and was genuinely curious which part she was having trouble with. She thought, perhaps, she could help or offer advice but there was the worry making Lilo feel worse about it. How many times had she done that lately?

“Which part is it?” Nani asked in spite of the fear. She had seen a fair amount of Lilo’s rehearsals, peaking in through the window when she had a spare moment or two, or catching her practising in the garden. Nani thought that if she went in to watch Lilo might freak, so this was the closest she would go. Nani saw how happy it made her when she danced, and didn’t want to ruin the fun.

“Maybe we could go out and practice in the back garden?” Nani suggested, disregarding the time or the neighbours. This was not helping Nani’s lead in at all. “We can go over it if you want.”

It was about time things got out in the open. Lilo knew. It is because she knew she said those words in the first place. They had to talk, about a lot of things. But not just things that bothered her, things that weighted on her sister's chest as well. Because Lilo had a feeling Nani was keeping things from her too. And perhaps that was why there were these many fights.

"I just think we have been thinking the same thing." Lilo honestly didn't read Nani's mind she was just being observant lately. She took a seat next to Nani and nodded thinking where to start. "I am turning 19." She could start with something easy, though it was not easy she was getting older than the age her sister was when they lost their parents. "Yet I do not feel like you are treating me like a young adult. At this age, it is important to develop some sort of independence for the day I live alone. And it is making me wonder if you are struggling with the idea of me getting a life of my own." In a way Lilo understood, they only had each other left. "Are you scared of losing me, Nani? Is that why you still treat me as a child?" It was a serious question, not one intended to harm her sister. She just wanted to know why. If she could do something to make things easier.

"I feel like you become more of a mom than a sister. And that doesn't feel right. That is not your job and I am sorry if I made you feel like it is your job to become my parent. You are my big sister and you have a responsibility over me. But that doesn't take away that you are my sister. And we could be more...chill with each other. I am old enough to listen and try to understand why you disagree with something. What I ask in return is a conversation based on mutual respect. To treat me equally and not like a child that is too naive to think."

Once Lilo took the water (what a relief, she thought) Nani sat herself down on the end of Lilo’s bed frame, taking a sip from her own glass. She glanced at Lilo’s headphones as she gestured to them, and was genuinely curious which part she was having trouble with. She thought, perhaps, she could help or offer advice but there was the worry making Lilo feel worse about it. How many times had she done that lately?

“Which part is it?” Nani asked in spite of the fear. She had seen a fair amount of Lilo’s rehearsals, peaking in through the window when she had a spare moment or two, or catching her practising in the garden. Nani thought that if she went in to watch Lilo might freak, so this was the closest she would go. Nani saw how happy it made her when she danced, and didn’t want to ruin the fun.

“Maybe we could go out and practice in the back garden?” Nani suggested, disregarding the time or the neighbours. This was not helping Nani’s lead in at all. “We can go over it if you want.”

The issue Lilo was having was the style of Odette. She felt more liberated and free when she danced Odile and even though she wasn't told her Odette was lacking Lilo herself simply wasn't pleased with it. She felt she lacked grace, her pacing too quick her arms too straight. Her spins. Everything didn't feel as it should be. And although Nani was the ideal person to ask her these things, teach her even. She didn't let Nani inside her room for some dance lessons till night fell.

"Nani...do you mind if we...talk?" The words tumbled out with great uncertainty. It was challenging in a way to have this type of conversation. Especially when you had tried to have this conversation numerous times.

But this time Lilo told herself to keep her cool no matter what. She'd be grown up enough to have this conversation. Or she would live with the realization that the sisters simply could not talk to one another.

"I think we should." Her voice grew steadier this time. And she leaned against her bed as if it would make her even more steady. Prepared for what was to come.

"I think we have bigger issues than my dancing right now and I think we at least should try talking about it," Lilo said as if she was trying to explain herself. "Don't you agree?"

It felt like Nani waited an eternity and a half behind that door, the cold of both the glasses stinging her fingers after a while. It hadn’t really been that long, but a minute of silence was enough to drive Nani absolutely mad with the worry. She was doing her best to stay cool, calm and collected but her stomach was in a knot.

When Lilo pulled open the door, it was Nani’s instinct to give her a small, hopeful smile. Because for all she was absolutely terrified and worried sick, and fully prepared for this to go nowhere, Nani loved Lilo more than anything in the world. She didn’t want her to be so sad all the time. It meant she had failed her parents. That she hadn’t raised Lilo the way they would have wanted her to.

With bated breath, Nani followed Lilo into her room, offering her one of the glasses of water. It had been a habit when she was younger, first looking after Lilo, but had fallen away as they grew older and Lilo spent more time away from her at night. “I brought you some water, in case you get thirsty,” Nani started, entirely unsure of how she could lead into this conversation. “What, uh… What are you doing?” Yeah, great start Nani. Well done.

Lilo frowned at her sister at first but politely took the glass of water from her hands and took a sip. Water couldn't really harm her figure considering it didn't have any calories. So she drank it, if only it was to still the hunger she did not realize she had till now. And she was a bit thirsty so the water was welcomed. As to what she was doing. She pondered for a moment. "I had some issues with a certain part so I was listening to music." She pointed at her headphones. "I was retracing the steps in my head as a way to memorize it with the music" she explained. She didn't know if it would help but she could at least try. "Since its the last rehearsals before performing." Her exam was nearing soon. The last one since she already did her photography assignment. Now all that was left was dancing.

ohanalilopelekai​:

“Oh, I’m so glad!” Rachel replied, sighing with relief. It had been quite upsetting seeing Lilo in such a state, and knowing that her friend was out and about and smiling made her feel significantly better. “What exams do you have? Your dancing one?” she asked curiously before nodding in reply to Lilo’s question. “Art is going great! Oh! You should come to our exhibition!”

Lilo nodded, she really had been in a bad place but it was going well enough now that she could move forward. She was still training for Odette/Odile and could still be pretty harsh on herself. “I have performances of the swan lake and a hip-hop ballet exam.” She explained. “I already did my photography assignment so you can watch those in the studio as well.”

Nani knew for absolute certain that sometimes was not right with either of them, but the haziness of her brain wasn’t connecting things together. She could see her sister was sad, but some sort of wall wasn’t letting that sink in, and now the only logical thought that was working was Let’s Go Home.

Nani squeezed Lilo’s hand (her hand was kind of numb too), and made a very poor attempt at walking toward the exit of the carnival. “Okay. Home, home, let’s go home,” she sang, giving her sister’s hand a swing. She hoped they both remembered the way and could get there before her feet gave up.

How often do they find themselves fighting others? It’s better now Mertle isn’t in her life. They did fight sometimes, especially cause of the bullying.

Do they throw insults or fists first?

More prone to throw insults.

Do they believe it’s okay to use violence to resolve problems?

No, but if you have to protect yourself go for it.

Do they have any sort of visceral reaction to violence?

She gets scared.

Are there certain places where they regularly find themselves in trouble?