âCatch me, Dad!â I squealed as I leapt from the banister of the stairs. He caught me in his arms and twirled me around till the room got fuzzy and my stomach hurt from laughter.Â
My mother glowered at him from the glass door of her home office.
âThrow her around like that and sheâll be at the hospital in seconds!â
Dadâs sweet chortling always brought me to my senses. If I were ever comatosed, the sound would jolt me awake like a lightning bolt.Â
âThatâs if she fell. Sheâll never fall, because Iâll never let her go.â
The immediate jerk of the plane woke me up from my reminiscence straight away. I cracked my neck to one side and groaned at the splitting sound.Â
When the pilot announced take-off, I didnât think my heart could pound any louder than it already was. I picked at the skin around my thumb, and when that got too marred, I toyed with the hem of my athletic shirt.Â
Did I want to spend my Saturday morning on an aircraft with a parachute strapped to my back? Not really. In hindsight, did I have a choice?
You chose to be here, and you arenât getting off of this plane until you jump off from it at twelve thousand feet.Â
That didnât necessarily mean I wasnât allowed to let my anxiety take over as we bounced against the rough gravel while the jet accelerated.Â
Maybe I can do this. Maybe I am cut out for this.Â
All diverting thoughts flew away from my brain as soon as I felt the plane lift from the ground and into the air.Â
IcanâtdothisIcanâtdothisIcanâtdothis-
âMiss? AreâŚare you okay?âÂ
I didnât even bother checking where the voice came from, or even confirming if the comment was directed towards me.Â
âJust peachy,â I breathed.Â
The voice laughed. âItâs not that bad, trust me. Iâve-âÂ
I lurched forward when the aircraft suddenly plummeted towards the ground. I felt sharp nails digging into my forearm to keep me from shooting straight across the six feet of space we had between the benches.Â
All I heard over the speaker was âminorâ and âturbulenceâ. Only one of them made sense to me, and it definitely wasnât minor.Â
When the plane came to a stop on the runway, I turned to my right. The âvoiceâ came from a tall(er) woman. Her swirly brown hair was pulled back into a braid and her eyes were warm and friendly. They reminded me of freshly baked cookies near a fireplace with cozy blankets.Â
âIâm Kahani. Aani for short. You?â She asked with her outstretched and perfectly manicured hand.Â
âKiele. Nice to meet you.â She smiled and her nose ring glinted in the sunlight shining through the windows.
âWe should likely be back in the air by⌠an hour tops?â She looked out the window and nodded her head. âNo more aircrafts available for today.â
âHow are you so sure?â
She tapped at the embroidery on her shirt. âIâm your instructor. The pilotâs my dad. I come over here to volunteer once a month or so. Even have my own license! Well, obviously, or else I couldnât qualify to be your instructor,â she laughed. She leaned forward on her hand. âSo, what are you doing here? I mean, youâre probably here to skydive, but by the looks of it, it doesnât seem like you enjoy heights very much. No offense.â
I shrugged. âNone taken. Iâm fine with heights, but I think the thought of jumping to my doom from twelve thousand feet in the air is enough to nauseate a lot of people.â
She grinned. âInteresting, but you didnât answer the question. Why are you here, then?â
âIf I really had to elaborate, it would be a long story. Iâll run it down--â
âAh--stop right there,â she said, her finger moving side to side. âWeâve got an hour.â She crossed her legs. âHit me with it.â
I thought about it. Did I really want to share my entire life story with someone I just met two minutes ago? Aani seemed like a nice person, and my priority voice in my head kept nagging at me.Â
Kiele, you run an awareness program. So, spread awareness!
I smiled and drummed my fingers against my phone case.Â
âWhere should I start?â
The day I was diagnosed with stage three leukemia was, needless to say, the most god awful day of my life.
Iâd been sitting there at my kitchen countertop. I was seventeen and was doing what most normal teenagers would be doing in March: scouring college websites, tours, and program offers. I didnât think my life could even get more infuriating after Iâd learned my dad wouldnât be coming home for another week. It didnât really warrant me to sulk like a three-year-old and refuse to eat dinner, but I was too upset to care.
After a few hours of trying to get me to eat, even my own mother had given up and crashed on her desk in her office. No matter how hungry I was, I spurned away the plate sheâd set in front of me.
Thinking back, maybe I shouldâve eaten. Maybe I wouldâve allowed myself a few more weeks of what I thought to be peace and what I called calmness.
I remember slamming open the door to her office and violently shaking my mom so sheâd wake up. Even at four in the morning, she was still pretty vigilant and on her guard.
Blood was dripping in splotches all over the floor and various documents from my nose, and no matter how much pressure she put on it, she couldnât get it to stop.Â
Half an hour later, she was running the speed limit with the GPS blaring directions out to the nearest hospital. My hands were trembling and I was cowering in trepidation as tears started pooling in my eyes.
âKiele Iokua, get yourself together. Itâs one nosebleed that I drove you all the way over here for, nothing is going to happen. Itâs nothing serious. Itâs just like the rest,â she sighed.
The rest were never this bad. The rest never sanctioned a trip to the hospital.Â
I donât remember when weâd entered the hospital, checking in, or even the doctor telling my mom to leave the room. I donât even remember when they took my blood to the lab or the moments I sat there with waves of unease crashing over my body.Â
I just remember those words that turned my life a full one-eighty degrees.Â
âIâmâŚextremely sorry to deliver this news, but⌠weâŚweâve diagnosed you with stage three leukemia. Now, we know this may beâŚâ
I wasnât listening to whatever the doctor was saying, likely about how things would be okay. And maybe, if Iâd truly listened, they wouldâve been.Â
But all I could think about was how things would never be okay. How was it possible to tell a seventeen year old that their life was being threatened by a fatal disease?
Nothing could have ever prepared me for that day, even if I had more time to be a normal person before I found out.Â
My dad was called in from his week-long business trip, and I thought about how a few hours ago, it wouldâve made me the happiest person in the entire world. I didnât think anything could ever achieve that again.Â
I hadnât moved for over six hours, and the doctors had started to get worried. Even Mom went out and had gotten cupcakes from Crumble Bliss to âcheerâ me up. How were you supposed to cheer someone up after that?
I didnât even budge when Dadâs arms were wrapped around me so tight that I couldnât breathe.Â
It was only when my parents had discussed chemo treatment with the doctors and everyone had left the room, the tears started rolling. I mustâve sobbed and sobbed and sobbed for hours that night based on how swollen my eyes were the next morning.Â
My parents sent an email to my high school about the situation. My entire future that I had planned was practically gone. Forget about deciding on a college-- I wouldnât even be able to go to college.Â
I thought that maybe after the chemo, Iâd feel better. It only got worse.Â
After every appointment, I didnât feel any different. The doctors reassured me that my body was fighting and it would take time to see those results pay off, but I grew more bitter and angrier every second I spent in that hospital.Â
I was rude to the nurses and all the physicians who tried to help me. I screamed at them, cried at them, and even kicked at them when they tried to help me. The only person that could manage two words with me on good days was Dad.Â
My Dad visited the hospital whenever he could. He cut all his meetings short just to see me and always brought a cupcake or a snack that he knew I loved.Â
He held my hand and said that it would be okay, but even he knew it wouldnât.Â
If that wasnât bad enough, the hair fall started.Â
Everytime I ran my hands through the dark locks of my scalp, clumps of hair threaded between my fingers and easily slipped out. By the end of the month, my once thick and long hair was as thin as a twig.
My dad came on the first weekend in April and held my hands.
âKiele, itâs okay, itâll grow back before you know it, alright? Youâll be-â
I snapped. I didnât know what it was that made me lose my temper that day, but I couldnât take it anymore.Â
âNo! No, it wonât be okay! Stop pretending like it is, alright? You donât know what itâs like-- youâll never know what itâs like. Do you know how hard it is to deal with the fact that I have cancer? Just leave me alone!â My voice cracked near the end of my words and I shoved Dad away until he left.Â
He still visited whenever he could after my meltdown, and my mom came by with him to try to get me out of my gloom.Â
My embittered attitude only made the cancer worse as months went by. I was rude to anyone who even tried to speak to me, not realizing how much pain Iâd been causing them-- and more importantly, how much pain I was causing myself.Â
The doctors didnât know if Iâd ever recover, but theyâd said it was unlikely after a few months, and I soon mightâve entered stage four.Â
They hadnât told me, but Iâd overheard them telling my parents in the waiting room. Anger flooded through me like it did every other day, and I pitied myself day after day, wondering why I was the one stuck with cancer-- what I did so painfully wrong that landed me in this mess.Â
A week after that day, I was wandering around the hospital with my IV bag stand rolling next to me. Even after six months, that aftershock still didnât wear off. I was spiraling into a whirlpool of depression and agony, and it seemed like there was no return.Â
Iâd stopped short in my tracks right before I was about to turn the corner.
Soft sniffles came from one of the seats, and it was one of the nurses-- one the nurses who was assigned to my ward.Â
I looked at the room across from her and saw a young boy-- who couldnât be more than seven-- swatting away the pills in a nurseâs hand.Â
âNo! I donât want it! It wonât help me, okay? Nothing will help! Itâs only going to get worse!â He cried aloud. He kicked and screamed and shrieked at anyone who tried to touch him, and even kicked one nurse in the face. He threw so many hurtful insults at them that even my mind started to react to them, even when they werenât directed at me.
How couldâŚsomeone say things soâŚhurtful?
How could that someoneâŚbe me?
At that moment, it was like a freight train hit my body.Â
I was a horrible person. I was so vile and churlish and so⌠insolent. Iâd taken out all my bottled up resentment at something so out of anyoneâs control and unleashed it out on everyone whoâd just wanted to help me.
It was then that I decided to suck it up and start to be happy, or at least pretend to, even if I wasnât. Going through cancer was the hardest point of my life, but that gave me no reason to be such a jerk to people who loved me.Â
Optimism didnât completely get rid of that loneliness Iâd always felt in the beginning, but it was the first step.
Even pretending to be happy tricked me into thinking everything was fine, sometimes. I decorated my room with pictures of my family and things I loved, and the nurses even helped me with my new change.Â
âWeâre proud of you Kiele. Keep fighting,â one of them smiled at me.Â
I talked to the doctors and my nurses every chemo session to keep me distracted. Theyâd told me about their lives, their family, their friends, and news outside of the hospital. Iâd slowly gone from pretending to be hopeful, to truly believing it.Â
Iâd even told my Dad that I was sorry for being so difficult. That day, I shaved off all the remaining hair on my head, and looked at my Dad in the mirror with tears as he soon followed.Â
 The positive mindset I followed did wonders to my mental health-- and maybe even my physical.Â
I went from waking up every morning and asking myself âwhy I have to be sickâ or âwhy canât I be like everyone elseâ, to appreciating everyone around me and being confident that I could fight back.
There was still one problem.Â
Iâd forgotten where the room was, but it wasnât hard to find it again after I followed the
shouts echoing down the hallway at night. Â
A nurse came out with a dejected look from the room, but quickly replaced it with a nod and a smile when she saw me. I gently grabbed her wrist.Â
âCould you tell me⌠what you were trying to get him to do? That boy in there,â I asked.Â
âHe wonât take his medication for today. Iâve tried so much, but I just⌠he wonât. I-â
I smiled. âIâll take care of it.â
With that, I rapped my knuckles softly against the door. When no one answered, I clicked open the door and walked in.Â
âGo away! I said I didnât--â the boy stopped yelling when he saw me. âYouâre not a nurse,â he said.Â
âYouâre right, Iâm not. I just came here to talk to you. Can I sit here?â I asked him, patting the spot at the foot of his bed. He gingerly nodded.
âCan I ask youâŚwhy are you so sad?â
âYouâre feeling a lot of emotions, I know. I know what it-â
Immediately, he lashed out at me. âNo you donât! Stop it! Stop saying you know what it feels like!â Tears were cascading down his cheeks and my heart cracked a little, knowing those were the words that came out of my mouth not too long ago.Â
I flinched a little, hurt at his sudden outburst. âYou have Crohn's disease, right? That doctor told me. I canât really say that I completely know what it feels like⌠but I think I have an idea,â I tentatively said, hoping he wouldnât burst into a fit of tears again.Â
âHow?â He glared at me.
âA few months ago, I was diagnosed with stage three leukemia. Blood cancer. It was the worst day of my life. I felt like there was nothing in the world that could make me feel like a normal person again.
Just like you, I was filled with hatred and acerbity towards everyone. I yelled at the nurses, the doctors, and even my own parents. I think I even made them cry sometimes,â I said. I didnât like thinking about those memories-- it reminded me of the person I used to be, and I didnât want to be that person anymore.
He blinked at me. âI donât know who my parents are. A volunteering camp raised money for some of us to receive treatment here,â he said, his voice wavering.Â
âDoâŚdo I make the nurses cry? Did I hurt their feelings?â
I decided not to sugarcoat it. âYes, you did, but itâs okay. Itâs hard to live in this world and think about why we had to be the unfortunate ones, isnât it? I hated it, and I still dislike having cancer. I lost energy, my friends, and even my hair. It took me a while to get over that. But I like to think about something-- do you wanna know what it is?â
He hesitated, but then nodded. âWe were chosen to carry these burdens because weâre stronger than anyone else. Fighting back isnât something just anyone could do, you know that? Overcoming these challenges will only make us even more powerful. The only thing stopping that is yourself,â I said, pointing at him with my finger. âYou have the ability to change that-- you just have to believe. Be hopeful. Be idealistic. Be optimistic.â
We shared a few minutes of silence before I spoke again.
âWill you take your meds now?â
He reached over for the glass of water next to him and firmly nodded.Â
âIâŚIâm sorry. For yelling at you,â he said, not making eye contact with me.Â
âApology accepted, but I donât think it's me that you should be apologizing to, right?â
After Jun expressed his regret to all the nurses, I found out that he was pretty sweet. Once Iâd made a friend, the hospital didnât feel so lonely anymore--even if my friend was a seven year old kid.
Jun and I took walks around the hospital facilities and sometimes even the central rotunda parks, when both of us were feeling up for it. I spent time in his room, and he spent time in mine. He even came to some of my chemo sessions to talk to me. His company was fresh and we found solace in each other.Â
Heâd never learned, so sometimes, I took him to the library and taught him how to read and write. It was tough, considering he had occasional severe stomach aches and I was still battling the rapid cell growth in my body, but we made it work. Jun was a fast learner, and it made me happy to see him grow so much over a few months.Â
Seemingly, I started feeling better after the continuous chemotherapy, and before I knew it, almost two years had passed since I first inhabited the facilities.Â
Even Jun showed some change-- not a lot, but it was a start that made us happy. I introduced him to my Dad, and he was more than happy to keep Jun entertained.
He bought card games, books, and loads of activities every month to the hospital. Heâd spend hours in my room with Jun curled up next to him, telling us both stories and playing games. It felt silly that I was nineteen years old and I was playing Hungry Hippos with a kid instead of being in college studying for midterms, but I didnât care.Â
After a while, I was permitted to stay at my home to transition to outpatient care and continue my treatment in scheduled sessions during the week. I was elated. After so long, it was a dream come true, but I thought about Jun. As much as I didnât want to leave him, both my parents wanted me to come home for so long, I just couldnât deny them.
I walked into Junâs room one day, half expecting him to throw a tantrum when I told him the news. Instead, to my surprise, he hugged me. âYou taught me that positivity is the best medicine, and I want to share it with others. You deserve this after being stuck here so long. Youâll visit, right?â He looked up at me with his gray eyes and tousled brown hair. I smiled.
I didnât feel that I was ready to start going to school in person, so I finished high school online. I got my diploma, and even had a private graduation party that Jun was invited to.Â
My life seemed to get better from then on. I wrote my college essay about my experience, and Iâd gotten into a university not too far away from the hospital. Along with visiting my parents, I visited Jun every weekend.Â
I didnât have to go for a chemo session every month then, just a few routine check-ups. My hair had even started to grow back, and I felt suffocated through pure joy. Before, I thought it would never grow back, but seeing my scalp littered with dark brown hair made my heart burst.Â
Before cancer, Iâd never known what I would truly want to do in life, but the first thing I did out of university was apply to research programs. I wanted to help people, but not just by being a scientist, or researcher.
With Jun and the hospital staffâs help, I started my volunteer center with great pride and joy, knowing that Iâd discovered my calling.Â
Junâs presence in my life was a constant reminder of my resilience and finding strength in each other when Iâd been told that I was finally cancer-free.Â
âEveryone said that the survival rate at my stage was extremely low, but nothing makes me prouder to say that I beat it. Iâm a cancer survivor,â I said, smiling at Aani and pointing to my wrist with the tattoo of a ribbon. I ran my hand over my curly mid-length braid. âEven have my hair to prove it.â
âThat--thatâs amazing! Turning your life around like that takes real courage, and if you can beat cancer, then I definitely think you can skydive. Even if that story was beautiful-- you still never answered the question. Why are you here?â
âIâm one of the supervisors at that very hospital wing as a research intern. One of the kids there didnât think she was going to survive this autoimmune disease she had, but sheâs brave. She told me skydiving was her dream, and I wanted to make it come true.â
Aani stared at me in awe. âYou are⌠truly an amazing person. Can I ask-- what happened to Jun?â
My heart raced. âI loved my Dad so much that I didnât think it was possible to love him more, you know? Not until he showed me the adoption papers. Junâs my younger brother now, and heâs been attending high school like a regular kid after getting discharged. Heâs the one who got me to do this today, actually,â I laughed.Â
  So much time had passed while talking, that I hadnât even realized the plane mustâve taken off a while ago. I stared out the window and I could barely even see anything over green that stretched out for miles.Â
My back straightened. I went stiff, knowing that soon that time would come. Aani put her hand on my shoulder to unstrain my posture.Â
âMy first few months at the hospital, I absolutely hated the feeling of missing out on so many things that I knew would go on during senior year,â I said, distracting myself. âBut you know who stuck with me through thick and thin, even when I was such a jerk? My Dad.â
Everyone started getting up and strapping themselves up to their instructors. Aani tapped my forehead. âBreathe. Relax. I canât tighten the straps if you're so tense! Keep going-- tell me something he said.â
I inhaled and eased my body. âThe power of optimism completely altered my life and without that, I wouldnât be where I am now,â I spoke, shutting my eyes. âWhen I apologized to him after Iâd started my positive mindset phase, heâd told me something that I later told Jun, and now I tell all the kids in the ICU wing. If you wait to be happy until life isnât hard anymore, then youâll waste your whole life waiting,â I said, not even registering that we were up next to jump out.Â
âYou must love your Dad a lot, right?â
âYeah, I do,â my voice quivered looking down at the ground and my heart hammered against my chest.Â
âIf you fought cancer while you were in stage three,â Aani yelled over the loud wind. âThen you can survive jumping out of a plane. Donât waste your whole life wishing you didnât back out! Ready?â she asked.Â
I looked down and smiled. âMore than ever.â
And in that moment, I knew I wasnât even lying-- against all odds, I would always triumph over anything. I welcomed the rush of the air currents against my face when Aani leapt from the platform.Â
This story was written to show the journey of a cancer survivor who finds strength and resilience through the hardships she faced throughout her life. It is a constant reminder even if you arenât struggling in life, the power of optimism brings out true resilience.Â