illusions & delusions

I hope you achieve everything you’ve set your mind to. I hope you fulfill your promises even if they were made 6 years ago. I hope you become the person you wanted to be. I hope you cherish everything that you’ve built. I hope you live a great life and continue doing more for the world. I hope you continue making your mom proud. I hope that one day you will meet someone who can help you build your empire further. I hope you choose to live. I hope you see how amazing you are as a person, and not put yourself down so much. I hope you continue to be the kind person that you are.

Breathe. You’re going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been this uncomfortable and anxious and scared, and you’ve survived. Breathe and know that you can survive this too. These feelings can’t break you. They’re painful and debilitating, but you can sit with them and eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilience. I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass. I promise it will pass.

Spend money. Change your hairstyle. Sell your old clothes and pursue your new style with the money you get from it. Be strong. Be patient. Get drunk if you want to, but not every weekend. Buy a chocolate bar every week when your favorite tv show is on. Take hot baths. Wake up early. Start jogging. Write. Find a friend who will listen to you and don’t stop until you find it. Study. Read. Make your Instagram cool. Write some more. Get that damn piercing. Buy bath bubbles and bath more. Adore your body. Shave, for yourself. Book flights for next spring. Write this day down, write it all down. Cry. Finally feel some homesickness. Learn to be in silence. Learn to stand being alone. Drink lots of coffee. Get ready for christmas. Feel smart at school. Spend a weekend alone. Take lots of selfies. Eat chocolate while watching reality tv-shows. Meditate. Stretch. Learn ballet. Buy overprized coffee. Learn to be with yourself.