* ╱ strawberry lipstick state of mind

brenna was used to poppy’s demanding tone. it was annoying sometimes, but by now brenna simply sighed instead of trying to argue. it never worked. it was just tiresome and she could use her energy for better things. brenna made an impressed face when poppy said she knew what a phone was. though, then again, of course poppy could never be left out of anything. and phones were terribly important in this century. ‘you want me to take pictures in a dark room?’ she asked, though she didn’t really seem interested in the answer to her question. it would be a yes, no doubt. ‘without flash you won’t be able to see much, and i’m not using flash. over my dead body.’ of course, brenna would probably never be in the position were she’d be dead, but it was a nice dramatic saying she had very quickly incorporated in her vocabulary. brenna shook her head a little at poppy’s pained sigh. she didn’t understand why she’d been labeled as a dramatic goddess when zeus was right here, being the most dramatic person to ever exist, as always. ‘one date to a movie theatre is hardly a love affair, pops, but whatever. besides, once we have all this footage, what do you mean by “expose”? if you think some random grainy video will go viral on social media, you’re even more deluded than i thought.’

‘ooh, those are good ideas. i’ll keep them in mind for the next time i need to take revenge on someone.’ brenna tried to keep the mood light, because nico had sounded quite serious when he’d suggested all the things she could’ve done to the tub. it made her think of all the things people said about hades, all the rumors and stories going around olympus. she couldn’t help but feel terrible about any part she’d ever had in any of that. gossip was one of her weaknesses, after all. his angry reply shocked brenna, she practically jumped to her feet. it had sounded pretty naive in her head, she had no idea of the real hurt her words could cause. ‘i’m sorry?’ was all she could utter, tears already forming in her eyes, though they were more from the sudden fright of his outburst. she quickly fought against any tears leaking out of her eyes, composing herself in a few seconds. her surprise made place for a kind of annoyance. ‘well i don’t know anything, clearly.’ she said, ‘but it is weird for me, actually. just a different kind of weird than what it’s like for you probably. but how is anyone every supposed to understand that difference when this is how you react when someone asks about it.’ she could understand his reaction after everything, but her question and her sympathy had been genuine. she was stuck between being hurt by his reaction, and feeling like she didn’t have the right to be hurt at all. ‘i mean... i get that it’s harder for you maybe but just because you might have it worse doesn’t mean everyone else’s life is perfect.’

of course, brenna should’ve known poppy’s issue was with the fact that this was a connection with a mortal. brenna thought it was rather refreshing to be able to mingle with all these people. she found them pretty interesting, all with their own lives, their own thoughts. but it wasn’t out of character at all for poppy to see things a different way. ‘no times for food?!’ brenna whined. she attempted to tug her arm free from poppy’s grip but of course the other girl wasn’t letting go that easily. she never did. ‘at least we have nice seats.’ brenna draped herself in the chair poppy had directed her to. she was just starting to settle in when poppy asked for a camera. ‘don’t you have a phone?’ brenna pinched the bridge of her nose. ‘pops. poppy. zeus. darling. there are cameras on phones. please tell me you brought your phone. or that you own at phone, oh my god.’

‘yeah i kind of gathered that you are not a stalker. just a hopeless romantic.’ she joked, chuckling softly. ‘i mean... i’d offer to play wingman but i’m pretty sure that tomorrow you’ll bump in the next love of your life. and the day after that the next one. et cetera.’ she patted the top of milo’s head gently. ‘but maybe the fates have been pulling strings, who knows.’ she closed her book, which she had forgotten about until milo mentioned it. ‘oh it’s just this series called percy jackson? it’s about us! or, like, children of the gods but we’re in it as well. sadly, i don’t even recognize myself. it’s more of a caricature.’ brenna pouted, though she silently thought that maybe this fictional version of her wouldn’t have been far off from the thruth just a very centuries ago. instead of dampening the mood with such thoughts she flashed milo a bright smile. ‘but it’s entertaining none the less.’

she has apologized before, more times than she can count on both hands. it has never been enough. but there is also nothing else she can do to try and fix whatever this still is between them. when she remembers her time with ezra, she usually remembers the good stuff. because it was good, it really was, until she screwed that up. was it wrong, to know that they might have never been right for eachother, but also miss the ezra that she used to know back then? she sighs, brushing her hair out of her face in a defeated gesture. she knows she should probably walk away, just as he’s suggesting. she knows that probably just being here hurts him. but she’s never been very sensible when it comes to him. ‘i don’t... i don’t want to just walk away.’ she searches for the right words. ‘i still miss you. maybe more as a friend, but...’ her voice trails off as she studies her hands, picking at her nail polish. ‘i don’t know what good saying that too you does, maybe i shouldn’t have said that. just thought you should know. guess i’ll go find that pleasant stranger in the next bathroom.’ she says, but she can’t make herself take a single step just yet.

    brenna laughed, ‘well, maybe it’s just me, but i would usually do such a thing with friends. not that there’s anything wrong with doing drugs on your own.’ she didn’t really see the fun in getting high or drunk when there was no one around to do that with, but she realised that maybe this was just her, and that other people might not be as social as she was. ‘i’m just here because i found this toilet way more comfortable that the couch.’ she replied, a teasing smile on her face. she wasn’t even completely lying, because someone had spilled their drink all over the couch and brenna wasn’t about to sit in a puddle of booze. ‘but, also, it was just a bit.. crowded and loud in there. and i lost the person i came here with in all the chaos so, bathroom it is.’

    ‘oh yeah, a friend, very cryptic.’ brenna chimed in, ‘it’s not like people can have friends, of course.’ she side-eyed poppy with a sigh. ‘but i guess you would be the kind of person to find that cryptic.’ deep down, brenna knew the real reason she was being such a whiny baby to poppy was a. because that was kind of what their friendship - if you could call it that - was and b. because she secretly was more interested in this supposed romance than she cared to admit, and this was her way of dealing with the fact that she was annoyed at herself for so easily falling back into old habits. for all brenna’s boasting about being a new, better person, some habits really did die hard. and well, she was the goddess of love. ‘sorry, what?’ brenna replied to poppy’s question. only now she realised they were inside a movie theatre. she’d probably forever miss the ye olde grecian theaters, but at least these ones had nicer chairs and popcorn. ‘which movie?’ she asked, more directed at herself than at poppy. ‘if it’s a date, most likely something scary. so they can pretend to be scared and hold hands. it’s just logical, pops.’

    she had not expected to get into this with him so soon, and especially not at some college party in front of the bathroom, but well, it is happening whether she wants it or not. ‘honey there is not ‘less than random’. like, that doesn’t exist or make sense.’ she says, with a bit more annoyance that she had planned. she intentionally avoids commenting on the latter part of ezra’s sentence. not just because she doesn’t want to talk about him with ezra, but more so because she can’t talk about him with anyone.  ‘listen... i am willing to apologize until eternity, because i know how bad i hurt you and i’m genuinely sorry for everything. but you don’t want to hear me say that.’ the previous annoyed tone as been replaced with something more like exhaustion. and to think she came to this bathroom to get some peace and quiet. ‘i’ve said that before and it has never satisfied you. so why would it now. just tell me what you want from me, please.’

    brenna quickly moved past him, out of the cold hallway and into the warm embrace of klaus’ home. she sighed at his question before turning around to face him. ‘only if i’m not keeping you up with all... this.’ they both knew that she didn’t just come here to sleep. in that case she could’ve gone to milo or harley as well. the part before the sleeping was her favourite part, but she didn’t feel like she could just give in too quickly. ‘because it’s, like, late, or whatever. and i don’t want you to lose sleep again.’ she plucked a nonexistent piece of lint from her sleeve. ‘i’m also fine by the way,’ she said, suddenly realising the other part of his question, ‘just the usual. sleep hates me.’ she chuckled softly, ‘still trying to decide if this is just me, or if i pissed off hypnos at some point and this is his revenge.’

she doesn’t know if it’s the grip he has on her arm, or his hostile tone when he speaks, but she feels herself pull up her shoulders just a little, shrinking into herself and away from him. but just as soon as his fingers curled around her arm, they are gone again, like he couldn’t even bear to touch her. which, to be fair, does hurt her a little. which she, again, feels guilty about because what gave her the right. it’s an endless cycle. she crosses her arms defensively. ‘oh, please, you were never some random person to me. at least know that. even after... everything.’

brenna considered his question for a second. the answer would’ve been a no brainer a couple centuries ago, but she didn’t really do any drugs or alcohol nowadays, except for the odd glass of rosé on a friday night. ‘i’m good, thanks though.’ she shook her head, then frowned a little, ‘wait, so you came in here to smoke a blunt all by yourself?’

    although brenna was still looking at her book, she wasn’t reading anymore. a soft smile formed on her face as she felt milo play with her hair and heard his familiar voice. even down to the longing sigh that followed his words, this was had become a routine. one that she actually looked forward to every day. ‘ah, love at first sight, of course.’ she turned her head a little so she could look at her friend. ‘on your side at least. did she even see you, did you make eye contact. i always tell you how important eye contact is, with like a friendly smile. does wonders.’ she spoke in a motherly tone.

brenna didn’t even think about it anymore. by now she knew the way to his place by heart, she’d made her way over there so many times in the middle of the night, it was just a habit. though she did feel a bit bad about keeping klaus awake so much, so she’d made it a rule. if she was still awake three hours after going to bed, she was allowed to get up and leave. this time, she’d been thoughtful enough to at least send a warning text, so that if she wasn’t welcome for some reason she wouldn’t find out on his doorstep. but she’d gotten no response that told her not to come, so here she was, ringing his doorbell at 2am, wearing only her pink pyjamas and with her hair in a messy bun on top of her head. as soon as she heard the lock click, she felt herself relax. ‘hi’ was all she said when the door opened. she wouldn’t admit it, but this did feel like coming home.

‘what could i possibly do to a bathtub?’ she asked, eyebrows shooting towards her hairline. with hades - or it was nico now, if she remembered correctly - residing in the underworld, which was a place she’d rather avoid, she wasn’t really sure what to make of him. on first glance, maybe they seemed like an odd pair, but brenna had to give everyone a chance, especially after little contact. the only downside was that there was now a bit of an awkward silence between them. ‘how’s being above ground treating you?’ she asked, though as she said the words, they seemed a bit condescending. of course, she was aware of the tension between hades and the other gods. ‘i mean, it must be nice? but maybe it’s like... weird? after all this time? i don’t know, like quite the culture shock i imagine. but what do i know.’

alright, maybe her annoyance was less with poppy’s bossy behaviour - let’s be real, this was just how she always was - and more with the fact that she’d been asked along to spy on some other god because poppy couldn’t keep her nose out of other people’s business. and of course poppy had asked her, because it was a matter of love and that was all she was useful for. or at least sometimes, it felt like that. was she being dramatic? poppy was already quite a few steps in front of brenna, who was still contemplating her own emotions. she quickly caught up to her friend, pushing her previous annoyance aside for now. ‘so why do you think they’re falling for a mortal again? and also why is this something we should be concerned about?’

   brenna felt the air get knocked out of her lungs - that’s what this was right? - as soon as she realised it was ezra who had entered. ( she liked that name, it fit him. a good choice. ) however, it didn’t take long for the surprise of seeing him to be replaced with the ever present guilt. no naivety on her side, could excuse anything that happened between them. ‘oh, no i can..’ she waved vaguely while standing up. ‘it’s fine. i can move. i thought it was just some random... person. but, it’s... it’s you.’ she said, speeding to move past him before he could leave. ‘it’s all yours.’