baby.

it was in moments like this that natasha’s nurturing side came out, and when she walked in to the room and sat beside him, she wanted him to know that no matter what he said, she would understand. she holds his hand to stop his fidgeting, looking at him still with a soft expression. not wanting him to think that she was upset with him in any way. it was obvious by his body language and expression that he’d done it. now all she needed was the why. “why? that’s...i think my only question.”

“good...” she immediately began gathering her things again. “then let’s go walk in the gardens. it’s way nicer out there than it is in here. i’m not sure what they do to make this the stuffiest room in the school, but god, did they succeed.”

she should have anticipated this. him wanting to talk about it. she should have planned for it. but the moment he kisses her cheek, anything she might have planned would have disappeared anyway. she doesn’t comment on his question, because she doesn’t know what to say. she knows if she were to talk about it now, she would tell him everything. and she wasn’t sure if she was ready for that. “is anya alright? have you spoken with her?”

she wasn’t surprised when kass was the first person who showed up at her door. truth be told, she didn’t know what to do at this point. it was still fresh, still new, and she was about ready to scream. the thought of lying hadn’t come to her mind yet. “i do.” she smiled a bit, moving over to let kass in to her room, and, as soon as the door was shut, she turned to her friend. “do you believe it?”

natasha was prepared to deny anything written in the book about her, though she knew that nico would ask. and she knew that nico knew who she was dating when she was in new york. the power he had wasn’t a power that could be ignored, especially if he’d made an appointment to go and see her. she knew he would have questions, and while cecilia may know the truth, she wasn’t sure if she wanted nico to know. they had made plans that day to do some studying together, and when she opened the door to greet him, she was cautious. trying to read his expression before she invited him in. “hi. crazy day, right?”

her friendship with bea had never developed much after their summer together, but still, there was a feeling of protectiveness that lived in her heart for her. and it appeared that, were they true, the things written about her could have opened up wounds that had yet to fully heal. and so when she saw her in the library, sitting by herself, she went to sit with her. “are you busy?”

natasha wasn’t bothered about what was revealed. there was no proof it happened anymore, since cecilia erased any evidence that it were true months before this ordeal. what did worry her, was what she read about her friends. and she knew better than to take anything the gossip blog said at face value, especially considering those closest to her. julian’s, especially, did not make sense to her. not at all. from the second she’d met him she saw him as the kindest, sweetest man she’d ever met, and that would be true even if the book said otherwise. still, she needed to hear his story so she could defend him were the situation ever to arise. she stood beside his dorm room door when he was out, and waited for him. when she heard the familiar footsteps she’d come to know in the previous months, she looked up from her phone. “julian...hey.” it didn’t take even a second before she went over to him to wrap her arms around him. holding him as close as she possibly could. she pulled away to look into his eyes. “we should talk, yes?”

natasha took a moment to compose herself, and it was in that moment that she realized maybe this wasn’t for her. the thought of being anything more than a quick kiss with a woman just didn’t do it for her. no matter how hot they may be. still, she laughed at her word, and nodded. “my first and only, i think. if you can’t make me want to be with a woman, i’m sure nobody can.” faith is literally the hottest person she knows. 

nat’s eyes follow kass’s, holding back a scowl when she sees who she’s looking at. she calms herself down, looking back up at her best friend when she speaks again. it didn’t help her and claire had just finished chewing each other out a bit. “how’s claire doing? don’t tell her i asked.”

those words surely hadn’t been what she’d expected to hear. her heart soaring and picking up in rhythm. she wondered if she was dreaming, getting slightly dizzy at the thought of nico getting down on one knee and proposing to her. she had pictured it so many times before, they’d talked around it even more, but she’d never thought that he would make his intentions so clear to her. she stops leaning back on the counter to take a step closer to him, taking his hand in hers, and kissing his knuckle before looking back up into his eyes. “i’m not a patient person,” she starts. “but i’ll wait as long as i need to. if it means i get to end up with you.”

this was certainly unlike anything she’d experienced before, and she knew whatever butterflies she felt came from the nerves she had experiencing something new. she pulled away when she got too overwhelmed, hiding her face for a moment, her cheeks flushed bright red. “that was...nice.” she didn’t know what else to say. or how to act, or what to do. 

“oh, it wasn’t about the video,” though that hit an entirely different chord for her, considering her closeness with leo. “just who you are. in general. video or not.” she laughed. “i’m not here for friends, i’m here to study. and anyway, if i left, you’d have no one to hate. and then where would all that bitterness go?”

natasha was unsure about whether the butterflies in her stomach came from faith, or from the fact that this was something entirely new for her. for the first time in what felt like her entire life, natasha had no words. all she could do was nod, unsure of how it would feel, or what would even happen after. it couldn’t hurt to try, right?

she takes a bite, taking a second to really consider it, and then she accepts it. nodding. “you’re right, it was good.” she replies, and takes another bite. looking around at everyone looking happy to be out. it was like the sullen feeling of gallagher had thawed with the winter. “everything feels so...clear. i think we all needed this.”

“that’s not fear,” she rolls her eyes. “by that logic i’d be afraid of the whole school. mostly, it’s disgust. and annoyance.” and pettiness, but she won’t mention that. 

the question was heavy, and the moment nico looked away, natasha looked up at him. a lifetime of unsaid words could be mentioned at this point, though still, she was afraid. the reminder of the days where he wanted nothing to do with her still playing over and over in her mind, terrified of him leaving her again. wanting to be perfect for him, so he doesn’t go. she knows that’s not good, she knows kass would call her out if she told her she was thinking this way, but it was her truth. she didn’t want nico to leave her. still, she speaks. though she knows nico needs bluntness, and she doesn’t know if this will be blunt enough. “i would have been quite happy to be paired with you.” she did not look away from him as she spoke, no matter if he was looking down. “i would have been disappointed had i gotten anyone else. so there was no point.”  

natasha felt a flush come to her cheeks at the suggestion. she wasn’t nervous, nope. she just wasn’t used to this kind of...suggestion. it would be a lie, though, to say she hadn’t been thinking about it since last year. “you can certainly try,” she grinned, turning onto her side to face her. she couldn’t wait to tell kass !