ｂｏｏｋ－ｌｉｋｅ

First of all, I apologise to all of those I had just begun plotting with, just begun writing with - but this is something I need to do, and something I am doing for several reasons. Yes, I am leaving the Tumblr RP scene; I am leaving and archiving my blogs so I and my RP partners can look back on them and look back on amazing development, but I will no longer be writing around here. Reasons are simple, really, but I’ll state them either way.

I no longer feel at home around the Tumblr RPC. It’s a toxic environment for me, I’m sad and anxious and I feel pressured to live up to a lot of standards I simply can’t live up to, which all make me feel awful and guilty. I also recently started college/uni, and getting in was hard enough. It’s a demanding programme, and I won’t have time for RP blogs if I want to do well - I’ll feel guilty if I can’t do replies, and I really don’t need those things in my life. Lastly, I spend ALL my free time on Tumblr. If I’m not here but have time, I feel guilty about not being on; I feel like I always have to be here to make others happy and actually be a good RP blog, and I’ve been neglecting all my other hobbies. I need to put myself first, my mental health and my school and my interests, and it’s for those reasons that I am leaving the Tumblr RP scene.

Now, I’m not going to be completely gone. I’ve made a PERSONAL you can find me on, I’m always going to have my TWITTER, and if you shoot me a message at either of those, I’ll happily give out my Skype or email if you wish to continue writing with me.

     Belsel sits up too, and he presses a kiss to Sander’s shoulder     before laughing softly. ❛You were amazing. You have a natural     talent.❜ He kisses his neck,    and then his cheek.  ❛I’m going to      make you breakfast, so just stay comfortable and I’ll bring it to     you.❜

        ❝Really?❞ It’s a serious question - Sander WONDERS if         he’s good, if the angel genuinely   ENJOYS doing it with         him. He doesn’t like to be insecure about these things, to         have to wonder whether      he’s giving the angel what he         deserves, but he can’t HELP     it. He’s so new to it, and         Belsel is so, SO experienced;      he can only hope he’s         really as good as Belsel makes him feel.

     ❛Good morning, beautiful,❜ he replies, love alight in his eyes. He     leans in and kisses him again,  smile remaining as he then pulls     away again and just looks at him.   ❛Did you sleep well?❜ Fingers      brush through fair hair, gaze fixed happily upon the other’s. ❛I’m      very happy that we did this. It was an amazing night. I love you.❜

     He’d been tired once they  were done, but had  wanted to stay awake      with him for as long as possible,   to talk to him, kiss him softly, give      him all the love he could. And now it’s morning and the sun is tugging      the angel out of a sleep so    happy and complete.    He wakes feeling     GREAT; refreshed, energised, and when his sleepy blue gaze rests on     the small sleeping figure beside him,    he’s hit by the sudden feeling of     how much he loves him, how happy he is to see him. He watches him,     taking in the way the sunlight decorates his beautiful skin, and he doesn’t      want to disturb him, but he just looks so SWEET that he can’t help it. He      leans over and begins to press light kisses to his skin, smile fixed on his      face as he does.

     Belsel’s hand finds Sander’s,    and he entwines their fingers with the      warmest smile possible when in a situation like this. He finds his lips      too, then, bringing him in for a deep kiss as his other hand goes to slide      along his thigh and hold him there in his position. All he can think about     is how BEAUTIFUL his boyfriend is,    how sweet, how perfect, and how     great he’s making him feel. The act may be one he’s done so many times      before, but it’s still kind of magical like this,    despite his experience. He      keeps him close the whole time, kissing     wherever he can reach until it      becomes difficult to focus on even that. He doesn’t want to let him go – not      ever.

     The soft moans urge him on; he sticks with the same pace, taking it      slow but definitely not unsure with his movements. He keeps his lips       close to Sander’s neck,    breathing softly against it as he gets into a      good rhythm,    knowing that Sander is okay,   that he isn’t hurting him.      He lets out a soft moan into his ear as fingers of one hand slide through       his hair, and then   he smiles against him    and leaves a small trail of      kisses to match the rocking of his hips.

     He might be big enough for it to not always   be entirely a blessing,      but he sure knows how to USE it, and he’s determined to make this      get better every time until Sander has    absolutely nothing but love     and DESIRE for the act. Not that he has    to want it all the time, but     hey, Sander wanting it is a pretty HUGE turn-on for Belsel. He wants      to push him past any pain and   have him simply loving it, wanting      MORE. His lips remain close to his   boyfriend’s neck, his warm     breaths touching his skin with the gentle movements   of his hips.     He’s going to do this slowly and gently until he’s sure that Sander      is completely comfortable and ready for something faster.

     Those moans are having a serious effect on the angel, but his hands       stay steady, his head  stays clear, somehow;    he knows what to do,     and he’s always careful with Sander, knowing he’s still new to this; he     doesn’t want to assume he can handle things as easily as he could. He      adds more lube, determined to avoid any possible discomfort, and then      he wraps Sander’s other leg up around him, getting himself into a good     position. He kisses his neck,    and then his cheek.    ❛I love you, fireball.     Hold on tight.❜     He’s slow about it, gentle    as possible, but still relaxed,     because he’s done this BEFORE, knows that Sander enjoyed it as much      as he did.  

     He returns the smile, gaze loving as it rests    on his beautiful, naked       boy, though there’s definite LUST in there, too. He unscrews it, slicks       his fingers with the stuff, and then leans in    to bite playfully at his ear       again as his hand makes its way between his legs.   He takes his time       pressing his gentle fingers in and out; he’s good at this, very experienced,       of course, and knows how to make it enjoyable rather than uncomfortable.      ❛Do you want it now?❜    he finally murmurs    into his ear, voice ever so       seductive and yet still loving. ❛I’m gonna make it really good for you, baby.❜

     ❛I love you,❜ Belsel says when the kiss breaks off,  and he stays close       to his lips for a lingering moment before beginning to trail kisses down       his body, his neck, his collarbones, his chest, his hips. He stops at his      underwear, hooking fingers into the waistband and sliding it off him, and       then placing a teasing little kiss there, too. He then follows with his own,      making both of them completely naked, and makes his way back up his       body.   Hands slide    up his thighs and he    hooks one around his waist,      brushing  against him    to make a  little friction,    and he sucks a loving      bruise on his neck. He decides he’ll have to use one of his  powers, then,       for simple ease,    opening the drawer    beside them with   his mind and      bringing his little bottle of lube toward him. 

     He gently yet firmly pushes Sander down onto the bed, and then just      stands and admires him there for a moment;   he may be physically     perfect, may be an    angel, but Sander is   BEAUTIFUL, is gorgeous,     and he hopes that he knows that. Belsel’s own confidence will NEVER      make him see   anyone else as any less than   perfect. And Sander is      just that. Then, when he has to DO something, he joins him on the bed,      hovers over him and kisses him deeply, a hand sliding into his hair and     gripping it slightly as he presses his body against him.

     He tosses them aside, and then kisses Sander  again, quite sweetly      despite the racing  of his heart.   His hands slide  down his body and     rest at his hips, and he gives his    underwear a light,   cheeky SNAP,     grin on his face as he pulls away from Sander. He gets to his feet and      takes off his own jeans, letting them fall where he stands, and he takes      off his   socks too, for good measure.    And then he takes Sander and     pulls him up, takes him into the bedroom because he knows, with his     size and ENERGY, they’re likely to just fall off the couch.

     Belsel’s kissing becomes  a little more needy, a little more     desperate;    he might seem  in control,    but he’s absolutely     vulnerable to Sander’s own desire,   and he wants it JUST as      much as he does. Hands slide down   his abdomen, and then      he arrives at the phoenix’s pants. His fingers skilfully unbutton      and unzip, lips never leaving his   boyfriend’s until it becomes      too difficult to keep kissing him and get them OFF at the same      time.

     Raphael is completely right. There’s no need to talk about the way      things were. There’s no need to ever think again about the pain and     regrets of the past. Everything is understood and forgiven, and here,     their life    can truly begin;    their life together,    as it’s always  been     destined to    be eventually.    And this is far from the   end of a story.      Everything else before this was simply the prologue.

    Belsel holds his fiancé, swaying slowly to the music, and he rests his      head on his shoulder for a moment, just smiling, eyes closed. They’re      beautiful in the candlelight,  just two boys,   blackbird hair and fair skin     aglow. Belsel feels as though he has never quite been so ANGELIC –     he feels as though this love could make him fly,  that if he were to sing     now he would produce the most beautiful melody to ever be heard. This      is happiness, all pretense cast aside, all sadness, all masks and walls      taken away. He’s a bared soul, a soul in deep, true love, a love returned     and accepted, a love deeply wanted. He gives Raphael his heart, because      he knows he’ll be good to it, that he’ll be careful with it.

    ❛Nothing could have    prepared me for how    wonderful it would feel to be     yours,❜ he murmurs. ❛It’s such a privilege. Thank you for giving that to me.     You are everything. I can’t quite believe this is happening, but it is, and I will      never take that for granted for a single second of my life.❜

    He moves back now to look at him, to gaze into those beautiful eyes. Raphael      is shadow and storm, and Belsel is light and air; together, they are the world,     the universe, the stars glinting above them in the pitch black canvas of the sky.      He smiles, and then he kisses him, hand going to cup the back of his head to      keep him in place. His kiss is so sweet, so soft, and yet so filled with love and      passion that it sets his heart alight.

        ❝Hmm,❞ Raphael hums lowly, and though he has heard Belsel’s         words, though they have made him feel even LIGHTER than he         already did, he remains silent for now – allowing the moment to         simply HAPPEN, and for no words to be spoken as they dance,         as they kiss, as they truly are,       just two men in love with NO         horrible pasts to be thinking about,    with no thousands of years         of experiences and losses and memories. They simply are; an         angel and a demon, both     exiled from where they hailed, both         never truly belonging in the   place they have been banished to         – and yet, simply so in love,    simply so HUMAN, and it really         is beautiful.

    He leans in for another kiss, and it’s just as sweet and passionate     and loving as the angel’s was, and then he pulls him a little closer,     head now resting on Belsel’s shoulder. He would never take this     for granted either; would never thing that it would always be – it’s     a MIRACLE to him that it has even come this far, and he will     cherish each and every minute of it, will enjoy every SECOND,     and simply enjoy HIM, the ANGEL, for as long as he may have t     he pleasure to do so.

        ❝Don’t thank me, Belsel, but let me thank you instead. Thank         you for opening your heart again, thank you for growing SO         much and making this possible. I had never quite realised just         how much I love you until now, this day, this MOMENT, and         if it weren’t for your strength I never would have known just         how happy I could be. I owe you, Belsel, I owe you much more         than you realise, and I will work my entire life from now to pay         you back, to make you realise how much this all, how much         YOU mean to me.❞

    The demon laughs again, at his own foolish happiness, at his own     CORNINESS, but then he simply closes his eyes and DANCES;     moving with great confidence and skill, because although LESS     trained than Belsel, the demon too is a good dancer – it’s simply     something he saves for special moments, for things that TRULY     mean something; much like this very moment. He kisses his     angel, his FIANCÉ, every now and then, not deep and eager like     usual, but sweet and soft and loving and so entirely perfectly     aligned with this moment.

     Oh, Belsel knows exactly what Sander wants.   He just wants to see     how far he can PUSH it; besides,    turning him on is  turning HIM on,     too. He likes his reactions, likes to know that he’s having an effect on      him; that’s    the best turn-on   there is.    He smiles at the kisses, all      confidence, though the phoenix is clearly weakening him, having him     more at his mercy than he knows.   For instance, if he were to change     his mind now, Belsel would be practically WHINING for him to come     back. He breaks   away just to tug the shirt    off of Sander completely,     before doing the same with his own and tossing both aside. He presses      himself against him again, then, fingertips dancing over the curve of his      back as he pulls him in for a deep kiss.