but it still...... isn’t the same because she craves the same comfort and affection she shows her mother. it isn’t her mom’s fault at all, though, they’re both going through something rough and it’s already difficult for her mother to express affection (part of the reason why rina’s so aloof, she gets that from mom). so when her mom saves up money for a few months to get zarina that penguin onesie for christmas, she absolutely loves it. it’s cute, it’s silly, but she loves it so much because she knows it’s her mother’s way of comfort. it can’t make up for everything that’s happened, but the lone act of affection is enough to let zarina know her mom has cared, it’s just been difficult to express.

so yeah, it’s a silly cosmetic. it’s a little out of place and there for the cute factor, but it means a lot to rina. she wears it because she misses her mother and it reminds her of a nice time in her life. i also like to imagine it smells a little bit like home, so look at zarina curling into herself, raising the flippers to her face while she tries to remember that same comfort in a place like this.

“  ♔ – @offrecrd.

               SHE’S LEANING OVER A LOG, elbows scraping against the wood, but the songbird doesn’t seem to mind it all too much. they’ve gone beyond the point of roughing it for - however long they’ve all been trapped in here. kate started losing count after the first of what she thinks may have been a year. hard to tell. but she’s found ways of occupying herself in here, most of them have. she’s looking at one right now, brow cocked. 

                     ❝  hey, ‘rina?  them pants make your butt look real cute. just thought you should know.  ❞

infatuation  would  be  an  understatement.  short - lived  passions  came  &  went,  like  primrose  blossoms  thrown  into  the  fire,  when  she’d  rather  touch  fingertips  in  passing  a  tangible  memory  of  their  love  in  between  chaste  kisses  they’d  soon  forget.  kate  is  radiant  :  a  reminder  of  hope  &  marigold  exuberance  that  others  lacked  in  favor  of  grim  acceptance  &  secrecy.  the  sun  is  warm  &  her  head  turns  to  face  it  when  her  body  cannot,  caressed  by  hands  &  tears  as  her  body  lie  still  &  cold.  memories  of  death,  clouded  in  fog,  zarina  could  do  without,  but  the  thought  of  her,  there,  mourning  her  body  the  best  she  knew  how  left  a  swelling  feeling  in  her  chest  whenever  the  songbird  came  around,  even  to  make  playful  banter.

@offrecrd· said: ❛   when will i see you again?   ❜

❝ hey, don’t look at me like that, rina, ❞ he says like he’s teasing. ❝ you’re just as curious about this place as i am. more so, i should think, given the genius reporter thing. ❞ and adam smiles, adds as casually as he can manage (which isn’t very), ❝ you could come with me? ❞

to  travel  with  him  &  save  her  mind  of  woe  :  his  lifeless  body,  mangled,  at  her  feet  &  the  sudden  weight  of  guilt  as  the  world  crashes  down  &  begins  to  split - open  around  her.  ...  not  to  mention  how  he  reads  her  like  a  book.  his  safety  is  a  priority  of  hers,  yes,  but  an  opportunity  to  explore  at  Its  most  vulnerable  hour  is  as  tempting  as  it  is  dangerous.

can i see zarina ever settling down   &   raising a family? absolutely.   that comes from the maternal part of her   &   the urge to always have something tangible to protect   &   hold.   that being said, i can really see zarina on her own as well.   just traveling.   just working on her craft   &   her life’s work with her grumpy maine coon who looked charming at the shelter.

she doesn’t prefer solitude over the company of others, but she doesn’t mind the loneliness, either, even around the campfire when she can’t quite bring herself to engage in the others’ antics because it feels too similar to how she weaseled her way into the popular groups as a child just to feel accepted.   in the long run, she wouldn’t call it loneliness, but independence, rather.   zarina doesn’t feel like she needs someone else to complete her.   she already feels complete, she feels whole   &   she’s come to love   &   accept herself a long time ago.   regardless, she’ll always have hesitation when forming connections to others, romantic or otherwise   &   there’s always a longing to have someone else to call your own because it’s charming   &   lovely to feel   &   know that you have someone there with you.

prior to the fog, zarina only had a handful of relationships, but more partners than that.   i don’t have any specific hcs about her relationships besides:

- her longest relationship lasted for a little under a year   ( nine or ten months ) - one of her partners was a mixologist   ( which was a quick, on - the - spot hc from a discord calrina thread......   whose relationship is a big can of worms in relation to all of this )

but most of her relationships were short-lived in their time.   it’s a mix of inadequate partners   &   zarina’s hesitance to commitment because of high priority   ;   if she doesn’t feel that a relationship is working out, she’ll tell them directly   &   break things off there.   it’s not a preference issue but more of a compatibility issue   ;   i’ve mentioned something similar but while zarina welcomes most she deems safe enough with loving appreciation, she holds a lot of those people at arm’s length   &   isn’t very close with many.   it all contributes to her....   mysterious personality to some degree, the reason why that one survivor idling by the tree, staring into the darkness, knows so much about you when you thought you were alone.

zarina’s done all of the breaking up in her established relationships, which haven’t been many.   some end well, others end in tears, but throughout all of them her confidence is unwavering   &   unmatched.   there’s stoicism, but there’s compassion, too, genuine desire to remain friends in part because of her fear of fitting in   and / or   ruining relationships.   only one of her partners stayed in touch   -   at a distance.   she isn’t bothered by the feeling   &   she knows, she stands by, her decision to be free again   &   independent on her own, but she’ll reminiscence.   we all do, i think.   she’ll be sad, even succumb to the feeling of loneliness   &   in that she tries to leave a piece of herself with previous partners as to not make them feel the same.   her decisions may seem harsh, but she’d prefer their memories to be good ones.   none of her prior relationships made her feel complete, but she’s always had fun with her partners not only because of their silly dates   &   adventures, but also because of her fascination with people   &   their genuine selves.   she gets to learn about people that much more intimately.

she’s had more partners than actual relationships, but still not many as a whole.   there has to be a feeling regardless, a mutual relationship   &   connection with those she partners with even just for one time, but the idea of a no - strings - attached relationship is appealing to her.   there’s still a desire for romance   &   intimacy, but she can’t commit to a partner or it takes her a long time.

enter stupid dumb smelly caleb quinn.   in the fog, he’s a beacon to her, not because she idolizes him in any way, but because he’s the reason she’s been able to piece two - and - two together here, even if only a small amount.   i’ve said this many times before, but he’s the reason she’s able to distinguish that most of the killers were once human   &   taken against their will   ( well, some willing, like caleb )   like her.   that’s part of the reason why she’s so attached to him.   she wants to use him, interview him, as a way to learn more about who the people she’s with are   &   to a larger extent, where exactly she is.   &   despite her terror, that obsessive nature of hers is going to overpower it   &   mask it with confidence.   she looks all tough standing up to caleb in the middle of glenvale, but don’t be fooled, her spine is seconds away from turning into jelly.

then her obsession becomes an interest.   she uses her abilities as a reporter to flatter   &   schmooze him to avoid being killed   &   suddenly he’s handing her the redeemer, that’s way too heavy, to hold   &   she retches from the feeling of corroded blood touching her fingertips when he turns away.   it’s horrifying, holding the same gun that’s killed her a hundred times, but she’s asked him about his inventions   &   their history in part because of her own interest in him.   no, she doesn’t condone the fact that most of these tools are designed to kill, but she maintains unbiased, as is her journalistic duty, while dreading the thought in the back of her mind that she’s genuinely interested in him beyond just his inventions.   she’s interested in his passion, even if she doesn’t agree with it.

&   that’s what was lacking in her previous relationships.   not hers or her partners’ lack of passion together, but her partners’ lack of passion for their own lives.   it never really showed to her, even though she doesn’t show it much herself.   she can only imbue so much into those she gets close to, but if their own willingness   &   confidence refuses to show, she isn’t as attracted to the person anymore, romantically or otherwise.

touching on the horror of allowing herself to get close to caleb, there is a sense of...   thrill to it, which excites her.   it’s dangerous   &   it’s foolish   &   she knows this, but it’s also a sense that there’s no sort of being in the fog, that they’re all constantly dying   &   returning to the campfire.   it’s an endless loop   &   she might as well make the most of it.

something  in  her  voice  reminds  zarina  of  a  simpler  time  :  father  returning  home  at  six  o'clock  on - the - dot,  kissing  mother  on  the  cheek,  then  walking  across  the  room  to  little fish  because  he  had  promised  her  a  gift  that  morning.  insulting  as  it  was  to  insist  he  didn't  need  to  supply  her  first  years  of  camera  equipment,  zarina  took  it  in  stride  &  worked  to  save  her  father  the  burden  of  expense.  ❛  slow  down  your  shutter  speed,  ❜  she  motions  to  the  flame,  ❛  it  captures  the  light  better.

“  ONLY  WARY ???  ”  INCREDULITY  FILLS  JULIE’S  VOICE ;  there’s  no  way.  they  get  sacrificed  to  the  damn  thing  near  daily ,  get ─  what ,  tortured ?  is  that  what  it  does  with  its  food ,  in  it’s  dimension ,  &  this  one’s  only  wary ?  “  you’re  joking.  you’ve  got  to  be.  ” 

or ,  lying  to  save  face.  that’s  it ,  right ?  that’s  got  to  be  it.  julie’s  a  killer ;  of  course ,  of  course  a  survivor  would  be  wary.  any  weakness  is  one  to  exploit ,  that’s  what  he  knows  well  /  &  what  if  it’s  the  truth ?  can  he  face  the  idea  that  he  is  more  cowardly  than  them ?  /  he  scoffs ,  instead.  of  course  she’s  lying.

“  it’d  do  you  well  to  be  more  than  wary ,  y’know.  you  &  the  rest  of  your  group.  ”  old  tactics ,  falling  back  into  something  familiar ;  venom  has  gotten  her  this  far ,  it  will  get  her  further.  /  a  nice  treat ,  she  thinks ,  for  the  entity ,  &  something  to  ease  her  nerves.  two  birds  with  one  stone.

“  you  don’t  even  know  half  the  shit  it’s  capable  of.  ”

a  sudden  change  in  atmosphere  &  she's  high - alert,  feline  imbued,  posture  erect  like  spine - chill  hairs  telling  her  to  run  &  hide,  yet  she  isn't  inclined  to  flee  because  she  has  no  where  else  to  go.  trepidation  turns  malicious  :  an  invasion  of  privacy  ( but  are  we  really  alone  if  something  is  always  watching? )  &  a  feeling  of  dread,  what  was  once  sacred  is  no  longer  as  feral  predators  prowl  the  perimeter.

❛  you  want  us  to  be  afraid.  ❜  &  she  is,  terrified  even,  but  zarina  refuses  to  give  julie  the  reaction  he  wants,  even  if  her  eyes  are  darting  back - and - forth,  searching  for  any  other  bloodstained  masks  lingering  in  the  darkness.  ❛  to  make  us  easier  prey?  ❜  spoken  like  question,  curious  of  his  response.  to  make  us  panic  &  crack  under  pressure,  she  thinks,  but  zarina  clings  to  what  little  reassurance  the  campfire  gives  them  —  it  isn't  much,  but  it  is.

where    has    the       god-forged    barrier    between    the    slayers    and    the    slayed    gone    ?               where’s    the    fear    in    this    woman    ?            have     her     guts    not    been    marred    enough    ?    maybe    she     needs     to    scare    her     away.             [   key    word,     attempt    to…   ]        ‘    you    should    all    be    chained    to    a    log    between    sacrifices,    i    don’t    know    why    it    lets    you    roam    free.        ’    

It  wants  a  show,  a  performance,  entertainment  in  the  form  of  Its  little  thespians  screaming  &  laughing  &  crying  all  at  once.  a  curious  mind  will  roam,  far  from  comfort,  &  pay  the  price  :  a  blade  across  the  throat,  bloodstains  akin  to  gaudy  jewelry.  susie's  reaction  entices  her  further  ;  had  the  knife  been  brandished,  zarina  would  flee  the  resort.

In the low light of half powered generators, he isn’t sure she can see the way his lips TWITCH.  Jaw stretching into a SMILE.  He admires tenacity – there’s something enchanting about human resilience. ( which primarily dwells in the preemptive thought of CRUSHING it.  But there is something to be appreciated about HOPE and STRENGTH in the face of overwhelming odds. ) 

“ There is no sense of PERMANENCE here.  You are among those who cease to fear death because it holds no consequence.  What you do not suffer here, you will suffer when you are free.  I hold what the others do not – the ability to find you in the next world. “  A long, red tongue licks over teeth, sharp and wolfish in their hunger.  “ And I, in eons of my time, am patient.  I do not need to kill you now – you’re a stubborn creature.” 

His jaw snaps shut with a resounding click, like a lock.  Like a promise. 

“ Don’t worry, Zarina – I will. “ 

endless  pain  :  eternal  punishment  &  torment.  once  sought  as  purgatory  became  a  grotesque  playground,  vermin  feeding  on  the  bodies  that  It  could  not.  &  those  unfortunate  souls  who  became  sacrifice  bleed  out  at  the  hand  of  obedience,  serving  Its  appetite,  lest  they  risk  reprimand.  zarina  is  no  exception,  feeling  her  body  become  weightless  as  it  spills  out  onto  the  ground.

but something refuses to let her die.

@offrecrd· liked!

𝚂𝙷𝙴 𝙲𝙰𝙽'𝚃 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝙽𝙳 𝚃𝙷𝙴 𝙱𝙾𝚁𝙴𝙳𝙾𝙼. the endless waiting.yui thinks she prefers running and hiding, maybe even getting injured, to just sitting around, and wonders how fucked up that makes her. thinks it’s a little early for her to be going nuts, but who knows how time works, how long it’s been, really?

shaking her head in an attempt to ward off the dark thoughts, yui’s attention turns to the other woman by the campfire with her, and she finds herself relieved; both for the company, and for the fact that her father had insisted on yui learning english at a young age. smiles brightly, leans her elbow on a knee, tries to appear carefree. “hey. you want to play fuck, marry, kill?”

what  a  welcome.  the  offer  catches  her  by  surprise  &  zarina  thinks  she  has  no  time  for  trivial  games,  especially  one  so  ...  racy.  cooperation  is  held  at  high  regard  &  the  last  thing  she  wants  to  do  is  insult  those  with  whom  she's  built  rapport.  a  glimpse  around  the  fire  ;  they're  far  enough  away  from  other  survivors  to  hide  their  secrets  &  silly  banter.  it  may  be  good,  she  thinks,  briefly,  to  relax  for  a  moment  &  catch  up  on  what  she's  missed  in  between  empty  boxes  of  hair  dye  &  changing  her  name.